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May 6, 2020

Ranjish hi sahi, dil hi dukhane ke liye aa

Aa phir se mujhe chhod ke jaane ke liye aa

Why do I feel like this? Will this ever be better? The ebb and flow of anxiety and apathy have me
drowning. Every act is a stride against tide. Every breath a rebellion against life. I don’t know what it
means to be normal. Is there ever any normal at all? Is this always going to be my normal? Chasing
meaning seems so insignificant at times, so does making an effort. My mind churns its fetid waters to
come up with negativity and procrastination. Medication doesn’t seem to be helping much. What do
I do?

Writing is supposed to help, supposed to give some clarity and yet I can’t find any. Projects which
seemed very interesting a few days ago, seem like chores now. The quest for satisfaction remains
unsatisfied.

I need help.

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