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Running head: JOURNEY OF LIFELONG LEARNING AND SELF REFLECTION

A Journey of Lifelong Learning and Self Reflection

An Autoethnography

Jemimah Razalan

Seattle University
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Abstract

In a continuously changing and evolving world, I find myself becoming busier in multiple

aspects of my day-to-day activities. And with all the unfortunate and unpleasant things I see,

hear, or read on the news I tend to increasingly question the reasons behind human actions. This

in turn forces me to constantly self-reflect. This autoethnography is an exploration of my K-12

educational and undergraduate educational experiences and family upon my multicultural

competence development and an assessment of my current level of multicultural competence.

What has made me into the person I am? What makes me the student affairs practitioner I am? In

order to address these questions, focusing on my development in multicultural development in

the Student Development Program, I must, again, reluctantly revisit memories which I had

locked away in the back of my mind and travel through my perspectives, values, biases, and

goals for multicultural competence.

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A Journey of Lifelong Learning and Self Reflection

On Multicultural Competence Development

Comfort comes in two different measures. One, some people are comfortable with

routines because they are repetitive, less challenging, familiar, and the outcomes are anticipated.

However, many have found that when a person stays in the same state because it makes them

feel safe and comfortable, they grow very slowly as a person; when things around them change,

they find it challenging to accept and adapt, and in turn, they feel overwhelmed and depressed.

The second measure of comfort comes from extensive amount of support through trials and

errors; some people (especially young ones) need guidance and support from the persons they

look up to, even though they are not exactly sure of what they want. However, when they do not

feel supported but are rather forced or influenced into taking a path in which they are not sure to

take, they eventually feel lost and become depressed.

I was born and raised in the Jehovah’s Witnesses (JW) faith. It was always instilled in

me that my life belonged only to God, everything I did should only be for God, and that I should

view everything in this world as temporary because it will be destroyed in Armageddon.

However, even though I was following all the rules of the faith, I constantly was depressed; I felt

sad, angry, and agitated most of the time, and did not really know why. My parents were happy

that I was fulfilling the path that they chose for me, but I somehow did not feel content and

happy. When I wanted to try out new paths, I was discouraged to let the desires for them grow.

For a long time, I felt unfulfilled. Then I was disfellowshipped (excommunicated) from the JW

organization at the age of 24. It was the first time that I had broken away from the ‘bubble,’ but I
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did not know where to go and what to do. Experiencing the world in a different angle, as a non-

JW, was challenging and scary.

To the reader, please note that the following accounts mentioned are my own personal

experiences and outlook, focusing on my multicultural competence development. I am not trying

to talk ill about the JW religion, nor I am speaking on behalf of anyone who has had gone

through similar experiences as I had in the religion.

It is difficult to talk about the following experiences because it forces me to reach back to

times that I keep wanting to move on from. Every time I do a mental revisit, mixed emotions

come rushing back and I go to a dark place. But I cannot describe my multicultural competence

development without mentioning several experiences that had led me to where I am.

Reflection of Own Multicultural Competence Development

K-12 education. From primary to secondary school, I missed out on many

extracurricular activities, including activities that were related to common celebrations and

religious or national holidays like birthdays, Easter, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. I

have never experienced going to prom. School activities are not encouraged, and common

celebrations go against the JW beliefs. There were many times when I felt left out. I wanted to

join in all the fun activities. I wanted to make friends, but I could not exactly deem people as

friends if they did not believe what I believed, accept my faith and become one of JWs.

There were friendships that appeared to form, through preaching about my faith, but they

did not last long because I was not able to convert my ‘potential’ friends to the JW faith.

However, preaching allowed me to befriend others with different backgrounds and culture, even

though the friendships lasted a short period of time.

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Undergraduate education. My first college experience began at the College of the

Marshall Islands (CMI), “a single entity post-secondary agency to serve the needs of the

Republic [of the Marshall Islands]” (College of the Marshall Islands Act 1992). Here was where

I gradually began participating in some of the student activities such as the Student Leadership

Program. The activities allowed opportunities for me to get to know students with different

backgrounds, beliefs, and lifestyles, which molded my viewpoints on life and human interaction.

There were students, who knew that I was a JW but never spoke to me, that became interested in

making my acquaintance. Despite what I was taught most of my life, I could not comprehend

why God would destroy the world when there were still many good and beautiful souls in it.

On my last semester at CMI, I was no longer a JW. After earning my associate degree,

without a clear direction, I pursued the only thing I knew would motivate me to move forward,

higher education. With no clear plan, I left my home in the Marshall Islands and moved to

Hawaii. I comforted myself by thinking, “At least I am going to give myself time to heal, start

fresh, discover new experiences, and find myself, while pursuing my bachelor's degree.” It was

hard, because even though I made new friends and was among friends, I still felt alone. Even

though I was not part of the JW organization anymore, there were still some parts of me that

were still in that “bubble.” One of the mindsets that I had to break away from was my view of

members of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer or questioning, intersex, and asexual or

allied community. Studying at the University of Hawaii at Hilo and living in Hawaii helped me

to become more open-minded and accepting of different identities.

Family. Although my parents were not encouraged to pursue higher education when they

were young, they did not discourage me to pursue mine. When certain circumstances in their

lives changed, they realized how important it was to hold a college degree when it came to find
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better paying jobs. However, I was reminded that acquiring a degree was enough for me to find a

good job that will sustain me and allow me to serve God wholly. Due to this focus on devoting

our lives to God, I did not think to learn about my Filipino culture.

I was born and raised in the Marshall Islands. In order to preach the word of God to the

Marshallese people, we had to learn how to speak, read, and write in Marshallese. I was not

taught my native language, including common Filipino customs like the pagmamano (a gesture

performed as a sign of respect to elders which involved a greeting bow towards an elder, taking

their hand, and pressing it to my forehead).

Even though I was not taught my own culture, I learned a different one. I grew up

identifying myself as Marshallese. However, I still felt that I did not fit in anywhere; most

Marshallese do not view me as Marshallese, and most Filipinos do not see me as Filipino

because I cannot fluently speak the language and do not practice the customs.

Despite the feeling of not knowing where I belong, the more I kept learning and

discovering new things through my academic journey, the more I understood myself and my

identities. I am Filipino, born a Marshallese citizen. I am a woman. I am a daughter. I am a

mother. I am a student and an evolving leader. I am somewhat agnostic, and that is okay.

Current Level of Multicultural Competence Assessment

Developed areas. Although I was quite sheltered, I learned important ethics and morals

from the JW organization and the people I grew up around, such as being respectful to people

who are older than me and to authority, and being kind to and considerate of others.

Pursuing higher education has helped me broaden these three areas extensively. I aspire

to be respectful, kind, and considerate to everyone regardless of their race, gender, sex, age,
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disability, religion, etc. Self-reflection is becoming a habit. I want to make sure that whatever I

do and say does not hurt or offend anyone.

These three areas have grown in depth since I started pursuing my master’s in Student

Development Administration (SDA) at Seattle University. Respectfulness has extended to

humility, kindness to patience, and consideration to empathy. Being amongst a great diversity of

students has lead me to a new level of self-reflection and lifelong learning.

Areas to develop. The courses I have taken so far, under the SDA Program, has brought

to my attention that human identities are profoundly diverse. I am drawn to Robert Kegan’s life

span model of development which focuses on the evolution of self and how a person makes

sense of their world, their relationship with others; he identified self-authorship - “the internal

capacity to define one’s beliefs, identity, and social relations” (Patton, Renn, Guido, and Quaye,

2016, pp. 15, 16). Pope, Reynolds, and Mueller said that “an appreciation of the importance of

students as knowers and as vital contributors to understanding their own growth and

development is central to developing valid and meaningful theories” (2004, p. 350).

The following are areas that I would like to develop because I believe that they are

several of the key components of a multiculturally effective professional; taking criticism with

an open-mind (without taking it offensively), giving positive constructive feedback, and being

comfortable connecting with people. I know that I will not be able to effectively grow as a

person and as a student affairs practitioner if I keep staying in my shell. Even though it is

challenging for me to take criticism, provide constructive feedback, and connect with people, I

know that practice and putting myself out there will eventually give me confidence and

effectively develop my multicultural competence.

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References

Patton, L. D., Renn, K. A., Guido, F. M., & Quaye,S. J. (2016). Student development in college:

Theory, research, and practice (3rd edition). San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.

Pope, R. L., Reynolds, A. L., Mueller, J. A. (2004). Multicultural competence in student affairs.

CA: Jossey-Bass/Wiley.

Republic of the Marshall Islands (1992, April). College of the marshall islands act 1992 [PDF].

Retrieved from

http://rmiparliament.org/cms/images/LEGISLATION/PRINCIPAL/1992/1992-

0013/CollegeoftheMarshallIslandsActof1992_1.pdf