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How To Frick A Dolphin Archieve Text 1
How To Frick A Dolphin Archieve Text 1
There are
people who are aroused by feet, shoes, and even shoelaces. But dolphins ? Anyway,
if you want to have sex with a dolphin (and who doesn't ?), this is the guide for
you. Please note in passing that the image to the right was called "yum.jpg" on the
web site (for some reason, now called "fun.jpg").
Aquariums and zooz are out of the question : too many witnesses. You are instead
advised to try to find a beach where dolphins live. You also need luck :
Sometimes you just need to be in the right place at the right time. I have been
extremely lucky on two occasions with wild dolphins, and my current mate is a
dolphin who lives in the harbor of my resident city.
First, you need to figure out 1. the gender of the dolphin and 2. figure out if the
dolphin is aroused.
To do the first, you need to look at their head (males have a fatter, rounder
head), or on the dolphin's belly, between opposite the dorsal fin and the tail. The
male has two larger slits, and the female has one large slit and two small mammary
slits.
Also, I still can't believe I am writing about having sex with dolphins. This is
what being an Insolitologist is all about, folks.
3. Having sex
A male dolphin's member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end. If you are in the
water with them, it is best to support the dolphin on his side, just under the
water, with one hand, and handle him with the other. Male dolphins, I find, tend to
prefer the base of the penis to be gently massaged and squeezed, as well as gently
rubbed along it's length.
Due to the size of a dolphin's member, the best you can do with a male dolphin is
to masturbate him. Missionary position or anal sex are both out of the question.
Also, be careful : when those things shoot, they shoot. Remember what your mom told
you about trains and get out of the way.
The female dolphin can be either masturbated or fucked, depending on your gender.
Roll the dolphin gently to her side, belly towards you, and prop yourself on an
elbow to stay face-to-face with her. At this point, my brain is already beginning
to rebel against what I'm reading, so I'll let the author do the explaining for
me :
One thing to note. Whether you masturbate or mate a fin, male or female, always
spend time with them afterwards. Cuddle them, rub them, talk to them and most
importantly, show them you love them. This is essential, as it helps to strengthen
the bond between you.
In conclusion, good luck, and if you have a baby with a dolphin, don't forget to
tell someone other than the National Enquirer.