Vol.37,No.

12 HEAD OFFICE:MONTREAL, DECEMBER1956

On Beinga MaturePerson
HE richness
or povertyof ourlivesdependsupon happensto a personbut the way he takesit. The
T ourmaturity.Everyyear,everyevent,offersus responses
tolifeof a matureperson
areofgoodquality
theopportunityformatureor immatureresponses. and canbe countedon.
Onesignof growthin maturityis ourreadinessto Thecontrarystate,immaturity,
is markedby adult-
learnwhatis expectedof us underconditions
of life infantilism,in whicha personhasreachedmaturity
thatarechanging everyday.Whatwassuitablein the of physical
development,butremainsan infantin his
worldas it was lastyearmay notdo at all in the response
to theproblemsandobligations
oflife.
circumstances
of tomorrow. Whatarematureactions?
In thesmallercircleof ourownpersonality,too, The maturepersontendsnot to be clumsyin his
therearecontinuingchanges.
Noneof us is altogether associationwithotherpeople.He thinksabouthow
andalwayseitherbrilliant
or stupid.
Thebrightestof thethingheproposesto dowillaffect hisneighbours’
us haveperiodswhenwe seemfeeble-minded, andthe lives.Heseekstogiveotherpeople roomsothatthey,
dullestof us are sometimes
blessedwqthsharpwit. too,maymature.He haslearned theimportantlesson
Mostof uswishto bemature,becausethatseemsto be thathe whowalksin crowdsmuststepaside,keephis
theonlystatein whichwe cancopewithourproblems. elbowsin,stepbackor sidewise,or evendetourfrom
Variousauthorshavelaidstressuponseparate thestraightway,accordingto whathe encounters.
virtuesincluded in the maturity of a humanbeing: It is allverywellto try,onceina while, to think
responsibility,
independence,generosity,co-operative- strictly personal thoughts,butwe quickly cometo see
ness,goodwill, integrity,adaptability, andskillin thatwe livein relationships. Familylifehelpsour
separatingfactandfancy. children to growfromstageto stageof confidence,
Whatever traitis emphasized, the matureperson skill,responsibility andunderstanding.Ourhomespre-
willshowskillinhandling theevents andtests of life parepeopleforthelarger andmoreexacting relation-
in sucha way as to producethe greatest possible shipsof a worldwheresocial andpolitical sensehave
amountof happiness withthesmallest possible amount notprogressed as faras havescientific andtechnical
ofstress. skills.
Themature personlivessignificantlyforhimself and The maturepersonhas graduatedfrom home and
formankind. He rejectsthetemptation to be always schoolwithsomeawareness of the requirements of
neutralor safe,to be a mereinvalid or a minorin a society. He wantsto sharein thehumanenterprise of
protectedcorner. He is toobusywithgratifying work getting outof thejungleframeof mind,of building
to engagein triflingthings, andtoowellbalanced to a community whereinhe may grow.He develops from
payattention to miracleworkersandjugglers. thestageof thinking: "Pleasehelpme",through"I
Thatis not a lazylife.The maturepersonis not cantakecareof myself" to "Pleaseletme helpyou."
passivelyreceivingbutiscreatively acting. He hasa Sharingis a vitalpartof maturing. Mostof the
sense6frelative valuesanda feelingforconsequences.significance we attaingrowsoutof ourcontribution to
Heconfrontslifewithsomeboldness. thelives of others.Theperson inanexecutive position,
One principle thatmarksmaturity in anywalkof fromthe president of a greatcompanydownto the
life--inbusiness,inprivatelifeorinnationalaffairs-- foremanof a smallgang, putshisimprint on history
is this:thedetermining elementis notso muchwhat throughthe people underhis direction.
He buildstheir
strengths
andreduces
theirlimitations.
He givesthem thoughtsthatourmaturity appears. OUtof thismargin
opportunities
to becometheirownmostmatureselves. forinitiativewedevelopourspecial handlingof situa-
Thiscanbe,as StephenVincentBen&remarkedin one tionsanddesires.
of hisessays,
themostconspicuousenterprise
of the It is importantforourmaturity thatwe learnto
humanbeing. acceptourselvesas we are,without trying to be what
Downthrough theages,humanlifehas reliedupon wear.enot.We areat a disadvantage if welacka skill
an instinctive
senseof obligation
on thepartof those we shouldliketo have;if we needmoneywe haven’t
mostgenerouslyendowed.Thisis bornof thesternest got;if we arelesshandsome thanourneighbours: but
raciallaw we know:the perpetuation of any group frankrecognition
of ourplight willsaveus fromfeeling
demandsthatall the variedresources withinthat humiliated.
groupbe releasedto mosteffectiveuse.It is as the TheGreekplay-writer, Aristophanes, caricatured
humanracegrowsintofullestapplication of this thephilosopherSocrates in hisdramaTheClouds, and
demandof lifethatit matures.Anda personremains allAthens roaredwithlaughter. Socrates wentto see
immature,whateverhisage,so longas he thinksof theplay,andwhenthecaricature cameon thestage
himself
as an exception
to thelaw. he stoodup so thatthe audience mightbetterenjoy
It isnotenough, however,
to givelipservicetosuch the comicmaskthatwas designed to burlesque him.
a belief.The titleof a bookby Harryand Bonaro In thatactionhe gavean evidenceof hismaturity.
Overstreet, justpublished (W.W. Norton& Co.Inc., Therearepeople whokeepup theirfeeling of super-
NewYork)is significant of themeaningof maturity. iority bystrutting in whattheythinkof asdignity, by
It is:TheMindGoesForth.Thematurepersonis not beingunapproachable, by beingincessantly busy.They
living in a roomlinedwithmirrors, butin a sunroom takeappreciation forgranted, andlookuponcriticism
withwindows. The personwho is completelywrapped as an impertinence.
up in himself makesonlya smallpackage. Self-love, we arereminded by AlfredKorzybski in
Inspite ofdoubts his book Science and Sanity, is frequently referredto under
thefigureof theGreekmythical character Narcissus.
Evena maturepersonmay be tornon occasion by He,seeing hisreflection in a pool,became so engrossed
indecision aboutwhathe oughtto preserve anddevelop inself-adoration thatherejected theattentions ofVenus
in hislife,butthisexercise of wrestling withdoubt andwaskilled.
contributes towardourexpanding maturity. We learn
Suchself-centredness is natural in earlychildhood,
to submit to whatwe cannot avoid,to banish desirefor
but "serious dangers, and even tragedies, beginwhen
theimpossible fromourminds,andto seekattainable
some of the infantile or narcissistic semantic charac-
objects worthyof ourthought andeffort.
teristics arecarried overintothelifeofthegrown-ups."
In a maturepersontheprogressive tendencyis not
ThomasBulfinch goesa sombrestepfurtherin The
easilydiverted fromitscourseby doubtor fear.He
Age of Fable. He reports thatwhentheshadeofNarcissus
livesamidideaswhichneverbefore existedon earth.
was being ferried over the Stygian riveritleaned over
Notallaregoodideas, buttheyareallbustling ideas
thatmakerigidity difficult andunhealthy. We need, the side of the boat to catch a glimpse of itself in the
waters.
sometimes, to yieldlikethebending reedbesidea river
in flood,rather thandefythefloodlikeanobstinately- Far-fetched thoughsuchmythsmayseem,theyhave
clinging tree,andbe sweptaway. practical value in manyareasof lifetoday. Lookatthe
commoncase of a youngman or a youngwoman,un-
Thematurepersonwillallowhisfancyto suggest
ableto settle downin a jobor at home,disorganized
aimsandpurposes, buthe willbringhisreason to bear
in mindandact,yetexpertin describing personal
uponthembeforecommitting himself. He knowsthat mentaland emotionalsymptoms.Such peoplehave
he cannotdo whathe likeswithanything: he cando focussed on themselves without relating themselves to
onlywhatcanbe clonewithit.He willchoosefrom theirenvironment.
whatis possible whathe judgesforhisinterest, and
Whileit wouldbe a mistake to be forever examining
worktowardit with patienceand determination,
oneself, themature person willtakea look,oncein a
making allowance fortheunexpected andtheirrational
while, to seehowhe is measuring up in thecontext of
influences thatmayseektointerfere withhisplans.
hislife. He willnotshuthimself up withhisthoughts,
Qualities ofthought butwilllettheaircurrents oftheworldventilate his
Everypersonis thecentreof hisownuniverse, and mind.
so he should seekto knowhimself as adequately as he Out of meditationwill come wisdom,a quality
can.We may be influenced by our environment and associated withmaturity. Andwhatis wisdom? Isn’tit
ourupbringing, but it is in thefreemarginof our largely theability to bring together a factthatonehas

t2)
freshlydiscovered and a generalprinciple thatwas
deposited longago in the archives of our memory?
These,factsandprinciples, are usedby the mature
personforthinking, forreaching judgmentsaboutthe
relative
valuesofthings.
Younevercanbe sureof thewholetruthofanyfact
or situationbutyoucan reacha stateof practical
certaintythatenablesyouto makeinformed choices
betweencoursesofaction. Thatis an indeliblemarkof
maturity:to be ableto makechoices thatareas wise
as ourbestthoughtcanmakeonthebasisoffactsknown
to us.Thenwe arematching ourselveswithlife.
Qualities
ofcharacter
Guidingthedecisions
andchoices of a mature
person
is a philosophy
oflife,a senseof whathe wantstobe.
Therearecertain basicvaluesandvirtuesthatneed To useanymask,sayH. S. andG. L. Elliottin their
to be preserved
at allcosts:forexample thefeeling counselling manualSolvingPersonalProblems(Henry
thatlifehasa purposeandthebeliefthatthere
issome- Holt& Co. Inc.)is to be afraidto attemptsuccess
thingin one’sjudgmentsof justice
andtruthwhichis
in harmonywiththenature of theuniverse.
The maturepersonneed not be a confirmedcon-
formist.He maybe a ruggedindividualist,
buthe will
beas rugged inhisadherenceto basicprinciples
as he
isinself-reliance.Hewillrecognize,
buthewillnotbe
afraidof,thefactthattherearethreegreatquestions
in lifewhichhe mustansweroverandoveragain: is it
rightorwrong?isittrueorfalse?isitbeautiful
orugly?
In answeringthesequestionsa manwillfindprin-
ciplesof farmorevaluetohimthana libraryof books,
or a den decoratedwithdiplomas.The principles
contributeto hismaturityby enlarginghisthinking,
by helpinghim to avoidconfusion, by rescuinghim
from prolongeddebate.They give him a base for
decisionandaction.Theyarelikethenorthstar,the
compassandthelighthouse to a sailor:theykeephim
on hiscourse despite
windsandcurrent andweather.
Somepeopleconfuse principleswithrules.A prin-
cipleis something insideone;a ruleis an outward
restriction.To obeya principleyouhaveto useyour
mentalandmoralpowers; to obeya ruleyouhaveonly
to do whattherulesays.Dr.FrankCranepointed the
differenceneatly:"A rulesupportsus by thearm-pits
overlife’s mountain
passes;a principlemakesus sure-
footed."
Sense
ofresponsibility
Thisintroducesthethought of responsibility.
The
manof maturecharacter is a man whocan be relied
upon.Hisqualitiesarepredictable.He isa goodsecu-
rityriskforhimself,hisfamily, hisemployerandhis
neighbours.
The matureman doesnot transferthe blamefor
personalmisfortune
to anyoneelse-- hisparents,his
employers,hiscircumstances.To refuse
to risktaking
responsibilitywherefailureis possible
is a childish
course.To passon responsibility forwhatwe do to
someoneelseis to bringshameuponourhumandignity.
If we are to learnto be maturewe mustacceptthe
willingness
tofailaswellastheability tosucceed;
to
acceptthe consequences of whatwe do bothin the
choresoflifeandinoursearch forbetter
things.
Self-deceptioncannotbe tolerated
in maturity.
We
smilepityingly at theconceitsof Don Quixote,
who
was ableto deceivehimself thatthe windmills
were
giants, butin ourown age,we see menwhowillnot
lookat things
astheyare,butas theywishthemto be,
andareruined.
Someofus wearmasks, to delude
ourselves
orothers.
through one’sown abilities.Manyan employeetries
to acta rolewhichhisemployer endures
ratherthan
admires. An executivehavinga difficult-to-answer
letteron hisdeskmaydontheself-deceptive maskof
busyness, makingit impossible
forhimto getaround
to his correspondence.Anyonemayputoff decision-
makingby thesimpledeviceof donninga maskunder
coverof whichhe analysesandre-analyses
a problem,
postponing themomenthe fears.
Qualities
ofaction
Themindneedsto be storedwithsignificant facts
we observeandascertain.Maturity hasitssayabout
thecareandzealwithwhichwecollect thisknowledge.
Thescientist,saidDr.DavidH. Fink,himselfa neuro-
psychiatrist,
canspenda lifetime studying
thewayof
a snakeon a rock,buta childrunsaroundthe zoo
fromcagetocage,looking
onlyatthesurfaces ofthings.
In thesameway,manya person, afterreturning from
a foreign
trip,reads
books
describingthesamelocalities,
andwonders whyhe sawso littlewhereotherssawso
much.
Whenwe cometo usewhathasbeenstored,we use
anotherelementin maturity:
self-control.We assay
thefactsanddelayouractions untilwe decidejust
howandhowwelltheywillmeetthenecessities of the
situation.
Tolstoywrote:"Thereneverhasbeen,and
cannotbe,a goodlifewithoutself-control." More
recently,Lord Beaverbrooksaid that a man "can
onlykeephisjudgment intact,hisnervessoundand
hismindsecureby theprocessof self-discipline."
Self-controlin thematurepersonmeansabandon-
mentof the childlikeimmaturities
shownin anger,
hate,crueltyandbelligerency.
Blustering
andweight-
throwing
arenotsignsof maturity.
It is notmature
to
)
pusha situationto thepointwhereit canno longer
hold,buthastogivewayunderthepressure weinflict
uponit.
Self-control
isa factor
in self-confidence,
oneofthe
pointsby whichwe judgematurity. Thebackbone of
confidenceisone’sfaithin thevalidityof one’sown
judgment.
Buta maturepersonis notunwisely self-sure. He
doesn’tunderestimatethechancesof missingan open
goal.He is notledastrayby conceit
intoan unproved
belief
inhisability.
Working
toward
maturity
Education playsitsbig partin preparing us for
maturity, buteducation is nota thingto haveandto
be finished with.At whateverstageof lifewe maybe,
it is wholesome to say:"I am a student."
Everyone in modernsocietyis confronted witha
complexseriesof newsituations whicheducation in
hisyouth,no matterhowgood,couldneverequiphim
tomeet.
Adulteducation is nota wayof makingup forlack
of juniorschooling ortechnicaltraining.
Itis,rather,
trying to doa notable thing: to recognize
adulthoodas
a significant period,and to providestimulusand
training for mindsthathavegrownbeyondthe easy
judgments of youth.
Adultsdo not needto accumulate moreheapsof
knowledge, but to lookfor the ideasthatcontrol
thoughts aboutconditions. In thenineteenthcentury
we saw the growthand acceptanceof elementary
education; in thefirsthalfof thiscentury we have
seen the developmentof secondaryand higher
education. Itmaybethatthelatter halfofourcentury
willseeadulteducation cometo fullstatureas a phase
of an advancing anddynamic culture,necessaryto our
maturityifnottooursurvival.
"One of the fatalitiesof our culture,"says
H.A. Overstreet in The MatureMind (W.W.Norton
& Co.Inc.,NewYork)"hasbeenthatit hasidealized
immaturity. Childhood has seemedto be the happy
time."Thetruth isthatnow,forthefirsttimeintheir
lives,adults possessgrown-upeyes.Theycanputinto
effecta wisdomaboutlifethatchildhoodandyouthare
unableto possess. Thisis thetimewhenallthepre-
paringsof earlieryears
cancometotheirfruition.
Theyoungmaybuildthemselvesimaginative
castles,
butaspartoftheirmaturity
theylearntotakeofftheir
coats,
gointothequarries
oflife, chisel
outtheblocks
ofstone,andbuildthemwithmuchtoilintothecastle
walls.
Another
lookat maturity
It is evidentfromwhathasgonebeforethatthe
maturemanis not onewho has grownup and settled
downin hisjobor hishomeor hiscommunity.He is
a growingman, becomingemancipatedfrom the
limitation
of hispresent
placeas newvistasopenup
beforehim.
Onlythosewho haveweighedthe issuesand have
decidedto staywheretheyarecanpleadoutof such
a forward-lookingendeavour. Theirdecision may be
quiteintelligent
ifwe grantthemtheirgoalof escaping
trouble.Because
of theirlackof knowledgeandwisdom,
lesswillbe demandedof them,and if theycommit
errorstheywillnotbeharshly blamedforthem.Ifthey
faileconomically,someone-- a relative
or theState
--willpreventtheirstarving.Peoplewiththatoutlook
wouldbe foolsnotto be stupid, remarkedDr.Alfred
Adler
caustically.
Thatremindsus thatopen-mindedness is onemark
of a matureperson.No onehastherightto callhimself
mature whocannotlistentobothsidesof an argument,
andnoneof us hastherightto be calledmaturewho
insists thatwhatisgoodforhimmustbegoodfor,and
shouldbe imposed upon,everyoneelse.
Andnow,do we wishto facethethoughtof being
mature?Therecanbe a certainloneliness
in maturity.
We have to give up much to whichwe have become
accustomed-- someidiosyncrasies,
somepeccadilloes,
someiUogica!ities.
We mayhaveto giveup trivialities
thatkeptus amusedhitherto. We willbecomeaware
earlyin oureffortofa centralmaximofmaturity:
that
everymortalbeingis underbondtodo hisbest.
A maturelifedoesnotmeana placidlife.Florence
Nightingalehada desperate
timefindingherself,and
wrotein her diary:"Inmy 31styearI see nothing
desirablebutdeath."AbrahamLincolnhad a tragic
strugglewithhimself. In 1841,whenhe was 32, he
said:"I am nowthemostmiserable manliving."
Maturelivingcarriesin it thecapacity to accept
illness,
disappointment,
andallthatislargely beyond
ourcontrol;to acceptourselvesandothers; to keep
ourbalancethrough
success andfailure.It givesus a
certain
ability
to rollwiththepunches,to pickup the
pieces
andstartover.
We don’thave to becomematureall at once.We
advance
toward
itlittlebylittle,
always
learning
toward
ourdevelopmentas persons
andas citizens.We seek
obtainablegoalsand avoidgroundless hopesand
baseless
fears.
Throughmaturity,whatwasoncea pin-point world
limitedto ourownnarrowthoughts assumessizeand
form,witha pastanda future. Ourjobsbecomemeans
ofexpressing
theacquiredskillofourmindsandhands.
We findourselveswitha newexpertness in handling
life,a newinterestin people, anda newcompetence
to meetexasperating
incidents.

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