Isabella Morales

Critical Thinking and Writing I

Dr. Tarnoff

30 September 2019

The Writing on the Mirror

In the seventh grade, I spent most of my time hunched over a silver metal box with a

mirror inside of it. Uncapping a Sharpie marker, its pungent fumes hitting my nose, I wrote a

phrase on the mirror, which usually held a negative connotation. The sentence was usually along

the lines of “You’re so ugly” and “You’re not worth it,” and as a new day passed, a new hurtful

sentence would appear on the mirror. Writing these sentiments on a mirror in permanent marker,

I solidified these thoughts about myself and recounted them each time I looked at my reflection.

Staring back at me in the mirror was a girl whose complexion was too dark to fit in with her

white peers and whose body was larger than her skinny classmates. Whose features simply didn’t

fit the beauty standard of blue eyes and blonde hair which her all-girls middle school subscribed

to. I kept this vessel of hatred in a place where I believed no one would find it and to my

13-year-old mind, the perfect hiding spot was directly next to my dresser. This metal box with its

tainted mirror became a tool I used to repeatedly tear myself down and release my emotions in

an unhealthy way. I desperately needed help or a boost of confidence, but I reverted back to the

mirror every time instead.

One particular school day during Spring semester hit me harder than the rest. I was in

Humanities class when, all of a sudden, I became extremely aware of how different I was

compared to my classmates. My mind went into a dark spiral. I kept repeating to myself that I
was not supposed to be at this private school. I didn’t deserve to be learning with my peers when

I looked so different from them and came from a completely different background compared to

their rich homelives. The memories of my parents aggressively fighting the night before,

especially of my mom yelling, “I’m gonna leave you soon! Just watch.” to my dad, only

worsened my feelings and strengthened my belief that the universe was against me. On the drive

home that day, I had every intention to fill my mirror with several insults, to solidify the idea that

I was worthless and ugly inside and out.

When I arrived at my house, I rapidly dropped my backpack near the front door and made

a beeline for my dresser. As I reached for the silver box filled with hatred, I noticed that the latch

on it was open, even though I remembered closing it the night before. Confused, I opened the

box to reveal that the hateful messages on my mirror had been erased and replaced with joyful

affirmations. Where there had once been written, “You’re so fat.” was now replaced with the

sentence, “Your body is great the way it is!” The phrase “You’re worthless.” on the mirror was

erased and in its place was written, “You deserve good things! I love you.” Taken aback and

surprised, I placed the box down on my bedroom floor and began to cry, releasing all the heavy

emotions and tension which I held before. It was as if this were a sign from a higher power to

start reflecting upon these messages of confidence rather than beating myself up with unpleasant

phrases. I was being called to look at myself in a new light and find ways to accept and love

what made me different from my peers.

Later on, my younger sister, Yanna, revealed to me that she found my box, unbeknownst

to her that it belonged to me, and decided to completely clear the mirror. She was about

nine-years-old when she made this decision, so out of child-like innocence, she wrote positive

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statements to replace the former negative ones. After learning about my sister’s actions, I made a

second revelation about my negative mindset. I had younger sisters who looked up to me and

viewed me as their sole role model. I had to change my negative outlook in order to better take

care of myself, as well as, display myself as confident in order to motivate my sisters. The switch

towards being confident over my abilities and my appearance didn’t happen overnight, but the

cleansing of my mirror definitely pushed me towards a more positive direction.

Language is an integral part of identity and culture. It is used to communicate with one

another, to express oneself, and to find a sense of community and belonging within one’s

heritage. Throughout the reading “How to Tame a Wild Tongue,” Gloria Anzaldúa emphasizes

the importance of language in the formation of one’s identity and recounts moments where she

was alienated for speaking her own language, Chicano Spanish. She describes Chicano Spanish

as “A language which they can connect their identity to, one capable of communicating the

realities and values true to themselves...” (27), emphasizing the language’s connection to identity

and as something of comfort to Chicanx. The language allows for a non-binary communication

as it is neither solely English or solely Spanish, but a mixture of the two.

After reading Anzaldùa’s work, I realized that the ​type​ of language one uses, positive or

negative, also affects identity and can affect how a person feels on a daily basis. After all, she

declares “Ethnic identity is twin skin to linguistic identity--I am my language.” (30) The heinous

language which I used on my mirror to break myself down translated into a self-loathing identity

which I brought to school every day. Once these negative statements became part of who I was,

it also plagued other parts of my identity, such as my ethnic identity and the way I perceived my

physique. I internalized the negative sentiments from my mirror and belittled myself for being

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too dark compared to my classmates. I became ashamed of my culture. However, after seeing my

negative language replaced with warm-hearted words of positivity, I decided to take those

affirmations in and build a more confident mindset towards myself. I changed the language

which I used to describe myself and it made all the difference in creating the confident person I

am today.

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 Works Cited

Anzaldúa, Gloria. “How to Tame a Wild Tongue,” ​Ways of Reading: An Anthology for

Writers​,​ ​Edited by David Bartholomae, Bedford/Martin’s, 10 January 2014, 26-35.

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