Exercising Great Patience

with Our Wives Stories of the

Prophets and the Salaf
Exercising
great patience with Our Wives

Stories
of the Prophets and the Salaf

‫بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم‬

How would you respond to a wife who every time you came home
had something negative to say or every time you got into an
argument with her you found her to be foul mouth and
insulting, For many, the answer would be, “ I’d divorce that
bint.”, Then if we go with that answer then the divorce rate
would skyrocket. In this brief article, I want to mention some
stories of our Salaf to learn some lessons in regards to
dealing with sharp lounged spouses.

Allah said: and you should not treat them with harshness (An-
Nisa:19)

Allah said: And live with them

honorably. (An-Nisa:19)

Allah said: If you dislike them, it

may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a
great deal of
good. (An-Nisa:19)

In these verses Allah orders us to treat

our wives kindly and to live with them in righteousness; and
when we see
something we dislike in them then know that it’s possible that
Allah will
facilitate an abundance of good from their companionship.

Messenger of Allah (‫ )ﷺ‬said, “A believer must not hate (his

wife) believing
woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics he will be
pleased with
another“.[1]

Often times the man who finds bad

character with his wife in some areas will complain to his
parents about her,
who would simply say divorce her or get rid of her.
Ironically, to that
response some would believe that is considered obedience to
their parents;
however it isn’t.

Hasan Al-Basri was asked about man whose mother tells him to
divorce his wife. He replied: “Divorcing your wife as she
requested isn’t being dutiful to your mother.[2]
Imam Ahmed was asked what to do from a man whose father
ordered him to divorce his wife. Imam Ahmed said: “Don’t
divorce her.” The man then said, but didn’t Umar order his son
Abdullah to divorce his wife?” Imam Ahmed said, “Oh your
father is like Umar ibn Al-Khattab ?!”[3]

There are lessons in how to deal with wives who have sharp
tongues and are ill-mannered and in many cases divorcing them
isn’t the first option or even the last.
 For example Allah said: Allah sets forth an example for those
who disbelieve, the wife of
Nuh (Noah) and the wife of Lout (Lot). They were under two of
our righteous
slaves, but they both betrayed their (husbands by rejecting
their doctrine) so
they [Nuh (Noah) and Lout (Lot)] benefited them (their
respective wives) not,
against Allah, and it was said: “Enter the Fire along with
those who
enter!”[4]

These men were Prophet’s with the best of character

among their people chosen by Allah to deliver a Message, yet
their wives
betrayed them. Nuh’s wife betrayed him by telling people that
he was crazy and
Lut’s wife betrayed him by letting people know where the guest
were staying in
town.[5]

Allah said: “And we bestowed upon Him

Zakiriyah and cured his wife.”

Some of the scholars of Tafsir have mentioned that the cure

for Prophet Zakiriyah’s wife was in her tongue and in her
character. Atta’ ibn Rabah and Muhammad ibn Ka’b said that she
had a vicious tongue which she used to insult him with and bad
character, thus Allah rectified her situation.[6]

Although some scholars say that the cure Allah gave to

Zakiriyah’s was the ability to have children after she was
barren, so Imam Ash-Shawkani said this doesn’t remove the
point that Allah cured her of having bad character and a loose
tongue. i.e Allah rectified her being, blessed her to have
children after she couldn’t and aided her to have good
character after bad character.[7]

Think about Prophet (‫ )ﷺ‬advise to Laqit (radi

Allahu anhu)

I (the narrator Laqit) then said: Messenger of

Allah, I have a wife who has something (wrong) in her tongue,
i.e. she is disrespectful.
He said: Then divorce her. I said: Messenger of Allah, she has
companioned me
for a while and I have children with her. He said: Then ask
her (to obey you).
If there is something good in her, she will do so (obey); and
do not beat your
wife as you beat your slave-girl.[8]

In this hadith a companion complained about his wife’s bad

character, then he realized the good in their relationship, by
the fact they had children together, hence Muhammad’s(‫)ﷺ‬
advise for him was to ask her to obey him, and avoid beating
her if she didn’t obey him, as one would beat a slave who
doesn’t obey him.

Al-Imam Abu Bakr ibn Al-Labaad Al-Maliky

(333H)

Imam Abu Bakr was married to a woman who had a loose tongue
and she used to attack him with it. It was even said that one
day she called him an adulterer, so his companions advised him
to ask her who did you sleep with? When he asked her, she said
the maid. They then told him to go back to her and say which
maid? After that, she said, “Yours.” As a result of that, his
companions said divorce her and we will supply her the rights
she’s entitled to.

Imam Abu Bakr said,” I am afraid that if I divorce

she will be a trial for another Muslim, and perhaps Allah will
repel from me a
great evil based on her accusation. I proposed to a lot of
ladies, but Allah
decreed her as my wife, so how could divorcing her be a way to
recompense the
favor Allah gave me. Every man has a test in this life and my
wife is my trial.[9]

Ibn Abi Zayd al-Qayrawani (386H)[10]

Ibn Abi Zayd al-Qayrawani had a wife who used to

treat him bad . She would fall short in giving him his rights
and would abuse
him with her tongue. The people use to say to him you’re
patient with her! He
replied Allah has blessed me with good health and knowledge
and blessings with
all my possessions. Perhaps she was sent to me a punishment
for my sins, so
therefore I’m afraid that if I divorce her Allah might send
down another trial
for me more difficult than her.

Imam Ibn Abi Zayd was patient with the harms that
came from his wife through reflecting over his own
shortcomings. This is something
the Salaf were known for. They rarely blamed others for the
trials they faced,
but instead they would look at themselves as an evaluation.
Allah said: . And
whatever of misfortune befalls you, it is because of what your
hands have
earned.[11]

Imam Ibn Qudama [620H]

He used to have a slave girl who used to abuse him

with her tongue and bad character, so he never said anything
to her. i.e he
never got angry at her or replied her words or remarks.[12]

These few stories mentioned show that marriage life isn’t

always sweet and sometimes with the roses, you have to take
the thorns. Anyone wishing to get married should ask certain
questions about temper issues if they aren’t able to cope with
someone who has a short temper. Moreover, that person should
learn patience and ask themselves are they able to be patient
with certain situations. Furthermore, we need to realize that
divorce, or even threatening a woman with divorce isn’t always
the right answer.

Imam Ash-Shafa’I said : “I spent forty years asking

married couples about their relationships
and none of them said it was easy.” [13]

Translated and prepared by

Abu Aaliyah Abdullah ibn Dwight Battle

Quarantined by COVID-19 ,Doha, Qatar 1441H©

[1]

[2]
Bir wal Silah page 134

[3]
Tabaqat Al-Hanabala 1/456

[4]
At-Tahreem: 10

[5]
Refer to Al-Hakim in Mustadark 3833 graded as being Sahih by
Al-Hakim and
Ath-Thahabi

[6]
Refer to Tafsir ibn Abee Hatim surahtul Anbiya

[7]
Fathul Qadir Imam Ash-Shawkani, vol 5/pg 79
[8]
Sunnan Abu Dawud 142 graded as being Sahih by al-Albani

[9]
Tarteeb Al-Madark vol1/pg 359

[10]
Ahkamul Quran by Ibn Al-Arabi Vol 1/468

[11]
Ash-Shurah: 30

[12]
Tarikh Al-Islam by Ath-Thahabi pg 490 in the volume that has
the dates 611-620H

[13]
Manaqib Ash-Shafa’I by Al-Bayhaqi 2/191