Transactional Analysis Journal

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Becoming a Therapist the Hard Way in Hard Times

Muriel James

To cite this article: Muriel James (1995) Becoming a Therapist the Hard Way in Hard Times,
Transactional Analysis Journal, 25:1, 47-52, DOI: 10.1177/036215379502500112

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 Becoming a Therapist the Hard Way in Hard Times
Muriel James
Abstract
Muriel James held many different jobs
before becoming a therapists' supervisor
and author. She discusses the relevance of
this and her association with Eric Berne.
I was about four years old when I decided
that I would never go to any university when I
grew up. At that time my father was a profes-
sor of biochemistry, so he and the rest of our
family regularly attended graduation exercises.
For me, walking across a big campus and
going up and down all those big grey stone
stairs in the university outdoor Greek Theater
where the ceremonies were held was too much
for my short legs. Besides, the whole thing
seemed boring with all those black robes and
stuff. Oh, the power of a decision made by a
four-year-old!
More than 30 years passed before I decided
to seek a higher education. However, I main-
tained negative thoughts about graduation
ceremonies and did not go to my own. Instead,
I had my diplomas mailed to me.
My formal learning about how to be a TA
therapist started about 1957 when I first met
Ken Everts and Eric Berne. I was then 40
years old and had learned many things the hard
way during hard times. My informal learning
about how to be a therapist may have started
when I was born February 14, 1917. My child-
hood was relatively OK; it was some of the life
experiences that came later that I would just as
soon forget but, in away, they became a sort
of preparation for becoming a therapist. Espe-
cially, it was the many kinds of jobs I had that
influencedmy later development. So this paper
focuses on the job aspect of my life, not on my
family life.
Vol. 25. No.1. January 1995
My first job was in 1934 when I was a
student at Lowell High School in San Fran-
cisco. It was singing with a big band at the
Fairmont Hotel-until my parents found out
and made me quit. What I learned on that job
is that people like to dance and laugh. It is not
surprising that many years later I wrote an
article on how to do laugh therapy. I often give
"homework" related to pleasure because I
strongly believe that therapy does not need to
be all gloom and doom and that recovering, or
developing, the capacity to enjoy life is crucial
for health.
The big depression hit and hit hard, and my
family was split apart. There were no financial
resources available to me, so I worked as a
clerk in a five-and-ten cent store. Later I was a
hostess for new homes just being marketed.
Next I modeled wedding dresses in a woman's
exclusive clothing store. In each of these
situations I learned that pleasing people can be
enjoyable.
Then World War II came and I joined the
Red Cross administrative staff. I taught and
supervised classes in first aid to some 2,000
teachers in San Francisco. This job also in-
cluded teaching first aid and evacuation proce-
dures to staff at the federal prison on Alcatraz
Island in San Francisco Bay. Another chal-
lenge of this job was that I had to learn lifesav-
ing almost instantly from my Olympic swim-
mer boss because the Red Cross was asked to
teach swimming and water safety to U.S. Navy
instructors on Treasure Island so that the
sailors who couldn't swim would not drown in
trying to get to a life raft.
The job became a little more complicated
when I had to learn to drive. My older brother
hadn't taught me much with his Model A Ford,
and I suddenly was called upon to drive a Red
47
MURIEL JAMES
Cross pickup truck at night during a black-out
when only official cars were allowed on the
streets.
What I learned with the Red Cross that
served me later as a therapist is that people can
and will cooperate in crisis, and they can also
learn survival skills easily during crisis.
The job with the Red Cross did not pay
enough for me to meet my obligations, so in
1943, at age 26, I became a safety engineer in
the shipyards in California evaluating the
kinds of jobs that women could learn to do,
such as riveting and welding. In addition, I
taughtgovernment-designed courses on leader-
ship, supervision, and safety procedures to
shipyard foremen. During the one-how' com-
mute each way from San Francisco to Rich-
mond, I taught first aid on the ferry boat. After
work, for two nights a week, I was a volunteer
nurse's aide with new babies at Stanford
Hospital.
Meanwhile, finances got even tougher. I had
two children and others who needed my help,
so, in addition to the shipyards, I had to work
briefly on a swing shift, cutting up steel in a
foundry. What I learned in these years that
helped me as a therapist is that often, though
not always, the old slogan is true, "Where
there is a will, there is a way."
After the war I wanted to stay home with my
children, so I developed a direct mail advertis-
ing firm that I ran from my dining room. Each
week there were thousands and thousands of
envelopes to be addressed by women in the
neighborhood who came to the house, took
them home to address, brought them back, and
were paid so much per thousand. What I did
was to get the contracts and take the mail to
the post office, and I learned that there are
ways to earn money without leaving home. So
my therapy office has always been very close
to where I live as I don't want to use my time
commuting.
In the early 1950s my work changed again.
Teachers were in short supply in Oakland,
California. Although I was not qualified aca-
demically, I was given a special teaching
credential. I enjoyed children, could manage a
classroom, and somehow could teach. Eventu-
ally I taught every grade from kindergarten up
through doctoral studies seminars. What did I
48
learn? About the importance of relationships to
children and to the Child in the grown-up.
Sometimes I hear myself saying, "Good ther-
apy is educational, and good education is
therapeutic, and what happens between us is
part of the curriculum."
At age 36 I decided it was time to seek an
academic education because at that time I had
only had those euphemistic "life experiences"
and what I had learned in high school. To get
over my anxiety I started by taking a once-a-
week adult education class. It was on the New
Testament Letters of Paul and was held in a
large auditorium. Although the rest of the
school was crowded with adults going to
classes, I was the only one in the auditorium.
I remember the rather formal, mature-looking
professor sitting alone on the stage.
When nobody else came in I said shyly,
"Well, I guess you will be canceling the class."
He said, "Not at all. I agreed that I would be
here to teach the course and evidently you
planned the same, so let's start. What do you
already know about the subject and what do
you want to learn?" So, without either one of
us knowing it, we had agreed on what was
later called in TA a "contract."
I explained my total ignorance of the Bible,
and he taught me that the way to understand
Paul was to understand the history and culture
of the places Paul had visited, including Cy-
prus, Corinth, Athens, Rome, and Ephesus. He
had me draw a map on cloth with colored
pencils to trace Paul's journeys in the ancient
world. A quiet and thoughtful teacher, he
treated me as if I were as important as a whole
auditorium of students. What a learning expe-
rience it was, and one I could use later when
doing therapy: knowing that close attention
given to one person can enable that person to
make the next move and perhaps positively
affect the lives of others. My next step was to
enroll in a three-year master's program in
theology, for which I was not qualified be-
cause I did not yet have a bachelor's degree. I
learned something important when the dean
admitted me to this graduate program, in
which I was the only woman! Aside from the
theological material, I learned that there are
men who do accept the potential of women. I
also learned that women can manage to live
Transactional AnalysisJournal
 BECOMING A THERAPIST THE HARD WAY IN HARD TIMES
and learn in situations that are sometimes very
uncomfortable.
I remember the first academic paper I wrote.
It was about the biblical book of Amos, and it
was returned with the professor's comment,
"Very creative thinking. Now if you read (such
and such a book), you will learn how to write
an academicpaper." That comment was a great
affirmation and highly useful. It taught me
about the importance of identifying clients'
positive attributes early in therapy. Then they
become more able to discover for themselves
what they need to do to achieve their goals. As
Galileo said, "You can't teach a person any-
thing, you can only help him discover it for
himself." This may not be totally accurate, but
the principle is basic to TA.
Sometime later the dean told me that I could
not graduate with a master's degree unless I
first had a bachelor's degree. He encouraged
me to go get it, so I did. I received my B.A. in
1956 from the University of California at
Berkeley. Studying in both schools concur-
rently and taking twice as many units as was
customary, I received both degrees within a
year of each other-my master of divinity in
1957.
None of this was easy, financially or in other
ways. It was always hard. I was the oldest
freshman on a U.C. campus and also had to
work to pay my tuition. The only time I had
free to study was from 2 to 5 a.m. Then I
would roll over and go to sleep hoping that the
studying would be integrated at a deeper level
than just my conscious mind.
After getting my master's, I was ordained
and served as associate minister in a large
suburban church for several years. There I
concluded that the education in spiritual mat-
ters that was available to lay people at the time
was not adequate for the changing world.
So, in 1959 I founded and was appointed
dean of an adult education extension school
that was a cooperative venture between theo-
logical schools and denominations. Over
several years, about 6,000 adults attended a
wide variety of secular and religious programs
that were given in the San Francisco Bay Area.
Courses were taught on the life and work of
theologians such as Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Paul
Tillich, and Martin Buber. Conferences were
Vol. 25. No.1. January 1995
held on "Women: Their Choices and Chances"
and "Crisis: Here and Now." People such as
Viktor Frankl lectured, he on the topic of
"Man's Search For Meaning." And I learned
about the intensive hunger of many people for
knowledge that is intellectually stimulating
and can be applied to life.
Meanwhile, I was working on my doctoral
studies at the University of California, Berke-
ley, and received my doctorate in education in
1964. I chose that degree because of my inter-
est in the psychology of adult education, and I
wanted to write my doctoral dissertation on
crisis and survival in the ancient world. It was
a subject so dear to my heart, probably be-
cause I attributed my own survival to the
struggle for an education.
Then languages became a problem. When I
was in the bachelor's program I had received
special permission from the university so that
I would not have to meet its stringent language
requirements. I had pleaded that I was too old,
had too many family responsibilities, and
would never have the chance to travel interna-
tionally. Little did I know! To date I have
lectured or led workshops in 26 different
countries. How I wish I had studied languages
back then.
In my doctoral studies, two Jewish profes-
sors from the Department of Near Eastern
Languages were on my dissertation committee
of five. They told me it would take at least 10
years to learn ancient Hebrew for a PhD. I
didn't want to spend my time that way and I
also felt stupid. Even with honor grades, I
doubted my ability to learn languages. They
cautioned me that they strongly doubted that I
would be able to prove what I wanted to prove.
Yet they referred me to the very best transla-
tions of ancient writings, and when my disser-
tation was written and my orals completed,
they applauded me with enthusiasm. From this
I learned the value of hope when goals have
meamng.
My dissertation was in a subject that still
fascinates me today. It was on national and
international crisis, and the survival of the
Hebrew people from 1800 B.C. to 220 AD.
because of their emphasis on education. (Don't
ever get me started talking about it; I may not
be able to stop.)
49
MURIEL JAMES
Meanwhile, it was while teaching philos-
ophy and procedures of adult education at the
university that I became increasingly aware of
how psychological issues often interfere with
students' capacities to learn, especially their
capacities for independent thinking.
So I decided to get advanced training as a
therapist, become state licensed, and seek the
best internships and supervision that could be
arranged. One internship was with patients in
a private hospital in Berkeley; another was in
a large state mental hospital.
My supervision was on Friday afternoons. I
occasionally thought of those days as "Fry
Muriel Days" because sometimes I would feel
as if! were in a frying pan. I had four supervi-
sors at the same time, every week from 2 to 4
p.m., and I was the only supervisee. Usually I
played a tape of a patient I was working with
and each of the four would express his or her
opinion. As they had different backgrounds,
training, and interests, they sometimes dis-
agreed. I may have learned as much by listen-
ing to their disagreements as I did when they
were giving me direct supervision.
Ken Everts, a psychiatrist and past-president
of the ITAA, was one of these four. He taught
me something highly important. As you know,
supervision often involves some criticism from
supervisors and defensive maneuvers from
supervisees. He insisted that before defending
my work in the face of criticism, I say out
loud, "I wonder if by any chance that could
possibly be true?"
That was hard to learn. It seemed like a very
long sentence, and it was also very effective.
The process of saying it out loud began to
amuse my Child and put my Adult in the
executive position so that I could evaluate the
supervisors' comments with less contamina-
tion.
One day Ken loaned me Eric Berne's first
paper on ego states. I found it fascinating.
When Ken asked me if I wanted to meet Eric,
I was delighted. Eric had two offices, one in
San Francisco and the other about 50 miles
away in Carmel. I started going to his 202
seminars on Tuesday evenings in San Fran-
cisco, and he soon became my supervisor.
Each week I took a tape to which I had
listened 6 to 10 times. He expected me to
50
know exactly what was on it. "Turn on the tape
at the beginning of a game," he might say. Or,
"Let me hear you working with a client's
script." Or, "Where's the contract?" Or, with
a sly look, "What ego state do you think they
should be paying you for?"
Concurrently, I was teaching a course to 300
graduate students at the University of Califor-
nia on the "Philosophy and Principles of Adult
Education" which had a popular TA compo-
nent built into it. I was also teaching TA with
a focus on communication skills to a number
of government agencies and corporations and
was on the dissertation committees of several
doctoral students. I enjoyed it all.
About this same time I directed a group
home and a day-treatment center for disturbed
adolescents and another center for adults
where they could come for education and/or
therapy. The staff was good, the interns eager
to learn, and the challenges constant.
After finishing my dissertation I had vowed
that I would never write anything again. Yet
when Eric asked me to write a chapter on
pastoral counseling for his first book. The
Mind in Action, which he revised and renamed
A Laymen 's Guide to Psychiatry and Psycho-
analysis. I said "Yes."
I felt even more affirmed by him when, in
1968, he asked me to go to the University of
Buenos Aires and lecture for him because he
was suddenly unable to go. That same year we
presented TA in Vienna at a conference on
psychodrama. I remember him talking about
"psychological games and rackets. " Later
some participants asked me how he used tennis
rackets in TA!
Thus, Argentina and Austria were my first
experiences teaching TA in other countries and
were very useful for learning more about the
importance of cultural scripts. However, they
were not my first international teaching experi-
ences. About 10 years earlier I was one of two
appointed representatives from the United
States to a conference on literacy that was
organized by the World Council of Churches.
We met in Bossey, Switzerland, for 10 days.
Each person explained what was being done
about literacy in his or her own country. So I
learned about the importance of cultural scripts
before I ever heard the phrase. It is so clear
Transactional Analysis Journal
 BECOMING A THERAPIST THE HARD WAY IN HARD TIMES
that every country has some unique scripts,
and that there are also multiple scripts within
any country. We learned about differing cul-
tural values from each other. Some moments
of that experience are as real to me today as
they were then.
Regarding scripts within a country, I well
remember 1964 when I marched for civil
rights with Martin Luther King, Jr. in Selma,
Alabama. I became much more aware of the
tragedy of discrimination when marching in
the face of ridicule and under the threat of
machine guns. Some of what I learned was
heartbreaking, as it was when I was part of an
interracial team that was called into California
high schools to avert riots after Dr. King's
assassination.
Of course many times in my life I had expe-
rienced discrimination due to gender. On any
job I usually was paid less than men with
similar experience and training. At the ship-
yards, for example, male safety engineers
received 5% a week more than those who were
female, although they did the same work.
When I was part of the first California Com-
mission on the Status of Women, we held
public hearings, and I learned to my dismay
about the rampant discrimination due to gen-
der, on the job and in the academic arena.
However, I don't think people are to be
blamed today for many past "abuses" when
public awareness was low and equal opportu-
nity laws had not yet been created. Too often
in therapy, psychological games are initiated
with "Ain't It Awful" and "If It Weren't For
Them" to avoid personal responsibility for
changing current injustices.
In the late 1960s, Dorothy Jongeward and I
met when we were on a panel together. I think
it was for the Y.M.C.A. We had similar inter-
ests so we decided to write a book that would
be solidly based on Berne's writings. It was to
be for people who were interested in under-
standing themselves and others and how to
communicate more effectively. It took us
almost three years to finish and was published
in 1971, the year after Eric died. It was Born to
Win: Transactional Analysis With Gestalt
Experiments, published by Addison-Wesley
Publishing Company. For the company, known
for publishing fine textbooks in mathematics
Vol. 25. No.1. January 1995
and science, it was an experimental book. This
was a new field and a new style of writing, and
the company was very uncertain about whether
or not it would sell. Originally only 3,000
copies were printed. However, it gradually
became very popular, is still selling, and has
been translated into many languages.
Partly due to this, as well as to my interna-
tional traveling and workshops, my interest in
cultural scripts has continued to deepen. So
has my awareness of the importance of under-
standing, loving, and protecting each other,
even if we sometimes differ on some interna-
tional issues. I see the ITAA as an ongoing
learning situation for this.
When I was asked to run for president of the
ITAA, I said "No, definitely no." Although I
have sometimes been in charge of various
organizations, I try to avoid it. Being in charge
of myself seems like a big enough job some-
times. However, with some nudging I decided
it was all right to run for president. I decided
this on the basis that if I were president I could
increase international cultural awareness and,
perhaps, enlarge the scope of TA to include
concepts of spirituality. So I served from 1980-
82. Whether I reached my goal or not, the
journey has been worth the hard learning in
hard times.
As for my relationship to Eric? Well, he was
different with different people. With me he
was always highly ethical, and at the same
time he had a sense of humor. I remember
once I told him I was going to discontinue
supervision because it took too much time and
money. He said, "Muriel, I'll make a bet with
you that, if you continue supervision, within
six months you will double your income as a
therapist." One day I went to see him and
announced, "Guess what Eric, I've tripled my
income." "Guess what," he responded, "I've
just tripled the fee I charge you for supervi-
sion." I gasped and continued. It was a good
investment in learning how to be a better
therapist.
As a listener, Eric was superb. As a teacher
he encouraged me to develop new TA theory
and techniques with his comment, "Take what
you learn from me and build on it." Once
when I presented a paper on the "Cure of Impo-
tency" and received some sexist remarks from
51
MURIEL JAMES
a nationally known therapist who was not in
TA, Eric interrupted and like a knight on
horseback charged into the fray. Later in the
lobby, he came up to me and said strongly,
"Muriel, get that published now, and keep on
writing." Having done both, 1 can see the value
of occasionally giving and receiving advice.
Another validation for me as a therapist
came just before he had a heart attack that led
to his death. He asked me for two appoint-
ments so he could come to see me as a patient.
1 asked him, "Why me, Eric?" He replied, "1
need a fairy godmother like you." His hospi-
talization and death precluded his keeping our
appointments, so 1 could only guess what they
might have been about.
As for the way I felt at his death? In my
book, Techniques in Transactional Analysis
for Psychotherapists and Counselors, I used a
few lines by Edwin Markham as a dedication
to Eric. They say it better than any of my
words.
And when he fell in whirlwind, he went
down
As when a lordly cedar, green with
boughs,
Goes down with a great shout upon a hill,
And leaves a lonesome place against the
sky.
***
As for me now? What have I learned in writing
this article that will be useful to my ongoing
work as a therapist? I've learned that 1 wish 1
52
had taken more time, not to smell the pine
trees and high mountains (l have always done
that, even in hard times), but to learn con-
situtional law and how to tap dance. Learning
the first would be useful with the two books 1
am currently writing. Learning how to tap
dance, and doing it, would give me a lift and a
bounce that I sometimes want before a chal-
lenging therapy or supervision session or
before making a speech.
Perhaps it is not too late, after all, I'm only
77 years old and do not plan to retire. 1 enjoy
doing what I'm doing, and I have on my mirror
a statement by the philosopher and psycholo-
gist, William James (unfortunately not a rela-
tive of mine). The statement says, "1 will act as
if what I do makes a difference."
Muriel James, u.tn«. Ed.D., ITA4 Past-
President, is a Teaching and Supervising
Transactional Analyst (clinical, educational,
and organizational). The author of 17 books
in J9 languages plus J5 articles, she is in
private practice in Lafayette, California, and
is also an international lecturer, consultant,
and workshop leader. Her latest books are
Passion for Life: Psychology and the Human
Spirit (coauthored with her son, John James),
The Better Boss in Multicultural Organizations
and Hearts on Fire: Romance and Achieve-
ment in the Lives of Great Women. Please
send reprint requests to Muriel James, Ed.D.,
725 St. Mary's Rd., Lafayette, CA 94549,
USA.
Transactional Analysis Journal