Late Bloomer

Mine is a curious story. I did not start training in sports until I was 29 years old. After a year I
competed Muay Thai, continued fighting for 3 more years before I moved to Baguio to follow my
dream and train with Team Lakay. After 2 years, I moved back to Manila and became a professional
boxer. But that story, how I went from one sport to another, is for a different blog post. I don’t feel
like I aged as an athlete and now past my peak. Quite the contrary, I feel like I am just peaking. Which
is not really a common story, but well, that is what Baby Dynamite is all about, showing the world that
you can write your own story. You don’t have to follow someone else’s nor believe your own
preconceived beliefs about yourself. And if you make mistakes along the way, well you own them, and
learn from them. And believe me, I’ve made a hell lot of mistakes. But I don’t really regret them,
somehow they are part of this interesting story I’m writing. You are given the agency to write your
own story according to your own terms, and you shouldn’t ever let anyone take that away from you.

Do I feel old? Nah. That a good thing?, well not sure. When people tell me I look young, I always say I
hope my insides and my egg cells stay young too. I work on my outside the same way I do with the
inside. I do that multi-step Korean skincare routine, including the magical snail serum (I know, eww,
but it makes your skin baby butt soft), vitamin C, and sunblock. I do that double cleansing thing
wherein you use and oil cleanser and a facial wash. I try to do a face massage everyday too, and use a
jade roller that does not really have any scientifically proven benefits. Well at least I try right. My
biggest fear as I age? Jowls.

I don’t have the healthiest diet but most days I do eat clean. I am a sweet tooth as many people know,
but during my fight camp, I eliminate sugar and alcohol from my diet. I eat mostly a plant-based diet
but I eat meat from time to time. Do I take supplements? No. I know, crazy right? I take protein
powder during fight camp but most days, I take only what’s inside the fridge and my pantry.

At my age, I honestly feel like I can do so much more. I wanna skate and do some tricks, I want to be
Beyonce’s back up dancer, I still want to learn more BJJ, luta livre and wrestling, and I want to have
the physique of an NBA dancer. Even when I don’t have a scheduled fight I still train 6 times a week.
Also, I finally want to learn how to swim and drive (although having been reconnected with my former
driver, I’m still reconsidering the latter)

Do I feel that age has slowed me down? Well, to be honest, most of my life I had been an academic
and artistic person. I started in sports a bit later than my peers but I had always been hardworking
and driven. My most distinguishing characteristic that has brought me as far as where I am now is my
stubbornness. When asked to list down my best qualities in a school meeting, my dad wrote “She gets
anything she wants as long as she sets her mind to it.” So the answer is no. I feel that my age, and my
sense of urgency is giving me the drive and momentum keep me going.

Now, believe it or not, I feel stronger than ever. Maybe because my mind is stronger? And because I
give less excuses. I’ve never been prone to injuries and have natural strength without having to do so
much weight training (Thank you dad, for my Igorot blood.) Also, I do not have any issues losing
weight as long as I don’t finish an entire pack of Oreo, half gallon of ice cream or eat or a huge pack of
caramel popcorn. If you ask me if aging has affected my training or my fighting- hardly. My cardio is
oftentimes decent as long as I do my road run and sprints. If there’s one thing I’m grateful for, even at
my ripe age of 37, is I think I can still pretty much will my body to do anything I want to with minimal
struggle.

So what do I wish for? I pretty much wish my plans for Baby Dynamite comes to fruition this year.
Why do I do this? Cause I want all girls to believe that they can do anything they want, and actually
set out to do them. They may fail but at least they tried. Cheesy right? But you have no idea how
happy I am each time someone messages me that they began whatever- a sport, a hobby, or a feat
they thought they couldn’t do, all because they followed my journey as a fighter and as a musician
and it made them believe that they can do it too. Or when some fans send me messages that
watching me fight and perform at the same time, or seeing my story and journey, my failures and my
wins, inspire them to try and live the lives they want for themselves. That gives my life meaning, and
a purpose. And isn’t that what most of life is about? To find the reason we are out here in the first
place.

Do I regret losing 3 times in my entire martial arts career? No. But I do regret bailing out on some
violin auditions, or lying in bed for weeks and missing some important Call for Paper or Grant
application deadlines. I sincerely hope I do not forget why I started this in the first place. Well I don’t
really consider this a wish because it’s something I’m really set on doing, with all the stubbornness
and grit my body can muster. On my 37th birthday I’m here in Sagada, to spend my birthday with my
family- my cousin Gawani and family, surrounded by mountains and basting under the warm Sagada
sun. I will enjoy pancit, a really luscious chocolate birthday cake and a couple of San Mig Lights with
my family, discuss dreams with my cousin, and play with my nephews.

This birthday is really special to me because a week before I set out to confront and process some
demons in my past and skeletons in my closet. Too much idioms, but really, I got a lot of those. I also
tried to do this whole self- acceptance thing that’s being bandied about a lot these days. It may seem
overrated, but it’s actually difficult to do, especially for me. Most of my adult life I lived with dread
whenever I did anything other than, work, study, read, practice, or train. And that was actually half of
the time. I wasn’t all straight-laced, being naturally attracted to risk and danger. So imagine the self-
loathing and dread I felt when I had a little too much to drink, partied, dated, made a bad decision or
just simply enjoyed life. But now I can say in the recent years, I have unabashedly accepted myself- all
the good and the “bad”, and I get to just enjoy and live life and be unapologetic about it.

My pre-birthday week I did a lot of emotional sorting and decluttering- now I can say whoever it is
meant to be in my life to stay, will have me whole, undivided and without baggage; but well that’s just
a bonus, because I really did all these for myself.