‘Teechers’ by John Godber Pg 12

Characters = Gail, Nixon & Hobby

Gail Sir, are teachers rich? Nixon Not at the moment.

Nixon Nooooo! Gail Brilliant.

Gail What about Mrs Parry, she’s got a massive car? Hobby Do you like this school, sir?

Nixon She might be, but I’m not. Nixon Yeh, it’s OK, you lot are awkward, but OK.

Hobby Are you married, sir? Hobby Sir, what do you think it’s important for a teacher to
do?
Nixon No. Next question.
Nixon Well, I think a teacher should have a good
Gail Sir, is this school for thickies? relationship, if he hasn’t got a relationship he can only ever be a
teacher, never a person.
Nixon Why?
Gail What about Mr Basford, he hasn’t got a good
Gail ‘Cos when we’re going home, all the kids from the relationship with the kids…
posh school, Saint George’s … ask us if we can add up, and they
ask if we’ve got any table tennis homework? Nixon Well I can’t speak for Mr Basford can I?

Hobby Sir, all the kids who go to that school are snobs… Hobby Sir, the bell’s gone…
Their dads drive big cars…
Nixon You’d better go and get it then – and go quietly.
Gail And they call us “divvies”…

Hobby Sir, because they go there they think they’re better

than us.

Gail And they say our teachers are shit. Oh sorry, didn’t
mean to say that.

Hobby Mr Basford’s sons go there don’t they?

Gail Yeh, two twins. “Twinnies” they’re called. They’re

right brainy…Sir, have you got a girlfriend?