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The idea of the victim mentality is thrown around a lot in pop culture and
casual conversation to refer to people who seem to wallow in negativity
and force it upon others.
It’s not a formal medical term. In fact, most health professionals avoid it
due to the stigma surrounding it.
People who feel trapped in a state of victimization often do express a lot
of negativity, but it’s important to realize significant pain and distress
often fuel this mindset.
This leaves them feeling vulnerable, which can result in difficult emotions
and behaviors. Here’s a look at some of those.
Avoiding responsibility
Someone who fails to consider those reasons may not learn or grow from
the experience and could end up facing the same situation again.
People who come from a place of victimization may show little interest in
trying to make changes. They may reject offers of help, and it may seem
like they’re only interested in feeling sorry for themselves.
But this period should have a definite end point. After that, it’s more
helpful to begin working toward healing and change.
A sense of powerlessness
Many people who feel victimized believe they lack power to change their
situation. They don’t enjoy feeling downtrodden and would love for things
to go well.
But life continues to throw situations at them that, from their perspective,
they can do nothing to succeed or escape.
But in her practice, she more commonly works with people who
experience deep-seated psychological pain that makes change truly
seem impossible.
Each new difficulty can reinforce these unhelpful ideas until they’re firmly
entrenched in their inner monologue. Over time, negative self-talk can
damage resilience, making it harder to bounce back from challenges and
heal.
Lack of self-confidence
Those who do try to work toward what they want and fail may see
themselves as the victim of circumstances once again. The negative lens
they view themselves with can make it difficult to see any other
possibility.
These emotions can weigh heavily on people who believe they’ll always
be victims, building and festering when they aren’t addressed. Over time,
these feelings might contribute to:
angry outbursts
depression
isolation
loneliness
Past trauma
Betrayal
Codependency
As a result, they may feel frustrated and resentful about never getting
what they need, without acknowledging their own role in the situation.
Manipulation
Some people who take on the role of victim might seem to enjoy blaming
others for problems they cause, lashing out and making others feel
guilty, or manipulating others for sympathy and attention.
But, Botnick suggests, toxic behavior like this may be more often
associated with narcissistic personality disorder.
But remember that many people living with this mindset have faced
difficult or painful life events.
This doesn’t mean you have to take responsibility for them or accept
accusations and blame. But try to let empathy guide your response.
Avoid labeling
complaining
shifting blame
not accepting responsibility
feeling trapped or powerless
feeling like nothing makes a difference
Set boundaries
Some of the stigma around a victim mentality relates to the way people
sometimes blame others for problems or guilt-trip them about things that
haven’t worked out.
You can still have compassion and care for someone even though you
need to take space from them sometimes.
You may want to protect your loved one from situations where they might
feel further victimized. But this can drain your emotional resources and
may make the situation worse.
A better option can be to offer help (without fixing anything for them).
You can do this in three steps:
For example: “I know it seems no one wants to hire you. That must be
really frustrating. What does your ideal job look like?”
Try:
People who lack strong support networks and resources to help them
deal with trauma may have a harder time overcoming feelings of
victimization, so encouraging your loved one to talk to a therapist can
also help.
feel hopeless
believe they lack support
blame themselves
lack self-confidence
have low self-esteem
struggle with depression and PTSD
depression
relationship issues
a range of physical and emotional symptoms
Self-help books can also offer some guidance, according to Botnick, who
recommends “Pulling Your Own Strings.”