13 Tips For Being Charismatic That Are

Seriously Helpful

Share

ByCarolyn Steber

May 16 2017

Whether it's letting your personality shine through during an interview, or impressing someone
on a first date, it never hurts to turn up your charm and be more charismatic. Being the most
magnetic person in a room is a pretty handy skill that can win you friends, while scoring you all
sorts of life perks.  

If that sounds good, then you might be wondering what it means, exactly, to be charismatic.
"Think of the best salesperson you know, the person who is able to fit into any group and
situation, or the person who is so witty they are able to think of funny and profound things on the
fly," says psychologist Dr. Nikki Martinez. "This is charisma, this is intelligence, and this is a
quality that will take these people far in whatever area they choose to apply this skill."

Once you know how to work it, so to speak, charisma can be used during a job interview to win
over your potential boss. Or on a first date. Or when hanging out with friends — especially when
they need someone caring, empathetic (and fun) to hang out with. Read on for a few easy ways
to turn up your charm, so you can be all that and more.

1. Prioritize Self-Care

Before you can go off into the world inspiring and impressing people, you've got to lay the
groundwork by focusing on yourself. As spiritual life coach Tina "Kat" Courtney tells me, this
will require lots and lots of self-care. While that means different things to different people, it
might include exercising, getting lots of sleep, and eating well. Whatever makes you feel your
best.

2. Say "Hey" To People Throughout The Day

It's so tempting to trudge through life without looking up. And hey, sometimes that's all you can
do. But there's no denying the benefits of occasionally making eye contact, smiling, and greeting
people. "Over time, you will find more people will be drawn to you because you exude
happiness," intuitive Davida Rappaport tells Bustle. "That is magnetic. Happiness is
charismatic."

3. Pay Attention To Your Posture

Body language is everything when making a first impression (or second, or third). So don't forget
to pay attention to your posture. "If you are slumped into your body, that shows you are tired or
your self-esteem may be dipping," Rappaport says. While it may or may not be true, it never
hurts to give off an air of confidence by standing up straighter.

4. Be As Supportive As Possible

Trustworthy, supportive people are great to be around, so go ahead and work on being that kind
of gal. One way to start, as NYC-based relation therapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW tells me,
is by calling up friends to check on them. Ask how they are, listen, let them vent. I promise
they'll truly appreciate it.

5. Be Proud Of Your Accomplishments

Humbleness certainly has its place in life, but sometimes you just gotta proudly share your
accomplishments. "When you are at your best and someone acknowledges you, you will glow.
When you glow, people will feel it," Rappaport says. What could be better than that?

6. Focus On Your Best Qualities

While you're at it, go ahead and focus on your most charming qualities, too. "Take a moment and
write down all of the things that are wonderful and fantastic about you," Rappaport suggests.
"Keep those thoughts and memories with you." And you'll soon be one of those wonderfully
positive, magnetic people.
7. Try To Live In The Moment

I love staring into my phone just as much as anyone else. But sometimes you just gotta put it
down and start a (real) conversation. "The more sociable you are, the more people will enjoy
your presence," Rappaport says. "Put down your cell phone. Stop texting and sending emails
when you are with people. Engage with people." I assure you they'll appreciate getting your full,
undivided attention.

8. Work On Your Self-Esteem

This one is easier said than done, of course. But the more you work on your self-esteem, the
more charisma you'll project. "Charismatic people are really confident people — people
confident in their own skin," says NYC-based success strategist Carlota Zimmerman, JD, in an
email to Bustle. "People who are comfortable in their own skin tend to have more empathy, and
are usually more fun to be around."

9. Find What's Exciting In Everyday Situations

Charismatic people have a knack for finding the fun in any situation. "Think about the people
who make you feel alive," Zimmerman says. "More than likely [they're the people] who can turn
a trip to the grocery store into a fun adventure ... that's charisma. They're alive in the moment."

10. Practice Actually Listening To People

Whether you're meeting someone for the first time, or sitting down with an old friend for lunch,
make it a point to truly listen to what they have to say. As Rappaport tells me, people who do this
make those around them feel heard and understood. In a world where that rarely happens, this
skill will earn you al sorts of friends.

11. Remember To Make Eye Contact

Again with the eye contact, I know. But it really is so so important when it comes to projecting
that all-important confidence. "[It] all starts with looking someone directly in the eye when
speaking," says life coach Kali Rogers, founder of Blush Online Life Coaching. It really can be
what makes the difference between impressing someone, or not.

12. Ask Lots Of Questions

Whats one trait of likable people? They ask questions. Lots and lots of questions. "People love to
share their story, and they also deeply enjoy being listened to," Roger says. "While charismatic
people are typically thought of as gregarious characters, they also take the time to let someone
else shine while participating in the conversation."

13. Be Your Most Authentic Self

While it can be tempting to change yourself or tweak your personality in order to be liked, the
most likable thing you can do is just the opposite. "Every time you reject yourself, you kill your
inner charisma gene," Zimmerman says. So go ahead and be you.

They may take a lot of work at first, but these traits are all so charming it'll definitely be worth
the effort. While it's not important to be "on" 100 percnet of the time, knowing how to turn up
your charisma is something everyone should know how to do.

Images: Unsplash, Katie Treadway; Pexels (13)

17 Goals To Set For 2017

Rachael Tulipano | Goals Self Development | 0 Comments
Milestones are markers of self-growth. With each passing year, we set goals, achieve them, and
plan for new ones. Some goals may be repeats of the past, while others are entirely new
altogether. Truthfully, what matters most is that everyone, especially twenty-somethings, set
goals for the New Year.

Why is goal-setting such an important practice? At GenTwenty, we believe setting goals will
help you become your best self. Life is a constant cycle of self-growth. Year after year, our
skills, desires, values, and personalities further develop.  The older we get, the truer we are to
ourselves, because we learn that life is all what you make of it.

In short, goal-setting helps us shape ourselves.

Here are seventeen practical goals to set for 2017:

1. Track your daily diet. The time has come and gone when your parents can force you to eat your
green vegetables and drink the proper amount of water each day. Now, it’s all on you. Being an
adult means being responsible for taking good care of yourself. Eat a well-balanced diet. Even if
broccoli is your least favorite item on your dinner plate, force it down (or try another vegetable).
Keeping track of your diet means you’re taking care of your body healthily.

2. Exercise regularly.  Much like maintaining a balanced diet, exercise is equally important. You can
eat those brownies for dessert, but make sure you’re burning calories to offset the sweets.
Exercise is not only vital to managing weight control, it’s also extremely important for keeping
your bones strong, your muscles limber, and working your heart. Remember to exercise for at
least 30 minutes per day.

3. Drink more water.  Not only is water literally the healthiest beverage you can drink, but it’s also
extremely refreshing. The average recommendation is for women to consume nine cups and for
men to drink thirteen cups per day, but certainly adjust as needed. If you’re exercising, in hot
weather, or feeling especially thirsty, drink more. Water has proven to clear acne, suppress
hunger, hydrate skin, and many other benefits.

4. Attend your health appointments.  Don’t pass up your annual physical or bi-yearly dental exams
this year. Too many people assume they’re completely healthy and skip the appointments they
make. This year, force yourself to attend. Go to your Primary Care Physician and get feedback on
your overall health. Make sure you get your dental cleanings. Skipping out on early detection of
possible cavities or other health concerns could lead to greater problems later. This year, make
your health a priority.
5. Monitor your screen time.  These days, with technology as relevant and resourceful as it is, it’s
nearly impossible to get through the day without sitting in front of a screen. Try monitoring your
screen time this year. Pay attention to how long your spend in front of a computer or on your
phone each day. Track how many episodes you’ve binge-watched on Netflix. Too much screen
time isn’t good for anyone.

6. Read more.  Even if you don’t consider yourself a “reader,” read more this year. Start small, with
a goal like one book per month. That’s only twelve books in a year! Sign up for a free account
with Goodreads to set your reading goal to keep you on track and hold you accountable. It
doesn’t matter which genre or how many pages the book has, just read. Expand your horizons
by choosing content outside of your comfort zone. We can learn so much from literature and it’s
a completely different experience than reading on the Internet.

7. Communicate better.  Spend less time texting this year, and more time face-to-face. If you can’t
physically speak to friends and family who live afar, trying sending handwritten letters, Skyping,
or talking on the phone. Hearing another person’s voice and seeing them right in front of you is
so much more meaningful than a text full of acronyms and emojis.

8. Spend more time with others.  Too many of us turn down offers to go to the movies with friends
or visit our parents on the weekends. Make the effort. You shouldn’t revert to seeing family only
on the holidays. Family is family and friends are friends. These are the people we want and need
in our lives. Try to make plans at least once or twice per month with the people closest to you.
It’s healthy and necessary to create memories with people we love.

9. Plan and stick to your budget.  Each year is a fresh opportunity to save money. Assess your
monthly income and subtract your expenses. With your net leftover balance, try to save a set
percentage. Making sure your bills are paid on time and you’re saving money is a great way to
keep financially healthy. Consider researching different ways to cut down on your spending,
such as clipping coupons or using an app to track your funds, like Mint.

10. Revisit your retirement plan.  If you already have an established retirement plan, revisit it. Take
a look at the money you’ve been contributing so far. Can you afford to put more into your
retirement? If so, do it. Your future self will thank you. If you don’t have an established
retirement account, try researching the best options for you. If you have an employer, see what
they offer and how much they will match you.
11. Work hard.  Professionally speaking, work hard at your career. Even if you are not in your dream
job, work hard this year to generate positive experiences for your resume. Every job counts and
can polish your skills. Sometimes entry level jobs can teach you the most, as they are the
foundation of your professional experiences.

12. Do a “spend cleanse.”  Cleanse your home by only using the items you currently have in stock.
Try using up canned food in your cabinets and eating all the leftovers in your fridge. Try re-
watching old movies, rather than buying more new ones. Try to re-purpose the clothes in your
closet to create new fashion statements, instead of going shopping. These habits will teach you
the importance of managing spending and using up what you have.

13. Pay attention to your relationship status.  Are you in a committed relationship? If so, make sure
you’re doing your part to keep the love alive. Relationships are fun, but they’re work and require
both parties involved to make an effort. If you’re single, be sure to mingle! As silly as it sounds,
keeping up with going on dates really is special. Even if you are happily single, try to get out and
meet new people this year. It’s good for you.

14. Pace yourself.  Whatever is happening in your life, remember to pace yourself this year. Take
things in strides. Whether it’s something painful, like a divorce or a health concern, or
something happy, such as a pregnancy or wedding, be sure to be patient with yourself. There is
no reason to rush to make fast decisions without take care of your mental health. Pace yourself
to make sure you’re doing what’s best.

15. Learn to be your own best friend.  This year, get to know yourself better. What makes you
laugh? What music do you love most? When are you happiest? Think about how you can treat
yourself the way you want to be treated. If it’s as simple as treating yourself to a frozen yogurt
dessert once a week, do it. If it’s playing with puppies, do that too. Take care of yourself because
you are your own lifelong best friend.

16. Make time for your hobbies.  If you love to write, write. If you like to paint, paint. Sometimes life
gets so busy that instead of spending time enjoying our hobbies, we end up sacrificing them for
other things. Don’t let this happen! Your hobbies are a part of who you are. Make time for them
just as much as you would for working, chores, etc. It’s critical to enjoy your favorite pastimes.
 17. Do more of what makes you happy.  Whether it’s ice skating, sewing, writing, taking photos, or
playing chess, do more of that makes you happy. Life is short and it’s best not to waste too
much time on the parts that make you suffer. Happiness should be the goal in life as a whole, so
filling your time with the things that make you smile really is important.

2017 is a blank slate; a fresh start; a new beginning. Take this opportunity to set new goals and
make them lifestyle habits.

Eventually, you’ll adjust to these changes and they’ll become part of your every day life. Things
like eating well, exercising, drinking water, and working hard should all be part of your norm.
Don’t slack off because adulthood seems daunting. It’s more daunting not to know if you could
be keeping yourself healthier (mentally and physically) by working hard now.

2017 is a brand new year. Make the best of it.

Best Tips to Improve Yourself
August 29, 2015 by Antonio Cappiello 5 Comments

What does self-improvement mean?

The term suggests a set of improvements you gain by yourself, and they are meant to include
changement in attitude, habits, life-style, social behaviour or personal culture. This effort has to
be related directly to your willing to learn and, of course, practice.

Growing up you become mature and start to deal with a lot of things in life: work, relationship
with people, beliefs, habits.

You face a lot of different situations.

You learn a lot, but you have to understand that “learning” is not related to college, school or to
academia anymore. Learning is something you do not have to worry about if you want to
improve yourself in life. You have to focus on more important matters: you have to become
smarter, efficient, excellent; a coach for other people, but firstly for yourself. Finally, this
learning process will be guided only by your willing to develop your skills, and this will be very
easy if you really want to reach your goals.

What’s the result you may want to obtain? Think positive, act smart and become stable to
happiness.

There is nothing more meaningful and joyful to inquire into a life of development, improvement
and amelioration.

Only by improving yourself you will attain the most out of life. The clue point is that you have to
check out and practice continuously tips, strategies and exercises to develop yourself.

Some of the tips that I’m going to show will be easier to achieve than others. I suggest you to try
to focus gradually on what really matters for you in this moment of your life.
 Best Suggestions For Personal Development
Learn how to treat yourself

Start to love yourself: be kind to your actions, do not criticize everything you do. Try to maintain
constantly your self-esteem high. Learn to develop a strategy for congratulating yourself as
much as possible. This will help to develop better your inner voice, the first guru of your
motivational thoughts.

You may want to see some good tips for improving self-esteem and know what could actually be
some situations that lower self-esteem, i.e. those situations that you want to avoid if you want to
increase your self-esteem and start your process of personal development in a happy way.

Suggested books:

 “The Skin I’m In”, by Sharon Flake

 “The Midwife’s Apprentice”, by Karen Cushman

Raise your disposition to learn

The process of self-improvement is not made up by a single action that will improve yourself for
the rest of your life. Indeed, it is made up by unique and thousands of little steps to do to achieve
the final goal. One of these actions is the continuous process of studying.

This means that if you are a student, you have to get motivated to study, in order to understand
how to obtain a degree in a good way and that best fits with your passions. but also, you have to
learn from everything surrounding you.

Moreover, if you’re not a student anymore, just understand that learning from everything is
useful for remaining in tune with the mutable times, beyond the wrong idea that “learning” is
related to only certain phases of your life. Learning will lead you to increase your IQ thanks to
the experience acquired from time to time.

Learn new skills and practice new hobbies

The intent of this point is to make you aware of everything in the world. All the knowledge
developed through the years by the human kind, all the studies, all the techniques and all the arts.
Pick everything you are interested in and then start to learn something new about it. Spring to
believe that it is better to know even just one thing about everything than everything about just
one thing.

Do not fossilize in just one thing. Learn a new sport or whatever could lead you to increase your
skills, whatever they are, mental or physical ones.

Learn a new language

Learning a new language means learning a new culture, a new way of reasoning, and the reward
is worth it: you will catch the right skills to speak with other people outside the boundary of your
country! Moreover, this comparison with other people will certainly lead you to learn thousands
of new things about their cultures!

Think positive

Your mind has to believe that you can do something before definitely doing it. Every story of
success is made up of positive thoughts and beliefs of reaching achievements. When you have
negative thoughts, try to have a break. Then, start to replace that negative thought with a positive
one.

If you think that you will fail a test, do not let you down: believe that you can pass that test, then
start to do something to achieve the goal of passing the test. Nevermind if you will fail, because
only if you fail you will improve your experience, finally becoming an expert.

Suggested books:

 “The Power of Positive Thinking”, by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale

 “Think and Grow Rich”, by Napoleon Hill
  “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, by Dale Carnegie

Find strength in difficult times

Going through a trouble in life or a bad situation during our time on this Earth gives us the
possibility to grow stronger. The only thing that we have to do in these situations is to maintain
our behaviours as moderate as possible to keep our reactions tempered. Try not to smother your
emotions, but let them go and manage them with wisdom and sapience.

I would love to suggest you an inspirational post about tips to overcome hard times.

Pursue greatness

Be kind towards other people, be an example of fellow feelings and collaboration, cooperation
and participation. Help others, and they will try to help you kindly too. Continue this action
with inspiration, good-hearted intention and dedication. Assume always to make the difference in
the world.

Simply, be great!

Help yourself too

No matter how you could be great in helping people, how you could be kind with others, if you
are not at ease with yourself you will not improve yourself. If you are seeking for a moment to
do something that matters to you, or to ensue your interests and passions, that moment is now.

Try always new things

Doing the same things every week will defeat your self-improvement process. You have to have
the same approach towards new things.

Do not be afraid of trying new things. Improvement occurs when things are changing in better.
How would you know something is good if you don’t try it? Leap out from the comfort zone:
only trying new experiences you will be on the right path to developing.

Get FREE access to our tools!

Get access to our collection of ebooks, checklists, cheatsheets and resources about Productivity,
Personal Development and Time Management!

Click here to access

Create goals and targets

What does it distinguish successful people from others? Well, the willing to build objectives and
achievements. They know what they are looking for, they do daydreams, and they dare. The
secret to achieve any goal is then to plan every step. If you want to have a better idea, you have
to create SMART goals.

And remember, big goals are always divided into several smaller steps. Identify the steps of
every target plan you are going to do.

Suggested guide:

 “Goals! How to Get Everything You Want”, by Brian Tracy

Stop procrastinating

Do not waste time on useless things, and do not waste time even in doing nothing. Learn to fight
procrastination. Do not stay lazy in your bedroom, do not waste time in social networking or in
chatting sessions. Take action, do something useful: read a book, make a project, think beyond
the normal schemes. Do not post-to-date a task that you can do today. Tomorrow the same task
will be more complicated.

Suggested guide:

 “Time Management System”, by Tony Robbins

Seize the day

As said before the right moment for doing something you want to do is NOW. There are some
things you want to follow in life, out there, and you know it, but you don’t act! Be able to get the
free things that the life and nature could offer to you.

A twilight, a night looking at the stars, the smile of people you love.

Change someone’s beliefs

Often, we face friends and parents dealing with problems that they seem not to overcome. Most
of the times, those problems cannot be solved simply because those people think that they
actually can’t do anything about it. This is a particular and common way to have bad beliefs,
which are self-sabotaging.

Try to stay close to those people to let them understand they can solve the problem, and try to
change their wrong beliefs.

Everything you experience is a life lesson

People, jobs, travels, books, school, everything. You have to learn how to learn from things.
The simplest thing in this world can suggest you, or teach you, the best thing you have ever
needed to know. Be aware to get the right lesson from everyday life occasions. If you
experience failures, you have to understand that there is something better out there. Broken
relationships, missed jobs will never hinder your opportunity to do everything better.

Learn to understand when is time to change your job and improve your career.

Read inspiring and great books 

Libraries and even the Web itself are fundamental sources of knowledge. Most people read
online ebooks and PDF regarding topics of their interest, others prefer instead to read with the
classic piece of paper. The important thing is that a book, whatever its version is digital or not, is
a great source of wisdom, inspiration, motivation, and knowledge. Not only you will earn
something new, but you will enrich your vocabulary and your speech capability and skills.

This whole process of reading inspiring book is also fundamental if you want to gain confidence
with a certain audience regarding public speaking.

Best inspiring books:

 “Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being”, by  Martin E. P.

Seligman
 “Thinking, Fast and Slow”, by Daniel Kahneman
 “The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business”, by Charles Duhigg
 “The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth”,
by Scott Peck 
 “The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment”,  by Eckhart Tolle

Best Tips to Improve Yourself

August 29, 2015 by Antonio Cappiello 5 Comments

What does self-improvement mean?

The term suggests a set of improvements you gain by yourself, and they are meant to include
changement in attitude, habits, life-style, social behaviour or personal culture. This effort has to
be related directly to your willing to learn and, of course, practice.

Growing up you become mature and start to deal with a lot of things in life: work, relationship
with people, beliefs, habits.

You face a lot of different situations.

You learn a lot, but you have to understand that “learning” is not related to college, school or to
academia anymore. Learning is something you do not have to worry about if you want to
improve yourself in life. You have to focus on more important matters: you have to become
smarter, efficient, excellent; a coach for other people, but firstly for yourself. Finally, this
learning process will be guided only by your willing to develop your skills, and this will be very
easy if you really want to reach your goals.

What’s the result you may want to obtain? Think positive, act smart and become stable to
happiness.

There is nothing more meaningful and joyful to inquire into a life of development, improvement
and amelioration.

Only by improving yourself you will attain the most out of life. The clue point is that you have to
check out and practice continuously tips, strategies and exercises to develop yourself.

Some of the tips that I’m going to show will be easier to achieve than others. I suggest you to try
to focus gradually on what really matters for you in this moment of your life.

Best Suggestions For Personal Development

Learn how to treat yourself
Start to love yourself: be kind to your actions, do not criticize everything you do. Try to maintain
constantly your self-esteem high. Learn to develop a strategy for congratulating yourself as
much as possible. This will help to develop better your inner voice, the first guru of your
motivational thoughts.

You may want to see some good tips for improving self-esteem and know what could actually be
some situations that lower self-esteem, i.e. those situations that you want to avoid if you want to
increase your self-esteem and start your process of personal development in a happy way.

Suggested books:

 “The Skin I’m In”, by Sharon Flake

 “The Midwife’s Apprentice”, by Karen Cushman

Raise your disposition to learn

The process of self-improvement is not made up by a single action that will improve yourself for
the rest of your life. Indeed, it is made up by unique and thousands of little steps to do to achieve
the final goal. One of these actions is the continuous process of studying.

This means that if you are a student, you have to get motivated to study, in order to understand
how to obtain a degree in a good way and that best fits with your passions. but also, you have to
learn from everything surrounding you.

Moreover, if you’re not a student anymore, just understand that learning from everything is
useful for remaining in tune with the mutable times, beyond the wrong idea that “learning” is
related to only certain phases of your life. Learning will lead you to increase your IQ thanks to
the experience acquired from time to time.

Learn new skills and practice new hobbies

The intent of this point is to make you aware of everything in the world. All the knowledge
developed through the years by the human kind, all the studies, all the techniques and all the arts.
Pick everything you are interested in and then start to learn something new about it. Spring to
believe that it is better to know even just one thing about everything than everything about just
one thing.

Do not fossilize in just one thing. Learn a new sport or whatever could lead you to increase your
skills, whatever they are, mental or physical ones.

Learn a new language

Learning a new language means learning a new culture, a new way of reasoning, and the reward
is worth it: you will catch the right skills to speak with other people outside the boundary of your
country! Moreover, this comparison with other people will certainly lead you to learn thousands
of new things about their cultures!
Think positive

Your mind has to believe that you can do something before definitely doing it. Every story of
success is made up of positive thoughts and beliefs of reaching achievements. When you have
negative thoughts, try to have a break. Then, start to replace that negative thought with a positive
one.

If you think that you will fail a test, do not let you down: believe that you can pass that test, then
start to do something to achieve the goal of passing the test. Nevermind if you will fail, because
only if you fail you will improve your experience, finally becoming an expert.

Suggested books:

 “The Power of Positive Thinking”, by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale

 “Think and Grow Rich”, by Napoleon Hill
 “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, by Dale Carnegie

Find strength in difficult times

Going through a trouble in life or a bad situation during our time on this Earth gives us the
possibility to grow stronger. The only thing that we have to do in these situations is to maintain
our behaviours as moderate as possible to keep our reactions tempered. Try not to smother your
emotions, but let them go and manage them with wisdom and sapience.

I would love to suggest you an inspirational post about tips to overcome hard times.

Pursue greatness

Be kind towards other people, be an example of fellow feelings and collaboration, cooperation
and participation. Help others, and they will try to help you kindly too. Continue this action
with inspiration, good-hearted intention and dedication. Assume always to make the difference in
the world.

Simply, be great!

Help yourself too

No matter how you could be great in helping people, how you could be kind with others, if you
are not at ease with yourself you will not improve yourself. If you are seeking for a moment to
do something that matters to you, or to ensue your interests and passions, that moment is now.

Try always new things

Doing the same things every week will defeat your self-improvement process. You have to have
the same approach towards new things.
Do not be afraid of trying new things. Improvement occurs when things are changing in better.
How would you know something is good if you don’t try it? Leap out from the comfort zone:
only trying new experiences you will be on the right path to developing.

Get FREE access to our tools!

Get access to our collection of ebooks, checklists, cheatsheets and resources about Productivity,
Personal Development and Time Management!

Click here to access

Create goals and targets

What does it distinguish successful people from others? Well, the willing to build objectives and
achievements. They know what they are looking for, they do daydreams, and they dare. The
secret to achieve any goal is then to plan every step. If you want to have a better idea, you have
to create SMART goals.

And remember, big goals are always divided into several smaller steps. Identify the steps of
every target plan you are going to do.

Suggested guide:

 “Goals! How to Get Everything You Want”, by Brian Tracy

Stop procrastinating

Do not waste time on useless things, and do not waste time even in doing nothing. Learn to fight
procrastination. Do not stay lazy in your bedroom, do not waste time in social networking or in
chatting sessions. Take action, do something useful: read a book, make a project, think beyond
the normal schemes. Do not post-to-date a task that you can do today. Tomorrow the same task
will be more complicated.

Suggested guide:

 “Time Management System”, by Tony Robbins

Seize the day

As said before the right moment for doing something you want to do is NOW. There are some
things you want to follow in life, out there, and you know it, but you don’t act! Be able to get the
free things that the life and nature could offer to you.

A twilight, a night looking at the stars, the smile of people you love.
Change someone’s beliefs

Often, we face friends and parents dealing with problems that they seem not to overcome. Most
of the times, those problems cannot be solved simply because those people think that they
actually can’t do anything about it. This is a particular and common way to have bad beliefs,
which are self-sabotaging.

Try to stay close to those people to let them understand they can solve the problem, and try to
change their wrong beliefs.

Everything you experience is a life lesson

People, jobs, travels, books, school, everything. You have to learn how to learn from things.
The simplest thing in this world can suggest you, or teach you, the best thing you have ever
needed to know. Be aware to get the right lesson from everyday life occasions. If you
experience failures, you have to understand that there is something better out there. Broken
relationships, missed jobs will never hinder your opportunity to do everything better.

Learn to understand when is time to change your job and improve your career.

Read inspiring and great books 

Libraries and even the Web itself are fundamental sources of knowledge. Most people read
online ebooks and PDF regarding topics of their interest, others prefer instead to read with the
classic piece of paper. The important thing is that a book, whatever its version is digital or not, is
a great source of wisdom, inspiration, motivation, and knowledge. Not only you will earn
something new, but you will enrich your vocabulary and your speech capability and skills.

This whole process of reading inspiring book is also fundamental if you want to gain confidence
with a certain audience regarding public speaking.

Best inspiring books:

 “Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being”, by  Martin E. P.

Seligman
 “Thinking, Fast and Slow”, by Daniel Kahneman
 “The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business”, by Charles Duhigg
 “The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth”,
by Scott Peck 
 “The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment”,  by Eckhart Tolle

Prevent negative people

Stay away from people who are leading you to live bad situations or to have a bad experience, or
those who make you upset.
 Get FREE access to our tools!
Get access to our collection of ebooks, checklists, cheatsheets and resources about Productivity,
Personal Development and Time Management!

Click here to access

Leave the past behind

This complex flux of emotions, coming from our regrets or our memories, is due to the time
continuum. What we have to do is to manage these emotions connected to the past with
discipline and acceptance. Only if we act in this way, leaving the past behind, we will have a
better future. I’ll suggest you to read an inspiring story about how to let the past go.

Quit a bad habit

Bad habits lead us to situations that we want to delete from our life. Smoking could lead to
dying, too many cakes would lead to earning weight, drinking too much is really bad, and others
simply bother us, like biting nails or wake up in the late morning. We have then to consider
strategies to quit this habit, and even if it is an addiction or dependence on smoking or drinking;
it could be easy to give up if you are aware of the best strategies to quit bad habits.

Best suggested book for managing and quitting bad habits:

 “The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business”, by Charles Duhigg

Stop watching TV

Look for your knowledge elsewhere. TV is not a place where to learn something. Read your
news about the world on the internet or important newspaper and magazine, read books and talk
about opinions of the actual situation with your friends.

Since it could become a disturbing dependence, you may have to check some suggestions about
quitting TV addiction.

Start new habits that will increase your productivity

We can take action from the previous tip and then substitute bad habits with good ones: reading a
book, having a walk in the park, talking with friends or colleagues, doing physical activities or
waking up early in the morning to start better the day. Wake up early, try to eat healthily and
evaluate the right time to have a break and the right one to do tasks and activity.

This will improve your concentration and your willpower. To discover more in details, check this
article: habits to increase creativity and productivity.
Take a break

When you are studying, when you are reading, when you are doing physical activities, when you
are working on a project, when you are meditating. Whenever you think it is necessary.
Whatever thing you are doing, always take a break. It is important for your energies, both mental
and physical. Some rest will always help you to get the most out of what you are doing.

Wake up early and become a morning person

Wake up early, to meditate, have time to read something useful and do a little bit of physical
activity. This is the so-called Holy Hour, a little habit to practice in the morning (suggested by
Robin Sharma in his book) that will help you to face better the day and the situations you will
going through.

For a step-by-step guide on how to become a morning person, check here.

Suggested books:

 “The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari: A Fable About Fulfilling Your Dreams & Reaching Your Destiny”,
by Robin Sharma

Follow a weekly routine for your physical activity

It will help your body to keep a constant training process and your health will improve too. Try
to avoid to eat foods that could be dangerous for you, and especially your mind. Instead,
concentrate on foods and vitamins that could lead you to get better in the physical and mental
situation.

Overcome fears

Most of the times, when you are facing panic attacks or anxiety, you do not know where to start
to get rid of them. They come from our insecurity and instability, due to our fears to fail, to risk,
to take an action whose outcome is unknown. The clue point is that these bad feelings are
present in your life, and they will always be;

Then, the only thing to do is to learn how to manage them.

You have to face the situation, take a break, analyze the emotion you are experiencing and then
start from it to do better things. It seems to be a difficult process, but day by day you will learn
how to manage anxiety and panic attacks, finding the right way to motivate ourselves and
prosecute our goals without obstacles. Most of the times we are worried about things we cannot
change instead of being focused on what we can change to get our situations better.

Before starting, you have to understand what’s the difference between anxiety and panic attacks.

Best guides on the web market for managing anxiety and panic attacks:
  “CBT4Panic”, by Robin Hall
 “Anxiety Shift”, by Neil Gabriel
 “What to Say When You Talk To Your Self”, by Dr. Shad Helmstetter
 “The 10 Best-Ever Anxiety Management Techniques”, by Margaret Wehrenberg
 “My Age of Anxiety: Fear, Hope, Dread, and the Search for Peace of Mind”, by Scott Stossel

Meditate

This is one of the important things that everyone should do. This is a must-do for everyone who
wants to develop their inner sanity. You have to understand that it is pretty easy to learn
meditation.

Just practicing only 20-30 minutes a day or every two days will lead you to notice the difference
in rest, positive thoughts, motivation, dreams. You will be more concentrated and wise towards
everything you will face during your life. The more effectively you meditate, the more you will
gain benefits from it.

Best books on meditation:

 “Wherever You Go, There You Are”, by Jon Kabat-Zinn

 “Mindfulness for Beginners: Reclaiming the Present Moment―and Your Life”, by Jon Kabat-Zinn  
 “The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment”, by Eckhart Tolle
 “8 Minute Meditation Expanded: Quiet Your Mind. Change Your Life.”,by Victor Davich
 “How to Meditate: A Practical Guide to Making Friends with Your Mind”, by Pema Chödrön

Learn from people surrounding you

Relationships with people are really important. Take care of them and try to find in your friends,
your family and your partner what is their aim towards you. Learn from them everything they do
for your best. They will always love you and teach you, and you have to be happy with this gift.

Listen always to what people are saying to you. If you don’t know where to start, simply check
what can be the tips that will lead you to relate better to others.

Best guides and books:

 ‘Love & Relationships’ Collections, by Tony Robbins

 “The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and
Friendships”, by John Gottman
 “The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship: A Toltec Wisdom Book”, by
Don Miguel Ruiz
 “The Lost Art of Listening, Second Edition: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships”,
by Michael P. Nichols PhD

Live in an inspirational environment

Do not think that living in a messed room will help you: you do not have to waste time to seek
for something in your room which takes more than 3 seconds. You have to know where your
things are; you have to know where your books and your means are. You room or your office are
setting the mood for you. It has to provide you a creative and spiritual support. Understanding
how to setup and inspiring environment is really easy.

Plan a goal

Try to set, whenever you want, a goal, an achievement. Set this achievement to be reached in one
month, or two, or even a year. Then try to reach this goal. This kind of acting is the best
motivating one.

Now when I was 15 years old, I had a very important person in my life come to me and say
‘who’s your hero?’ And I said, ‘I don’t know, I gotta think about that. Give me a couple of
weeks.’ I come back two weeks later, this person comes up and says ‘who’s your hero?’ I said, ‘I
thought about it. You know who it is? It’s me in 10 years.’ So I turned 25. Ten years later, that
same person comes to me and says, ‘So, are you a hero?’ And I was like, ‘not even close. No, no,
no.’ She said, ‘Why?’ I said, ‘Because my hero’s me at 35.’ So you see every day, every week,
every month and every year of my life, my hero’s always 10 years away. I’m never gonna be my
hero. I’m not gonna attain that. I know I’m not, and that’s just fine with me because that keeps
me with somebody to keep on chasing.

~  Matthew McConaughey

Life diary

Have a diary to have something that could collect your thoughts and your dreams, your goals and
your purposes. This is another mean that surely will boost your motivation. Having a life diary
will also lead you to get rid of your anxieties if you are a student. Check this simple list of tips
about how to write a diary if you are interested in this.

Letter to your future-self

This is one of the tips I love more. I can remember Marshall from “How I Met Your Mother”
TV-series, in the episode in which he recovers a letter for his future-self.

Try to do the same: write a letter for your future self, and then set a date to open it.

Maybe one year is good, but five years could be really challenging and motivating. Then set,
as always, your objectives, and then try to reach them dividing the overall operations into small
goals!

To-do lists
Keeping notes of what you have to do is helpful. Write your tasks and your daily or weekly
programs on paper or using some apps and useful tool. You can find a list of useful resources
and app to make to-do lists at this link!

Write a personal blog or a journal

This is my strong suggestion: start to write. Everything passes through your mind, and then let’s
put it on paper or a blog. Share your thoughts and your suggestions, become a great speaker and
do not be afraid to speak in public.

These aspects are really important for your success.

If you want instead to feel more free to write, then learn how to write a diary, because it will
make you more secure at the unconscious level. If you want to share your thoughts with people,
try to start a personal blog.

Get FREE access to our tools!

Get access to our collection of ebooks, checklists, cheatsheets and resources about Productivity,
Personal Development and Time Management!

Click here to access

Start a business venture

This is the last tip: pick something you like to do and then try to get benefits from it. Study at a
university or follow courses that are meeting your interests and your passions. Do not waste time
on things that bother you. When you have collected all the knowledge about one thing, then start
to act to create your job. Try to start a personal blog for making a good income out of it.

My strong suggestion for business venture and entrepreneurship is to refer to some worldwide-

known Life Coach, like Brian Tracy. He actually treats personal development topics in
business in a great and clear way thanks to his own experience as a 6-figure life coach.

“Financial Freedom”, by Tony Robbins, is another very good course on the web market for
financial independence.

Self Improvement Goals for Work

It is also very important for you to attain a status of constant amelioration even at work. The
major tips are:

 Fight procrastination at work;

 If you are an entrepreneur and work from home, learn habits to work well;
  Create a productive work environment: what’s surrounding you while working is really
important for the work itself;
 Inspire workplace creativity; Creativity is a pathway to success, be it in an organization or any
recruitment company achieving a personal goal so don’t put a stop to it!

Another aspect you may want to improve is the image that you transmit to your own boss, in
order to show devotion and interest in the work you are doing. For this kind of situation, you
have to avoid some things that you don’t think your boss actually knows.

PS. Here you can see a summary into an Infographic that you may easily download (just right-
click then “save image”) or pin on Pinterest!

Enjoy this list to be always aware of the aspects you have to IMPROVE!

PPS. If you want to add a contribution to this post with some useful inputs and tips, feel free to
add your opinion in the comments, so that we can add it to the list! 🙂

How to turn small talk into smart

conversation
Jul 28, 2014 / Chris Colin +

Tips from a comedian and a journalist on the art of going

from small talk to big ideas — all summer long.
Imagine almost any situation where two or more people are gathered—a wedding reception, a
job interview, two off-duty cops hanging out in a Jacuzzi.

What do these situations have in common? Almost all of them involve people trying to talk with
each other. But in these very moments where a conversation would enhance an encounter, we
often fall short. We can’t think of a thing to say.

Or worse, we do a passable job at talking. We stagger through our romantic, professional and
social worlds with the goal merely of not crashing, never considering that we might soar. We go
home sweaty and puffy, and eat birthday cake in the shower.

We stagger through our romantic, professional and social worlds with the goal merely of not
crashing, never considering that we might soar.

We at What to Talk About headquarters set out to change this. Below, a few tips for introverts
(and everyone else) on how to turn small talk into big ideas at the next Social Obligation
Involving Strangers:
Ask for stories, not answers

One way to get beyond small talk is to ask open-ended questions. Aim for questions that invite
people to tell stories, rather than give bland, one-word answers.

Instead of . . .
“How are you?”
“How was your day?”
“Where are you from?”
“What do you do?”
“What line of work are you in?”
“What’s your name?”
“How was your weekend?”
“What’s up?”
“Would you like some wine?”
“How long have you been living here?”

Try . . .
“What’s your story?”
“What did you do today?”
“What’s the strangest thing about where you grew up?”
“What’s the most interesting thing that happened at work today?”
“How’d you end up in your line of work?”
“What does your name mean? What would you like it to mean?”
“What was the best part of your weekend?”
“What are you looking forward to this week?”
“Who do you think is the luckiest person in this room?”
“What does this house remind you of?”
“If you could teleport by blinking your eyes, where would you go right now?”

Break the mirror

When small talk stalls out, it’s often due to a phenomenon we call “mirroring.” In our attempts to
be polite, we often answer people’s questions directly, repeat their observations, or just blandly
agree with whatever they say.

Mirrored example:
James: It’s a beautiful day!
John: Yes, it is a beautiful day!

See? By mirroring James’s opinion and language, John has followed the social norm, but he’s
also paralyzed the discussion and missed a moment of fun. Instead, John needs to practice the art
of disruption and move the dialogue forward:

Non-mirrored example:
James: It’s a beautiful day!
John: They say that the weather was just like this when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor. If
that actually happened.

See? Now James and John are talking! Be provocative. Absurdity is underrated.

Leapfrog over the expected response

An even better way to break the boring-conversation mirror is to skip over the expected
response, and go somewhere next-level:

Instead of :
Ron: How was your flight?
Carlos: My flight was good!

Beverly: It’s hot today.

Gino: Yeah, it sure is hot.

Riz: What’s up?

Keil: Hey, what’s up?

Try:
Ron: How was your flight?
Carlos: I’d be more intrigued by an airline where your ticket price was based on your body
weight and IQ.

Beverly: It’s hot today.

Gino: In this dimension, yes.

Riz: What’s up?

Keil: Washing your chicken just splatters the bacteria everywhere.

Go ahead, be bold. Upend the dinner table conversation! Turn small talk into big ideas at the
next summer wedding reception you’re forced to attend! You never know which ideas will be
worth spreading next.

This excerpt is adapted with permission from What to Talk About: On a Plane, at a Cocktail
Party, in a Tiny Elevator with Your Boss’s Boss by Chris Colin and Rob Baedeker (Chronicle
Books).

What a difference a word can make: How a

single word can change your conversation
Jul 15, 2015 / Elizabeth Stokoe
Share This Idea

 Share on Facebook (Opens in new window)

 Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
 Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
 Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window)



British psychologist Elizabeth Stokoe studies the patterns in

talk that most of us don’t even notice. She explains how her
research can be used to train people to interact more
effectively.
People spend a good deal of time talking to one another, and in general we do it pretty well. We
might feel excited, angry, embarrassed, or — if we’re lucky — loved, in the course of our daily
conversations. So is there any benefit to thinking about a science of talk? Can we really gain
anything from scientific analysis of something we “just do”?
I believe we can, and I’ve spent the last 20 years studying real talk from real people talking to
each other in real time. And while the linguist Noam Chomsky once described conversation as a
“disorderly phenomenon,” I can tell you that it’s no such thing. Conversation is highly
systematic and organized … and it tells us an incredible amount about the power of language to
shape our daily lives.

Take this ordinary telephone call between two friends, Nancy and Hyla, transcribed according to
the standard conversation analysis transcription system, which includes intonation and the actual
sounds being made rather than just the correct spelling of a word (lines under a word represent
emphasis and different movements in pitch, the equals sign means that the turns are very rapid):

On the face of it, this is utterly mundane. There’s no science here! Well, actually there is.
Conversation analysts have shown that, across settings including phone calls, face-to-face
encounters, Skype calls and even instant messaging, conversations routinely contain three
component pairs of actions: summons and answer (the opening — lines 1-2); greetings and
identification (for Hyla and Nancy, just the sound of the voice is enough for identification —
lines 3-4), and initial enquiries (the ‘how-are-yous’ at lines 5-6).

Perhaps this seems obvious. But now let’s take a look at the start of a call between boyfriend and
girlfriend, Dana and Gordon.

Like Nancy, Gordon produces an answering “hello.” But rather than being met with a greeting,
there is instead a gap of seven-tenths of a second. For conversation analysts, that’s enough of a
delay to indicate trouble. Hyla and Nancy spoke rapidly, with a tenth of a second or less between
their turns. In this instance, even though only one word has been uttered, we already know
enough to expect that Dana and Gordon are unlikely to proceed smoothly through the next two
pairs of conversational components. Here’s what Dana says next:

Dana returns the greeting, but rather than move into the “how-are-yous” portion of the
conversation, she asks Gordon a question. It’s not an innocent question; it is antagonistic. As
Gordon’s girlfriend, she implies that she’s entitled to know where he’s been “all morning”; she’s
been trying to get him “all morning.”

That we can pinpoint moments of trouble so precisely has big pay-offs when it comes to
understanding professional or workplace encounters. For example, we can search for silences
and work out had happened previously to produce it. In my work with organizations from the
police force to commercial sales teams, I’ve been able to show practitioners which words and
phrases are most effective — and what does not work. Here’s a look at some of my more recent
findings, as well as a great study by a pair of American conversation analysts.

1. Are you willing?

I’ve worked with mediation services that help people in a dispute with their neighbor, partner or
colleague. By analyzing hundreds of calls between mediators and their potential clients, it
became clear that some callers don’t really want mediation; they want a lawyer, police officer or
housing company to arrest, evict or otherwise constrain the other party’s behavior. They have
been referred to mediation as a last resort, and many callers reject it on the basis that the other
party is the “kind of person who won’t mediate.” Without knowing how to overcome that hurdle,
the call is over and the client is lost. However, I found that when mediators asked people if they
would be “willing” to mediate, even resistant callers agreed to try the service. “Willing” was
significantly more effective than other phrasing such as “might you be interested in mediation?”
— and it was the only word that achieved a total turnaround from “no” to “yes.” My theory: it
works because if the other party is the kind of person who won’t mediate, then the caller must be
the kind of person who will…!

2. How did you hear about us?

When people telephone companies to buy things — in the case of my research, new windows
and doors — the call is mostly about what the caller wants. But the company often wants
something too — to know how the caller heard about them. After all, they’re invariably spending
money on advertising, so what advertising space is worth buying? Some salespeople ask, “how
did you hear about us?” at the start of the call. Others wait until the end of the call to ask, “just
before you go, would you mind telling me where you heard about us?” Both questions deliver a
request for information, but the first one is often followed by a long silence, which we know
indicates trouble. The second one is followed by an immediate answer that indicates there was no
trouble in asking it. Being careful about the placement and wording of requests can have an
impact on the rapport between caller and salesperson; knowing what works can enable
companies to optimize their calls.

3. Why were you arrested?

Police officers are trained to ask a certain type of question when they talk to arrested suspects.
Training manuals recommend open-ended questions that don’t push for any particular
information: “Tell me about your day from when you woke up this morning to the point that we
met.” However, it turns out that a more specific format is far more effective in eliciting the sorts
of accounts that police actually want from suspects. The question “can you tell me the
circumstances in which you were arrested?” had better results than the training manual question,
which could prompt people to describe what they had for breakfast! This is because, unlike the
open-ended question, it focuses the narrative. Why is the more effective question not in the
manual? Because this guidance is based on theory, not evidence. Much communication guidance
is the same, which means people are often trained to do the wrong thing.

4. Any or some?
American conversation analysts John Heritage and Jeffrey Robinson examined the impact when
doctors changed just one word in a question: “any” to “some.” The issue: Patients were
frequently leaving appointments without voicing all of their concerns, resulting in dissatisfaction
and inefficiencies. One reason might be that doctors’ opening questions, such as “What can I do
for you today?”, typically elicit only one concern. Recognizing this problem, medical school
training recommends that, after discussing the initial problem, doctors then ask, “is there
anything else we need to take care of today?” However, analysts have shown that questions
containing the word “any” typically receive negative responses. In Heritage and Robinson’s
experiment, one group of doctors asked the “any” question; another used the word “some”: “Is
there something else we need to take care of today?” That small change showed a statistically
significant uplift in reported concerns. The finding tells us some other interesting things. First,
while not every “some” works, outcomes cannot simply be attributed to style, personality or
gender. Second, as with the examples above, it suggests what language should appear in
communication training.

I developed a technique called CARM (the Conversation Analytic Role-play Method) to help
people assess conversations and understand what a difference a word can make. What I love
about conversation analysis is that often insights are just under our nose, waiting for close
inspection to suggest a smarter way to communicate. As we saw in the “willing” case, the
effective practice was right there all along.