Just need help.

Wish someone can heal me at least from antipsychotics damage, taken away
EVERYTHING that made me be me, loss of creativity, loss of enjoyment for anything I felt, or feel
any good emotions, loss of even style and more, everything. Can’t seem to explain what’s wrong
with me but it’s severe and don’t know how get the right help or even know what to do and for once
in my life I don’t feel I can heal myself and wish someone can heal me and bring me back to my
normal self. Many know what caused their mental illness or psychotic episodes, i don’t even know
what led me to be on antipsychotics. Many are ok living normal lives w/meds and many ok once
weaning off. But they know their diagnosis and know how to treat it. I’m neither bipolar nor
schizophrenic. Usually everything has a solution but I don’t feel there’s one for what I’m going
through. I was one to always be positive and always help people and put them first to help them.
Always had a love for animals, nature, arts and music and such. I’ve overcome a lot in life but can’t
seem to overcome whatevs I’m going through and need help. I was always a happy person with
humor and silliness. The one that would always uplift others and be positive and help and volunteer
work and go out of my way for others and put others first. All my Libra traits went with me not
because I followed them but were just me. My mom died of cancer and but was able to pull myself
together and went on a spiritual but not religious path once she passed. I became vegetarian mainly
vegan, listened to positive spiritual people, did a guided meditation one time and felt like an out of
body experience and just craved nothing but raw food after veggies n fruits. I got to a point of pure
bliss. Felt nothing could bring me down and felt lots of love and compassion. I was always
compassionate and full of love but just felt it on a whole other level. I was an empath as well and
would feel what goes around in the world or suffering. Just felt one with everyone and everything
and with the universe. Something happened that brought me down and was traumatic for me. My
brothers kicked my boyfriend out of the house and was an ugly traumatic scene for me. 😔 my arms
were being held back by one of my brothers and I was crying and they didn’t care. They didn’t have
a right to do that, I felt betrayed by my family after I had always been there for them and took on
mom’s responsibilities. Once my bf moved out we started having lots of problems and underwent
lots of sadness, and anger and emotions held in for at least 6months straight and feel into a deep
depression and just cried a lot at one point and dropped down to 90pounds. It was then followed by
a physical injury and fractured my knee cap which was mentally and physically draining. Wouldn’t
take meds at all for the pain. I the was recommended to go to a reiki healer to help with depression. I
went and told him my problems about my relationship. I had told my boyfriend for him to move back
before we deteriorate. Once man finished doin reiki, he told me I was going to feel confused. I wasn’t
able to sleep, time passed and I started not feeling right. I had developed a weird type of anxiety. I
remember feeling I had no love for my boyfriend because he’s not spiritual but it wasn’t what I
wanted, idk why I felt that when I wanted him to move back in and couldn’t understand why. He had
put in his notice to move in but by then I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t know what was going on and felt
ok if he moves in maybe I’ll feel love for him again. I said ok for him to move in but then felt a weird
anxiety. I was to return to work but I knew I wasn’t feeling ok and something was wrong with me and
felt this way for a while in May of last year Some sort of panic and anxiety or something. I remember
then not feeling anything about my step dad not feeling well. Idk what happened that I was feeling
like no other time in my life and something felt wrong. I mention some background because I’m not
sure what the cause of me not feeling well led me to meds whether it was my vegetarian diet or a
combination of things. I returned to work in May since I had been off from February n said I told
coworkers i missed them and I’ll try to come in the next day but said it because I knew I wasn’t
feeling well. I spoke to the HR, we went to get food but it was so hard for me to stay still in line so I’d
walk away and would walk back when she’d turn and look for me and I’d do it again.