Week 3 Picks:

After much delay and consideration (can I blame covid?), the picks have gloriously returned for
a week 3 debut! The picks began the season in non-written form by going 8-6, while Rolando
has the early lead at 9-5. Last week’s Pickup of the Week was split between Mr. and Mrs.
Commish, who grabbed the Tampa Bay and Green Bay defenses respectively and each got 16-
point returns. Last Week’s C’Mon Man Moment goes to me as well, with a 32-point benching
of Leonard Fournette.
You all may think I’m a sand bagging son of a bitch for reviving the league I claimed to have
“ended for good” only months earlier, but I didn’t hear anyone bitching when HBO brought Jon
Snow back from the fucking dead! As we enter into our 10-year RvP Anniversary just remember
one thing, IT’S FANTASY SEASON BABY!!

RvP UrMyBitchLover! vs. The Kingslayers:

Ryan I apologize if I don’t seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation
that people call “Head to Head”. You’re sitting there, you’re wondering, ‘which quarterback do
I start, should I stream a defense, maybe I should play Stafford, but what if he plays Hockenson,
am I still interested (I don’t really care), but should I play like I’m interested, but I’m not that
interested, but I think he might be interested, but do I want to be interested but now he’s not
interested? So all of a sudden I’m getting…I’m starting to get interested…but then Hockenson is
on his bench. Do I have to wait until lineup locks, cause then its awkward, it’s like well, ‘time
for kickoff.’ Do I pretend to use Rodgers like one of those ass-out hugs after a date? Where
you like, you hug each other and your ass sticks out cause you’re trying not to get too close? Or
do I just go right into Sunday with Stafford in my lineup and just say screw it all? It’s very
difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while I’m really just wondering, ‘when is
someone gonna get hopped up enough to make me a terrible trade offer for a quarterback
where I don’t have to decide every week? Perhaps play a little game called ‘make a trade with
Matt’. Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or how about, who cares RvP
UrMyBitchLover! With the win!
 MakeMeABicycle Clown vs. Ma! The meatloaf!
This matchup is projected to be a close one and entails two teams that just so happen to be my
favorite team names. Call her Kat, Call her Kitty Kat, that’s right in what what will be a surprise
to Jenna, my Week 3 Character Announcement is none other than Jenna as Kathleen Cleary!
Her fantasy team may be off to an 0-2 start, but her two perfect cans always make me want to
pick her for the victory. Ma! The meatloaf! With the W!

Motor Boating SOB vs. Rule #51:

Matty-Y actually made the draft this year, but between risky picks and the 2020 injury hammer,
he comes into this matchup floundering at 0-2. He faces off against our defending champ who
had a “shockingly” descent auto draft and is hoping the new Josh Allen is here to stay. With
Michael Thomas likely out another week Matt is forced to resort to the dreaded start two tight-
ends last-resort-strategy. Look for Rule #51 with the W!
 Just the Tip vs. Sexual and Violent
After a tough week 1 loss, newcomer Pat started to fit in nicely with the league when he took
his turn beating down perennial RvP whipping boy Kevin K. in week 2. He faces off this week
against our Week 2 Makeup Character Announcement with Micah as none other than Todd
Cleary! The picks expect Micah to welcome Pat with a little gift he painted, its called
“Celebration w/A Beatdown”. It’s Sexual and Violent with the W!

Just Living TheDream vs. Stage 5 Clingers:

Perhaps the auto draft was just what the doctor ordered to help Chris get over that 2 nd place
hump and finally win a championship! Despite some injury woes, Chris has powered through
the first 2 weeks and come out undefeated and with RvP’s top points total. He faces off against
a Rolando team that also comes in undefeated, but without that same firepower, averaging 50
less points a week than our Harcarian Hero. Expect the Stage 5 Clingers to pop Rolando’s
fantasy perfection cherry this week and then quickly exit stage right!
Fishing w/dynamite vs. Game of Jones:
Both of these teams enter week 3 with injury concerns, so it isn’t shocking that they also enter
the week with a combined zero wins! Despite what now appears to be a brilliant mid-round
pick of Cam Newton, Kevin K. has once again struggled out the gate and has a league low 196
point total. My gut leans towards Kevin on this one, but having never won a matchup prior to
week 5 in his RvP tenure, I’m reluctant to ignore the following:

Rule #32: Don’t commit to a winner unless you’re sure their team has a pulse.
Game of Jones with the W!

Todd’s Gift vs. Crabcakes&Football:

The final matchup of the week may well be the highest projected combined total that I have
ever seen in the history of 14-team RvP. With a staggering combined point total of 292
entering play, this one is likely to have plenty of fireworks. Seemingly every player on both
teams is in a ++ matchup, and these squads have the #2 and #3 points totals in RvP through 2
weeks! All I have to say is, I hope you both flip your bikes over and knock out your two front
teeth! You selfish sons of bitches! You leave the rest of us in the trenches taking grenades,
starting two tight ends and praying to break 100! I suppose if I have to choose I’ll resort to the
coin flip….Todd’s Gift with the W!