There’s an essential precondition for all fundraising: FRIENDraising.

It’s the work horse that pulls the cart. Marketing and fundraising have changed so much since
the digital revolution, you can no longer simply push messages out to folks and expect them
to jump on board. So, let’s harness the relationship-building strength of your horsepower (or
people power) and see where it can lead!

Why is this so important right now?

We’re entering prime fundraising season. You still have time to warm folks up before you
make an appeal. If your donors haven’t heard much from you since they made their last gift,
they’re not likely to be feeling very friendly towards you. You know what they say: Out of
sight, out of mind.

Several years ago I came across an article by Vera Peerdeman, 6 Things you get with
friendraising,on the 101 Fundraising Crowdblog. It looked at each of the six letters in
FRIEND and described friendraising as a way to, ultimately, get a gift. After all, that’s the
whole point of fundraising. Yet asking folks to “show you the money” isn’t enough if you
want sustainable fundraising. For that, you need friendraising.
Friendraising is about crafting a donor-centered journey that predisposes folks to want
to give, and keep on giving.
And along the way, you get so much more than a one-time or token gift. There are
transactions here and there, for sure. But you don’t just ask, put the money in the bank, send a
receipt, and call it a day. Each transaction is a stepping stone to the next. And the next after
that.
Sadly, too often fundraising is practiced transactionally. One-gift stands. Here today, gone
tomorrow. Which is why the state of donor retention has been absolutely abysmal over the
past decade, hovering at just 45-46%. Once donors are lost, they seldom return. The rate of
recapture has been steadily declining since 2013, going from 6.9% to 6.2% to 5.6% to 5.3% to
5.1%.
Friendraising is about transformational relationships.
Ones that will sustain your mission through thick and thin. For this to happen, you need to
take charge of the donor journey. You’re a donor journey guide. A sherpa of sorts. You take
your donor by the hand, welcome them on board, thank them more than once, show them the
sights, and help them get to their ultimate destination.
Let’s take a look at all 13 letters in FRIENDRAISING. (Peerdeman came up with the first six
(I’ve added my own annotations); the rest are mine.
FRIENDRAISING by the letters
F= Fun!
The process should be fun and uplifting; not onerous and painful. When people are afraid
of asking, they won’t do it. Especially volunteers. Onerous fundraising is not sustainable.
R = Relationships
The process should evolve over multiple touch points; not one-time transactions. If you
want gifts, you must give them. You can’t just take. One-night stands are not sustainable.
I = Innovation
Look outside your inner circle and tried-and-true methods and discover new forms of
engagement. If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll miss out on where people
communicate and get their information from today. If you don’t grow, you die. That’s not
sustainable.
E = Euros (the author is Dutch)
Okay, it will ultimately turn into money, and you don’t want to forget that’s why you’re
doing it. But people want to be loved for more than their wallets. Focusing only on money is
not sustainable.
N = Network
Embrace the power of peoples’ networks. New door openers, ambassadors, advocates and
influencers can do wonders for your organization. Connectors create sustainability.
D= Dialogue
It’s not a one-way street. That won’t bring you and your donors home to where the heart is.
Heartfelt fundraising is sustainable.
R = Reciprocity
Ask not what your donor can do for you, but what you can do for your donor.
Relationships take work; they need to be invested in before we ask too much of them. And
friendship cuts both ways; a true friendship is mutually beneficial. So what does your
prospective donor value? The entire foundation of philanthropy is values. Perhaps I want to
give back because I so valued the scholarship I received… or the great health care I got… or
the food and shelter I was given. Perhaps I want to give because of religions values. Perhaps I
value learning about people from different cultures, and your organization serves immigrants
or focuses on global issues. Whatever I value, I will appreciate your making it possible for me
to act in fulfillment of those values. Facilitate a meaningful value-for-value exchange for
me, and I’ll be your friend forever.
A = Assurance
Your donors must believe in you. They must trust you. They must feel assured that any
investment with you will be wisely stewarded. They must be reassured that their investment
was used for the purposes you promised. Earn my trust; it doesn’t happen overnight.
I = Inspiration
The word inspire comes from the Latin and means ‘to breathe in’. It’s your job to inspire
your donors so much that they want to breathe in the stories you are telling them. They want
to be a part of the pictures you are showing them. They want “in”. Dante used the word to
connote creative power. Inspire me to act on my strength and ability to create positive
change in the world.
S = Satisfaction
If you don’t satisfy your donors, then you won’t get them to renew. Donors who are very
satisfied are twice as likely to give next year as those who are merely satisfied. This
means you need to get to know them. Not everyone is satisfied by the same thing. If I like
meat loaf, don’t give me ice cream. If I like casual one-to-one coffee meetings, don’t invite
me to black tie events. If I like email, don’t phone me. If I support children’s services, don’t
talk to me all about senior services. Satisfy me that you know me.
I = Ignition
You have to light the fuse that ignites your donor’s passions. First you must look deep
within yourself and ignite your own passions. This is not something you can do successfully
by simply phoning it in. If you’re going to preach religion, you’ve got to get religion.
N = Not quite yet
When you’re friend raising, you’re building up to the ask. The prospective donor isn’t
quite ready yet. They need more courtship. You wouldn’t ask someone to marry you on the
first date either. So it’s important to take a genuine interest in your donors. You must listen,
and you must come to love. That’s when they’ll be ready to love you back. Turn ‘not quite
yet’ into ‘now’.
G = Gratitude and grace
You must be grateful for your donors. They’re not “marks”. They’re genuinely caring
people who share the values your organization enacts in the community. If you engage with
them in a donor-centric manner, they’ll also be grateful to you for helping them enact their
values. It’s a circle of goodness and grace. With friendship, goodwill abounds and all are
disposed towards generosity – of spirit and purse.

A gift is good, but it’s just a gift. Friendship leads to loyal commitment. And loyal
commitment is what leads to a desire to maintain a dynamic relationship into the future. And
how do you get that commitment? Keep in mind lessons learned about what donors are
thinking from Penelope Burk and her work on donor-centered fundraising. We know from
Burk’s research that people will give more when they feel connected to your mission and
know their giving yields results. Donors want personal feedback so they know they’re
making a difference. They want the powerful feeling you get from