एक दिन लालू जी की पत्नी ने कहा, कुछ ऐसा कहो न कि मैं खश

ु हो जाऊं और गुस्सा भी आ जाए।

लालू: तम
ु मेरी ज़िन्दगी हो। और...

पत्नी: और???

लालू: और, लानत है ऐसी ज़िन्दगी पर।

राबड़ी- एक अच्छा सा शीशा लाइए, जिसमें मुझे मेरा मुंह दिखाई दे ।

लालू बाजार से काफी दे र बाद लौटे ...
लालू- मैंने सारे जगह ढूंढ लिया, सभी शीशे में मेरा ही मुंह दिखाई दे ता है ।

लालू अपने हाथ पर ईंट से मार रहे थे।

राबड़ी- आप अपने हाथ पर चोट क्यों पहुंचा रहे हैं जी?
लालू- तो क्या करूं? डेटॉल की नई शीशी फूट गई है । ऐसे कैसे बरबाद होने दं !ू

Laloo ka driver
Rating:

Laloo Yadav's car is driving along a back country road on the way back
to Patna , when all of a sudden a piglet jumps out in front of the car. The piglet dies on
the spot. Laloo, upset, tells the chauffeur to go find the owner of the piglet so that he can
pay the damages.
The driver is gone for two hours and when he comes back, he has a bag full of money,
and a wondering look on his face. Laloo wants to know what happened.
The driver tells him "Hum jab gaanv me pahuncha to dekha kuchh log ped ke niche
baithe hain. Jub hum unko bataya ki kya hua hai, tab sare log jama ho gaye. Humko laga
ki aaj to hamari pitayee hogee. Par hum dekha ki sare log paisa jama kar rahe hain.
Hum socha ki ye sara piasa wo janvar ke malik ke liye hai. Par un logo ne saara paisa
hamein de diya." Laloo says "Sasoor ka natee, Theek theek batao. Tum unko kya bola
tha?" The driver replies "Hum kaha ki hum Laloo Yadav ka driver hoon aur hum sooar
ka bachcha ko maar diya hoon."
Laloo and his drink
Rating:

At a bar in Las Vegas, the man to Laloo's left tells the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER,
SINGLE."
And the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE."
The bartender approaches Laloo and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?"
Laloo replies: "LALOO YADAV, MARRIED”

English lessons for Laloo

Rating:

Bill Clinton decided to 'teach' Laloo English, so he invited him over to the US. Laloo
arrives in full grandeur.
Bill announces to the nation that they should not be disturbed during the tuition. Inside
the White House, they are locked up in a room, and Bill starts teaching Laloo English.
Days pass by and weeks pass by, but there is no sign of them coming out. The whole
country and its economy have come to a standstill, and press, news reporters from all
over the world are waiting outside eagerly to find the outcome.
At last one day, the door opens, and out comes Laloo - beaming his resplendent white
smile, looking cool and unruffled.
However, Bill looks totally dazed, his clothes are torn, his hair is completely ruffled, and
he has scratch marks all over his face.
The shocked reporters ask Bill, "What happened Mr. Clinton?"
Bill replies : "Ee babua hamar kuch bhi naahi sunat hai !"

Laloo ka photograph
Rating:

After having resigned as the CM of Bihar, Laloo decides to go modelling. On one

occasion, he enters a herd of buffaloes and resting his elbows on the back of the cattle he
poses for the photo. Next day the photo appears on the front page of a newspaper.

GUESS THE CAPTION !!

Laloo, third from left!

Laloo's conversation with God

Rating:

Saddam Hussain approached God and asked him "When will peace return to my country ? ".
God answered " You can never see peace in your country during your life time". Saddam
wept bitterly and walked away.
Next Musharraf approached God " When can I see a united Pakistan (with Kashmir) ?". God
said, " You can never annex Kashmir during your life time." Sherrif wept bitterly and walked
away.

Now our Laloo Prasad Yadav approached God "When will Bihar become a civilized state ?".
God wept bitterly and said " I can never see that happening even during MY life time".

Laloo's deal with Nawaz

Rating:

Laloo becomes PM and goes to Pakistan for a one-on-one with Nawaz Sharif. They decide to
meet without aides and are closeted for about 5 minutes.
Then Nawaz Sharif comes out and drops a bombshell - Pakistan has decided to give up all
claims on Kashmir, with no strings attached! The world is stunned. Laloo has achieved in 5
minutes what others had failed to in 50 years! How did you do it, what did you promise, the
press clamours. "Sab Akai TV - waalon ka kamaal hai," says Laloo. "Woh kehte hain na, TV
loge tho fridge free milega, video khareedein to cellphone free milega... tho ham bhi
Nawazbhai se keh diye: "Aapko Kashmir chaahiye na? Le jaayie. Magar saath mein Bihar
free milega, bass!"

The smartest of them all

Rating:

Laloo, Jayalalitha, and Mayavati are on a long flight in an Air Force plane. Laloo pulls out a
100 Rupee note and says, "I'm going to throw this Rs.100 note out and make someone down
below happy." Jayalalitha, not wanting to be outdone, says, "If that was my 100 Rupee note,
I would split it into two Rs.50 notes, throw them down and make two people down below
happy."
Of course Mayavati doesn't want these two candidates to outdo her so she pips in, 'I would
instead take one hundred Rs.1 notes and throw them out to make 100 dalits just a little
happier."
At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comes
out and says, "If I throw all three of you out of this plane and I'll make all the one billion
people happy!"

Time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas.

Rating:
Once Laloo wanted to know the time difference between Bihar and Las Vegas. So he
called up the Tourist department and asked them "Ji could you tell me the time difference
between Patna and Las Begas...".
The man at the other end replies "One second sir..." and Laloo immediately replies
"thank you" and puts the phone down.

One morning, while shaving, Laloo started cursing and swearing

so loudly it attracted the attention of his wife Rabri, who was preparing
aaloo ka parantha in the kitchen. "Kaa hooi gavaa?" she called out. "Mera oostara – oo
to kaatatha hi nahin!" he answered.
 
"Arrey, Satthiya gaye hain ka?" she declared. "Aap kaa kehete ho, aapki daadhi tarpoline
se bhi kadi hai kaa? Maine subah hi to usase tarpoline kata tha!"

Laloo was sitting with his ministers examining mail .

Suddenly Laloo cried out : ' Look at this letter! It is addressed to
the stupidest man in Bihar '. His minister tried to calm him by saying :
' How dare a man address such a letter to you ? '. However Laloo wondered :
' This does not bother me, but how could the postman deliver it at the right address?’

Laloo’s family planning policy.. "Don't have more than two children in one year"

Laloo goes to an Udipi hotel to have something to eat.

He orders for Masala Dosa.The waiter promptly gets him the dish but is surprised to see
that Laloo eats only the masala leaving the dosa behind.

Laloo then orders for 1 plate Samosa. this time the waiter notices that Laloo eats only the
filling and not the shell. Waiter is very curious.
Laloo next orders for Batata Vada.This time around also Laloo eats only the filling and
leaves the shell behind.

Waiter loosing his patience walks upto him and asks,"Sirji, aap har dish ke under ka hi
kyon khaa rahe hain, kya baki cheez pasand nahi..?" Laloo says, "Arre bhaiyya, aisi baat
nahi. Hamaari tabiyat kuch teekh nahi. Isliye daactar ne kaha ki baahar ka cheez mat
khaya karo..."

Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.
A few days later he got this reply:

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad, You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further
correspondence. No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks. Bill Gates.

Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply. He arranged a party and when all
the guests had come, he said: "Bhaiyon aur Behno, aap ko jaan kar khushi hogee ki hum
ko Amereeca mein naukri mil gayee hai."

Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "Ab main aap sab ko apnaa
appointment Letter padkar sunaongaa ? par letter angreeze main hai - isliyen saath-
saath Hindimain translate bhee karoonga.

Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- Pyare Laloo prasad bhaiyya

You do not meet ----- aap to miltay hee naheen ho

our requirement ----- humko to zaroorat hai

Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- ab Letter vetter bhej ne ka kaouno
zaroorat nahee.

No phone call ----- phoonwa ka bhee zaroorat nahee hai

shall be entertained ----- bahut khaatir kee jayegi.

Thanks ----- aapkaa bahut bahut dhanyavad.

Bill Gates. ---- tohar Bilva.