Man Code

1. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever! Unless you actually
marry her.

2. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information
as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

3. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within
24 hours.

4. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases, "down in Tijuana", "one time
when we were all piss drunk", or "and this girl had the biggest rack you ever saw".

5. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without recrimination, beyond
that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out "bullshit!". (exception: when trying to pick up a
girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%)

6. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

7. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6
minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the
classic 1-10 scale.

8. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. But gripe at
will if the temperature is not suitable.

9. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill, car, firstborn child - within 12 hr
notice. Women or anything considered "lucky" are not applicable in this case.

10. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the hot babe he's
trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with your good deed and end up
getting on the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it.

11. Do not torpedo single friends.

12. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

13. Before dating a buddy's ex you are required to ask his permission. If he grants it, he is however
allowed to say, "man, you're gonna love the way she licks your balls"

14. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate
knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

15. If a man's zipper is down, that’s his problem, you didn’t see anything!

16. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (in fact, even
remembering your best friend's birthday is optional)
17. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriends cat, even if it was you who
secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

18. While your girlfriend must bond with your buddies girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting
them, you are not required to make nice with her gal pal's boyfriends- low level sports bonding is
all the law requires.

19. Unless you have a lucrative endorsement contract, do not appear in public wearing more than
one Nike swoosh.

20. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score of
the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

21. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly, whiny, loser friend of hers, you must
grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse about
joining the priesthood.

22. Only in a situation of mortal danger or ass peril are you permitted to kick another member of
the male species in the testicles.

23. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. This includes men who aren't wearing shirts. If your
buddy is outnumbered outmanned, or too drunk to defend himself, you must jump into the fight.
Exception: if during the past 24 hours your friends actions have caused you to think "what this guy
needs is a good ass wuppin", in which case you may refrain from getting involved and stand back
and enjoy.

24. Friends don’t let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Case closed.

25. Fives must be called at all times when getting out of your seat. If not, your seat is up for grabs.
However, "house rules" may come into effect, in which case it is left up to the owner of the seat.

26. Shotgun can be called on anything where a shotgun applies., as long as you are in eyesight of the
object, or it is at a reasonable time.

27. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of
better athletes- as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.

28. If you ever compliment a guy's six pack, you better be talking about his choice of beverage.

29. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours, unless she is withholding sex, pending
your response.

30. Phrases that may never be uttered to another man while lifting weights:
"Yeah, baby, push it!"
"Come on, give me one more, harder!"
"Another set and we can hit the showers"
"Nice ass! Are you a Sagittarius?"

31. Never hesitate to reach for the last beverage or pizza, but not both. That’s just mean.
32. Never talk to another man in the bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both
waiting in line for all other situations an "I recognize you" nod will do just fine.

33. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have
sex with her. Keep a stopwatch nearby, hang up if necessary.

34. You cannot rat out a friend who shows up to work or class with a massive hangover, however
you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on his
computer way up so he thinks it's broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.

35. If you catch your girl messing around with your best friend, let your states crime of passion laws
be your guide.

36. If your buddy is trying to hook up with a girl, you may sabotage him only in a manner that gives
you no chances of getting any either.

37. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must attempt one intervention. If he
can get up on his feet, look you in the eye, and deliver a "fuck off" then you are absolved from all
responsibility. Later on it is ok that you have no idea what his girlfriend is talking about.

38. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a friend", go at it, the fact that you're
feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about
what a big mistake it was.

39. If a buddy has lint, an eyelash, or any other foreign object on his hair or face, under no
circumstances are you permitted to remove it. However an appropriate hand gesture may be made
to make him aware of it.

40. An anniversary is recognized on a yearly basis, under no circumstances will anything be

celebrated in an interval other than a year

41. When using a urinal in a public restroom, a buffer zone of at least one urinal will exist at all
times. If the only empty urinal is directly next to an occupied on, then you are still required to wait.
(Exception: at a sporting event where a line has formed to use the pisser)

42. When coming to a room which you know is occupied by your friend and possibly another girl,
you must knock and wait for an adequate response. If no response occurs, and the door is locked, a
10 minute period is required before knocking again.

43. The only time dicking over a buddy for a girl is legal, is when the girl ranks a 8 or above on the
1-10 scale. (exception: a girl may rank from 5-7, as long as there is oral sex involved).

44. A mans gotta scratch what a mans gotta scratch. This applies to picking as well. Let the man be.

45. No man shall ever watch any of the following programs on TV:
Figure skating
Men's gymnastics
Any sport involving women (unless viewed for sexual purposes)
46. If you accidentally touch or brush against any part of another man below the waist, it is an
understood accident, and NO apologies or any reference to the occurrence is necessary.

47. No man shall spend more than 2 minutes in front of a mirror. If more time is required, a three
minute waiting period must be allowed before returning to the mirror.

48. Any dispute lasting any longer than 3 minutes will and must be settled by rock, paper, scissors.
There is no argument too important for this determining method.

49. No man will ever willingly watch a movie in which the main theme is dancing, and if a man shall
happen to view such a movie it is only acceptable if it's with a girlfriend.

50. Only acceptable time when a man is allowed to cry:

when a heroic dog dies to save his master.
after being struck in the testicles with anything moving fast than 7 mph.
When your date is using her teeth.
The day Anna Kornikova chooses a husband.

51. If a bet is made, and the challenge is completed, then the bettor may recoup his money by
immediately completing a more daring challenge. If he refuses the challenge or chooses not to
propose one, then and only then, must the money be paid.

52. Masturbate often. (exception: if your roommate is due back within the hour)

53. If a hot girl shall happen to pass by while you are in an arm's reach of your buddy, you must, and
will, tap him on the shoulder to make him aware of the babe.

54. A man's shoes may not intentionally match any other article of clothing on his body.

55. No comment shall ever be made to a man about how much he is sweating. In fact, there is no
need bring notice to any body part which he may be sweating from.

56. No man shall ever allow anyone to speak ill of The Simpsons or any Rocky movie. (Exception:
Rocky V)

57. You have not made any mistake if you find that there are extra pieces after reassembling or
assembling an object. In fact, you have just found a way to make that object more efficient.

58. There are is never an occasion in which any shirt without buttons may be tucked in. (Exception:
when you are participating in a organized sporting event)

59. Unless you are under the age of 11 or wearing a bathing suit,, DON’T wear tighty whities. It still
escapes all reasoning as to why they even make them in adult sizes.

60. Any object thrown with reasonable speed and accuracy, MUST be caught.

61. No man shall ever keep track of, or count, the amount of beers he has had in a night.
62. Under no circumstances may two non-related men share a bed or anything which can be
perceived as a mattress.

63. In an empty room, car, etc., a man cannot ask another man if he is mad because he isn’t talking.

64. If you jiggle more than twice, you're playing with it.

65. A man shall never help another man apply sun tan oil.

66. The guy who wants something the most is responsible for getting it.

67. If your friend says "Lick my nuts" as a way to put you down, don't try to be funny by saying "OK"
and moving your head towards his crotch, two homosexual references in a row are just plain scary...

68. If you say ouch, you are a pussy!

69. It is the God given duty of every man to assist any other man that may be in need of assistance
in obtaining every guys dream (threesome with two girls)

70.Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolate.

71.Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow
partygoers.

72.The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

73.A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

74.It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach...
and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.

75.A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

76.Unlocking a car door for another man is polite. Opening it is gay.

* with every set of laws, there are appropriate punishments. If any man shall happen to break any
one of these codes, he will be found guilty, and will, for 24 hours from the time of the violation, be
considered NOT A MAN. During this time he will not be referred to in any masculine way, and he
shall bear the name Princess.

--------------------------------------------------

The Man Laws

1. No wasted beer in the name of humor.

2. It has been made official that under no circumstances should the male have to pay for birth
control
3. If your best friend is dumped by a girl it is a 6 month waiting period till she can be touched. If
he breaks up with her its a 6 day waiting period.

4. If two or more males arrived at a party by a single car, and the driving male is hooking up with
a girl, it is the responsibility of the other males to find other ways home.
(The exception to this law is if the driver is hooking up with his own girlfriend, the law is then
void and the driver still holds full resposibility of driving his frinds home)

5. Short shorts have been banned.. unless in a participating in a sporting event that demands
shorter shorts. Also no real man should be allowed to pop his collar.

6. Every man shall allow one empty urinal of separation in a bathroom with three or more
urinals, law is void if there are dividers in between each urinal.

7. If a girl and a guy are not officialy dating then it can't be considered cheating. However...if the
guy cheats with a girl that is less attractive to the one he is originally interested in then he is
either... A) Drunk or B) Dumbass. This then gives the original girl the right to either get mad or
laugh at you.

8. No one should ever steal a man's alcohol from that man's cooler...this is the only law that
suffers the penalty of death.

9. When bringing condoms to a party it is a man's responsibility to pack two in his pockets and
one in his car as a spare incase a friend is in desperate need.

10. No heavy fornication in a friend's bed. Or just wash the sheets.

11. No man shall every use a rolling backpack. If you can't carry the bag then your not a man.

12. If another man's fly is down, you didn't see anything and may not make a comment about it.

13. When a man is borrowing a buddies tool or other equipment, if the borrowie puts any
scratches or brings it back with any noticable wear, then he is required to do one of the
following: If the item costs under 50 bucks, you are required to replace it. If the item costs over
50 bucks, you are required to give him a case of beer, because hey...who wants to spend more
than 50 bucks on something that isn't yours.

14. When your friend picks up a hot girl...however the hot girl has an ugly friend...it is only right
that you operate as a wing man doing whatever it is you gotta do to help your buddy have some
time alone with the hot girl. As men we are obligated to sacrifice and pay it forward for each
other knowing that the favor will one day be repayed.

15. When calling shotgun, all riders of the car must be outside, and shotgun can only be called
when the car is in view. Riders in the car are not allowed to run to shotgun and steal it before the
person who called and deserves it arrives there. The driver of the car has no authority to decide
on who gets shotgun. If a legitimate confrontation comes up where the rightful owner of the
shotgun can not be determined then it will be decided by one round of paper rock scissors (with
no shoot). If the two contenders tie 5 times in a row then the rightful owner of the shotgun is to
be decided by a UFC cage match in which the first blood drawn decides the rightful owner of
shotgun.

Addendum to Man Law No. 15:

If at any point during the process of determining the shotgun rider a hot girl hints that she would
like to sit up front the driver has the sole right to declare her the shotgun rider and depending
upon the situation may even deny rides to all other passengers. However, if said hot girl is an ex
of any passenger they may overrule the driver's decision and make her ride in the back.
Additionally, if all passengers happen to be female then revert back to original method of
deciding shotgun rider substituting mud wrestling for UFC cage match. The winner then gets
either a cold water hose down or shotgun the next ride unless the car is really ****ty and the
owner doesn’t care about muddy seats.

16. It is PAPER, ROCK, SCISSORS with no shoot. If you must say shoot, it has to be agreed
upon by both men and a witness has to be present and somewhat sober.

17. When toasting with beers you clank with the bottom.

18. You poke it you own it.

19. The head nod is an acceptable way to greet another guy when simply walking past. No words
are needed to be said. An upward nod is for friends, a downward nod is for fellow men.

20. If a man is on vacation to a state that does not border his own, or any other country, it is not
considered cheating if he so chooses to engage in sexual activity with a girl other than his
girlfriend. Although he should be fully aware that his girlfriend may not see eye to eye if she was
to ever find out.

21. A man should not masturbate more than 3 times in a day to insure being ready for any
unknown or known late night action. Assisting Girls does not count.. rule is in exception if male
party is in a bet to set a record of number of times in a day.

22. A man shall never wear any article of women's clothing (I.E .. Girls Jeans/Pants!) unless they
are the loser of such a bet.. or if a man is figuratively in a girls pants.. (or any other article of
clothing).

23. No man in any circumstance, unless mocking a violater of this law, should pop his collar.

24. A man should never be denied the right to adjust himself or place his hands down his pants
under any circumstances.

25. BEING GAY IS NOT ALLOWED... EVER, NO EXCEPTIONS. All gay "people" lose the
title of man, and should never be referred to, in any context, as man.

26. All men must eat meat. A ****load of meat. If not borderline carnivore. For no reason
should a man ever be a vegitarian, or eat sick **** like tofu. Also no man should consume any
food with the terms "diet", "fat free", or any other healthy suggesting terms for the sake of
"watching his weight" or dieting.

27. Every man is required to learn some form of Poker before he dies.

28. If a man ever does something wrong a simple "OOPS", "My Bad", or any variations of cuss
words that get the point across will suffice, no need to say "I'm Sorry"

29. No man should ever hook up with his best friend's girl, no matter how hot she is. This is in
effect while they are dating or "together." If they are seperated refer to Law 3 for the proper way
to handle the situation. (Side Advice: Less guilt is involved if she comes on to you.

30. Under no circumstance should any one man cockblock another mans attempt at getting some
tang. Lets just leave that up to the tangs fat friend. Please note that cockblocking will result in a
suspension of your Man status and its privileges, and will result in the title Manbitch.

31. Every man should watch sportscenter at least once a day, though multiple viewings are
recomended so that one can hold his own in any debate on sports that may arise that day.

32. Under no circumstances shall any man lay a hand on a female or a child in violence.
Spanking of a woman's ass or pulling of the hair is permitted if done on request. Corporal
punishment is permitted excluding obvious extremes.

33. If a woman is present whether family or friend no man under any circumstances shall make
their own food or pour their own drinks unless it is a special holiday such as, Mother's day,
Birthday's, or St. Patrick's day or if the woman cannot keep up with the pace you want your drink
poured. Law is void if significant grilling is involved.

34. No man shall ever watch a soap opera ever! Period! If this law is broken, it will result in the
lowering of status from man to manbitch and the questioning of the liking of opposite gendered
relationships.

35. Women can't drive.

36. In the court of Man Law the statement "I was Drunk" will have the same effect as an insanity
plea (reduced punishment) in standard court provided the defendant's blood alcohol level exceeds
.10.

37. If any male is caught violating a Man Law in serious context, as a form of punishment he
should be disowned of his manly name, only to receive the title of "Manbitch" from his peers and
colleagues. Forgiveness is pending the severity of the broken law...or a case of beer to all his
offended peers as a token of respect to what is manly...and what is not.
38. Any man that is old enough and is not in the army should at least support the troops, even if
you dont agree with the war they are your country men fighting to protect you and you should
show them your support

39. No more crushing of empty beer cans or your forehead. modern, thinner cans make the feat
less impressive than with cans of years past.

40. If you take beer to a party the tuck rule is in play when leaving, you may take one beer max,
but only if the beer will fit in your pocket.

41. Do not have a conversation at a urinal.

42. A man will not live in his parents house past the age of 27 unless they are ill or he is in the
war.

43. All men have the right to remain silent when asked by a woman "do you like this". and the
right to leave the room.

44. Sex is more important then talking

45. No man under any circumstance shall use lip balm.

46. Grilling regardless of weather is always the first choice for cooking.

47. No man shall ever own a dog smaller then a housecat

48. Men will invite other men to Man Law

49. No man shall ever turn down free beer because "its not their brand."

50. No man shall be shamed if they are passed out with their shoes off in your place. If the
person passes out outside of the house, then they are fair game shoes or not.

51. It is acceptable for a man to publicly situate and/or scratch himself in the region of the
gonads. If at a formal conference, then do so discretely. If at a football party, scratch away, just
no handshakes.

52. The morning after, if a beer has been left on the table, no matter the temperature, it is
acceptable to consume this item with food, such as its counterpart, cold pizza.

53. If you spill a man’s beer, you buy the next round/refill the cup.

54. Nursing a beer is unacceptable. The bottle/can/cup should never reach lukewarm temperature
with beer still in it. If you cant drink it in said time, don’t open it. If you cant drink it in said
time, your man status will be up for review.
55. Always accept beer from a stranger, but only if unopened/capped.
56. It is never a man’s responsibility to empty the trash while drinking. Beer cans may be
staked or crushed while the bottles may be thrown into neighbor’s lawn.

57. A man does not have to like another man to drink his beer. Beer is beer.

58. It is acceptable for a man to break man laws, if no other option is humanly possible, in the
pursuit of the opposite sex. His actions will be given leeway.

59. The bachelor’s party is exclusively male. (except the entertainment).

60. No man may ever sell a beer to a friend. Its understood that said friend will repay beer with
beer later. Under no circumstance may the replacement beer be of a lesser quality.

61. A man purse is still a purse.

62. No man shall dance for fun unless its to increase his chances with a member of the opposite
sex.

63. Body paint is onlly acceptable on a man if its on gameday and to support his team.

64. No man shall bring a woman to the guys night out. this is punishable by verbal abuse for life.

65. If you do not sweat, its not a sport.

66. If a large snake catches a man offguard and bites, said man is allowed to scream once.

67. No man shall wear a beret unless its for his military service.

68. When lifting weights, it is acceptable for a man to wear compression shorts under the regular
shorts. No man shall ever wear compression shorts alone.

69. No man shall ever, under and circumstance, share an umbrella with another man.

70. No two men are allowed to enter a revolving door together. Unless it involves a race were the
winner receives a combination of the following: beer, food, sex.

71. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved
me, you'd know what I want" gets an Xbox. End of story.

72. Keeping beer from other's by hiding it in the fridge is not permissable. Besides, sharing is
caring.

73. Wives and girlfriends may not store items other than beer in the garage fridge. It is for beer
only.
74. A man may publicly rebuke another man only if the first man has the man law and number
memorized. Otherwise the rebuke must be in private. Furthermore, any man who has the man
laws memorized will be deemed a "higher" man.

75. In no situation is it acceptable to sit cross-kneed. You either sit with feet-crossed, no cross, or
stand.

76. Men are allowed to lick the plate when done but only when alone or with other men.

77. A man should be able to determine a diesel engine by sound alone.

78. While smiling, no man shall stick his tongue between his teeth.

79. It should be understood that while, yes, cheerleading is not a sport, and it is perfectly
accepted to watch.

80. If a man is punched, and the hit is rubbed, he is punched again in the same area twice.

81. A man should be able to lucidly explain the rules of one or more of the following sports:
Football (not the European kind), Baseball, or Ice Hockey.

82. The dressing of any pet for any reason is not acceptable...any garment that is not a part of the
animal shall not be allowed to be attached to that animal...exceptions are collars, leashes, etc.
exception to this rule are monkeys.

83. Under no circumstances shall any man drink wine cooler...ever...unless beer or liquor is
completely unattainable. This includes anything (non liquor) fruit flavored that comes in a bottle.

84. Under no circumstances shall a man ever defer control of the television remote to a female.

85. There are three reasons for which a man is allowed to cry.
1. He is hit in the genitals with anything traveling over 10mph.
2. Your date is using her teeth.
3. Anna Kournikova gets married.

86. When watching a "catfight" it is perfectly acceptable to choose sides. It is also perfectly
acceptable to pray for rippage of clothing.

87. When in a public shower, no man will look below the shoulders. Also, no eye-to-eye contact
for more than one second is allowed. If eye contact occurs, nod upwards, and look away.

88. No man under any circumstances should have to explain the use of a power tool to another
man.

89. Never should man give a woman the credit card. No exceptions.
90. No man should talk on a telephone to a girl longer than he will have sex with her.

91. Every man should smoke at least one premium cigar in his life. Not any swisher sweet crap
either. Cohiba, Monicristo, CAO (Cade Mayo).

92. No man shall ever read an instruction manual. If the man does not know how to use the item
trial and error shall be used until the correct function is determined (Eric Gartenberg).

93. No man shall be held accountable for any promise he makes while drunk unless it was a bet.
(Boots Jones)

94. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any
information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

95. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail
within 24 hours.

96. A best man's toast may not include any of the following phrases, "down in Tijuana", "one
time when we were all piss drunk", or "and this girl had the biggest rack you ever saw".

97. You may exaggerate any anecdote told to your friends by 50% without recrimination, beyond
that anyone within earshot is allowed to yell out "bull****!". (exception: when trying to pick up
a girl, the allowable exaggeration is 400%)

98. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another man is 5 minutes. The maximum
is 6 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores
on the classic 1-10 scale.

99. Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your buddy's refrigerator is forbidden. But
gripe at will if the temperature is not suitable.

100. A friend must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill, car, firstborn child - within
12 hr notice. Women or anything considered "lucky" are not applicable in this case.

101. Falling on a grenade for a buddy (agreeing to distract the skanky friend of the hot babe he's
trying to score) is your legal duty. But should you get carried away with your good deed and end
up getting on the beast, your pal is forbidden to ever speak of it.

102. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they
demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a Buffalo wing clean.

103. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. (in fact, even
remembering your best friends birthday is optional)

104. You must offer heartfelt condolences over the death of a girlfriends cat, even if it was you
who secretly set it on fire and threw it into a ceiling fan.

105. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may always ask the score
of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. You should know such things.

106. If your girlfriend asks to set your friend up with her ugly, whiny, loser friend of hers, you
must grant permission, but only if you have ample time to warn your friend to prepare his excuse
about joining the priesthood.

107. When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your buddy in favor of
better athletes- as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the
sideline.

108. Never join your girlfriend in ragging on a buddy of yours... unless she is withholding sex,
pending your response.

109. You can not rat out a friend who show's up to work or class with a massive hangover,
however you may: hide the aspirin, smear his chair with limburger cheese, turn the brightness on
his computer way down so he thinks its broken, or have him paged every seven minutes.

110. The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a friend", go at it, the fact that
you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion
about what a big mistake it was.

111. Man-hugs must involve a meeting of thumbs, into a handshake position, and a chest bump.
Any man who durates a man-hug for more than 3 seconds is subject to review.

112. All men must stand while urinating. The only exceptions to this are if you ill and can't stand
or you have no legs. Anyone that violates this will be demoted to Man Bitch and your gender
will be questioned.
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Man Laws - Latest from the International Council of Man Laws

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following Circumstances: (a) When a heroic dog dies to save
its master. (b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse. (c) After wrecking your boss's
car. (d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry
her.
6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the
temperature is unsuitable.
7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering
your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday
boy's choice.
8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in
progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head
under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.
11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... and
it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.
12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate
knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex
pending your response.
21: Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man While lifting weights: a) Yeah, Ba-by, Push it! b)
C'mon, give me one more! Harder! c) Another set and we can hit the showers!
22: Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: i.e., both urinating, both waiting
In line, etc. For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
23: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex
with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.
24: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal, drunken monkey sex,
the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the
discussion occurs about what a big mistake it was.
25: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
26: Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.
27: The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd
know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
28: There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
29: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. but do you really know the difference between
them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
"GUTS" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom,
and having the guts to say, "are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?"
" BALLS" is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on
your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, "You're next!"

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 Problem Posed Man Law Solution
It was suggested to be various short amounts of time, but
the idea of dating a friend's ex was thought to be wholly
Your best friend is dumped by his
unacceptable by Mr. Reynolds. However, when asked
girlfriend. How long before you can
"What if she's drop-dead gorgeous?", Mr. Reynolds
ask her out?
changed his answer to "six months" and the motion was
summarily accepted.
If you bring Miller Lite to a party and
not all of it is consumed, can you take Tuck Rule: As many beers that fit in one pocket, but only if
the remainder with you as you leave the beer will fit in your pocket.
the party?
This is a curious issue. If hugging a (family) relative that
What does Man Law say about you have not seen in a long time, two hands is appropriate.
hugging other guys? But if hugging anyone else, a hand shake with the other
hand over their shoulder is more than enough.
If a friend gets you a beer from the
bar, is it acceptable for the friend to
stick his finger in the opening to bring No. "You poke it, you own it."
back several beers to the table at
once?
When toasting with beer, should you
The Bottom, because clinking the top would swap saliva
clink with the top or the bottom of the
and thus qualify as kissing.
bottle?
Yes, but a continuance has been issued until a replacement
Is the high five officially played out?
can be found.
Does someone have to root for a team
Yes. You must always choose to root for a team.
when watching football?
Technology gone bad: Anything that makes you look like
a crazy person - not cool. (Mr. Bus completely disagrees.)
Wireless phone headsets: pretty cool
or technology gone bad?
Always tell your buddy what his girlfriend plans to get
him as a gift. This law applies to all situations.
No, fruit is completely off limits in beer. If one were to put
Can you put a lime or any other fruit fruit in a beer, they might as well put a little umbrella in it
in your beer? and call it a "beera colada". Man Law: "Don't Fruit the
Beer."
Is it permissible, in the pursuit of
No, as there are plenty of other things that make us laugh
humor, to tap the top of another man's
without wasting a drop of beer, like Japanese game shows,
beer bottle with the bottom of your
Undercover Brother on DVD, and Jimmy Johnson's hair.
beer bottle, causing the other man's
Man Law: "No wasting beer in the pursuit of humor."
beer bottle to fizz over?
Yes, however, a continuance has been issued on the "D-
Have football fans become too reliant
Fence" sign, while giving a try-out to the "Off-Fence" sign
on the "D-Fence" sign?
this season.
Is it acceptable for a man to leave his No, however, this ruling can be overturned if she is
 deemed attractive enough by said fellow men. Most
notably, Burt Reynolds, in the case of Mr. Murray's
fellow men in order to leave with his
girlfriend, Jewel. (Beforehand, the Men were discussing if
woman?
it is acceptable for a man to drive a hybrid car. A Man
Law was never adopted for this.)
Is it permissible for opponents of a
No. Unless a distraction clause enabling the opponents to
bet to distract one another during the
distract is placed before said event occurs.
betting event?
No. In a rare double man law it was also deemed
Is it acceptable to leave a game before
unacceptable for a man to bake on game day. This is the
it ends to beat traffic?
one Rodney Blu appears in.
Is it acceptable for a man to use a fake
No. Real wood must always be used.
log when real wood is available?
Is it acceptable for a wife or girlfriend
No. The line is the line - It is the only sovereign territory
to store items other than beer in the
left.
garage fridge?
Is crushing beer cans on your No. Cans are not as thick as they once were. Crushing one
forehead still cool? back then was saying something, but now, it's lame.
No matter what, the 21 rule is always in effect. No matter
21 rule
what, no if ands or buts.
No. Under no circumstance shall a man wash his hair in a
Can a man wash his hair in the sink? sink. Hair washing will only take place in the shower, OR,
the barber.
Can a man end a game of pain, by not No. All rules shall be followed or the result will be double
abiding by the rules? the penalty of the game for the man who broke them.
Is telling stories of getting kicked in
No. Hearing a story of that nature brings back painful
the balls reasonable male
memories because every man has his own story.
conversation?
No, if said person is at the table and is trying to make
If while eating hot peppers, is it
others eat hot peppers while being too chicken to try one
acceptable for a person to stay at the
themselves they should be made to eat twice the amount
table and not eat while forcing others
eaten or be shunned from the table and made to sit outside,
to eat the peppers?
no matter the weather conditions.
If it is raining, is it permissible to hold
No. Man law prohibits the holding of a shared umbrella.
the umbrella for another man?
When sitting down for lunch, is it No. When approaching a table, men must sit on opposite
okay for two guys to sit next to each sides of the table, and most of the time opposite angles as
other in at a four-seated table? well.
If a man is using a urinal, you must never use the one right
Urinals?
next to him, it must be every other one
Is it permissible to have a gathering
No, how can you tell fish tales and keep a straight face
with your fishing buddies with no
without beer?
beer?
When down by one, do you go for the
The win. Men go for it.
tie or the win?
Can women do the exploding fist
No, against man law.
bump?
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