Do you have to be a lesbian to be a feminist?

Author(s): marilyn frye

Source: Off Our Backs, Vol. 20, No. 8 (aug/sept 1990), pp. 21-23
Published by: off our backs, inc.
Stable URL: http://www.jstor.org/stable/20833163
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 _ commentary

Do have to be a
you

lesbian to be a feminist?
The following is a speech given byMarilyn Fry e at theNational Women's Studies Association
conferenceforum on Theories of Sexuality

When I was invited to speak at this Women's Studies hear thisquestion.My her doctor and her therapist.A woman
(And it should be added thatcircumstances
session, I understood that itwas meant to classroom is a situationwhich brings the reports thather friendsrefer to herWom often conspire to suggest towomen of
be a time and space for single-minded connection between feminism and les en's Studies Class as her "lesbian class": color thatonly white women are lesbians).
attention to lesbian voices for thepurpose, bianism to one's attention. I am a lesbian, I several other women For examples: Students registerwith the
say some of their
at least in part, of signalling and faciliating am "out" to my Women's Studies friends do that too.
students, WS advisory committee thecomplaint that
a renewed with the problems and I expose them to a great of won
engagement deal The message of these exchanges is their courses are not radical
enough, and a
of heterosexism us and in our derful and strong feminist thinkingby
clearly thata woman who is a feministor
among
key facultymember surmises that the
scholarship, programs and institutional feminist thinkingby feministsof many does anythingor betrays any attitudeor studentswho are dissatisfied are lesbian.
projects. I was amazed when I read in the cultures and locales who are lesbians. In desire which is de facto feminist is a les The dissatisfied students,few ofwhom
brochure that this session the classrom, this question our ar
identifyas lesbian, pick up on this
pre-conference signals bian.
was titled "Theories of Sexuality". I am rival at a point where newcomers to femi
more amazed by thedescription of this response, and thosewho are not lesbians
nism are beginning to grasp thatsexual learn that theyare out of step, living a
forum in theprogram book.* acts, sexual desire, and sexual dread and craving radical analysis contradiction,because theywant their
I thinkthis titleand descriptionsmust be taboo are profoundlypolitical and thatfe But anti-feminists and misogynists are
radicalness and rebellion nurturedand they
some kind of code. Hetersexuals have a minist politics is as much about thedispo not theonly people who suggest to new
are not lesbians. They are being told thata
sexuality only when thereare obvious sition of bodies, themanipulation of desire feminists that theycan't be feminists
without being lesbians.Many heterosexual strongand angry feminism thatwill settle
lesbians around, whose presence sexualizes and arousal, and thebonds of intimacyand fornothing but going to the root of the
everyone present: so if theword sexuality loyaltyas it is about gender stereotypes, feminists, includingmany of their Women's matter to lesbians.
belongs
shows up, you can infer that there are les economic opportunityand legal rights. Studies teachers, suggest this to them in
Another example: Studentswho have
bians on the scene. By a similar logic, you This question introduces thephase where many ways. taken a course taughtby a lesbian feminist
could have assumed that theplenary we are going to startcoming to termswith Students who are exposed to the
session which was titled "Theories of well-known data on bring ideas from it to anotherWomen's
the fact that thepolitical is personal, very wife-battering, street
Studies course and those ideas are denigra
Race" in the pre-conference brochure on rape and
personal. But what goes in my class is acquaintance rape, pornography, ted by that teacher,who identifiesthemas
would not consist of colorless women child sexual assault, incestand other
clearly not theonly thing thatgives rise ideas only a lesbian separatistwould
and violence and to any deep
abstractly race-neutrally theorizing this question. against women, consider. But those students have con
about Race, butwould be staffedby and acute
feminist analysis of the patriar
sidered those ideas and found them inter
women of color and will be aboutwhatever chal structures of marriage,
esting, even compelling, and have found
reproduction
they ehoose to say to thisNWSA anti-feminist accusations and mothering
?
students who are ex
themselves empowered just by thinking
conference. Using such codes exercises One thing that leads students to ask this posed to feministanalysis of patriarchal about those ideas. They are being told
heterosexism and racism, and forces the question is that theyvery commonly run religions and of themythology promul these ideas belong to lesbians, and hetero
reader, the de-coder, to rely on intopeople who apparentlybelieve that if gated by popular culture in contemporary
? sexual women don't believe those thingsor
heterosexist and racist logics to interpret you are a feminist you must be a lesbian. societies students who understand even take them seriously.
the message. People who are not lesbian feminist something about women's paid and unpaid
The title seems to be meant to convey extremists. work in various modern economies and the
something rather different to a broader I usually ask women in my Women's
practices and institutions
which determine Not modelling disloyalty
public-the local academic community Studies classes if theyhave been called the accumulation and distributionofwealth Students sit in theclassrooms of hetero
and journalists.To them it is supposed to lesbians or dykes or been accused of being ?
students who have some idea of the sexual teachers (and sometimes lesbian
indicate thatwe do (unavoidably) address lesbian, and almost always a majority of
scope and intent of historical conspiracies teachers-who are as
pasing heterosexuals)
matters concerning sex, but we do so in the them say they have. One woman was women such as the Inquisition, and who in theirown livesmodel conformityto
against
safest, most un-sensational, most called a lesbianwhen she rejected the erasure of women from history,and the manmade norms of femininityin
most hygenic way ? of a man in a bar; another was
professional, we attentions
post-WWII propaganda campaign in the appearance, voice, gestures and politics,
abstract it frombodies and acts and we called "butch"when she opened and held U.S. to convert women workers into who in every way to be normal
? appear
value-neutralize it hence the word thedoor for a male friend;anotherwas ?
acceptable patriarchalwomen who do not
housewife-consumers such students
"sexuality"which is abstract and sounds asked if shewas a lesbianwhen she chal catch on thatwhat we are dealing with alienate men, with husband and children
value-neutral. And the title indicates that lenged
a man's sexist description of another here is profound, that itgoes to the rootof 'and a workable amount of male approval,
we will not actually talk about sexuality, woman. A woman told a man that she did civilization and society and is etched into who pamper and can be bullied bymale
but about theoriesof sexuality.While the notwant to have sex with him and he the deepest sources of our own students in their classes.
thoughts For some stu
former might be just the slightest bit...uh., called her a lesbian. A young woman told and passions. it that any ade
They get dents, their entire exposure to heterosexual
the latter can only be, of course hermother thatshe was going to quate response to this is going to require women teachers is exposure to teachers
"damp"..,
purely academic and dry as dust. Washington for thebig pro-choice march; radical analysis, radical strategies and radi who do not model, approve, or encourage
Convinced by the title that this session will hermother, disapproving and fearing for cal imagination,and thatrebellionwill be any radical insubordination,any disloyalty
be unutterablyboring and ladylike, that her daughter's safety, said: "Oh, so now
dangerous and
costly. The Women's Stud tomen and theirprojects, any blasphemy
largerpublic will pay itno attentionat all, you're going to go off and become a les ies curriculum? to its credit? helps againstmen and theirgods. In general, the
"
we can get away with indecentacts right bian." A woman who divorced her hus them appreciate the character and magn- the women students have of
experience
under theirnoses, and NWSA and local
seeing these thingsmodeled, of hearing the
organizerswill not have to explain why violences of men againstwomen
lesbianswere given thisplatformand
unqualifiedly named, of hearingwitty
legitimation. mockery of men's arrogances is provided
Avoiding public association with
lesbians and lesbianism is an example of Heterosexual Women's Studies by lesbians
Heterosexual
?
both teachers
Women's Studies
and students.
teachers to
heterosexism. In this case
sence of understandingofwhy lesbians and
it betrays an ab
teachers to a great extent leave the a great extent leave thewhole task of
radical" to lesbians, leave the
"being
lesbianism are central to the liberationof
women and why theNWSA has a Lesbian
whole task of "being radical" to burden, the hopefulness and the excitement
of pushing the limit to lesbians. They
Caucus. It expresses fear of being
associated with lesbians or lesbianism, and
lesbians leave rage and ecstasy
Another example: Women's Studies
to lesbians.

finally,fear of being a lesbian. studentsplan and stage a candle-light vigil

Iwill directly provoke and address those to express their concern about violence
fears here. I am going to speak quite women.
against They give announcements
plainly, out of impatience and out of my band and lives on her own is gossiped itudeof theproblems; they then look to it to all theWomen's Studies faculty,to be
own peculiar and slightlyperverse about in a way thatspreads the suggestion and to us for resources for responding to read in theWS classes. The turnoutis
optimism. thatshe is a lesbian. A woman says she is them
?
small. from a woman
intellectual, spiritual, artistic, relatively Apart
Every term inmy feminismclasses, a frequentlyassumed to be a lesbian because emotional, political resources. But when from theProvost's officewho is an invited
time comes when heterosexual women of her atheletic build and refusal towear theyexpress thisneed theyoften are told, speaker, all of thewomen facultyand
studentsarticulate thequestion: Do you skirts. A woman who does not either implicitlyor explicitly, thatonly administrators show
experience who up are lesbians.
have to be a lesbian to be a feminist? I sexual arousal or orgasm with her husband lesbians crave radical analysis and radical The message is not lost on the students.
don't know how much other teachersof is quizzed about her lesbian tendencies solutions and thatonly lesbians offer these.
by continued on next page

off our backs/aug/sept 1990/page 21

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comentary

Do have to be a lesbian to be a feminist? continued

you
?
Again, theheterosexual women have left it relation and encounter courtship, sexual female heterosexuality to the satisfactionof that itsconstruction is determinedand
to the lesbians tomodel even mildest kind liaisons, fucking,marriage, prostitution, some man, he may cynically abuse her made inevitable by thenature of civiliza
of militancy. and normative family, incestand child necessary and real political loyalty to the tion, or the nature of language.
sexual assault. It is on this terrainof group, bullying her into linewith theargu Female heterosexuality is not a bio
heterosexual connection thatgirls and ment thather noncompliance or rebellion logical drive or an individualwoman's
defined by non-compliance women are habituated to abuse, insultand
There is thegerm of something that against thenorms of femininityis erotic attraction or attachment to another

degradation, thatgirls are reduced to disloyalty to her race or her community. human animal which happens to be male.
might be called a theoryof women's sexu women ?
to wives, to whores, to mis Lesbian feministshave noted that if the Female is a concrete
heterosexuality
ality latent in the receptions these new tresses, to sex slaves, to clerical workers institutionof female heterosexuality iswhat historical reality? a set of social institu
feministsget both fromnon-feminists and and textileworkers, to themothers of makes girls intowomen and is central to tions and practices defined and regulated
frommany feminists in theacademy. This men's children. The secondary sites of the the continuous replicationof patriarchy, by patriarchal kinship systems,by both
theory connects women's to
or
sexuality
inscriptionof subordination on thebodies then women's abandonment of that institu civil and religious law, and by strenuously
with norms
compliance non-compliance of women are the sites of theritual prepar tion recommends itself as one strategy enforcedmores and deeply entrenched
of femininityand participation in practices ations of girls and women forheterosexual (perhaps among others) in theproject of values and taboos. Those definitions, regu
and institutionsdefinitive of present-day intercourse, relations or attachments. I
dismantling patriarchal structures.And if lations, values and taboos are about male
patriarchal social orders. According to this refer to training in proper deportmentand heterosexual encounters, relations and fraternityand theoppression and exploita
theory,a woman who adheres to patriarchal attire and decoration, all ofwhich is train connections are the sites of the inscription tion of women. They are not about human
femininenorms in act and attitudeand who
ing in and habituation to bodily restriction of thepatriarchal imperativeson thebodies warmth, fun, pleasure, deep knowledge
does not challenge or rebel against and distortion; I refer to diets and exercise of women, itmakes sense to abandon those between people. If any of the latterarise
institutions is heterosexual. A and beauty regimenswhich habituate the
patriarchal
woman who does not complywith femin individual to deprivation and punishment
ine norms or who challenges or rebels and to fear and suspicion of her body and
against patriarchal institutionsis a lesbian. itswisdom; to clitoridectomyand other
The differencebetween theexplicit
on the part of
formsand sorts of physical and spiritual These Virgins who connect with men...
mutilation; all ofwhich have no cultural or
accusations of lesbianism
non- or anti-feminists and the implicit
association of feminist radicalnesswith
economic purpose or function ifgirls and are not capable of being reduced to
women do not have to be readied forhus
conformity by dread or anxiety about
lesbianism thatoccurs inmany academic bands and male lovers, pimps, johns, and
contexts is only a difference in thedegree bosses.
and kind of non-compliance it takes to
earn the status of lesbian. Feminists are, by things lesbian
definition, to some degree non-compliant glueing women tomen
with thepatriarchal norms of femininity Without (heterosexual abuse, (hetero)
and rebellious against patriarchal institu sexual harassment and the (hetero)sexuali sites. And if female heterosexuality is within the boundaries of these institutions
tions; so by this theory,feministsare to zation of every aspect of females bodies central to the way sexism and racism are and practices, it is because warmth, fun,
some degree lesbian. Itwould follow that and behaviors, there would not be patriar knit together in strange paradoxical sym and are among
pleasure acknowledgement
other forms or materi itmakes sense that non-participa the thingshumans are naturally capable of,
those who are very feminist, uncom achy, and whatever biosis,
alizations of oppression might exist, they tion in that institutioncould be part of a
promisingly feminist,extremely feminist, not because heterosexuality is natura^r is
radically feminist,must BE lesbians, flat would not have the shapes, boundaries and strategyforweakening both racism and naturallya site of such benefits.
out. dynamics of the racism, nationalism and so patriarchy.
This theorywas firstarticulated in the on thatwe are now familiarwith. The Women speaking in other-than-lesbian
feministvoices have responded by saying
contemporary language as a "theoryof meanings of female heterosexualityare
thatwithdrawal from participation in the living,willful refusal
sexuality" precisely in theera when, many, and itdoes not play the same politi
cal role in all social and cultural locales. insitutionof female heterosexuality is only So, is itpossible to be a feministwithout
historically, sexualities were invented.And being a lesbian? My inclination is to say
not accidently thiswas a timeof extreme But inmost locales itglues each adult a personal solution and only available to a
thatfeminism,which is thoroughly
reaction feminism. "Feminine sex woman to one or more men of her caste, few; it is not a political, not a systematic
against
strategy. I think,on thecontrary,that it anti-patriarchal, is not compatiblewith
uality" (=female heterosexuality) and class, race, nation, or tribe, making her a
female heterosexuality, which is thor
female "inversion" were loyal supporterofwhatever politic those can be a systematic strategy, because fe
oughly patriarchal. But I anticipate the
(=lesbianism)
defined from the outset in termsof female men adhere to though she has littleor no male heterosexuality is constructed. If
following reply:
compliance and rebellion, i.e., in terms of part in shaping or defining thatpolitic, women take the construction of ourselves
"To suppose that all relation, connection,
feminism and in reaction against feminism. regardless of whether thatpolitic is liber and the institutionsand practices that
or encounter of any passionate or erotic or
This theoryof a connection between atory or oppressive, and of govern us into our own hands, we can
genital sort or involvingany sortof
regardless
feminism and lesbianism is notmerely an whether it is liberatoryforwomen. In the construct something else.
a woman
personal commitment between
ad hoc fiction inventedby patriarchal particular
cases of dominating races and
and a man must belong to thispatriarchal
to serve as an excuse to reject and female
loyalists classes, heterosexuality
females in racial and/orclass solidarity to
joins
ahistorical horrors institution called "female heterosexuality",
vilify feminism and feminists.An intrinsic ...
Any defense of female heterosexualityas that itmust be suffocated by this rubric
connection between feminism and les dominatingmales and offers for their inevitable seems tome to be (shudder) to suppose that it is to suppose we are all
bianism is just a historically specificmani
ahistorical and (horrors) essentialist. But totallyformedby history,social institutions
festation of an ancient and intrinsic
letme put thepoint anotherway, lest I lose and language. That is a kind of hopeless
connection between patriarchal/fraternal themembers of the audience who have determinismwhich is politically fatal and
social order and female heterosexuality. own here as
become bored with those dreadful accusa contradicted by your presence
a lesbian."
tions, or who don't know this jargon.
I agree that I cannot embrace
key mechanism
Commitment to the naturalness or any

I believe thatall feminist theoryand ^ inevitabilityof female heterosexuality is absolute historical, social determinism.

commitment to thepower relationswhich The feminist lesbians' permanentproject of

practice ultimately conveys one to this and our passions and
that the central constitutive are expressed and maintained by the defining ourselves
proposition: our communities is a livingwillful refusal
and the key mechanism the of ^ institutionsof female heterosexuality in
dynamic But the free space of
b cultures around the world, of such determinism.
global phenomenon of male domination, patriarchal
it is actively,
People who have power maintain that only when
c creation exists
oppression and exploitation of females, is ^
near-universal female heterosexuality. All power partlyby using thatpower tomake
?
aggressively, courageously, persistently
its own historical conditions ahistorical Patriarchal histories and cultures
of the institutionsand practiceswhich occupied.
constitute and materialize thisdomination that is theymake theprerequisites of their mitigate against such space constantly,by
compliance thebribe of a share of the into "givens." naturalize them. coercion, by bribery,by punishmentand by
(and simultaneously organize male's lives power They
in relation to each other) eitherpresuppose benefits theirmen extortfrom other A vital part of making generalized male shaping the imagination.What I am saying
or Female heterosexuality, whether dominance as close to inevitable as a is that ifyou would have committedor
almost-universal female heterosexuality groups. ?
literallysexual or not, is profoundly human construction can be is the naturali occasional female/male connections
manufacture, regulate and enforce female

heterosexuality, or both. implicated in the racism ofwhite women in zation of female heterosexuality. Men erotic,reproductive,
?
home-making, part
our present time and places; thedisloyalty have been creating ideologies and political nership, friendship which are not
For females to be subordinated and sub
to the civilization of white men which which female hetero defined culture's insti
jugated tomales on a global scale, and for practices naturalize by your patriarchal

males to organize themselves and each Adrienne Rich recommended towhite sexuality continuously in every culture tutionsof female heterosexuality, thenyou
other as theydo, billions of female women is not possible without disloyalty to since thedawns of thepatriarchies. Both have to create thepossibility of that. I am
individuals, virtually all who see lifeon themen with whom one is bonded by the Freud and Lacan are naturalizers of female saying thatas I see it thatpossibility does
to a more institutionof heterosexuality. And it heterosexuality. They say thatfemale not exist in patriarchal historyand culture.
this planet, must be reduced
If itdid itwould not be patriarchal.
or-less willing tolerationof subordination happens also among racial or ethnic heterosexuality is constructed,but they
and servitude tomen. The primary sites of groups which are oppressed thatwhen a rescue themselves from this apparent Following up on a tip fromSarah
this reduction are the sites of heterosexual woman is not complyingwith thenorms of disloyalty tomanhood by going on to say Hoagland many years ago, I argued inmy

page 22/aug/sept 1990/off our backs

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essay "To Be And Be Seen" that thereare themselvesmen and people with vaginas friendshipswith women. Their imagina women have hoped thatyou do have to be
no lesbians in the universe of patriarchy. are made women. tion and theirpolitics are shapedmore a lesbian to be a real, extreme, trouble
A similar and more generic point is useful These Virgins who connectMrh men fundamentallyby a desire to empower making feminist,because then since they
here. don't try tomaintain the fictions that the women and create friendship and solidarity are not lesbians and would never in the
men they favor are better men than other women than by a commitment to world become an ex
among lesbians, they have
men. When theyare threatenedby people appease, comfort or change men. cuse for not thinkingor acting
radically
Virgins, outlaws who feel threatenedby them, theydo not These Virgins who connectwith men do feministand not alienatingmen. Much of
The word "virgin"did not originally point to theirconnectionswith men as not feel that theycould be themselvesand what passes for fear of lesbianism, you see,
mean a woman whose vagina was un
soothing proof thatthey really aren'tman be in closets; they are "out" as loose and
touched by any penis, but a freewoman, haters. They don't avail themselvesof noncompliant females, a very noticeable
one not betrothed, not married, not bound male protection.They do not pressure their phenomenon on the social and political
to, not possessed by any man. It meant a
daughters or their students to relate to men scene. They make themselves visible,
femalewho is sexually and hence socially theways theydo so theycan feel validated audible and tangible to each other, they
her own person. In any universe of pat by the otherwomen's choices. They never make community and sisterhoodwith each
riarchy, there are no Virgins in this sense, consider bringing any man with them to other and with lesbianVirgins, and they
and hence, Virgins must be unspeakable any feministgathering that is not specifi support each other in theirwildness. They
outlaws, outcasts, thinkable only as cally meant to includemen, and theyhelp frolic and make trouble together.They
negations, their existence impossible. to create and to defend (and theyenjoy) create ways to have homes and warmth and
Radically feminist lesbians have claimed, women-only spaces. with or with
companionship and intensity
and have been inventingways of living These Virgins who connect with men are out a man included. They create value and
out, positive Virginity, in creative defiance notmanipulable by orchestrationsof male they create meaning, so when the pressures
of patriarchal definitionsof the real, the approval and disapproval, orchestrationsof to conform to patriarchal female hetero
meaningful. The question at hand may be men's and children's needs, real or fake, sexuality
are great, they have a context and
herstorical: Will anyone, can anyone or avoidable. are not of resistance to sustain them
necessary They community
manage to, invent and construct modes of
capable of being reduced to conformityby and to engage their creative energies in is really fear ofmen ? fear ofwhat men
livingVirginitywhich includewomen's dread or anxiety about things lesbian, and devising new solutions to theproblems might do to non-compliant females. But I
maintaining erotic, economic, home are unafraid of theirown passions forother conformitypretends to solve. They create am loathe to provide that excuse.
making, partneringconnectionswith men? Virgins, including thosewho are lesbians. music, novels, poetry, art, magazines and This ismy fantasy: A studentasks in
What must be imagined here is females They do not need to be respectable. newspapers, political actions and programs. class whether you have to be a lesbian to
who are
willing to engage in chosen con TTieseVirgins refuse to enter the And in their magazines and newspapers, be a real feminist,and I reply that lesbian
nections with males, who are wild females, institutionof marriage, and do not support theyarticulate their imagination, their or not, you have to be a heretic, a deviant,
undomesticated females, thoroughlydefiant or witness theweddings of theirfavorite cultural and political differences, their an undomesticated female, an impossible
of patriarchal female heterosexuality. Such various values; theyberate each other, they being. You have to be a Virgin... and (still
brothers. They are diehard resis
marriage
femaleswill be living lives as sexually, support each other, theypay attention to fantastically) I add... one place you can
tere. They come under enormous pressure
socially and politically deviant and impos tomarry, but theydo not give in to it. each other. find otherVirgins to play with and to learn
sible as the lives undertakenby radically They do not consider marriage a privilege. Virginity from is theWomen's Studies
feminist lesbians. I thinkI can imagine Not even thebribe of spousal health
some of what theywill be like if they insurance benefits lures them into marriage,
lesbian or not, you have to Program.
by marilyn frye
come intobeing. I can sketch a partial not even as they and their partners get be a deviant
picture of such females: older and become more anxious about their Are these beings possible? Can you This talkwas prepared for a plenary
They do not attire, and decorate them health and theirfinancial security. fuckwithout losing your virginity? I think session of thisyear's conferenceof the
selves in thegear which in theircultures These Virgins have strong, reliable, everything is against it,but it'snotmy call. National Women's Studies Association. As
signal female compliance with male creative, enduring, sustaining, ardent It's up to thosewho want to live it. Some usual, I want to thankmy loverCarolyn
defined femininityand which would form Shafer for help in collecting and
theirbodies to such compliance. They do
articulating these thoughts.As well as
giving me sound criticism thatenabled me
not make themselves "attractive" in the
conventional femininemodes of their to improve thework in various ways, she
cultures and so people who can ignore their
animal beauty say theyare ugly. They
Much of what passes for fear of composed one or two of the best sentences
and phrases.
maintain as much economic flexibilityas
lesbianism, you see, is really fear of
men - fear of what men might do to
* "Feminist
theypossibly can to ensure that theycan to thoughthas long recognized
revert to independence any time economic thedual nature of sexuality: both an
partnership is binding them to an alliance empowering pleasure and a site
females
dangerous
less than fullychosen. They would no
more have sex when they don't expect to
non-compliant ofpotential exploitation. Thispanel
explores recentfeminist scholarship that
enjoy it than theywould run naked in the extends our understandingof sexuality in
"
rainwhen theydon't expect to enjoy it. personal and political realms. Program
Their sexual interactions are not sites
of theNWSA TwelthAnnual Conference,
where people with penises make p.63

^^^^ / os* v^eu

^^^^^^^
off our backs/aug/sept 1990/page 23

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