One Ring To Rule Them All

ALEX
Excellent. Well I think that just about wraps up our content discussion for Two Blithering Idiots.

JADE
Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! Let's all speak in tongues!

ALEX AND JADE

SPEAK IN TONGUES FOR TEN SECONDS

JADE
Zippity day. Zippity dee!

ALEX
Quack!

JADE
So you'll get the scripts written by next Tuesday and I'll sort out the advertising budget?

ALEX
Yep, no problem. All good.

JADE
Grand. Well, I'll see you later then.

ALEX
Cool beans. Uh, Jade? Just one little extra thing.

JADE
Is it related to Two Blithering Idiots?

ALEX
Yep, little bit.

JADE
Well then we will have to reopen the meeting again.

ALEX
Oh. Of course.

JADE
And that means going through the standard opening ceremony.
ALEX
Mmm humm. Ready?

JADE
Ready.

ALEX
HALLELUJAH. LET'S ALL SPEAK IN TONGUES!

ALEX AND JADE

Speak in tongues for ten seconds.

JADE
Honk honk! Squiggle-ti day!

ALEX
Neeps!

JADE
Right, what did you want to add to the proceedings?

ALEX
This script idea. One Ring To Rule Them All?

JADE
Mmm. What about it?

ALEX
Well. It's a bit of a specific script idea, isn't it? One Ring to Rule Them All. Did you want a Lord
of the Rings parody or something?

JADE
Well, maybe. MY PRECIOUS. It was just an idea, really, wasn't it. Something to give you some
inspiration. STUPID FAT HOBBIT.

ALEX
I… see. And it has nothing to do with your approaching birthday?

JADE
What? Of course not.

ALEX
It's just that you are about to turn 30, aren't you?

JADE
DON'T MENTION THAT!

ALEX
Why not?

JADE
I haven't started therapy yet. I am not going to be 30. I will be 29. Forever.

ALEX
And I did find…

JADE
In fact, I am going to be 29 for another year, and then I am going to see about being 28 again. I
feel like there were a few things I could improve the second time round.

ALEX
Jade, you're not listening. I did find this little wish-list of yours.

JADE
What wish-list?

ALEX
This one.

JADE
That's not mine. I don't know what you're talking about.

ALEX
Really? Well, it's in your handwriting, it's written on your personalized notepaper with your name
at the top, and you've signed it "All my love, Jade."

JADE
How absurd. I would never sign anything like that. What does it say, anyway?

ALEX
Well, it's entitled "Things I Want To Own Before I'm 30."

JADE
How very quaint. Whoever wrote it must be quite, quite sad and pathetic.
ALEX
You wrote it, Jade. Let's not lie to each other.

JADE
ALL RIGHT so what if I wrote it.

ALEX
Well it looks like there are a lot of ring-oriented goals on it.

JADE
Such as?

ALEX
You want to own Saturn's rings.

JADE
And? That's fine. No law against it, is there? Now, meeting adjourned.

ALEX
Not a law, I just think it's impractical. Why do you want to own Saturn's rings anyway?

JADE
Just to decorate my house, all right? Like the Beyonce song. If you like it, you should put a ring
on it.

ALEX
Funny you should mention that. The list also says you want to own that song.

JADE
So?

ALEX
Not even the song, actually, just that one line. "If you like it, then you should've put a ring on it."

JADE
I just think it's catchy. Now is that all? Meeting ajourned!

ALEX
Hold on a moment. You also want to own The One Ring from the aforementioned The Lord of
the Rings.

JADE
Well it WOULD make dashing around the neighbourhood without any clothes on a lot less risky.
ALEX
It would if it existed. And you also want to own a sketch about rings. What is with the ring thing?

JADE
I'm just super into rings at the moment.

ALEX
Jade. Is this all because you're approaching 30 and Shirt Man still hasn't proposed to you? This
isn't some sort of elaborate HINT that you want him to get his skates on and get down on one
knee?

JADE
I've never heard of anything so absurd in my life.

ALEX
Good, because -

JADE
For a start, who would put skates on AND THEN get down on one knee? That would completely
defeat the point of putting the skates on.

ALEX
Jade

JADE
Skates are for rolling around the neighbourhood without any clothes on.

ALEX
Jade

JADE
Just in case the police turn up.

ALEX
Jade!

JADE
Shut up. And write the damn sketch. Meeting adjourned. HALLELUJAH! Let's all speak in
tongues!

(Much tongue speaking from the pair of them)