FAQ: What is “slut-shaming”?

Short answer: Slut-shaming, also known as slut-bashing, is the idea of shaming and/or attacking
a woman or a girl for being sexual, having one or more sexual partners, acknowledging sexual
feelings, and/or acting on sexual feelings. Furthermore, it’s “about the implication that if a
woman has sex that traditional society disapproves of, she should feel guilty and inferior” (Alon
Levy, Slut Shaming). It is damaging not only to the girls and women targeted, but to women in
general an society as a whole. It should be noted that slut-shaming can occur even if the term
“slut” itself is not used.

What constitutes “slut-shaming”

Quick jump: What is “Slut-shaming” | The Sexual Double Standard | Male

Sluts | Why Women Shame | Effects of Shaming

Put in the most simple terms, slut-shaming happens when a person “publicly or privately
[insults] a woman because she expressed her sexuality in a way that does not conform with
patriarchal expectations for women” (Kat, Slut-Shaming vs. Rape Jokes). It is enabled by the
idea that a woman who carries the stigma of being a slut — ie. an “out-of-control, trampy
female” — is “not worth knowing or caring about” (Tanenbaum, p. 240).

If all negative connotations are removed from the word, a “slut” is simply a person, most often a
woman, who has had sex with multiple partners. In societies where the only acceptable
expression of female sexuality is within a marriage (usually for the purpose of having children),
engaging in sex with more than one partner is enough to justify the label of “slut” and the slut-
shaming that comes with it. In societies such as the United States where it is not uncommon for
people to have several relationships throughout their lives, for the most part it is no longer
considered a requirement for a woman to wait until marriage before engaging in sex. However,
this shift in sexual mores has simply shifted the goal posts for “proper” female sexuality from
marriage to “the attitude of the girl, her emotional feeling for the boy she’s with and her feelings
about sex as an expression of love” (Taunenbaum, p. 67).

Policing women via what’s considered “normal” and “acceptable” boundaries for female
sexuality is not limited to sex and sexual activity. For instance, women who wear “provocative
clothing” (or just photographed while having breasts) are subjected to slut-shaming. As are
women who are sexually aggressive and/or unabashedly lay claim to their own sexuality.
As illustrated above, any woman who has had sex can be a victim of slut-shaming. A virgin can
be a victim of slut-shaming. Indeed, as long as gendered slurs like “slut” continue to be
weapons casually wielded against girls and women by both people from all walks of
life, any female who acts in a way that another person doesn’t like is at risk for being slut-
shamed.

The sexual double standard

Quick jump: What is “Slut-shaming” | The Sexual Double Standard | Male

Sluts | Why Women Shame | Effects of Shaming

When it comes to how and to whom sexual slurs are applied, there has been and continues to
be a clear sexual double standard — meaning “that there is one set of sexual rules for men and
boys, and another, unequal one for women and girls” (Tanenbaum, p. xvii). In terms of slut-
shaming, the “transitional double standard” (a term coined by sociologist Ira Reiss) applies:
“men are allowed to engage in coitus for any reason–women only if in love or engaged”
(Tanenbaum, p. 58).

Linguistically, the slut-shaming double standard can be seen in a variety of ways. One telling
way is the frequency of sexual slurs aimed at women versus those aimed at men:

In a study of North American English, Stanley (1977, cited by Graddol & Swann, 1989, p. 110)
identified 220 words for a sexually promiscuous woman but only 20 for a sexually promiscuous
man.

[Sandra McKay and Nancy H. Hornberger (Cambridge University Press, 1995.):Sociolingüistics

and language teaching, p. 226]

Although the exact number of words for women versus men have undoubtedly changed since
the above study, the ratio most likely remains about the same. In addition, the imbalance comes
not only from frequency, but also content:

[Terms for women who “sleep around” include] fast woman, hussy, doll, inamorata, siren, gypsy,
minx, vamp, wench, trollop, coquette, bint, crumpet, floozy, scrubber, slag, groupie, nympho,
and slut.
[...]
The comparatively small field devoted to male promiscuity reinforces the notion of the double
standard alluded to previously. The tenor of the terms is also entirely different: Casanova,
Romeo, Lothario, and Don Juan derive status from their literary and historical pedigrees,
while ladies’ man, lady-killer, gigolo, stud, and sugar daddy obviously do not have the same
condemnatory overtones as most of the female terms. They embody machismo notions of
power and conquest. The sole exception is roué. The invocation of great lovers of the past, real
and fictional, serves to provide role models suggesting respectability.
[Online 1911 Encyclopedia Britannica: Entry on Promiscuity]

It is also worth noting that the above article contains the only positive reference to a sexually
active woman I could find while researching this piece: sex-kitten.

On “Male Sluts”

Quick jump: What is “Slut-shaming” | The Sexual Double Standard | Male Sluts

| Why Women Shame | Effects of Shaming

There is undeniably a growing trend, which in which men and boys may also be labeled “sluts”
which is often cited as proof that the term “slut” is not gendered, and therefore not sexist.
However, when examined within the framework of cultural context and the sexual double
standard, it is clear that the usage of the term when applied to men is different than than when
it’s applied to women.

First and foremost, the term “slut” was originally term that applied exclusively to womenand only
later was the definition encompassed to allow for the inclusion of men. Because of that, “slut”
without any qualifiers or context implies a woman or girl. Indeed, in order to specify that it is
a man (not a woman) who is being referenced, “male” will often be appended for clarity.
Also worthy of note are the differing definitions of a “slut” (note: the vast majority of the
definitions on Urban Dictionary specify female) versus a “male slut”, which according toUrban
Dictionary, “is one who prowls a regular bar route to lure coyote-ugly women home for selfish
reasons.”

However, even in instances where the person in question takes care to use “slut” in a gender
neutral way and apply it evenly across genders, the cultural and social weight behind the word
means that its impact is not, and cannot, be equivalent:
The problem is that when we use the word “slut” to describe men, even if we’re using it as a
term meaning they’re not appropriately careful with who they do the deed with, we’re still not
using it consistently with how the word is used in regards to women.
When we “reclaim”1 the word slut to use it against men, it tends to get used to criticise a habit.
But when we use the word slut to describe a woman, it’s almost always understood as a
dismissal of what she’s saying, what she’s doing, or even of her worth to the speaker as a
person. There is no such undertone for men- if men have “bad” sexual habits, that’s mostly
viewed as some private failing. (Unless you’re a politician and you get caught at it)

[Ari (Still Truckin'): Why “Slut” is still sexist.]

For reasons such as those given above, the application of “slut” to men does not negate the
sexual double standard, nor does it take away the ability of the term to slut-shame, and
therefore harm, women.

Why women slut-shame

Quick jump: What is “Slut-shaming” | The Sexual Double Standard | Male Sluts |

Why Women Shame | Effects of Shaming

As with many sexist phenomenon, women aren’t just the targets of slut-shaming, they are often
the perpetrators as well. Not to mention that many times women will slut-shame in one moment
and go on to revel in their “sluttiness” in the next. This, especially when compared to male
behavior regarding sexuality, can be seen as confusing and contradictory:

So is that what women slut-shaming other women is about? Do they worry they themselves
might be labeled sluts? Do they want to appear less slutty? I don’t know. That may be part of it,
but I don’t think it’s quite the same. After all, rarely do het men parade around in “gay” outfits
and say “Look how gay I look” to other het men unless they want to get beat up. And yet a
woman could wear what she considers herself to be a “slutty” outfit and say “Look how slutty I
look” to her fellow non-slutty friends and get a couple of laughs and that’s it.

[ubuntucat (Ubuntucat): Why do women slut-shame?.]

The first thing to realize when talking about women slut-shaming each other is that infighting
among oppressed groups is a necessary part for keeping those groups oppressed; ergo women
are encouraged, through internalized sexism, to distrust each other and fight for male approval.
In other words:
Slut-shaming is one of the chief ways that women attempt to compete with each other for male
approval in a patriarchy that defines women’s worth by their physical attractiveness and limits
their ability to distinguish themselves by other means.

[Nine Deuce (Rage Against the Man-chine): Sluts!.]

It is also important to keep in mind that, in a patriarchal society, “male approval” translates into a
form of power (albeit a limited one). Even in societies where women have access to other ways
in which to attain power, girls are still encouraged from a young age to seek out and maintain
male approval as a way to secure their own power in the world.

Tanenbaum looks at this phenomenon as it relates to slut-shaming:

Slut-bashing is a cheap and easy way to feel powerful. If you feel insecure or ashamed about
your own sexual desires, all you have to do is call a girl a “slut” and suddenly you’re the one
who is “good” and on top of the social pecking order.

[Leora Tanenbaum (Harper Paperbacks, 2000.): Slut! Growing Up Female with a Bad

Reputation, p. 238.]

So, if slut-shaming other women is so rewarding, why would a woman want to be “slutty” and/or
call someone else “slutty” as a compliment? While the phenomenon are ostensibly in direct
conflict with each other, the reasons behind reveling in one’s sluttiness are the same as the
reasons for slut-shaming other women: garnering male approval and raising yourself up in the
hierarchy. When a culture simultaneously glorifies both “modesty” and “raunch” — hailing both
as a way to be a “proper” woman — the women who live in said culture are going to internalize
the contradictory messages. So it should come as no surprise that many women both attack the
“slut” while trying to be one.

The effects of slut-shaming and what we can do about it

Quick jump: What is “Slut-shaming” | The Sexual Double Standard | Male

Sluts | Why Women Shame | Effects of Shaming

Calling someone a slut may seem harmless. Slut-shaming may also seem to be useful as a kind
of cautionary tale — helping “good” girls from making sexual “mistakes”, or even being sexually
assaulted and/or raped, by making an example out of the “bad” girls. But, in fact, the very
opposite is true:
A reputation acquired in adolescence can damage a young woman’s self-perception for years.
She may become a target for other forms of harassment and even rape, since her peers see her
as “easy” and therefore not entitled to say “no”. She may become sexually active with a large
number of partners (even if she had not been sexually active before her reputation). Or she may
shut down her sexual side completely, wearing baggy clothes and being unable to allow a
boyfriend to even kiss her.

[Leora Tanenbaum (Harper Paperbacks, 2000.): Slut! Growing Up Female with a Bad

Reputation, p. 229.]

The consequences of slut-shaming go beyond the personal, shaping societal discourses on

rape, abuse, and harassment:

How many times has rape been discounted because a woman was deemed a slut? How many
times are women called whores while their partners beat them? How often are women’s sexual
histories used against them in workplace harassment cases? The sexual double standard is a
lot more dangerous than we’d like to think.

[Jessica Valenti: He's a Stud, She's a Slut: The Sexual Double Standard]

A brief Google search on the above questions turned up: Alleged Victim Slut-Shamed, Rape
Case Thrown Out, False Rape Accusations and Rape Culture, Georgia rape case dismissed
because of victim’s sexual history?, 13-Year-Old Girl Commits Suicide After Classmates Spread
Nude Photos, and Fighting back: workplace sexual harassment and the case of North Country *.

And, finally, here are some suggestions to help stop and prevent slut-shaming:

Boys will treat girls with respect… when we have one standard for both sexes–that is, when we
have sexual equality.

[Leora Tanenbaum (Harper Paperbacks, 2000.): Slut! Growing Up Female with a Bad

Reputation, p. 234.]

Parents should be open about sexuality with their kids–and that means being open about
female sexuality as well as male sexuality. They should teach their daughters and sons that girls
as well as boys have sexual feelings, and that sexual feelings are entirely normal. That way they
won’t have to pin their sexual anxieties on a scapegoat and then distance themselves from her.
Teachers must recognize that slut-bashing is a serious problem. Too often, they dismiss it as
part of the normal fabric of adolescent life. But slut-bashing is a form of sexual harassment, and
it is illegal under Title IX, which entitles students to a harassment-free education. If a teacher
witnesses slut-bashing, she must make sure that it stops. [...] [Teachers and school
administrators] must create and publicize awareness through sexual harassment policies for
their schools.

Schools and youth programs have an obligation to talk to kids about the harm in sexual labeling.
[...]

But the most important thing that all of us need to work on is this: to stop calling or thinking of
women as “sluts.” Face it: At one time or another, many of us have called a woman a “slut.” We
see a woman who’s getting away with something we wish we could get away with. What do we
call her? A “slut.”

We see a woman who dresses provocatively, and maybe we wish we had the guts to dress that
way ourselves. What do we call her? A “slut.” [...]

Most of us recognize that this stigma is unjust and unwarranted. Yet we have used the “slut”
insult anyway: Our social conditioning runs too deep. We must will ourselves to be aware of the
sexual double standard and of how we lapse into slut-bashing on an everyday level. If we
become aware of our behavior, then we will have the power to stop.

[Leora Tanenbaum (Harper Paperbacks, 2000.): Slut! Growing Up Female with a Bad

Reputation, pp. 238-240.]

First and foremost, stop calling other women sluts! It doesn’t behoove us to bash each other,
gals. And speak out when you hear men do the same. I’ll never forget in college overhearing a
conversation that my boyfriend’s roommates were having. They both had slept with the same
girl over the course of the year — they called her a whore and made a joke about her vagina
being “loose.” I asked them why she was the bad person in this scenario — after all, they had
had casual sex with her, too. They couldn’t provide an answer, but that didn’t stop them from
continuing to laugh. I always regretted not saying anything more. Outside of calling ourselves
and others out on perpetuating the double standard, it’s a hard battle. But I think if we recognize
the hypocrisy of the slut/stud nonsense when we see it — whether it’s an anti-choice law or a
movie that makes women who have sex look like deviants — we’re on the right road.
 [Jessica Valenti: He's a Stud, She's a Slut: The Sexual Double Standard]

Related Reading:

 What is “rape culture”?

Introductory:

 Leora Tanenbaum (Harper Paperbacks, 2000.): Slut! Growing Up Female with a Bad

Reputation.
 Emily White (Berkley Trade, 2003): Fast Girls: Teenage Tribes And The Myth Of The
Slut.
 Jessica Valenti (Seal Press, 2008): He’s a Stud, She’s a Slut, and 49 Other Double
Standards Every Woman Should Know.
 tekanji (Iris Gaming Network’s Forums): [Rule Clarification] On victim blaming and slut-
shaming
 Joseph C. Sommer (Humanism By Joe): “Slut-Bashing” Is Sexual Harassment

Clarifying Concepts:

 On the term “Slut” and its effect on girls:

Slut-bashing– as I call it–is one issue that affects every single female who grows up in this
country because any preteen or teenage girl can become a target. “Slut” is a pervasive
insult applied to a broad spectrum of American adolescent girls, from the girl who brags
about her one-night stands to the girl who has never even kissed a boy to the girl who has
been raped. Some girls are made fun of because they appear to have a casual attitude
about sex (even if, in reality, they are no more sexual than their peers). Many others are
picked on because they stand out in some way–being an early developer, new in school,
an ethnic or class minority, overweight, or just considered “weird” for whatever reason.
Some are called “sluts” because other girls dislike over envy them, and spread a sexual
rumor as a form of revenge. While a girl can almost instantly acquire a “slut” reputation as
a result of one well-placed rumor, it takes months, if not years, for the reputation to
evaporate–if it does at all.

[Leora Tanenbaum (Harper Paperbacks, 2000.): Slut! Growing Up Female with a Bad

Reputation, p. xv.]
 More on slut-shaming and the sexual double standard:

Slut-bashing shows us that sexism is still alive and that as boys and girls grow up,
different sexual expectations and identities are applied to them. Slut-bashing is evidence
of a sexual double standard that should have been eliminated decades ago… Slut-
bashing sends the message to all girls, no matter how “pure” their reputations, that men
and boys are free to express themselves sexually, but women and girls are not.

[Leora Tanenbaum (Harper Paperbacks, 2000.): Slut! Growing Up Female with a Bad

Reputation, p. xix.]

 On some of the damages slut-shaming causes:

Slut-bashing is uniquely damaging–and not only to teenage girls but to all women. Fearful
of being considered a “slut,” many girls and women don’t carry or use contraception,
leading to unplanned and unwanted pregnancies and life-threatening diseases. Worried
about seeming sexually aggressive, many girls and women remain silent in ambivalence
rather than say yes or no, which leads to murky sexual scenarios that are neither
completely consensual nor completely coerced but somewhere in between. The cultural
assumptions behind slut-bashing implicate us all: Knowing that being sexually
promiscuous stigmatizes a girl, many of us assume that a girl who reports that she was
raped is lying in order to cover up a regretted sexual encounter.

[Leora Tanenbaum (Harper Paperbacks, 2000.): Slut! Growing Up Female with a Bad

Reputation, p. xix.]

 A sociolinguistic approach to slut-shaming:

Schulz (1990), reviewing the history of the many terms used to refer to women, argues
that the “analysis of the language used by men to discuss and describe women reveals
something about male attributes, fears, and prejudices concerning the female sex” (p.
135). Words which began with either neutral or positive connotations over time acquired
negative implications and finally ended up as “sexual slurs” (p. 135)… Although Schulz’s
study found no similar derogatory meanings of terms used to refer to men, Risch’s (1987,
cited by Graddol & Swann, 1989) study of North American college students found a wide
variety of “dirty” words to refer to men, including bitch, whore, and slug, which have
 traditionally been used to refer to women. It may, however, be misleading to look at slurs
against men which work in the same way as those against women.
[Sandra McKay and Nancy H. Hornberger (Cambridge University Press,
1995.): Sociolingüistics and language teaching, pp. 226-227]
 Intersections – slut-shaming, clothing choices, and fat activism:

And this is also why, when someone tells me that my clothes are “too tight” and that “you
don’t have to wear tight clothes to be sexy,” I feel rage. I wonder if they know how hard I
had to work just to feel like I was evenallowed to wear those clothes, much less feel
confident and beautiful in them. I wonder if they’ve ever been slut bashed, and wonder if
they’re policing my fashion because they’ve been slut bashed. But I especially don’t
understand it when those criticisms come from other supposedly fat-positive people,
because in my world, letting the outline of your belly show in a dress, or wearing
something sleeveless that doesn’t hide your arm fat isn’t just ok, it’s appreciated. Tight
clothes on fat bodies are inherently political, and I would even say moreso when those
tight clothes look damn good and are worn with pride.
I don’t need everyone to like the clothes that I wear, but I am also attuned to the
undercurrent of slut shaming that is so often levied against people who wear revealing
clothes. I would ask those people who feel discomfort and/or disgust to think about what it
is that’s behind those feelings.