He’s Your Guy checklist

1. He wants the job

2. He’s been consistent in his contact for 6-9

months

3. You want to be with him unchanged

4. You’re not the sole/major focus of his life (or

the ‘solution to his problem’)

5. He’s in his (masculine) essence

6. You have some (but not only) conflict

7. He’s not keeping other potential partners in his

field

8. You’ve been invited into al the domains of his

life

9. Impersonal to you, he’s at a stage where it

makes sense to partner and he wants to

© Jack Butler 2020

1. He wants the job

When you apply for a job with a company, you’re

either in or out. You don’t get to come in one
Monday, then disappear for the week. You show up
and you take it seriously. Is he doing that for you?
You don’t want to be in the position of trying to
persuade him he wants the job, he needs to come
to that on his own. Google doesn’t beg people to
come work with them. You don’t need to beg
anyone to be your partner. They need to want the
job.

2. He’s been consistent in his contact for 6-9

months

Consistency is king! Consistency over a long

enough period of time is one of the best predictors
of his behavior towards you long-term. Remember:
Hot and Cold guy rarely if ever becomes Consistent
Guy. Make sure you’re not attracted to inconsistency
based upon childhood patterning. Anyone can be
consistent for a few weeks texting you. By

© Jack Butler 2020

consistency I mean in action and in words over at
least half a year or more. If you find yourself having
to make excuses for his lack of consistency, check
yourself. And by the way, his being consistent
makes him a better man, so this isn’t something
Your Guy will have an issue with.

3. You want to be with him unchanged

If he didn’t change from today, would you want to

be with him? Of course you’re going to want a
growth-oriented partner because you are likely that,
but can you actually accept and love who he is
now? If you have a condition like ‘we could be
together if he gets a better job’ or ‘we could be
together if he becomes more emotionally literate’,
you’re not dating the present, you’re dating the
future. Nor do we want you dating the past - you
may have fallen in love - but in today’s sobriety, can
you say yes?

4. You’re not the sole/major focus of his life (or

the ‘solution to his problem’)

© Jack Butler 2020

You want to a priority of his, yes. But you don’t want
to be his only or major priority because over time
you’ll likely lose respect and polarity. If a guy doesn’t
have his own thing going - career, mission, ability to
make money - he could substitute that focus for
you. It may feel good for a bit, but ‘mergey guy’ or
‘you’re the solution to my problem guy’ isn’t likely to
be the backbone and trustworthiness that will have
you feel safe and able to open.

5. He’s in his (masculine) essence

When someone is in their essence they are more

trustworthy. You’re getting the real person - not a
pretense, not a persona, not just a congenial
personality but what’s real. Most of you will want a
guy who’s essence is more masculine. A guy who is
strong in his masculine should (most of the time) say
what he means and mean what he says. So he
knows how to make commitments to things. Look
at his other areas of life and see how he does
commitment.

© Jack Butler 2020

6. You have some (but not only) conflict

No-conflict relationships don’t last! I know this from

painful personal experience. All harmony no conflict
is not the recipe for a strong relationship. (Nor is all
conflict no harmony). If you know you are conflict-
avoidant, remember that the best sports teams often
get stronger by coming through adversity together.
Your relationship can get stronger by working your
edges together. If you don’t metabolize conflict, one
day someone will likely pull the nuclear option. It’s
what I call ‘Under under under over’. Under-
expression of boundaries until one day a huge over-
expression of boundaries. So value finding someone
who cares enough and wants to argue with you!

7. He’s not keeping other potential partners in his

field

When a guy is serious enough about you, he’s

willing to adjust his relationships with other women
and not exchange sexual energy with them. He’s
willing to invite you into those relationships -
introduce you to his ex if he still has contact.

© Jack Butler 2020

Effectively, he cares about your feeling safe and is
willing to make adjustments to ensure that. He’s also
willing to receive your influence if there’s a
connection that has you feel unsafe (your job is to
put it to him well - a request not a demand, and
ideally without blame). If a guy doesn’t make a shift
towards being clear with other women where you
stand and they stand, he’s probably not your guy.

8. You’ve been invited into al the domains of his

life

Beware the single-domain relationship! If you only

have one type of date (and you’ve known each other
a while), like Netflix and chill or always going out to
eat, you’re not being invited into his life fully. Your
guy will want you to know his friends and family. If
that’s not happening, he’s probably not ready to fully
partner you and is therefore not your guy.

© Jack Butler 2020

9. Impersonal to you, he’s at a stage where it
makes sense to partner and he wants to

As unromantic as it may seem, your guy is probably

ready to be with someone. If it weren’t you, it would
be someone else because he’s ready to partner,
settle down or make a commitment. That’s a good
thing. It’s aligning with an energy that’s already
formed, rather than persuading a guy he should
want to commit. Of course, it’s still personal that he
wants to do that with you - but the season he is in is
impersonal to you.

Look forward to hearing your conclusions if there’s anyone

currently in your life that you’re checking off against this list.

And whether there is anyone now or not, I really hope this serves
you for your future real relationship.

Love,

Jack

© Jack Butler 2020