Schitt’s Creek Season 3 Episode 4 Senior Seminar Scene

(Alexis and David in a car, Alexis in the Driver’s Seat)

Alexis
Okay I don't know why you didn't ask me first, David. I have my license in seven
different countries, And I have my "F" Class.

David
Isn't that for transport trucks?!

Alexis
Yes, well, I had a lot of people to move! Anyway, it's not a big deal. You just get in, you
do what they tell you, and then you get out. And wear your best hair perfume.

David
Okay, I don't have hair perfume, and not all of us can flirt our way into getting a driver's
license!

Alexis
Okay, you try parallel parking in a burka, David. No amount of flirting can get you out of
that, trust me!

David
I'm gonna need you to step out of the car for 20 minutes, so that I can do my
transcendental meditation before I fail this test.

Alexis
Okay, you are acting all sorts of crazy right now. This honestly does not matter. Nobody
cares.

David
Uh, people care. I care, the driving examiner person cares.

Alexis
No, he doesn’t. Trust me, people aren't thinking about you the way that you're thinking
about you.

David
What does that mean?
Schitt’s Creek Season 3 Episode 4 Senior Seminar Scene

Alexis
You always over think everything, and that's why you fail all the time.

David
Thank you, Alexis.

Alexis
Well, it's true!

David
Okay, just because everything falls in your lap, doesn't mean it falls in everyone else's.

Alexis
What does?! What? What falls in my lap?

David
Stuff! Things. Opportunities.

Alexis
Things don't fall in my lap!

David
Okay, I'm just saying, that you've always just gotten stuff, without realizing that other
people don't skate through life the same way you do.

Alexis
I don't skate through life David, I walk through life. In really nice shoes. And I'm sorry if
that rubs you the wrong way, but maybe if you could just relax for a second, and stop
worrying about everything, everything would be easier for you!

David
And what I'm saying is that things haven't been as easy for me as they've been for you!

Alexis
Um, yes, they have!

David
No, they haven't! And now I'm even more stressed out than when I got in the stupid car!
Schitt’s Creek Season 3 Episode 4 Senior Seminar Scene

Alexis
You never trust me!

David
Yes, I do.

Alexis
No, you don't!

David
Yes, I do.

Alexis
No, and you never take my advice. And I'm always the last person you turn to.

David
What do you want me to say?

Alexis
Well like, what makes me different than Stevie or Mom? You trust them with stuff.

David
Okay, you wanna talk trust?! Stevie and Mom weren't running around the world for a
decade and a half with random men, leaving me at home to wonder whether they were
okay!

Alexis
Well, I'm sorry for having fun, David. With a selection of very confident international
men. But I was always okay.

David
Were you?! Because I was the one at the consulate sending you temporary passports, and
colored contacts lenses whenever you needed them. I was the one at home, not having
fun because I was constantly worried which East Asian palace Alexis was being held
hostage in this week. Not Mom and Dad. Me!
Schitt’s Creek Season 3 Episode 4 Senior Seminar Scene

Alexis
Well, you didn't have to worry about me.

David
Well, I did.