Francesca Rovalino

Professor Sinclair
LBST 2301-336
November 6, 2019
Polished Flash: ​Reciprocity and Empathy

A big part of reciprocity is empathy, which is not to be confused with sympathy. As

Brené Brown stated, “Empathy fuels connection. Sympathy drives disconnection”, meaning that

we must not only express a response, but we should understand the situation in depth and put

ourselves in that position. You must feel with them, rather than just for them. If you truly value a

person, you will feel empathy whether it is positive or negative. This is how you grow any

relationship with another person and how you can learn to understand them and their thoughts.

The connection with reciprocity lies in how even you are with someone else in the sense that no

one wants to feel like they are putting in more effort than they are receiving.

In the video ​Brené Brown on Empathy,​ there are four qualities of empathy that are

introduced: perspective taking, staying out of judgement, recognizing emotions in other people,

and then communicating that. Perspective taking is putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and

imagining yourself in that situation and thinking about how you would feel and how you would

react. Staying out of judgement is important because it establishes trust and makes the other

person feel safe and comfortable in sharing things about their life. Recognizing emotions in other

people can be from body language, the way they speak, and their overall behavior. Finally,

communication is key. Brown added, “Rarely can a response make something better; what

makes something better is connection”, which means that after taking all of these qualities into

consideration, you have to ensure that they do not feel alone and that they know you are there not

only for them, but with them.

 Francesca Rovalino
Professor Sinclair
LBST 2301-336
November 6, 2019
With empathy, it is also important to keep an open mind, which relates back to the first

two qualities of perspective taking and staying out of judgement. In keeping an open mind, you

do not discredit or dismiss them or their feelings about a situation. Just because someone else’s

struggle doesn’t necessarily affect you does not mean it is insignificant. To value a person is to

value their feelings when they are both at their highest and lowest. Brown included how

statements beginning with “at least” show a lack of compassion, because rather than making

someone look on the bright side, this can push them to feel more alone because they will feel like

you do not understand.

Unfortunately, this is also the case for many people suffering from mental illnesses.

People like to put this idea in other people’s heads that what they are going through isn’t ​that

bad, which drives people to isolation and into a darker place. Similarly, comparing your

struggles to theirs does not help, but reassuring them that you know what they are feeling or that

you understand. When a person comes to you seeking support, it is about them and not you. In

conclusion, remember to take the four qualities of empathy into consideration when the people

you value, come to you with something personal that is troubling them, because the support that

they need comes from empathy, not sympathy.

Resource: Brené Brown on Empathy https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw

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