Anger, Controlling Your Temper

Mat 5:21  Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time,
Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall be in danger of
the judgment: 
Mat 5:22  But I say unto you, That whosoever is angry with his
brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment: and
whosoever shall say to his brother, Raca, shall be in danger of the
council: but whosoever shall say, Thou fool, shall be in danger of
hell fire. 
Mat 5:23  Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there
rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; 
Mat 5:24  Leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way;
first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy
gift. 

The purpose of this lesson is to study the Bible teaching about anger.
Especially at this time that we are waiting on God.

We will not commit big sins like steal, kill etc.

All of us have problems controlling our temper at times. Some of us

have habitual problems. Particularly at this time of fasting, we need to
watch our anger level and make sure we keep ourselves aligns to
expectation of God’s blessings so that we do not fast in vain.

Let us look at what the text says in verse 23 and 24

 Is all anger necessarily sinful?

 Can we control our tempers?

 What does Jesus offer to help up overcome the habit of losing our
temper?
 The Relationship between Anger and Sin

A. BIBLE EXAMPLES OF ACCEPTABLE ANGER

some people assume that Christians should never show signs of
a temper. If a Christian raises his voice or becomes visibly
upset, some people think or act as though he violated his duty as
a Christian.
In fact they go as far as saying that person is not born again, he
is a pretender
Consider:
God is angry with sin.
Psalm 7:11

Psa 7:11  God judgeth the righteous, and God is

angry with the wicked every day. 
Because He is a just God, God is angry with sinners every day.
Surely, God's anger is not wrong. It is proper, for it is even
based on His justice.
Many other passages show that God is angry when people
commit sin. He will punish sinners in wrath.
If God is infinitely righteous yet is often angry, why should we
conclude that people are always wrong when they are angry?
Romans 1:18; Ephesians 5:6; Colossians 3:6; John 3:36

Rom 1:18  For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all
ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who hold the truth in
unrighteousness; 

Moses was angry with sin.

The Bible says Moses was more meek than anyone else on earth
(Num. 12:3), yet several times he acted and spoke in great anger.
Exodus 11:4-8 - Moses predicted that God would destroy the
firstborn in all Egypt. Moses was acting as God's spokesman,
yet he spoke "in great anger" (v8).

Exodus 32:19-24 - While Moses was on Mt. Sinai receiving the

law, Israel worshiped a golden calf. When he saw this, "Moses'
anger became hot" (v19), so much so that other people could see
that he was angry (v22). He spoke and he punished the people in
anger (cf. vv 25-29).

Numbers 16:15 - When Korah, Dathan, and

Abiram led a rebellion against Moses' leadership,
"Moses was very angry." He spoke in anger and
even prayed to God in anger.
Num 16:15  And Moses was very wroth, and said unto the LORD, Respect
not thou their offering: I have not taken one ass from them, neither have I
hurt one of them. 
Jesus was angry with sin.
Mark 3:5 - When Jews condemned Jesus for healing on the
sabbath, He looked on them in anger, being grieved at their
hardness of heart. Jesus became angry and spoke in anger
Did Jesus sin (Heb. 4:15)?

Eph 4:26  Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the

sun go down upon your wrath:

Be ye angry, and sin not — So the Septuagint, Psa_4:4. Should

circumstances arise to call for anger on your part, let it be as Christ’s
“anger” (Mar_3:5), without sin

 
Can we obey this passage? If so, then it is possible to be angry
without sinning.
Not everyone who is angry has automatically done wrong.
Some anger is justified. Take care lest you conclude that
people have sinned, simply because they became angry. Not all
anger is sinful.

B. THE DANGER OF ANGER

Jas 1:19  Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let

every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to
wrath: 
Jas 1:20  For the wrath of man worketh not the
righteousness of God. 
Again, not all anger is forbidden. It does not say to never be
angry but to be slow to anger. The problem with anger is what it
"produces" or leads to.
Proverbs 14:17 - A quick-tempered man acts foolishly.

Anger can cause us to sin in two different ways:

 Anger can cause us to "blow up."

Some psychologists encourage people to "vent" their anger. If
husbands or wives become angry, they are supposed to say
whatever they think, because it "gets it out of the system" or
"releases tension." They tell us to allow even little children to
throw tantrums, scream, and call parents nasty names.

Proverbs 29:11,20
Pro 29:11  A fool uttereth all his mind: but a wise man keepeth it in till
afterwards. 
Pro 29:20  Seest thou a man that is hasty in his words? there is more hope
of a fool than of him. 

A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.
Do you see a man hasty in his words? There is more hope for
a fool than for him.

The problem with anger is that it may lead us to lose control

of our conduct and lash out at others with foolish words or
deeds that are intended to hurt others and may be regretted
later.
Do you feel good after you blow Up is that not why you look
for justification
By contrast, a wise man will control himself, even when he is
angry.
Anger is sinful when it leads us to lose control so that, instead
of being helpful to others, we become abusive, saying evil or
hateful things intended to hurt them. Or we may simply not
care about how we affect them. [Col. 3:8ff; 2 Cor. 12:20]
Genesis 4:4-8

Cain is an example.
When God rejected Cain's offering but accepted Abel's, Cain
became angry and killed Abel.
Cain's anger was wrong, first because Abel had done nothing
wrong. Anger at sin may be justified, but Cain was angry at
someone who was righteous. Cain was the one who did wrong
and was upset because God did not accept his conduct.
Second, his anger was wrong because it led him to harm his
brother.
[Prov. 19:11; Rom. 12:17-21' Acts 7:54-60; 19:28; James 3:9-
12; 1 Peter 3:9; Matt. 7:12]

 Anger can cause us to "clam up."

Ephesians 4:31,32 - Anger and wrath should be "put away"
from us, along with bitterness and malice. But instead of
putting away their anger, some people just put it inside: they
let it build up to bitterness and grudges. They may not say
anything, but their hearts are full of malice and a desire to
hurt others.
That is why sometimes you wonder, that what that person
did does not warrant the response from the person offended.

Ephesians 4:26 - Do not let the sun go down on your wrath.

Instead of letting anger build up, we should get rid of it. One
who "clams up" violates this part of the passage. He may not
lash out to hurt others, but neither does he work
constructively to eliminate the cause of his anger. He just lets
it build up.

James 1:19 - Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak,

slow to wrath. Note that it says be slow to wrath and slow to
speak, not "refuse" to speak.
Leviticus 19:17,18 - Hating our brother and holding a grudge
against him in our heart violates the law of loving our
neighbor as ourselves (which is also a New Testament law).
To avoid this, rebuke him: talk to him about his wrong.

Some view clamming up as the only solution to blowing up.

You don't say or do anything harmful (at the time), but you
hold bitterness in your heart, plotting harmful things to say
and do! Both responses violate the pattern.
In fact clamming up is often what leads to blowing up! The
pressure builds till finally we lash out with cruelty and malice.
When we learn to deal with anger properly, we can avoid both
clamming up and blowing up.
Note that both kinds of anger tend to become habit. We
practice them so often that they become ingrained in our
character and very difficult to overcome. This leads to our
next point.

Ability to Control Anger

Anger can be controlled. Jesus was angry at times and was

tempted in all points like we are, but He did not sin (Heb.
4:15). He controlled His anger, and we can control ours.

A. God Commands Us to Control Our Anger.

We can accomplish whatever God commands us to do.

God does not command the impossible.

1 Corinthians 10:13 - We do not face any temptation that is

beyond our ability to handle, including the temptation to lose
our temper. God will make a way of escape.
There is never an excuse for disobeying God. To say we
cannot control our temper is to say God is not faithful. What
we need to do is to look for the way of escape.
There is no excuse for failing to control our temper. God
requires it and will judge us for it. Philippians 4:13; Psalm
37:5; Eph. 6:10-18; 3:20,21; 2 Cor. 9:8;
B. Experience Shows We Can Control Our Temper.
All of us do control our tempers, when it is important enough
to do so.
Consider a mother who has a terrible day. The washer leaks
on the floor, kids fight, supper burns, she breaks her favorite
bowl, kids track mud on her clean floor. So she explodes,
screams at the kids and threatens them. Then the phone rings
and it's her husband's boss. Suddenly she is quite capable of
carrying on a polite conversation.
Dad works on the car. The dealer gives him a wrong part, it
won't go together right, then it won't run, and a wrench slips
and splits his knuckle. He's screaming and using profanity.
Then a car pulls in the driveway; it's the preacher's wife come
for a visit. Suddenly he is calm and polite.
We can control our anger, when we really want to. If we can
control our temper for the sake of other people, why not do it
for God? God sees everything we do. Is God important
enough to control our anger for?

Bible Principles to Help You Control Your Anger

A. Study the Scriptures and Develop a Plan.

Psalms 119:105 - Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light
to my path. Surely God's word will instruct us how to
overcome anger.
Matthew 4:1-11 - Jesus dealt with Satan's temptations by
quoting Scripture. Surely this approach can help us overcome
the temptation of anger.
Make a list of passages about anger, then study and memorize
them. When tempted to lose our temper, quote or read them.
Then, based on those Scriptures, develop a plan of action.
This would include some or all of the points below.
[Joshua 1:8; Deuteronomy 6:6-9; Proverbs 3:5,6; 2 Timothy
3:16,17; Ephesians 6:17; Romans 1:16; Hebrews 4:12]

B. Repent and Pray.

A person who is not a Christian must repent and be baptized
for remission of sins (Acts 2:38; 22:16; Mark 16:15,16;
Romans 6:3,4; 1 Peter 3:21).
But a child of God who sins, whether loss of temper or any
other sin, must confess the sin and ask God's forgiveness.
Acts 8:22 - To be forgiven, we must repent and pray for
forgiveness. Some want to remove their problem without
admitting it exists. God says confess it and make up your
mind to change.
1 Peter 5:7 - Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for
you. We should pray, not just for forgiveness, but for strength
to overcome temptation. We should ask God's help especially
when facing temptation.
Luke 6:27,28 - Pray for those who spitefully use us. That
includes those who anger us. Praying for others helps us
overcome our bitterness and develop an attitude of good will.
However, some will admit they have a problem and may even
apologize, but then take no steps to change. Still more is
needed.
[Proverbs 28:13; 1 John 1:8-10; Matthew 6:13]
C. Discuss the Problem with Other Christians.

James 5:16 - Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray

for one another, that you may be healed. The effective,
fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.
We may also ask advice from others in overcoming the
problem. Often others have had the same problem. They can
help bear our burden (Gal. 6:2; 1 Thess. 5:14).

D. Avoid Hot-Tempered People.

Proverbs 22:24,25 - Make no friendship with an angry man,
And with a furious man do not go, lest you learn his ways and
set a snare for your soul. If you associate with people who
regularly lose their temper, you become that kind of person.
This is especially dangerous, if you already have the problem.
Associating with people who practice sin tempts you to
participate. Associating with those who have overcome the
problem helps you overcome it.
[Matthew 6:13; Romans 13:14; 1 Corinthians 15:33; 1 Peter
4:3,4; Proverbs 13:20; Exodus 23:2; Psalm 26:5; 2
Corinthians 6:14-18; Ephesians 5:11]

E. Think before You Speak or Act.

James 1:19 - Be slow to speak, slow to wrath.
Proverbs 29:20 - Do you see a man hasty in his words? There
is more hope for a fool than for him.
Proverbs 15:28 - The heart of the righteous studies how to
answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours forth evil. Don't
clam up, but don't just pop off whatever comes to mind. Give
an answer, but study on it first.
Force yourself to analyze the situation and consider the
consequences of what you might say or do. "If I say or do
this, will it be good for others, or am I just angry and will
regret the statement later?" Count to ten. Maybe take a walk
or ask for time to calm down and think. But instead of
clamming up, set an appointment: a specific time to discuss
the problem later.
Proverbs 15:1 - A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh
word stirs up anger. Note it does not say clam up and give no
answer. Give an answer, but make it calm.
Being calm does not mean we must never speak in a way that
expresses anger by tone or volume. The examples we already
learned show that such anger is not necessarily wrong. But
don't speak to hurt, get even, or antagonize. Be sure you are
calm enough to say what is helpful. And if the other person
loses control, then you speak in a way that shows you are
under control.
This turns away wrath: not just the other person's wrath, but
your wrath too! When one person gets angry and says
something mean, the other tends to respond with something
meaner. Then the first must top that, etc. To break the cycle,
instead of attacking the other person, calmly say something to
help him, not hurt him.

F. Work to Solve the Problem that Angered You.

This may seem obvious, but most angry people do the
opposite. We may say we are trying to solve the problem, but
really we are trying to hurt the person who angered us. Instead
of attacking the problem, we attack the person.
First determine exactly what happened that angered you.
The issue is not who angered you, but what happened to anger
you. Learn to distinguish the act from the person. Hate the sin,
but love the sinner. Striking out to hurt the person will not
solve the problem. Seek to destroy the bad conduct, while
helping the person who committed it.
Note: some problems are not worth being angry over. Learn
to distinguish serious problems from imaginary