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Robert Padmore

Ms. Whitney

AP Language Composition

12/9/2019

My Trip to Venus

It would be an understatement to say that my junior year of high school packed my

schedule with homework. With it comes constant work and studying, wherever and whenever

possible. Being in this constant state of extreme focus wherever you are is difficult, and to keep

myself from becoming distracted, I had turned to music. Music would get my foot slowly

tapping on the floor as it slipped my brain into a thought coma. I could work for hours on end

listening to my favorite artists, typing notes along to their melodies. But I had come upon an

unexpected flaw in routine: I became bored of my near 8 hour playlist. And so, in a state of

despair, I began searching; looking for new or old music from every corner of Spotify to study

with.

In my efforts, I stumbled upon a playlist called “Venus”. It was a playlist I created

throughout my entire freshman year of high school. It had a jaw dropping 9 hours and 4 minutes

of music across 144 songs. So upon getting home to study one night, I sat down, turned up my

speaker, and hit play. The next two hours became a wild ride. I remember thinking Ew! I used to

listen to this, along with a whole lot of Wow. I forgot about this song. And while it provided me

with drive and enthusiasm while I worked, it did something more. The songs brought back

memories. Every few songs would make me flash back to a moment in my life from that year.

“Venus” took me on an emotional roller coaster. I remembered to love I felt, the joy I once had,

the friends I made, along with the sad, dark, and lonely eternities I went through. And while I
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could remember the moments that each song brought back, I could feel the emotions that ran

around in my head as well. These songs were simply bystanders to my life that were just now

appearing as familiar faces. As listened, a few songs struck me. The memories that accompanied

them were so vivid and real, it was hard to believe that I had forgotten them.

One of the earlier songs on the playlist is called “The Ways” by Khalid and Swae Lee

from the Black Panther movie album. It’s a quick, sweet track with a smooth rhythm and relaxed

feel. When the album released, this track stood out to me because of its calm aura. I caught

myself singing along as Khalid sang,

“Somethin' in the way you move, radiant beams castin' vibrant views

Pick me up when I fall down and out, dust me off and show me all truth

Show me that I'll never fly alone; I fucked up so many times, but I still have you

Show me how you do it like that. Carryin' a brother is not easy on your back”

The song came out in February, but I remember moving to the top of the playlist because

I loved it so much at the time. I loved it and the Winter season that came with it. That year in

particular, I spent all of my weekends a practice in Virginia for my ski team. I would listen to it

with my team as we spent hours on the hill. I would listen to it at school during the week as I

walked between classes, laughing with my friends. I brought me back to a place I loved and

missed so much; memories that felt so lighthearted and innocent. The thing about “The Ways” is

that its melody fades into a peaceful loop that makes you happier, and I could feel that happening

in both the past and the present all at once.

Later on, I came across J. Cole’s “Kevin’s Heart.” Listening to it was hard. For me, it

brought back something I had moved on from. But I felt it hit my body. I made me crumble and

repent. J. Cole sings,

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“All in your mind with fears that would come true

The back of my mind, the back of my mind was you

Wishing that I could blind myself from view

And only have eyes, and only have eyes for you”

That year I had fallen in love. And I know, it’s silly for me to say that. “How could you

feel like that as a freshman?” you would ask. Maybe I hadn’t “fallen in love,” but I will tell you,

I’ve never felt that way before. And I still haven't. I spent months thinking about this one person.

I couldn't stop, because this song would come up in playlist, and I couldn’t not think about her.

We would talk together, laugh together, and smile at each other all day it seemed. But when the

time came, she hesitated. She told me that she wasn’t ready to date, and I respected that. I was let

down, but I respected her. And so I went about my business, feeling stupind for a while. But then

two weeks later, I found out that she started dating another guy we knew. That did it for me. I

packed up all the betrayal I felt, and left it with this song.

When “Bleach” by Brockhampton entered my rotation, I had just started crew. Crew felt

isolating. Actually, everything felt isolating. I didn’t know a lot of people; there weren't many

freshmen on the team. My schedule was so full I had no time lift for myself, and somehow I let

myself be okay with that. The hour long bus rides to and from the river were lonely. And at that

time in my life, I felt closed off. When I began to listen to this unpopular, undiscovered boyband,

I started to admire their unique sounds and personal lyrics they included. In a way, I felt

comforted by their music. “Bleach” stood out the most to me. It’s a four and a half minute song

that conveys a multitude of emotions. The great thing about Brockhampton is that their groups

includes about 10 different singers and rappers, each with their own problems and expressive

means. Merlyn Wood beings the verses with his high pitched, quirky singing. Ameer Vann
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follows with harsh, callous bars. And Dom McLennon’s expressive and personal style, ends the

songs asking you:

“They said “Do you make mistakes or do you make a change

Or do you draw the line for when it's better days?”

You taste the wind for when it's cold enough to kill our flame

I wonder who's to blame”

This song in particular cheered me up from a dark place. It made me question how I was

spending my time, how I was living my life and made me want to be more outgoing. It lead me

into that summer, where that playlist ended. I spent my time with friends, enjoying myself, and I

restarted with a new playlist: “Jupiter.”

Much has changed since those days, except for one thing: my music. I find myself

listening to music all the time, wherever I go. And with it comes more memories, good and bad.

I remember one day last year, I sat with my friends at the dinner table and we talked about how

songs made us feel. “Nights” by Frank Ocean was agreed upon as a late-night coping

mechanism, while “Wake Up” by Travis Scott was unanimously determined the best, feel good

song of our time. I then began to realize how music affects us all.

I began to understand how we cope with things. I, along with a lot of people, find comfort

through music. And more often than not, we associate music with experiences. Listening to

“Venus” while I did my work gave me an epiphany. I hadn't realized how much I’d changed

from just two years ago. It put my life into perspective. I now know that I am only on a path that

will take me anywhere. And sometime in the future, I will gain a sort of wisdom from the

melodies that followed me. These songs represent more than just instruments and artists: they are

who I am.