Appendix

Journal #1

I’ve thought a good amount of time on what I could do for my personal change project. It’s not
that I couldn’t think of anything and that I am perfect but instead it was just the opposite. There
are just so many aspects of my life where I could definitely see improvement.
Impersonal Communication
I think overall the biggest thing I would want to work on for this project is something that affects
literally every interaction I have with people. This is through my text messaging or messaging in
general on my phone. My biggest weakness is not replying back to a message after receiving due
to several reasons such as I was genuinely busy, not sure what to say, or just giving it time to
reply because I get thoughts of it being weird to message back immediately. Maybe some
reasons I can’t help but there are others where I can improve on without a doubt. I’ve been able
to compare this sort of thinking I have to page 3 of our textbook where it compares interpersonal
communication and impersonal communication. It states that impersonal communication occurs
when you treat people like objects and do not treat them like a unique person. I see myself do
this because I see my phone as an object and not as someone trying to reach out to me so my
mind gets that idea rather than talking to an actual human being. Those are just some of my
thoughts going into this big assignment.
Conclusion
This is the area where I want to see the most improvement. Once this part of my interpersonal
communication improves, I believe my relationships with people will strengthen ten fold. Those
people will see that I take their relationship more seriously so I am really going to apply myself
to this. I’m sure that both myself and those who I interact with want this greatly so I am excited
to work on this.

Journal #2

I took in a lot of interesting information from chapter one of our textbook. Things I’ve always
known but never actually put into words or an official definition. The biggest thing I took away
from this chapter were the elements of the communication process, specifically noise.
Noise
The term Noise in interpersonal communication means anything literal or psychological that
interferes with accurate reception of information as defined on page 7 in our textbook. I feel like
I struggle with this one a lot because I get easily distracted by the noise around me which in turn
affects how I receive messages from people. Because I struggle with this, I wanted to hone in on
how to work with the noise around me and still effectively communicate. That noise is much
harder to get rid of than simply adapting to it, everyone else seems to pull it off so it's time I did
the same.
Conclusion
I plan on cancelling out this noise by training myself too late and look people in the eye in
conversations and respond quickly to messages honestly. There is always so much going on in
my head due to my schedule and life that I fall back on the easiest understanding of a message I
get out of someone so that is something I will be working on too. Noise will always be there so it
is really up to us to work around so I hope those around me will bear with me on this
improvement of mine.

Journal #3

This week as I read something stood out to me that I didn’t realize that I often struggle with. This
concept is that of self and self esteem. A topic that they teach you in elementary school and then
not much else after that as far as I have experienced.
Reframe
My mental state is that I know I’m not much right now but it's got to get better eventually, right?
While that may be true to some degree, the idea of not thinking too much of myself is a toxic
thought process. I get that train of thought through my circumstances and in an attempt to be
humble. Humility is good but too much can lead to this bad thought process of mine. Then the
word “reframing” popped out at me with its definition of taking a look at things through different
points of view. An easy to understand but difficult to master concept.
Conclusion
In order to change this toxic state of mind I find myself in, I need to utilize reframing to change
my outlook on things. My life at the moment does have a fair amount of struggles but it also has
an enormous amount of excellence that very often gets overlooked. My goal is to stop
overlooking the good whether big or small and to do that I have to reframe how I'm looking at
things.
Journal #4

For me, chapter 3 gave me a lot to rethink about as I read through it. It helped me figure out
strategies for my Personal Change Proposal assignment and I am excited to apply what I learned
from that. The biggest aspect for sure to me was Being Other Oriented as I saw it as something
that I can directly apply over anything else.
Focusing on Others
It sounds like it's so obvious to make happen, just focus on the people around you and see your
communication flourish. Those were my initial thoughts, but in reality it is much harder to pull
off and be effective at it. What goes into Being Other Oriented is a critical two-step process,
thinking about what others think and feel or social decentering, and a term I am familiar with,
empathizing (Beebe, 2008, p. 79). To keep this up constantly is a lot of work and can be
exhausting but I’ve been able to apply it more in where I work with my boss and coworkers and
as a result (without disclosing too much), things went much more smoothly than they could have
been on a very stressful day. I will keep focusing on Being Other-Oriented because the amount
of ease it can bring to a day is vital for a busy person like myself.
Conclusion
I want to make a goal to try and apply this not only to my workplace but to every other
relationship I have. I feel as though there isn’t as much care for others in our society. That
sounds cliche’ but it rings true for me so I want to start changing my self-centered ways in that
aspect. I’m not going to completely throw myself away because I feel that is too much but I will
take more time to consider even random strangers around me and what they think and feel.
Journal #5

At this particular date, we had all just been notified that classes will be online for the remainder
of the semester and just shortly after that I was told that my job was put on a temporary hiatus
which would later turn into me being furloughed till May. In class we had just finished Chapter 8
which is all about conflict. Somehow, because of this quarantine I thought to myself how
unlikely it would be for me to come across relationship conflict but sure enough I was wrong.
Myth 2: Conflict Can Always Be Avoided
I fell prey to this myth about conflict that is taught in our textbook. In the textbook, it states
“Although such conflicts may not be intense, many differences of opinion punctuate our
relationships, with people we care about” (Beebe, 2008, p. 216). The conflict I ran into wasn’t
necessarily intense or relationship ending but it did cause some emotional confusion and stress.
There is someone that I’ve really wanted to hang out with since she's been in Southern Utah for
awhile but because of physical classes shutting down, she was able to move back home which is
much closer. I figured it to be a no brainer that we would get to see each other but she was pretty
against it and kept detracting from it every time we talked and I brought it up. It was confusing
for me because there were a lot of people still meeting up while still following proper social
distancing. After a few days I finally decided to be up front and ask why she didn’t want to meet
up. Turns out, her family works in the medical field and thus has a very high chance of carrying
the virus going around and all she wanted to do was prevent any chance of my catching it. All
this time, I thought she simply had no desire to be around me but in reality, she was doing her
best to protect me.
Conclusion
Conflict is something that is natural and I feel that I now have a good understanding of that.
When I thought of conflict, usually bad or troubled feelings followed. What's most important is
honestly keeping a cool open minded outlook into any conflict whether big or small. That doesn't
mean being totally passive is the right answer either but it does mean you have to be willing to
understand each side. I could have interrupted my situation totally differently had I just left my
conflict as is and be totally upset about it. Communication and a level head will ensure positive
results from conflict regardless of the outcome and that will be my goal to maintain that status
for when I run into conflict next.
Journal #6

On this day, one of my best friends got married and held a big celebration despite the pandemic
going around and how little the severity of catching it was in Utah at the time. What stood out to
me this day over anything else unfortunately was the fact that everyone in our friend group was
selected to be a groomsmen except me. I wish my outlook on this day was more positive towards
my friend but I just couldn’t shake the thought of being left out. While that situation was tough
for me, I did find something in Chapter 6 that helped me during the event and overall
understanding of it.
Genuinity Goes A Long Way
Throughout the day and the reception I kept reflecting on me being left out and why that was. I
was definitely making a bigger deal than necessary over this in my head but in the moment I felt
justified for feeling how I was feeling. Was there something I did wrong to my friend?
Something I said? Or maybe it was the lack of something I could have done for him. Regardless,
I showed up to the reception almost emotionless, just making an appearance because I got the
invite and everyone I know is going to be there. When I walked in, all of my friends treated me
with the same kindness they always have and I noticed something very distinct about that. They
were all acting themselves, in a genuine matter. In our textbook, it says “To be genuine means
that you honestly seek to be yourself rather than someone you are not.”(Beebe, 2008, p. 166).
When I showed up to the reception, my real self was absent and in place of that was neglect and
jealousy. Thankfully my friends were able to snap me out of that negative state and I was able to
celebrate my buddy’s big day by being my genuine self. It’s unfortunate that I wasted my whole
day having a pity party but I’m glad that didn't stop me from going to the reception.
Conclusion

I never did end up asking my friend why I was the only one left out and at this point it really
doesn’t matter. Now I know better than to let something as trivial as that affect me to the point
where I lose myself. I want to be that kind of person that others can trust to be consistently
positive and uplifting in even the worst scenarios and I am going to keep working on that
throughout my life. This instance was just another stepping stone towards that goal I have.

Journal #7

Quarantine at this point has really taken its toll on me at this point. There is a significant lack of
human interaction that used to be a staple in my life and now it has been greatly reduced.
Because of this, my appearance and overall care of my self image has greatly decreased.
My Appearance
I’ve decided to simply not care how I look because no one else has to see unless I want them to.
Now I’m not saying I’ve thrown my entire sanitary life out the window. I still shower, brush my
teeth, wash my hand, etc. but there are other things that I’ve left out of my daily routine. In our
textbook it states “American culture places a high value on how much you weigh, the style of
your hair, and the clothes you wear; these things are particularly important in the early stages of
relationship development.” (Beebe, 2008, p. 194). My quarantine ways have been very much
against the “American culture” as I have not styled my hair at all, wear the same few shorts and
shirts, and have thrown any attempt of a diet out the window. Because of this I have been
sluggish and slow to get going for the start of my day. It’s interesting that culture can really keep
your own personal life in order while still being the norm for most people. Now that we have had
to let go of part of our culture temporarily due to COVID-19, finding my own culture has
become difficult.
Conclusion
What I need to do now is simple, snap out of it. It’s clear that we are in this for the long haul and
the only one that can change my way of life is my ownself. I’ve got all the tools I need and the
support necessary to get back in gear and make the most of this quarantine.

Journal #8

The amount of time we have on our hands now is almost frightening to deal with now. With this
much time, people have taken to social media for a number of reasons but are all centered on
keeping our minds off of this pandemic. What I have noticed on my social media feed,
specifically instagram, were some of my friends needing uplifting messages. Being the nice guy
that I am, I took action to help my friends in their time of need, whether big or small.
Confirming Responses
One friend in particular that I have who made an instagram story post of needing uplifting
messages was someone whom I’ve had a profound impact on their life. I met her while I was
serving a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day-Saints a few years back and we've
been really good friends ever since. During the time I met her, I was able to help her through a
lot of struggles she was going through at college. Confirming responses are best defined by our
textbook as it states “The everyday kinds of confirmation and support we offer need not be
excessive-sincere moderate, heartfelt support is evaluated as the most positive and desirable
kind.” (Beebe, 2008, p. 142). I agree with this description of confirming responses as these are
things that I look for when receiving them and it's precisely what I do when I want someone to
value themselves more like my friend in need. I shot her a message keeping it simple, but
something I know that would get her spirits up. Based on her very positive response, I can only
say that it worked like a charm.
Conclusion
These messages, while they may be small, bring a huge impact into people's lives during tough
times like these. Our use of confirming responses can help carry us all through this pandemic so I
am going to do my best to send these to my friends. It’s quick, painless, and shows your friends
that you care for them.

Journal #9
It can be very difficult to live under these conditions that we have been forced into. To get my
interpersonal communication I've had to rely nearly solely on social media and technology. This
ties in perfectly with my relational change project of responding more promptly to messages sent
to me.
Interpersonal Intimacy
I’ve been working hard on my relational change project of being more prompt to the people
trying to talk to me through messaging. It does seem simple but it is something that I struggle
with and creates unnecessary turbulence in nearly all of my relationships. There is one
relationship I have that I want to make into something more than it is. My confidence in this
being mutual is pretty high and out of all the people I’ve been staying in contact with through
messaging, she is one I’ve maintained a healthy streak with. Anytime I get a message from her, I
am quick to respond to show respect and general interest. In our textbook, Derek Lyder has a
very good quote saying “Mutual attention to a partner's needs for self-esteem, security,
confidence, self value, and so on is the heart and soul of good quality intimacy.” (Beebe, 2008, p.
244). While we still may be “just friends” at the moment, I feel like Derek Lyder’s quote relates
well with what I am describing here as I feel like quick, genuine responses are what can
contribute to these “needs” during these times of limited exposure to other people. It certainly
meets my needs when they respond swiftly with genuine wording.
Conclusion
Throughout this semester, despite all that has happened, this relational change project has always
been on the back of my mind. Because of this, my response to messages in a quick amount of
time have been on point. I still mess up here and there but when I do, there is a much more
intense bad feeling I get and that actually makes me happy because it shows how much value I
put into messages now. All that's left is to keep it up and be more prompt to my response to show
my friends and family that I care for them.

Journal #10

This day was rather tough for me as far as trying to not go stir crazy. Social media can be either a
great asset or a device for self torture. I say this because all I see nowadays are people taking
advantage of this free time and doing stuff outside together.
Envy Over Jealousy
Jealousy and envy are two words I always confuse the meanings of. Envy is far more accurate to
describe the meaning of what I experience when I see my friends having a good time. Our
textbook defines Jealousy as a “reaction to the threat of losing a valued relationship” whereas
Envy is defined as “a feeling of discontent arising from a desire for something someone else
has.” (Beebe, 2008, p. 281). Maybe my mind will jump to conclusions and assume the definition
of jealousy is taking place but 99% of the time it will be envy. I'd really like to be with some of
my friends who are out having a good time but there is in no way a threat to my relationship with
them.
Conclusion
Overall, I just need to relax. I can even take advantage of this feeling and use it to drive my
relational change project of responding to messages promptly. Making my own messages always
has more priority in my mind since I am the one seeking a response. If I create more messages
and interactions with my friends, I’ll have more drive to be prompt on receiving and sending
messages which will then create a habit for me to just do that all the time. It’s always worth a
shot and I have to make the most of these quarantined times.

Journal # 11

If there is one thing I believe in, it's that no one in this world was born to die alone. I am really
thankful for all the friends that I have and chapter 11 of our textbook really spoke to me on what
it means to value friendship. It’s one of those things where you think you know how to value
friendships until you read this chapter and then your mind gets blown.
The Worth of Friendship
Regardless of who it is, I truly care about the friendship I have with them. I always seem to
neglect just what they really do for me even with the lack of time being spent around them right
now. Our text book lists several values friendships bring us but one that stood out was that they
“help us cope with stress and take care of physical needs, and even contribute to the development
of our personality.” (Beebe, 2008, p. 299). This literally says that I am who I am because of the
friends that I have and because of that, my life is a whole lot less stressful. One of those things
that I unfortunately need to be reminded of the fact but it's very important to know. Chapter 11
has made me value my friends because of what they do for me whether big or small. Even the
small things they do become big in the future, like a snowball rolling down a mountain.
Conclusion
I need to take advantage of this opportunity I have with my relational change challenge and show
how much I respect the value of my friendships. Responding to messages promptly and showing
how much I appreciate my relationships. That's only one step of many I will take but since we
are quarantined until further notice, technology is the key resource to use here

Journal # 12

In my stage of life, I can't help but to think about my future and where I’ll end up in 5 to 10
years. A lot of my friends are already married and are thinking about children while I am still on
square one of what I’m gonna have for dinner tomorrow. I know I shouldn’t compare myself to
others but I can’t help to see what my future holds regarding families.
Couples
No matter what group of friends I interact with, there will always be one that has at least one
couple in it. Now I have nothing against that but it does make me think of what I want when I
become a “couple”. The last thing I want to be that clingy boy who doesn’t give his partner a
chance to breathe but I also want to value what being a couple means. Our textbook gives 4
different types of couples and consist of traditional, independant, separate, and mixed couples.
The type that stands out to me are the mixed couples which are defined as “married couples in
which the two partners each adopt a different perspective (traditional, independant, separate,) on
the marriage.”(Beebe, 2008, p. 340). On paper it sounds like a mixed couple is the best call for
what you want and might be what I try to achieve when I get to that point. I'm sure there is a
whole lot more that goes into it and odds are that I might end up totally different than my
prediction. However, I see nothing wrong with setting goals now for what I want my future
relationship with a significant other to be like.
Conclusion
The best I can do now is to work hard on developing myself so that I can be the best partner I can
be whenever that time comes. There is a lot that can go into that development such as my
relational change project of being more responsive promptly, spending time with friends to help
create who I can be, and to overall be accepting and willing to take on whatever comes my way.
Only I can change myself so it's up to me to be a mate worth bragging about to others.

Works Cited

Beebe, Beebe, &u Redmond. (2008). Interpersonal Communication: Relating to Others.

6th ed. Boston: Pearson Education/Allyn & Bacon.