EXT. ROOF.

NIGHT

DIANE
Hey.

BOJACK
- Thought I might find you here.

DIANE
- I'm trying to quit.

BOJACK
Yeah, you look like you're trying really hard.

DIANE
Don't be shitty.

BOJACK
I haven't seen you in a while. You doing okay?

DIANE
Yeah, I'm doing okay. - I mean, you know, okay.

BOJACK
- Sure.

DIANE
I'm working on this middle-grade fiction series. I mean, who am I, Rick Riordan?

BOJACK
Who's Rick Riordan?

DIANE
Yeah, good point. What have you been up to?

BOJACK
Well, let's see, um, I've been getting into podcasts, went through a Sudoku phase, and, uh, - oh,
I'm in prison, so...

DIANE
- Right. That's still happening?

BOJACK
Oh, it's very much happening. I've also got a new movie coming out.

DIANE
Oh, yeah, with Vance Waggoner, right?

BOJACK
I know what you're thinking, but he's...

DIANE
You don't need to explain yourself to me.

BOJACK
I know you think I'm some kind of a sell-out, but it wasn't like other opportunities were banging
down my door...

DIANE (overlapping)
- I'm not arguing with you.
- Because of "Horny Unicorn"...
I'm not going to help you work through whatever you're trying to work through.
I just came out here to smoke.
You came to me.

BOJACK
- Because I wanted to talk to you.

DIANE
- About what? "The Horny Unicorn"?

BOJACK
No, about... I don't know.
- I just wanted to talk to you.
- I miss talking to you.

DIANE
I wish I had my phone right now.

BOJACK
Yeah, I know what you mean. I never know what to do with my hands at parties.

DIANE
No, I wish I had my phone so I could play you the last voicemail you left me. Did you remember
that, that you left me a voicemail?

BOJACK
Ooh.

DIANE
I thought you were sober. You told me you were sober. And things were good in my life and I
was thinking about my future, and then I woke up one morning and I had this voicemail.
BOJACK
Look, I-I wasn't in the...

DIANE
You were happy on the voicemail. You sounded happy. Or lightly sardonic, or glibly nihilistic,
or however you'd describe that thing you get that's the closest to the emotion normal people call
happy.
- I'm sorry...- And you were clearly intoxicated, and you were talking about swimming. "I'm
going swimming," you said. "Since nothing matters anyway, and nobody cares about me,- I
might as well go swimming, right?"

BOJACK
- I'm so sorry.

DIANE
"Call me back if you don't want me to go swimming. Otherwise, I'm just gonna assume
you don't care."
I thought you were dead.
For seven hours, I couldn't get in touch with anyone and I was sure you were dead, and it was my
fault for leaving you, for feeling good, for not worrying.
When I left for Chicago, you promised me you were gonna be okay, but I made you promise me
that. - Was I selfish for believing you?

BOJACK
- No.

DIANE
Why did you call me? You knew I was in Chicago.

BOJACK
I don't know. I was drunk and... and I was high.
And I just... I wanted to talk to you.

DIANE
When I found out you weren't dead,
I was angry.
I was relieved, but I was also angry that I'd given you that power over me.
I was angry at you for a really long time.

BOJACK
Are you still angry at me?

DIANE
No. I don't know.
What good has being angry at you ever done for me?
BOJACK
- I'm sorry.

DIANE
I wish I could have been the person you thought I was, - the person who would save you.

BOJACK
- That was never your job.

DIANE
Then why did you always make me feel like it was? I don't know, maybe it's everybody's job to
save each other. I don't know. Anyway, I'm glad you're alive.

BOJACK
I am, too.
So, you're still in Chicago, then, or...?

DIANE
When I got that voicemail, my boyfriend at the time wanted me to move to Houston with him. I
wanted to move with him. But after you called, I got scared.

BOJACK
- Oh, no.

DIANE
- I didn't trust myself. I was happy and I didn't trust that. So I stayed in Chicago. We tried to
make it work long distance, but it was hard. Eventually, I just thought, "This is stupid."

BOJACK
So, what, you broke up with him?

DIANE
No. I moved to Houston.

BOJACK
To be with your boyfriend at the time?

DIANE
Yeah. Plus, the winters in Chicago are cold as shit, I don't know why anyone would build a city
there. No wonder that cow started that fire. I get it. I'm on Team Cow.

BOJACK
But your boyfriend at the time, he's not your boyfriend anymore?
DIANE (showing engagement ring)
He is not.

BOJACK
- Wow.

DIANE
- Yeah.

BOJACK
How'd you learn how to trust it? The happiness?

DIANE
I didn't. But I trust him.

BOJACK
It's hard to imagine you in Houston.

DIANE
Oh, I'm like a totally different person now.

BOJACK
- Are you?

DIANE
- No? Yes? I wear fewer jackets. I smile more. Sometimes I look back at my LA years, and I
think, "Who was that person?"

BOJACK
Does she ever come back, that Diane?

DIANE
Sometimes. I felt her when I got back to LA. I feel her now that I'm talking to you.

BOJACK
But it's not you?

DIANE
I mean, it's all me. I'd love to say, "No, she's gone forever." But I was terrified of coming back
here for the wedding. - Seeing Mr. Peanutbutter. Seeing you.

BOJACK
- What'd you think was gonna happen?

DIANE
I don't know, I would spin out, start questioning everything, blow everything up.
BOJACK
But that didn't happen, did it?

DIANE
No. That didn't happen.

BOJACK
But was part of you kinda hoping that it would?

DIANE
Mm.

BOJACK
You ever miss the mess?

DIANE
No, "miss" is the wrong word.

BOJACK
Sorry, Ms.

DIANE
I'm glad I lived in LA, but I'm not nostalgic for it. I'm glad I knew Mr. Peanutbutter, - even
though he's not in my life anymore.

BOJACK
- Yeah?

DIANE
I think there are people that help you become the person that you end up being, and you can be
grateful for them even if they were never meant to be in your life forever. I'm glad I knew you,
too.

BOJACK
"Knew," huh?

DIANE
Mm.

BOJACK
Hey, wouldn't it be funny if this night was the last time we ever talked to each other?

DIANE
- Um, anyway, I... - I need to tell you...
BOJACK
No. You don't have to... You don't owe me anything.

DIANE
No, I need to tell you: Thank you. And it's going to be okay. And I'm sorry. And... thank you.