My whole life, I never thought I was capable of having real true love.

I could never

connect with any of the people around me, and I couldn’t keep friends for very long. The friends

I did have felt more like we were friends because we didn’t have a choice otherwise. I never

dated, mostly because none of the people I schooled with were attractive to me. I lived quite a

while thinking that I wouldn’t ever be able to make connections with people. I felt this way up

until my senior year, and then beyond that. I always struggled with anxiety and depression and as

I kept going through senior year and the year after, I felt like things were really getting worse. I

didn’t think things would get better.

I took a year off to earn money for college, and I really wasn’t sure about what I wanted

to do anyways, so what was the point? But after a summer and fall of doing monotonous work I

decided I wanted something better for myself. I signed up for Spring Semester last minute and

entered in with three classes and no clue what I was doing. This first semester, things still

sucked. I still was struggling, but at least I was doing something with myself. I thought maybe

things would get better now. It was difficult to get through those semesters, where the only thing

I would do was go to class and come home. I still had depression and anxiety, and I still felt so

distant from everybody around me. But things were getting better.

Over the summer I really opened up, I started dressing the way I wanted to, and doing the

things I wanted to. I was more confident. This was also the summer I started to “date” more. I

talked to a couple of boys. I also struggled to relate to them. I would get bored and lose

connection with them. This was also the summer I lost connection with one of my friends from

highschool who had done that first semester of college with me. We were too different once the

semester ended and I had tried to figure myself out.

 I felt really discouraged from it all, even though I was having a good summer. I worried

about the next semester of college that summer and even though I had decided to be a teacher

and was excited, I was worried that the fact that I couldn’t seem to connect would be a problem.

But by the end of the summer, I decided to make the most of it. I decided that even

though my life wasn’t great, I was going to make it the best that I could. I applied to be an

Ambassador, and got in. Because of that one simple action, I met over 60 people who would

become a network of people I knew in one way or another.

Because of this network of people I was able to feel safe and loved. I made connections. I

made friends. I felt loved and safe and supported and in this diverse group of people I came out

for the first time. I was accepted without a single judgement. This was a big difference from my

highschool and home life where differences were looked down upon. It was a breath of relief.

Things were getting better. I felt like I was making a 16 year old me proud.

As the school year went on I grew and changed and learned so much. I made connections

with a small group of people I met at the beginning of the year, and these are the people I will

live with in the coming year. We fit together and have so much fun constantly, I feel like I

belong.

I also met my girlfriend out of those people at the beginning of the year. I met someone

who loves me and cares for me more than I ever thought was possible. I know many people don’t

like this about me, but I did not choose the way I was made. I am only the person that God meant

for me to be.
 I have found love and affection and acceptance in this past year. I have found a group of

people who make me feel like I belong. I’m friends with these people because they love me and I

love them.

The thing that I believe is that it does get better. It does. Things might not get better

instantly, but they do. No matter what you’re dealing with, it can get better. You just gotta stick

around to see it. In two years, my life went from dark and slow and worried anxiety to brighter,

full of more love and less worry. My life is far from perfect, believe me it still has its struggles.

But things have gotten so much better. I believe that it can get better, though a little bit of effort

and a lot of patience, it gets better.

So if you’re struggling, please know that it does get better. There is good out there. There

is light and love out there.

It gets better.