Fannie Xia

Professor Williams

English 111

29 September 2019

Money Is Happiness

“When you learn, teach. When you get, give” (Angelou). Not everyone is fortunate to

have many opportunities, and it is essential for those who were given a step up to help others. I

have a life that in a perfect world would have been an ease, but life is not perfect. I have gone

through experiences that have taught me for the better, and I feel it is right to give back. My past

priorities have led to who I am today and my current priorities. I am lucky to have a life where I

have been comfortable, money-wise.

As a kid, I believed the phrase “money buys happiness” because more money means

more toys, but I also did not fully understand the concept of money. Toys and the television

filled up most of my day, and much like other children, I was not worried too much about

anything. I stayed home with my grandmother, watching Chinese dramas, and learned Mandarin
from the shows. I have never thought about the absence of my parents because I knew they were

at work, and have grown up with them being consistently absent. As a result, I never asked for

much and remembered holding my tongue because I was too anxious to ask my parents. The

only things that ever came close to giving me stress was pleasing everyone and protecting who I

could. If I ever went anywhere, I would be behind everyone because if there a shooter came from

behind, I would get hit and it would allow everyone in front of me some time to run for safety.

School also grew my urge to please everyone since I lacked much social interaction with kids

before I started school. I never became close to anyone in elementary because they were just

people I would talk to at school, and I did not understand the concept of best friends or friend

groups.

I only went to a public school during my elementary years. I met a wide variety of

people, and it opened my mind to the different struggles many of my peers were going through.

Many talked about their parents’ divorce, skipping meals because they could not afford it,

psychological and mental disorders, and so much more. Elementary began my urge to help.

However, the transition from playing all day to going to a place where you had to learn was

something I did not fully adjust to until later years. I did not see the importance of school rather

than just going because I was forced to go. I prioritized having fun and rarely paid attention in

my classes. I would hear the teacher teaching the lessons, but I never fully processed the lessons.

However, the school did open the door to stress. Report cards would come at the end of each

quarter, on a scale of one to three, three being the best. The feeling of stress would overfill me

when my report card came in, and my heart would drop whenever I got a two in a subject. These
report cards only gave me stress when I received them, but it did not change my worth ethic. I

still prioritized happiness rather than school.

The work ethic of not caring too much of school would only last until at least the third

grade. My parents were immigrants, and they gave up a lot to come to the United States in hopes

of a good future for their children. I did not understand why I was expected to have all A’s when

my peers' parents praised their kids for having a B average. I remember the anger my mother

would have if I did not do well on assignments or tests and being yelled at and put in a tutoring

program to be a better student. The pain of listening to harsh words and going through a rigorous

program did develop my work ethic, and I learned to strive to be one of the bests. I would beat

myself mentally, and my own words were hurting me more than my parents’. Something clicked

in my head where I set my expectations high, and I had to reach it. I prioritized school higher,

but happiness was still my top priority. School brought me no joy because I did not have many

friends and had no interest in the work; the only thing pushing me through was the future. I

daydreamed and played pretend of me as an adult. Books and movies portrayed adulthood to be

fun and having so much freedom. I wanted to be living by myself with pets, eating whatever I

pleased, and doing anything I wanted to do. I would imagine myself to magically become rich

and famous and living a life with ease.

I quickly realized that the dream was unrealistic. Money could not bring happiness. Life

brings forth people who -- suck. Like I mentioned before, I saw many different struggles other

students were going through, so I was grateful for what I had and rarely ever complained. I was

also innocent, no clue that there were people out to hurt others, whether it be out of habit or for

their pleasure. I lost someone who raised me, I watched them slowly deteriorate, slowly cripple
down into a hospital bed, and suddenly at one in the morning, there was a phone call. In my

head, I knew what had happened. I would have to wake up in five more hours, go to a school that

I was new to, had no friends, and push through. I never got the time to grieve properly; I just

covered it up as a fun, expensive trip to New York. I did not ever want to feel the pain again, so I

focused on others’ problems. I was immersing myself in a dangerous path of mental illness, but I

was doing it willingly because I did not want anyone to go through pain. I pushed my stress and

worries aside; their problems seemed more than mine. I should not complain. My feelings were

driven away, and then high school came. I kept pushing my struggles away; I was still in the

mindset that I had to help everyone else, and my problems should not even be considered

problems. I also was pushing myself to be at the top, setting my expectations even higher. Then I

crashed, the pain that I ignored had caught up to me, and I began to deteriorate slowly. Problems

I have hidden since kindergarten was keeping me up at night, and I did not know who to tell. I

still struggle with it now, and I feel bad for telling someone my thoughts, whether it be because

of my distrust in every one or I do not want to burden them. I hid it and went on until the school

administrators stepped in.

I have learned to prioritize the trusted adults in my life, friends, and most importantly,

myself. I learned that the healthiest time was when I prioritized happiness above anything else.

My education is still highly prioritized because, in the future, I hope to work in the medical field

to help people. I have always been wired to put others before myself, and why I think I find

myself thoroughly enjoy volunteering. Currently, I am going with the flow, and I believe

whatever happens happens for a reason. Going through the events I went through was necessary

for me because I mentally put so much strain on myself, I developed functional heartburn. I have
to help myself or else I would be in physical pain. I now know who I can trust and who I can talk

to about my struggles. I am so thankful for everyone, and I hope in the future, I will be helping

more people beyond just me.