ANGER CONTROL AND MANAGEMENT

ISLAMIC AND MODERN CONCEPT

INTRODUCTION:
Anger or rage is an emotion that every human being feel. Feeling
anger is completely normal as in everyday life certain things can infuse this
emotion in anyone. In response to these aggravating things different people react
differently. It is the reaction to the anger that causes the problem. Some people
control their anger while some people are controlled by their anger.
Out of control anger and outrageous reaction is not supported
in any society or religion. The modern era in which we are living now most of the
problems are caused due to intolerance and bursting due anger. This inhumane
behavior due anger decays societies, families and nations within.
As to solve this issue and tackle human nature modern and
Islamic perspectives describe lengths. This study will point to brief view of good
anger and bad anger, modern solutions and Islamic ideas and how they collide.

WHAT MAKES A PERSON ANGERY?

CAUSES OF ANGER: Every day person goes through several events that infuse
several emotions. People with different age groups, different posts, different
lifestyles have different things that infuriate them. Like when an employee is late
his employer will be angry, if a kid breaks something or make mischief some elder
will be angry, sometimes a kid is mad at their parents for not buying his desire
(rather he should be upset), when one’s sports team loses person gets mad, when
someone disappoints other person gets angry due to un-fulfilment of his hopes, a
person teasing other will make the other angry, teacher will be angry at student
for not doing homework or cheating or misbehaving, student can be mad at
teacher for favoritism, unfairness or overloading, sometimes person can be mad
at weather for being too hot, cold or rainy, person can be angry for his bad health,
public can be furious at government for ignorance, corruption or power outage.
These are a few things where person can get angry but an overreaction in any of
these situation can cause wild fire. Apart from these there are a few habitual or
physiological issues that infuriate a person and people with these are issues are
short tempered. Following is a brief account of those habits.
1. Holding Grudges:
This is somewhat common in our society, holding a grudge
means that one is constantly living with a feeling of anger for someone and
this self-burning habit leads a person to burst with anger over small things
not only with the person one has held a grudge but with everyone else
around him. This habits ticks the person within to lose his cool.
2. Arrogance:
Arrogance is not healthy in any way. An arrogant person is just
unlikeable. Arrogance not only leads a person to devalue other humans but
plays as a major reason of anger. As an arrogant person puts himself above
all so he cannot tolerate anyone speaking against his will. They do not have
any logic but their ego does not let them fall back.
3. Being Judgmental:
A person who nitpicks and is always finding flaws in others
and criticize others regardless of one’s feeling is judgmental. It’s not wrong
to point out bad habits of your friend and advise them to improvise but
nitpicking and forging your opinion on someone and deciding that other
person is bad without knowing them is wrong and bad. A judgmental person
creates opinions about others and when his views are proven wrong, often
leads the person to react with anger.
4. ENVY:
Being envious is one of the major cause of anger infusion. Some
people are blessed by The Almighty more than others. They are ungrateful
for what they have and are never content and satisfied. This satisfaction of a
person, often makes him jealous of other’s success and they wish bad luck
and destruction for the other person and when this does not happen, they
are infuriated. Their jealousy makes their temper instable, hence they are
often found angry.
5. POOR FAMILIAL AND SOCIAL ISSUES
Money and wealth is something that almost everyone wish that
they had more and more. There are people in this world that have so much
money that even if they don’t work for their whole life, their coming two
generations can live a luxurious life on their wealth also without moving an
inch at the same time there are people who work their fingers to bones to
eat once a day. This poverty and unavailability of basic needs makes the
people living in this harsh situation ill-tempered and peevish.
6. Social Media: (Miss-use of freedom of speech)
 Today social media helps us a lot in communicating not with friends
and family but also to help raise our voices against wrong and injustice. It
helps us bring light to social issues and spread awareness among masses,
anyone can call out a wrong doer on social media no matter the rank of that
person. But this much freedom is miss-used a lot. Sometimes people don’t
realize who is the real antagonist and they drag an innocent on social media
and poke fun at him by making disrespectful memes. People lash out at one
another on social media without taking account of their disrespectful words.
So this much freedom makes people intolerant and they show their anger
and hatred for anyone without caring as there are no consequences. Social
media has become a platform where people show their anger and make
other angry and the other’s use the same platform to show their anger and
this chain continues.
7. POWERLESSNESS:
When a person is empowered by others, suppressed again and
again whether right or wrong. It takes him towards depression. Sometimes
this depression result in anger and outrage. When a person is unable to
control his own life and to well for himself he becomes grumpy.
8. ADDICTION:
This is also one of the major cause of anger in a person. Many
people in today’s world are addictive to different types of things from drugs
and alcohols to internet, gaming and food. These addictions have made
people anxious and less caring. Whenever an addictive person feels short of
his addiction he gets mad and angry. Alcoholic people are often more short
tempered as drugs and alcohol weakens person’s sanity.
MODERN PRESPECTIVE
In the modern society outrageous person is also not tolerated.
Anger when it is out of control and destructive, in modern understanding it is
considered to be an illness, while in modern sense it is completely normal to
express anger once a while. Anger is divided into two categories in the modern
idea, one is said to be good and other is bad. The well reputed philosopher
Martha Nussbaum, who has written extensively on the nature of emotions, says
that anger is immensely damaging. “Anger is both poisonous and popular,”.
She says every knows that anger is bad and destructive but still it is
associated with power. She claims that “Even when people acknowledge its
destructive tendencies, they still so often cling to it, seeing it as a strong emotion,
connected to self-respect and manliness”
GOOD ANGER:
Well managed anger is a power. It is believed that anger has an
upside, the self -destructive nature of anger is not denied but it is believed that
anger has a positive aspect as well. Anger is believed to be motivating force, it will
drive you to be more vigilant and help you to speak up for your rights. In the
"Nicomachean Ethics," Aristotle wrote,” Anybody can become angry - that is easy,
but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time
and for the right purpose, and in the right way - that is not within everybody's
power and is not easy.”
In the modern idea its believed to be a healthy habit if a person expresses
his anger timely. It helps prevent emotional overload caused by gulping in anger
every time.

BAD ANGER
Anger is bad when it effects your relations at home and at work,
this behavior is destructive your health. And this anger gradually turns into illness
when it causes destruction not only to one’s self but to others as well. This is
where modern anger management and control institutes work and help a person
control his temper and sanity.
“People won't have time for you if you are always angry or complaining.” Stephen
Hawking
MODERN ANGER MANAGEMENT
Anger management is a psycho-therapeutic program
for anger prevention and control. These programs identify the main issues of
shot-temperament of a person and works therapeutically to resolve the issue and
help the person to control anger.
To prevent aggression and acute reaction to anger several measures are
taken
1. Reactive strategies – Aim to minimize impact of overtly aggressive
behavior by using established protocols. Ex. Enforced isolation after the
start of a violent outburst.
2. Ecological interventions – Attempt to reduce aggression level by
changing an aspect of the environment for a more calming effect. Ex.
Reducing ambient noise to lower irritation.
 3. Contingency management – Focuses on modifying behavior through a
combination of reinforcement and punishment. Using a token economy to
enforce rules concerning behavior.
4. Positive programming – Teaches positive reaction skills as an
alternative to aggression.
Other than illness people are taught several techniques and habits to overcome
their anger.
 Think before you speak
In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a
few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything .
 Once you are calm, express your anger
As soon as you're thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but no
confrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without
hurting others or trying to control them.
 Take a timeout
Timeouts aren't just for kids. Give yourself short breaks during times of the day
that tend to be stressful. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better
prepared to handle what's ahead without getting irritated or angry.
 Don't hold a grudge
Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you can forgive someone who angered you, you
might both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.
 Take a breather
One’s breathing becomes shallower and speeds up as you grow angry. Reverse
your anger by taking slow, deep breaths from your nose and exhaling out of your
mouth for several moments.
 Practice gratitude
Take a moment to focus on what’s right when everything feels wrong. Realizing
how many good things you have in your life can help you neutralize anger and
turn around the situation.
ISLAMIC PRESPECTIVE
Islam is a complete code of life, teachings of Islam covers
all aspects that a human being experience through his life. Rage is a disease to
soul, Islam teaches the best techniques to overcome anger. How Allah Azza Wa Jal
brings the topic up is so beautiful, the way He connects things together, so we can
think about it in a really unique and divine perspective

“So whatever thing you have been given in this world it is but [for] enjoyment of
the worldly life. But what is with Allah is better and more lasting for those who
have believed and upon their Lord rely.”
ASH  SHURA,  VERSE: 36,37

Means, things we have in this life are insignificant they are nothing if we compare
these with the thing in next. We hung up on these things and gaining or loosing
anything here for us is like the end of the world. What we learnt from Allah’s book
is it’s not the end of world. Everything is Mata (utility), thing just to use not
3,

necessarily enjoy.

Ayahs says,

“And it is for those who believe and have trust in Allah”

Then says,

“And those who avoid the major sins and shameful deeds, and when they are
angry, they forgive.”

And when they are angry, when things go wrong we get angry. Now notice how
He first told us that this life does not worth anything as compare to next, means
we have to know the values, this world does not cost to do a single loss of akhirah
this is what Allah teaches us.

And if we see, He did not say, “when they get angry, they calm down.”
He said:
 “When they get angry, they forgive.”

Now, it is one thing to get angry and calm down, that’s hard enough. But imagine
this, somebody made really upset and Allah says these people who really trust
Allah and want the next life move than this life, when they are really angry that’s
when they forgive, Subhan Allah.
                                                       What a standard He set for us, that if you really
want to be a person who prefers that next life, learn to forgive when you are
angry. By the way it is not mandatory, it is for people of highest caliber, may Allah
make us from them. Revenge is allowed in exam within the limits of justice. But
Allah says after a few verses in verse 30 after talking about revenge.

“But whoever pardons and makes reconciliation, his reward is [due] from Allah.”

And this is one is the most healing sentence for those who forgive others for the
sake of Allah. May Allah make it easy for us to keep our anger down and to keep
calm and specially the ability to forgive particularly when it comes to the people
of our family because Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) said,

“The best among you is the one who is best to his family.”   

They say “it is easy to be good at the coffee table but it is hard to hold your anger
in the kitchen.”  Means a person can behave well to others but he behaves with
his own family is the real test of his anger and specially with his/her spouse.   
Allah appreciates a person who control his anger in profound ways.There is a
special group of people, Allah describes them in His book as "IBAD UR RAHMAN".
The one who accepts Allah as his Master is called *abd*, plural of this is abeed or
ibad. Now notice, this aayah doesn't say *abeed ur Rahman* it says *ibad ur
Rahman*. The word *abeed*, in its meanings includes all of the slaves of Allah,
the ones who believe and the ones who don't believe but *ibad* is for special
people.

Now proceed to next word which is AR RAHMAN. Allah chooses word Rahman, he
could have chosen other words for Him as, ibadullah, ibadi, ibad ul khaliq or any
other of His name, he has so many names.
But He specifically used IBAD UR RAHMAN, in other words He associates these
people with Hus name AR RAHMAN. The word AR RAHMAN has Allah's love,
mercy and care at extreme and it is immediate.

So the phrase ibad ur Rahman summarizes in it, the good/special slaves of Allah,
who get Allah's immediate & special mercy. This is how Allah azza wa jal has
highlighted the sacredness of this group. We all would love to be in this group.
Now the first description of these people is really profound. Allah says

"The slaves of Ar Rahman who walk around on the earth, humbly and when Jahil
people  (people excited with any emotion) talk to them, they say salaam(peace) ".

They are humble, they don't have arrogance and as we described before,
arrogance is a major cause if anger. Afterwards He gave a litmus test to us to
check whether they are humble or not by saying.... wa iza khataba....

When people who have no control over their emotions, talk to these special
people they say salaam. The word jhahil in its meanings includes idiots, obnoxious
people, arrogant people, ignorant people, angry people, insulting people,
disrespecting people etc. Now people with these qualities hurt people around
them. When these people talk to the special people of Allah they say *salaam*
which doesn't only mean to say assalam o alaikum rather it means to reply in a
humble, calm and peaceful way, in a way that is undamaging, disarming, way that
doesn't make one angry.

By using word *iza* which means *when*, Allah didn't use word *if* instead He
use when. which means, Allah is acknowledging us that this will surely happen to
us. Jhahil people will come us and rush out their anger on us. But the special
people of Ar Rahman will deal with them generously. If we start fighting back to
them we'll be disqualified for the first category. This is the divine way of Allah to
appreciate people to suppress their anger and maintain peace. Not only when
they are messed about anything but even when people around them are messed
up.
FOLLOWING ARE SOME TECHNIQUES TO DEAL WITH ANGER IN THE
LIGHT OF ISLAM.

1)Seek refuge in Allah: This is the simplest way to control your anger. Whenever
you feel angry, sit down, and seek refuge in Allah from Shaitaan. In Arabic,
say A'oodhu billahi minash shaytaannir rajeem. Have a drink of water, and relax;
don't get tense or stressed out.

Prophet Musa prayed:

“I seek refuge in Allah from being among the ignorant”
Surah baqarah, ayah no:67

2)Keep silent. If someone says something offensive to you, don't retaliate and say
something mean back. If you're having an argument, be the better person, realize
that nothing good comes out of petty arguments, and keep silent.
The Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon him) said:
"If any of you becomes angry, let him keep silent."
 
3)Relax yourself. If you get angry, move away from the source of anger, and sit
down. If you still feel angry, lie down.The Messenger of Allaah (peace be upon
him) said:
"If any of you becomes angry and he is standing, let him sit down, so his anger
will go away; if it does not go away, let him lie down.If the anger still does not go
away,  make wudu.”

4)THINK POSITIVE:Try to think of positive thoughts: instead of dwelling on

thoughts that make you angry. Breathe in through your nose and out through
your mouth, and try to get peace of mind. If you're standing, you may, again, out
of anger, do something you regret, such as hitting someone.
5)Understand what makes you angry: It may be someone at work or at school
that you find annoying or rude; instead of getting angry, kindly speak to them.
Nothing good comes out of shouting at each other. The cure to anger is avoiding
its causes.

6)Know that those who control their anger are praised.

 They are given a high status and are praised in several ahadeeth. The Prophet
(peace be upon him) said:
"The strong man is not the one who can overpower others (in wrestling); rather,
the strong man is the one who controls himself when he gets angry."
 
7)Realize the bad consequences of getting angry.
 In extreme situations, anger can lead to family breakups or someone getting
seriously injured. It can be linked to mental issues or lead to health problems such
as a high blood pressure or tachycardia.

8)Make du'a. Supplication humbles us and can help us control our anger. There
are many du'as for people who find themselves getting worked up easily as a
result of waswasa.
For example:

"I seek refuge in Allah's perfect words from His anger and punishment, from the
evil of His slaves, and from Satan's whispers and presence."
 
Allah-huma adh-hib ghay-da qal-bee.
"Oh Allah, remove anger from my heart."
DISCUSSION:
From above point of view, many similarities and dissimilarities can
be observed in Islamic and modern perspective on anger. The main similarity is
that in both ideas uncontrollable anger is not a desirable characteristic for a
sensible and progressive human being. Islam works on character building and
provide complete guidelines on how a person should act and behave, if a person
lives in accordance with the teachings of Islam from the beginning, he will know
how to react in anger and keep his cool. Since Islam rewards a person who keeps
calm and acts wisely when angry, thence motivating a person. Modern concept
works as damage control, since uncontrollable anger is an illness. Both ideas
suggest that a person should be calm and should be able to maintain his cool even
in harsh situations. Suggestion of good and bad anger by modern perspective is
not supported by Islamic view, since it is evident that decisions made in anger are
never wise. Any motivation fueled by anger have the tendency to take the person
off track.
CONCLUSION:
Anger is a human emotion, there is no harm in feeling it. But
when it controls a person and make him hurt ones around him and himself, that is
where the problem starts. Both Modern and Islamic ideas do not appreciate an
aggressive being, so it is clear a calm person is more likable and more probable to
get success. If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred
days of sorrow. Anger brings nothing but regrets and despair. It is wiser to get
oneself together and learn to manage his anger.