Episode One: The Big Hello

Captain Kathryn Janeway did not have her coffee this morning. This,
ordinarily, for a normal person, is cause for alarm.

For the captain, it was cause for panic.

“I can’t run a starship without caffeine!” screamed Janeway, racing

down the corridors. She bumped into an ensign.
“YOU!” she screeched.
“Captain?” the ensign questioned.
“Make me some coffee!” screeched Janeway, continuing down the
hallway.

She went up to the bridge of the ship. “Mr. Tuvok, make a galaxy wide
hail.”
Tuvok looked startled, for a vulcan. “Captain, that is unwise! Who
knows who may be listening!?”

Janeway gave him a death glare until he obliged and opened the
hailing frequencies.
“Hello, this is Captain Kathryn Janeway of the federation starship
Voyager. I’m going to casually blow up 9 borg cubes if someone
doesn’t find me some dang coffee.”

She closed the channel, irritable.

Ensign Useless turned his head towards Janeway. “Captain! There's a

vessel decloaking off the port bow!!”

“Oh, shut up!” Janeway muttered. “There’s always a vessel decloaking

off the port bow.”
Ensign Useless rolled his eyes.
“MR. TUVOK!!” Hollered Janeway. “HAIL THE NEARBY SHIP!

A alien showed up on the viewscreen.

“Attack of the wrinkle-y-forehead aliens! Oh no!” screamed Paris.
“Steady on, Mr. Paris!” said Janeway.

“CHALOR’Q! KlUpitAQUgh!” Screeched the alien.

“The Universal Translators, aren’t working, Captain!” said Chakotay.
“Yes, because such a device is unscientific and improbable.”
Responded Janeway.
“Mr. Alien, Sir!” Began Janeway. “I’m Captain Kathryn Janeway of the
Federation Starship Voyager.”
The alien looked at Janeway quizzically.
“HERAJ’AJAEJKJ’AEJJKEKJAJEK!” screamed the alien.
“Open fire!” said Janeway. “He obviously wants to take our
replicators!”
The Alien looked at the screen. He just wanted to sell glop-scout
cookies. He Blew up.
“Captain!” screamed Lt. Torres. “We’ve powered up the Plot Armour
Generator!”
“Excellent, Lt.” Janeway responded. “Let’s go play chicken with that
binary pulsar.”

Meanwhile​, Halfway across the galaxy, Captain Sisko sat in his

office, fingering a baseball.
“Captain Sisko!” said Major Kira, walking into his office. “​Star Trek
Voyager​ is taking our target demographic! ​Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
could be cancelled anytime soon!” Captain Sisko activated his death
stare. “Not If I’m the lead character.”

“No, you don’t understand!” responded Major Kira. “If our ratings
drop and the show gets cancelled, there will be absolutely nobody to
write season long story arcs! The dominion can just waltz in and
take over, because if the show is cancelled, so is our plot armour!”

Captain Sisko Squeezed his baseball. “I guess we have to blow up

voyager.” He said.
“I shall prepare the quantum torpedoes then.” said Major Kira.

“Write the words ‘DON’T @#$% WITH THE SISKO’ on them, major.” Sisko
continued.

“Yes sir!”

Meanwhile, ​Captain Janeway casually destroyed 9 borg cubes, because

she was bored, and if the ship blew up, she could always press the
metaphorical ​RESET BUTTON​.

“Wow!” said Neelix. “Captain picard struggled to blow up 1 borg

cube!”

“Captain Picard did not have coffee.” said Janeway. She sipped a cup
that she got from the alien ship’s wreckage. “I still don’t get it.”
said Neelix. “This is a ill-equipped Intrepid class vessel, and
nobody seems capable of blowing it up, despite their ridiculous
technology.”
“Neelix?” Janeway asked.
“Yes, Captain?”
“I want you to take these lampshades and hang them wherever you can.”
“Right away, captain.” Said Neelix, skipping out of the bridge.

Kes walked in. “Hello, I’d like to remind everyone that I exist.”
“Thank you, Kes.” Janeway commented. “Now go do whatever it is you
do.”

It was just another day in the life of the USS Voyager.

Meanwhile...
Halfway across the galaxy, Seska was freaking out. “I’m not dead!”
she screamed. “I am actually not dead! It’s great!” she ran up to a
kazon. “I’m not dead!”
“That conduit! It didn’t kill me! It just knocked me out for 2
years!!”
The kazon, being a kazon responded- “​woah. that is cool. i wish i was not dead.”  
“ARGH!” screamed Seska. “The series has forgotten that they have
competent villains, and has been fighting the borg for like 40
episodes!!” She looked at the kazon. “Actually, no, we don’t have
competent villain​s​. They have me. Just me. Hmph.”
“oh. wow. are we a villain?” ​the kazon deadpanned.
Trying to not pull her thin hair off her head, seska growled. “Not a
competent one! Now go get me a phaser! I’m going to build a ship and
face off against captain janeway!”
“what’s a phaser?”  
“One of those...shooty-things!!
The kazon started to walk off. He stopped, and turned around.
“what’s a ship?” 
“ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH!” screamed Seska.

Meanwhile…
“Hey, Harry!” Tom Paris yelled towards Kim, walking through the
hallway.
“What?” Harry Kim muttered.
“Hi, do you want to-”
“No.” deadpanned Kim, walking away.
Tom ran up to him. “I just haven’t seen you since-”
“Crewman Useless got promoted to ensign, Yeah.” Harry Kim muttered.
He was very, very annoyed.
“Harry, Ensign Useless is a good crewmember. Besides, he has
character, humor, class-”
“Yeah, and I’m getting character development because I dislike him.
THAT’S HOW UNIMPORTANT I AM.” ​Harry Kim walked down the hallway some
more.
“Oh jeez, harry, calm down!” Paris said in the tom-paris-y-tone of
his. “You have character! You dislike Ensign Useless, and are
hopelessly optimistic!”
“Am I?” Harry asked.
“See! You're Hopelessly Optimistic about your character development!
Now let’s go do Captain Proton! Black and White Film costs less!”
“Alright…” The newly character developed ensign kim responded.

They walked into the holodeck.

The scene became black and white, and they transformed from Tom Paris
to Captain Proton, and Harry Kim to Buster Kincaid.
“AAAAAAAAaaaaAAaaaAaahhhhHHH, CaaaPtAAiiIIN
PrOOO000Ooooo000ttoooooonnnn!!”
Said Doctor Chaotica.

“You’re evil plan will never succeed!” shouted paris..or proton.

“AAAAAAaaaaHHHHH BUUUT IT Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiilll,

PROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTON!!!” Screamed Doctor Chaotica

“What a ham.” Harry/Kincaid muttered.

“SIiiIIIIIIIIiiiIIIIlence!!!!” Hollered Chaotica. “YOOOOOOOOoOOU

shall be QUIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET, BUSTEeeeRrrr
KIIIIIIIIIIINKAID!!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOwwwwww, IIIiiiIiiIII, CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOTICA! SHALL
DESTROY THE WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORLD!!!!”

“No, chaotica! I shall stop you!” Screamed Paris/Proton.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, captain proooooooton!

THISSSS.. IS A HOOOOOLLLLLLOOOODECK EPiSODE!!!!”

“Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!” Screamed
Paris/Proton, as the screen dramatically faded to black.
Meanwhile.. ​Sisko was sitting in the USS Defiant. He yelled at
various people while the ship was prepared by the crew.
“MAJOR KIRA!” he shouted. “WE NEED TO REDIRECT THE WORMHOLE TO THE
DELTA QUADRANT!!”

“That’s impossible!” Screamed Kira.

“I’M THE $@^#*!-ing SISKO, I DO WHAT I PLEASE!”

“Yes sir,” said major kira.

Seconds later, The USS Defiant showed up in the delta quadrant.

“Nice Job.” said Worf.
“Why do you always answer questions in two words?” Jadzia asked.
“I don’t.” said Worf.

“Captain!” shouted Major Kira. “Borg Ship decloaking off the port
bow!”

“Crap, they can do that?” O’Brien muttered.

“​Next Generation​ Level Borg, Or ​Voyager​ Level Borg?” Asked Sisko.

“​Next Generation​, Sir.”

“So our plot armour won’t save us.”

“That’s right, sir.”

“Should we Run?”

“Probably, Sir.”

They received a hail from the borg.

WE ARE THE BORG. LOWER YOUR SHIELDS AND SURRENDER YOUR SHIPS.
EXISTENCE AS YOU KNOW IT IS OVER.
YOUR BIOLOGICAL AND TECHNOLOGICAL EXISTENCE WILL BE ADDED TO OUR OWN.
RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.

“Well.” Sisko Paused.

“Activate @#%&^*-ing torpedoes, major.”
“Yes, Sir!”

Meanwhile...​ Captain Janeway Was still on her quest for coffee.

“Coooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooofee…” She moaned.
“Yes, Captain?” Neelix asked.
“Coooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooofee…”
“Uh, Captain?”
“Coooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooofee…”
“Neelix to Cmdr. Chakotay!” Neelix Screeched, tapping his combadge.
“Coooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooofee…” Muttered Janeway.
“Neelix, We’re busy with a malfunctioning Holodeck!” said Chakotay
“Commander, We’re ALWAYS busy with a malfunctioning Holodeck!”
“Coooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooofee…” grated Janeway.

On The Bridge...
“Cmdr, Romulan Warbirds are decloaking off the port bow!” Said Tuvok.
“Romulans?” Asked Chakotay.
The Viewscreen turned online, and Seska appeared.
“Hi, Chakotay… I Guess I didn’t die. Well, that’s good for a series
storyline, isn’t it?” Seska said.
“SESKA!” Chakotay screamed. “Didn’t you die because of a conduit
exploding?” “Yeah, it was really anticlimactic.” Seska muttered.
“So, I built a romulan warbird, out of spare parts, it took like 3
pages, but that was only because of the incompetent kazon, and
activated LUDICROUS speed, and now I’m here, and I’m going to blow
you up.” “LUDICROUS SPEED?” Chakotay asked. “Yeah, I stole it from
some 1980s movie or something.” Seska droned.

“Excuse me, Cmdr.” Tuvok began. “We already have several minor
recurring villains, and it’s only page 6. Perhaps we should save the
seska confrontation for a cliffhanger episode?”
“Oh, yeah, I’m cool with that.” Seska responded.
“OK!” Responded Chakotay. “See you in 25 episodes?”
“Cool!” Said Seska. “Until then, We’ll just periodically cut to
whatever I’m doing to amp up the tension.”
“Sounds good to me.”

And it was just another day in the life of the USS Voyager…

Episode Two:​ ​Reflective Surface, Reflective Surface

Captain Janeway had her coffee and was doing good.

Things were back to normal.
“Captain, We’re passing through an Ion storm.” Tuvok said.
“Steady on.” Janeway responded.

Ensign Kim and Tom Paris were still caught in the grasp of Dr.
Chaotica’s bad hammy writing.
“AAAaaahhh, NOoooooooo000ooowwwwww.. CAP-TAIN PROOOOOTON! I shall
Deeeeeeeeeestroy you!”
“Only Constance Goodheart, My Secretary can save us!!” Said
Paris/Proton. “You mean Seven of Nine?” Harry/Kincaid interrupted.
“​Shut up, she’s not here until season 4!”​ Paris/Proton whispered. “So, which
one of our friends is playing Constance Goodheart?” Harry/Kincaid
asked.
B'Elanna Torres walked in in a stupid skimpy Secretarial Outfit.
“This is demeaning.” She muttered.
“Oh, come on, B’Elanna! We need to end this pathetic storyline!”
“I’d like to end ​your​ pathetic storyline.“ B’Elanna muttered.
“AHHH! IT IS COONSTANCE GOOOOOODHEART!” Screamed Chaotica.
“QUICKLY! SAaaaaaTAaaaaaN’S ROoooooooooooBOT, DESTROY HER!”
A tin can with arms and legs walked into the room.
“Destroy her!”
B’Elanna calmly sliced the tin can in two with a Klingon Bat’leth,
which ended the program due to the storyline.

“You saved us!” Screamed Paris with joy.

“Imagine if we all were locked in the holodeck for 5 something more
episodes, forcing the series to focus on interesting characters!”
B’Elanna grimaced.
She suddenly wished that she had left them in there.
As they walked out of the Holodeck, time began to spin…
And they were suddenly in the ISS VOYAGER...

“Lt. B’Elanna Torres, what are you doing away from your post?!?!?”
Screeched a Familiar Voice.
A Strange Talaxian, Dressed all in black, with subdued skin tones
compared to the ones B’Elanna, Tom, and Harry Knew, stepped into
view.

“What?” B’Elanna asked, confused.

“I am Efficiency Intendant Neelix!” Screamed Efficiency Intendant

Neelix. “You are away from your post and in the holodecks! We all
know that holodecks have prohibited use other than torture and
punishment simulations. I do not believe that you have been assigned
a torture period. Therefore, you should be at your post, half-breed!”

“HALF-BREED?” B’Elanna said with pure rage, lifting her bat'leth.

“Ah. Yes, I wouldn’t need to remind you, but I WILL, that if you
attack me, I can use your transporter callsign to activate your pain
beacon. I personally would love to give you a night in the agony
booth, but that is your prerogative.”

Harry, Paris and B’Elanna were very very confused.

“Well?” Efficiency Intendant Neelix asked.

“Uh.. Yes!” B’Elanna responded. “I’ll just go right to my post, and-”

“Good.” Efficiency Intendant Neelix smirked.

As they walked away, B’Elanna whispered to Tom and Harry. “What is

going on here?”

Tom Whispered to her. “Did you notice that he had no problem with me
and harry running amuck, B’Elanna? I think whatever is going on, the
crew is suddenly rather prejudiced.”

“You don’t say.” B’Elanna and Harry said at the same time.

“This reminds me of the files I read on both Benjamin Sisko and

Captain Kirk’s visit to what they called the ‘Mirror Universe.’”
B’Elanna responded. “Although, When Captain Sisko arrived in the
mirror universe, starfleet’s equivalent, the terran empire, was
exterminated. This clearly is a starfleet ship.”
“Just with dimmer lighting and dimmer people,” Tom chimed in.
“Yes. I think that because of our malfunction with the Holodeck, we
stepped into a parallel universe of the mirror universe, one where
the terran empire did not fall. Holodecks work on the same principle
as transporters, so when we stepped out of the holodeck, the Ion
storm’s interference sort of beamed the holodeck back to the wrong
place.
So this.. Is not the ‘mirror universe’. We are stuck in the
‘Mirror Mirror’ Universe, a mirror of a mirror. Hypothetically.”

“Wow, that’s some high-quality technobabble.” Harry whispered.

“We even seem to have replaced our counterparts. They aren’t here.
Let’s just blend in.”
Eventually B’Elanna, Tom and Harry got to their posts.
They had to split up to maintain the facade that they were part of
the ISS Voyager’s crew.
When Tom and Harry got on the bridge, they were surprised by who was
in the captain’s seat.
“Kes?”

“Yes. It’s me, Captain Kes.” Captain Kes responded. “You should know
that by now, Mr. Paris. If you don’t need your brain recalibrated,
get to your station.”
Her eyes gleamed coldly.
Harry and Paris looked at eachother, and didn’t need to say a word to
know they were in deep trouble…

In Engineering​, B’Elanna got to her station- but it was already

manned. “Captain Janeway??” she asked, stunned.
“Lieutenant Commander Janeway. Get to your post, ensign torres. And
if you think I’m the captain, I think that old queen of numbers will
have something to say to you about it.”

“Haha, yeah.” B’Elanna bluffed. “A joke.”

Janeway laughed.
“Those were outlawed years ago, is that one?”
B’Elanna went to her station- (it was where ensign vorik usually was
stationed) and silently reminded herself to look up the crew roster.

Meanwhile...in the normal universe,

Seska was keeping up her part of the bargain. The show had promised
to periodically keep tabs on her to amp up the tension. She thought
this was a fantastic idea, as she knew the audience would be
enthralled watching her paint her nails.

Meanwhile… In The Mirror Mirror Universe…

Paris accidentally cut his hand, (Why was everything so sharp in this
universe?) so he decided to go down to sickbay.

“Hey, Doc.” he said, entering sickbay.

“Ah.” Said The Doctor. “Hello. I notice the minor laceration on your
hand. Please, sit down.” Paris did as asked, and The Doctor injected
Hyrulean Lava Larvae into his arm.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
He screamed.

“Perhaps you’d like some analgesic cream?

On the bridge,
Ensign Kim was under the tender grace of Captain Kes.
“Ensign Kim, Target that anomaly with phasers.”
“Why?”
“So we can blow it up!”
“Why?”
“So it will die!”
“Why?”
“You’re Killing my mood, ensign Kim!”
“Targeting phasers, captain.”

After Blowing up the anomalies, and various asteroids,

He looked up a crew roster, and figured out the weird hierarchy of
this ship compared to his own.

Senior Staff:
Captain Kes, Who arose to power using the caretaker’s array.

Commander Chakotay ​ASSASSINATED

Captain’s Assistant Naomi Wildman

Commander Seska (Promoted)

Efficiency Intendant Neelix

Lt Cmdr Janeway (Demoted from rank of captain, and then first officer,
now chief engineer)

Doctor (Program redesigned, Morality Subroutines Destroyed, Now ETMH

EMERGENCY TORTURE/MEDICINE HOLOGRAM)

Ensign Harry Kim

Ensign B’Elanna Torres

Lt Tom Paris
Maj Culluh (Conscripted)

Crewman Tuvok

Seven of Nine And Various Borg Drones

He laughed at the fact that Naomi Wildman’s Fictional Job of

Captain’s Assistant was real here.

“Ensign Kim? What do you find so amusing?”

It was Captain Kes.

Trying Desperately to stay in character, he made a very rude comment

that if B’Elanna ever heard, she would slap him in the face for even
saying it.
The Crew of Terrans Burst into laughter.
What a barbaric place,​ He thought.

“Excuse Me, Ensign Kim?” Captain Kes called. “Did you forget that I’m
a telepath?”

OH CRAP.​ Harry thought, before he was hit by a phaser blast.

When he came to, he was in a prison cell.

Captain Kes stood in front of him, watching him behind the force
field. She was biting down on her finger, clearly confused by what
was going on with harry.

“Oh, Ensign Kim.” Captain Kes said, with confusion and disdain. “What
has gone wrong with you? You were always my favorite, and look at
this, now. You have something rather confusing. I can usually read
minds like a book, but it seems there is a gap between us that there
wasn’t before. It’s like someone tore out a page. A..Universal Gap,
almost.”

Harry was filled with fear.

“I can still get small bits. Was that fear, anxiety, right there?
It's so difficult, getting to you. What are you hiding?”

She deactivated the force field, and stepped in the cell. She slapped
him in the face.
“Tell me the truth, or I WILL extract it from you.”

Meanwhile, In the Prime Universe,

“$%#@!” Screamed Captain Sisko. “Mr. O’Brien! Get those Borg off our
tails!”

“I’m sorry, captain, the tachyon emitters in the warp core are
undergoing transfusion. Phaser fire would cause a warp core breach!”

“WHAT?!” Worf screamed with rage.

“Launching Quantum Torpedoes, captain!” Kira said, because somebody

around here had to make decisions.

The borg cube shuddered, hit by several torpedoes.

The Borg began to hail them.

WE ARE THE BORG.

DO NOT SHOOT US.
IT HURTS.
SERIOUSLY.

“Well, $#!@*^ that, Major Kira! LAUNCH THE DON’T MESS WITH THE
$#*@@ing Sisko Torpedoes!” Screamed Sisko.

“You sure do yell and swear a lot.” Bashir muttered.

“It helps with characterization!!” Bellowed Sisko.

As the torpedoes launched, the Borg cube suddenly remembered that

they were THE BORG, and decided to Ignore the USS Defiant’s plot
armour entirely.

The borg took no damage.

WE ARE THE BORG. WE DON’T GIVE A @#$%. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.

“Oh No!” Screamed Sisko. “They’ve assimilated our plot armour!”

Major Kira flipped out, waving her arms maniacally running about the
bridge. “HEEHHFBNDNSJE!QUQQUABBEH!EHEHHEHEH!HHNQNQN!” Said Major
Kira.
The Borg Began to fire-

“OBLIGATORY CHAPTER CLIFFHANGER!” Screamed Weyoun, who was there too

for 0.0000004 seconds.
The Audience Screamed With Rage, as the episode ended.

Episode Three:​ ​The City on The Edge of Never

Seska loved the fact that she was getting intimidating screen time
and build up. The fact that her story was so important to the plot
made her very happy.
She continued to do Laundry.

MEANWHILE…
Captain Kes suddenly sensed more conflicted closed minds among her
crew.
She hit her combadge.
“Captain Kes to Naomi Wildman!”
“Yes?” A chipper voice responded.
“Can you find Lt. Paris, and Ensign Torres, and either capture them
or murder them brutally?”
“Yes, Captain! Goody!” Screeched Young Naomi Wildman, skipping with
joy.
Naomi Wildman Unfurled A Phaser Rifle and a knife out of her school
bag, and skipped down to main engineering.

B’Elanna Torres did her work in engineering. She needed to find a way
out of here, but until then, she needed to blend in.

“Excuse Me, Ms. Torres?” A young chipper voice said sweetly.

It was Naomi.
“OH! Hi, Naomi! I’m so happy to finally see a friendly face…”
Naomi took this moment to stab B’Elanna in the chest.
She collapsed.

She woke up to see the Doctor preparing a needle with a strange

liquid. She was tied to a chair. He accidentally poured some, and it
burned through his countertop, leaving a hole in sickbay itself. She
looked down, and could see all the way from deck 5 to 9.
“Ah, you silly carborane superacids.” He muttered.
Oh god​. She thought.
The doctor moved closer, with the needle with the acidic liquid.
He sang quietly.
“Round, and round the cobbler's bench, the monkey chased the weasel,
The monkey thought twas all in fun…
Pop goes the weasel-”
He moved closer.
B’Elanna struggled.
“Pop, goes the weasel-”

She broke out of the restraints on the chair.

He stopped singing.
“What are you doing? I’m trying to treat you! No! Sit​ DOWN!​ ​SIT
DOWN​!”
B’Elanna narrowed her eyes.
“I’m nobody's guinea pig.” She growled.
Moving closer, she snatched the needle out of the doctors hands.
She kicked him backwards, with great difficulty. He kept transforming
himself from solid to light, and back again.
Eventually she got to a wall panel. She knew this ship like the back
of her hand. It was a singularly contained neural gel pack, one that
specifically controlled the holodeck-and sickbay-holo emitters. She
tore off the panel, and stabbed the needle into the gel pack.
“A​A​HH​A​h​ha​hH​AH​AhAHAH​AHH​AHA​HAHa​H​!” said..screamed.. The doctor.
It was an impossible noise to describe, as the doctor vengefully
lunged forward until his program was corrupted and he was no more.
She ran over to sickbay’s transport systems. She only hoped there was
enough time.

Ensign Kim was being held at knife point. “Alright.” said Captain
Kes.
“Now, tell me, once more. Who are you, kim? What are you HIDING??!?!”
He was at that moment, saved by the familiar beam of a transporter.

Tom Paris was integrating into the crew rather well. They were
actually nice fellows. Did this make him a bad person? Naah, he
thought. They were cool. They liked him.
He just had to commit genocide once in a while, and strangely, he
found that refreshing. He’d already blown up a few species. It was no
big deal. He was enjoying himself.
Then he felt the beam of a transporter, cursed B’Elanna, and promptly
forgot his negative character development for good.

Harry, Tom (Now Good) and B’Elanna all were back together.
“We need to beam back to the normal voyager!” B’Elanna said.
“Ok, let’s use the ion storm program on the holodeck, and beam into
it.” Harry responded.
“Logical.” Paris affirmed.
“LOGIC.” A shaky voice reverberated. “LOGIC.”
A Green veined, shaky, white eyed Tuvok walked into sickbay.
“LOGIC. You. are not. Logical. Ha ha.”
“Tuvok?” Harry asked cautiously.
“I..shall kill you. Yes. that is logical. Ha hahaha haha hhahhaha
ha.”
“Ion storm program loaded. Activating transporters.” B’Elanna
whispered.

Tuvok took a phaser, and fired. .3 seconds earlier, and they’d have
been dead.

They beamed back into the normal universe.

“Yaay.” they muttered.

“Hello!” Neelix waddled by. “You look kinda bruised up. One to many
Klingon Holoprograms?”

“Uh, no.”

“Maybe you should go to sickbay.”

They went into sickbay.

B’Elanna eyed the doctor’s needles the entire time he patched them
up.

Meanwhile…

As the Borg cube’s phaser fired,

O’Brien activated his emergency transport system.
All 50 members of the Defiant beamed on the borg cube in seconds.
About half of them were quickly assimilated, and the senior staff had
to run.
Major Kira pulled a phaser from her holster. She opened fire. The
bolts deflected off a few drones and exploded against a few others.
She ran and blasted drones, but more were quickly adapting.
Captain sisko, worf and dax were somehow holding back several drones
with their fists, and odo was changing from solid to liquid so
quickly that the borg had no chance of hitting him. He swerved back
and forth, slamming into various drones.
Bashir and O’Brien sat in the corner, playing darts. Because that's
what they do.

The borg began droning the words-

“WE ARE THE BOR-”
Kira took a moment to tear out a vital component of the cube.
“WE ARE THE-THE BOr-BOR-
WE A-Are The P-POrg! REESistanCE is FLoorTILE! WannA be SiMUlatED!?”
“Oops, that must have been the sanity modulator.”

Hours later, the last borg drone, covered in gravy, singing ‘Barbie
Girl’, collapsed into a pile of dead minnows and human thumbs.

“They were easy to defeat, after they all went insane.” Worf
muttered.
“We require a challenge!”

“Voyager, being a starship, and not a space station, has to deal with
the consequences of it’s actions much less. Their Plot Armour
Generators and Reset Button make them a formidable opponent.” Sisko
replied.

“But not their weaponry?”

“Standard weaponry. We have them outmatched, except they have plot

armour. We need something that negates plot armour!!”

Odo replied. “Well, we just captured a GIANT BORG CUBE. ​NEXT

GENERATION LEVEL BORG.​” he said with a dry wit. “I wonder what we
could ever use this for?”

Moments later, the USS Defiant was abandoned in the middle of space,
as a borg cube, with it’s crew onboard, flew off into the distance.

“This is the USS Uranus, as of this moment!” Sisko screeched.

“The USS WHAT?”
“It’s a completely appropriate name.​” ​Sisko muttered.

Odo started to scream strangely for no reason

“Scccreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” said
Odo.

“I’m living with a group of idiots.” Kira muttered.

Quark was suddenly there.

“Why are you here quark?”

“I’ve always been here!

COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
 COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN
COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON'T WALK RUN”
Said Quark.

Kira resisted the urge to stab Quark.

Episode Four: For The World is Hollow, And I will eat some Pie.

Captain Janeway sat in her chair, drinking coffee made from the
remains of borg ships. It was made out of blood, metal, nanoprobes,
and assorted cereal, but it was still coffee.
“Chakotay!!” Screeched Janeway.
Chakotay walked in. “Yes, Captain?” He said.
“You need character development!!” Janeway hollered.
Chakotay smiled. “Ah, Yes, But I only get that by using inaccurate
native american stereotypes, and the guy who came up with the native
american stuff knew nothing about native americans, so we agreed to
never use that plot thread again.”
Janeway narrowed her eyes, and fished a human thumb out of her
coffee.
“Can’t you have a running joke or something? Something that gives you
more character??”
Chakotay paused and then began.
“Acoosheemoya. We are far from the land of our ancestors-”
“OK, OK, I GET IT!” Janeway screeched.
Chakotay paused.
“So, what am I supposed to do then??”
Janeway disdainfully placed her head in her palms.
“What is your personality, Chakotay?”
“Native American.” Chakotay responded. “What’s yours?”
“Multiple-personality-disorder.” Janeway muttered. “Dismissed.”
Chakotay walked out onto the bridge.
“Ah, Hello.” The Doctor said, in a tone so dry it could cause a
draught. “I’ve been at the scanning stations. I’ve found a new planet
that has a large lake of trioxylene. I want to collect samples, could
you organize a shuttle-craft?”
“Voyager has an infinite number of shuttle crafts.” Chakotay
responded. “Take whichever one you like.”
“And may I organize a team to take with me?” The Doctor Queried.
“You’re allowed to take Neelix and Naomi Wildman.” Chakotay
responded.
“Neither of them are Doctors!” The Doctor Objected.
“Yes, I’ve just assigned them command duty. They’re redshirts now.”
“Ah, I see.” The Doctor Responded. “You sure you couldn’t give Kim
and Paris Redshirts too?”
“Doctor! Paris wears red already!” Chakotay muttered.
“Mauveshirts then.”
“Done.”

30 minutes later, the Doctor was leading a shuttlecraft with Neelix,

Naomi Wildman, Paris, and Harry Kim.
“Most excellent.” He muttered.

They landed on the planet.

“Wow!” The Doctor Commented, stepping out of the shuttlecraft.
“HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!” Screeched an annoying girly voice.
“Wha?” The Doctor Muttered.
“HI! WHAT’S YOUR NAME!!?” A Small girl sat outside the shuttlecraft.
“Uh.” The Doctor Paused.
“Hey! I’m Tom Paris!” Said Tom Paris, stepping outside the
shuttlecraft. “AAAAAAAAAAAARGRGRHAGHAGAAHGGHAGHHHH!!” Screeched
Paris, as the girl punched him into the upper atmosphere.

“Hi! I’m Squirrel Girl! What’s Your Name?” Squirrel Girl Smiled
Sweetly.

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Screeched Everyone on the

shuttlecraft before they activated warp engines and got the hell out
of there.

They didn’t notice Thanos, Emperor Palpatine, Odin, Goku, Superman,

Q, Biblical God, Ms. Frizzle, Blofeld, Galactus, Moriarty, The
Balance between the light side and the dark side, The Entire Dalek
Empire and 1/8th of the borg collective laying behind them on a mass
grave.

They flew back to voyager.

“Doctor to Captain Janeway!” The Doctor Said. “We seem to have
encountered The Fabled ​Planet Squirrel​!”
Captain Janeway sipped her coffee. “This Supersedes the Prime
Directive! We Must Destroy Planet Squirrel at all cost!!”

“No, Captain.” Chakotay interrupted. “That’s the omega directive. The

Planet Squirrel Directive is ‘Get the heck away or die.’”

“But I loved using the omega directive!! It was so fun, not having to
worry about alien cultures for an episode!!!” Janeway screeched.
“Can’t we just use that?”

“Enacting Omega Directive.” Chakotay muttered.

“BOO YAH.”​ Said Janeway. “Now, Set Quantum Torpedoes at Planet

Squirrel, and prepare to go to warp.

Episode 5: The Omega Defective:

Seska sipped her tea. She had finally perfected the slipstream drive,
combined it with the mycelial network, and had taken her ship
instantly to Risa. Here she could relax. She could still warp back to
Voyager and Blow them up in no time. She sighed. Being a genius
cardassian was like having the world in her hand. “Waiter!” she
yelled. “Get me another pina colada!”
The Tension was so real. She hoped that the audience would cut to see
her diabolical plan in motion. Then she realized they had been
watching the whole time. “HEY!” Seska Screeched. “This has to be plot
related! You’ve spent a whole paragraph on it! Something important is
going to happen.”
At that moment, A meteor hit the nearby ground and knocked her out of
her chair. At least she thought it was a meteor, until she realized
that it was Tom Paris’s Body Thrown All The Way from the Delta
Quadrant to Risa.
She paused, and tapped it to be sure.
“Wow! Did they seriously pull a Tasha Yar?”
Paris groaned, about to get up.
“I guess not.” Seska said, whipping out her phaser and shooting Paris
repeatedly. His body vaporized.
“I just got an idea.” She said out loud.
“WHAT'S AN IDEA??” ​asked The Nearby Kazon, before she shot it in the face.
She sat down, and continued to sip her tea.
The Doctor, having returned to Voyager mentioned a plan to Captain
Janeway. “It appears that Squirrel Girl’s Maximum Velocity will allow
her to reach us, with us at maximum warp, instantly.
“How?” Janeway said, stunned.
“Squirrels are the peak of biological evolution, captain. Even during
the eugenics wars it was considered “Unfair” to combine yourself with
squirrel DNA.”
“Yes, but that doesn’t explain how the-”
“You’re being extraordinary rational, captain.” The Doctor
Interrupted. “Is Something Wrong?”
“No, Doctor.” Janeway grunted. “What is your plan?”
“Remember the ‘Threshold’ Episode?”
“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD NOOOOOOOOOOO” Said
Janeway.
“Yes, well, squirrel girl cant catch up to us if we go to warp 10!”
“But we’ll be lizards!”
“I made up a cure for the evolution at the end of the episode.”
“Oh, yeah.” Janeway sat down. “I blocked the garbage episode from my
memory.”
“So we can go to warp 10, and I’ll just turn you all back normal when
we arrive.”
Neelix ran past them screeching “WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?!??!
Surprisingly, Nothing Did, And They Escaped The Land Of Squirrel
Girl.
The USS Uranus (Formerly Borg Cube) was flying across the delta
quadrant. Sisko hollered. “I have had enough of the motha#&$^ing
Drones on this motha@&##^ing cube!!!”

Kira buried her head in her hands, hating the fact that she was the
sole voice of reason. “Odo!” She yelled. “Where’s Voyager? We need to
blow it up quickly, because we left flipping GARAK in charge of DS9!
Everybody with Plot Armour has already left the station!”

Odo snorted.

“ODO!” Screeched Kira at 900% Volume.

“Oh.” Odo commented, getting up from his chair. “So, how long till a
dominion assault force comes, again?”

Kira narrowed her eyes into sharp thin lines.

“Never mind all that!” Bellowed Sisko.

“We have a transmission!”
“It’s Degrading.”

‘This is--- Cap---n Arch-r -o-f --the starshi- enter--ise. Please--

come in.’

“Captain Archer?” Wailed Kira.

“Transmission coming through, Major!” O’Brien murmured. “There’s a

starship coming off the port bow!”

“IT’S ALWAYS THE PORT BOW!!!” Screamed Worf.

“This is Captain Archer of the Starship Enterprise. I’m Here to Steal

your Target Demographic.”

“Oh no.” Kira said. “We’re too late.”

Quark walked in. “COME TO QUARKS QUARKS IS FUN COME TO QUARKS DON’T
WALK-”

Kira growled. “I AM DONE WITH ALL OF YOU ONE NOTE CHARACTERS!!”

She whipped out her phaser and Killed Quark, Sisko, And Bashir.
“THIS SHOW IS GOING TO HAVE GENUINE DEATHS THAT MATTER. NO FUNNY
GREEDY BLOODY MISOGYNISTIC FERENGI, NOBODY IS COMING BACK, AND WE ARE
GOING TO HAVE GOOD WRITING, NO DEUS EX MACHINAS, ACTUAL ​BLOODY DRAMA​,
AND NOT ONE MORE EPISODE ABOUT THE MEMETIC QUALITY OF
&^#@*&(*@&@^^*ING ​SQUIRREL GIRL!!!!!!”
She shot Jadzia, Odo and O’Brien Next.
Worf Growled, Charging at her.
“Hold on, You’re an Actual good character, we can keep you.” Kira
said Rationally.

Archer’s Voice Came over the Intercom.

“Ok. So, We both want Voyager Dead then. How about we form a crew of
our own??”

Kira smiled, Worf Agreed Begrudgingly, And They Beamed Archer Aboard.

Episode 6: Raiders Of The Plot Arc: (Feel Free To Skip to Chapter 7)

Captain Janeway cracked her whip and ran away from a giant bowling
ball. “SQUAWK.” She said, hoping to create the most sudden and
strange chapter intro of all time.
“Hello, Captain,” Said Chakotay walking into the holodeck.
“JDABKHBHABHBHABKABJABHKABHakdhBHKABKAHkA” responded Janeway.
“Indeed, Said Tuvok, walking about behind him.
He Tore of his shirt and started break dancing.

♪I am a Vulcan and I am not sulkin’

I am a being of total cringe!
What the heck is this chapter
It makes no sense
Now Read A Book and give me sixpence,
HALLILUYAH!!!

BAM BAM BAM!

♪ I am A Dorito Mraa. I am a Vulcan Boi!
This chapter is squawk
I am a hot topic -
REGULAR!!!
♪

“Crap, what is this chapter?” Chakotay muttered.

Hysteria, Barbaria
An Interstellar Area
Bulgaria, Malaria
WHY AM I DOING THIS?!?!
WHAT IS MY FLIPPING LIFE?!?!??!?!!?!?
BAM!
♪

Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay Looked on in Horror.

This will never be mentioned again.

Chapter 7: Magic To Make The Maddest Man Go Sane, Part Ⅰ

A Transmission Came Onto The Voyager’s Bridge.

“Captain!” Ensign Useless said, who was currently at paris’s station,
due to him being dead. “We have a transmission! It appears that the
following area is a Gormagander reserve! Legally, we cannot pass
through it, only go around. Going around it would add approximately 5
years to our journey.”

The Captain Angrily sipped her coffee. “Let me consult my daily

personality wheel.”
She took out a board game spinner from her pocket.

The various sides were:

Reckless Janeway

Emotionless Janeway

Motherly Janeway

Emotional Janeway

Murderous Janeway

AHAB Janeway

*(@&@*&#^*ing Death Janeway from ​Equinox Part 1 & 2 ​JANEWAY.

She spun the wheel.

“It appears my daily personality is Ahab Janeway. TO THE LAST I SHALL
GRAPPLE WITH THEE! FROM HELL’S HEART I STAB AT THEE!!!!! Set a course
through the Gormagander Reserve!”
She Paused.

“WE’RE GONNA CATCH MOBY

GORMAGANDER!!!”

Half of the crew were freaking out because they had no clue what a
gormagander was.

The other half were looking up more moby dick quotes for janeway to
use.

“AND METHODICALLY KNOCKING PEOPLE’S HATS OFF I MAKE TIME TO GET TO

SEA AS SOON AS I CAN!” Screeched Janeway.
Having gone to warp, they accidentally knocked into a Gormagander.
“What name dost this foul beast call??” screeched Janeway. "Avast
Thee! Torpedoes of Quantum, Away!!! Fire Upon Foul Beast, And allow
thee Avenged!" “Can we stop the Old English, Captain?” Tuvok
Inquired. “Methinks Not, Sir of Tuvok!” Janeway responded.

Ensign Kim looked at his station. “Captain, we have an intruder!

Somehow, 2 People beamed onto Deck 9, Engineering!”

“Andorian Life Signs Recording, Captain.” Ensign Useless added from

his station. “Andorians, In the Delta Quadrant?” Chakotay questioned.

In Main Engineering,
B’Elanna Torres was having a bad day. Kes had decided to help with
engineering, and as Kes was a senior officer, B’Elanna could not
decline her assistance. Of course, Kes was far more suited to a
medical environment, and kept injecting trioxylene into the gel
packs. This caused several problems, least of which was spontaneous
combustion.

Two People in Andorian Face Masks Beamed in and Caused havoc exactly
when torres was dealing with the explosions caused by Kes.
They whipped out phasers and blasted the inhabitants of main
engineering, before being stunned by a force field. Captain Janeway’s
face appeared on a digital screen. “You have invaded this here ship,
on violation of the sailship protection act of 1793 or something.
Avast thee, off the plank.”

“You know, I’d really love to.” said one of them, evidently a woman.
She Removed Her helmet. “But You see, I have a fear of planks, and
heights, and death and generally everything, so you see, ha ha,
that’d be a bad idea.” Cadet Sylvia Tilly glared up at the captain,
but realizing this was unthreatening, just smiled awkwardly and
waved.

“Cadet Tilly!!” Chakotay Screeched. “Timeline wise, you should have

died of old age by now!!”

“Uh yeah, but you see, you guys time travelled us or something. It’s
like really, really, head-hurty.” She giggled.
The other man removed his helmet. “Do not socialize with the enemy,
cadet.” Captain Gabriel Lorca glared at Janeway. “We have received
evidence that you killed Admiral Teresa. “

“Who’s Admiral Teresa?”

“Granted that you killed her mother and she in fact does not exist
because of that, It is quite logical that you are not aware of her.”

Janeway Paused. “What the Hell? I’m being charged of a murder of a

person that does not exist?”

“Well, it seems our time is up. We intend to find out everything

about the technology of this ship, and bring it back to our century.
Unfortunately, Your ship is too damaged at the moment. See you on the
long way around. Tilly, Punch it.”

Cadet Tilly slapped a crystal on her wrist and the ship blew
up. Something You were Probably Expecting Began To Happen...

A Transmission Came Onto The Voyager’s Bridge.

“Captain!” Ensign Useless said, who was currently at paris’s station,
due to him being dead. “We have a transmission! It appears that the
following area is a Gormagander reserve! Legally, we cannot pass
through it, only go around. Going around it would add approximately 5
years to our journey.”

The Captain Angrily sipped her coffee. “Let me consult my daily

personality wheel.”
She took out a board game spinner from her pocket.

The various sides were:

Reckless Janeway

Emotionless Janeway

..Deja Vu Janeway…

A Thought Crossed Janeway’s Mind. She understood for a moment, and

then forgot.
She Spun The Wheel.
“It appears my daily personality is Ahab Janeway.” She said. “I was
that yesterday.”
Ensign Useless perked up. “You were In the Chapter that we will never
speak of again, yesterday.”

“Oh, Yeah.” She Rubbed Her Head.

“We have a transmission, Captain.”

A Song Played over the Loudspeakers.
♪MONEY, IT’S A CRIME… 
SHARE IT FREELY BUT DON’T TAKE A SLICE OF MY PIE! ♪ 
A Woman Beamed onto the bridge, and began to Repeatedly Open Fire.
Within moments, Janeway and Tuvok were the only conscious bridge
members. “Hi, I’m Sorry, It Gets Easier after time goes on. Oh, Boy,
This is awkward.” She Grinned. “Better Slow Down, Before… BOOM?”
Kes broke through the turbolift doors. She was carrying a type 9
phaser rifle. “Get out, Captain!!”
Tilly looked at Kes. “Oh, stop, I’ve killed everyone on the ship 512
times over. It’s really really- iffy.”
Kes glared at Tilly. “I remember.”
“So Do I,” Said Lorca, Walking out of a turbolift, shooting Kes in
the back. “Oh, Uh, Hi, Captain, Uh, Can we stop with all the uh,
phasering, we already have control of the ship-”

“We are Soldiers, today, Cadet.” Lorca glared.

Tilly Gulped. “Uh, Yeah, Sir.”

“The Loop is stable, right?” Lorca muttered.
“Uh, Yes.”
“For how long?”
“Infinitely.”
“Theoretical Concept.”
“Nope.” Tilly Grinned.
“Excellent.”
Lorca stepped up to Janeway. “Authorization 87-Lorca-Beta, Program
OH-CRAP-ALPHA.”
“I made up the name!” Tilly said, Before the ship exploded.

Voyager was fine.

“Captain!” Ensign Useless said, who was currently at paris’s station,
due to him being dead. “We have a transmission! It appears that the
following area is a Gormagander reserve! Legally, we cannot pass
through it, only go around. Going around it would add approximately 5
years to our journey.”

The Captain Angrily sipped her coffee. “Let me consult my daily

personality wheel.”

Down in Engineering,
B’Elanna Torres was having a great day. Kes had come in, and had
repaired so much stuff in engineering. It’s like she had months to
practice, she was a natural.
She seemed constantly distraught, and able to predict things somehow.
B’Elanna Blamed it on her telepathic abilities.
“B’Elanna, would you believe me, if I told you that someone is going
to die in 5 minutes?” Kes asked casually. “I Believe I’m outside the
time stream.”
“What?!?” B’Elanna asked. “Since when have we been on a first name
basis?” “50 years.” Kes said. “So much time, we’ve been stuck in this
timeline loop. Tilly and Lorca-”
“Who?” B’Elanna asked, very confused. “I think-”
“-You need to go to sickbay, Kes, you're scaring me with your
predictions.” Kes finished her sentence. “You are thinking right now,
that this is impossible, but you have to believe me. We are in a Time
Loop, and I am the only one who knows. Tuvok is being manipulated by
an anti-telepathic field, he does not believe me.”
“You’ve lost it.” B’Elanna waved her hydrospanner. Kes responded
kindly, “It has been so much time, but Lorca and Tilly are both
unused to this technology. They think Voyager has a secret. I Believe
they are looking for our plot armour generator.” A Console Exploded,
of it’s own accord. “Captain Janeway, this is Gabriel Lorca. I am
commandeering your vessel. Do not resist. I just heard your little
nurse and half-breed talking, about a Plot Armour Generator. I’ve
made a few advances in your technology. Did you think that I’d spend
50 years in a time loop learning about this ship? I was working on my
own stuff too. Such as a modified Version of A Jem'Hadar Body Cloak.
You can’t see me. Also, Mind you, I studied your Doctor’s mobile
emitter as well. I have built ten of them. Some of your buddies are
going to be running about in hologram form, intent on killing you.
So, I have holograms of the most deadly men ever to live, capable of
surviving phaser blasts, which are invisible, inside body cloaks.
I shall, to be sporting, inform you their names.
Khan Noonien Singh.
Shinzon Of Remus.
The Borg Queen.
Oh, wait, this makes it too easy for you, why should I bother?
So, those guys, and 7 more people you don’t know about!
Also, I’ve mobilized several Delta Quadrant Viruses. Your Plot Armour
is the only thing saving you from these thing vaporizing your flesh.
I intend to turn it off. There you go, then.”

“Oh Crap.” said Everyone.

A Ship warped into reality off the port bow.
Janeway stepped out of her ready room onto the bridge.
“Hello Janeway. This is a cliffhanger episode, isn’t it?” Seska said,
On the Main Viewer. I know, I promised to wait 19 more episodes, but
you know.
Luckily, I have designed a Spore Drive. I picked up a couple people.
A Couple Friends. Galaxies off, but they’re here now!”
The USS Uranus Appeared on the port bow.
“Well, that isn’t that bad.” Janeway Muttered.
Squirrel Girl Also Appeared Off The Port Bow.

TO BE CONTINUED...