TOOSEXY FOR

VICTORIA’S
SECRET!
Reckon nobody’s
perfect? You haven’t
seen Daniela Tamayo

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t athletes at th e top of their game

 See the world’s hottes
P

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 inside
ISSUE 479 JUNE 8, 2015

GIRLS NEWS FEATURES SPORT REGULARS THE Z LIST

Daniela Tamayo Pubic-hair beard Games gadgets Gennady Golovkin The Camaro is back Film, music, games

Risky wristy
FUNLTLAL You’ve got to hand it to the
Ukrainian nutter known as
FR Mustang Wanted. In this scene from a

PIC
UK TV doco about urban free-climbing,
he’s able to maintain his balance and a
vice-like grip on James Kingston’s wrist
over Kiev’s 115-metre Moscow Bridge.

Don’t leave
me hangin’
PICTURES: SNAPPER MEDIA

WATCH THIS WEEK’S FOLLOW ON SOCIAL ME

HOTTEST VIDEO
@zooweek
weekly
yau
u

z
zooweeklyoz
eekly z
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 INSTAGRAM.COM/ZOOWEEKLYDIGITAL 3
4  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
 ZOO

WILDLIFE
THREESOME!

Bad
gnu’s
story
South African
antelope target
of croc, then
hippo joins in
This gnu had
a day to forget
after stopping for a
drink at the Sabi Sands
wildlife park in South
Africa. First a crocodile
clamped its toothy jaws
on it, then a hippo joined
in. Here the hippo can
be seen trying to lift the
wildebeest out of the
water and break the
PICTURES: PICTURE MEDIA

croc’s grip. As hippos

are vego, it either had
the shits that its territory
was invaded or was
trying to save the
wildebeest. It didn’t.
After about an hour,
the croc won the
bruising encounter.

 INTHEZOO.COM.AU 5
 TRYING TO T
CATCH HIS DRIF

6  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ

CAR 1, HELICOPTER 0!
Kiwi “Mad Mike” Whiddett and his 740kW Mazda MX-5 outgun a chopper!
While it looks as if Mad
Mike’s trying to out-
drift a chopper, he’s actually
trialling his rotary-engined
2014 Mazda MX-5 RADBUL.
He needed the extra grunt to
compete in the Formula Drift
Pro series, so a step up from
his four-rotor naturally
aspirated Mazda RX-7
(MADBUL) and three-rotor
turbocharged Mazda RX-8
ZOO
(BADBUL) was required. The
beast’s so powerful they had
to install wind deflectors in
the cabin, as smoke from the
tyres kept pooling there.
Mike qualified eighth in his
first Formula Drift round,
held in Atlanta. He admits the
power’s taking some getting
used to: “It’s pretty scary... it’s
just that much faster than
what we’re used to.”
PICTURE: RED BULL
 INTHEZOO.COM.AU 7
8  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
 GET THE APP!

!
Ay caramba!
Daniela Tamayo is the best thing to come out of Colombia since cheap, pure cocaine

 INTHEZOO.COM.AU 9
10  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
 ZOO

You can come across

all sorts of sights
travelling around
Medellin, Colombia’s
second-biggest city.
Its days of being the
world’s most violent
city belong in the past
along with legendary
cocaine narco-
gangster Pablo
Escobar, but there’s
still an edge.
Take the criminal
gangs, the Aguilas
Negras (“Black
Eagles”) — formed
from the remnants
of disbanded urban
guerillas, 3000 of
whom disarmed
10 years ago.
They’re known
to hand out fliers
declaring a campaign
of social cleansing by
wiping out prostitutes,
drug addicts and
alcoholics, which
means house parties
would be a lot less
interesting.
But Medellin offers
some plus points, as
locals found a few
years ago with a
new ad campaign
featuring Daniela
Tamayo. Latin
American women
are notably stunning
— dark skin and hair,
and hourglass
figures so hot they
set icebergs on fire.
Well, this
mamacita was all
woman, but her hair
was ash blonde and
she was so sensual
her eyes appear to be
tickling your groin
with a feather.
This billboard
campaign for a brand
of shirts was the
flawless hottie’s first
appearance, but not

 INTHEZOO.COM.AU 11
 the last. The camera
loved her and work
came flooding in.
Though born
in Brooklyn, New
York, she moved to
Colombia aged five,
and for the most part
treated modelling as
a hobby while she
stuck her nose in a
variety of books,
studying for a
business degree at a
Medellin university.
She’s now
graduated and runs
her own restaurant
— her favourite
cuisine’s Italian, so
Daniela’s a hot blonde
with an interest in
food. She also works
out for 90 minutes to
two hours a day at the
gym to keep that
figure so tight —
along with Tae Bo,

12  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
 ZOO

 INTHEZOO.COM.AU 13
 technique. Oh, and
she follows soccer. If
she could turn water
into beer, she’d be
the perfect woman.
She’s got a taste
for modelling — which
is good — and wants
to travel, continue
with her business,
and probably rescue
kittens and puppies
and shower them with
chew toys and food.
According to a
recent Q&A in Spanish,
Daniela thinks her
eyes are the best part
of her body — and
then her “tail”. We’re
presuming she means
that fine booty and not
a weird appendage.
Though, to be honest,
we could overlook
anything for her...
PICTURES: JUAN FELIPE BOHOROQUEZ/LIPSTICK SYNDICATION

14  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
ZOO
 ZOO
RMAL WETSUIT BE BE RD  50 CENT’S
The terror rou ’s ob rms have be
released b the US. He ’s how to bl
their recruiters’ minds th your ans
It’s hard to believe, but behind
al-Qaeda’s mask of ruthless evil
lies a human resources department of
ruthless efficiency. Documents the US
claim they seized during the Osama
bin Laden killing suggest jihadi
bureaucrats are determined to make
themselves useful. So alongside
PICTURES: THINKSTOCK
asking if you’d be willing to go on a
suicide mission and who they should
contact in case of martyrdom, they
also want to know candidates’
hobbies, education levels and how
they arrived in “the Land of Jihad”.
No mention of pay or holidays
either, the cheap bastards.
INESS IS
OMING!
50 CENT is an idiot
Daphne Joy has a body that’d make the Pope stock In hindsight, it
doesn’t make
up on condoms — and Fiddy blew it with her! any cents

It’s a safe bet that
when 50 Cent saw
these sizzling shots of his
stunning ex-girlfriend
Daphne Joy on a Miami
beach he gave himself an
uppercut so hard his teeth
went through his forehead.
Hip-hop mogul Fiddy, real
name Curtis James Jackson,
had a three-year relationship
with Filipino native Joy. They
even had a son, Sire. But
FIddy’s arrest on a domestic
violence charge in 2013 —
when he allegedly kicked her
— has probably put paid to any
chances of reconciliation.
About six weeks after the
charges were dropped, Fiddy
tweeted a pic of a male stick
figure holding a red heart
running from a female stick
figure, who’s saying, “Stop,
that’s nothing to play with!”
The man’s saying, “Shut up,
you a hoe anyway!”
Twenty-eight-year-old
Joy once said she liked
“somebody nobody wants
to mess with. Masculinity,
muscles and muscles”. A
few weeks ago she tweeted,
“Humility and having a heart
of gold is the most attractive
thing about a man. Period.”
Yeah, she’s gone right off
him. About the only thing he
can identify with in that
sentence is “gold”.
The dancer/designer/
actress — she’s been in both
Curb Your Enthusiasm and
Pirates of the Caribbean: On
Stranger Tides — emigrated
to the US when she was seven.
Her ethnic background’s
Filipino and Puerto Rican,
which accounts for her
striking looks.
She confesses that her
fast metabolism means she
doesn’t put on weight easily.
Except in the chest and
booty area, of course.

18  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
DAPHNE
JOY
TO THE
WORLD
PICTURES: GETTY, SPLASH

 INTHEZOO.COM.AU 19
 w an w
myself at wo
and n - n
n w

Quiksilver brings out

a range of wetsuits you
could wear to a wedding
After a hard day
in the office —
any kind of day, in fact
— there’s nothing the
average surfer wants
to do more than smash
a few waves and unwind.
But think of all that time
wasted changing clothes!
That’s a thing of the past
thanks to Quiksilver
Japan’s True Wetsuit line,
which can be worn on
surfboards and in board
rooms. Available
in office smart,
casual Friday and
party tuxedo designs,
the suit’s made of 2mm
neoprene, the shirt and tie
from boardshort fabric.
The pockets are flat so they
won’t catch the water and
act like mini swimming
pools, too. And sure, they’re
$3200 a pop, but you can’t
put a price on smelling like
seaweed at work.

Yes, that’s
a bloke
carrying
a minivan
on a scooter
How did this Chinese
I’m like Kim
man get it there? And Kardashian
sweet Lord, why? on wheels

Traffic police stopped

and cautioned this
driver in Yangzhou, China,
before booking a tow truck to
take the van away. And with
bloody good reason: that
PICTURE: AUSTRALSCOPE

900kg piece of “luggage”

he’s carrying exceeds the tiny
scoot’s load capacity by 600
per cent! It’s thought he was
getting the flat tyre fixed, but
why take the whole vehicle?

20  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
GET THE APP!

The “office smart” has a

black jacket and trousers,
plus a white shirt and a
monochrome striped tie

FASHION’S
NEW WAVE!
Buck’s party
At least it’s
not bum
fluff...

PUBE BEARD
horror!
Groom-to-be gets 40
blokes’ love moss
glued to his face
If you thought the
aftermath of the
buck’s party in The Hangover
was the stuff of nightmares,
have we got news for you...
Pommy bloke Mark Longley
just went through his own
stag do with the pubic hair
of 20-to-40 men glued
to his face and ears.
The hair, which ZOO
hopes was free of pubic lice,
was sent to best man Steve
West’s house by post. But
the weird bit is the fact that
Longley actually agreed to
the practical joke. “I was
honoured and thought it was
very nice of him… but also
very silly,” noted West.
But wait — there’s more.
Longley was also duct-taped
to a wheelchair wearing a
nappy and clown boots, with
a penis drawn on his chest
along with various insults
written on his body.
England’s well-known
stiff upper lip served him
well when a mate wheeled
Longley into a seniors’ centre,
announced him as “the
amazing pube-beard man”
and walked off, leaving
the oldies to either piss
themselves laughing —
literally — or die of a pube-
related heart attack.
Longley also had to hold
a cabbage wherever he went
or perform forfeits, though
Christ only knows what they
could be. He’d have had
a better time with people
who hated him.
“Personally I think he
WELL
GROOMED!
looks like a bit of
a plonker,” added
West, who posted
pictures and
comments of
their adventure on
Facebook, where it
predictably went viral in
less time than it takes to
shave off your ball ’fro.
ZOO’s correspondents
in Newtown and Fitzroy
report that inner-city
hipsters are already
copying Longley’s method
of “growing” a weird-
looking beard, praising
it as an improvement
on their current styles.

Taped to a wheelchair
wearing incontinence
pants... his mum must
be so proud!

22  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
Yank names
pub after
Tony Abbott!
You don’t have to be a tool to drink
at Wanker’s Corner, but it helps
If you find yourself
with a powerful thirst
in Wilsonville, Oregon, head
for the Wanker’s Corner café
and saloon. It was named
by current owner Cooper
Maixner’s father after a
Welshman once demanded
of him: “Get me a drink, you
bloody wanker.” Pissing off the system one test at a time
Cooper’s drinking hole
even holds a wank-off

WE HAVE
tournament, involving a
stick of wood and sandpaper.

EVERYTHING YOU
The winner removes the paint
as fast as possible, and for

NEED TO PASS
once, that’s not a metaphor.
The logo’s a roo in an
apron grabbing peanuts
from its pouch plus the
slogan “Grab your nuts at the ANY TYPE
Wanker’s Corner” — and it’s
available on a T-shirt, so OF DRUG TEST!!
there’s your next Mother’s
Day present sorted.
“I’ve been asked what
a wanker is,” Maixner told
a News Limited reporter.
WEALSOSELL
“My official response is  LOCK PICK SETS  CCTV KITS  DRONES
that it’s a slacker or loader
The Wanker’s Ale is a  STASH DEVICES  SCALES  SPYWARE
that sits around and difficult sell, as is the
drinks beer all day.” pulled-pork sandwich  MONEY COUNTERS  AUDIO BUGS
And with promotions  GOLD PLATED GRILLS  SMOKING DEVICES
like Tijuana Tuesday, Stoli  TRACKING DEVICES  HERBAL FORMULA’S
Saturday and the feminist
 HERBAL INCENSE  HERBAL BLENDS
favourite Dumb Blonde
Sunday, beer’s not the  HERBAL SUPPLEMENTS
only thing that gets drunk.
However, Foster’s and
Coopers aren’t on tap any
longer, after the distributor
stopped carrying it.
 FREMANTLESFINEST.COM
And while grilled chook  0414 147 748
is on the menu, there’s no
beetroot in the burgers.  FREMANTLESFINEST
Bunch of wankers...
20 ADELAIDE ST - FREMANTLE
 THE HOTTEST NEW WHEELS EVERY WEEK

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Aussie-made V8s are no more, but the new Camaro will fill the gap
The Commodore is a right-hand-drive version of ride comes with a 339kW they’ve lightened the 2016
dead, long live the the Mk6 Camaro for Down 6.2-litre V8 that also cranks model by about 90kg over
Camaro! General Motors Under. So anyone pining for out a tyre-murdering 617Nm its predecessor. Now we
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24  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
 GET THE APP!

A
RCAR

 INSTAGRAM.COM/ZOOWEEKLYDIGITAL 25

GAGS SO GOOD YOU’LL HAVE MA
ZOO
● A bloke rocks up to a bar.
After he’s had a few he sees
a gorgeous woman who’s
sitting on her own, nursing a
drink that doesn’t have a lot
of liquor left in it.
“Hey there, good-
looking!” he says. “Want me
to get another of those for
you, sweetheart?”
The woman’s half-cut
and she’s heard it all before,
so she replies, “Listen,
buddy. I screw anybody,
anywhere, anytime. Your
place, my place, your car,
my car, on the veranda,
front door, back door,
standing up, sitting down,
completely naked, partially
clothed, by ourselves, with
lots of people watching...
it doesn’t matter to me.
I’ve been doing it ever since
I finished uni and I just
absolutely love it!”
The bloke’s eyes go wide
with excitement and he
shoots back, “No kidding!
I’m a lawyer, too! Which firm
do you work for?”
AARON, VIA EMAIL
WHAT DID
THE KID WITH
NO ARMS
AND NO LEGS
GET FOR
CHRISTMAS?
CANCER.
MARK, VIA EMAIL
● A rabbi and a priest
are having a picnic on
a really hot summer day
and want to dip in the river
to cool off. They didn’t think
to bring bathing suits, so
they decide to skinny dip.
The river’s flowing fast
and both men get washed
26 FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
CE
SCARA RUNNING DOWN YOUR FA
as!
Dog magician:
Think of a
colour, any
colour... is it...
grey?
Other dog: Oh my GOD!
@CornOnTheGoblin
If you see
a kid who’s
physically
unusual,
be sure to
mention it to the parents.
Odds are they’ve never
noticed and will thank you.
@notalogin
When
mobsters put a
murdered rival
in a body bag,
they call
themselves gangster
wrappers and laugh
and laugh and laugh.
@sixthformpoet
Margot Robbie Maddison Please get in
touch if you’re
downstream. After climbing ● I overheard a midget an idiot who
out of the river, they start to telling a copper that his doesn’t
make a run for it to get to their pocket had been picked.
understand
sarcasm. I’m really, REALLY
clothes, when members of
their congregation come into
The concerned
policeman replied,
keen to hear from you.
@RogerQuimbly
view. The priest covers his “I can’t believe anyone
junk with his hands and puts
on a burst of speed, but the
would stoop so low.”
PETER, VIA EMAIL
Kid:
WAAAHH!
rabbi covers his face instead.
MY TOY IS
BROKEN!!
“What are you doing?”
the priest asks.
● I just found out my
cousin and her husband
Dad: Nothing
a little duct tape won’t fix...
“I don’t know about are pregnant and Kid: mfflr...frrrr...strnnn...
@TheToddWilliams
you,” the Rabbi answers, expecting their first child.
“but my congregants They keep saying
A female
recognise me by my face.” they don’t know the sex, spider lays
WAYNE, VIA EMAIL but I think it’s pretty safe up to 6000
to say it wasn’t anal. eggs. And if
● Did you hear about the REBECCA, VIA EMAIL just one of
them forgets Mother’s Day,
woodworker who fell into she brings it up at every
a vat of varnish? ● Why did the pig go family event until she dies.
It was a terrible end, into the kitchen? @thewritertype
but a beautiful finish. He felt like bacon.
ASH
ASH, VIA EMAIL LISA
LISA, VIA EMAIL
 the
ZOO’s stand-up comedian heckles life every week
PENSIONER’S PRINGLES BABIES:
ONCE SHE POPPED, SHE COULDN’T STOP!
A 65-year-old German
mother of 13 has given birth
to quadruplets… 65 years old!
I hope your mid-morning
wank wasn’t ruined by
the sound of your dick
screaming. Born slightly
premature at the 26-week
mark, they were delivered
by C-section in a huff of
sirens and afterbirth that
I assume would look
something like the dust storm
that stopped the baseball
game in Interstellar.
IASSUMETHE
GRANNY’SBIRTH
WOULD’VELOOKED
SOMETHINGLIKE
THEDUSTSTORM
THATSTOPPEDTHE
BASEBALLGAMEIN
INTERSTELLAR
Her current swarm of
offspring range from nine to
44 years old and are from five
different fathers, all departed
or deceased. With the
quadruplets added to the
fold, the family now have the
precise numbers and absence
of father figures to recreate
Hitler’s blitzkrieg of Poland.
Coincidence? That’s for the
History Channel to decide.
It’s not all bleak news,
though, as she’s pulled up
birthing stumps and donated
her womb to science. In
unrelated news, the lobby of
the Hadron Collider building
in Switzerland is very excited
about its new protein-shake
vending machine.
The IVF procedure
was performed in Ukraine,
and luckily she was there
attending a war-crimes
tribunal, so it worked out
nicely. But this procedure/
exact opposite of a miracle
is currently illegal in Germany.
I don’t know much about
German culture, but I do know
they love a bit of structure
and regulation, so I guess
there’s something about a
doctor with a Super Soaker
full of jizz standing two
metres away from a willing
grandmother in stirrups that
really soured their kraut.
The actual doctor was
kind enough to let me make
up his responses to an
interview we never had about
the IVF process: “I switched
off the targeting computer
and fired a protein torpedo
into the small thermal
exhaust port, just above
her main port,” he quipped
cheekily. Then I asked, “Was
it just like bullseyeing womp
rats in your T-16 back home?”
and we both laughed, once
we’d stopped vomiting.
JACQUES’
COCK IS ON
Jaques’ Cock
I borrowed a girl’s phone
and took over some Tinder
convos for her…
Unsuspecting dude:
Hello there. Would you
like to catch up for some
drinks and frivolity?
Me: What’s your definition
of frivolity?
Unsuspecting dude:
Fun times and mischief.
Me: This Webster dictionary
I just found defines it as
“when a woman endures
a man’s inane chatter long
enough to get free meal and
a few cocktails, at which
point her actual boyfriend
will call to tell her he’s got
the blow, and she should
come over.”
Unsuspecting dude: Whoa!
Me: Pick me up an 8?
Unsuspecting dude: PM?
Me: No, 8-ball, pick me up
an 8-ball. You’re killin’ me.
Unsuspecting dude: Hi.
Are you a fan of puns?
Me: I just shat in my nappy
so I guess it Depends.
Unsuspecting dude:
You wear a nappy?
Me: I ate Indian last night...
I give the smell of my farts
a naan out of 10.
Dude: Ha ha. You’ll love this
one, then. What do you call
a Mexican who lost his car?
Me: You call immigration.
Unsuspecting dude: No,
PICTURES: GETTY IMAGES
LOL, you call him “Carlos”.
Me: What do you call
a guy on Tinder who
thinks puns are fun?
Unsuspecting dude: What?
Me: A paedophile.
 INTHEZOO.COM.AU 27
 ZOO

Clear out your social calendar — and your bank

account — and get hold of these boys’ toys

KICK-ARSE
GAME
CAPTURES
 If you’re as good at gaming
as Mick Malthouse is at losing
footy matches, you’ll want to
show everybody. Elgato’s
Game Capture HD60 will
preserve your skill at 1080p
and 60fps, plus there are
live streaming and live
commentary features.
A must if you want to start
your own YouTube channel.

TELL Y R
iMAC T CRYSTAL-
SHUT TH CLEAR
HELL UP RETRO
 Keep Atama’s Sesa e GAMING
device in your pocket n  Got games from NES,
your Apple computer ill SNES, Sega Genesis, Game
automatically lock wh n Boy, Game Boy Colour and
walk away. Or get thro n others? Want them to run
away from it by your w e crystal-clear on your
after playing Angry Bi flatscreen TV? Hyperkin’s
12 hours on your wedd Retro 5 will make it happen.
anniversary. It’ll open our Warning: you might play so
Mac up when you returrn, too. much you lose your job.
Handy for porn lovers, no?

28  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOO
GIVE
YOURSELF
A WIRELESS
EARGASM!
 Yes, a pair of Astro A50
wireless headphones will set
you back about $380, but
THIS LAPTOP’S TOUGHER THAN TYSON
you get flawless treble and  You’ve just died after mad for months, so you’ve which can dishup the latest
bass that’s deeper than Bill coming within a bee’s dick of slammed your fist into your graphics technology and
Gates’s pockets. Using them beating that opponent in Dark laptop. But that’s OK, because take more punishment than
to play Guitar Hero will be Souls that’s been driving you you got an ASUS ROG G751, a diehard Carlton fan.
the best aural sex you’ve
ever had, and you’ll hear
enemies in stealth mode
coming from a mile off.

THE RACING
SIM THAT
CAN BREAK
YOUR
WRISTS
 How realistic is the CXC
Simulations Motion Pro II?
Pros use it to learn courses,
thanks to its hyper-accurate
controls and movement. Like
the real thing, the steering
wheel generates 16 Nm of
force. Take your hands off
when you crash or it’ll snap a
bone or two… and you won’t
have money for a doctor
after shelling out $69k for it.

 INTHEZOO.COM.AU 29
 ZOO 20 GAMES GADGETS YOU NEED NOW

MIGHTY MOUSE!
 It looks like a spaceship and
packs NASA-like levels of tech.
Um… we think. The list of specs
for the Cougar 600M mouse
includes OMRON switches,
ADNS-900 sensor, 32-bit
ARM processor and 512KB of
on-board storage, whatever
that means. We’re surprised it
doesn’t also shoot death rays.

GAME OVER,
MAN. GAME
OVER!
 It’s the dilemma that’s
driven gamers crazy forever:
how do you show chicks that
you’re mad into gaming, but
also cool enough to hit the
EVERY piss with them? And here’s
RETRO the answer: ThinkGeek’s
range of NES cartridges that
FORMAT have been turned into hip
EVER! flasks.
flasks Thank you
you, Jesus!

 The Retro Freak by Cyber

Gadget lets you pump those
antique games into your TV
at 720p via HDMI, is small
enough to carry around
easily, and you can install
titles directly onto the unit.

IT’S PONG,
BUT NOT AS
YOU KNOW IT
 One of the first games
ever made has gone three-
dimensional. Virtual Pong
features a ball made out of
light that bounces off walls
and ceilings, and you whack
it with an electronic racquet.
HOW TO NINTENDO
YOUR PHONE UP
 Reckon the design of
controllers went downhill after
the classic NES hit Oz in 1987?
Invest in 8Bitdo’s NES30 game
pad, which connects to your
THE NEXT
THING IN
VIRTUAL
REALITY
 Pinć VR is a virtual reality
platform that straps onto
your face and has two finger
ring-like controllers that let
you manipulate what you
see. Right now it’s focused
on shopping and audio-
visual stuff, but get in fast,
phone or PC via Bluetooth, and
because the possible
you can go retro anywhere,
gaming applications
anytime. The battery lasts 20
are going to kick arse.
hours, so it’ll easily see you
through a day at the office.

TAKING
COMFORT
TO THE
NEXT LEVEL
 Couchmaster’s range lets
you use your keyboard and
mouse from an armchair or
sofa in comfort so amazing
you might need ice to remain
awake. All the really serious
gamer needs after buying
one of these is to get a
plumber to make their couch
into a functioning toilet, too.

30  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ

DON’T
WANT TO
GO BLIND?
BUY THIS
 Gaming at night with the
lights off is as bad for your
eyes as looking at nude pics
of Jacqui Lambie. Attach
Antec’s Bias Lighting strips
to the back of your teev —
it’s powered by the TV’s USB
port — and your optic nerves
will thank you for it.
TYPETHEARTOO-DEETOOWAY
 What could be cooler than
typing on a virtual keyboard
being beamed out of what looks
like R2-D2 after he’s gone over
to the Dark Side? Well, rooting
Kate Upton, for one. But th
TINY B
BUT
MIGHTTY
ARCAD DE
FUN
 At t 15cm high,
Nanoarcade’s gaming
platforms are ssmall
eno to be smuggled
into jail up your arse, if
needed. The jo oystick and
buttons are fun nctional, it’s
mobile, plays Java games,
and you can pimp it out.
ention than
the wwheel.
NINTENDO DONE
THE RIGHT WAY
 Rabbit Engineering’s Model
G1 is a handmade work of art
for the discerning gamer who
wants to play his NES games
on something that looks like it
genius bit of gear from Imp
still rocks. It’s a limited edition,
so make the jump to hyperspace
if you want one.
belongs in a billionaire’s den.
It’s 3D-printed, has an arcade-
spec joystick and buttons, and
will be the first thing you save
if there’s a house fire.
NEVER HAVE A DEAD
CONTROLLER AGAIN
 Marathon gamers, rejoice!
Energizer makes recharge
stands for the PS4’s DualShock
handset and the Xbox One’s
version so you don’t have to be
ZOO
URN YOUR
HONE
TO A
AMEBOY
yperkin debuted the
artBoy as an April Fool’s
this year. But the device
hich turns an iPhone 6
into a GameBoy,
plete with controls —
so popular that they’re
ng it for real. Or maybe
e doing it because
ot death threats.
ever… it’s a great idea!
THE
MASTER
CONTROLLER
HACKER
 The Titan One is like a
skeleton key that unlocks
the true potential of your
handset. Buy one and you
can use just about any
controller — or even a mouse
and keyboard — with just
about any console made
after 1995. And if you can
code, it’ll let you make
custom modifications.
The mind boggles.
a hostage to crap battery life
PICTURES: XXXXX
ever again. That’ll come in handy
next time you chuck a sickie
to play Call of Duty online
for 32 hours straight.
 INTHEZOO.COM.AU 31
IN THE
ZOO
WITH

evin Dill n
The Entourage star on Emily Ratajkowski’s boobs,
fighting Ronda Rousey, yelling “Victory!”
and his mum walking out of Platoon…
 ZOO
that I know of. I didn’t
have many scenes
with her. Does she
usually do that?
Yeah, that’s what
she’s famous for…
Maybe. There’s
probably going
to be a couple of
boob shots but I’m
not sure if she gets
hers out or not.
Who are your
favourite cameos?
Liam Neeson was
occasionally throw
one in there. You hear
sportscasters on ESPN
are doing it now. You
on... hear people doing it on
ourite TV shows. It’s nice to
nts was have a catchphrase.
Victory!” Does it feel good now
d Canyon you’re not living in your
s? famous actor brother
t? That Matt’s shadow?
vourite Yeah, it does feel good
ma’s to fight your way out
by his of that. But then again
e’s going I fought my way out of
Grand being Matt Dillon’s
e finds out brother to being Johnny
reviews Drama — people still
t was don’t know my name
urite [laughs]. People are like,
the first “Hey, Johnny!” But it’s
“victory” alright. At least it’s a
nd the character I created.
ould say It’s better than being
U2 concert “Hey, Matt’s brother!”
ow “Happy How do you feel now
ny when you watch the
t whole Platoon scene where
. And that Bunny smashes the
he first disabled guy’s head in?
d “victory” Oh, man. It’s still good.
e by the That movie still holds
e of the up. It really does. Every
p at Comic- time I see that I think of
go, “Hey my mum. I went to the
a screening with her and
I would she was sitting right next
favourite to me. When I did that,
k you’re she got up and tried to
ere are leave the theatre. I had
ood to physically restrain
his movie. her and make her stay
flip out. and watch the rest of
eaps of it. She had a tough time
g to get with that. She’s got two
ictory!”? sons in the business
g people so she knows it’s just
y trying to a movie, but she had
, so I’ll a tough time.

 Entourage is in
cinemas June 4

 INTHEZOO.COM.AU 33
 LERYN FRANCO
She made it to the Olympics
in the javelin throw and was
runner-up in Paraguay’s
Miss Universe comp in
2006. Not hard to see why!

34  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
 RA LA -
If two-time US champ Sierra was as
good at rock climbing as she is at
modelling, she’d be able to get up
Mount Everest in 15 minutes flat.

N
When she’s finished playing
soccer for the USA she’’ll be
a walk-up start for a gig
with Victoria’s Secret.

N FE X
The winner of the 200m at
the 2012 Olympics is a dead
ringer for Rosario Dawson.

 INTHEZOO.COM.AU 35
 Z

GET THE APP!

SALLY FITZGIBBONS
If women’s surfing was a beauty
contest she’d have won more
world titles than Kelly Slater.
MICHELLE JENNEKE
Her dancing video’s had more than 27
million hits on YouTube. About 90 per
cent of those were from our editor.

36  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
 W
At six feet she’s one of pro
golf’s tallest women... and
one of the best at pulling
an O face after a great shot.

TE
You’d want to have a good
pick-up line for this UFC star.
Offend her and you’ll wake
up in an ambulance.

A I
Finland’s fittest figure skater
PICTURES: GETTY, PICTURE MEDIA, AUSTRALSCOPE, SPLASH

gets 10s from male judges

even when she falls over.

SIA
Go to YouTube and enter the
pro surfer’s name followed by
“twerking”. You can thank us later...

 INTHEZOO.COM.AU 37
 ZO

GINA CARANO
MMA star, actress, television
personality, model... is there
anything she can’t do? Yes:
look anything other than hot.

MAR
RIA
SHARAPOVA
If you ever see the tennis
goddess do this in your
bedroom, you’re the
luckiest man on Earth.

RONDA ROUSEY
The only woman on the
planet who could turn a man
on by knocking him out.

38  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
 P
Looks like a supermodel and
drives a NASCAR about as
well as Mad Max drives a
suped-up XB Ford Falcon.

E VA
Back when she was too
young to compete in MMA
fighting, but too hot to ignore,
Paige turned just as many
heads as a ring card girl.

IG
Bar Refaeli and the US pro
B-baller have something
in common: they’ve both
shot for Sports Illustrated.

 INTHEZOO.COM.AU 39
 F U T U R E / / W E B / / A D V I C E / / S * * T T E C H / / T E S T E D / / E X P

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irror ess as t e ow
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4 FACEBOOK.COM ZOOWEEKLY
 * T T E C H / / T E S T E D / / E X P L A I N E D
ZOO
INFLATABLE TENT
That’s right, you lazy gits. structure unfurls into a
o more s ru n w eo es c ome. save
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$ 152 wireless speaker,
a flashlight, plus it’s
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DOPE BUDS
Airbuds headphones
use memory foam to
give you an airtight seal
and reduce irritation
and soreness while you
blast some bloody Chisel.
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$ 102
LOCK ON A BRIGHT
The best thing about IDEA
the Linka smart lock Until some boffin
isn’t that it’ll disengage works out how to power
automatically when it devices from swearing,
$ 126 detects your phone in
the area, or that it’ll
we have to rely on
electricity. The Solartab
immobilise your bike makes enough juice
when locked. No, it’s the from the sun to power
built-in siren that’ll scare a tablet, and can store
the thieves shitless. GET it after dark. CHECK IT:
IT: www.kickstarter.com www.mysolartab.com
 ZOO

42  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
OF THE
Yeah, it’s only June, but we
can’t see the bootylicious
LAUREN SCOTT’S
bum being bested

 INTHEZOO.COM.AU 43
lauren
SCOTT
W
e can’t
find
anything
about you
on the
internet,
Lauren
— how is that possible?
Are you a secret agent
or in Witness Protection
or something?
I’m only on social media
and I’ve always been
quite reserved about
my private life — and
sins! I’m also very new
to modelling so there’s
not much about me out
there. Hopefully there’ll
be much much more
to come. Thanks to
ZOO for giving me
my big break!
The pleasure is all ours!
What can you tell us
about yourself?
I’m 21 and live in
Nottingham, UK. I’ve

“I love s
au ss ie gu y
— any
ta k e rs ?”
literally only just got into
modelling a few weeks
ago. It’s something I’ve
always wanted to do!
Well, you’re a natural.
What part of your
body gets the most
compliments?
Definitely my bum!
I guess it stands out
[laughs]. Also my eyes
— they’re bright blue and
I’m quite dark-skinned.
People often ask if
they’re contact lenses.
They’re not!
ZOO reckons we won’t
run pics of a better bum
all year. Do you hear
that kind of thing often?
I do! It makes me laugh
because people have
always joked, saying

44  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
 ZOO

PICTURES: MATRIX SYNDICATIONS

ZOO
“Your bum is going to
be famous one day!”
How do you keep it
in such good shape?
I work very hard in the
gym to keep it toned and
maintain the shape. I go
to the gym five times a
week and I usually train
my bum twice during
this time. I just love it!
Who do you see as your
main competition in the
booty stakes?
I’m not competing with
anybody. Any woman
with a good body is an
inspiration to me and
makes me want to
get better myself!
Would you ever want a
massive badonkadonk
like Kim Kardashian?
No [laughs]. I love Kim K
but I don’t want her
badonkadonk!
Your hair is really long
— Is it good for doing
windmills at heavy
metal concerts?
I’m more of a hair-
flick girl...
What do you do for fun?
I love fine dining,
shopping, going to bars,
travelling and, of course,
training my bum!
Who’s your ideal man?
I’ve already found my
ideal man!
Damn! What do you
think of Aussie guys?
I love sporty, fun guys
so I reckon Aussie men
would be right up my
street. What do you
think — any takers?
Half of Australia just put
their hands up. Are you
a girly girl or do you like
hanging with the boys?
I’m definitely a huge girly
girl. Spas, massages and
facials for me, please!
What have you got
coming up in 2015?
This year has already
been amazing so far
and hopefully the good
luck will continue. Also,
I plan to go on as many
holidays as possible and
experience new things
and places. Maybe you’ll
see me in Australia very
soon. I hope so!
You’re welcome
any time, Lauren!
 lauren
SCOTT

 INTHEZOO.COM.AU 47
 ZOO
Talk about a cover-
1 up! Way back in
1963, Addison Yeaman
(executive president of
the Brown and Williamson
tobacco company and
president of the US Council
for Tobacco Research)
48  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
r a s us as a
wrote an internal memo lav ur additiv
stating that cigarettes for ciggies. What’s urea
“cause or predispose, lung ou as ? It’s a c em ca
cancer...They contribute mpound ound in urine.
to certain cardiovascular a oes somet n
disorders...They may well ave taste if ou have
be truly causative in to add s e piss to it to
emphysema, etc., etc.” im rove the our?
Li t” c s are
roduced with
ea y car on ioxi e
added to the tobacco
which is then su erheated
nti it o s i e Rice
ubbl s. This m ans
t ills m r v lum than
e u ar to acco
HINAHA
MILLI N
M KER WH H FF
AWAY N1.7TRILLI N
I ARETTE AYEAR.
THAT’ AB TMILLI N
I ARETTE A MIN T
In enous peeps
in Peru would go
tr pp n on to acco
enemas. Warn n :
Z does not advise
t at ou s ove a pac
of Winnie Blues up our
um to et .
nti-smokin
a tivists i n’t
uc aroun in Moscow in
1634. The cit ’s patriarch
r sm rs w u
ave the skin fla ed off
t ir a s r t ir n stri s
s it. W ic is pro a
ore un than d ing o
t roat cancer, t e wa .
Worldwide,
approx mate
10 million ci arettes are
purc ase ever m nute.
That adds u to 15 billion
daily or more than five
tr on a ear.
Coincidentally that’s
out as many eers
s the average oot
team em t es er annum
 1133
ONEE OF THE CHEMICALS
CHEEMICALS
Five trillion
IN CIGS
CIGGS IS FORMALDEHYDE,
FORMALDEEHYDE,
8 cigarette filters
weigh approximately one WHICH
W IS USED AS A
billion kilograms, a unit
of weight known as the FLUID TO EMBALM
DEAD BODIES
Sandilands.

Nicotine’s a lethal
9 poison. There’s
enough in three cigarettes
to give you a fatal dose of
The widow of
o a lung
30mg, which can kill an 14 cancer victim was 23
In
n 2001, tobacco
company
coompany
to
obaccco
y Philip
Philip
i
adult if taken in liquid
awarded US$30 billion Morris drew
dreew up a report
rep
eporrt
form. When smoking,
in punitive damages by for
f r the Czech
fo Czecch government
gove
vernnmentt
though, only 1mg is
a Florida jury against RJ stating
st that ssmoking
moking was
ng wa as
ingested, with the rest
Reynolds in July 2014. cost-effective
co
ost-effectiv because
ve beca ausse
burning into the air.
premature
preemature dedeaths
eaths wwould
ou uld
d
A discarded cigarette
15 filter can take between
mean
me ean fewer people
state
peeople using
care
statte health ca are or
usiing
g

18 months and 10 years to housing

houssing for the elderly,
e elderlly,
decompose. So next time saving
savinng $188m in n one
you see someone flicking year alone.
their butt down the drain,
flick them down after it, too. Attention n all
Mobyy sick: ambergris,
g , or
24 diabetics
diabetics: about
s: abouut
whale spew,
p , is one of many y 20 per
peer cent of a cigarette
cigare ettte
Nine kilos of additives found in ciggies
10 eggplant contains
is sugar.
sug
durry
gar. So having
haviing a
y is kinda like
ke setting
lik setttin
ng
as much nicotine as one fire to
o some fair
fairy floss,
ry flosss,
cigarette, but they’re inhaling
inhalling and gegetting
etting
a lot harder to light up. cancer
canc cer as a result.
resuult.

Elizabethan spy/
11 adventurer Sir Smokers spend an
Walter Raleigh brought 19 average of 18 days a 2255
pipe smoking to England year on smoke breaks, but
— and he smoked a bowl
of tobacco as a final
16
Whale vomit
get paid the same as non-
smokers. So write to your MP TOBACCO KILLS
request before being
beheaded in 1618 for
is used in the
manufacture of
and tell him or her that non-
smokers deserve an extra 18 ONE PERSON
EVERY EIGHT
treason. What an idiot. cigarettes. That’s right days of holiday a year.
His last request should’ve — when you light up,

SECONDS
been an iron collar. you’re inhaling Moby Here’s another
Dick’s chunder. 20 good reason to quit::
nicotine withdrawals make
mak
ake
The Geneva
17 Convention’s
time seem to pass slowe
slower.
er. In
other words, your weekends
weeekends
international rules on the will seem like they go for
treatment of prisoners of three or four days..
war require tobacco to
be made available to The first o
owner
wner of the
prisoners. Surely beer 21 Marlbo
Marlboro
oro Company y Hacking cough? Lungs
12 would be more died of lung
ng cancer. So did
did like pincushions full of
humane.
A PACK-A-DAY SMOKER the first “Marlboro
“M Man”.
Mann”. tar? Sounds like you
should head over to
SHOULD EXPECT TO LOSE 18
Nicotine is the
2222
Smoking to tobacco
obacco iCanQuit.com.au
OCK
THINKSTOCKK

tobacco plant’s
TOC

was thought
thou ught to
TWO TEETH EVERY
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defence system against

PICTURES: THINKS

cure syphili
syphilis
is in mid-16th
mid-1
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ges
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We
We wonder
ed ou
won
out…
…
onderr

 INTHEZOO.COM.AU 49

The man who can
DESTROY Floyd
Mayweather Jr
Gennady “GGG” Golovkin is boxing’s reigning KO
machine, and he wants to do what Pacquiao couldn’t…
G
’day, Gennady.
Pommy fighter
Martin Murray
gave you the
longest fight of your career.
Is he the hardest man you’ve
ever shared a ring with?
Martin is a big guy and a strong
guy, but it was like a practice
fight for me. It felt good after
four rounds. I controlled the
fight. I needed time for
practice so my coach, Abel
Sanchez, asked me not to
knock Murray down.
“Floyd’s style is
different to mine …
I prefer a real fight”
What else do you need
to practice against?
I want to fight a southpaw
because I want to show
everybody that I can beat
any style. A strong guy, a tall
guy, a short guy, anybody …
I remember a lot of fighters
like Saul Alvarez and Miguel
Cotto have had problems
with southpaws. Why
not test myself?
Lots of people think you’re
the only man who could beat
50  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
ZOO
PLUS: SAM KASI
Floyd Mayweather. So is it your top priority to GET THE APP!
Could that fight happen? clean up the middleweight
It’s my dream fight. Floyd is a division before looking at
great champion. He’s a smart the big-money catchweight
guy and he moves a lot. It’s a fights around you?
little bit different to my style: Yes. Right now my focus
I prefer a big show with a lot is on 160 pounds [72.5kg,
of drama and a real fight. the middleweight limit].
You’ve got a cult following Absolutely, I hope for a big
among Mexican fans. Do fight with Miguel Cotto,
you model yourself on because he has the WBC
Mexican fighters? title and of course I want
There are a lot of great a unification fight with
Mexican champions. I can Andy Lee, who is
remember Julio Cesar Chavez WBO champion. NT
90.9 PER CEATE!
KNOCKOUT R
having a big fight every
other month. I like the style,
because he’ll fight anybody
at any time. I know I might only
have four years left, but I’m
ready for six or seven fights
a year. I’m ready for anybody!
Do you feel you’re the only
middleweight who’ll take
on all comers?
Yes. I want to fight to unify
the titles. For me, it’s very
important who’s the No.1
middleweight in the world.
 THE FIVE MEN
EVERYONE WANTS
TO SEE GGG BOX
FLOYD
MAYWEATHER JR
Record: 48-0
WBC, WBO & WBA
welterweight champion
GGG says: “This is my dream
fight and I’d absolutely move
down in weight for it. It’s not lots
of weight to lose. I walk around
at 167 pounds [75.7kg] and
came into my last fight at 158
pounds [71.6kg; the welter
limit is 66.67kg]. Look at me:
I’m not big and I don’t need
to be heavy to be strong.”
MIGUEL COTTO
Record: 39-4
WBC middleweight champion
GGG says: “My goal right now
is to fight him. He is a big name
and has a good record. Right
now he’s the WBC belt holder
and I have the interim WBC
belt. I hope this will happen
at some point as it’s a good
fight for both of us.”
ANDRE WARD
RECORD: 27-0
SUPER MIDDLEWEIGHT
GGG says: “I respect him. He’s
a great champion, but fighting
at middleweight is my priority.
I want a pay-per-view fight
and a bout with Andre is
not pay-per-view. It’s not
a unification fight so maybe
this is a fight for the future.”
SAUL ALVAREZ
Record: 44-1-1
Light middleweight
GGG says: “Saul is young and
a very strong guy. Maybe I need
time for this big fight. It would be
a big pay-per view fight for the
fans and probably the biggest
fight out there for me. I respect
Canelo [Alvarez’s nickname,
“Cinnamon”] but right now
he needs to come up to the
middleweight division.”
JULIO CESAR
CHAVEZ JR
Record: 48-2-1
Super middleweight
GGG says: “Julio Cesar Chavez
is my favourite Mexican fighter
PICTURES: GETTY IMAGES
and I loved the fact he’d fight
anybody, any time. But his son
has a big mouth and is a load of
talk. He’s not the right fight for
me now, so I’m not interested.”
 INTHEZOO.COM.AU 51
 I call this the
“wedding
tackle”

GET THE APP!

THE
Bulldogs prop Sam Kasiano is the largest unit ever
play rugby league, giving him the right to ra give
interviews. But he broke his rule for this one…

W
hen you
came on the
scene, one
of the stats
guys pointed out you were
the largest human to play
rugby league at the top level.
One to tell the grandkids?
Oh yeah, you know, they’ll
find out eventually, I guess.
I didn’t even know about it
until someone brought it
up one day.
It’s quite a stat, though…
One hundred per cent!
Eh, that’s alright.
Must make it hard to get
clothes that fit.
Very tough. Most of the shops
you go into, most of the sizes
only go up to extra large.
Which is clearly not extra
enough. We understand
that’s why you’re now an
ambassador for the new
bigger man’s clothing
brand Johnny Bigg...
Yeah, Johnny Bigg has big
sizes for us bi bo s
so we can dre s u like the
pretty boys d now. I like
wearing their jeans an ress
shirts, for whe ou’re going
out places. An especia
shoes. I used t have to o
and buy these ugl shoes
all the time be
got size 14 fee and
nothing fit me
And you did a
modelling ca pa n
for the brand ith

52  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
team-mate Frank
Pritchard. Did you get
the “Blue Steel” out?
That was my first time
doing something like that…
it was a bit of a laugh but
also a good experience.
They were telling us how
to pose but we were just
laughing at each other all
the way through it.
Who are the fashion plates
at the Dogs?
Josh Reynolds and Trent
Hodkinson probably think
they’re the best dressed
at the club. But it’s not
just them anymore.
We’ve caught up
junk food and are back in the
120s — it must take an awful
lot of veggies to fill you up?
Ohhh man, I’m so jealous of
the boys eating Macca’s and
stuff, eh. The fitness trainer’s
always teasing me, “Hey Sam,
the Subway’s over there…”
These days I wake up and
I just have cereal for breakfast,
a couple of sandwiches for
lunch, and a steak and a lot
of veggies for dinner.
Does everyone want to talk
to you about your recent
flying try-saving tackle in the
Samoa v Tonga test match?
What were you doing out
on the wing, anyway?

“I love to annoy
Des Hasler. He
always says,
‘We’re going to
have a fight’”
with Johnny Bigg…
When it comes to fashion,
who’s got no idea at the
Bulldogs?
Curtis Rona. Another big
boy. The boys give it to
him for what he wears
some of the time.
When you came on the
scene you weighed in at
133kg at one stage but
now u’ve cut out t e
All the Samoans are loving it,
eh. I have no idea, I just saw no
fullback at the back covering
and thought, “Oh my gosh”,
but I didn’t think I was going
to make it. I just tried my
best and it paid off.
You were eligible to play
for Queensland in Origin at
one stage — is that all over
now you’ve played for NZ
an m oin to ave a fight.” He’s
That’s all inished man.
I ust support Queens an
ow. Fran ie Pritc ar as
lways got something lined
up on Ori in ni t so we’ o
to a restaurant or somet
nd wat h it.
ur a D ss
Hasler is either ver
softl spoken or
s ’s
Sam (left) and team-
mate Frank Pritchard
are super-sized models
for Johnny Bigg
screaming at everyone at the of the pranks?
top of his lungs. Is there an Trent Hodkinson. Because
in-between Dessie? of his rubbish haircut.
At training I always like to How are the Bulldogs
play around a bit with Dessie. travelling?
I love to scare him every now We’re not too worried yet,
and again. I just sometimes we’ve got some players
annoy him and he always says coming back... we’ll be
to me, “We’re going to have a sweet in the end, mate.
fi ht soon, you and me, we’re
o , e loves it.
He was oing bananas in the
KING
chan e om at halftime KASIANO
ur a ecent match…
We’d let in a couple of
ri in the first half…
e wasn’ happy.
Forwards just have a rest
at the sc um these days.
Do ou ss the contest?
It’s alri t [to have a
breather] but I kind of miss
t e s ng a bit, eh, a bit
a ntest for the ball.
Who’s ur funniest
am-m e? AGE: 24
Frankie itchard’s always HEIGHT: 196cm
PICTURES: GETTY IMAGES

o ing ar und and playing WEIGHT: 122kg

pran s o the boys. I like
to la t em too. There’s
too m ny to recall.
Wh s the target of most
ACHIEVEMENTS: Six Tests
for New Zealand, 2012-13;
one Test for Samoa; Bulldogs
Rookie of the Year, 2011; Dally
M Prop of the Year, 2012

 INTHEZOO.COM.AU 53
 ZOO
IN THE
ZOO
WITH
ZOO SPEAKS TO SINGE R MAT T YOUNG AND BASSIST WAYN E “SLAT TS” SLAT
SLEEPING WITH PANTE R A’S PHIL ANSE LMO AND GOLD LOGIE WINN ER DENIS
G ’day, Matt. Was it
a spin-out hanging
at Phil’s house and
having him produce
your album?
Absolutely. I remember being
a 14-year-old kid and meeting
him at the Melbourne airport.
It was the day before they
played that first show in
Melbourne at Festival Hall and
I was probably about 13 or 14,
and I’ve still got the photos. I
actually showed them to Phil
and I was like, “That’s me and
you when I was 14”, and he wass
like, “F**k, Jesus Christ!”
Did he pass on any vocal tips?
He definitely helped me a lot,
54  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
e
m
o
E
man. He’s a master lyricist and
a master vocalist. He’s just gott
one of those amazing voices.
Even when he talks it just
ssounds f**kin’ cool.
WWere you tempted to ask him
tto do some guest vocals?
m
WWell… ah… we didn’t really
wwant to push the friendship
— he was there to produce the
rrecord. But his voice could be
oon there a couple of times… I’ll
ssee if you can pick it out or not..
II’m not giving too much away.
HHow did you convince Phil
tto get in bed with Slatts for
tthe Like a Rat video?
? Mate,
M we wrote the script and
I sent it to the boys and said,
I found your
Fleshlight,
Slatts!
TERY ABOU T
E DRY DALE
d “
“Look, I dunno whether or not
we should send this to Phil…”
w
But after a couple of days we
B
tthought, “F**k it, let’s send it
tto him.” And then he read it
and said, “When do we start
a
ff**king shooting it?”
He
H should be an actor...
He’s
H forging his little acting
career,
c
that!
t
bits
people
p
that’s
t
don’t you worry about
He’s been in a few little
b and pieces. He’s got
knocking on the door,
for sure. But we’ve just
What a bloody legend!
W gotta
g stop touring to let him
Is that his real bedroom? do
d that, but that doesn’t look
e That’s one of the many rooms
T like
li it’s going to happen.
in Phil Anselmo’s house. He’s Do
D people grab your junk
got a pretty rad house, man.
g when
w you’re crowd surfing?
Were Slatts’ lines at the start
W They
T certainly have. I try not to
of your classic Shit on the
o look
lo down too much because
Liver video scripted?
L I don’t really want to know if
NotN at all, man. Straight off the it’s
it a dude or a chick. It’s just
cuff.
c Slatts is a creepy, freaky, like,
li “Well, that’s happening
clever
c dude. We love him, right
r now… I’ve just kind of
man.
m He’s awesome. gotta
g run with that.”
 GET THE APP!
“I GO T MY FIRST BONE R OV ER DE NISE
DRYSDA LE FROM HE Y HE Y IT’S SATURDAY
WH EN I WAS 12 Y EA RS OL D” — SLAT TS
H
owdy, Slatts.
During your Five
Minutes Alone in
bed with Phil, was
it a Vulgar Display
of Power and was he left
screaming “I’m Broken”?
[Laughs] Can I just say
I totally agree with everything
you just said and I’m gonna
send that to Phil.
Was the F**king Hostile?
[Laughs] It was — on both
sides of the camp. I couldn’t
Walk for weeks!
Are women throwing
themselves at you now
you’re a YouTube sensation?
Throwin’ ‘emselves off
a f**kin’ bridge, more like it.
Look, I didn’t pick up a guitar
because I like music, mate,
and my looks probably leave
a lot to be desired, so I’ll do
anything to have women
throwing themselves at me.
You stayed in an
environmentally friendly
house with Denise “Ding
Dong” Drysdale for a week. Is
there any truth to the rumourr
SLAT TS (LEF T) AND PANT ER A’S
PHIL ANSE LMO IN THE VIDE O FOR
KING PARROT’S LIKE A R AT
tthat you actually increased W you be exploring that
Will ppersonal hygiene and really
y your energy output once character any further?
c llook after their hair. You know,
tthe lights went out? We were approached by a
W tthey’re using Pert every day. If
[[Laughs] We were the ones guy who runs a production
g tthey’re not getting into it, I like
keeping the lights on! You just
k company and he wanted to
c tto say, “Are you saving your
ttap into the bedroom and it explore the idea of doing
e hhair for the main band?” And
keeps going all night!
k a web series, which I’m not tthe wonderful smell that rises
So you put the “dong”
S averse to. I’ve been offered
a wwhen people are moshing is
into
i “Ding Dong”? other weird shit as a result
o ggreat [laughs]. We also pay
She’s amazing. I think I got
S of that. I got offered the role
o people
p out because of their
my first boner over Denise
m of Ned Kelly in the latest
o T-shirts.
T We’re like, “C’mon, Mr
when I was 12 years old. Then
w Australia Day lamb ad.
A Eyehategod!
E If you’re really
ffast forward to when I’m 35 Unfortunately I was overseas
U a metalhead, come in the
and I’m living with her.
a when they filmed it.
w pit
p and have a crack!”
Did you tell her that story?
D Now Hollywood is
N Do
D they ever spit it and
Probably. We did get drunk…
P practically banging down
p try
t to fight you guys?
What are the origins of your
W your door, could you see
y Not
N me personally, thank
? character at the start of Shit
c yourself replacing the aging
y f**k,
f because I’m pretty
oon the Liver? Arnie as The Terminator?
A weak.
w There’s definitely
TThat character actually came [[Laughs] Absolutely, mate, been
b moments when people
ffrom living with a couple of bbut I’d take it in the direction have
h arced up at Youngy —
ggirls who were long-term oof a blue movie called The especially
e because he puts
ffriends. And one night I just PPenetrator. “I’ll come again!” himself
h out in the crowd.
pput that voice on and said, WWhat’s some of the funniest He’s
H been glassed and shit like
““Run up to your bedroom and d sstuff you’ve said on stage? that
t … It doesn’t happen a lot
pput your jammies on.” And I like paying metalheads out considering
c the amount of
tthey were like, “Don’t f**king aabout the way their hair shit
s we throw at people.
eever speak like that again!” ssmells, ’cos it’s real nice.
AAnd I was like, “Okay, that’s MMetalheads don’t stink — Dead Set out now.
s hhappening every night ppunks and rockers smell, TTouring nationally
ffrom now on.” bbut metalheads have great tthrough May/June
 INTHEZOO.COM.AU 55
ZOO

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 ZOO gets your insane photos every week, now with the new
viewa app we can show videos as well! If you’ve got a classic
vid of you or a mate getting a tatt, taking a stack or doing
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Mate getting on it, no f**ks given.
Anon, via text

SCENE OF THE CRIME

Never, ever pass out early.
Anon, via text

MONKEY BUSINESS
M
My little monkey by ASTEL PREDATOR
Joel Van Goor. Hello, watercolour wolf!
H
Anon, via text Anon, via text

OPTICAL ILLUSION
It’s a bald-headed custard chucker!
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VES
DRY LEA esh
fr
Autumn tree r. TTOO
ROSE TA a skull
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 INTHEZOO.COM.AU 57
 HOLY SHEET!
“A sheet of glass
fell on my arm. It
the nerve, tendon cut
and bicep, but
missed the tatt,
luckily!”
JAMIE, PORT M
ACQUARIE, NS
W

DECK HEAD
Came off my
skateboard.
Anon, via text

OPEN WIDE SLIP ’N’ SLICE

My gash from a work accident. Had a slip-up at work.
Anon, via text Anon,viatext

DOOR JAM
Copped a car door
FIGHT CLUB on my motorbike! PUNCH DRUNK
So, I lost my fight last night. Dale, via text Got this in a drunken fight!
Anon,viatext Anon, via text

58  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
 ZOO
ZOO KEEPERS
Published by the
Bauer Media Group
Level 12, 54 Park Street, Sydney, NSW 2000
Email: zoo@bauer-media.com.au

Editor Shayne Bugden 02 9288 9675

Managing Editor Gav Britton 02 8116 9357
Editorial Coordinator Carmen Winch 02 8114 9437

ART
Head of Design Gavin Cook 02 9288 9663
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Some people can be real arseholes. Someone had a good night.
Anon, via text Anon, via text PICTURES
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PRODUCTION
Production Controller Giovanna Javelosa
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ADVERTISING
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MARKETING
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BAUER MEDIA
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and Custom Publishing Deborah Thomas
She’s a rebel without a pause. Public transport, eh? Is it a brothel or a clothes store? Group Circulation Manager Paul Weaving
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Syndication Inquiries Sydney Greg Allen-Waters
(gallen-waters@bauer-media.com.au)
WA Advertising: Vikki Stacy 08 9207 1500
Commercial Manager – Specialist Division Christy Trollip

ZOO INTERNATIONAL
International Director Simon Greves
Head of International Content Anouska Christy
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For ZOO Syndication queries Ryan Chambers
ryan.chambers@bauermedia.co.uk

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ISSN: 1833-3222
ZOO is published in Australia by Bauer Media Action Sports
Pty Limited, part of the Bauer Media Group, ACN 079 430
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 INTHEZOO.COM.AU 59
 T

POKER
FACE
Good news: heavily
stacked UK hottie
and PokerTube host
Natasha Sandhu
didn’t learn any tips
on the job, and sucks
at playing strip poker.

60  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
 BOTTLE
BLONDE
Plastic water bottles
are bad for the
environment. If only
Marissa Everhart
pressed every bottle
against her boobs —
then no bloke would
ever throw them out!

COOLING
OFF
Sizzling Sarah from
Eastbourne, UK, has
a booty so smoking
hot she has to
regularly douse it
with cool water to
prevent spontaneous
combustion.

WEEKEND
AT BURNEY’S
We’d risk copping
some serious splinters
to spend the weekend
rolling around on the
wooden floorboards
in our undies with
British mega-babe
Francesca Burney.

TO SEE MORE
STUNNING BABES, GO TO
INTHEZOO.COM.AU PICTURES: KELLY’S GLAMOUR MODELS, SNAPPER MEDIA

 INSTAGRAM.COM/ZOOWEEKLYDIGITAL 61

THE
DESTINY EXPANSION II:
SHOOTER HOUSE OF WOLVES
PS4, XB1, PS3, XB360
THE GIST: This first-person
space shooter by the dudes
who made Halo is back with
enough new downloadable
content to make your ISP cry.
Shoot rockets back and forth
in three new 3v3 competitive
events, or try waves of aliens
in three-player co-op arenas.
ACTION TAKEN 3
[MA15+]
THE GIST: Bryan Mills’ (Liam
Neeson) unbelievably bad run
of luck continues, this time
being framed for the murder
of his ex-wife. On the run from
the cops, he must use his
lanky, aging frame to beat
up much tougher and able-
62  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
LAUG
7/ 1 0
It also features more loot,
a level increase, a new strike
mission and story missions.
ZOO SAYS: Remains a fairly
average shooter, but it’s an
addictive meet-and-greet
spot for online gamers. The
size and new story missions
make it a worthy expansion.
BLU-RAY
5/10
bodied bad guys to clear his
name, avenge his ex-wife and
save his up-the-duff daughter.
ZOO SAYS: Has its moments,
but following on from the
equally average Taken 2,
it’s a reminder that not all
sequels are a good idea.
TRUE CRIME/
DRAMA
FOXCATCHER
[M]
THE GIST: A rich old fart
(Steve Carell) lures champion
wrestler Mark Schultz
(Channing Tatum) out to his
ranch so he can coach him and
a team of wrestlers before the
1988 Seoul Olympics. He soon
f**ks with Schultz’s head,
GAMES
RPG
STATE OF
7
DECAY
XB1, PC
THE GIST: This Year One
Survival Edition redraws the
aging, open-world zombie
survival horror game in
1080p and bundles it with
more undead-smashing
content. It includes the
remastered original game,
plus a new character,
mission type, vehicle,
unlockable heroes
and weapon boosts.
ZOO SAYS: There’s no
shortage of zombie games
out there, but surviving on
short supplies is fun, even if it
does look visually outdated.
8/10
leading him down a
destructive path that also
snares his bro (Mark Ruffalo).
ZOO SAYS: Slow, dark,
intense and well-acted, this
tragic true story will make you
think twice about accepting
money from creepy old men.
 FILM ZOO

Oh yeah.
How?
I can tell
you’re scared to
fight me
Er... your
turtle head is
poking out

COMEDY ENTOURAGE
[MA15+]
THE GIST: Vince (Adrian
Grenier) is making his
directorial debut on a film
that’s already over budget,
which makes Ari Gold (Jeremy
Piven) crack the shits because
he’s financing it with help from
a rich Texan father (Billy Bob
Thornton) and his meddling
son (Haley Joel Osment).
8
Turtle (Jerry Ferrara) is trying
to date Ronda Rousey, E’s
(Kevin Connolly) ex-girlfriend
is preggers and Drama (Kevin
Dillon) has sex-tape troubles.
ZOO SAYS: It’s got everything
fans of the show would want:
hot chicks, heaps of cameos,
massive parties, cool tunes
and classic Ari outbursts.

TV
Sorry, you
seemed much
prettier last
night DON’T
MISS THIS
WEEK

ROMANTIC
COMEDY
ALOHA
[CTC] 6/10 REDESIGN MY BRAIN 2
ABC, THURSDAY JUNE 4, 8.30PM

THE GIST: Brian Gilcrest (Bradley
Cooper) is a military contractor
overseeing the launch of a weapons
satellite in Hawaii. He falls for his
assigned Air Force watchdog
(Emma Stone), but shit gets
complicated when he reconnects
with an old flame (Rachel McAdams).
ZOO SAYS: Writer/director
Cameron Crowe is the king of cheese
— remember the barf-inducing “You
complete me” from Jerry Maguire?
— and lays it on thick in this rom-com
featuring an all-star cast (Bill Murray,
Alec Baldwin and Danny McBride
have support roles). Date night only.
A couple of years back, Todd
Sampson’s science show
demonstrated how our brains
can be trained to achieve almost
anything. It won the AACTA
Documentary of the Year award
and is back for another three-part
series. In this episode, Todd gets
expert help to sharpen his senses
so he can compete in a safe-
cracking competition. In next
week’s finale, he has to face fear
and step onto a 3cm wire 21
storeys above central Sydney.

 INSTAGRAM.COM/ZOOWEEKLYDIGITAL 63
 ZOO MUSIC ALT-ROCK

MUSE
DRONES

SOUNDS LIKE:
After fooling
around with dubstep
/10
6
and other electro
elements, the UK prog-rock
trio attempt to strip things
back a bit on their seventh
album. Instead of self-
producing, Robert John
Lange of AC/DC fame steps in
to help take Matt Bellamy and
co back to their rock roots.
Catch us at ZOO SAYS: The album starts
Dubbo RSL off strongly with Dead Inside
next Tuesday and the stomping Psycho,
night!
but the metaphor comparing
war’s lack of empathy and
accountablilty to love soon
wears thin, as do the by-
the-numbers rock riffs, which
sound uninspired compared
to UK newcomers Royal
Blood. Epic 10-minute finale
The Globalist is a saving grace.

HIP-HOP A$AP ROCKY

AT. LONG. LAST. A$AP 8/10 HIP-HOP SETH SENTRY
STRANGE NEW PAST 9/10
SOUNDS LIKE: SOUNDS LIKE: The
Rocky’s third darling of Triple J
album features tries to shy away
collabs with MIA, from novelty
Mos Def, Kanye, Lil songs about
Wayne and even Rod bloody waitresses and hoverboards
Stewart! L$D is one weird trip. with this new, more mature effort.
ZOO SAYS: Not a game-changer like ZOO SAYS: Clever lyrics, awesome
Lamar’s newie, but another slick set Aussie flow and some seriously
from the best of the A$AP Mob. smooth, jazzy beats. Top stuff.

FLORENCE +
INDIE ROCK THE MACHINE
HOW BIG HOW BLUE HOW BEAUTIFUL
SOUNDS LIKE: After having a bit
of a meltdown and subsequent
hiatus from recording, the fiery
Florence Welch is back with her
third album. The four-year
absence seems to have lit a spark
within this redhead, as tracks like
Delilah, Ship to Wreck and What
Kind of Man are bursting with her
8
trademark soaring
vocals. Elsewhere,
ELECTRONIC JAMIE XX
IN COLOUR
booming brass SOUNDS LIKE: The 26-year-old Brit
sections add behind The xx’s beats steps out for
flare. ZOO SAYS: his first solo album after making his
While we don’t like to encourage mark as an acclaimed remixer.
rangas, Welch is proof they can Kicking off with the rad Gosh, the
achieve good... as long as they’re 11 tracks mix vibrance — the upbeat
heard and not seen. Loud Places and I Know There’s
Gonna Be Good Times, which an
7/ 1 0
Auto-Tuned Young Thug pops up
on with lines like “gonna ride in that
pussy like a stroller” — with dark
instrumentals and streetscapes.
ZOO SAYS: Like The xx if they
traded in guitars for decks — Romy
and Oliver sing on three tracks —
but Jamie shines most on his own.

64  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
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satisfying, fresh and potent this mix has been used for for its spiritual effects. You its rich history and for your
product. Tastes great and is centuries as a ceremonial will understand why this smoking pleasure. It has a
one of the top herbal blends blend. Sweet smelling and is our best selling product great aroma that can send
in the world ! super relaxing. ! the moment you taste it. you to heaven !
5g RM005 $30.00 5g BL005 $30.00 5g HC005 $30.00 5g JG005 $30.00
10g RM006 $50.00 10g BL006 $50.00 10g HC006 $50.00 10g JG006 $50.00

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You must be over 18 to order these products. Credit card fraud is a crime. We report all credit card fraud to the police. Please allow up to ten (10) working days to receive your order. Testimonials are indicative only. Our products are 100%
legal, natural herbs and botanicals and are all tobacco/nicotine free. This product does not represent that it will, nor is it intended, to mimic or reproduce the effects of any illegal drug. As with most products of this kind the effects can vary
greatly between individuals. None of our herbs are intended to be a substitute for any medicine or drug, legal or otherwise. We provide information only about traditional uses of these herbs. If these products are ingested or consumed
as a tea they are herbal food products. If you choose to smoke these herbs you do so at your own risk as any form of smoke inhalation may be harmful. You should never operate machinery or vehicles unless both hands are on the wheel.
We make no claims with regards to the products offered here. Our products do not contain tobacco or nicotine. All herbal smokes are acceptable tobacco alternatives. All Rights Reserved.
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 ZOO
 A pine tree planted in
2004 in memory of dead
Beatle George Harrison died
after being infested with
actual beetles
 The three deadliest drugs
in Australia — tobacco,
alcohol and opioid
painkillers — are all legal
 Shakespeare made up the
name “Jessica” for his play
The Merchant of Venice

 Marijuana’s
potency has
soared by 25
per cent in the
last 30 years

 A secret CIA program in

the 1960s named “Acoustic
Kitty” planned to implant
6 THING
S microphones and antennae
TO SAY inside cats that lived in the
DOWN Kremlin, thereby avoiding
THE PUB detection
ABOUT.. Three of the dead were
. found in the parking  The three wealthiest
lot, four in front of the families in the world control
building and one behind more assets than the 48
a neighbouring restaurant poorest countries combined
 If swimmer Michael Phelps
Police recovered
5 over 100 weapons,
were a country, he’d rank
number 35 on the all-time
including brass knuckles,
Olympic gold medal list,
guns, knives and clubs, and
ahead of 97 nations
arrested three bikers as
they arrived, tooled up for
WACO BIKIE BRAWL revenge. They said they
were shot at by the feuding
All you need to know about the vicious Texas biff bikies and returned fire.
that left 18 injured, 170 arrested and nine dead... It’s not known how many
Picture the scene: Waco PD Sergeant deaths police caused
1 hundreds of bikers 3 Swanton told reporters
from five gangs (including trouble flared in the bathroom Police revealed
the Bandidos, Cossacks at 12.15pm, as well as outside 6 they’d asked the
and Scimitars) meet at the over a parking space, leading franchise owner not to
Waco, Texas, branch of to “a fistfight that turned into host a bike event — there
titty bar Twin Peaks a knife fight that immediately had been seven prior —
turned into a gunfight” but he’d refused, which he
Outside Twin Peaks denies. His franchise has
2 is a marked SWAT In the following been closed down. The  The eyes of Star
truck in full view, with 18 4 shitfight, nine 170 bikers face 511 pages Wars droid C-3PO
uniformed officers who Bandidos and Cossacks of affidavits and charges, were made of real
had heard whispers of were shot dead, 18 bikers and $1m bail each. Police gold to prevent
possible violence injured and 170 arrested. received death threats them corroding

68  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ
 The
HexHog
an off-ro is
wheelch ad RICHEST AUSSIE
features air that POSTCODES
chassis, a flexible
wh 1 2027, $177,514 av. income

all six which keeps NSW (Darling Point,

contact eels in
Edgecliff, Point Piper)

with 2 3761, VIC $148,967

ground the (St Andrews)

3 2023, NSW $143,112
Shit... I’m (Bellevue Hill)
bogged
4 6011, WA $142,504
(Cottesloe, Peppermint Grove)
5 3142, VIC $142,000
(Hawksburn, Toorak)
6 2030, NSW $139,099
(Dover Heights, Vaucluse,
Watsons Bay)
7 3944, VIC $138,800
(Portsea)
8 2088, NSW $137,647
(Mosman, Spit Junction)
9 2110, NSW $132,557
(Hunters Hill, Woolwich)
10 2063, NSW $130,801
(Northbridge)

Source: ATO

 The velociraptor screech

from Jurassic Park was a
recording of tortoises
having sex

 Russians play a modern  The furthest objects

version of Russian roulette,
using Tasers instead of guns.
It’s called “perm”
 Some US schools are
introducing desks with
pedals in order to keep
restless children occupied
 If the sun were the size of
a white blood cell, the Milky
Way Galaxy would be the
size of the United States
 For every human on Earth
there are 1.6 million ants
we can see in space are
47 billion light years away
 Koalas sleep for an average
of 22 hours a day. They need
this time to digest their food
 The Apollo 11 astronauts
were quarantined for 21 days  Retired New
 You’d lose 50 per when they returned from York subway cars
space in 1969
cent of your grip are dumped in the
strength if you had  There are more possible Atlantic Ocean to
your little finger different iterations in a game make artificial
amputated of chess than there are atoms reefs for fish
in the entire universe

1 2 3 4 5

10
TOP

Armenian* Barbadian American Colombian English

5971 votes 4036 3402 2741 2006

6 7 8 9 10
SEXIEST
WOMEN BY
NATIONALITY
Source: MissTravel.com Australian Brazilian Filipino Bulgarian Lebanese
*Possibly explained by Kim Kardashian 1040 992 651 429 323
having Armenian heritage

 INTHEZOO.COM.AU 69
 ZOO

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TWENTY
1600kmh Number of attacks each day worldwide using bombs

SEVENTY
Speed of a projectile as it explodes from an improvised explosive device (IED)

Number of elite bomb-disposal experts around the world

ONE
billion: dollar amount the US military
has spent in the last decade on EVERY
36 HOURS
protective clothing and armoured
vehicles to counter the IED threat I’ve got to stop
using so much
lighter fluid on
Frequency of amputations on

40kg
the barbie
US troops at the height of the
Afghanistan War, mostly
due to explosives

Average weight of a bomb

protection suit

$70K
Basic salary of a bomb-disposal expert

400 Proportion of deaths and injuries in

the US military attributed to bombs
PICTURES: GETTY IMAGES, PICTURE MEDIA, AAP

per cent
Rise in number of IEDs used in
Afghanistan between 2007 and 2010
250,000 Estimated unexploded World War Two
bombs still dormant in Germany

70  FACEBOOK.COM/ZOOWEEKLYOZ Pub Ammo “Guess Who?” answer from page 66: Cameron Crowe
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 “That
which does
not kill me
makes me
feel like a
beer” – Friedrich Nietzsche

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