Logan Broshears

COMM 2110

Relational Change Project

April 29 2020

Relational Change Project Final Report

Introduction

Throughout this semester, I was tasked to find something about my communication patterns that

was unwanted and work on ways to break that habit. This paper will go into detail on how I went

about doing so. What I wanted to change about myself was my nasty habit of ignoring the

importance of messages sent to me by anyone and everyone. While I may not have totally

conquered this issue, the progress and growth I have made has been incredible and the

difference certainly shows. I had plenty of resources given to me such as our in-class time and

textbook as well as the 12 journals we were tasked to write to help keep track of our progress.

Things got a little rocky though once we headed into the middle of March where the virus known

as COVID-19 caused a world-wide pandemic which in-turn shut down nearly the entire nation,

including school and work. We had to shift to online classes and do everything through canvas.

Luckily, this didn't affect my personal change project due to the fact that my issue was directly

connected to technology. One of my biggest goals to achieve out of this was to treat technology

as something more than just an object and realise that there are other people on the other end that

want or need to communicate with me. I also wanted to improve my facework as I feel it has

deteriorated to most of the people I message so there is plenty of ground to cover.

Unwanted Communication Pattern

My undesirable trait is that I will intentionally ignore any message sent to me whether it be

through text, social media, or email and then forget about it for hours until I check my phone

again. This stems from me seeing it as a lack of urgency, like as if those words are second hand

compared to making a call or seeing me in person. Oftentimes I can’t think of anything to say so

I will just choose to not say anything and then forget about it until it's too late. Changing this

habit of mine is important because it is hardly fair to my friends and family and the feeling of

guilt I get afterwards is something I want to end.

Here are two examples of my habit taking affect:

● One example of this occurs more often than I would like it too with a group of friends I

know. This group is full of wonderfully amazing people, some of which I’ve known since

elementary school. There are two individuals that are beyond nice to me and are always

there for me. When I am with this group I always feel like I’ve got nothing to say to them

because they do all of these incredible things and my life is literally just school and work.

These moments always give me a little bit of dread before I go hangout with them as I

feel like I could better use my time doing something else. My invites to these gatherings

always come from those two individuals through texts and eventually I grew into the

habit of not even responding rather than just saying no. Not much later I started getting

calls from those two wondering if I am ok and that they were worried that I stopped

responding. I caused a whole lot of drama just out of a combination of fear and laziness

on my end that could easily have been avoided.

● Another example of this was when a friend of mine was visiting from out of town. She

wanted to meet up at City Creek and grab some lunch so of course I said yes. On the day

of, she texted me saying where I can meet up with her at City Creek and so I got in my
 car and started to drive. It took longer than I thought to get there and on my way there I

saw that she texted me a few times. I figured it was her just wondering where I was at and

so I assumed that I would answer when I pulled up. I ended up forgetting and went to

where we agreed upon meeting up. To my surprise, she wasn’t there so I finally checked

my phone where I saw messages that she will be on the other end of the mall instead and

so I killed about 30 minutes trying to hunt her down rather and that entire time she was

worried why I never responded back. I still got to spend time catching up but I made the

day much more confusing and stressful for both of us, just because my interest in what

she sent wasn’t enough to remind me to respond after driving.

These are just two of many but they stand out due to recency and that whether it be big or small,

it will affect my daily life. The aftermath of both incidents caused the people I’ve ignored to

worry and stress over things that were totally avoidable. If I were to apply the simple principle of

responding, both situations could have been handled much more effectively.

Strategies

The amount of information provided in this class is more than enough needed to form a few

strategies that will help me conquer this. I’ve actually had to change my strategies from the

proposal I wrote as they felt a little dated based on what I had learned past that point. Before I

am able to understand that I felt it important to understand what the word “responding” meant. In

our text book it describes it simply as a way to show our understanding of a message given to us

(Beebe, 2008, p. 145). My brain translated this as a prue respect for what another person has to

say so I wanted my strategies to have a sense of respect towards those who are affected.
First I wanted to make sure that I was showing my true colors to people when I message them

back. I felt that I could best do this by applying what our textbook describes as genuinity. It is

defined as “To be genuine means that you honestly seek to be yourself rather than someone you

are not.”(Beebe, 2008, p. 166). I saw this important to my first strategy because the definition

shines light on being yourself. My lack of responses was showing the type of person I do not

want to be. To apply this can be said as simple as considering the uniqueness of the situation and

the individual (Beebe, 2008, p. 166). To do this will help rewrite how my brain sees a situation

and to put in more compassion towards those who are trying to reach me. I wanted to start

thinking that when I got a message, that I was directly talking to them and a unique situation and

make sure I show them who I really am.

Another strategy I realized I could apply throughout this semester was something that was

brought up all throughout our textbook and that is to be other oriented. Being other oriented is

exactly how it sounds, to be focused on others and there is one strategy I wanted to apply that

directly involves that subject. That is to work on my responding skills and hone in on providing

well-time responses and appropriately adapting my responses. This is especially important in this

pandemic where texting unlimited video communication is all we have. I really feel like this will

break my bad habit of messaging because it will help give me information that will eliminate any

fear, lack of care, or laziness I come up with.

My last strategy is to nail my confirming responses that are laid out on page 141 of our textbook.

This strategy will come into play more so once I accomplish the first two strategies I broke

down. I’m certain that my relationships can be better maintained through the use of confirming

responses as it is defined as “The everyday kinds of confirmation and support we offer need not

be excessive-sincere moderate, heartfelt support is evaluated as the most positive and desirable
kind.” (Beebe, 2008, p. 142). This will be a nice cherry on the top of my strategy sundae where I

can leave people who want to message me and respond by showing that my legitimate value of

them is high. I can also patch up any relationships I might have damaged with my bad habit

using this strategy.

Constraints

The obvious constraint that occurred this semester was definitely the pandemic. I was worried at

first but I quickly realized that this would actually help me better than ever due to my only

reliable form of communication being through our technology. Having everyone locked down

meant that I no longer could make up any excuse for why I couldn’t message back and the

messages I received were far more abundant, giving me room to improve.

What turned out to be a major constraint was myself. More specifically my bad memory is what

held me back. Forgetting seems like a common thing amongst people but for me it really put me

back as far as messaging within a reasonable amount of time. This only came up when I was

doing something else prior to receiving a message, like my second example. Whether it be

homework, housework, or whatever I was doing that day; more often than not I would forget

about the message I received and go back to it hours later wondering how I could have forgotten

it. It also wouldn’t help my memory when there would be some days where I just wouldn't

receive a message so it would make it difficult to apply both my strategies. Your own worst

enemy is yourself and that saying holds true in this scenario.

Implementation

My implementation of this started by first stopping the constraints, which was my forgetfulness.

To do this I bought sticky notes and wrote them at my desk, in my car. And sometimes on my

phone. I also called up a trustworthy friend of mine to hold me to this and keep me accountable
throughout the semester by calling my weekly. My thought-process through this was that if I get

rid of the road blocks as soon as possible, then nothing should stop me from pulling this off and

see improvement. This helped me accomplish a goal that I had of valuing technology for what it

can do for us. I noticed this when I would put sticky notes on my desk where my computer is at

and my phone. I kept the sticky notes in a convenient location next to my bed so I would not

forget to rewrite one for my phone whenever I used it. What I would write on these sticky notes

varied but they all were related to my strategies and goals. These messages helped keep my mind

on track and ultimately highlight the true use of our devices and what they can do for our

relationships.

The friend I had called me every week ensured I was keeping up with my project by telling me to

go study what I am using for my strategies to ensure that I was doing the right thing. He would

also come at me if I forgot to message him longer than 30 minutes if he ever sent me a text. That

was more his idea but I feel like it worked and I saw myself being more active in messaging and

even in group messages where my response wasn’t as crucial. I’m very thankful for this friend of

mine as his will to help me out. He has also been on the other end of my bad habit so I’m certain

he got excited when he saw I wanted to change.

Results

There was a lot to take away from this experience overall. My positive consequences consisted

of more conversations occurring and a lot gained by having them. I never thought people cared

this much about messaging and while it could never replace the value of an in-person

conversation, the quality of these text conversations sky rocketed. Valuing these online

conversations has given me a whole new personality over the phone. I used to just send pretty
generic responses for most of my texts but now I add more personal flair and intent for just about

all of them when I get the chance.

A negative consequence of this project I found was that I’ve come to dislike the habit of my old-

self. Not to say I’m perfect at this but when I am applying my strategies and someone blows me

off through text (much like I used to), I get upset with them and in a sense turn very

hypocritical. I need to shape up and realize that they may be in the shoes I once wore and will

need to practice patience in order to pull this off.

The theory of the text I was studying is without a doubt being other-oriented. Focusing on others

helps open the mind to change and if I didn’t care about the people in my life, this project would

have ended up very different and most likely have poor results. As important as it is, being other

oriented can still be easy to forget so practicing consistency is key here.

I’m pretty satisfied with my attempted changes overall. I learned a lot about communication in

general such as when to respond and how to. I realized that responses cannot be full until you

accept to be yourself and commit to it. That is why I really like the strategies I chose for my

personal change project. They go hand in hand and can really change the emotion conveyed even

through messaging. When this pandemic is over, I am curious to see how much I can translate

from what I learned in this project into my dealings with people in real life.

Recommendation

This project has really changed my outlook on how I see every day interaction with others.

While I may not have my friend hounding me weekly for accountability, I still want and will

continue to do this. It can’t be a relational change project without actual “change” and soon I

won’t have this class to help remind me either. It won’t be easy and I'll have to emphasize my

use of sticky notes until I fully get this down but I cannot afford to stop now. A lot of progress
has been made and stopping now would be a complete waste of a semester's worth of work. I

may incorporate some of chapter 6 of our textbook where it breaks down to use of words and

how they can impact our relationships both in the real world and online. The next step after

getting the basics down this semester is to add more depth to my messages and ensure they are

prompt so they can affect me that Iwant everyone to see and know.

Works Cited

Beebe, Beebe, &u Redmond. (2008). Interpersonal Communication: Relating to Others.

6th ed. Boston: Pearson Education/Allyn & Bacon.