8/9/2020 How Often Do 'Normal' Couples Have Sex?

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PARENTHOOD  SEX & RELATIONSHIPS

How Often Do ‘Normal’ Couples Have

Sex?
Written by Heather Montgomery on June 11, 2018

At some point in life, many couples wonder and ask themselves, “What is
the average amount of sex that other couples are having?” And though
the answer is not perfectly clear, sex therapists have said many things
about this very topic. Here is what they say, as well as some additional
tips to help you get your sex life on track!
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The Average
There is some question among sex therapists about what the true
average is for couples in committed relationships. The answers can range
from once a week to once a month! When Ian Kerner, PhD, was asked
how he responds to couples who ask him how often they should have
sex, he said, “I’ve always responded that there’s no one right answer.

When couples stop having sex, their relationships become vulnerable to

anger, detachment, infidelity and, ultimately, divorce.

After all, a couple’s sex life is affected by so many different factors: age,
lifestyle, each partner’s health and natural libido and, of course, the
quality of their overall relationship, to name just a few

So while there may be no one right answer to the question of how often
couples should have sex, lately I’ve somewhat been less equivocal and
advise couples to try to do it at least once a week.” According to David
Schnarch, PhD, through a study conducted with more than 20,000
couples, he found that only 26% of couples are hitting the once-a-week
mark, with the majority of the respondents reporting sex only once or
twice a month, or less!

However, another study, printed in The University of Chicago Press about

10 years ago, stated that married couples are having sex about seven
times a month, which is a little less than twice a week. And in a third
study, it was reported that out of the 16,000 adults interviewed, the older
participants were having sex about 2 to 3 times per month, while younger
participants said they were having sex about once a week. 
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Most sex therapists agree that having sex less than 10 times a year is
reason enough to label your marriage a sexless one. However, a lack of
sex does not mean your marriage is in trouble, according to Schnarch.
While sex may be the way couples typically express their love and desire
for each other, a lack of sex doesn’t necessarily mean that you are
headed for a break-up, though it is something that you should get a
handle on. Dr. Kerner says, “Sex seems to be rapidly falling to the bottom
of America’s to-do list; but, in my experience, when couples stop having
sex their relationships become vulnerable to anger, detachment, infidelity
and, ultimately, divorce. I believe that sex matters: It’s the glue that keeps
us together and, without it, couples become ‘good friends’ at best, or
‘bickering roommates’ at worst.”
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How to Sync Your Sex Drives

There are a lot of factors that need to fall into place to make sex
something you are desiring. In many couples, a difference in opinion can
be a problem. Al Cooper, from the San Jose Marital and Sexuality Centre,
says, “In general, however, a couple’s problems are often less about sex,
per se, than getting to the sex.

“If your sex drives are out of balance, your aim is to meet in the middle,
having sex a bit more than one partner likes, but probably a bit less than
the other likes.” – Dr. Gail Saltz
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No couple’s willingness for sex at any given time lines up perfectly. The
key is how well a couple negotiates the times when one initiates and the
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other refuses.” As with every issue in a relationship, sex and the

frequency at which you have it requires compromise.

It may seem like a large mountain to climb, when you think of all the other
things you deal with on a daily basis. Laundry, work, cooking meals,
cleaning, and other tasks often seem more important than a quickie with
your partner; but sex can become fun again! Kerner says, “Once we stop
doing it, it’s easy to get stuck in a slump; but once we get back on track,
we remember how much we missed it. The old adage ‘use it or lose it’ has
some truth. So does my suggestion, ‘try it, you’ll like it.’”

At first, it might mean scheduling sex and making the time that leads up to
the sex more intimate. Hug each other each day, exercise to increase
your testosterone levels, and turn off the distractions, like the computer
and TV. If you are still having problems with being able to engage in
intimacy, seeing a sex therapist may really help you and your partner land
on the same page!

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