Narrative Jokes:

1.) A man walks into a talent agent's office, and says, "We're a family act, and we'd like you to
represent us." 
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too old-fashioned." 
The man says, "But, this is really special." 
The agent says, "Okay, well what's the act?" 

2.) An elephant is walking in the jungle when he steps on a sharp piece of bamboo and gets it jammed in
his foot. He's in misery and he's unable to pull it out, so when a mouse comes along he pleads with the
mouse,  "Please take this bamboo shoot out of my foot!"

The mouse, uncertain of this risky proposition, is hesitant. The elephant, increasingly exasperated, says,
"Please, if you take this out of my foot I'll give you anything you want."

The mouse, suddenly interested, asks, "Anything?"

The elephant, sensing impending relief, answers, "Yes, anything, just please help me."
The mouse removes the bamboo thorn and the elephant breathes a sigh of relief, "Shew! So, what
would you like?"
The mouse replies, "Well, I have been lookin' for a piece of ass lately."
The elephant shrugs and says, "Hop on."

Meanwhile, in a tree observing the spectacle is a monkey laughing his ass off. He grabs a coconut and
throws it as hard as he can. CLONK! It hits the elephant dead in the head.
"Ouch!" shouts the elephant.
The mouse replies, "Yeah bitch, take it all, take it all!"

3.) A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to
check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand. He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a
young woman looking down.
"Is this yours?" he asked.

She said, "Yes, could you bring it up?" and the man agreed. On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and
offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed.

Shortly afterwards she said, "I'm about to have dinner. There's plenty; would you like to join me?"He
readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the
lady said, "I've had a marvelous evening. Would you like to stay the night?"
The man hesitated then said, "Do you act like this with every man you meet?"
"No," she replied, "Only those who catch my eye."

4.) A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job.
The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" 
The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."
Well, the boss liked the kid, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close
and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came
down. "How many salesdid you make today?"

The kid says, "One."

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"

Kid says, "$101,237.64."

Boss says, "$101,237.64? What did you sell him?"

Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a
larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and
he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat
department, and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic
would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hookand you sold him a boat and truck?"

Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Well, since your
weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'"

5.) A police officer is driving down a road in a residential area going about 25 miles per hour and notices
as an oncoming car passes him that the driver is not wearing his seat belt. Since it is click-it or ticket
month the officer decides to turn around and pull the driver over.

After whipping a u-turn and pulling the car over the officer walks up to the driver's side door to see an
older gentleman behind the wheel and says, "Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?"

The gentleman replies, "No sir, I don't."

"Well," the officer says, "it's because I noticed when you drove by me that you were not wearing
your seatbelt."

The old man, who happens to be wearing his seatbelt now, says to the officer, "I think you are
mistaken, I've had my seatbelt on the whole time."

The officer replies, "I don't think we need to get into a debate about this, I know what I saw and I'm
going to give you a tickt for not wearing your seatbelt."

The old man, a bit irritated, then starts ranting about how he pays taxes to pay the officer's salary and that
he was wearing his seatbelt the whole time and this is nothing short of harrassment.

The officer then, trying to calm the situation down says, "Well sir, why don't we ask your wife ," who
was sitting in the passenger seat, "and if she says you've were wearing your seatbelt the whole time,
then I'll let you off with just a warning."

At this time, the old woman says, "Son, I'm sure you are a nice young man, but if there's one think
I've learned in 40 years of marriage to Harold, its to never argue with him when he's been
drinking."
Ok, so I had to add some detail to the joke, but you should be able to make that last a minute.

Your Personal Angel

A story about an angel who has been taking care of you even before
you were born and will always take care no matter how much you
grow old.... you know that angel as Mother, Mamma, Mom...

My mom only had one eye. I hated her… She was such an
embarrassment. She cooked for students and teachers to support the
family.

There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came
to say hello to me. I was so embarrassed.

How could she do this to me? I ignored her, threw her a hateful look
and ran out. The next day at school one of my classmates said, ‘Eeee,
your mom only has one eye!’

I wanted to bury myself. I also wanted my mom to just disappear. I

confronted her that day and said, ‘ If you’re only gonna make me a
laughing stock, why don’t you just die?’

My mom did not respond… I didn’t even stop to think for a second
about what I had said, because I was full of anger. I was oblivious to
her feelings.

I wanted out of that house, and have nothing to do with her. So I

studied real hard, got a chance to go abroad to study.

Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own. I had kids of my own.

I was happy with my life, my kids and the comforts. Then one day, my
Mother came to visit me. She hadn’t seen me in years and she didn’t
even meet her grandchildren.

When she stood by the door, my children laughed at her, and I yelled at
her for coming over uninvited. I screamed at her, ‘How dare you come
to my house and scare my children!’ Get Out Of Here! Now!’
And to this, my mother quietly answered, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry. I may have
gotten the wrong address,’ and she disappeared out of sight.

One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to my house. So I

lied to my wife that I was going on a business trip. After the reunion, I
went to the old shack just out of curiosity.

My neighbors said that she died. I did not shed a single tear. They
handed me a letter that she had wanted me to have.

My dearest son,

I think of you all the time. I’m sorry that I came to your house and
scared your children.

I was so glad when I heard you were coming for the reunion. But I may
not be able to even get out of bed to see you. I’m sorry that I was a
constant embarrassment to you when you were growing up.

You see... when you were very little, you got into an accident, and lost
your eye. As a mother, I couldn’t stand watching you having to grow up
with one eye. So I gave you mine.

I was so proud of my son who was seeing a whole new world for me, in
my place, with that eye.

With all my love to you,

Your mother