CHAIRLEY CHAPLIN by Robert Pepe

Robert Pepe Robjpepe@gmail.com (631) 413-1617

Copyright 2010 Robert Pepe

FADE IN: INT. ATTIC - NIGHT Moonlight spills through a circular window. Dust floats in the streaks of light. White sheets cover pieces of furniture and other oddly shaped objects around the room. The only sound to be heard is the WHISTLING WIND, until... WHOOSH! A sheet rustles and flies up to reveal-CHAIRLEY SEATER, 10, an orange metal chair with chipped paint and rust stains. He coughs up dust from his mouth on the seatbottom. Wipes his eyes on the seat-back with one of his legs. STRANGE WHISPER (O.S.) (thick NYC accent) Psst. Hey, kid. Chairley looks around, confused. Over here. STRANGE WHISPER (O.S.)

Chairley turns and notices a plastic, basketball-sized, RED APPLE. A green leaf hangs down over his face, and a stem protrudes from his head. RED APPLE You look confused. Whats the matter? Youve never seen a talking fruit before? CHAIRLEY Actually, no, I havent. RED APPLE (laughs) You have now. Come on in. Red holds up a corner of the sheet with his stem. Chairley crawls into-INT. WHITE SHEET - CONTINUOUS A pole in the center holds the sheet up like a circus tent.

2. A small sculpture of the EIFEL TOWER and a broken CASSETTE PLAYER engage in a game of poker with a deck of miniature cards. A french beret dangles from the point on Eifels head. RED APPLE So, youre new to these parts, huh? CHAIRLEY Yeah, but Im not really sure where I am or why Im here. RED APPLE I think we can help you out. This heres Eifel. His stem points to Eifel Tower, who speaks with a French accent. Bon jour. EIFEL

RED APPLE And this is our pal, Cassette. CASSETTE You wanna learn to be a player? Stick with me. CHAIRLEY Its nice to meet you guys. Im Chairley. Chairley Seater. I dont think I caught your name, though. RED APPLE The names Red. Red Apple. CHAIRLEY Thats fitting, I guess. RED APPLE Yeah, well we dont exactly get people names. Usually, objects like myself and Eifel get silly names, but this guy gave us the most generic names he could come up with. CHAIRLEY Why dont you just rename yourselves? EIFEL To be honest, we never really thought of that.

3. RED APPLE Besides, Im kinda used to this one, now. You hungry, kid? CHAIRLEY Yeah, I could eat. Red slides a box of matches over from the back of the tent. He takes out a few and lights a small campfire. CHAIRLEY So, where are we exactly? RED APPLE Were in the artists attic. This is where he brings his pieces when hes no longer got a use for them. Eifel and Cassette drag over a sheet of fly paper with a slew of dead flies stuck to it. CHAIRLEY But Im only ten years old. Im not even broken. Eifel grabs a plump corpse from the goo and throws it on the fire. EIFEL Oui oui, but hes an artist. He stores his objects here until he needs inspiration. If he thinks you will make a good art piece, hell come up and get you. CHAIRLEY So, how long until he uses me as an art piece? CASSETTE Theres no telling, really. Could be a week, a month, a year, or you could be here forever. You just gotta make the best of it. RED APPLE Kid, I been here for ten years, ever since he used me in an exhibit in New York. CHAIRLEY Wow, youre from the Big Apple?

4. RED APPLE Born and raised. You couldnt tell? EIFEL He did the same with me, in France. CHAIRLEY Oh, wow, and what about you, Cassette? Where are you from? CASSETTE Actually, he bought me at Sears about twenty years ago. Ive never been used as art before. CHAIRLEY At least you dont look that old. CASSETTE Yeah, just a little broken... on the inside. Red tears off a leg from the roasted fly, and hands it to Chairley. RED APPLE Here you go, kid. Get some grub in you. The other guys take their own portions and chow down, when they hear-FOOTSTEPS outside the attic door. RED APPLE Shh. Everyone quiet. Its the Artist. Red smothers the fire with the fly paper. Casette tosses the evidence into his tape trap. INT. ATTIC - CONTINUOUS The door swings open. A PAIR OF LEGS steps in, silhouetted by the hall light. These legs belong to-THE ARTIST, his face entirely obscured by darkness. After a brief moment of thought, he creeps over to the sheet. Runs his hand across the top, then flings the sheet onto the floor.

5. The Artist scans the now seemingly lifeless objects. Scratches his head. He picks up the red apple and puts it on the chair. Observes it. Shakes his head. Knocks the apple onto the floor. He picks up the Eifel Tower and places it on the chair. Observes it. Shakes his head, again. Knocks the tower onto the floor. He looks down at the cassette player. Observes it. Shakes his head. Not even worth a try. He sits on Chairley. Thinks hard. Snaps his fingers. IDEA. The Artist hops up and lifts Chairley into his arms. He speeds out, and slams the door behind him. Red rolls to his feet, and rubs his head with the stem. RED APPLE What a jerk. I think I got a bruise, now. Eifel stands up behind Red. EIFEL Oui. You sure do. Right on your backside. A BROWN BRUISE develops on the skin of Reds behind. Red spins to get a look, but his eyes cant reach that far. CASSETTE At least he gave you guys a try! I wasnt even a thought. Just a scoff. RED APPLE Consider yourself lucky. You could be broken on the outside right now, too. EIFEL Forget about us. The kid wasnt even here for a day. RED APPLE What a shame. The artists just gonna turn him into some art project. CASSETTE Whats wrong with that?

6. RED APPLE Dont you see? That kids still young, yet. Hes got potential. Eifel and me were created to be art. We never had a chance at a real life. Cassette, you had your chance, but accidents happen. This kid, hes still in one piece, he still works. We need to help him get outta here so he can be useful to someone, and not end up in some dusty attic. Red slams his stem against the floor. Dust kicks up and fills the air. FADE TO: INT. MUSEUM - NIGHT TITLE: SOME DAYS LATER Chairley, dressed in a bowler hat and a fake moustache, sleeps behind a glass showcase. A LONG BANNER hangs above, which reads: CHAIRLEY CHAPLIN. A KNOCK on the glass rouses Chairley. Red, Eifel and Cassette stand outside the showcase. RED APPLE Chairley! Wake up! Its us! CHAIRLEY Hey, guys! What are you doing here? Did you come to see my exhibit? CASSETTE No, were here to rescue you! EIFEL Oui, we want to help you use your potential. CHAIRLEY I am using my potential! This art thing is great!

7. RED APPLE No, Chairley, you dont understand. After youre done here, hes just gonna toss you in the attic and forget about you. You gotta get out there and let someone sit on you! CHAIRLEY I appreciate your help, guys. Really, I do, but I like being in the spotlight. It makes me feel wanted. CASSETTE Listen, you need to go do what you were intended to do, before its too late. Look at me, I wish I could still play tapes. Now Im just a washed up has-been who spends his days in a dusty attic. You got potential! Use it! Chairley glances over at a fat SECURITY GUARD, asleep on a COMFY CHAIR. He keeps his eyes fixed on the chair, and runs the tip of his leg through his moustache. He takes one last look around the showcase. CHAIRLEY You know, you guys are right. Ive fallen so in love with being this Chairley Chaplin guy, that I forgot what it means to be a chair. What do you say we get out of here and grab some flies? EIFEL Only if theyre french flies! They all share a laugh. RED APPLE Id say thats a great idea. Then, afterwards, we can go find you a new home. Now, lets blow this art stand. CASSETTE Hows he gonna get out of that case? I know. CHAIRLEY

8. Chairley backs up to the wall, as far from the glass as possible. He kneels like a track star, then races toward the window. RED APPLE Chairley, no! SMASH! Chairley plows through the glass. Shards shoot everywhere. An alarm BLARES. The security guard jumps out of his seat. Chairley, Red, Eifel and Cassette drop to the floor, stiff and inanimate. The security guard looks at the broken glass, then down at the objects on the floor. SECURITY GUARD (flustered) Ten-four! Houston, we have a breakin! He staggers down the hall as fast as a fat man can. SECURITY GUARD Whoevers in here, come out and show yourself! The objects all come-to once the security guard is out of sight. RED APPLE Come on, guys. Lets go get some grub. EIFEL I thought we were getting flies? CASSETTE Its just an expression, Eifel. CHAIRLEY Better watch what we eat, or well end up like that security guard. They all laugh and walk off into the distance. FADE TO BLACK.

9. THE END