Friends.

S03E01
You made pancakes?
Friends.S03E01 Yeah, like there's any way I could ever do
- I tell you that girl totally winked at that.
me! - She did not wink at you. Monica and Rachel had syrup
You always think somebody's winking at you. Uh, uh Now I can get my man to cheer up.
# So no one told you life was gonna be this Good morning, Joey.
way # Good morning.
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love Here's a thought.
life's D.O.A. # Why don't you stay home from work and just
# It's like you're always stuck in second hang out with me?
gear # Oh, I wish.
# When it hasn't been your day, # You have that report to finish, and I've
# your week, your month, or even your year got to see my lawyer.
# I can't believe I date a girl who's getting
# but I'll be there for you # divorced.
# When the rain starts to pour # I'm such a grownup.
# I'll be there for you # I gotta go, I gotta go.
# Like I've been there before # Not without a kiss.
# I'll be there for you # Maybe I won't kiss you so you'll stay.
# 'Cause you're there for me too # Kiss her. Kiss her!
I say "Tupelo Honey" by Van Morrison. I'll see you later, sweetie. Bye, Joey.
No way! Bye-bye, Janice.
The most romantic song ever was "The Way So when are you dumping her?
We Were." Nope.
Ah, I think the one that Elton John wrote Not this time.
for, um, that guy on Who's the Boss? Heh. Come on, quit yanking me.
What song was that? I'm not yanking you.
Hold me close, young Tony Danza - This is Janice. - Yeah, I know.
- Hi, Monica. - Hi, Mon. She makes me happy.
Hey, Mon. Okay. All right.
Oh, my God! You look me in the eye and tell me, without
- Has she slept at all? - Nope. blinking...
It's been three nights in a row. ...that you're not breaking up with her.
She finally stopped crying yesterday. No blinking.
But then she found one of Richard's cigar I'm not breaking up with her!
butts on the terrace... What's that?
Oh. Okay, that explains it. I got a call God, look what I found in the drain!
at 2 in the morning... What?
...and all I could hear was this squeaky It's some of Richard's hair!
sound. What do I do with this?
So I thought, "Oh, it's a mouse or a Getting it away from me would be job one.
possum." It's weird, but I don't want to throw this
Then I realized, like, okay... away.
...where would a mouse or a possum get the This is all I have left of him.
money to make the phone call? Gross...
- Morning. - Morning. Hey. ...drain hair.

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-【1】-

Cool! Oh, it looks like a tiny little person
drowning in your cereal.
- God, what is wrong with me? - You need
to get some sleep.
I need to get some Richard.
You broke up with him for a reason.
I know. I know. I'm just so tired of missing
him.
Tired of wondering why he hasn't called.
Why hasn't he called?
Maybe because you told him not to?
What are you, the Memory Woman?
They're not breaking up! Chandler and
Janice?
They're not breaking up! He didn't blink!
Well, you koow I'm not surprised. Have you
seen them together?
They're really cute.
"Cute"? This is Janice!
You remember Janice?
Yes, I remember. She's annoying. But you
know what?
She's his girlfriend now. I mean, what can
we do?
There you go! That's the spirit I'm looking
for! "What can we do?"
All right, who's first, huh? Ross?
Chandler's our friend, and Janice makes him
happy.
So I say we be adult about it and accept
her.
We'll call that Plan B.
Honey...
...I was wondering...
...do you still have that, um, Navy
uniform?
No, I had to return it to the costume place.
I think I have an old band uniform from high
school.
You remember not having sex in high school,
right?
Yeah.
Well, honey, what about you?
- What? - I mean...
Do you have any fun, you know, fantasy-type
things?
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-【2】-
Friends.S03E01
No.
Come on. You gotta have one.
Nope.
- Ross, you know what? - What?
If you tell me, I might do it.
Okay.
Did you ever see, um, Return of the Jedi?
Yeah.
Do you remember the scene...
...with, um, Jabba the Hutt?
Jabba had as his prisoner...
...Princess Leia.
Princess Leia was wearing...
...this, um, gold bikini thing.
It was pretty cool.
Yeah, Princess Leia and the gold bikini?
Oh, every guy our age loved that.
Really?
It's huge! That's the moment when she
stopped being a princess...
...and she became, like, you know, a woman.
Did you ever do the Leia thing?
Oh, yeah. Mm-hm.
Really? That great, huh?
No, it's just that I got this new pager,
and I have it on "vibrate."
See you.
Hey.
Hi, you guys!
Look who I found standing outside the
Szechuan Dragon...
...staring at a parking meter.
- Ahem. Mon. Hi. - Hi.
- Why aren't you at work? - Oh, they sent
me home.
Why?
Because I don't work at the Szechuan
Dragon.
You really need to get some sleep.
I know I do.
- Hi. - Hi.
Guess what? They published my paper.
Oh! Really? Let me see, let me see.
Rach, look!
No.
Hi. Ha, ha.
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 Friends.S03E01
Where is my strong Ross Skywalker to come Rushmore!
rescue me? Then who's the guy that painted the faces
There he is! on the mountain?
- Hey. - Wheel! How could you tell her?
Fortune! I didn't think it would be that big a deal!
This guy's so stupid. Oh. She didn't think it would be a big deal!
It's Count Rushmore! Who are you talking to when you do that?
You should really go on this show. Look, that was supposed to be a private,
All right, lisen, I got three tickets to personal thing between us.
the Rangers tonight. What do you say? Okay, Ross, Phoebe is my girlfriend, okay?
I say I am there! We tell each other everything.
Cool! Oh. l mean, come on! Guys do the same thing.
Is Ross going too? I mean, what about all that locker-room
No. Janice. stuff?
Janice? That's different, okay? That's like, uh,
Because I just feel bad for Ross, you know? who dated a stripper?
We always go together. We're like The Three Or who did it on the back of the Staten
Hockey-teers, you know? Island ferry?
You koow, I may be way out on a limb here, - Both of those Joey? - Yeah.
but do you have a problem with Janice? But you don't talk about your girlfriend...
No! ...and the intimate stuff you do with her.
Yes... - Not even with your best friend? - No.
Oh, God, how do I say this? Uh... That is so sad.
You know that girl from the restaurant with You're missing out on so much.
the hair? I mean, the bonding and the sharing...
Ooh! That girl that I hate? Ugh! She drives ...and knowing they're going through the
me crazy. Ew. same thing you are.
Look, I don't hate Janice. She's just a lot Oh. So, what, you tell each other
to take, you know? everything?
Well, there you go. Pretty much.
Come on, don't look at me like that. Did you talk about the Night of Five Times?
She drove you nuts before too, remember? Do you tell people about the Night of Five
I'm crazy about her now. l think this could Times?
be the real thing. Uh, honey, that was with Carol.
Capital R, capital T! I know, but it's still worth mentioning,
Don't worry, those are the right letters. I think.
Look, what do you want me to say? Relax every muscle in your body.
I want you to say that you like her! Listen to the plinky-plunky music.
I can't. It's like this chemical thing, you Okay, now close your eyes...
know? ...and think of a happy place.
Every time she starts laughing, I just Tell me your happy place.
wanna... Richard's living room, drinking wine.
...pull my arm off so I have something to No, no, no. Not a Richard thing. Just put
throw at her. down the glass and get out.
Thanks for trying. I'm sorry, but that's my happy place.
Oh, and by the way, there is no Count Okay, fine. Use my happy place. Just don't

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-【3】-
 Friends.S03E01
move anything in there. He loved the Civil War.
I'll try not to. Do you want us to take you home?
Okay. All right, so, you're in a meadow... Or maybe to a galaxy far, far away.
...millions of stars in the sky... Women tell each other everything. Did you
You think breaking up was a huge mistake? know that?
There are no questions in the happy place. Ha, ha. Yeah.
Just the warm breeze and the moonlight No, Chandler, everything.
flowing through the trees. Like stuff you like. Stuff she likes.
I'll bet he's over me. I'll bet he's fine. Technique. Stamina. Girth.
Betting and wagering of any kind are not Girth?
permitted in the happy place. Why? Why? Why?
Okay? Why would they do this?
There's just, you know, the lovely Rachel says sharing's great and
waterfalls... supposedly...
...and the trickling fountains... ...we ought to be doing it.
...and the calming sounds of the babbling Uh, do you want to?
brook. - We're not gonna talk about girth? - No.
Okay, this isn't working. - Yeah. Okay. Yeah. - Yeah?
I'm still awake, and now I have to pee. All right, you go first.
So I hear... - Okay. Okay, I'll go first. - Okay.
...you hate me! So, uh, the other night...
I, uh, never said hate. I was very careful ...Rachel and I are in bed talking about
about that. fantasies...
A little birdie told me you wanting to rip ...and I happened to describe a
your arm off and throw it at me. particular...
And you got "hate" from that? You're taking ...Star Wars thing...
a big leap there, I, uh... - Princess Leia and the gold bikini. - Yes.
All right, fine, fine, fine! - I know! - Yes.
We have got to do something about our little Well, that was easy. Ha, ha.
situation here. Okay, you go.
So this is my idea. - Okay. - Okay.
You and me spending some quality time Okay, you know when you're in bed with a
together. woman...
But what does that...? ...and, uh, ahem, you know, you're fooling
For Chandler! around...
Okay. I'm in. ...and you get all these mental images in
Okay! This is what we'll call it: Joey and your brain?
Janice's Day of Fun! Like Elle MacPherson or the girl at the
Does it have to be a day? Xerox place?
Yes, because that's how long it takes to - With the bellybutton ring? Oh. - Oh! I
love me. know.
Yeah, I know. Ha. I sleep in the next room. And then all of a sudden, your mom pops into
I went down to the post office... your head.
...and it turns out it was those videos that And you're, like, "Mom, get out of here!"
I ordered... But after that, you can't think of anything
...for Richard about the Civil War. else.

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-【4】-

And you can't stop what you're doing. So
it's kind of like you're...
...you know, you know...
You don't know!
Your mom?
You're telling me about your mom? What's
the matter with you?
- You said... - I said "share," not "scare"!
Go sit over there!
We're back!
What are you guys doing together?
Joey and Janice's Day of Fun!
- Really? - Yeah, yeah.
We went to a Mets game. We got Chinese food.
And, uh, you know, I love this woman.
Ha-ha-ha.
You have got competition, buddy.
Well, I just came by to give you a kiss.
I have to go pick up the baby. So I'll see
you later, sweetheart.
You too, Chandler.
- You still can't stand her, can you? - I'm
sorry, man. I tried! I really did!
I appreciate you giving it a shot.
But you know, the good thing...
...is that we spent the whole day together
and I survived.
And what's even more amazing, so did she.
Ha, ha.
It was Bat Day at Shea Stadium.
I guess that's something.
Oh, man, that's huge!
Now I know I can stand to be around her.
Which means...
...I get to hang out with you.
Which is kind of the whole point anyway.
Ha, ha.
Okay.
Oh, hey! We, uh, stopped by the coffee shop
and, uh, ran into Ross.
Oh, God.
If it makes you feel any better, I do it
too.
- Really? - Oh, yeah!
I always picture your mom when I'm having
sex.
第 5 页 共 6 页
-【5】-
Friends.S03E01
April 12, 1861.
The United States garrison at Fort Sumter
was fired upon.
It is now under bombardment by...
Dad, what are you doing here?
It's your mother's bridge night, so I came
into the city for a Moni-cuddle.
Since when did you start smoking cigars?
I don't. I just like the smell of them.
So, uh, what are you really doing here?
I just wanted to make sure you're okay.
Why wouldn't I be okay?
I saw Richard.
So how you doing?
I'm fine.
I'm just a little tired, but I'm okay.
- Ahem. How's Richard doing? - You don't
want to know.
No, I really, really do.
Well, he's doing terrible!
Really?
Worse than when he broke up with Barbara.
- You're not just saying that, are you? -
No, the man is a mess!
- Was he crying? - No.
Do you think he was waiting till after you
left, so he could cry?
Maybe.
I think so.
Honey, relationships are hard. Like with
your mom and me.
You know, after we graduated from college,
we broke up for a while.
It seems her father, your grandfather...
...wanted her to travel around Europe like
he did.
Of course, he got to do it on Uncle Sam's
nickel...
...because he was also strafing German
troop trains at the time.
However...
Okay, here we go.
I am Jabba's prisoner. And you...
...have a really weird look on your face.
What? Honey, what is it?
Did I get the hair wrong?
 Friends.S03E01
Or what? Did you just picture it
differently? What?
No, no. It's, um... It's not you. It's,
um...
What is it? Come on, sweetie. You're, like,
freaking me out here.
I hate Chandler. The bastard ruined my
life!

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-【6】-

Friends.S03E02
All right, they got water, orange juice...
...and what looks like cider.
Taste it.
Yeah, it's fat.
I drank fat!
I know, I did that two minutes ago.
Hey.
Hey, Mr. Tux.
- Why aren't you dressed? - We have a
half-hour.
That was four minutes ago. We have to be
out the door at 20 to 8.
Relax, we'll be ready. It takes us two
minutes to get dressed.
I'd feel better if you got dressed now.
- Okay. - Okay.
Hey!
Oh, look at you, all sexy.
Really?
- Hi. - Hi.
- How come you didn't come over earlier?
- Because I'm a stupid, stupid man.
Hey, Ross, want some cider?
No.
So you're pretty close, huh?
Makeup's on. Hair's done.
I just have to get dressed.
And that takes, what? Just 6 or 7 minutes?
Yeah. Once I figure out what I'm wearing.
Glass of fat?
# So no one told you life was gonna be this
way #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love
life's D.O.A. #
# It's like you're always stuck in second
gear #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# your week, your month, or even your year
# Ooh. Phoebe, you look great!
# but I'll be there for you #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# I'll be there for you #
# Like I've been there before #
# I'll be there for you #
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-【7】-
Friends.S03E02
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
What's the matter? You nervous about your
speech?
Nope.
- You wanna hear it? - Am I in it?
After I thank everyone for donating to the
museum...
...I sing a song about the wonder that is
Joey.
- Hello. - Hey.
Hello! You look great!
Thank you. I know, though.
You see this? This is a person who is ready
to go.
Phoebe, you...
You are my star.
Aw. Well, you're my lucky penny.
All right, I took the quiz, and it turns
out I do put career before men.
Get up.
What?
- You're in my seat. - How is this your seat?
I was sitting there.
But then you left.
Well, it's not like I went to Spain.
I went to the bathroom. You knew I'd be
back.
What's the big deal? Sit somewhere else!
The "big deal" is, I was sitting there last!
So...
...it's my seat.
Well, actually, the last place you were
sitting was in there, so...
You guys, you know what? It doesn't matter.
You both have to go get dressed before the
big vein in my head pops.
I just have to do one thing. It's not a big
deal.
Get up!
- Hi. - Hey.
All right already.
Ooh. Are you gonna do magic?
That's funny. Change.
- Hang on, I just got in. - I don't care.
It starts at 8. We can't be late.

"He could not, would not, want to wait."
Our table is down in front. My boss will
be there.
Everyone will see if we arrive after it
starts.
Has somebody been drinking my fat?
Does this look like something a If it is a new message, what is he calling
paleontologist's girlfriend would wear?
I don't know. You might be the first one.
- Rach, did you check the machine? - No.
Wait. This is the outfit that makes my
calves look fat. Never mind.
Well, Joey, I wrote a little song today.
It's called, "Get up!"
All right. You can have the chair.
- Really? - Oh, my. Would you look at that?
I'm coming over.
What if I'm already there when you play this
message?
Is that too spooky?
Hi, Rach, are you there? It's me. Pick up.
Rachel? Rach?
What?
Never mind.
Monica, it's Richard. Call me.
Is that message old or new?
Old or new? Old or new?
It's definitely old. Didn't you hear the
double beep?
What if it's new? We agreed not to talk.
It could be important. Shouldn't I call him
back?
Honey, you did call him back. It's old.
Yeah, see, Mon, listen. Listen.
When Carol and I broke up...
...I went through the same thing. You know
what I did?
I got dressed.
Really, really quickly, okay? Okay?
There we go. There we go.
You know what? Don't get up. Just sit there.
I just hope you don't mind my hand right
here.
Not touching. Can't get mad! Not touching.
Can't get mad!
Not touching. Can't get mad!
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-【8】-
Friends.S03E02
Oh! Oh, my God!
You rotten boys!
- Sorry, Phoebe. - What am I gonna do?
Don't rub it! What gets out hummus?
What gets out hummus?
Monica! What gets out hummus?
to say?
Okay, thanks. Yeah, I'll try that.
Maybe he called to say you're obsessive and
crazy?
- So should I call him back? - No!
No!
- Fine, we'll both sit in the chair. - Fine
with me.
I am so comfortable.
Me too.
In fact, I think I might be a little too
comfortable.
Okay, we have 19 minutes. I want you to go
and change.
When you come back, Joey will go change,
and he'll have vacated the chair.
- Okay. - All right.
Fine. I'm going.
When I get back, it's Chair City. And I'm
the guy...
...who's sitting in a chair!
Is this a little too...?
Pheebs? What happened?
I got the hummus.
Oh, honey, we'll find you something. You
wanna wear my black jacket?
- It won't go with this dress. - You're
right.
- Well, let's just get you out of that. -
No, no, no. Not out of that.
- Not out of clothes. - Can Phoebe borrow
your green dress?
I called him.
Yes. I got his machine and I left a message.
But it's okay. It's okay...
...because it was, like, a casual, breezy
message.
It was breezy.
Oh, God, what if it wasn't breezy?

How could it not be breezy? No, because
you're in such a breezy place.
I got it. I'll play my message, and you guys
tell me if it's breezy enough.
But how you gonna do that?
I know the code to his answering machine.
Okay, Mon, I really don't think this is
the...
Okay, you're dialing. You are dialing.
Hi, this is Richard. Please leave a message
at the tone.
You have two new messages.
What a cool job.
"You have two new messages."
Please pass the pie.
Hi, it's Monica. I'm just checking in.
I got a message and didn't know if it was
old or new...
...so I'm just checking.
So let me know.
Or don't. Whatever.
I'm breezy!
You can't say you're "breezy." That negates
the "breezy."
Hola. It's me. Yesterday was really fun.
Call me about this weekend, okay?
Now, she sounded breezy.
He's seeing someone. I can't believe he's
seeing someone.
- You don't know that. - Well, whose voice
was that?
Maybe it was his sister's. Maybe it was his
daughter's.
Michelle. Of course! Did it sound like
Michelle?
Oh, great. It's starting to rain. That'll
make it easier to get a cab.
It was Michelle.
It was definitely Michelle.
Try Monica's green dress. If it doesn't fit,
wear my gray silk one.
- Unless I wear it. - You don't know what
you're wearing?
I'm just trying to look nice for your big
night.
Yeah, which we have to leave for in 12
第 3 页 共 6 页
-【9】-
Friends.S03E02
minutes.
Come on, I'll just pick something out for
you.
You'll notice that I'm fully dressed.
I, in turn, have noticed that you are not.
So in the words of A.A. Milne, "Get out of
my chair, dill-hole."
Okay.
- What are you doing? - You said to give
you the chair.
You didn't say anything about cushions.
They're the essence of the chair!
That's right! I'm taking the essence.
Oh, he'll be back.
Oh, there's nobody in the room.
- I'm sorry, I thought it looked pretty.
- That was a Halloween costume.
Unless you would like me to go as Little
Bo Peep.
I didn't recognize it without that
inflatable sheep.
Yeah, which, by the way, Chandler, I would
like back one of these days.
Rach, good! Listen, isn't this perfect for
me?
Oh, it's perfect! But not for tonight.
Of course not for tonight. Hi. I'm going
to a benefit.
Not for tonight? What are you doing?
No, I'm sorry. We didn't mean it. I love
you. Breathe.
We used them as pillows when we went
camping.
What?
The sheep.
Hey, what you do on your own time...
Where's my underwear?
- Come on, you took his underwear? - He took
my essence!
Okay, hold on. Why can't you just wear the
underwear you're wearing now?
Because I'm not wearing any underwear now.
Then why do you have to wear underwear
tonight?
It's a rented tux, okay?
I'm not gonna go "commando" in another

man's fatigues.
Then somebody's gonna have to give somebody
back his cushions.
Okay. You hide my clothes. I'm gonna do the
exact opposite to you.
What, are you gonna show me my clothes?
Hey, opposite...
...is opposite.
He's got nothing!
Okay, I'm ready.
Rachel didn't have anything I liked but
this ribbon.
I thought, all right, I'll be political.
- What are you supporting? - Christmas.
Hey, that's okay with me. Two down, and I
have exactly 12 minutes...
What?
My watch stopped. My watch. Okay, see...
...the dinosaur tail isn't going around
anymore.
What time is it? It's 7:33. I have 7
minutes.
I have seven minutes!
Which shoes should I wear? The black or the
purple?
- Just pick one, okay? - Oh, okay, okay.
The black.
Do you have black with little strappies?
Yeah, but those go better with pants. Maybe
I should wear pants.
Yeah, pants! What an idea! Or better yet,
go without pants.
I don't know what you're doing but just get
in there...
...and pick out any shoes that fit your
feet.
I don't care if they match. I don't care
if they make...
...your ankles or your knees or your
earlobes look fat. Just do it!
Go in there, pick something out so we can
go.
- All right. - Thank you.
I've got to call Michelle to see if that
was her voice.
It was. It was her voice.
第 4 页 共 6 页
-【10】-
Friends.S03E02
Monica, I think you've gone over to the bad
place.
Hola.
Hello? Hello?
- Okay. That was her, right? - Definitely.
Yeah.
So there you go. Whew!
We're out of the woods. I think I'll get
dressed now.
- I'll get it. - Okay.
Hi, Monica and Rachel's.
Yeah, just a second. Can I ask who's
calling?
Ooh! It's Michelle! Ooh!
She must have that "caller I.D." thing. You
should get that.
Michelle?
Yeah, that was me. I dialed your number by
mistake.
Just try to be...
You're so sweet.
Yeah, we were a great couple.
I know, I really miss him.
Well, you know how it is. It's just that...
You know what's weird?
Donald Duck never wore pants.
But when he gets out of the shower...
...he always puts a towel around his waist.
I mean, what is that about?
I only beeped in so I could hear my own
message.
I mean, that's allowed.
I would really appreciate it if you
wouldn't tell your dad about...
What do you mean, you don't feel
comfortable with this? We're friends!
That bitch always hated me.
- I'm calling her back. - No, no, no! Tick,
tick, tick.
- Okay, fine. - Okay.
- She's got a phone in there, right? - Okay,
we're on it.
I know it says, "black tie optional"...
...but this may be pushing it a little.
I'm not gonna go.
You're not gonna go?

No, I think I'm gonna catch up on my
correspondence.
How can you not be going?
I'm not gonna go.
So I think that will accomplish the "not
going."
Um, you know, just out of curiosity...
Ever since I was humiliated and yelled at
in front of my friends...
...I'm just, I don't know, not in a very
museum benefit-y kind of mood.
Right. Well, okay. Okay. God, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I yelled.
- That's fine. - No, but you're mad.
I'm not mad. I'm just not going.
- Right. - Okay.
You know that I have to go, right?
So is it gonna be like I'm abandoning you
while you're upset?
- No. - No?
- You're not upset about the yelling. -
Right. And the humiliating.
Well, of course, the humiliating.
So we...
...we're okay?
- We're good. - Right.
- Honey? I love you. - Yes, Ross.
Get away from that phone!
She's just getting dressed now.
Is it wrong that I was totally aroused by
that?
Okay, buddy boy, here it is.
You hide my clothes. I'm wearing everything
you own.
Oh, my God!
That is so not the opposite of taking
somebody's underwear!
Look at me! I'm Chandler.
Could I be wearing any more clothes?
Maybe if I wasn't going commando...
It's hot with all this stuff on.
I better not do any, I don't know, lunges.
Okay, enough. Enough with the lunging.
I'm sick of this. I've had it up to here.
Neither of you can come to the party!
Jeez, what a baby!
第 5 页 共 6 页
-【11】-
Friends.S03E02
Way to ruin it. I was just gonna go get
dressed.
The only person I cared about getting
dressed...
...is the person who's not even gonna go.
Look, Rach, I'm sorry, okay?
Look, I was a jerk, okay? I'm sorry I yelled.
I want you there.
I need you there.
What can I do to show you how much I want
you to be there?
You could drink the fat.
Welcome to an adult conversation.
No, no, no. Now wait a minute. Wait a
minute.
- That actually sounds interesting. - What?
I think you should drink the fat.
Okay, if that's what it takes to show you
how much you mean to me...
...and how much I want you there, that's
what I'll do.
Let me get you another glass. That's been
sitting out.
I think this will be fine.
Okay, vanilla milkshake. Just a vanilla
milkshake...
...with chicken bits floating in it.
Cheers.
No, don't! Okay, okay, I'll go. I'll go.
You will?
You were really gonna do that?
Well, yeah.
You were gonna drink the fat.
Let's see what else he'll do!
How about you get changed? Give him his
underwear.
I'll get a cab. I want everyone downstairs
in two minutes.
Monica!
Stop it.
Stop it!
Ross went to get a cab so we...
What are you doing? No, Monica, no!
Hi, this is Richard.
You have three new messages.
Not anymore.
 Friends.S03E02
Message erased. pre-Cretaceous fossils.
To record your message, begin speaking at Yes, it confirmed everything I'd written.
the tone. Excuse me.
Hi, Richard. It's Monica. Hi.
Listen, I did something kind of crazy Yes?
tonight. You're kind of sitting in my seat.
Maybe I'm getting my period or something. What do you mean, your seat?
I don't know. - I mean, I was sitting there. - But you
Anyway, I beeped into your machine and I got up.
heard this message... But I never left the room.
...that freaked me out... But you left the chair area.
...and Michelle will tell you the rest. All right, that's it. Give me your
I'm sorry, okay? And I hope that we can just underwear.
forget the whole thing.
Your outgoing message has now been changed.
Outgoing?
Did that say outgoing?
Not outgoing!
Hi, Richard, it's Monica.
Listen, I did something kind of crazy
tonight.
Maybe I'm getting my period or something.
I don't know.
- How did you do that? - I don't know!
- Goodbye. - No!
Okay, I've got two cabs and no people! Go,
go, go!
Maybe we can call the phone company to
change the message?
They could change his number.
I think after this, he'll be doing that
himself.
Rachel!
You... You look...
And I still have about five seconds to
spare.
That was about 7 seconds.
So we're a little late.
Come on.
Oh, and by the way...
What?
I'm going commando too.
Dr. Geller?
- Sherman Whitfield, London Institute. -
What a pleasure.
I was quite impressed with your paper on

第 6 页 共 6 页

-【12】-

Friends.S03E03
See, Joe, that's why your parents told you
not to jump on the bed.
# So no one told you life was gonna be this
way #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love
life's D.O.A. #
# It's like you're always stuck in second
gear #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# your week, your month, or even your year
# Yeah, because you want Ursula, and I'm
# but I'll be there for you #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# I'll be there for you #
# Like I've been there before #
# I'll be there for you #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
Hey, look at me. I'm making jam.
I've been at it since 4:00 this morning.
Where'd you get fruit at 4 in the morning?
Went down at the docks.
Bet you didn't know you can get it
wholesale.
I didn't know there were docks.
Hey.
Aw, is it broken?
No, but I gotta wear this thing for a couple
weeks.
Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping
up and down on your bed?
No. I had a whole story worked out, but
then...
...Chandler sold me out.
I'm sorry, Joe.
I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that
it just fell out of his socket.
What is this? Fruit?
Monica's making jam.
Jam? I love jam. Hey, how come we never have
jam at our place?
Because the kids need new shoes.
I'm going into business, people. I'm sick
of being depressed about Richard.
I needed a plan. A plan to get over my man.
第 1 页 共 6 页
-【13】-
Friends.S03E03
What's the opposite of man? Jam.
Joey, don't. It's way too hot.
This will just be my batch.
Um, that's it. No. Hey you. J. Crew guy...
Yeah. Why are you following me?
All week long, everywhere I look, there's
you.
You wouldn't return my calls. You sent back
my letters.
- What? - One more chance, Ursula. Please.
Oh. Well, this is awkward.
Why?
Phoebe. Twin sisters.
Seriously.
Oh. That's great. I'm stalking the wrong
woman.
I am such a dingus!
Oh, you're not a dingus.
I just... I want you to know I didn't used
to be like this.
Before I met your sister, I was, like, this
normal guy...
...who sold beepers and cellular phones.
Well... I mean, look, it's not your fault,
you know?
I mean, this is just what she does to guys,
okay?
Just...
Well, thanks.
Wait. You know what? I got a little story.
When I was in junior high school...
...I went through this period where I
thought I was a witch.
And there was this guidance counselor who
said something to me...
...that I think will help you a lot.
He said, "Okay, you're not a witch. You're
just an average student."
- See what I'm saying? - Not really.
Um, well, get over it.
I mean, you just... You seem like a really
nice guy.
You know, I just... Don't be so hard on
yourself, okay?
Wait, you're right. I know you're right.

And thanks for being so nice.
Here.
Thanks a lot.
Do you wanna get a cup of coffee or...?
- Yeah, okay. - Okay.
You don't have to walk behind me anymore.
Sorry.
- Mon? - Mon?
"Gone for more jars. Back later. Monica
Geller."
Wait a minute. Look.
- Look, look, look. - What, what, what?
- It's an empty apartment. - Mm.
We're all alone in an empty apartment.
Aw, honey, come on. I have to be at work
in, like, 10 minutes and, oh...
All right. Well, it's not like I'm employee
of the year or anything.
There it is.
Oh, that's what you're talking about.
- Hey. - Hey.
Do I look fat?
No.
Okay, I accept that.
When Janice asked me and I said no...
...she took that to mean that I was calling
her a cow.
Okay, walk us through it, honey. Walk us
through it.
Okay, well, Janice said, uh:
"Hi. Do I look fat today?" And I looked at
her...
You looked at her?
You never look.
You just answer. It's like a reflex. "Do
I look fat?" "No."
"Is she prettier than I am?" "No."
- "Does size matter?" - No.
And it works both ways.
Okay, so you both just know this stuff?
You know, after about 30 or 40 fights, you
kind of catch on.
Okay. For instance, ahem:
Let's say Janice is coming back from a trip
and she gives you two options.
Option number one: She'll take a cab home
第 2 页 共 6 页
-【14】-
Friends.S03E03
from the airport.
Or option two: You can meet her at baggage
claim. What do you do?
That's easy. Baggage claim.
Ehh! Wrong. Now you're single.
It's actually secret option number three.
You meet her at the gate. That way she knows
you love her.
Okay, this is good. This is good.
All right, listen, I have one. Janice likes
to cuddle...
...at night, which I'm all for.
But, uh, you know, when you want to go to
sleep, you want some space.
So, uh, you know, how do I tell her that
without...
...you know, accidentally calling her fat
or something?
Oh. Honey, I'm sorry. We can't help you
there, because we're cuddly sleepers.
Okay, I'm late for work.
- Are you guys gonna come down? - Uh, yeah.
I'm right behind you.
- Good luck, Chandler. - Thank you, Rachel.
- Bye, sweetie. - Bye, honey.
Okay, the sleeping thing.
Very tricky business but there is something
you can do.
- I thought you were cuddly sleepers. - No.
No, not cuddly. Not me. Just her.
I'm like you. I need the room. Ahem.
Okay, come here. Ahem.
Okay. You're in bed.
Yeah?
- I'm gonna use the cushion. - Yeah.
Okay. You're in bed. She's over on your side
cuddling.
Now, you wait for her to drift off...
...and then you hug her...
...and roll her over to her side of the bed.
And then you...
...roll away.
Hug for her.
Roll for you.
- Okay, the old "hug and roll." - Yep.
- Okay. One question. - Shoot.

You're pretending the pillow's a girl,
right?
Remember when you were a kid...
...and your mom would drop you off at the
movies...
...with a jar ofjam and a little spoon?
You're so pretty.
- Hi. - Hey, Phoebe.
Hey, oh! You know that guy who's been
following me? I talked to him today.
You talked to him? Are you crazy?
Okay, first, I'm not crazy. And second, say
it. Don't spray it.
Anyway, his name is Malcolm, and he wasn't
following me.
I mean, he was, but just because he thought
I was Ursula. Ick.
And that's why... That's why he couldn't
just come up and talk to me.
Because of the restraining order.
Hmm. Not feeling better about Malcolm.
Oh! No, no, no, he's not like a kook.
No, he's just this, like, very passionate,
incredibly romantic guy...
...that just got a teensy bit carried away,
you know?
And we just get along really well, and he's
so cute.
Oh, my God. You've got a crush on your
sister's stalker.
No, I'm just gonna help him, you know, get
"de-Ursula-ized."
Like, you know... Like I did for Joey after
he went out with her.
Yeah, but I didn't stalk her. I mean...
I asked for the news, not the weather.
- Hey, guys. - Hey, Mon.
Joey, this is for you. It's blackberry
currant.
Yeah.
Hey, Joe, I gotta ask.
The girl from the Xerox place, buck
naked...
...or a big tub of jam?
Put your hands together.
Joey, take your time with that. That's my
第 3 页 共 6 页
-【15】-
Friends.S03E03
last batch.
No more jam?
What happened to your jam plan?
Well, I figured out I'd need to charge 17
bucks a jar just to break even.
So I've got a new plan now. Babies.
Well, you're gonna need much bigger jars.
- What are you talking about? - About me
having a baby.
- Are you serious? - Yeah.
The great thing about the jam plan was I
was take control of my life.
So I asked myself, "What is the most
important thing to me?"
And that's when I came up with the baby
plan.
Well, aren't you forgetting something?
What is, uh...? What is that guy's name?
Dad.
It took me 28 years to find one man that
I wanted to spend my life with.
If I have to wait another 28 years, then
I'll be 56 before I can have a baby.
And that's just stupid.
That's what's stupid?
I don't need an actual man. Just a couple
of his best swimmers.
You know? And there are places that you can
go to get that stuff.
Down at the docks again?
Night-night, Bing-a-ling.
Night-night...
...Janice.
Look at all that room on her side.
You could fit a giant penguin over there.
That'd be weird, though.
Hug and roll time.
I'm hugging. I'm hugging.
You're rolling, and...
Yes! Freedom!
Except for this arm.
I'm stuck. Stuck arm.
Okay, time for the old tablecloth trick.
One fluid motion.
Quick like a cat. Quick like a cat.
And one, two...

...three.
Here's my binoculars.
Oh, great. Great. You're doing great.
You know, real strong. Going strong. Keep
going.
These are my night-vision goggles.
This is the book I pretend to read when I'm
watching her in the park.
And these are Madlibs. They're just for
fun.
Oh, yeah. Ha, ha. What's this?
Oh. This is the log I kept, recording her
every movement.
- You want to hear something from it? - Um,
not even a little bit.
- It's about you. - Oh, okay, then.
"I met Phoebe today.
She was really nice to me even though I'm
such a loser."
"And then when I was walking home, I thought
about her a lot.
It was weird but kind of cool."
Good. Ha, ha.
So, what were you thinking?
I was thinking what it'd be like to kiss
you.
- Really? - No.
See, that's just something I said now so
that maybe I could kiss you.
Oh, okay.
No, it's all right. I just had a jar of
mustard.
Okay. Sperm donor number 03815, come on
down!
Okay, he's 6'2", 170 pounds.
And he describes himself as a male Geena
Davis.
You mean there's more than one of us?
You can't do this, Mon, all right? If you
do this, I'm gonna...
- You're gonna what? - I'm gonna tell Mom.
Honey, I'm sorry, but he's right. I love
you, but you're crazy.
- Crazy. - What? Why? Why is this crazy?
- So this isn't the ideal way to do
something... - Oh, it's not...
第 4 页 共 6 页
-【16】-
Friends.S03E03
Lips moving. Still talking.
It may not be ideal...
...but I'm so ready.
You know, I see the way Ben looks at you.
It makes me ache, you know?
Check it out. Jam crackers.
Okay. All right, how's this?
Twenty-seven. Italian-American guy.
He's an actor.
Born in Queens.
Wow. Big family. Seven sisters...
...and he's the only boy.
Oh, my God. Under personal comments: "New
York Knicks rule."
Yeah, the Knicks rule.
Joey, this is you.
Let me see.
Oh, right.
When did you go to a sperm bank?
Right after I did that sex study at NYU.
Hey, remember that sweater I gave you for
your birthday?
And that's how you bought it?
No. That's what I was wearing when I
donated.
I'm kind of surprised there's any of my boys
left.
Well, honey, it is pretty competitive.
I mean, I've got an actual rocket scientist
here.
Hey, maybe I should call this place...
...and get them to put my Days ofour Lives
gig on here.
You know? Juice this puppy up a little.
- Hey! - Hello.
How's the maniac?
Oh, he's yummy. We did a little kissing.
Aah!
Phoebe, what are you doing?
Oh, no, no, no. You know what?
He's not into that anymore. He quit for me.
Mm-hm.
Pheebs, this guy has been obsessed with
your sister...
...for God knows how long, okay?
You don't just give up something like that.

Look, he gave me his night-vision goggles
and everything.
You're taking the word of a guy who has
night-vision goggles?
What? He's not still following her. You
think he's still following her?
Pheebs, wake up and smell the restraining
order.
What should I do?
I think that if you really like this guy,
you should just trust him.
Thank you, Monica.
Or you could follow him and see where he
goes.
Oh, that's what I would do. Forget mine.
Oh, my God. What happened?
Oh, God. Crazy Chandler, he spun me...
...off the bed.
Wow. Spinning. That sounds like fun.
I wish.
No, you know, he was just trying Ross' "hug
and roll" thing.
Ross' what?
You know, like, where he hugs you and then
he kind of rolls you away, and...
Oh, my God.
- Phoebe? - Yes? Yes! Oh.
What are you doing?
Oh, I was just here looking for my, um...
My part of an old sandwich. Here it is! Oh!
Were you following me?
Um, perhaps.
Yes. Yes. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I was just afraid that you were
still hung up on my sister.
So you spied on me.
I can't believe you don't trust me.
Oh, well, what do you know? There goes my
identical twin sister.
Just walking along, looking like me.
What is this, just a freakish coincidence,
or did you know that she takes this train?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I tried to stop, but I couldn't.
I'm so pathetic.
No, no, it's not your fault. You know, it's
第 5 页 共 6 页
-【17】-
Friends.S03E03
partly my fault.
It's because I made you quit cold turkey.
It's too hard, you know?
Okay, well, I mean, I can't date you anymore,
because you're, you know:
But, um... But I will definitely,
definitely help you get over my sister.
Okay?
Just stalk me for a while, huh?
Yeah, and I'll be like an Ursula patch.
Uh-huh. I don't know.
Yeah, just... Okay, look, I'm going.
Um, come on.
Ooh, ooh, behind the pillar. Ooh, which way
am I gonna go? Aah!
- Hey. - Hey.
- Where you going? - To the bank.
Huh. Sperm or regular?
Sperm.
So you're really doing it, huh?
Oh, yeah. I picked a guy, 37135.
He sounds nice.
I'd say so. He's got brown hair and green
eyes.
No kidding? Hmm.
- What? - I figured you'd have picked a
blond guy.
Really? Why?
I don't know. I always pictured you ending
up...
...with one of those tall, smart, blond
guys, name like...
...Hoyt.
- Hoyt? - It's a name. Yeah.
I saw you in this... You know, this great
house with a big pool.
Yeah? Is he a swimmer?
He's got the body for it. Ha, ha.
I like that.
- Ha, ha. What? - You guys have one of those
signs that says:
"We don't swim in your toilet, so don't pee
in our pool."
We do not have one of those signs.
Sure you do. It was a gift from me.
Oh! And you have three great kids.
 Friends.S03E03
- Two girls and a boy? - Yeah!
And they wear those little water wings, you
know...
...and they're running around on the deck.
And then Hoyt wraps this big towel around
all three of them.
Sure.
Uh, but, hey, you know, this way sounds good
too.
Yeah.
Oh, Monica.
Wow, this guy's an astronaut?
That would have been cool...
...for, like, a day. Ah-ah!
I called the sperm bank today.
They haven't sold a single unit of
Tribbiani.
Nobody wants my product.
I mean, I don't get it, you know?
I mean...
...maybe if they met me in person.
Uh, honey, you got a little thing on your...
- Oh. - Yeah.
Get it?
Yeah.
Hello.
Hello.
Hey.
Chan, can I, uh...? Could I talk to you for
a second?
Sure. What's up?
Just one, uh... One additional
relationship thought.
Um, something you're probably, uh, already
familiar with.
Uh, women talk.

第 6 页 共 6 页

-【18】-

Friends.S03E04
Welcome, everybody. Welcome to Amazing
Discoveries.
Oh, oh! It's on again.
Guys, could we please not watch this?
Folks, this ever happen to you? You go to
get a nice glass of milk...
...but these darn cartons are so flinging,
flanging hard to open.
Boy, you said it, Mike.
- There's gotta be a better way. - And there
is, Kevin.
- Can we please turn this off? - No way,
Kevin.
What if I told you there's a new product
that guarantees...
...you'll never have to open up milk
cartons again?
Meet the Milkmaster 2000.
- Intrigued? - You're flinging, flanging
right I am.
This is his first time. He's never used
this.
You're gonna see how easy this is to do.
- This works in any milk carton. - Wow, it
is easy. Ha, ha.
Now I can have milk every day.
# So no one told you life was gonna be this
way #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love
life's D.O.A. #
# It's like you're always stuck in second
gear #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# your week, your month, or even your year
# - What are you doing? What are you doing?
# but I'll be there for you #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# I'll be there for you #
# Like I've been there before #
# I'll be there for you #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
It's official. There are no good movies.
So let's go to a bad one and make out.
Perhaps you would like me to turn like this
第 1 页 共 6 页
-【19】-
Friends.S03E04
so you can bunny-bump against my back?
- Hey. - Hey.
- Hey, man. What's up? - Maybe you can tell
me.
My agent would like to know why I didn't
show up at my audition today...
...the first good thing she gets me in weeks.
How could you not give me the message?
I'll tell you, I do enjoy guilt...
...but it wasn't me.
Yes, it was. It was him. Uh-huh.
Okay, it was me.
- How was it you? - Well, it was all so crazy,
you know?
Chandler was in the closet counting to 10
and was up to seven...
...and I hadn't found a place to hide yet.
Look, I meant to tell you, and I wrote it
all down on my hand. See? All of it.
- Yep, that's my audition. - Yeah.
See? Now, this is why I keep notepads
everywhere.
Yep. And that's why we don't invite you to
play.
What is the great tragedy here? Get
yourself another appointment.
Well, Estelle tried. The casting director
told her I missed my chance.
Well, that is unfair.
I'll call her. I'll tell her it was totally
my fault.
You can't. The casting director doesn't
talk to friends.
- She only talks to agents. - What a sad
little life she must lead.
Okay. Ooh.
- No, I know, I know. Ooh.
Hi, this is Caitlin from Phoebe Buffay's
office.
Um, is, um, Anne there for Phoebe?
She'll know what it's about.
Hang up. Hang up right...
Annie? Hi. Listen, we've got a problem with
Joey Tribbiani.
Apparently, he missed his audition. Who did

you speak to in my office?
Estelle? I don't know what I'm gonna do with
her.
So your husband leaves and burns down the
apartment. The world does not stop.
Is anybody else scared?
If Joey loses this audition, then that is
it for Estelle. I don't care.
Annie, you are a doll. What time can you
see him?
I need a pen. Pen.
Get the woman a pad. Get the woman a pad.
A pad! A pad!
Oh, now you want a pad.
- Hey. - Hello.
Where's my boy?
Here's my boy.
And here's his Barbie.
What's, uh...? What's my boy doing with a
Barbie?
He picked it out at the toy store himself.
He loves it.
He carries it everywhere, like a security
blanket.
But with ski boots and a kicky beret.
Yeah, it's cute.
Why does he have it again?
So he's got a doll. So what?
Unless you're afraid he's gonna grow up to
be...
...in show business.
This wouldn't have to do with the fact that
he's being raised by two women?
You know what? It's fine. If you're okay
with the Barbie thing, so am I.
Give Daddy the Barbie. Give me the Barbie.
Okay, how about...?
Don't you wanna play with a monster truck?
No? Okay.
Ooh, ooh. How about a Dino-Soldier?
You are so pathetic.
Why can't your son just play with his doll?
I gotta go to work.
Has anybody seen my left boob?
I loved that movie.
Here it is. Joey, what are you doing?
第 2 页 共 6 页
-【20】-
Friends.S03E04
I'm sorry. It just felt nice.
Joe. Joe. Answer the phone.
I only got one arm. You should do stuff for
me. Get me a sweater.
Just do it. It's Janice.
And if I get it, I'm gonna have to see her
tonight.
Oh, that's great. I'm gonna have to see her
tonight.
Why don't you wanna see Janice?
Last night at dinner, when the meals
came...
...she put half her chicken piccata on my
plate and took all my tomatoes.
And that's bad...
...because you hate chicken piccata?
No.
You didn't wanna share your tomatoes.
Tomatoes are very important to you.
All of a sudden, we were this couple.
And this alarm started going off in my head.
"Run for your life! Get out of the
building!"
Ugh. Men are unbelievable. Janice thought
she was giving you chicken.
What is it with you people?
The minute you feel something, you have to
run away?
I know. That...
That's why I don't wanna go tonight. I'm
afraid I'm gonna say something stupid.
Oh. You mean that guy thing where you act
mean and distant...
...until you get us to break up with you?
Hey, you know about that?
What do I do? I wanna get past this.
I don't wanna be afraid of the commitment
thing.
I wanna go through the tunnel to the other
side.
Where there's no fear of commitment.
Do we have any...?
Do we have any thoughts here?
I've never been through the tunnel myself
because...
...you're not allowed through with more

than one girl in the car.
But it seems to me it's pretty much like
anything else. Face your fear.
You have a fear of heights? Go to the top
of the building.
You're afraid of bugs.
Get a bug.
Right?
You have a fear of commitment.
So I say you go in there and you be the most
committed guy there ever was.
Amazingly, that makes sense.
- Do you think? - Oh, yeah. Go for it, man.
Jump off the high dive.
Stare down the barrel of the gun. Pee into
the wind.
Joe, if I'm staring down the barrel of a
gun...
...I'm gonna be pretty much peeing every
which way.
Ooh, it's your audition from this morning.
Can I use the phone?
Sure, that's what it's there for.
Emergencies and, uh, pretend agents.
Come on, baby. Come on.
Hi. I have Phoebe Buffay returning a page.
Okay, well, she's in her car. I'll have to
patch you through.
Very nice touch.
Okay, go ahead.
Talk, talk, talk.
Hi, Annie?
Fantastic.
- You got it. - Oh! You got it.
Um, will he work for scale, you ask me?
Well, I don't know about that.
Except that l do and he will.
Great. Oh, you are such a sweetheart.
I would love to have lunch with you.
How about we have lunch next...?
Oop, went through a tunnel. Ha, ha.
Unbelievable.
Oh, thank you so much.
It was really fun. I mean, I've never talked
on a car phone before.
Oh. You are so amazing. Could you do me this
第 3 页 共 6 页
-【21】-
Friends.S03E04
huge favor?
There's this one other audition I want, and
Estelle couldn't get me in.
Uh, I don't know. It was fun one time,
but...
Come on, please? It would just be this one
more.
Well, actually it's two.
- Two? - Yeah.
Well, really it's three.
Please? You're so good at it. I love you.
Okay. But just these three, right?
No, it's four.
So how come you wanted to eat in tonight?
Because I wanted...
...to give you this.
Oh. Are you a puppy!
Contact paper.
You never know what to say when someone
you're sleeping with...
...gives you contact paper. Ha, ha.
Wait, there's more. See, the contact paper
is to go...
...in your brand-new drawer.
See, the drawer actually goes in my
dresser.
Oh. You didn't have to do this.
Yes, I did.
Yes, I did. Because you're my girlfriend...
...and that's what girlfriends should get.
Oh. Well, I gotta buy a vowel...
...because, oh, my God. Mwah.
Who would've thought that someday...
...Chandler Bing would buy me a drawer?
Well, not me.
But that's what's happened. And, uh,
there's more.
We should take a trip.
We should?
Yup. We're a couple, and that's what
couples do.
And I wanna meet your parents.
We should take a trip with your parents.
I don't think we need to, because you're
tripping me out right now.
- Are you okay? - No, I am.

Ha, ha. I actually am. This is amazing.
My entire life, I have feared this place.
And now that I'm here, it's like, what was
the big deal?
I could probably say, "Let's move in
together," and I'd be okay.
You probably want us to move in together?
- It doesn't scare me. - Yeah, well it
scares me.
I'm not even divorced yet. You just invited
me over here for pasta...
...and all of a sudden you're talking about
moving in together.
And I wasn't even that hungry.
You know what? It's getting really late,
and I should just, um...
Don't go. I've scared you. I've said too
much.
I'm hopeless and awkward and desperate for
love.
Hey, Janice, it's me.
I wanted to apologize in advance for having
chased you down the street.
Bye-bye.
Here you go, honey. This will help.
So I catch up to her and she says...
...this relationship's going too fast and
we have to slow down.
gh. That is never good.
Then I got all...
...needy and clingy.
Now, wait a minute. Maybe it's not so bad.
How did you leave it?
She said she'd call me.
Oh, God.
Ugh. Welcome to our side of the tunnel.
This ice cream tastes like crap, by the way.
Yeah, well, it's that low-cal, nondairy,
soy-milk junk.
We save the real stuff for the truly
terminal cases.
When you start getting screwed over all the
time, you gotta switch to low-fat.
Yeah, you do.
So you don't think I'm terminal?
Oh, no, not at all. You're not terminal.
第 4 页 共 6 页
-【22】-
Friends.S03E04
We just need some damage control.
Okay. Okay. So should I call her?
No.
It's a critical time. If you feel yourself
reaching for that phone...
...you go shopping, you get your butt in
a bubble bath.
If you want her back, you have got to start
acting aloof.
She has to know you're not needy.
So, what you have to do is...
...you have to accidentally run into her
on purpose...
...and then act aloof.
So I'm not gonna lose her?
Oh, honey, you're not a total loser.
I said, so I'm not gonna lose her?
Guess who's here.
It's the toughest guy in Toyland, Ben.
Real American hero I'm G.I. Joe
Drop the Barbie. Drop the Barbie.
G.I. Joe? You really think he's gonna fall
for that?
G.I. Joe? Cool. Can I play?
Look, Ben. It's a toy that protects U.S.
Oil interests overseas.
Go, Joe!
Hello. Oh.
- Phoebe, there you are. - No, it's not.
Sorry.
But, Phoebe, wait, wait. Phoebe. Phoebe.
Oh, Joey. Oh, okay. See, I didn't recognize
you...
...in those pants.
That TV movie I went in for, did you hear
anything?
I think I got a shot at it.
Yes, they called. You didn't get it.
Okay? I mean, you didn't get it. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
That's okay. These things happen.
But they shouldn't happen. You know what?
You're in a terrible, terrible business.
I don't wanna be the person who makes your
face look like that. Ugh.
I'm okay. See?

Now you're sad and creepy.
You know what? I'm sorry. I quit, okay?
No, no, no, you can't quit. You're the best
agent I ever had.
Look, rejection is part of being an actor.
You can't take it personal.
Not personal? They said they'd never met
an Italian actor
with a worse Italian accent.
They actually said that?
Yeah. Oh, God, there's that face again. See?
I can't do this job.
No, this is why you have to do this job.
Agents always lie.
Estelle just says stuff like, "They went
another way."
But this? I can use this.
I can work on a new accent.
Yeah, okay. No. If it helps you, okay. Yeah.
You'll never get me, Joe!
No, thank you.
Chandler.
Hello, Janice.
What are you doing here?
Uh, just a bit of shopping.
How have you been?
Are you being British?
No.
Not anymore.
Why are you shopping here? You don't live
in this neighborhood.
Were you here waiting for me?
I'm just, uh, you know...
...picking up some things for a party.
Barley?
What kind of a party serves barley?
Well, I'm sorry if my friends aren't as
sophisticated as yours.
- Where is this party? - Here in Chelsea.
Whose party is it?
- A woman's. - What woman?
Chelsea.
Either you're seeing somebody behind my
back...
...which would make you the biggest jerk
on the planet...
第 5 页 共 6 页
-【23】-
Friends.S03E04
...or you're pretending you're seeing
somebody...
...which just makes you so pathetic I could
just start crying right here.
So which of these two guys do you wanna be?
Can I be that guy?
Okay, we got some more good rejections.
Lots of stuff to work on.
Oh. Okay. Shoot.
Okay. Um... Oh, the zoo commercial.
- I didn't get it? - No.
They said that you "weren't believable as
a human being."
So you can work on that.
Great. What else?
Um, the off-Broadway-play people said that
you were "pretty but dumb."
No, wait, I'm sorry. That's "pretty dumb."
Oh. Look, it's okay, no, no, no. Really.
Look, um...
...I really appreciate this, Pheebs...
...but I'm gonna have to go back to Estelle.
Don't get me wrong. You're a better agent
than she is...
...but at least with her, I don't wanna blow
my pretty dumb brains out.
Yeah, no, I understand.
- You do? Thanks. Okay. - Yeah.
Sorry.
- Wait a minute. - What?
Wait a minute.
Did you just make all that stuff up to get
out of being my agent?
Oh, he caught me.
I am so busted.
That's what I suspected.
And then I just, you know...
...threw the bag of barley at her and ran
out of the store.
My God, Chandler, we said be aloof, not a
doof.
I've actually ruined this, haven't I?
It's time for the good ice cream now, right?
- Yeah, it is. - Okay.
You know what? Everything's gonna be okay.
Hello?
 Friends.S03E04
Hi, Janice. You made us call you "Bea"?
Can you hold on for a second? Oh, God.
Okay. Okay. I've literally never been this happy.
What do I do? Wasn't there a little song?
I don't know. This is unprecedented. Oh, please, God, let there be a song.
If we ever did what you did, a man would There was no song. There was no song.
never call. I am Bea
Hello? - I drink tea... - That's enough.
I got it. Pretend you just woke up. That'll Won't you?
throw her off. Won't you?
- Be sleepy. - Yes. And grumpy. Won't you?
What are you...? Stop naming dwarves. Won't you dance around with me?
Hello, Janice. Hi. I am Bea
I'm so glad that you called. I drink tea
I know I've been acting really weird Won't you dance around with...?
lately... Ross!
...and it's just because I'm crazy about
you...
...and I just got stupid and scared...
...and stupid a couple more times.
And I'm sorry.
Really?
Ha, ha. Really?
He's so lucky. If Janice were a guy...
...she'd be sleeping with somebody else by
now.
I love you too.
Ugh. It's so unfair.
G.I. Joe? G.I. Joe?
Hey, I don't know what to tell you guys.
That's the doll he chose.
What'd you do, dip it in sugar?
Look, G.I. Joe's in, Barbie's out.
And if you guys can't deal with it, that's
just your too bad.
What are you being such a weenie for? So
he has a Barbie. Big deal.
You used to dress up like a woman.
What?
The way you used to dress up in Mom's
clothes?
What are you talking about?
The big hat, the pearls, the little pink
handbag?
Okay. You are totally making this up.
How can you not remember?

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-【24】-
 Friends.S03E05
don't talk to my sister...
Friends.S03E05 ...Grandma's been sleeping a lot lately.
- Hey. - Hey. It's just the "last desperate chance to
Hey. have a family" kind of thing.
So, what happened? Did a forest tick you You're so sweet to wait with me.
off? Well, actually, Gunther sent me. You're not
No. allowed to have cups out here.
You know how we're always saying we need Does anyone else think David Copperfield's
a place for the mail. cute?
Yeah. No, but he told me he thinks you're a fox.
Well, I started building one. All right. Janice likes him.
But then I decided to take it to the next In fact, she likes him so much, she put him
step. on her, uh, freebie list.
You're building a post office? Her what?
No, an entertainment unit, with a mail We have a deal where we each pick five
cubby built right in. different celebrities we could sleep
- It's a one-day job, max. - Okay. with...
My word, those are snug. ...and the other one can't get mad.
Oh, yeah. These are my old work pants. Ah, the heart of every healthy
Sergio Valente. relationship:
Power saw kind of got away from me there. Honesty, respect, and sex with
# So no one told you life was gonna be this celebrities.
way # So, Chandler, who's on your list?
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love Uh, Kim Basinger...
life's D.O.A. # ...Cindy Crawford, Halle Berry...
# It's like you're always stuck in second ...Yasmine Bleeth...
gear # ...and Jessica Rabbit.
# When it hasn't been your day, # Ahem. Now, you do realize that she is a
# your week, your month, or even your year cartoon and way out of your league?
# I know. I just always wondered if I could
# but I'll be there for you # get her eyes to pop out of her head.
# When the rain starts to pour # Hey, Monica, who would yours be?
# I'll be there for you # First I need a boyfriend. Then I can have
# Like I've been there before # a list.
# I'll be there for you # It's just a game, Mon.
# 'Cause you're there for me too # Rach, how about you?
- Hey, Pheebs. - Hey. Oh, I don't know. I guess Chris O'Donnell,
- Any sign of your brother? - No, but he's John F. Kennedy Jr...
always late, so... ...Daniel Day-Lewis, Sting and Parker
- I thought you only met him once. - Yeah, Stevenson.
I did. Spider-Man?
I think it sounds, you know, big sister-y, Hardy Boy.
"Frank's always late." So... - Peter Parker. - Thank you.
Oh. Well, relax. He'll be here. What about you, honey? Who'd be on your
Yeah, no, I know. I'm just nervous. list?
You know, it's just, you know, Mom's dead, I... Oh, that kind of thing requires some

第 1 页 共 6 页

-【25】-

serious thought.
First, I'll divide my prospective
candidates into categories.
Ahem. What a geek.
Everybody, this is Frank. This is my half
brother, Frank.
- This is everybody. - Hey.
- This is Ross. - Hi, how are you?
- Chandler. - Hi.
- Hi. - Joey.
- Hey. - Hi, hi, hi.
This is Monica.
- And this is Rachel. - Hi.
I'm gonna get coffee for us.
Hey, how do you guys get anything done? Ha,
ha.
We don't, really.
Well, so do you guys have big plans?
Oh, yeah. We're gonna, like, connect and,
you know, bond and everything.
I was thinking we could go down to Times
Square and pick up some ninja stars.
Oh, um, my friend Larry, he wants me to take
a picture of a hooker.
You know, we really don't take advantage
of living in the city.
Oh, sorry. Did I get you?
No, you didn't get me.
It's an electric drill. You get me, you kill
me!
Calm down. Do you want this unit or not?
I do not want this unit.
Well, you should've told me before. I'm not
a mind reader.
And we're out of beer. Okay, I'm going to
Monica's.
Fine.
Hey. Where you heading in those pants?
1982?
Oh, Monica, listen...
...I saw down at the hardware store they
got those designer tiles on sale...
...if you wanna redo your bathroom floor.
What's wrong with my bathroom floor?
Nothing. It's just old and dingy, that's
all.
第 2 页 共 6 页
-【26】-
Friends.S03E05
- I highly doubt that. - Oh, yeah?
If you move your hamper, you can see the
color the tile used to be.
Yeah.
I can't live like this. What are we gonna
do?
Relax, relax. Here, hold this.
This old stuff comes right up. I'll show
you.
A little more than I wanted to see.
Look at that. Every inch of this is glued
down.
It'd take forever to pry this up. You should,
uh... You should just leave it.
I can't leave it. You gouged a hole in my
dingy floor.
Ah? There you go.
Yeah, that's nice.
You know, we can put it back there after
the surgeons remove it from your colon.
- What? - Yeah.
I know what I wanted to ask you. Can you
roll your tongue?
Because I can and my mom couldn't.
And I thought, you know... I figured that
was something I got from our dad.
- Well, wait, you mean like this? - Yeah.
Yeah, you can do it too. Yeah.
You're not doing it.
Oh, right, okay. Yeah, my mom could and I
can't.
So we don't have that.
- When's your birthday? - February 16th.
I know a guy who's the 18th.
That's close.
- When's yours? - October 25th.
That's the same month as Halloween.
Yeah.
So, what kind of things do you like to do
at home?
Melt stuff.
- Okay, I've got three of my five. - Three
of your five what?
Celebrities I'm allowed to sleep with.
God, you are giving this a lot of thought.
Hey, it's hard, okay? I only have two spots

left.
All right. Who you got it narrowed down to?
Okay. Ahem. Elizabeth Hurley.
- Ooh, very attractive. - Yeah.
Forgiving.
Susan Sarandon.
Eh, you know what? She's too political.
She probably wouldn't let you do it unless
you donated four cans of food first.
And Isabella Rossellini.
Ooh. Very hot. Very sexy.
But, uh, you know, she's too international.
She's never gonna be around.
- So? - So you gotta play the odds.
Pick somebody who's gonna be in the country,
like, all the time.
Yeah. Because that's why you won't get
Isabella Rossellini. Geography.
Okay, so by "melting," you meant melting.
Yeah.
- So is it, like, art? - Yeah, you can melt
art.
Hey, can I use your phone?
- Yeah, sure. You wanna call your mom? -
No, I wanna melt it.
Oh. Well, um, not right now.
You know what? I'm just gonna go to bed.
The fumes are giving me a headache. So...
Yeah. Yeah. Ha, ha.
Good night, bro.
Good night.
Here.
Just in case.
Oh, excellent.
- What kind of karate is that? - No kind.
He just makes it up.
- So how's it going with you guys? - So far
it kind of blows.
I don't know, I just thought, you know, that
he'd feel more like a brother.
Like you and Ross. Just close and connected
and...
Oh. We're close now, but you wouldn't
believe the years...
...of noogies and wedgies and flying
wedgies and atomic wedgies and...
第 3 页 共 6 页
-【27】-
Friends.S03E05
That's when the waistband actually goes
over your head.
We drove each other crazy playing the
shadow game.
- How do you play the shadow game? - How
do you play the shadow game?
- I just asked you. - I just asked you.
I don't have time for this.
- No, that is what the game is. - Well, you
just gave up really quickly.
- Have you seen Joey? - What's the matter?
Oh, just this.
It's my fault, really, because the couch
is where we usually keep the varnish.
Hey, somebody wanna hand me one of those
tiles?
- What's going on? - He's retiling my floor.
Yo, spackle boy.
- Get up. - Ah-ah. You started this, you
will finish it.
He started mine first.
Build the unit, Cinderellie. Lay the tile,
Cinderellie.
Big octopus.
Yeah.
Hello?
Oh, my God. I totally forgot.
Well, can't someone else do it?
But I have company.
Yeah, no, look, that's all right. I'll come
in. Okay.
Um, I'm really sorry, but I have to go into
work.
It's one of my regulars. He's insisting
that I do him, so...
Hey, what kind of work do you do?
I'm a masseuse. I give people massages and
stuff.
You work at one of those massage parlors?
Well, you know, we don't call it that. But,
yeah.
Whoa, that's wild.
No, I had no idea. Ha-ha-ha.
Alrighty. Heh.
I'll be back in a little bit. Unless you
wanna come with me.

You mean, like, watch?
No. No, you can get one yourself. It'll be
on the house.
You know, what are big sisters for? Ha, ha.
Well, I don't think this. You know?
No, no, no. I wouldn't do you myself.
I mean, that would be weird.
Yeah. I'll get one of the other girls to
do it.
Ooh, this is so much fun. Yay! Ha, ha.
- Are you excited? - Yeah.
Hey, do Monica and Rachel work there?
It's beautiful.
It's like the first bathroom floor there
ever was.
What are you going in there for?
You want, like, a number?
- Hey. - Hi. Bye.
Okay. I'm done with my choices.
These are final.
- Well, it's about time. - Yeah. Very
official.
Oh, yeah. Well, you know, Chandler printed
it up on his computer.
And who laminated it?
That was me.
All right, let me see. Ahem.
"Uma Thurman, Winona Ryder, Elizabeth
Hurley...
...Michelle Pfeiffer...
...Dorothy Hamill"?
Hey, it's my list.
Okay, honey, you do realize she only spins
like that on ice?
- Oh. What? Whoa. - Ow, you know? Ow.
- Hey, hey, what's going on? - She broke
my arm.
- He touched my fanny. - No, she touched
mine first.
That's my job.
So wait, what's the deal?
I can have sex with you but I can't touch
you?
- You can't have sex with her. - Did you
think I was a hooker?
No, okay. I know. You're a masseuse. It's
第 4 页 共 6 页
-【28】-
Friends.S03E05
cool. I'm not a cop.
Okay.
Can you ask Mr. Wiffler if he can wait for,
like, five minutes?
Fine.
I don't like you.
So that's what you thought I did? God.
That's not what I do.
Wait, that... Wait, that's not what you do?
No.
Why would you think that?
I don't know. I mean, you know... This is
the city, you know? I just...
I mean, uh...
...I don't know.
Whatever. It's the perfect end to the
perfect weekend anyway.
Oh, wait.
No, you're right. No, it was perfect.
I can't believe that I screwed it up so bad.
You really thought it was perfect?
Well, no, maybe it wasn't perfect...
...but, you know, it was pretty cool, you
know?
Because we had all those great talks, you
know?
Yeah. Um...
Which ones in particular were great for
you?
Well, you know, about the tongue thing, you
know?
And how I told you about my likes and my
dislikes.
I don't...
How I like to melt stuff and how I dislike
stuff that doesn't melt.
Right. Okay. Mm-hm.
You know, I feel like I can really talk to
you...
...because, you know, you're my sister, you
know?
Yeah. I guess I do. Yeah.
And then I go feel your friend up and make
you mad at me.
Yeah, well, I wasn't hopping mad, you know?
You hopped a little bit.

Yeah, I'm really sorry. You know, I'm
really...
Okay.
Well, this is my favorite part of the
weekend. Right now. This.
This?
Oh, come on. We went to Times Square.
We found ninja stars. I almost get my arm
broken by a hooker...
She's not a hooker.
Well, when I tell my friends about her, she
will be.
Okay. On three.
One, two...
Why don't we just go on two?
- Why two? - Because it's faster.
Yeah, I could've counted to three four
times without all this two talk.
- All right, but in the future... - Okay.
Heavy thing not getting lighter.
Okay.
One, two...
- So we are going with two? - All right.
Oh, good job, Joe.
It's big.
Yeah. Yeah, so big that it actually makes
our doors look smaller.
Maybe my ruler's wrong.
Maybe all the rulers are wrong.
Look, it's not that bad.
So what? It blocks a little of your door,
a little of my door.
I got a better idea.
How about it blocks none of my door and a
lot of your door?
Listen, before I forget, that side is still
wet.
Okay, ahem, let me just see if I've got this
right.
So this is a half-caf, double-tall,
easy-hazelnut...
...nonfat, no foam, with whip, extra-hot
latte, right?
Okay, great.
Ahem. You freak.
- Thank you. Ahem. - A coffee to go, please.
Friends.S03E05
Oh, my God. Guys.
Isabella Rossellini.
Are you serious? Oh, my God.
Damn. I cannot believe I took her off my
list.
Why? Because otherwise you'd go for it?
Yeah, maybe.
Oh, heh. You lie.
You don't think I'd go up to her?
Ross, it took you 10 years to finally admit
you liked me.
Yeah? Well, missy, you better be glad that
list is laminated. Heh.
You know what, honey? You go ahead. We'll
call her an alternate.
- Okay. Hold my cruller. - Okay.
Rach, are you really gonna let him do this?
Honey, he's about to go hit on Isabella
Rossellini.
I'm just sorry we don't got popcorn.
Hi. Hi.
I'm Ross.
Um, you don't know me, but I'm a big, big
fan of yours.
I mean, um, Blue Velvet. Whoo.
I was wondering if I could maybe buy you
a, um, cup of coffee.
Or reimburse you for that one.
Aren't you with that girl over there?
Well, yeah, kind of.
But that's okay. See, we have an
understanding.
See, we each have this list of five famous
people...
...and you were one of mine.
So I'm allowed to sleep with you.
No, no, no. It's flattering.
- I don't know... - No, no, no. Wait. Wait,
Isabella.
Don't just dismiss this so fast.
I mean, this is a once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity.
Yeah, for you.
Is that the list?
- Um, yes. - Can I see it?
- Um, no. - Come on.

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-【29】-
 Friends.S03E05
But... Okay.
I'm not on the list.
Um, see, but that's not the final draft.
It's laminated.
Yeah.
Um, okay, see, you were on my list.
But then my friend Chandler...
...brought up the very good point that you
are international.
So I bumped you for Winona Ryder. Local.
You know, it's ironic, because I have a
list...
...of five goofy coffeehouse guys...
...and yesterday, I just bumped you for
that guy over there.
That?
We're just gonna be friends.
You know what?
Betcha I could fit in there.
I got 5 bucks says you can't.
Get out your checkbook, mister.
Oh, I think I have the cash.
You are dog, man.
I totally fit.
Yeah. You got me.
I'm out five big ones.
There you go.
Thank you.
Oh, well, hello, Mr. Lincoln.
Better luck next time, buddy.
And the drinks are on me.

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-【30】-

Friends.S03E06
Janice has a question. Who of the six of
you...
...has slept with who of the six of you?
Wow, it's like a dirty math problem.
I'm sorry, the answer there would be none
of us.
Over the years, none of you ever got drunk
and stupid?
Well, that's really a different question.
I can't believe a group of people who spends
this much time together...
...has never bumped uglies.
There was that one time Monica and Rachel
got together.
What?
Excuse me, there was no time.
Okay, but let's say there was.
How might that go?
Okay, okay.
Well, then answer me this:
Have any of you ever almost?
- Anybody need more coffee? - Hey, there's
a dog out there!
# So no one told you life was gonna be this
way #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love
life's D.O.A. #
# It's like you're always stuck in second
gear #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# your week, your month, or even your year
# Foot on the floor or come over no more.
# but I'll be there for you #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# I'll be there for you #
# Like I've been there before #
# I'll be there for you #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
- Ugh. That is so unfortunate. - What?
Cute Naked Guy's starting to put on weight.
I'll be back in just a minute.
I'm sorry that I left lipstick marks on the
phone.
You didn't leave lipstick marks on the
第 1 页 共 5 页
-【31】-
Friends.S03E06
phone.
Oh! Then it must have been you. Bye.
Bye-bye.
- That's why I moved out. - Hey, while we're
on that...
...when are you gonna tell my sister you
don't live here anymore?
On some level, she already knows.
She doesn't know you sneak out every
night...
...and back every morning...
...and that you've been at your
grandmother's for a week.
Okay, well, maybe not on those levels.
- Hey. - Hey.
I'm never gonna find a roommate. Ever.
Nobody good?
There was the guy with the ferrets.
That's plural.
The spitter. Oh! And the guy who enjoyed
my name so much...
...he made a noise every time he said it.
"Nice to meet you, Chandler Bing. Bing!"
"Great apartment, Chandler Bing. Bing!"
- How many more tomorrow? - Two.
This photographer who seemed really
dull...
...and this actor guy who I'm not sure
about.
When I answered the phone, "Chandler
Bing"...
...he said, "Whoa! Short message!"
Ross...
Your dresser is missing, but this she
notices.
- What? - I have to go. Heh.
Carol should be home by now, so...
- How's it going with you guys? - Better,
actually.
I finally figured out why we're having so
much trouble.
- Oh, really? - Yeah. You know how I have
you guys?
She doesn't have any close friends that are
just hers.
 Friends.S03E06
But last week, she met this woman at the Just coffee?
gym, Susan something. - Where are we gonna hang out? - You got
And they really hit it off, and I think it's me.
gonna make a difference. - Can I get a beer? - Did you pick a
So, uh, Eric... roommate?
...what kind of photography do you do? - You bet. - Is it the Italian guy?
Oh, mostly fashion. Hmm, yeah, right.
There may be models here sometimes. I hope He's so cute.
that's cool. That's what I want. A roommate I can walk
Yes, that is cool. around with...
Uh, because I have models here, you know... ...and be referred to as "the funny one."
...never. Table's free. Rack them up. Back in a
Ooh! During the summer, I spend most minute.
weekends at my sister's beach house... Get ready for me to whip your butt.
...which you're welcome to use. Okay, but after that we're shooting some
Although I should tell you, she's a porn pool.
star. Oh, ahem, no, no, no. Excuse me? Hello? Hi.
Well, I still have one more person to meet. My friend ordered an onion...
But unless it turns out to be your sister... ...not an olive.
...ahem, I think your chances are pretty And I ordered a rum and Diet Coke...
good. ...which I don't think this is.
All right. - I am so sorry. - That's all right.
Bedroom, bathroom, living room. How hard is it to get a couple drinks right,
This here is the kitchen, and thanks for huh?
coming by. Bye-bye. Well...
Don't you, uh, wanna ask me any questions? I would like to propose a toast...
Sure. Uh... Hmm... ...to the woman who, in one year from today,
What's up? will become...
Well, I'm an actor. ...Mrs. Dr. Barry Farber, D.D.S.
I'm fairly neat. I think it's time to see the ring again.
I got my own TV. Ugh! Isn't it exciting? I mean, it's like
Oh, and don't worry, I'm totally okay with having a boyfriend for life! Heh!
the gay thing. Ahem. Yeah, I know.
Ha, ha. What gay thing? What?
Uh, just, you know, in general. The whole Oh, I don't know.
people-being-gay thing. Well, maybe it's just the idea...
Totally cool with that. ...of Barry for the rest of my life.
Okay, Jerry. Thanks for stopping by. I don't know, I think I...
- Hi. - Hey. I feel like having one last fling...
Oh, my God! ...just to sort of get it out of my system.
Hey, Mon. - Rachel, stop! - You're so bad! Ha!
- Wanna hear something that sucks? - Do I I'm serious. I really think I need to just
ever! have...
- Chris says they're closing the bar. - No ...some meaningless sex, you know?
way! With the next guy I see.
They're turning it into a coffee place. Excuse me, I seem to have dropped my ball.

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-【32】-
 Friends.S03E06
Yeah, so? Who are you?
And now I've picked it up again. - I'm Eric, Chandler's new roommate. - I'm
My God! I went to high school with her. Chandler's new roommate.
Rachel! - I don't think so. - I could be Chandler's
Hi. new roommate.
Monica! - But he told me over the phone... - He told
Look! Hi! What do you think? me in person.
Oh, my God! That's weird.
You can't even see where the Titanic hit I'm going to, uh, go into my new apartment
it. now.
Yes, his name is Barry. He's a doctor, thank Hi again.
you very much. Hey.
Aw, just like you always wanted. Thank you so much.
Congratulations. Don't thank me. Thank the jerk that never
Thank you. So how about you? Are you seeing showed up.
anybody? Okay, I gotta get to work.
Not right now. - You want some help? - No, thanks. I got
Oh, well, that's okay. it.
I know. No, I don't!
So I think I'll get back to my friend. - You okay? - Yeah. Phew!
Oh, yeah. Sure, sure, sure. I stood up too fast. Got a little head rush.
Can we have lunch the next time I'm in the It's the heat.
city? And the humidity.
That'd be great. That's...
- Okay. Bye. - Thanks. Bye. ...a tough combination.
Ten bucks says I never see that woman again Do you want to come in for some lemonade?
in my life. Like you wouldn't believe.
No, honey, really. It's fine. Wow. This is a great place.
Just go with Susan. Thank you.
Really, I think... Just make yourself comfortable.
I think girls' night out is a great idea. Gotcha.
Okay. Okay. Bye. So this place is really my grandmother's.
- What are they doing? - I don't know. I got it when she moved to Florida.
Something girly. Otherwise I could never afford it.
Hey, you're early. So if the landlord ever asks...
What are you doing with the lamp? ...I'm an 87-year-old woman who's afraid
Just taking it to get rewired. of her VCR. You thirsty?
Don't take it where you took the stereo. You bet I am!
They've had that over a week. Okay...
No, no. Mr. Heckles, no one is making any ...here's your penis!
noise up here. Oh, my God! What the hell are you doing?
You're disturbing my oboe practice. You said, "You wanna come in for some
- You don't play the oboe. - I could play lemonade?"
the oboe. So?
Then I'm gonna have to ask you to keep it - Ah! Were you just gonna give me lemonade?
down. - Yuh-huh!

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-【33】-
 Friends.S03E06
Cover yourself up! happening.
Oh, right. Sorry. - I love you too. - Good.
God, I don't believe this! What?
Someone asks you in for lemonade and that What? I'm just sad.
means they want to have sex? No, you're not. You're wondering which
Usually, yeah. Well, not just lemonade... cushion it is.
...iced tea, sometimes juice. So what are you watching?
Look, sorry. I just... Baywatch.
I thought you liked me. What's it about?
I'm such a jerk. Lifeguards.
It's okay. Well, it sounds kind of stup...
I suppose it could happen to anyone. Who's she?
Not anyone I know, but... Nicole Eggert.
By the way, I can still see it. We like her.
Pheebs? Wow! Look at them run!
Where's your bed? They do that a lot.
It's not in the apartment? Hey, you want a beer?
Oh, no! - I'll get one. - Don't get up. I got a
I can't believe this is happening again. cooler here.
- What? - Okay, enough with the third - Hello? - Hey.
degree! Do you have any beers? We're out of beers.
I don't live here anymore. Help yourself.
- What are you talking about? - I'm sorry. You okay?
I don't live here anymore. Phoebe moved out.
I didn't know how to tell you. But, you know, Right.
everybody else knows. I don't understand.
Everybody knows? Am I so hard to live with? Is this why I
That was supposed to be a good thing. I don't have a boyfriend?
forget why. No...
Monica, do you know I couldn't sleep for You don't have a boyfriend because...
a month... I don't know why you don't have a boyfriend.
...because I got a dot of ink on one of the You should have a boyfriend.
sofa cushions? I think so.
You could've just turned the cushion over. Come here.
I would have, but I had a spaghetti stain Come here.
on the other side. Listen, you are one of my favorite
What? people...
This is what I'm talking about. ...and the most beautiful woman I've ever
I need to live in a land where people can known in real life.
spill! Hi.
Well, you can spill. Where is everybody?
In the sink. Ugh, it's already closed. Chris gave me the
Oh, honey. It's not your fault, you know. keys to lock up. What is wrong?
This is who you are. I think my marriage...
And I love you. And I want us to be friends. ...is kind of over.
And if I stay here, I don't see that Oh, no! Why?

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-【34】-
 Friends.S03E06
Because Carol's a lesbian. - Thanks. - And you're kind.
And I'm not one. Thanks.
And apparently it's not a mix-and-match Come here.
situation. Wait, wait, wait.
Oh, my God! It's okay.
I don't believe it! Wait, wait, wait! My foot is stuck in the
Oh, you poor bunny. pocket.
I'm an idiot. - What? - I can't get it out.
I mean, I should have seen it. That's not something a girl wants to hear.
I mean, Carol and I would be out, and she'd Come on, don't start.
see some beautiful woman... What?
...and she'd be, "Ross! Look at her!" Stupid balls are in the way.
And I'd think: Oh, well.
"God, my wife is cool." Heh. That probably wouldn't have been the most
Aw. Hey, do you think that Susan person is constructive solution.
her lover? You have chalk on your face.
Well, now I do! Ugh. You're right. I don't know why I always
I'm sorry. thought this was real grass.
Seven years! Honey, you okay?
I mean, we've been together seven years. My wife's a lesbian.
She's the only woman who's ever loved me. Cool!
She's the only woman I've ever... Ross, Joey. Joey, Ross.
Oh, Ross. I can't believe you came back.
Mm. This is nice. Don't say anything.
I know. It is, isn't it? I don't wanna speak. I don't wanna think.
No, I mean it. This feels really good. I just want you to take me and kiss me and
Is it 100 percent cotton? make love to me right here...
Yeah... ...right now.
...and I got it on sale too. # It's the time of the season #
I should go. # When love runs high #
One of the lifeguards was just about to Rachel!
dismantle a nuclear device. Rachel!
If you want to get a drink later, we can. - What? - You missed the exit.
That sounds great. Oh! Sorry.
Oh, and listen, it's gonna be... My God, what were you thinking about?
I know. Barry.
Thanks.
Maybe this wouldn't have happened if I'd
been more nurturing...
...or I'd paid more attention...
...or I had a uterus.
- I can't believe it. - I know.
You know, you don't deserve this. You don't,
Ross.
- You're so good. - Thanks.
And you're so sweet.

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-【35】-

Friends.S03E07
So I told Carl, nobody, no matter how famous
their parents are...
...nobody is allowed to climb on the
dinosaur.
But of course, this went right in one ear...
I love how he cares so much about stuff.
If I squint, I can pretend he's Alan Alda.
Oh, good. Another dinosaur story.
When are those gonna become extinct?
If I was a superhero who could fly and be
invisible...
...that would be the best.
What does Rachel see in this guy?
I love Rachel.
I wish she was my wife.
Who's singing?
# So no one told you life was gonna be this
way #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love
life's D.O.A. #
# It's like you're always stuck in second
gear #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# your week, your month, or even your year
# Okay, look, I know. Just one dinner. Please,
# but I'll be there for you #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# I'll be there for you #
# Like I've been there before #
# I'll be there for you #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
Hey, when you guys were kids and you played
Happy Days...
...who were you? I was always Richie. - I
was always Joanie.
Was, uh, "Egg the Gellers" the war cry of
your neighborhood?
Ew, ew! It's the Mattress King.
Don't look. Change the channel.
Wait. I want to see this. After I divorce
him...
...half of that kingdom is gonna be mine.
Despair fills the mattress showroom.
My kingdom is suddenly without a queen.
第 1 页 共 6 页
-【36】-
Friends.S03E07
I'm so depressed...
...I'm going to slash...
...my prices! Check it out!
599 for a California king. 499 for a
pillow-top queen set.
I'm going medieval on prices.
What a wank.
Oh, I cannot believe he's using our divorce
to sell mattresses.
I know. At 499 for a pillow-top queen, who
cares about the divorce?
Those babies will sell themselves.
And I'm appalled for you, by the way.
I'm close. I'm cheap. I'm the king.
Okay. Okay, Daddy. We'll see you tomorrow
night. Okay, bye-bye.
"We"?
- Are, uh, having dinner with my dad
tomorrow night. I hope that's okay.
Oh, shoot. Tomorrow's not good.
I'm supposed to, um, fall off the Empire
State Building...
...and land on a bicycle with no seat, so...
Ross, my father doesn't hate you.
Please. He refers to me as "Wet-Head."
Honey, he calls everybody by a nickname.
one night. For me. Please?
I just want him to love you like I do.
All right. Well, not exactly like I do.
But if you do come to dinner...
...I'll love you like I do in that black
thing that you like.
I'll go.
- Fine. - Thank you.
Hi, Gunther.
Yeah. We'll see.
- Hey, you guys. - Hey.
- Hey. Hey. - Guess what.
- I got a gig. - Great.
See, that's why I can never be an actor.
Because I can't say "gig."
Yeah, I can't say "croissant." Oh, my God.
- What's the part? - It's not a part. No.
I'm teaching Acting for Soap Operas at the
Learning Extension.

Come on. That's great.
It's like my chance to give something
back...
...to the acting community.
You know, you're probably not allowed to
sleep with any of your students.
I know.
Ugh. I don't know, Monica. It feels funny
just being here.
I mean, if you buy a bed from Janice's
ex-husband...
...that's like betraying Chandler.
Not at these prices.
Hi.
You know, in England this car would be on
the other side of the store.
Phoebe, come here.
Ah, this is my new bed.
You gotta feel this bad boy.
Ugh. Monica, it still feels so weird, you
know?
Chandler's your friend. Oh.
Oh, my God.
Oh. All right, take this bed. You can make
other friends. Oh.
Good evening.
I am Mr. Tribbiani.
And I will be teaching Acting for Soap
Operas.
Now, um...
...on my first day as Dr. Drake Ramoray on
Days of our Lives...
...uh, ahem, I learned that one of the most
important things...
...in soap opera acting is reacting.
This does not mean acting again.
It means you don't have a line, but someone
else just did.
And it goes something like this. Ahem.
Thanks. Thanks. Thanks a lot.
By the way, before I forget. To work in soap
operas...
...some of you are gonna have to become much
more attractive.
All right, moving right along...
- Hi. - Hey.
第 2 页 共 6 页
-【37】-
Friends.S03E07
- Oh! How was teaching last night? - Oh,
it was great. You get to say stuff like:
"Hey, the bell doesn't dismiss you. I
dismiss you."
- Oh, nice. - Yeah.
Oh, and guess what. I got an audition for
All My Children.
Yeah, it's this great part.
This boxer named Nick.
And I'm so, so right for it, you know? He's
just like me...
...except that he's a boxer...
...and has an evil twin.
Hear ye, hear ye. Delivery from the
Mattress King.
You Miss Geller?
- Okay. - Sign here.
Ooh. Do I have a middle name?
All right. Monica Felula...
...Geller.
It's that bedroom there.
Hey, Monica bought a bed from the Mattress
King?
Yeah. So please, please, please don't say
anything to Chandler.
- You want me to lie to Chandler? - Is that
a problem?
No.
Oh, hey, hey, Nick the boxer. Let's see what
you got.
- Yeah. - All right, put them up. Come on.
Hey, you're pretty good at this.
Yeah, I had to learn. I was staying at the
Y...
...and some of the young men weren't acting
Christian enough.
Hey, now. Hey.
Ow. And I'm bleeding. Okay, great.
Wow. And I'm a vegetarian.
All right, I'm sorry. We'll put some ice
on it.
- Put your head back. Ooh. - Okay. All
right.
- I can't see. - I have you.
Oh, God.
Which bedroom do you want it in, Ms. Geller?

Oh. It's the compulsively neat one by the
window, okay?
Gotcha.
Hi, Daddy.
This is where they put us?
What? There was no table available in the
kitchen?
- Hello, baby. - You remember Ross.
Nice to see you again, Dr. Green.
So.
- How's the library? - Uh, museum.
- What happened to the library? - There
never was a library.
I mean, there are libraries. It's just that
I, um...
I've never worked at one. Ha, ha.
You know what's really good here?
The lobster.
- What do you say? Shall I just order three?
- Yeah, if you're really hungry. Ha, ha.
It was a joke. I made a joke.
Yeah, actually, Daddy, Ross is allergic to
lobster.
What kind of person's allergic to lobster?
I guess the kind of person that works in
a library. Ha, ha.
- It's not... - I know. It's a museum.
What, you're the only who can make a joke?
At least mine was funny.
Uh, waiter.
We will have two lobsters and a menu.
So, Dr. Green, how's the old boat?
They found rust.
- Do you know what rust does to a boat? -
Gives it a nice antique-y look?
Rust is boat cancer, Ross.
Wow, I'm sorry.
When I was a kid, I lost a bike to that.
Ha, ha.
Excuse me for a moment, will you, please?
I wanna say good night to the Levines before
we go.
Okay.
Honey, stop. It's not that bad.
Yeah. Oh.
Uh-oh. I think your dad must have added
第 3 页 共 6 页
-【38】-
Friends.S03E07
wrong.
He only tipped, like, 4 percent.
Yeah. Ahem, that's Daddy.
"That's Daddy"? Doesn't it bother you?
You're a waitress.
Yes, it bothers me, Ross.
But, you know, if he was a regular at the
coffee house...
...I'd be serving him sneezers.
- So? - So, Ross...
...I've bugged him about this a million
times. He's not gonna change.
Do you really serve people sneezers?
Ahem, well, um, I don't.
- All right, kids. Ready? - Yes.
Thanks again, Dr. Green.
Wait, wait, wait, I think I forgot my
receipt.
- Oh, you don't need that. - Ahem, why not?
The carbon. It's messy. I mean, gets on your
fingers and causes...
...the, uh, night blindness.
What is this?
Who put a 20 down here?
Oh, yeah, that would be me.
Um, I have... I have a problem.
I tip way too much, way, way too much.
- It's a sickness, really. - Yeah, it is.
It is.
- We have to do something about that. -
Excuse me.
You think I'm cheap?
He didn't mean anything by that.
- He really didn't. - Nothing I do means
anything. Really.
This is nice. I pay $200 for dinner.
You put down 20 and you come out looking
like Mr. Big-Shot.
You really wanna be Mr. Big-Shot?
Here. I'll tell you what. You pay the whole
bill, Mr. Big-Shot. All right?
Well, "Mr. Big-Shot" is better than
"Wet-Head."
Okay, some tricks of the trade.
Now, I've never been able to cry as an
actor...

...so if I'm in a scene where I have to
cry...
...I cut a hole in my pocket...
...take a pair of tweezers...
...and just start pulling.
Okay. Or uh... Or let's say I want to
convey...
...that I've, uh, just done something evil.
Well, that would be your basic I've-got-a
fish-hook-in-my-eyebrow-and-I-like-it.
No? Okay. Let's say I've just gotten bad
news.
Well, all I do there is try and divide 232
by 13.
And that's how it's done.
Great soap opera acting tonight,
everybody.
Class dismissed.
- Hey, Mr. Trib. - Hey.
Guess what. I got an audition.
Oh. One of my students got an audition. I'm
so proud.
I was wondering if you would consider
coaching me for it.
- Oh, you bet. What's the part? - Oh, it's
great.
It's a role on All My Children. Nick the
boxer.
Had to do it, didn't you? You couldn't leave
it alone.
Four percent, okay? I tip more than that
when there's a bug in my food.
Ross, tonight was about the two of you
getting along.
Would you see my chiropractor already?
Yeah, I'm gonna go to a doctor who went to
medical school in a mini-mall.
Hey, Pheebs. What are you doing?
I'm... I'm freaking out.
Monica kind of trusted me with something
and she shouldn't have.
All right, I haven't lived here in a while,
so I have to ask you.
Does Monica still turn the lights on in her
bedroom?
- Ahem. Yeah. - I am so dead.
第 4 页 共 6 页
-【39】-
Friends.S03E07
All right, look, here's the bottom line,
Ross.
This is fixable if we act fast, okay?
So I'll invite him to brunch tomorrow and
you can make nice.
Honey, I have tried to make nice. It doesn't
work.
Okay. Look, I realize my father is
difficult...
...but that's why you have got to be the
bigger man here.
Look, sweetie, I could be the bigger man.
I could be the biggest man.
I could be a big, huge, giant man and it
still wouldn't make a difference.
Except that I could pick your father up and
say, "Like me. Like me, tiny doctor."
Okay, well, can't you just try it one more
time, Ross? For me? For me?
Rachel, one brunch is not gonna solve
anything.
You've gotta face it. We're never gonna get
along.
Okay, well, you are just going to have to.
Okay? I've already got a mother and father
who cannot stay in the same room.
I don't want to have a separate room for
you too.
Okay, okay. Okay.
I'll get the bagels.
What's this?
Isn't it cool? Vroom. Vroom.
This is not the bed I ordered.
I know. You must have won, like, a contest
or something.
Phoebe.
Why is this car in my bedroom?
I'm sorry, okay. I wasn't looking...
...and the store said that they won't take
it back because you signed for it.
- When did I sign for it? - When I was you.
You know what? It's all Joey's fault
because he left his nose open.
Did you make brownies today?
Knock, knock.
Quick. Take off your dress. He won't notice

the bed.
Hey, I'm going for sushi. Does anybody want,
uh...?
Whoa. Somebody missed the off-ramp.
It's Monica's bed. What?
Okay...
It's a race car.
So? This has always been Monica's bed. What,
you're just noticing now?
How self-involved are you?
Okay, well, if this bed isn't new...
...then how come there's plastic on the
mattress?
Sometimes I have bad dreams.
Look...
...I just saw my best friend's brain
smeared across the canvas.
It's not gonna be me.
Not me.
That was good. That was...
- Tweezers? - No.
- That was really good. - Thanks.
Any suggestions?
Hmm, I...
You told him to play the boxer gay?
Well, I might have said "super-gay."
You totally screwed him over.
Joey, you're this guy's teacher. I mean,
how could you do this?
Because, Monica, the guy's so good.
And I really, really want this part.
Well, if you really, really want it, then
it's okay.
- Hi, Daddy. - Baby.
- Ross? - Dr. Green, how are you?
Thanks for dinner last night.
Thank you for teaching me a valuable
lesson.
Nice hair. What did you do, swim here?
Okay, that's it. I can't take it anymore.
What, what? He's interested in you.
- He just wants to know how you got here.
- Oh, please.
- Sweetie, it's hopeless. I'm just gonna
go. - What? Ross.
- I'm sorry. It's just... - Ross?
第 5 页 共 6 页
-【40】-
Friends.S03E07
What's with the neck?
He's got this thing and I keep telling him
to go to my chiropractor.
You still going to that chiropractor?
That man couldn't get into med school in
lxtapa.
Yeah, thank you. That's what I keep saying.
Excuse me, ahem, Dr. Bobby happens to be
an excellent doctor.
Wait a minute. His name is Dr. Bobby?
- Well, that's his last name. - And his
first name.
He's Bobby Bobby?
Ahem. It's Robert Bobby.
And, um, excuse me. He helps me.
- Oh. Please. Ask her how? - What do you
need help for?
With my alignment. One leg's shorter than
the other.
- Oh, my God. - Yeah. Argue with that.
What? It's true. My right leg is two inches
shorter.
Come on, you're just tilting.
- Her legs are fine. - I know that.
- So why do you let her go to a chiropractor?
- I'm sorry, "Let her"?
What can I do? She doesn't listen to me
about renter's insurance, either.
Wait a minute. You don't have renter's
insurance?
- No. Ahem. - So, what if somebody steals
something?
How you gonna run after him with one leg
shorter than the other?
Hey, would you, uh...? Would you like some
juice?
- I'd love some juice. - Okay.
Well, this is going so well. Did you see
us? Did you see?
Yeah, honey. I was standing right there.
Why don't you tell him about the mole I
haven't gotten checked?
Excellent.
There will come a time in each of your
careers...
...when you'll have a chance to screw over
 Friends.S03E07
another soap opera actor.
I had such an opportunity in the recent
present.
And I'm ashamed to say...
...that I took it.
I advised a fellow actor to play a role...
...homosexually.
Yeah.
We both auditioned for the part and, uh...
...as it turned out...
...they...
They liked the stupid gay thing and cast
him.
And now...
...he's got a two-year contract...
...opposite Susan Lucci...
...the first lady of daytime television.
And me?
Me, I'm stuck here teaching a bunch of
people...
... most of whom are too ugly to even be
on TV.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Thank you.
- Uh, may I help you? - Yes, hi.
I'm the lady who got stuck with the race-car
bed.
Look, it's like I told you. There's nothing
I can do.
You signed for it. "Monica Felula Geller."
All right, jester man, look, we wanna see
the king.
Nobody sees the king.
Okay. I'm talking to the king.
Hey, you can't go back there.
Oh, my God.
Hey, watch it, lady.
Hey, good-looking.
All right, I'll leave.
My bed's so boring.

第 6 页 共 6 页

-【41】-

Friends.S03E08
Here you go, Pheebs.
Who wants one of my special home-baked
brownies?
I'll have one.
- That's okay. - I'm not having one.
No, no. It's just my tooth.
- All right. - I'll have one.
So you need a dentist? I've got a good one.
Thanks. I have a good one too. I just can't
see him.
See, that is the problem with invisible
dentists.
Why can't you go to him?
Because every time I go to the dentist,
somebody dies.
That's so weird. Every time I go to the
dentist...
...I look down the hygienist's blouse.
Phoebe, what, um?
What?
First, it was my Aunt Mary.
And then there was, um, John, my mailman.
And then my cowboy friend, Albino Bob.
Ahem. And all these people actually died?
Yes. While I was in the chair.
That's why I take care of my teeth. It's
not about oral hygiene.
I floss to save lives.
Come on, you didn't kill anybody.
These people just happened to die when you
went to the dentist.
It's just a coincidence.
Tell that to them. Oh, you can't! They're
dead!
# So no one told you life was gonna be this
way #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love
life's D.O.A. #
# It's like you're always stuck in second
gear #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# your week, your month, or even your year
# display.
# but I'll be there for you #
第 1 页 共 6 页
-【42】-
Friends.S03E08
# When the rain starts to pour #
# I'll be there for you #
# Like I've been there before #
# I'll be there for you #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
Thanks, Gunther.
- Hi. - Hey.
Um, can I get a napkin too?
Oh, like you don't already have everything.
You're in pain. Would you just go to the
dentist? Just go.
Fine. But if you're my next victim...
...don't come back as a poltergeist who
sucks me into the TV set.
I promise.
Although, don't feel like you can't visit.
Hey, is Chandler here?
No. No, he's not.
You guys, Joey just saw Janice kissing her
ex-husband.
What?
What are you gonna do? How are you gonna
tell Chandler?
I was thinking about that. I think the best
way would be...
...to not.
Joey, if you know about this, you have to
tell him.
It'll kill him. It'll just kill him.
Wait till I go to the dentist. Maybe I'll
kill him.
Ugly Naked Guy's using a hammock. It's like
a Play-Doh fat factory.
I'm going to the dentist. So listen...
...just be on the lookout for anything that
you could fall into...
...or that can fall on you...
...or...
All right, just look out!
Okay? And, um, I also just want to...
I just want to tell you all that, um...
I have a problem. I have to go into work
for a few hours.
Some kids messed up the Homo sapien
What did they do?

They painted over the word "sapien," for
one thing.
Then they rearranged the figures. Let's
just leave it at that.
Do you want me to watch Ben for you?
Yes, that's what I was gonna ask. Thank you.
Woah, wait, hello! Heh, what about me?
You. You want to watch Ben?
That would be great! I just asked Monica...
...because I know how empty her life is.
- Hey, Ross? I got a science question. -
Yeah. Mm-hm.
If the Homo sapiens were, in fact, "homo"
sapiens...
...is that why they're extinct?
Joey, Homo sapiens are people.
Hey, I'm not judging.
Look, Benny! Spoon!
Spoon!
Come on. All right, you know what? I think
he's bored.
Here. You wanna play the airplane game?
You wanna show Rachel? Come here.
You wanna do something fun? Okay.
You're so brave. You're so brave! Yes, you
are.
- You're so brave. - You're okay.
He's fine. Let's just put him down.
Come here, babe. Yes, you're such a good
boy.
How could you do that to him? Ross trusted
me! What's he gonna say?
Nothing, because we're not telling him.
- We're not? - No.
- All right, I like that. - Okay.
So we're okay. We're okay, aren't we?
No, we're not okay. There's a bump.
- There's a bump. - What bump?
Oh, my God! Well, push it in! Push it in!
I can not push it in!
- Okay, we're gonna need a distraction. -
Okay.
- That's it. - Okay.
- I got it! - Okay.
- The second Ross walks in... - Yeah.
...take him to your bedroom and do whatever
第 2 页 共 6 页
-【43】-
Friends.S03E08
you do that makes him go:
Or...
...we could put a hat on his head.
A hat! Yes! We need a hat! Where are we gonna
find a tiny little hat?
Oh, oh, oh! I'll get Rainy Day Bear!
Because he'll know what to do?
Oh, my God. You're a genius!
Oh, God. It's kind of sewn on.
- Give it. Give it. - Okay.
Agh, it's just like a bloodbath in here
today!
Hey, hold on a second. Hold on a second.
Do you think these pearls are nice?
I'd prefer a mountain bike.
Janice's birthday's coming. I wanna get her
something special.
- Come in here with me. - Woah, woah, whoa,
wait. Woah.
You wanna get her something special? Get
her flowers.
Get her candy. Get her gum. Girls love gum.
That's a good idea. "Dear Janice: Have a
Hubba-Bubba birthday."
I'd like to get her something serious.
Oh, you want something serious.
You know what you should do? You should get
her one of those, um...
...barium enemas.
Those are dead serious.
Look, I'm gonna go in here. And you don't
buy me anything, ever!
You can't! You can't. You can't buy her
pearls.
You just can't, you can't, you can't!
Why not?
Oh, God. Uh, okay.
Here's the thing. Ahem.
This is the thing. Okay, the thing is...
- What is the thing? - Okay.
I went down to the Mattress King's
showroom...
...and I saw Janice kissing her ex-husband.
What?
They were in his office.
Well, she... She wouldn't do that. She's
 Friends.S03E08
with me. You would tell me.
I'm telling you, I saw it. Why are your eyes so wide?
Well, you're wrong. Okay? You're wrong. You tell me.
I'm not wrong. Maybe it's because I was just fooling
I wish I was. around with my ex.
I'm sorry. Oh, no. No, no, no. That was you!
Bet that barium enema doesn't sound so bad Oh, my God!
now, huh? - All right! - How did you know?
It makes more sense as an ensemble. And it Joey told me. He saw you two kissing.
takes the focus off the hat. In the park?
Oh! You're alive! You're alive! No. In his office. How many kisses were
See? I promised you no one would die, didn't there?
I? - Just those two! - Wh...? Why? Why?
We'll see about that. Can I use your phone Why was there kissing? There should be no
to call everyone I know? kissing!
Sure. We have no money. Go ahead. Oh, I'm sorry, honey. I'm so, so...
Hey, you're not dead! Okay, see you. I'm so, so sorry. I just...
Monica. What happened was I... I can't breathe.
Oh, my God! He just said my name! Can you get me a bag or something? Aah.
- Did you hear that? - Yeah. Here. Here.
Monica bang! There.
Ahem. Okay, I heard that. - It's the receipt. - I'll take it.
Did he just say, "Monica bang"? Look, I've got to know.
Oh, my God! He's gonna rat me out! Are you finished with me?
Monica bang! Are you finished with him?
Sweetie, you need to stop saying that now. Do you still love him?
It's no big deal. It's not even worth Do you still love me?
mentioning. All right, look...
You see? We all do it all the time. ...I'm gonna need an actual answer here,
See? Watch this. okay?
Ben, Ben, Ben. Ow. So which is it?
Monica bang! Everybody bang! Him or me?
Ben bang! I don't know.
Rachel bang! Okay, if you're alive, you answer your
Bang, Rachel! Bang! phone!
- Oh, isn't it fun? - Look at that! Look Ben, I won't tell your daddy that you had
at that! ice cream before dinner...
We all do it! ...if you won't tell him about our little
- Okay, I'm stopping now. - Are you okay? bonking incident.
Oh, yeah. You know, if it's not a headboard, Number one, I don't think Ben understands
it's just not worth it. the concept of bribery.
How's my Bing-a-ling? And number two, I...
I don't know. What?
You tell me. You said "number two."
Anything you, uh, want to tell me? I also said "number one."
Because if you, uh... You should... Ha-ha-ha, I know.

第 3 页 共 6 页

-【44】-

- Hey, everyone! - Hi!
How's my little boy?
He's perfect. Aren't you, Ben?
- He's never been better. - What did you
do, take him whaling?
Monica.
Oh, my God! He just said your name! That's
great! Good job, Ben!
Monica bang!
Ha-ha-ha. That's right.
That's what I'd sound like if I exploded.
Woo-hoo! The curse is broken! I called
everybody I know...
...and everyone is alive!
What?
Ugly Naked Guy looks awfully still.
Oh, my God, I killed another one!
The curse is getting stronger too, to bring
down something that big.
Maybe he's just taking a nap.
I'm telling you, he hasn't moved since this
morning.
We should call somebody.
Tell them the naked guy we stare at isn't
moving?
We've got to find out if he's alive.
How are we gonna do that? There's no way.
Well, there is one way.
His window's open. I say...
...we poke him.
Hey!
You know how we, uh, save all those
chopsticks...
...for no reason when we get Chinese food?
Yeah?
Well, now we got a reason.
What?
Well, we're fashioning a very long poking
device.
All right.
Hey, uh, what's the matter?
I talked to Janice.
Oh, my God. Is she going back to him?
She doesn't know.
Says she loves us both.
I woke up this morning, I was in love.
第 4 页 共 6 页
-【45】-
Friends.S03E08
I was happy!
It serves me right for buying that 12-pack
of condoms.
And now I can't even return them, because
she choked on the receipt!
What are you, uh...? What are you gonna do?
I don't know.
You know? What would you do?
Uh, it doesn't matter what I'd do.
Come on. Come on. Tell me.
All right, you, uh...
...you probably won't want to hear this,
but, uh...
...if it was me, and this is just me, I would,
uh...
- I would bow out. - What?
What are you talking about?
They have a kid together...
...you know? They're like...
They're, like, a family.
And if, I don't know...
...if there's a chance they can make that
work...
...I wouldn't want to be the guy who stood
in the way.
You okay?
You, uh?
You wanna come poke a nude guy?
Well, he's finally asleep.
About that, uh, bump on his head...
Are you, uh, sure it's a new bump?
No offense, but I've always thought of Ben
as a fairly bumpy-headed child.
It's okay if he bumps his head. Kids bump
their heads all the time.
It was your first time babysitting. You did
your best.
- I did! - I know.
You just have to watch them all the time.
I did! I watched! I watched!
I watched Monica bang his head against that
thing!
Monica did it?
- Monica? Um... - Yeah.
Did you notice anything weird about Ben
today?
 Friends.S03E08
No, why? You know? I mean, what we have...
I was just playing with him, and we were ...it's like movie love.
doing the "Alphabet Song"... You're my soul mate.
...which he's good at. But he left out "E" I can't believe we're not gonna spend the
and "F." rest of our lives together.
It's like they just, uh, I don't know, fell Then don't leave me.
out of his head. What?
Really? Forget what I said! I was babbling! Pick
Oh, and also, he's walking... me!
...kind of funny. No, you were right! I gotta give my marriage
It's like his left leg is moving a lot another chance.
faster than his right leg. Pssh! No, you don't!
Yeah, he's in there, just sort of, you No, I say you have to give your divorce
know... another chance!
Oh, my God! I wrecked your baby! I'm sorry.
I hope it's still funny when you're in hell. Oh, don't go.
You jerk! No, I gotta go.
- You know I love that kid! - Monica bang! No. No. No, no.
Monica bang! Honey. Honey. Ha, ha.
I'll get the hat. - People are looking. - I don't care.
I have something to tell you. I don't care!
And I want you to let me get through it... Yeah, um, okay. I'm...
...because... I'm leaving now.
...it's not gonna be easy. You can't leave! I have your shoe!
Okay. Goodbye, Chandler Bing.
I think you should go back with Gary. Rachel has those in burgundy.
I don't want to be the guy that breaks up Remember, something this big and long will
a family. be very difficult to maneuver.
You know, when my parents split up, it was Fortunately, I have experience in that
because of that guy. area.
Whenever I'd see him, I'd always think: Can we please focus here? A naked man's life
"You're the reason. You are why they're not hangs in the balance.
together." I'm telling you, he's dead.
And I hated that guy. What we're about to have here is a dead fat
And it didn't matter how nice he was or how guy on a stick!
happy he made my dad. All right, ladies and gentlemen, let's
Yeah, wow. poke.
It's the right thing to do. Steady.
You're right. Okay, a little higher.
Oh, God. But before I can say goodbye... Careful of the angle.
...there's something I really need you to Okay, okay. We're approaching the window.
know. Thread the needle. Thread the needle.
The way I feel about you... He's alive! He's alive!
...it's like I finally understand... And yet we're still poking him.
...what Lionel Richie's been singing Okay, retract the device! Retract the
about. device!

第 5 页 共 6 页

-【46】-
 Friends.S03E08
He does not look happy.
Now he's showing us his poking device.
Hey, that's never gonna make it all the way
over here, buddy! Ha.
# I'll hold you close in my arms #
# I can't resist your charms #
# And love #
# Love #
# I'll be a fool for you #
# I'm sure #
# You know I don't mind #
# Oh, you know I don't mind #
# Yes #
# You mean the world to me #
# - Oh, I know - I know #
# - I've found - I've found #
# In you #
# My endless love #
# Love #
# - Lo... Love - Love #

第 6 页 共 6 页

-【47】-

Friends.S03E09
Oh, come on!
Hey, it's your Thanksgiving too.
You know, instead of watching football, you
could help.
We know.
Rachel, you wanna put the marshmallows in
concentric circles.
No, you want to put them in concentric
circles.
I want to do this.
Every year.
# So no one told you life was gonna be this
way #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love
life's D.O.A. #
# It's like you're always stuck in second
gear #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# your week, your month, or even your year
# ...I accidentally broke Ross' nose.
# but I'll be there for you #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# I'll be there for you #
# Like I've been there before #
# I'll be there for you #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
To the 10, to the 5. Touchdown, Giants!
You know, for once, I am gonna try to watch
one of these things.
Halftime.
Who wants to, uh, throw the ball around?
Get a little 3-on-3 going?
- Oh, that would be so much fun! - Can I
play too?
I've never played football, ever.
Great! You can cover Chandler.
I don't... I don't really want to play.
You never do anything since you and Janice
broke up.
Not true.
I wanted to wear my bathrobe and eat peanut
clusters all day.
And start drinking in the morning. Don't
say I don't have goals!
第 1 页 共 6 页
-【48】-
Friends.S03E09
You have to start getting over her, all
right?
If you play, maybe it'll take your mind off
Janice.
If you don't, everyone will be mad at you
because the teams won't be even.
All right, I'll play.
Yay! Let's do it! Ross?
- What? - Wanna play football?
Monica and I aren't supposed to play
football.
Says who? Your mom? Ha-ha-ha.
Yes.
Ahem. Every Thanksgiving, um, we used to
have a touch football game...
...called The Geller Bowl.
No, no, no. You say that proudly!
Anyway, Ross and I were always captains,
and, um...
It got kind of competitive. And one year,
Geller Bowl VI...
It was so not an accident.
She saw I was about to tag her, so she
threw...
...her big fat grandma-arm elbow in my
face...
...and just kept running.
To score the winning touchdown, by the way.
Uh, you did not win the game. The touchdown
didn't count...
...because of the spectacularly illegal,
and savage, nose-breaking.
I won the game.
Yeah? Then how come you didn't get the
Geller Cup?
Ahem, there was a Geller Cup?
Yes, the trophy you got if you won the game.
But Dad said nobody won, and he was sick
of our fighting.
So he took the trophy...
...threw it in the lake.
And was the curse lifted?
Anyway...
...Mom said we weren't allowed to play
football again.
 Friends.S03E09
You know what? I think we should play a - I thought you knew what you were doing.
game. - I thought you meant in life!
I mean, come on. It's been 12 years. Break!
Can I see you for a second? The ball is Janice. The ball is Janice.
Wuss! Ow! Son of a...! Ow!
All right, we're gonna play. - Come on! - I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Wait. How we gonna get there? My mom won't You know what? We're just gonna throw it.
let me cross the street. I got it!
Here you go. Go, go, go!
All right. Score! Seven to nothing!
- Let's bring it in. - Wait. Honey, you okay?
Honey, throw it to me! Come on, let's go.
Here you go. Whoo. Losers walk.
That almost hit me in the face! Yeah? Losers talk.
We have to pick captains. No, no, actually, losers rhyme.
And then "Tennilles." - You wanna go shotgun? - Yeah.
So how do we decide that? Hike.
- Why don't we just bunny up? - What? - One Mississippi... - Over here! Over here!
- Bunny! - Bunny! Unh.
Looks like Ross and I are captains. Ha! I almost caught that one!
Okay, so, um, I bunnied first, so I get to Great. Now the score's seven to almost
pick first. Joey. seven.
- Thank you. - Monica. Okay, on this play, I want you to do a
I'm your best friend. down-and-out to the right, okay?
Sweetie, don't worry, you'll get picked. - Break! - Wait. What am I gonna do?
Chandler. You?
- Ross? - Phoebe. You go long.
Sweetie, now I pick you. How long?
You don't pick me. You're stuck with me! Until we start to look very small.
Okay. All right. So let's see. - Okay. Break! - Break!
Let's play from the, uh, trash can to the - Set, hike! - One Mississippi...
light post, right? Switch! Switch! Switch!
Two-hand touch. We'll kick off. No, no, no, no!
People, listen. I've got 28 minutes... Hey. Thanks for stopping our ball.
...before I have to baste again. You are playing American football?
Wow, just like in the pros. Yeah.
Okay, huddle up! Whoo! Wow, you're, like, from a whole other
- Huddle up over here! - Wait for me! Wait country!
for me! - I'm Dutch. - Hi, I'm Joey.
Oh, cool! My first huddle. I am Margha.
- Okay. - Ha, ha. Okay. Sorry, Dutch, I didn't get that last little
So what do you guys really think of bit.
Chandler? You wanna play football or...? Hi, I'm
- You know what you're doing, right? - Yeah. Chandler.
Okay. Joey will catch it. We'll block. Hello, Chandler.
What's "block"? Her name is Dutch and also "Margham."

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-【49】-
 Friends.S03E09
- Margha. - Margha. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three
Margha. Mississippi.
Mahan. Fumble!
Come on, guys! Let's go! Second down! What's the matter with you? This is my
- Uh, hello? It's third down. - No, it's favorite jersey.
not. It's second. Well, now you have two.
"Wow" what? Hey, I am good at math!
It just amazes me that you're still pulling That's it. I was still gonna let you have
stuff like this. Heh. her.
- Pulling what? It's second down. - Okay, But now, prepare to feel bad about
it's second down. yourself.
Take all the second downs you need. I've been preparing for that my entire
- I heard that. - Well, I said it loud. life!
It is okay if I stay and watch? Or something about you that's mean!
- Just sit right there. - Yeah, why don't Come on, guys. Let's go.
you stick around? Tie score. We're running out of time.
- That went well. - I think so. Forty-two, 38, hike!
I was thinking about, uh, asking her for I got it! Ooh! Ugh!
her number. Broken boobs! Ow.
Thanks, man, but it makes a stronger - Pheebs, run! - Run, Phoebe! Run!
statement if I ask for it myself. - God! Touchdown! Touchdown! - Yes!
I was thinking about for me, as part of that Touchdown! Hey, oh!
getting-over-Janice thing. No, no, no.
Oh, yeah. That. Uh, the buzzer buzzed. It doesn't count.
If it means that much, I'll let you have - After the snap. - Before the snap.
her. - After. - Before.
Thanks. - Does it really matter? - Yes!
Wh...? "Let me have her"? But I made a touchdown. It was my first
You mean if you didn't, I wouldn't have a touchdown.
shot? Pheebs, that's great. Doesn't count.
I don't like to say it out loud... - Does so count. - Cheater, cheater,
...but yeah! compulsive eater.
We all have our strengths. You're better Oh, my God!
with numbers and stuff. That's fine. Maybe you haven't grown up,
Math? You're giving me math? but I have.
All right, you know what? Forget about it. - Oh, okay. - Dead leg!
You go for the girl. We'll see who gets her. Okay, fine. You want to win by cheating,
I want you to run a post-pattern to the left. go ahead.
And, sweetie... The touchdown does count. You win.
Yeah, I know. Go long. No!
All I'm doing is running back and forth from I won't do this again. I wanna beat you when
the huddle. you can't blame it...
Well, uh, you wanna just stay out there? ...on the broken nose or the buzzer or the
- Can I see that for a second? - Yeah. fact that you might have mono.
- Okay. - Okay, let's go. Let's just call this tie score and it's
- I got Chandler - Hike! halftime.

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-【50】-

First, I don't play with cheaters.
Second of all, you know I had swollen
glands!
You know what? I think you'll play.
Oh, really? Why's that?
Because the winner gets this.
The Geller Cup!
Is everybody else seeing a troll doll
nailed to a two-by-four?
Okay, good.
Okay, where the hell did you get that?
When you went to the hospital for your
nose...
...I swam into the lake and fished it out.
That cup is mine!
No, it's not. You want it, you're gonna have
to win it.
So are we not having dinner at all?
Come on, let's go. It's time to get serious.
Huddle up.
Keep your head in the game.
It's hard, you know? His huddle's close to
the Dutch girl.
If I take Chandler out of the running, will
you be able to focus?
- What are you gonna do? - Just make sure
he catches the ball.
I'll do the rest.
- Come on, you wuss! - Okay, come on.
- Go, Cha... Chandler. - I got it!
Come on! This way! Come on!
- Look out! - Oof!
Tackled by a girl! Bet you don't see that
every day.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's with the tackling?
What?
I just touched him and he went over.
Okay. You wanna play rough? We can play
rough.
Let's get ready to rumble!
- Go, go, go! - Get her! Get her!
I love this game!
Where'd you get that?
I went really long.
Forty-two to 21.
Like the turkey, Ross is done!
第 4 页 共 6 页
-【51】-
Friends.S03E09
You got to pick first, so you got the better
team.
Pathetic! Why can't you just accept that
we're winning...
...because I'm better than you?
Oh, what a great argument. Exhaling!
All right, I'll prove it to you. Okay?
I'll trade you Joey for Rachel and I'll
still win the game.
What? The guys against the girls?
That's ridiculous because I'm only down by
three touchdowns.
Oh, then bring it on!
Unless you're afraid you might lose to a
bunch of girls.
Fine. Rachel, you're with Monica. Joey,
you're with me.
I can not believe you're trading me.
Let's see what it's like to be on a winning
team for a change.
You're gonna let me play?
All right, then!
The game is over? We eat now?
No, the game's not over. We're switching
teams.
Chandler finds me so intimidating that it's
better if we're on the same team.
Okay, let's play. Let's go.
Oh, uh, hold on a second.
Ahem. Where do Dutch people come from?
Uh, well, the, uh...
...Pennsylvania Dutch come from
Pennsylvania.
And the, uh, other Dutch people?
They come from somewhere near the
Netherlands, right?
Nice try.
The Netherlands is this make-believe
place...
...where Peter Pan and Tinker Bell come
from.
Oh, my.
Enough "geography for the insane." Let's
play ball.
No. No, I'm not playing with this guy.
- Oh, fine with me. - I've had enough of
 Friends.S03E09
this. Every guy who kept one eye on the TV while
Let's just cut to the chase. Heidi, which you were making out.
of my boys do you like? Oh, my God. You dated someone with a glass
What are you doing? eye too?
What are you doing? Come on, okay? This is for all womankind.
Which do I like? Let's kill them!
Yeah, for dating, general merriment, Yeah! Kill them!
taking back to your windmill? All right, I want to kill them too.
Well, if I had to choose right now... But they're boys.
...which, by the way, I find really You know, how are we gonna beat three boys?
weird... A minute and a half left, and we're down
...I would have to say Chandler. by two points.
Yes! Two points, ladies.
Wait a minute. She didn't understand the Phoebe, you do a buttonhook again.
question. Rachel, you go long.
Why don't you have Captain Hook explain it No, don't make me go long. Use me. They
to her? never cover me.
I'm sorry. That is my truth. Honey, there's a reason.
You hear that? That is her truth, Mr. "I'll I'm not lame, okay? I can do something.
Let You Have Her"! Would you let me throw? This is my game too.
I win! You suck! I rule all! Let her throw the ball.
Mini-wave in celebration of me! Sweep behind, I'll pitch it. You throw it
I am now thinking I would like to change downfield to Phoebe.
my answer to "no one." Thank you.
What? - Break! - Break!
I now find you shallow, and, um... All right, here we go.
...a dork. Thirty-two, 71, hike!
Bye-bye. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three
Heh. Nice going. Mississippi!
You just saved yourself a couple months of Go, go, go!
sex. Catch it!
It doesn't matter, because she picked me. - I'm so sorry. Are you okay? - No, I'm not
From now on, I get the dates... okay!
...and you stay home on Saturday nights They were coming at me, and I didn't know
watching Ready, Set, Cook! what to do.
Save the breakthroughs for therapy. The Thirty seconds left on the timer.
clock is ticking. So we get to take that, uh, stupid troll
We have no time, and we are losing to girls. thing home.
We're not gonna lose to girls. Come on! Hurry! We're running out of time.
It's 42-21! - Huddle up! - Okay.
This sucks! I was just up by that much! Oh! This is our last huddle!
Are we playing football or what? Come on, All right, Phoebe, get open. Rachel...
you hairy-backed Marys! - ...go long. - Okay.
We have to do this. We're playing for women Break!
everywhere. Ahh! I did it! Touchdown! We did it!
Think about every lousy date you ever had. You know? Funny thing, actually. The end

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-【52】-
 Friends.S03E09
zone starts at that pole.
So you're five feet short. So...
...ha-ha-ha, we win!
Yes, yes, yes!
Wait, explain something, though.
If nobody tagged Rachel, then isn't the
play still going?
- Let me in! Let me in! - No way! Let go!
Let go? I'm a tiny little woman!
Guys, come on, it's Thanksgiving!
It's not important who wins or loses.
The important thing is the Dutch girl
picked me!
Me, not you! Holland loves Chandler! Thank
you, Amsterdam! Good night!
Ow!
We should play football more often.
Maybe there's a league we could join.
Isn't there a "national football league"?
Yes, there is. They play on Sundays and
Monday nights.
Oh, shoot! I work Monday nights.
This stuffing is amazing. Do you think we
should bring them some?
When they're hungry, they'll come in.
- Let go! - No, you let go!
How come it's always us left holding the
ball?
I don't know. I guess the other people just
don't care enough.
Hey, it's starting to snow.
- Give it to me! Let go! - Let it go! Come
on, let go!

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-【53】-

Friends.S03E10
- Hmm. Oh, I don't know. - What?
Well, as old as he is in dog years...
...do you think Snoopy should still be
allowed to fly this thing?
- Rachel? - Yeah?
Remember when you came, you spent two weeks
getting trained by another waitress?
Oh, sure. Do you need me to train somebody
new?
Ha-ha-ha. Good one.
Actually, uh, Terry wants you to take the
training again.
Whenever.
Do you believe that?
Yeah.
# So no one told you life was gonna be this
way #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love
life's D.O.A. #
# It's like you're always stuck in second
gear #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# your week, your month, or even your year
# Hey, how do you sleep at night?
# but I'll be there for you #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# I'll be there for you #
# Like I've been there before #
# I'll be there for you #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
So that's two boxes of the Holiday
Macaroons.
On behalf of the Brown Birds of America,
I salute you.
Just admit it. You have no backhand.
Excuse me, little one. I have a very solid
backhand.
Shielding your face and shrieking like a
girl...
...is not a backhand.
I was shrieking...
...like a Marine.
All right, here, watch me execute the three
P's of championship play.
第 1 页 共 6 页
-【54】-
Friends.S03E10
Power, huah...
...precision, shew...
...and panache.
You broke a little girl's leg?
I know. I feel horrible, okay?
It says here that a Muppet got whacked on
Sesame Street last night.
Where exactly were you around 10-ish?
Well, I'm gonna go see her. I wanna bring
her something.
- What do you think she'd like? - Maybe a
Hello Kitty doll?
The ability to walk?
I'm gonna get back to retraining. Ahem.
All right. See you guys.
Look out, kids. He's coming.
And I gotta go sell some Christmas trees.
Have fun. Oh, wait. No, don't.
I forgot. I am totally against that now.
What? Me having a job?
No, no. I am against innocent trees being
cut down in their prime...
...and their corpses grotesquely
dressed...
...in, like, tinsel and twinkly lights.
Well, I'm pretty tired from lugging the
trees around.
Hey, Phoebe, listen.
You got this all wrong.
Those trees were born to be Christmas
trees.
They're fulfilling their life purpose by
making people happy.
Really?
Yes.
Yes, and, uh, the trees are happy too...
...because for most of them, it's their
only chance to see New York.
After you've delivered the drinks, you take
the tray...
Gunther, Gunther, please. I have worked
here for two and a half years.
I know the empty trays go over there.
What if you put them here?
You know, that's actually a good idea.

They'll be closer to the mugs.
You know what? You should have the other
waitresses do that too.
They already do.
That's why they call it "the tray spot."
I always heard them talk about that. I just
thought it was a club they went to.
Oh, God.
- I'm sorry. - It's all right.
Sweetheart.
So this must be kind of neat for you, huh?
Your dad tells me you get a couple of days
off school...
...and you don't have to sell those cookies
anymore.
Well, I kind of wanted to sell the cookies.
The girl who sells the most wins a trip to
Space Camp...
...and gets to sit in a real space shuttle.
Wow, you really like all this space stuff,
huh?
Yeah. My dad says if I'd spend as much time
helping him clean apartments...
...as I do daydreaming about outer space...
...he'd be able to afford a trip to the Taj
Mahal.
I think you'd have to clean a whole lot of
apartments to go all the way to India.
No, the one in Atlantic City. Dad loves the
slots.
He says he's gonna double the college money
my grandma left me.
Well, good luck to Dad.
Say, how many more boxes would you have to
sell in order to win?
- The girl who won last year sold 475. -
Yeah?
So far, I've sold 75.
Four hundred, huh?
Well, that sounds doable. How much are the
boxes?
Five dollars a box.
And what is second prize?
A 10-speed bike.
But I'd rather have something my dad
couldn't sell.
第 2 页 共 6 页
-【55】-
Friends.S03E10
Well, that makes sense.
Could you do me one favor? If it's not too
much trouble.
- Yeah, Sarah, anything. - Could you pull
the curtains open for me?
The astronauts from the space shuttle are
gonna be on the news.
Since we don't have a TV, the lady across
the alley...
...said she'd push hers up to her window
so I can watch it.
Yes?
Yeah, hi. I'm selling Brown Bird cookies.
You're no Brown Bird. I can see you through
my peephole.
Um, no, hi. I'm an honorary Brown Bird.
What does that mean?
Uh, well, it means that I can sell cookies,
but I'm not invited to sleepovers.
I can dial 911 at the press of a button,
you know.
Now, go away.
Please, please. It's for a poor little
girl...
...who wants to go to Space Camp more than
anything in the world.
- I'm pressing. - No...
A policeman is on his way.
Okay, okay. I'm going, I'm going.
- I can still see you. - All right.
Hey.
Hey. What are you doing here?
Well, I thought a lot about what you said...
...and I realized, all right, maybe I was
a little judgmental.
Yeah. Oh, but, oh. Ugh.
Now, now, Phoebe, remember, hey...
...they're just fulfilling their
Christmas...
- Destiny. Yes. - Sure.
- Right. - Okay.
Yikes. That one doesn't look very
fulfilled.
Oh, that's one of the old ones. He's just
taking it to the back.
You keep the old ones in the back?

That is so ageist.
- We have to make room for the fresh ones.
- So, what happens to the old guys?
Well, they go into the chipper.
Why do I have a feeling that's not as happy
as it sounds?
No. No!
Hey, hey, hey.
And these come in the shapes of Christmas
characters.
Santa, Rudolph and Baby Jesus.
All right. I'll take a box of the
cream-filled Jesuses.
Wait a minute, one box? I'm trying to send
a poor little girl to Space Camp.
I'm putting you down for five boxes.
Chandler, what about you?
All right, do you have any, uh,
coconut-flavored deities?
No, but there's coconut in the Hanukkah
Menorah-eos.
I'll put you down for eight boxes, one for
each night.
Okay.
- Mon? - I'll take one box of the Mint
Treasures.
One, and that's it.
I started gaining weight after I joined the
Brown Birds.
Remember Dad bought every one of my boxes
and I ate them all?
No, Mon, Dad had to buy every one of your
boxes...
...because you ate them all.
But, you know, I'm sure that's not gonna
happen this time.
Why don't I just put you down for three Mint
Treasures...
...and just a couple of the Rudolphs?
No.
Oh, come on, now. You know you want them.
Don't do this.
I'll tell you what, Mon. I'll give you the
first box for free.
Oh, God, I gotta go.
Come on. All the cool kids are eating them.
第 3 页 共 6 页
-【56】-
Friends.S03E10
And later I wanna show you why we don't just
trap spiders...
...under coffee mugs and leave them there.
I'm training to be better at a job that I
hate. My life officially sucks.
But wasn't this supposed to be temporary?
I thought you wanted to do fashion stuff.
Well, yeah, I'm still pursuing that.
How, exactly, are you pursuing that?
You know, other than sending out resumes,
like, what, two years ago?
Well, I'm also sending out...
...good thoughts.
If you ask me, as long as you got this job...
...you got nothing pushing you to get
another one.
You need The Fear.
- The Fear? - He's right.
If you quit this job, you then have
motivation...
...to go after a job you really want.
How come you're still at a job you hate?
Why don't you quit and get The Fear?
Because I'm too afraid.
God. I don't know.
I mean, I would give anything to work for
a designer, you know, or a buyer.
Ugh. I just don't wanna be 30 and still work
here.
Yeah, that'd be much worse than being 28
and still working here.
- Rachel? - Yeah?
Remind me to review with you which pot is
decaf and which is regular.
Can't I just look at the handles on them?
You would think.
Okay, fine. Gunther, you know what? I am
a terrible waitress.
Do you know why I'm a terrible waitress?
Because I don't care.
I don't care. I don't care which pot is
regular and which pot is decaf.
I don't care where the tray spot is.
I just don't care. This is not what I wanna
do.
So I don't think I should do it anymore.

- I'm gonna give you my week's notice. -
What?
Gunther, I quit.
Does this mean we're gonna have to start
paying for coffee?
Okay, 12.
- What? - I spelled out "boobies." Ha, ha.
Ross, put me down for another box of the
Mint Treasures, okay?
Where are the Mint Treasures?
Uh, we're out. I sold them all.
What?
Monica, I'm cutting you off.
No. No.
Just a couple more boxes.
It's no big deal, all right? I'm cool.
You gotta help me out with a couple more
boxes.
Mon, look at yourself. You have cookie on
your neck.
Oh, God.
- Whoa. So how many you sold so far? - Ah?
Check this out.
- Five hundred and seventeen boxes. - Oh,
my God. How did you do that?
Ahem. Okay, the other night, I was leaving
the museum...
...just as Laser Floyd was letting out of
the planetarium.
Without even trying, I sold 50 boxes.
That's when it occurred to me. The key to
my success: The munchies.
So I started hitting the NYU dorms around
midnight.
I am selling cookies by the case.
They call me...
..."Cookie Dude."
Okay, stop what you're doing. I need
envelope stuffers, stamp lickers...
Oh, hey. Who did these resumes for you?
Me, on my computer.
Well, you sure used a large font.
Uh, yeah. Well, "Waitress at a Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no. You don't want
Coffeehouse"...
...and "Cheer Squad Co-captain" only took
up so much room.
第 4 页 共 6 页
-【57】-
Friends.S03E10
Heh, heh. Hey, that's funny.
You're funny, Chandler. You're a funny guy.
You know what else is really funny?
Something else I might have said?
I don't know, I don't know.
Weren't you the guy that told me to quit
my job...
...when I had absolutely nothing else to
do?
Sweetie, calm down. It's gonna be okay.
No, it's not gonna be okay, Ross.
Tomorrow is my last day, and I don't have
a lead.
Okay, you know what? I'm just gonna call
Gunther...
...and I'm gonna tell him I'm not quitting.
You don't wanna give in to The Fear.
You and your stupid Fear. I hate your Fear.
I would like to take you and your Fear...
Hey. I got great news.
Run, Joey. Run for your life.
What? Rach, listen, have you ever heard of
Fortunata Fashions?
- No. - My old man's doing a plumbing job
there...
...and he heard they have an opening.
Want me to see if he can get you an
interview?
Oh, my God, yes. I would love that. Oh,
that's so sweet, Joey.
Not a problem. And now for the great news.
- What, that wasn't the great news? - Only
if you think it's better than this.
Snow-in-a-Can.
I got it at work. You want me to decorate
the window?
- Give it kind of a Christmas looky? -
Christmas cookie?
Okay, and this one here's a Douglas fir.
Now, it's a little more money, but you get
a nicer smell.
Looks good. I'll take it.
that one. Uh-uh.
No. You can have this cool brown one. Ooh.
It's almost dead.
 Friends.S03E10
But that's why you have to buy it, so that That's crap.
it can fulfill its Christmas destiny. Sister Brown Bird.
Otherwise, they're gonna throw it into the Good going.
chipper. Tell him, Joey. Who's next?
Yeah, the trees that don't fulfill their - Hi there. - Hi.
Christmas destiny, heh... And batting for Sarah...
...are thrown in the chipper. ...Ross Geller.
I think I'm gonna look around a little bit Eight hundred and seventy-two.
more. Although it looks like you bought an awful
Pheebs. Heh. You gotta stop doing this. I'm lot of cookies yourself.
working on commission here. Ahem. That is because my doctor says that
Hey, guys. I'm here to pick out my Christmas I have a very serious...
tree. ...nougat...
Well, look no further. This one's yours. ...deficiency.
Is this the one that I threw out last year? Tell us what happened, Brown Bird Ross.
All right, you know what? Never mind. Well, I lost.
Everybody wants to have a green one. Some little girl loaned her uniform to her
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get 19-year-old sister...
so emotional. ...who went down to the USS Nimitz and sold
I guess it's just... The holidays are just over 2000 boxes.
hard. - Hey. How'd the interview go? - Oh, I blew
Oh, honey, is that because your mom died it.
around Christmas? I wouldn't have even hired me.
Oh, I wasn't even thinking about that. Come here, sweetie.
Hi there. How many did you sell? Listen, you're gonna go on like a thousand
I'm not gonna tell you. You're the bad man interviews before you get a job.
who broke Sarah's leg. That's not how that was supposed to come
Hey, now. That was an accident, okay? out.
You're a big scrud. This is just the worst Christmas ever.
What's a scrud? Rach, maybe you should just, you know, stay
Why don't you look in the mirror, scrud? here at the coffeehouse.
I don't have to. I can just look at you. I can't. It's too late. Terry already hired
All right, girls... that girl over there.
...and man. Look at her. She's even got waitress
Let's see your final tallies. experience. Ugh.
Oh... Debbie. Last night she was...
Three hundred and twenty-one boxes of ...teaching everybody how to make napkins
cookies. Very nice. into...
Not nice enough. ...swans.
Charla. That word was "swans."
Two hundred and seventy-eight. "Swans."
Sorry, dear, but still good. Well, seeing that drunk Santa wet himself
Good for a scrud. really perked up my Christmas.
Let's see. Ah! Oh, my God.
Ooh. Yes, Elizabeth. Merry Christmas!
Eight hundred and seventy-one. You saved them. You guys.

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-【58】-
 Friends.S03E10
Oh, God, you're the best. Nine, nine, nine.
Looks like Night of the Living Dead Eight, eight, eight. Ow.
Christmas Trees. Okay, blast off.
Hello? I'm an alien. I'm an alien.
Yeah, this is she. Oh, no, an asteroid!
Oh! You're kidding. You're kidding.
Oh, thank you. I love you.
Sure, everybody loves a kidder.
I got the job.
- Oh, hey. All right! - That's great.
Oh! God bless us, every one.
Here we go. I'm serving my last cup of
coffee.
There you go. Enjoy.
- Should I tell her I ordered tea? - No.
- No. - No.
Um, excuse me, everyone?
Uh, this is my last night working here...
...and I just wanted to say that I made some
really good friends here.
And it's just time to move on.
And no offense to everybody who still works
here...
...but you have no idea how good it feels
to say...
...that as of this moment...
...I will never have to make coffee again.
Now, Mr. Kaplan Sr. Likes his coffee
strong.
So you're gonna use two bags instead of one,
see?
Now, pay attention because this part's
tricky.
See, some people use filters just once.
I'm sorry you didn't get to go to Space
Camp...
...and I'm hoping that maybe somehow, this
may help make up for it. Okay?
Presenting...
...Sarah Tuddle's Private, Very Special
Space Camp!
Really, Mr. Geller, you don't have to do
this.
Oh, come on. Here we go.
Stand by for mission countdown.
Ten, ten, ten.

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-【59】-

Friends.S03E11
Okay, pick a card, any card.
All right, now memorize it.
Show it to everybody.
Got it?
All right. Give it back to me.
Five of hearts.
Real magic does exist.
Wow. Joey, how do you do it?
I can't tell you that. No.
Uh, somebody's at the door on the ceiling.
Heh. No, that's our unbelievably loud
upstairs neighbor.
He took up the carpets, and now you can hear
everything.
Well, why don't you go up there and ask him
to just step lightly, please?
I have, like five times, but the guy is so
charming...
...that I go up there to yell, and I end
up apologizing to him.
Oh, that is silly.
I'll go up there. I'll tell him to keep it
down.
- All right, be my guest. - Good luck.
All right, all right, all right.
If you really wanna know how I did it, I'll
show you.
When you handed me back the card, what you
didn't see was...
...I looked at it so fast, it was invisible
to the naked eye.
I just did it.
Just did it again.
Here, I'll slow it down so you guys can see
it. Ready?
I got it now. Okay.
I was at my friend's downstairs...
...and we hear every single thing that you
do.
Oh. Ha, ha. Thank you.
# So no one told you life was gonna be this
way #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love
life's D.O.A. #
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-【60】-
Friends.S03E11
# It's like you're always stuck in second
gear #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# your week, your month, or even your year
#
# but I'll be there for you #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# I'll be there for you #
# Like I've been there before #
# I'll be there for you #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
Hey.
Anybody got a length of rope about 6 feet
long with a noose at the end?
- Honey, what's the matter? - I just saw
Janice.
She was at Rockefeller Center, skating with
her husband.
She looked so happy.
I almost feel bad for whipping that kid's
pretzel at them.
I remember the first time I saw that girl
Katherine after we broke up.
She was walking with her friend Donna, just
laughing and talking.
God, it killed me.
Yes, but you ended up having sex with both
of them that afternoon.
Sorry, I just... Any excuse to tell that
story.
Hey, Chandler, there's a party tomorrow.
You'll feel better then.
Oh. You know what? I'm gonna be okay. You
don't have to throw a party for me.
It's Joey's birthday.
Oh, well, then if anybody should have a
party, it should be him.
Shh. I cannot believe she's still up there.
Okay, well, he totally screwed up the punch
line.
You know, it's supposed to be:
- How's that coffee coming, dear? - Yeah.
Right away, Mr. Kaplan.
I'm not supposed to drink coffee. It makes
me gassy.
I know.

I'll bet you're thinking, "What's an
intelligent girl...
...who wants to be in fashion doing making
coffee?"
Oh, ha, ha. You got me. Heh.
Don't think I haven't noticed your
potential.
Well, I've got a project for you that's a
lot more related to fashion.
- How does that sound? - Oh. That sounds
great.
- Come on over here, sweetheart. - Thank
you so much, Mr. Kaplan.
I need these hangers separated ASAP.
You're welcome.
Oh, God, I hate my job. I hate it. I hate
my job.
I know, honey. I'm sorry.
Oh. I wanna quit, but then I think I should
stick it out.
Then I think...
...why would such a person stay in such a
demeaning job...
...just because it's remotely related to
the field they're interested in?
Gee, I don't know, Rach.
Order up. I got a Yentl soup, James Beans,
and a Howdy, hold the Doody.
Oh. Honey, come on, I'm sorry. I didn't...
I don't mind paying my dues.
It's just, how much am I gonna learn about
fashion...
...by walking Myra, the arthritic
seamstress...
...to the bathroom?
Hi. Is my misery amusing to you?
I'm sorry, I was just, uh... Ha, ha.
It's not funny. This is actually my job.
Oh, believe me, I've been there.
I had to sort mannequin heads at Mannequins
Plus.
Oh. Well, then, so I'm just gonna go back
to talking to my friend here.
You can go back to enjoying your little
hamburger.
- Uh, just one other thing. - Ahem. Yes?
第 2 页 共 6 页
-【61】-
Friends.S03E11
I work at Bloomingdale's...
...and I might know of a job possibility,
if you're interested.
Do you want my pickle?
Hey, guys.
- Hey, Gunther. - Hi.
You're going out on a date with the noisy
guy upstairs?
- Well, he's very charming. - I know, he's
too charming.
But if you go out, it's gonna make it so
much harder for me to hate him.
Well, you're just going to have to try.
All right. Joey? Where are the Jell-O
shots?
I don't know. Chandler's supposed to be
passing them...
- Chandler. - Hello-dee-lo.
Well, somebody's feeling better.
- Stick out your tongue. - Take off your
shirt.
- Oh, my. - Oh, my God.
How many of these did you have? These are
pure vodka.
Yeah, Jell-O just like Mom used to make.
The most unbelievable thing happened to me
today.
- Hi. - Hi.
I'm having lunch at Monica's and this guy
starts talking to me...
...and he works for a buyer at
Bloomingdale's...
...and there's an opening in his department.
So I gave him my phone number...
...and he's gonna call me this weekend to
see if he can get me an interview.
I know.
What, so this guy's helping you for no
apparent reason?
And he's a total stranger?
Yeah. His name is, um, Mark something.
Ah. Sounds like Mark Something wants to
have some sex.
What?
I'm just saying, why else would he just
swoop in out of nowhere for no reason?

To be nice?
Hey, Joey, are men ever nice to strange
women for no reason?
- No, only for sex. - Thank you.
So did you tell Mark Something about me?
I didn't have to, because I was wearing my
"I Heart Ross" sandwich board...
...and ringing my bell.
Joey! Happy birthday!
Hey!
Okay, how many of that girl are you seeing?
How hammered are you? Huh? These are Joey's
sisters.
Hi, Joey's sisters.
- Hey. - Hey. Hey.
What are we drinking over here?
Oh, well, I have a vodka and cranberry
juice.
No kidding?
That's the exact same drink I made myself
right after I shot my husband.
Okay, I don't know how to talk to you.
What are you doing?
I'm taking my ex-girlfriend off my speed
dialer.
No, no, no, it's a good thing.
Why must we dial so speedily anyway? Why
must we rush through life?
Why can't we savor the precious moments?
Those are some huge breasts you have.
- Hi. - Hi.
Yeah, heh. So, um, I heard about this Mark
guy that Rachel met today.
- Oh, yeah, isn't that great? - Oh, yeah.
So, uh, yeah, pretty good. He sounds like
a nice, good guy.
Oh, he is. And he is so dreamy.
I mean, you know what? When he left, I
actually used the phrase...
..."homina, homina, homina."
That's excellent.
So he's just a nice guy.
You really think this Mark doesn't want
anything in exchange for helping you?
Well, I assume I'll have to take showers
with him.
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-【62】-
Friends.S03E11
But, you know, that's true of any job.
How you feeling?
Well, my apartment isn't there anymore...
...because I drank it.
Where'd you get to? We lost you after you
opened up all the presents.
Yeah, I ended up in the storage room, and
not alone.
Really?
No "woo-hooing." No "woo-hooing."
Why, what happened?
I fooled around with Joey's sister.
- Well, that's not the worst part. - What
is the worst part?
I can't remember which sister.
You see what men do? Don't tell me men are
nice.
This is men.
Are you insane?
Joey's gonna kill you. He's actually going
to kill you dead.
Okay. You don't think I thought of that?
- How can you not know which one? - I mean,
that's unbelievable.
- I mean, was it Gina? - Which one is Gina?
The dark, big hair, with the airplane
earrings.
No, no, no, that's not Gina, that's Dina.
See? You can't tell which is which either.
Blah.
We didn't fool around with any of them. Blah.
Blah.
Veronica. Look, it's gotta be Veronica. The
girl in the red skirt.
I definitely stuck my tongue down her
throat.
That was me.
Oh. When I've been drinking, sometimes I
tend to get overly friendly.
- And I'm sorry. - That's okay.
- That's all right. - That's okay.
Can I talk to you for a second?
- Hey, Joey. - Hey.
Come on.
Why can't we talk in here, with witnesses?
- I just got off the phone with my sister.

- Uh, which one?
- Mary Angela. - Mary Angela.
- Yeah. - Now, which one is she again?
Ask Chandler. He's the one who fooled
around with her.
She told me you said you could really fall
for her.
Now, is that true, or are you just getting
over Janice by groping my sister?
It's gotta be the first one.
Really?
That's great.
You and my sister, sitting in a tree.
Yep, I'm in a tree.
Did he call? Did Mark call?
No, honey, I'm sorry. But the weekend's not
over yet.
Oh, my God. Is that Phoebe?
- Guess they're back from their date. - Ah.
Music. Very nice.
Oh, my God.
So how are you?
- I am good. I finished my book. - Oh, yeah?
What's it about?
I don't remember. Do you wanna take a walk?
Yeah, I do.
"Dear Mary Angela:
Hi, how's it going?
This is the hardest letter I've ever had
to write."
What the hell's the matter with you? How
do you think Joey's gonna react...
...when he finds out you blew off his sister
with a letter?
That's the part where you tell him that I
moved to France...
...when actually I'll be in Cuba.
All right, look, look, you've got to do this
yourself, okay?
In person. At least you know her name.
You just go to the house and you ask for
Mary Angela, okay?
When whichever one she is comes to the
door...
...take her for a walk, you let her down
easy.
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-【63】-
Friends.S03E11
Okay.
What if Mary Angela comes to the door and
I ask for Mary Angela?
Where in Cuba?
Joey, what...? What are you doing here?
Waiting for my grandma to finish my
laundry.
What about you?
Uh, I'm here to see Mary Angela.
You are so the man. Come on.
Now, look, listen. Listen.
You gotta be cool, because my grandma
doesn't know about you two.
You do not wanna tick her off.
She was, like, the sixth person to spit on
Mussolini's hanging body.
Yeah.
Where's Mary Angela?
- She's right in there. - Okay.
Hey, Chandler.
I can't believe Mark didn't call. It's
Sunday night and he didn't call.
Bummer.
Yeah, right. Look at you. You're
practically giddy.
No, I'm genuinely sorry the Mark thing
didn't work out.
Look, Rach, I want only good things for you.
Wait a minute. Why don't you just call Mark?
Who says you have to sit here and wait for
him?
You've got to make stuff happen.
Yeah, but you don't wanna seem too pushy.
Honey, it's not pushy. He gave her his home
number.
Wha...? He gave you his home number, as in,
like, to his home?
Yeah. And you don't mind if I call, because
you only want good things for me.
That's right, good things. That is what I
said.
Ahem. Hello, Mark? Hi, it's Rachel Green.
Ha, ha. Oh, no. Don't you apologize.
Yeah, I'll hold.
He left my number at work.
He was gonna get it, but he was helping his

niece with her report on the pioneers.
That is so made up.
Yeah. Oh, my God. Tomorrow? That's... No,
it's perfect.
Oh, God. Thank you so much. Great. Bye.
Oh! I got the interview.
There you go.
He even offered to meet me for lunch and
prep me for it.
- Oh, that is amazing. - Yeah.
Well, if I know Mark, and I think I do...
- ...I'd expect nothing less. - I gotta
figure out what I'm gonna wear.
High collar and baggy pants say, "I'm a
pro."
Yeah, right. Okay, I'll see you guys later.
Okay.
You go get them.
What did I do to you? Did I hurt you in some
way?
- What? - "Why don't you call him?"
Well, thank you very much. Now he's gonna
prep her.
You know, prep her, as in what you do before
you surgically remove the boyfriend.
Are you crazy?
Oh, am I? Am I? Am I out of my mind? Am I
losing my senses?
This dreamy guy is taking my girlfriend out
for a meal.
Ross, you know, this isn't even about you.
This is about Rachel and something
happening for her.
Even if you're right.
What if he wants to sleep with her? Does
that mean he gets to?
- No, but... - I mean, don't you trust her?
Well, yeah...
Then get over yourself. Grow up.
You grow up.
This tiramisu is excellent.
- Did you make it, Mary Angela? - No, I did.
Well, it's yummy.
So, uh, Mary Angela, do you like it?
Of course. It's her favorite.
So, um, hmm...
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-【64】-
Friends.S03E11
Mary Angela, what's your second favorite?
More of Grandma's tiramisu.
Oh, would you just please...
...give me your recipe, because this is
great.
It's top-notch.
- That dies with me. - So will I.
Excuse yourself and go to the bathroom.
Oh, no, I was just squinting. That doesn't
mean anything.
Just do it.
Will you excuse me? I have to, um...
Hey...
Finally. I thought we'd never be alone.
Can I just tell you something?
I have not stopped thinking about you since
the party.
Look, I may have jumped the gun here. Whoa.
I just got out of a relationship.
And I'm not really in a... In a commitment
kind of place.
So? Me neither.
God, Mary Angela was right. You do have the
softest lips.
- You're not Mary Angela? - No. I'm Mary
Therese.
This is so bad.
If you're not Mary Angela, then who is?
I am.
Oh, it's so bad.
- Joey! - No Joey. No Joey. No Joey.
- Joey. - What's going on?
You're it. Now run and hide.
It's no big deal.
Chandler was just kissing me because he
thought I was Mary Angela.
What? How could you do that? How could you
think she was Mary Angela?
I wasn't sure which one Mary Angela was.
Look, I'm sorry, okay?
I was really drunk, and you guys all look
really similar.
I say punch him, Joey.
- Yeah, punch him. - Yeah, kick him.
We should all calm down...
...because, you know, your brother's not
 Friends.S03E11
gonna punch me. - Rachel. - Yeah?
Are you? - Hi. Hi. - Hi, Mark.
Well, that is usually what I would do. I just talked to Joanna, and she loves you.
But I never thought you'd be on the You got it. You got the job.
receiving end. - What? - Oh! I did?
How could you do this? Yes.
Joey, if you wanna punch me, go ahead. I Oh, my God!
deserve it. Congratulations...
But I just want you to know that I would So, Phoebe.
never soberly hurt you or your family. How was your date?
You're my best friend. Oh, well, you know. Ha, ha.
And I would never do anything like this ever Yeah, I do know.
again. Ick. You were eavesdropping?
So what? Eavesdropping? Pheebs, the ceiling tiles
- I say punch him. Punch him. - Yeah, punch were falling down.
him. Oh, I'm sorry.
- Come on, punch him. - No. No. I'm not gonna But I really like this guy, and I think he
punch Chandler. really happens to like me.
- I'll do it. - No, you won't. Maybe he's just jumping on a pogo stick and
Look, he knows he did a terrible thing, and he really likes it.
I believe him. Maybe the pogo stick likes it too.
He's sorry. But you got one more apology All right, that's it. He cannot do this to
to make. Phoebe.
All right? You gotta apologize to Mary This guy's gonna get the butt-kicking of
Angela. a lifetime.
- Okay. Absolutely. You got it. - All right. But is he a big guy?
- Cookie, now you can punch him. - What? We'll all go. Come on.
- Hey. - Hi. - Thanks, you guys. Thank you. - Don't
What are you doing here? worry.
You know, this building's on my paper route, God. I hope they kick his ass.
so... Honey, I'm sorry.
- Oh. Hi. - Hi. You know, if it's any consolation...
How did it go? ...he really did sound like he was having
Oh, well, the woman I interviewed with was more fun with you.
pretty tough...
...but, you know, thank God Mark coached
me.
Once I started talking about the fall line,
she got all happy.
- I'm so proud of you. - Me too.
Listen, I'm, uh...
I'm sorry I've been so crazy and jealous
and...
It's just, I like you a lot, so...
I know.
- Yeah? - Yeah.

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-【65】-

Friends.S03E12
Okay. Hey.
- Does everybody hate these shoes? - Oh,
yeah.
But I don't think anybody's gonna focus on
that as long as you wear that towel dress.
Tell him.
It's her first day at this new job. You're
not supposed to start with her.
All right. I suppose I can wait a day.
- Hey, what are you doing Friday? - Why?
I need you to come to this bachelor party
for my weird cousin Albert.
You know, he's the botanist?
Oh, God. Yeah, botanists are such geeks.
Yeah.
Is that a dinosaur tie?
Hmm? Oh, yeah.
- Morning. - Hey.
Hey. Rach, I'm here with the purses.
It must take you forever to find your keys.
Thank you, thank you, Pheebs.
Oh, you're welcome. Oh, please want the one
with the turtles.
No, no, no, turtles scare me. I don't need
that today.
Honey, just relax. It's gonna be fine.
Hey, why don't I come down there and take
you to lunch?
Aw, honey, thank you, but Mark's taking me
out.
Mark? Is that the same Mark that helped you
get the job?
Yeah. It's kind of like a "good luck on your
first day" sort of thing.
Is this actually a lunch box?
Um, no, it's a purse. And there's a thermos
in it.
- Hey, so can you make it on Friday? - What?
Oh, yeah, I think so. Why am I invited to
this again?
Apparently, Albert has no friends.
He's excited about the bachelor party,
though.
I think the only reason he's getting
第 1 页 共 6 页
-【66】-
Friends.S03E12
married is so he can see a stripper.
A stripper at a bachelor party. That is so
cliche.
Why don't you guys get a magician?
If a magician can open my beer with his butt
cheeks, then all right.
# So no one told you life was gonna be this
way #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love
life's D.O.A. #
# It's like you're always stuck in second
gear #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# your week, your month, or even your year
#
# but I'll be there for you #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# I'll be there for you #
# Like I've been there before #
# I'll be there for you #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
She's having lunch with him? Lunch with
him?
You should've seen the hug he gave her when
she got the job.
And he's really good-looking.
- What am I gonna do? - You don't do
anything.
Keep it inside. Learn how to hide your
feelings.
Don't cry out loud.
Yes! Unh!
Guess who has an audition for a Broadway
musical.
I wanna say you, but it seems like such an
easy answer.
It is me.
It's a musical version of A Tale of Two
Cities.
So I think I'm gonna sing "New York, New
York"...
...and, uh, oh, "I Left My Heart in San
Francisco."
Uh, Joey, I don't think you get to pick the
cities.
- What? - Mr. Dickens gets to pick them.
 Friends.S03E12
Who? - You better go for it. - Please. I'm not
I'll get you the CliffsNotes. going for anything.
The what? - Well, if you don't, I will. - Would you
The abridgment. please go?
Oh, okay. Ha, ha. Night, Mon.
The what? Night, Julio.
Then the style number... Look, Julio, someone left their book here.
...the invoice number, and the shipping Actually, that is mine.
date. - Oh, yeah? - Yes.
Good. Any questions so far? What are you reading?
Yeah. What kind of discount do we get? Flowers of Evil by Baudelaire. Have you
- Ha, ha. Twenty percent. - Oh. I love this read it?
job. Ha, ha. Ha, ha. Have I read it?
- Ah! My first call. - Here, let me. No. Are you enjoying it?
Okay. I thought that I would, but the
- Rachel Green's line. How may I help you? translation's no good.
- Hi, is Rachel there? You're a poet and you don't know it.
- And who may I say is calling? - This is Actually, I, uh... I am a poet.
Ross. So you do know it. Ha, ha.
Ross of? Ahem. So, uh, what kind of things do you
Of "Ross and Rachel." write about?
Oh. Hi, it's Mark. Things that move me.
- Oh, hey, Mark. Heh. Hey. - Hey. The shadow of a tree...
- Hey, hold on a second. - Uh, okay. ...a child laughing...
- It's Ross. - Okay. ...or this lip.
- Hi, honey. - Hi. Mine?
What's Mark doing answering your phone? Right here?
Oh, he's just goofing around. I could write an epic poem about this lip.
Oh, that's funny. How would that go?
Why isn't he goofing around in his own Well, it didn't rhyme, ha, ha...
office? ...but I liked it.
Ha, ha. Honey, this is his office too. I # You've got to pick a pocket or two, boys
told you, we're Joanna's two assistants. #
Why does Joanna need two assistants? # You've got to pick a pocket or two #
How lazy is she? Lovely. Just lovely.
- Oh. Oh, my God. What did I just do? - What? Really? Thanks.
I think I just shipped 3000 bras to Listen, Joey, we definitely wanna see you
Personnel. for the callback on Saturday.
Honey, I gotta go. Mark, I need you. Excellent.
Okay. Bye-bye. - I'll be there. - Ha, ha. Okay.
Ow! Ross! And listen, don't forget to bring your jazz
Huh? Oh. Oh, I'm sorry, sweetie. I was just shoes for the dance audition.
trying to... Uh, my agent said that it wasn't a dancing
Uh, I was dialing another number. part.
All right, I just got changed in 30 seconds Joey, all the roles gotta dance a little.
so you could be alone with him. Ha, ha.

第 2 页 共 6 页

-【67】-

But believe me, with your dance background,
it'll be a piece of cake.
Three years of modern dance with Twyla
Tharp?
Five years with the American Ballet
Theatre?
Hey, everybody lies on their resume, okay?
I wasn't one of the Zoom kids either.
Well, can you, like, dance at all?
Yeah, I can dance. You know:
Oh, no, no, no.
What is that?
Sure, it looks stupid now. There's no music
playing.
All right, I have to get that. But no, no.
Hello?
Yeah, listen, I'm in need of a stripper,
and I was told that you do that.
Let me ask you this. What do you do for the
extra hundred?
So would I have to provide the grapes?
Hi.
How was last night with Julio, señorita?
Ha, ha.
It was so amazing.
He's so sexy and smart, which makes him even
sexier.
Oh, my gosh. Last night we were fooling
around...
...and all of a sudden he stops to write
a poem.
Get out. I couldn't stop if a meteor hit
me.
Okay, we have our stripper, a Miss Crystal
Chandelier.
Well, sure. You name a kid that, what do
you expect them to grow up to be?
Ahem. Anyway, when he left he forgot to take
the poem with him.
Now, I am totally dense about poetry, but
I think this is pretty good, all right?
Check it out. Read it.
"The Empty Vase."
Translucent beauty...
To yourself.
- Hey, you know, that's pretty good. - Yeah,
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-【68】-
Friends.S03E12
I think so too. Phoebe?
- Oh, yeah. - Oh, great. I'm so glad you
guys like it.
- Yay. All right, I gotta go to work. - No,
no. I'm not done.
Give it back when you're through.
- Okay, see you guys. - Bye-bye.
Bye.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Poor Monica.
- What? What? What? - What?
He was with her when he wrote this poem.
Look.
My vessel so lovely With nothing inside
Now that I've touched you You seem emptier
still
He thinks Monica's empty. She's the empty
vase.
- You really think that's what he meant?
- Totally.
Oh, God. Oh, and she seems so happy too.
Done.
Do you have the Ralph Lauren file?
Oh, yeah, sure. It's, uh right...
What's that?
Uh, it's from Ross. It's a love bug.
Wow. Somebody wants people to know you have
a boyfriend.
Oh, no. No, no, no. That's not what he's
doing.
- He's just really romantic. - Okay.
Excuse me. Are you Rachel Green?
Yes, I am.
One, two, three.
# Congratulations on your first week at
your brand-new job. #
# It won't be long Before you're the boss
#
# And you know who will be there To support
you #
# Your one and only boyfriend #
# It's nice to have a boyfriend. #
# Your loyal, loving boyfriend, Ross Ross!
#
I'm hurt. I'm actually hurt...
...that you'd think I'd send you those
things out of anything other than love.

Hurt.
- Hurt. - All right, Ross, I get it. You're
hurt.
Can't a guy send a barbershop quartet to
his girlfriend's office anymore?
Oh, please. Ross, it was so obvious.
It was like you were marking your
territory.
I mean, you might as well have just come
in and peed all around my desk.
I would never do that.
Look, I know what's going on here, okay?
Mark explained it all to me. He said this
is what you guys do.
Yeah, well, if Mark said that, then Mark's
an idiot.
Mark's a genius.
- Why? How? How is he a genius? - Look, don't
you see what's happening?
Instead of hitting on her right away, he's
becoming her confidant.
Now he's gonna be the guy that she goes to
to complain about you.
What am I gonna do?
Well, why don't you send her a musical bug?
Oh, no, you already did that.
All right, look, you're gonna have to go
there yourself now, okay?
- Make a few surprise visits. - I don't know,
you guys.
Fine, don't do anything. Just sit here and
talk to us.
Meanwhile, she is talking to him about you.
And he's being Mr. Joe-Sensitive.
She starts thinking, "Maybe this is the guy
for me because he understands me."
And before you know it, she's with him.
And you'll be all, "Oh, man."
And he'll be all, "Yes!"
And us, we'll be like, "Oh, dude."
And pretty soon you'll be like:
"Hi."
And, "Well, I can't go. Rachel and Mark
might be there."
And we'll be like, "Man, get over it. It's
been four years."
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-【69】-
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He paints quite a picture, doesn't he?
Here's the Shelli Segal stuff for December.
- Oh, wait, I've got something for you. -
What? Oh... Mark.
It's okay. Rachel knows.
Yeah, but even so... Ha, ha.
I can't help it. I'm just crazy about you.
Oh, that is so sweet.
Okay, okay.
I know I'm Mr. Inappropriate today, but
it's just so tough.
I see you walking around, and I just wanna
touch and hold you.
Come on, no one's around. Just kiss me.
- All right, that's it. Get off. Get off
of her. - What is going on?
What's going on? I'll tell you what's going
on.
Ross.
I have been down in your store for 20
minutes, trying to get a tie.
What do I have to do to get some service?
Hi, Rach.
Uh, Joey? Joey Tribbiani?
Listen, Joey, I got a problem. I just got
a call from my dance captain.
He's having a relationship crisis and can't
get out of Long Island.
So does that mean the audition's off?
Listen, Joey, seeing as you've got the most
experience...
...I want you to take these dancers and
teach them the combination.
What?
Oh, Joey, come on, it's easy.
You know, it's hand, hand, head, head...
...up, pas de bourrée, pas de bourree...
...big turn here, rond de jambe, sissonne,
sissonne...
...slide, step, step...
...and jazz hands.
So that's steppity-step and jazz hands.
Have fun.
Bye.
- Hey. - Hey.
What are you wrapping?

Look what I got Julio.
- Yeah, it's a vase. - Yeah.
Just like the one in the poem.
Yeah, well, not exactly like the one in the
poem.
What do you mean?
Remember how you said you were really dense
about poetry?
Yeah.
- So I'm just an empty vase, huh? - What?
So I don't read as many important books as
you do.
I don't write poems that seem to be about
one thing but are about something else.
And you know what? I get excited about
stupid stuff...
...like when my People magazine comes on
Saturday...
...and the new Hold Everything catalog.
But that does not mean I'm empty.
I care about things. I care about my friends
and family.
You have no right to make that judgment
about me.
You don't even know me.
The poem is not about you.
- What? - "The Empty Vase" is not about you.
My baby preciosa.
You make me so sad that you would think
this.
- I'm sorry. It's... My friend Phoebe
said... - No, it's...
It's about all women.
Well, heh, all American women.
You feel better now?
Oh, yeah.
All right, let's do it.
No, no, no.
What was that?
I know, it's the best I could get out of
them.
- Well, people. - People, people, people.
Let's try it again. And this time, let's
everybody watch Joey.
Show them how it's done.
Count it off, Mack.
Friends.S03E12
So did you have fun at the bachelor party
last night?
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Look what I got.
- See, she's fully dressed, right? - Right.
And then you click it and, uh-oh, she's
naked.
And then you click it again and she's
dressed.
She's a business woman, walking down the
street.
She's window shopping, and, oh, oh, oh,
she's naked.
Hi.
Hello.
You know what? I'm gonna spend some alone
time with the pen.
I'm sorry. I was an idiot.
- A big idiot. - A big idiot. Heh.
It's just, you have to realize, this whole
Mark thing is really hard for me.
Honey, why is it hard? We've been together
for almost a year now.
Well, I was with Carol for like eight years,
and I lost her.
And now, if it's possible, I think I love
you even more.
So it's hard for me to believe I'm not
gonna...
Well, that someone else isn't gonna take
you away.
Let it be me. Let it be me.
Honey, that's very sweet.
It just seems to me, though, that if two
people love each other...
...and trust each other, like we do...
...there's no reason to be jealous.
I gotta get going. Bye, Chandler.
Oh, okay, Ross.
Listen, this pen's getting kind of boring,
so can you pick me up some porn?
- Where you going? - I've gotta go pick up
Ben.
We've got a playdate this afternoon.
Oh. With who?
Just this woman I met last night at the
party.

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-【70】-
 Friends.S03E12
There was a woman at?
The stripper?
Yeah.
You have a playdate with a stripper?
Man, I gotta get a kid.
Uh, yeah, yeah.
We started talking after she, you know, did
her thing...
...and it turns out she's got a boy about
Ben's age.
So we're gonna take the kids to a Gymboree
class.
- Is that okay? - Sure. Is she married?
No.
Are you jealous?
No. You know, I just don't see why she has
to play with you, that's all.
I mean, doesn't she, you know...
...have any other stripper-mom friends of
her own?
- You are totally jealous. - Ugh. I'm not
jealous, all right?
This is about...
...um, people feeling certain things...
...you know, about...
...strippers.
- And, you know... And, um... I... Ugh. -
Honey, I love you too.
- Bye. - Wait, wait, wait.
What?
Well, there's a kiss he won't forget for
a few hours, you know?
Yeah.
Either that or you just turned him on and
sent him off to a stripper.
Is there a Julio here?
I am Julio.
Mr. Pretentious
You think there's no one finer
Well, your poems are unpublished And you
work in a diner
You're no God's gift to women That's all
in your head
You are just a butt-munch
No one likes a butt-munch.
And you're also bad in bed

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-【71】-

Friends.S03E13
Hey.
Six dollars, please.
Six? I just had it for one night. It's 3.
Eight o'clock is the cutoff. And, oh, it's
8:02.
You know, in a weird way, you have too much
power.
Look, you're gonna have to help me out here
because I only have 3.
I can help with that.
Oh, my God. Richard?
- Hi. - Hi.
Wow. Your lip went bald.
Thanks.
So you look great.
Yeah, right. Ha, ha.
No, you do. You...
- You just... You... - What?
You got panties stuck to your leg.
Ahem, that's because I was just grabbing
some things out of the dryer...
...and static cling. Ha, ha.
Or maybe it's just because God knew I'd be
running into you...
...and saw an opportunity.
It's good to see you.
It's good to see you too.
# So no one told you life was gonna be this
way #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love
life's D.O.A. #
# It's like you're always stuck in second
gear #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# your week, your month, or even your year
# I met this really cute guy in the park.
# but I'll be there for you #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# I'll be there for you #
# Like I've been there before #
# I'll be there for you #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
- See that guy? He's in "Classics" now...
- Who?
第 1 页 共 6 页
-【72】-
Friends.S03E13
...but you know as soon as we leave, he's
going straight to the porn.
He's gonna go up to the counter with Citizen
Kane...
...Vertigo and Clockwork Orgy.
This is nice.
- Ha, ha. Yeah. - I miss this.
Me too.
So you wanna get a hamburger or something?
Aw, um, I don't know if that's a good idea.
No. Just friends. I won't grope you. I
promise.
Yeah, I think it's too soon.
No, it's not too soon. I had lunch at 11.
Yeah, baby.
- What are you doing? - Making chocolate
milk. You want some?
No, thanks. I'm 29.
Oh, my God. I gotta go to work.
What time do you think you're gonna get off
tonight?
I don't know, honey. It could be really
late.
Oh, come on. Not again.
Oh, I know. I'm sorry. Listen, I'll make
a deal with you, okay?
Every night that you're asleep...
...before I get home from work... - Yeah.
...I will wake you up in a way that has
proved very popular in the past.
Well, now, if you need to stay late, I want
to be supportive of that.
Thank you.
- Hi. - Hey, Pheebs.
- Hi. - Hey.
Look at you. Since when do you Rollerblade?
Oh. Since tomorrow.
And he, like, you know, jogs and blades and
swims, and so we made a deal.
He's gonna teach me how to do all sorts
ofjock stuff.
- And what are you gonna do for him? - I'm
gonna let him.
- Okay. - Cool.
- Morning. - Hey.

Somebody got in late last night.
Yeah, well, I ran into Richard.
- When did this happen? - Oh, um, around
8:02.
And we, uh, talked for a little while...
...and then, um, we went out for an innocent
burger.
Oh, there's no such thing as an innocent
burger.
- Are you gonna see him again? - Tomorrow
night.
Monica, what are you doing?
Well, she spent the last six months getting
over him...
...and now she's celebrating that by going
on a date with him.
It's not a date, okay?
I'm just gonna teach him how to make a
lasagna for some potluck dinner he has.
Well, you might want to make a little extra
because, you know...
...you'll probably be hungry after the sex.
We're not gonna have sex.
Okay? Nothing's changed here.
He still doesn't want children, and I still
do.
So that's why we're gonna just be friends.
Naked friends.
- Hey. Do you have any ice? - Hey.
Check the freezer.
If there's none in there, we're probably
out.
Are you just getting home from work? It's
late.
Yeah, I know. I had the greatest day,
though.
I got to sit in on a meeting with the reps
from Calvin Klein.
I told my boss I liked this line of lingerie,
she ordered a ton of it.
How was your day?
I discovered I'm able to count all my teeth
using just my tongue.
Why do you have a copy of The Shining in
your freezer?
Oh. I was reading it last night and I got
第 2 页 共 6 页
-【73】-
Friends.S03E13
scared, so...
But, uh, you're safe from it if it's in the
freezer?
Well, safer.
I never start reading The Shining...
...without making sure we got plenty of
room in the freezer.
You know?
How often do you read it?
Haven't you ever read the same book over
and over again?
Well, um, I guess I read Little Women more
than once.
But that's a classic. What's so great about
The Shining?
The question should be, Rach, "What is not
so great about The Shining?"
Okay? And the answer would be, "Nothing."
All right?
This is, like, the scariest book ever.
I bet it's way better than that classic of
yours.
Okay.
Uh, well, we'll just see about that, okay?
I will read The Shining, and you will read
Little Women.
- All right, you got it. - All right?
- Okay. - Okay.
- Uh, now, Rach, these little women... -
Yeah.
How little are they?
I mean, are they, like, scary little?
- Um, Chandler, Ross? This is Robert. - Oh,
hey.
- Hi. - You have lipstick right here.
Huh. That's okay, it's mine.
We just kissed.
So isn't it a bit cold out for shorts?
Well, I'm from California.
Right, right. Sometimes you guys just burst
into flame.
I'm up. Ahem. I'm up. I've gotten up now.
Anybody, uh, want anything?
- I'll have coffee. - Yeah, me too.
- Yeah, make that three. - Okay. Ross, why
don't you come with me?

Okay. Ha, ha.
What is the matter with you? What's going
on?
Robert's coming out.
What do you mean? What, is he gay?
No, he...
He's coming out of his shorts.
What?
The man is showing brain.
Are you sure? Hold on.
Ahem. I'm sorry, you guys. That was a coffee
and a...
- Coffee. We could write it down. - Okay.
No, no. That won't be, uh... Won't be
necessary.
- Well? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What do we do? What do we do?
Well, I suppose we just try to not look
directly at it.
Like an eclipse.
When people compliment me on my cooking
tonight, what do I say?
Well, you say, "Thank you very much." And
then you buy me something pretty.
Come on, we're gonna put our hands in this
bowl...
...and we're gonna start squishing the
tomatoes.
Ooh, this feels very weird.
Heh. You touch people's eyeballs every day
and this feels weird?
Yeah, well, sure, I touch them.
But I spent years learning not to squish
them.
That's my hand.
- Okay. - Gotta keep squishing.
The tomatoes are squishing.
Oh, yeah. Oh.
Oh, gosh. You got some on your shirt.
- Yeah. - Hold on a second.
Okay, just put a little club soda on it.
Get to it right away.
It should, um, do...
...the trick.
What?
Um, you've got some on your pants.
第 3 页 共 6 页
-【74】-
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I'll just throw them out.
These little women.
You're liking it, huh?
Oh, yeah. Amy just burned Jo's manuscript.
I don't see how he could ever forgive her.
Um, Jo's a girl. It's short for Josephine.
But Jo's got a crush on Laurie.
You mean it's like a girl-girl thing?
Because that is the one thing missing from
The Shining.
No, actually, Laurie's a boy.
No wonder Rachel had to read this so many
times.
- Hey. - Hey.
Hey, how'd the, uh, basketball go?
Oh, okay. I learned how to shoot a lay-up,
a foul shot, and a 23-pointer.
You mean a 3-pointer?
Oh, I get more because I'm dainty.
So, um, is there a phone here I can check
my messages?
- Yeah, in the back. Do you want a quarter?
- Oh, no. I always carry one in my sock.
What are you doing? Get back over on your
side of the...
Hello.
- Hi. I'm Joey. We haven't met. - Hi.
- Uh, good to meet you. Robert. - Okay.
What?
What? You guys, what is going on?
Do you not like Robert?
Why are you laughing?
Calm down. No reason to get testy.
- You guys. Come on. - We're sorry.
It just seems that Robert isn't as
concealed in the shorts area...
...as, uh, one may have hoped.
How do you mean?
- Hey. - Hey.
Uh, Robert? Could you, uh, pass me those
cookies?
Sure.
So how'd the lasagna go over?
Really? Good. So you owe me three pretty
things.
Yeah. I've been thinking about you too.

Well, no. It's hard, this platonomy thing.
What...? It's a word.
Yeah. I do think it's better this way. Yeah,
we're being smart.
Yes, I'm sure.
You really sure?
I'll call you back.
So we can be friends who sleep together.
Absolutely. This'll just be something we
do.
Like racquetball.
Yeah. Sounds smart and healthy to me.
So, um, just out of, uh, curiosity...
...um, do you currently have any other
racquetball buddies?
Just your dad.
Although that's actually racquetball.
You know, I do have a blind date...
...with my sister's neighbor next Tuesday.
Do you want me to cancel it?
No.
- No. - Yeah.
Because if you did, that means you'd be
canceling for me.
- And we're just friends. - Exactly.
Hey.
Hey. Oh, don't sit down.
- Ready to go to the batting cage? - You
bet.
And first, here's a gift. Ha, ha.
- Hey. - Stretchy pants?
Well, those are the greatest things in the
world.
If I were you, I'd wear them every day,
every day.
Jeez, thank you. Really, that's so nice.
But, um, to be honest, I don't think I can
wear these.
They're so tight. I'd feel like I'm on
display.
I'm sorry.
That's all right. I'll figure...
- Hey. - How you doing?
- How's it going? - Good.
- Good. - Hey, Rach?
- How you doing with The Shining? - Uh,
第 4 页 共 6 页
-【75】-
Friends.S03E13
Danny just went into Room 217.
Ooh. The next part's the best. When that
dead lady in the bathtub...
No, no, no. Come on. You're gonna ruin it.
All right, I'll talk in code.
Remember when the kid sees those two blanks
in the hallway?
- Yeah, that's very cool. - Yeah.
Ooh. All blank and no blank makes blank a
blank-blank, right?
Oh, no, no. No, the end.
When Jack almost kills them all with that
blank...
...but then in the last second they get away.
Aw.
Joey, I can't believe you just did that.
I can't believe she cracked your code.
All right, okay. Laurie proposes to Jo and
she says no...
...even though she's still in love with him.
And then he ends up marrying Amy.
Hey.
Mine was by accident.
All right.
The boiler explodes and destroys the hotel
and kills the dad.
Beth dies.
Beth...? Beth dies?
Is that true? If I keep reading, is Beth
gonna die?
No, Beth doesn't die. She doesn't die. Does
she, Rachel?
- What? - Joey's asking if you've just
ruined...
...the first book he's ever loved that
didn't star Jack Nicholson.
No. She doesn't die.
Then why would you say that?
Because I wanted to hurt you.
Oh, there they are. I dropped my keys.
Got them.
Hi.
Sorry. I'm sorry.
You would not believe my day.
I had to work two shifts. And then to top
it off...

...I lost one of my fake boobs in a grill
fire.
What are you smiling at?
Sorry, I was just thinking your day could
still pick up.
Hello.
I love this friend thing.
Listen, Robert's gonna be here any
second...
...so could one of you just tell him?
Please, right now.
No, every time I see him, it's like, "Is
it on the loose? Is it watching me?"
We can't tell him.
You can't go up to a guy you barely know
and talk about his...
...stuff.
He's right. Even if it's to say something
complimentary.
- Hey. - Hey.
So you ready for the gym?
They've got this new rock-climbing wall.
We can spot each other.
Yeah, I can spot you from here.
What?
Okay. Listen, ahem, Robert...
- Hey, don't we have to? - Yeah, we got...
Yeah. Mm-hm.
I think you're really, really great.
Oh, God. Here we go again.
Why does this keep happening to me? Is it
something I'm putting out there?
Is this my fault? Or am I just nuts?
I don't know what to say.
Hey, buddy? This is a family place. Put the
mouse back in the house.
Really? Well, it's just like everyone
else's apartment.
It's got, uh, rooms and walls and ceilings.
I just wanted to see where you live. Now
give me the tour.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- Uh, this is the living room. - That's
nice.
All right.
- And this is the kitchen. - That's real
第 5 页 共 6 页
-【76】-
Friends.S03E13
pretty.
Wait a minute. Don't I get to see the
bedroom?
The bedroom. Well, it's pretty much your
typical...
...bedroom.
We're still on this side of the door. Ha,
ha.
Yeah, but I didn't get to see it.
Oh, shoot. Maybe next time. Thanks for a
lovely evening.
So, um, who is she?
Oh, ha, ha. That was the blind date I told
you about.
She called and switched it from Tuesday.
Did you like her?
And I'm just asking as a friend because I
am totally fine with this.
Well, you seem fine.
Okay, you know what? I'm not fine. I'm not.
I mean, how could I be fine? Hearing you
come in with her.
She wants to see your bedroom.
You know what?
What if we're friends...
...who don't see other people?
You mean like exclusive friends?
Why not?
I mean, this has been the most amazing week.
Would it be so terrible?
Even if we were friends who lived together?
Or maybe someday, friends who stood up in
front of their other friends...
...and vowed to be friends forever.
You know, we're back where we were.
Honey, I would love to do all that, but
nothing's changed.
That's not true. You don't have a mustache.
Okay. Okay, one thing's changed.
But we still want different things, and we
know how this is gonna end.
You know what?
I gotta walk out of here right now.
Because getting over you is the hardest
thing that I have ever had to do.
Um, I don't think I could do it again.
 Friends.S03E13
I know I couldn't.
Yeah.
So...
How about one last game of racquetball?
Hmm?
Watch the thorns.
What?
Beth is really, really sick.
Jo's there, but I don't think there's
anything she can do.
- Joey? - Yeah?
You wanna put the book in the freezer?
- Okay. - Okay.

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-【77】-

Friends.S03E14
# 'Cause every time I see your face #
# I can't help but fall from grace #
Wow. This girl's good.
Oh, yeah, a song with rhyming words. Ooh,
I never thought of that before.
I like her.
Why? Because she can sing and play
guitar...
...and do both at the same time?
Well, that's pretty much all I'm looking
for from these people.
Look at you, all jealous.
Yeah, Pheebs, come on. You two have
completely different styles.
You know, she's more... you know? And
you're more:
# Say you'll stay beside me. #
Okay. See? See? Everybody else is happy
she's done.
Okay, my next song's called:
"Phoebe Buffay, What Can I Say? I Really
Loved When We Were...
...Singing Partners and I Shouldn't Have
Left You That Way."
Oh, no. One of those
look-for-the-hidden-meaning songs.
# So no one told you life was gonna be this
way #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love
life's D.O.A. #
# It's like you're always stuck in second
gear #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# your week, your month, or even your year
# You know, I'm just very cold, hard,
# but I'll be there for you #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# I'll be there for you #
# Like I've been there before #
# I'll be there for you #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
Hey, Phoebe.
Hey, Leslie.
How'd you know I'd be here?
第 1 页 共 6 页
-【78】-
Friends.S03E14
I ran into Vlad at the place where they sell
the big fish...
...and he said you played here a lot, so...
All right. I have to go to the bathroom.
But if the place with the big fish comes
up again...
...I'd like to know whether that's several
big fish or just one big fish.
So Phoebe tells us you write jingles.
Actually, I said she abandoned me to write
jingles.
Uh, anything we might've heard of?
Uh, yeah, um...
# Home is never far away #
# Home is Homestar Stew #
Yeah, but I don't do that anymore. I got
kind of sick of it.
And then I couldn't come up with anything
good, so they fired me.
Hmm, bummer.
Well, you know, I was just...
Um, I was just thinking and just hoping
that...
...maybe you'd want to get back together?
No, but thanks.
Oh, come on, Phoebe. Would you just think
about it?
Okay.
No, but thanks.
Okay, uh...
See you, Pheebs.
Wow. That was kind of brutal.
Well, okay. Let this be a lesson to all of
you.
All right? Once you betray me, I become like
the Ice Woman.
unyielding.
You know, nothing, nothing can penetrate
this icy exterior.
Can I have a tissue, please?
Oh, yes.
Is someone in there?
No. This is just part of a daredevil game...
...that I play called "Wait Until the Last
Moment Before I Burst and Die."

Jeez, man. Did you fall...? Hi.
So, uh, did you? Did you fall high?
Someone was in the ladies' room. I couldn't
wait.
- I left the lid up for you, though. - Ha,
ha.
You know what, uh, Gunther? Go, uh... Go
ahead.
I'm talking to, uh...
This is the part where you say your name.
- Ginger. - Ginger. I'm talking to Ginger,
so...
- Don't you have to use the bathroom? - No.
No, I just, uh... I'd rather, uh, talk to
you.
Yes, I do.
Yes, I do have to go to the bathroom.
Someone in here.
- Where's Chandler? - He can't make it.
He said he had to go back to his, uh, job
to do, uh...
Joey?
Joey Tribbiani?
Joey, I can see you, okay?
You're hiding behind the coats.
Close one. Heh.
- Hi. - Hi, sweetie.
Hello.
Hey, Ross.
- I've got some bad news. - What?
I can get a quick bite, but I have to come
back here.
Come on, sweetie. You've worked late every
night for the past two weeks.
- What is it this time? - It's kind of my
fault. I quit today.
But work comes first.
Oh, hey. But that's sad about you, though.
What happened?
What happened? Burn out? Burn all out, did
you?
No, he's leaving for a better job.
Oh, well, that's great. So I guess this is,
uh, goodbye then.
Goodbye. Ha, ha.
- Okay, then. - Okay.
Friends.S03E14
Well, we're gonna miss you around here.
Yeah, me too.
- So see you on Saturday. - Yeah, you bet.
Now, you know those are a delicacy in India.
Yeah, that was Leslie calling again to see
if we can get back together.
It's like the 20th time today. Yeah, good
luck, Leslie.
Wow. She must've hurt you pretty bad, huh?
Well, yeah. You know, we were best
friends...
...ever since we were little. Our moms
worked on the barge together.
You two must've been so cute running around
on a barge.
You never run on a barge.
- Hey. - Hey.
Is, uh...? Is Chandler around?
No, um, he met some girl at the coffeehouse.
Yeah. Ginger something.
No.
No, no. Uh, are you sure it wasn't something
that sounded liked Ginger?
Like, uh, "Gingeer"?
No, it was Ginger.
I remember because when he told me, I said:
The movie star.
Oh, man.
That's the girl I was hiding from.
When she finds out he's my roommate, she'll
tell him what I did.
- What did you do? - Oh. Oh, no, no. I
can't...
I can't tell you that. It's like the most
awful, horrible thing...
- ...I've ever done in my whole life. - You
know what? Don't tell us.
We'll wait till Chandler gets home because
it'll be more fun.
All right.
Okay, it was, like, four years ago.
Okay, Ginger and I had gone out a few times.
Then one weekend...
...we went to her dad's cabin...
...just me, her and her annoying little dog,
Pepper. Heh.

第 2 页 共 6 页

-【79】-

Well, that night I cooked this really
romantic dinner...
You gave her food poisoning.
I wish. No.
After dinner, me, her and Pepper all fell
asleep in front of the fire.
Well, I woke up in the middle of the night
and I saw that the fire was dying out...
...so I picked up a log and threw it on.
Or at least what I thought was a log.
Oh, my God. You threw Pepper on the fire.
I wish.
See, I guess another thing I probably
should've told you about Ginger...
...is that she kind of has a, uh...
...artificial leg.
Oh, my God.
Joey. What did you do after you threw her
leg on the fire?
I ran.
Well, that's the best kiss I've had...
...with anybody I met in a men's room.
Actually, me too.
Oh. Foot in a puddle. Foot all in the
puddle.
Oh, damn. I hate that.
We're gonna have to get you out of those
shoes.
Oh, don't worry about it.
- No, really. You're gonna freeze. - No,
I'm not.
Huh. You're not? What do you got, a bionic
foot?
Someday. Maybe.
Funny book?
Hmm? Oh, no, no. I'm just thinking about
something funny I heard today.
Um, Mark saying, "I'll see you Saturday."
Yeah, at the lecture.
I told you that last week. You said you
didn't mind.
Oh, no, no, no. It's not the lecture, uh,
I mind. Um...
Oh, please tell me it's not because I'm
going with Mark.
- Well... - Oh, my God. Ross.
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-【80】-
Friends.S03E14
Well, I'm sorry, but... Look, if you're not
working with him anymore...
...why do you still have to do stuff with
him?
Because he's my friend.
Okay. But do you really need another friend?
I mean...
Okay. Well, if I stop playing with Joey and
Chandler, can I play with Mark?
Is that funny? Am I suppose to be laughing?
I don't know. You thought "See you
Saturday" was funny.
Look, honey, Mark is in fashion, okay?
I like having a friend that I can share this
stuff with.
You guys would never go to a lecture with
me.
I would love to go with you.
- Really? - Yeah.
Hey, I have clothes. I even pick them out.
I mean, for all you know, I could be a
fashion...
...monger.
Okay. Honey, I would love for you to go with
me.
What?
What should I wear? Now I'm all nervous.
You know, they say, "A watched pot never
beeps."
It's, you know, ahem... It's been a couple
hours...
...and she hasn't called.
Not that I even care. I don't.
Phoebe, why don't you just call her?
You obviously want to.
You think you know me so well.
- Well, don't you wanna? - Yeah.
- Okay, so I do know you. - That's what I
said.
- Well, so? - I can't.
I can't. She dumped me.
I mean, I totally trusted her, and then one
day it was like:
"Okay, bye, Pheebs." Gone.
You know what the saddest part is? When we
were playing together...

...that was like the most fun I've ever had
in, like, all my lives.
# My favorite shoes So good to me, I wear
them every day #
# Down at the heel, holes in the toes Don't
care what people say #
# My feet's best friend Pals to the end #
# With them, I'm one hot chickie #
# Though late one night Not much light #
# I stepped in something icky #
# Sticky shoes, sticky shoes #
# Always make me smile #
# Sticky shoes, sticky shoes Next time I'll
# Joey told you about the leg, huh?
# Avoid the #
# Pile #
We're beginning to see a lot of layering
of sheer fabrics and colors.
For instance, a sheer navy blouse over a
pink...
I'm really glad we came.
You're so pretty.
I love you.
# Smelly cat, smelly cat #
# What are they feeding you? #
# Smelly cat, smelly cat #
# It's not your fault #
Wow, that's great.
- Oh, yeah? - You know, you could totally
sell this.
It'd be perfect for, like, um, a
kitty-litter campaign.
A jingle? No, no, no.
Why not? You make a ton of money.
Okay, if I was in this for the money, I'd
be a millionaire by now, you know?
You gotta get out of that jingle-head,
sweetie.
Ugh. You're right. You're right. I'm sorry.
- That's okay. - Okay.
All right, I'm gonna play a song now that's
really, really sad.
- Okay. - Okay, it's called "Magician Box
Mix-Up."
Oversized bracelets, oversized
earrings...
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-【81】-
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...oversizing of accessories in general is
very popular now.
- Hi. - Hey.
Oh, can I borrow this? My milk's gone bad.
Oh, I hate that.
I once had a thing of half-and-half. Stole
my car.
So how was your date with Ginger?
Great. Ahem. It was great. She's, uh...
She's great. Great looking, great
personality. She's greatness.
Sounds like she's got the, uh...
...whole package.
Oh, God. It freaked me out. Okay? I know
it shouldn't have, but it did.
I like her. I don't wanna stop seeing her,
but every so often, it's like:
"Hey, you know what? Where's your leg?"
I mean, I'm the smallest person in the world,
aren't I?
I'm the smallest person in the world.
Morning.
Actually, he's the smallest person in the
world.
Heard about the leg-burning, huh?
It came up.
Ahem, listen, I, uh... I know it's a long
shot, but...
...by any chance, did she find that funny?
So I nodded off a little.
"Nodded off"? Ross, you were snoring.
My father's boat didn't make that much
noise when it hit rocks.
Come on. Forty-five minutes.
Forty-five minutes, the man talked about
strappy-backed dresses.
Well, okay, how about four hours in a
freezing museum auditorium...
...listening to Professor Pitstains and
his:
"Hey, everybody. Remember that thing
that's been dead for a gazillion years?
Well, here's a little bone we didn't know
it had."
First of all, it's Professor Pitain.

And second of all, that little bone proved
that...
...that particular dinosaur had wings but
didn't fly.
Okay, you know what I just heard?
You know what? A hundred million people
went to see a movie about what I do.
I wonder how many people would go see a
movie called Jurassic Parka.
Oh, that is so...
No, no, no. A bunch of out-of-control
jackets...
...take over an island.
You know, if what I do is so lame...
...then why did you insist on coming with
me this morning?
Huh? Was it so I just wouldn't go with Mark?
No.
I... I wanted to be with you.
I don't know. I feel like lately...
I feel like you're slipping away from me...
...with this new job and all these new
people.
And you've got this whole other life going
on.
I know it's dumb...
...but I just hate that I'm not a part of
it.
It's not dumb.
But maybe it's okay that you're not a part
of it.
You know what I mean?
I mean, it's like I like that you're not
involved in that part of my life.
That's a little clearer.
Honey, see, it doesn't mean that I don't
love you...
...because I do. I love you. I love you so
much.
But my work, it's for me, you know?
I'm out there on my own, and I'm doing it.
And it's scary, but I love it because it's
mine.
But I mean, is that okay?
Sure. Ha, ha.
You're thinking about my leg, aren't you?
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-【82】-
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No, no.
Actually, I forgot. What is the deal with
that again?
Look, it's okay if it bothers you.
I mean, the only thing I need to know is
how much it bothers you...
...because I don't like wasting my time.
Am I wasting my time?
- No. No, I don't think so. - Okay.
It's just like anything else. You just have
to get used to it.
What's that?
That's my nubbin.
What's a nubbin?
It's kind of a, uh... A third-nipple kind
of thing.
Do you have three nipples?
Well, you know, two regulars, ahem...
...and, uh, one that barely qualifies.
- Uh, what? - Nothing. I...
I just remembered. I have to leave.
You, uh...? You have to leave? Now? How
come?
Well, it's nubbin. Nothing.
Um, you know what? I'll see you later. Okay.
Oh. I thought you weren't coming.
- Where were you? - Come here. Come here.
Okay. Don't get mad, okay?
Okay, don't give me a reason to get mad,
okay?
I played "Smelly Cat" for the people at my
old ad agency. They went nuts.
No, look. I told you that I didn't want you
to try and sell it...
...and you just big fat did it anyway.
God. You know what? I think, five years
ago...
...I probably would have done anything to
play with you.
But I can do it by myself, right? And if
I can't trust you, then just forget it.
No. No. I don't wanna forget it.
Okay, you know what? You have to choose.
All right? If the most important thing on
the planet to you...
...is this cat-poopy thing, then, okay, you
 Friends.S03E14
can have "Smelly Cat."
But we won't be partners.
So what's it gonna be?
- Smelly cat, smelly cat - Odor in the
litter box?
Don't change your kitty. Change your kitty
litter.
# It's not your fault. #
- Sorry, Pheebs. - Yeah.
You okay?
Yeah. I actually am. Yeah.
Because, you know, life's gonna hand you
all kinds of stuff.
You know, you learn your little lessons and
hopefully you grow.
You wanna hear a new song?
- Yeah. - Oh, we'd love to.
Okay.
# Jingle bitch screwed me over #
# Go to hell, jingle whore #
# Go to hell, go to hell, go to hell #
That's all I have so far.
Well, hello.
- Where have you been? - The doctor.
- Is everything okay? - Oh, yes.
Just had me a little nubbin-ectomy.
Yep. Two nipples, no waiting.
Well. Just like Rachel in high school.
What?
Come on. Come on, I was kidding. It was such
an obvious joke.
That was an obvious joke.
And I didn't think of it. Why didn't I think
of it?
The source of all my powers.
Oh, dear God, what have I done?

第 6 页 共 6 页

-【83】-

Friends.S03E15
Hey, how much you give me to eat this whole
jar of olives?
I won't give you anything, but you'll owe
me 2.95.
Done.
Hi. I need an atlas. I need an atlas.
Why? Do you have a report due?
I have a date with this diplomat I met...
...while I was giving free massages outside
the U.N.
And I don't know where his country is.
Okay, let's start with the free massages
at the U.N.
Oh, it's my new thing. I figure, bodies at
peace make peace.
Wow. You might just get the first Nobel
Prize in rubbing.
So, what country is this guy from?
There's a G in there.
- Where's that? - In your atlas.
I don't have an atlas.
Oh, but wait, I do have a globe. Hold on.
So, Pheebs, what's this guy like?
Well, he's very...
...dashing, you know?
And, um, very, very sophisticated. And he
doesn't speak English...
...but according to his translator, he
totally gets me.
Okay, here you go.
What is this?
It's a globe.
And a pencil sharpener.
Hey, anybody need anything copied? I'm
going to the Xerox place.
Uh, no, thanks.
Okay, listen, just give me anything I can
make two of.
If you don't have anything to copy, why are
you going there?
Yeah, are you just going down there to gawk
at that hot girl...
...with the bellybutton ring again?
Yeah. You wanna come?
第 1 页 共 6 页
-【84】-
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Yeah.
# So no one told you life was gonna be this
way #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love
life's D.O.A. #
# It's like you're always stuck in second
gear #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# your week, your month, or even your year
#
# but I'll be there for you #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# I'll be there for you #
# Like I've been there before #
# I'll be there for you #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
Come on, Chloe. Finish up with your
customer first.
Come on, Chloe. Come on, Chloe.
Can I help you?
Uh, you know what?
We're having second thoughts about our, uh,
copying needs.
And, uh, we'll need a little more time to
think about it.
Chloe, switch with me. There are some guys
here who got a crush on you.
Okay, that hurt us.
Hi, guys. I haven't seen you since this
morning.
Well, uh...
You know.
Hey, what are you guys doing tomorrow
night?
Both of us?
Maybe. Does that scare you?
Relax. It's just Isaac's deejaying at The
Philly.
- You should come. - Oh. We'll be there.
Great. I'll, uh, see you then.
All right. Rock on.
He says that walking with you makes this
strange city feel like home.
Aw. Me too. Although this city is my home.
So that's dumb, what I said. Don't tell him
I said that.

Um, just... You make something up.
Nice. Thank you.
This is me. Here.
Your eyes are very pretty.
Thank you very much.
Oh, thank you.
He would like to kiss you.
Okay. You know what? You don't have to do
that now.
No, no, not him. No, you don't.
Okay. Well, the moment's over.
See, there it is right there.
Wow, it's small.
Yeah, but Sergei said it took the Germans
six weeks...
...to get all the way across it.
So you had fun, huh?
Yeah. Except for, you know, when you're on
a date...
...and you're getting along really
great...
...but the guy's translator keeps getting
in the way?
No.
- Hey. - Hey.
What, is, uh, Rach in her room?
Oh. No, she's still at work, but she told
me to tell you to call her.
Oh, what? Is she gonna cancel on me again?
How could she do this?
Doesn't she know it's our anniversary?
All right, uh, Ross, this is the extent of
my knowledge on the subject.
"Call Rachel."
What's that on the bottom?
Oh. That's my doodle of a ladybug with a
top hat. Ha, ha.
She's fancy.
- Hello? - Hey, honey.
- Oh, hi. - Hey. What's going on?
Well, there was a disaster in shipping and
I've gotta get this order in.
Honey, I'm so sorry, but it looks like I'm
gonna be here all night.
What? Well, um, how about I come up there?
No, no, no, honey, please. I just have too
第 2 页 共 6 页
-【85】-
Friends.S03E15
much to deal with.
Anyway, I'm going out with Sergei again
tonight, and, um...
Could you come and be the translator's
date?
So that when we... You know, it's time for
our alone time, you two can split off?
You know, he's kind of cute.
"Kind of cute" like, "really kind of cute"?
Or "kind of cute" like your friend
Spackle-Back Larry?
Hey, don't call him that.
His name is Spackle-Back Harry.
Hey, you know what? Maybe we should get
going.
I mean, what time did Chloe say to get
there?
- Uh, 10:30. - What time is it now?
Four-thirty.
- Yeah, all right. So we'll hang out. -
Yeah.
Hey, remember when she brought up that
thing about the three of us?
Yes, vividly.
- She was kidding about that, right? - Yeah,
I think so.
Yeah, I think so.
God, it'd be weird if that situation
presented itself tonight, huh?
Yeah. Yeah, I mean, uh...
...what would we do?
Ha, ha. Dude, I don't know. Ha-ha-ha.
- She was kidding. - Yeah.
She was...
Just in case, we should come up with a set
of ground rules.
Yeah. For sure.
Okay. You probably want the first one to
be:
"Never open your eyes."
You know? Because you don't want to be doing
something...
...and then look up, right?
And see something that you don't want to
be seeing.
Yeah. Good call. Nice.

Hold it. Hold it.
What if my eyes are closed, and...
And my hand is out there...
Aah! Okay, eyes open at all times.
Oh, hey.
How do we decide where we, ahem...
...you know, each would, ahem, you know...
- ...be? - Right. Right.
Well, you know, we could flip for it.
I guess. But, like, what's heads and what's
tails?
Well, if you don't know that, then I don't
want to do this with you.
No, no, no. I am looking at a purchase order
right here...
...and it clearly states that we ordered
the Riviera bikini...
...in a variety of sizes and colors and...
What does it matter what I'm wearing?
Could I please speak to your supervisor?
Thank you. We're holding.
Hi.
My God. What are you doing here?
Well, you said you couldn't go out, so...
You brought a picnic. Ugh. What a
boyfriend.
That's it. On Monday, I start wearing
makeup.
Ross, honey, this is very nice, but I've
got a crisis.
Yeah, but I've got couscous.
Honey. Honey, I'm sorry. I know it's our
anniversary...
...but I told you on the phone I don't have
time to stop.
Okay, you don't have to stop. I'm invisible.
I'm not here.
Yeah, but I don't...
Who approved that order?
Well, there is no Mark Robinson in this
office.
- Get me Mark on the phone. - Ugh. I love
Mark. Do you know Mark?
- Yeah. - Let me check that with what I've
got here.
All right, see, 038 is not the number for
第 3 页 共 6 页
-【86】-
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this store. Zero-three-eight is Atlanta.
Heh. Pepper?
- None for me. - Okay, sorry. Whoo.
I'm sorry. As I was saying, the store number
is wrong.
And I'm sorry, but... Oh, my God!
Okay. It's fine.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Excuse me, I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to call
you back.
I've got Shemp in my office.
- What are you doing? - I'm sorry.
But, um, hey, oh, somebody's off the phone.
How about a glass of wine by the fire? I
can get it going again...
Ross, you're not listening. I don't have
time to stop.
- Come on, you don't have 10 minutes? - I
don't have 10 minutes.
- Sophie, does she have 10 minutes? - Hey,
Ross. I told you, I don't.
Don't yell at me, okay? This is the most
I've seen you all week.
Look, I cannot do this right now, okay? I've
got a deadline.
Would you just go home? I'll talk to you
later.
- Yeah, but wait... - Goodbye.
Uh, actually, that's our three-hole punch.
- Hey. - Hi.
Look, um, about what happened earlier...
Whoa. I completely understand. You were
stressed.
I was gonna give you a chance to apologize
to me.
For what? For letting you throw me out of
your office?
You had no right coming down to my office,
Ross.
You do not bring a picnic basket to
somebody's work...
...unless maybe they were a park ranger.
Yeah, well, excuse me for wanting to be with
my girlfriend on our anniversary.
Boy, what an ass am I.
But I told you I didn't have the time.

Yeah, well, you never have the time.
I mean, I don't feel like I have a
girlfriend anymore.
Ross, what do you want from me?
You want me to quit my job so you can feel
like you have a girlfriend?
No. But it would nice if you'd realize that
it's just a job.
Just a job?
Yes.
Ross, do you realize this is the first time
in my life I'm doing something I care about?
This is the first time in my life I'm doing
something I'm actually good at?
I mean, if you don't get that...
No, hey, I get that. Okay? I get that and
I'm happy for you.
I'm tired of having a relationship with
your answering machine.
- I don't know what to do anymore. - Well,
neither do I.
Is this about Mark?
- Oh, my God. - Okay, it's not.
Oh, my God.
I cannot keep having this same fight over
and over again, Ross.
No, you're making this too hard.
I'm making this too hard? What do you want
me to do?
I don't know. I don't know.
Look, ugh, maybe we should just take a
break.
Okay, okay. Fine. You're right.
Let's, uh... Let's take a break. Let's cool
off, okay?
Let's get some frozen yogurt or something.
No.
A break from us.
And the advances in collating in the past
five years.
I mean, we just got in an X-5000, you know?
The X-5000 makes an X-50 look like a T-71.
Hey, it's the dinosaur guy.
- Hi, Ross. - Oh, hi, Chloe.
I want you to meet some friends of mine.
This guy's my hero. He comes in with some
第 4 页 共 6 页
-【87】-
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stuff...
...he wants it blown up 400 percent.
We say we don't do that. He says, "You
gotta."
And you know what? We did it.
And now any time anybody wants 400, we just
say, "Let's Ross it."
And that's the only color that comes in.
Yo, Chloe. Do you have a quarter for the
condom machine?
So, what are you doing here?
I thought tonight was your big anniversary
dinner.
Yeah, a little change of plans.
Uh, we're gonna break up instead.
Oh, and I can also speak a little French.
Why? What did I say?
Well, you just asked if I wanted to go to
bed with you tonight.
Oh, my God.
No wonder I get such great service at Cafe
Maurice.
Knock, knock, knock.
Hi. Um, could you please tell Sergei that,
um, I was fascinated...
...by what Boutros Boutros-Ghali said in
the New York Times?
You didn't say, "Boutros Boutros-Ghali."
Boutros Boutros-Ghali.
He says he was too.
Interesting.
Uh, so I was wondering...
Before you get all talky again...
...um, could you also please tell Sergei...
...that I really like his suit.
Uh, he said, "Thank you very much. You look
very pretty tonight.
Your hair, golden like the sun." So you're
a chef?
I'm also thinking of opening up my own
restaurant.
- Oh, really? - Monica...
...could I talk to you behind my menu,
please?
- What are you doing? - Well, I was having
a conversation.

Yeah, but Mischa's so interested in you...
...that Sergei and I haven't been able to
say two words to each other.
What do you want me to do? Sit here while
the three of you have a conversation?
That would be great. Thank you.
- Hello? - Oh, hi. It's Mark.
What? Is it my breath?
No. Sorry. I just thought you were somebody
else. Hi.
Hi, well, look, I was just gonna leave a
message.
Isn't tonight your anniversary dinner?
Rach? Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
You wanna talk? I mean, I can come over.
No, really, no. Please. That's okay.
All right. I'm coming over and I'm bringing
Chinese food.
- Oh, yeah, I'm not hungry. - It's for me.
Okay. Bye.
- So, what'll you do? - What can I do?
One person wants to break up, you break up.
Hey, no way. Come on, this is you guys. Call
her and work it out.
Come on. We just had this huge fight. Don't
I have to wait a while?
Hey, this isn't like swimming after you eat.
Pick up your phone.
You know that whole swimming thing is a
myth.
Yeah, tell that to my Uncle Lenny.
Why? What happened to him?
Nothing. He just really believes in that.
Ugh. And then we got into this big, stupid
fight... It was awful.
I told him he treats me like a park ranger,
something, ugh...
And then...
...I told him I wanted to take a break.
I don't want to take a break.
Well, I'm sorry.
- Egg roll? - No.
And then I called him, and he wasn't there.
He's probably just out.
Oh, thank you. That's very helpful. I'm
第 5 页 共 6 页
-【88】-
Friends.S03E15
glad you came over.
- Hello? - Hi, it's me.
- Hi. Oh, I'm so glad you called. - Really?
I've been thinking this is crazy. Don't you
think we can work on this?
Hey, what do you want to drink?
Who's that?
Nobody?
Is it okay if I finish the apple juice?
Is that Mark?
- Ooh, honey, look, he just came over...
- Yeah, got it.
Hey, Dinosaur Guy. Look at you, so sad.
- Come dance. - Uh, that's okay. Thanks.
Hey.
You don't have to smile. You just have to
dance.
Look, I don't feel like dancing. I feel like
having a drink, okay?
Oh, okay. Hey, two beers.
And the vet said it was time.
And so from half-a-world away...
...while my mother held the phone to his
ear...
...I said goodbye to my dog...
...in seven languages.
- Could I have a tissue? - Oh, yeah, sure.
I just hope you don't accidentally suck it
up through your nose...
...and choke on it.
Ugh. Sergei would like to apologize for my
behavior tonight.
Well, tell him, "Apology accepted."
He's unbelievable. For the first time in
three years, someone wants to talk to me.
But do you think he would let me enjoy that?
No.
You silly diplomat. Why don't you learn
some English, Sergei?
Excuse me, but, um, ahem, isn't he paying
for your dinner?
Hey, the man's dog just died.
I have just resigned my post.
Would you care to accompany me to the
Rainbow Room?
I have diplomatic coupons.
 Friends.S03E15
It would be my pleasure.
My guy has coupons.
Your guy can't even say "coupons."
Uh, plate.
- Plate. Yes. Plate. Plate. - Plate. Plate.
Plate.
See, we don't need them.
Plate?
Yeah.
# Sleight of hand And twist of fate #
# On a bed of nails She makes me wait #
I like this song.
Well, you're practically dancing already.
- Why don't you just do it over here? - Oh,
no.
What are you, married?
Because that's okay.
Oh, be home, be home, be home...
Be home, be home, be home.
You're not home.
# With or without you #
Still no smile?
# And you give yourself away #
# And you give #
# And you give yourself away #
American.
- American. - American.
American. You know, it's a very hard
language.
Let's do it again.

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-【89】-

Friends.S03E16
- Previously on Friends: - I don't feel like
I have a girlfriend.
You want me to quit my job so you can feel
like you have a girlfriend?
- Is this about Mark? - Oh, my God.
- Okay, it's not. - Oh, my God.
I cannot keep having this fight with you!
Look, ugh, maybe we should just take a
break.
Fine. You're right. Let's, uh, take a
break.
- Let's get some frozen yogurt. - No.
A break from us.
Then we had this big fight, and I said I
wanted to take a break.
I don't want to take a break.
This is crazy.
Can't we work on this?
What do you want to drink?
Who's that?
Nobody.
- Is that Mark? - Honey, look, he just...
Yeah. Got it!
Hey, come dance. What are you, married?
Because that's okay.
- Hey. - Hey.
How was the big anniversary dinner?
Well, we never actually got to dinner.
Ha, ha, oh. Nice.
We kind of broke up instead.
What? Aah!
My God! It's on the ceiling!
That's okay.
This is more important than fruit...
...on my ceiling.
You broke up?
Yeah, but it's okay because when Ross left,
Mark came over.
- Oh, no! You and Mark? - No, it's okay.
Calm down.
Mark and I talked...
...and I realized how much I love your
stupid brother.
We got our problems, but I really wanna make
第 1 页 共 6 页
-【90】-
Friends.S03E16
it work.
Morning!
# So no one told you life was gonna be this
way #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love
life's D.O.A. #
# It's like you're always stuck in second
gear #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# your week, your month, or even your year
#
# but I'll be there for you #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# I'll be there for you #
# Like I've been there before #
# I'll be there for you #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
Hi, it's me.
I've been trying to reach you all night.
I feel awful.
Please, Ross, you've got to know, there's
nothing between me and Mark.
This whole breakup thing is just stupid.
Ugh, I'm sorry I put you through it.
And I don't want to get back together over
a machine.
So I love you.
I love you.
And you know what? I'm gonna go to bed
now...
...but on my way to work tomorrow, I'll stop
by around 8:30. Bye.
Chloe, how's it coming?
What kind of puppy do you think I should
get?
Um, oh, hey. I don't know. How about a big
one?
- But my apartment's so... - Then a small
one.
- We have to go. - Wait! Where's my shoes?
You need shoes?
- Do I know why we're rushing? - You know
my girlfriend?
It turns out that she, uh, wants to get back
together.
I found it!
 Friends.S03E16
That's so great for you guys! ...is what is she gonna do when I tell her
You must be so happy! what I did?
Yes, I am. One of the many things I'm First, we should address the more important
feeling. question...
- Good luck with your girlfriend. - Oh, ...how dumb are you?
thank you. Ah, eh. What? Look, we're trying to rebuild a
Rachel! relationship here, right?
- You got my message? - You are right on How am I supposed to do that without being
time! honest?
So can I be your girlfriend again? I'm on board about the total-honesty thing.
Yes, you can. Very much. I am.
- Hey. - Hey. Just not about stuff that's gonna get you
- Why are you mopping your ceiling? - Ugh, in trouble.
there's banana on it. He's right. Nobody benefits, and you'll
I have the spirit of an old Indian woman just hurt her.
living in mine. And there won't be a relationship left to
So then you know. rebuild.
The mailman was here, so I brought your Don't you think...?
mail. If you have to tell her, at least wait till
- Oh, good. Thanks. - Now, what is Fabutech? the timing's right.
Okay. Don't judge me too much, okay? And that's what deathbeds are for.
I saw this infomercial, and, um, I swear - Yeah, okay. - All right.
I have never... Okay. Now, we just have to make sure she
...bought anything on TV before. doesn't find out some other way.
Except for this mop. Did you think about the trail?
But there was this stuff on leg-waxing, it What trail?
looked amazing. From the woman you did it with...
- Waxine! - Yes! Have you seen it? ...to the woman you hope never finds out
It's incredible! I want to be a Waxine Girl! you did it!
I know! Always think about the trail!
God! Do you think it really doesn't hurt? I don't think there's any trail.
How can they do that? Okay, okay.
Hello! Organic substances recently Chloe works with that guy, Isaac.
discovered in the rain forest? Isaac's sister is Jasmine, who works at the
They have the best stuff in there. massage place with Phoebe.
Oh, my God! Phoebe is Rachel's friend, and that's the
Oh, my God! trail! I did it!
We figured when we couldn't find you, you'd "After applying the Waxine and linen strips
gone to make up with Rachel. to leg..."
Which is probably what you should have done, - Did that! - Okay.
huh? Heh. "Grasp the linen strip by its tab...
You think? ...and pull it off in one quick...
God, I'm in hell. I mean, what am I gonna ...pain-free motion." - Okay.
do? Was it not "pain-free"?
Rachel's all "I love you," and all I can No, it was pain-ful!
think about... My God, they should call it "Pain-zine, now

第 2 页 共 6 页

-【91】-
 Friends.S03E16
with a little wax." I can promise not to tell her again.
The girls on the commercial don't seem to Jasmine?
think it's that bad. We met at Phoebe's birthday party. I'm Ross
Because their nerves are deadened from Geller.
being so stupid. You did a bad thing!
But, you know, if you don't believe me, - Yes, I did. - Very bad!
please be my guest. - Very bad. - Very, very bad!
Ow, ow, ow! Oh, my God! I'm agreeing with you.
Now are you glad we didn't start with the Listen, did you happen to tell Phoebe yet?
bikini strips? - No. - Okay. Jasmine.
Chloe, hi. Please. Please don't.
Is this about me taking your watch? I love my girlfriend very much and I want
- You took my watch? - I'm sorry. I do that. to work it out with her.
You keep it. Listen, did you tell anyone All right.
about us? Thank you. Thank you.
Oh, no. I feel like it really isn't But you should talk to my roommate. I told
anybody's business. him, and he knows Phoebe too.
Exactly. So you didn't mention anything to Who's your roommate?
Isaac? Gunther! Gunther!
- Oh, I tell Isaac everything. - You do? Tell me you didn't tell Rachel about me and
Of course you do. the girl from the copy place.
Hi, Isaac. You know, we haven't actually I'm sorry.
met. Was I not supposed to?
You dog! - We're all right. - It's okay. It's okay.
Yes, I suppose I am a dog. But see, I happen - Ooh! We were just waxing our legs. - Off?
to have a girlfriend. For your information, this is a pain like
Right. Rachel from the coffee place. no man will ever experience.
That's the one. Listen, I don't want to hurt You can't make that statement unless you've
her. been kicked in an area...
Oh, hey, man, I know. It doesn't matter how ...that God only meant to be treated
much we love them. nicely.
Monogamy is too cruel a rule. Women just have a lower threshold for pain
Yeah. Listen, can you keep this information than men, that's all.
to yourself? I mean, come on, it's just a little wax.
Oh, no problem. We gotta look out for each Heh.
other. Oh, yeah? Come here.
We're the same, you and me. Oh, that's mature.
Actually, no, we're not. Heh. So now I just pull it off?
Yeah, we are. That's right.
No, we're not. Rachel, come on. Just talk to me. Please!
Yeah, we are. - I can't look at you right now. - What?
No, we're not. Nothing. Nothing.
- Okay, we're not. - Right. - She said it was okay. - What are they
But we are. talking about?
Fine. I just need to know that you're not - Just get away from me! - I made a mistake,
gonna tell your sister. okay?

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-【92】-

A mistake? What were you trying to put it
in? Her purse?
Whe...? Where did he put it?
You had sex with another woman!
Oh, my God!
I knew something was wrong because my nails
didn't grow at all yesterday.
I guess they had a fight, and he got
drunk...
You guys knew about this and didn't tell
us?
He has sex, and we get hit in our heads!
- I want you to leave! Get out! Now! - No!
No!
I want to stay and talk about this.
Okay! All right. How was she?
- What? - Was she good?
Don't answer that.
You said you wanted to talk about it. Let's
talk. How was she?
- She was... - Awful.
- She was not good. - Horrible. Nothing
compared to you.
She... She was different.
Good different?
Nobody likes change.
- Just stop! - What? Okay! Okay! Okay!
Should we do something?
Yeah. Never cheat on Rachel.
I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I was disgusted
with myself...
...and this morning I was upset...
...and then I got your message, and I was
so happy.
And all I wanted was to get her out of my
apartment...
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Wait a minute.
What time did your little friend leave?
Oh, my God. She was there? She was still
there?
She was in there when I was in there?
Listen, the important thing is, she meant
nothing to me.
And yet she was worth jeopardizing our
relationship!
I didn't think there was a relationship.
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-【93】-
Friends.S03E16
- We'd broken up. - We were on a break.
That, for all I knew, could last forever.
That is a breakup.
You're gonna get out of this on a
technicality?
I'm not trying to "get out" of anything.
I thought our relationship was dead.
Well, you sure had a hell of a time at the
wake.
I don't think we should listen to this
anymore.
What are you doing? We can't go out.
Why not? I'm hungry.
Because they'll know we've been listening.
God! And to have to hear about it from
Gunther!
Come on, I ran all over the place trying
to make sure that didn't happen!
Oh, that is so sweet.
I think I'm falling in love with you all
over again.
We can go out. They have other things to
worry about.
We'll be fine.
Rachel, I wanted to tell you. I thought I
should.
And then Chandler and Joey convinced me not
to!
Wax the door shut. We're never leaving.
It's Phoebe. Someone has to take my 9:00
with Mr. Rehak...
...because it's 9: 15 now, and I'm not
there.
None of this would've happened if I didn't
think...
...you were having sex with Mark.
All right.
Let's say I had slept with Mark. Would you
have been able to forgive me?
Yes, I would.
You'd be okay if Mark had kissed me and been
naked with me...
...and made love to me?
Yes.
If you knew that our hot, sweaty, writhing
bodies were...
 Friends.S03E16
Okay. Okay, yeah. I would have been I thought I'd lost you.
devastated... How insane must I have been to do something
...but I would still want to be with you. like this?
Because, I mean, it's you. I don't cheat, right? That's not me. I'm
What? not Joey!
Come on, tell me what you're thinking. Yeah, okay.
I'm thinking... Hey.
...I'm gonna order a pizza. It's 3 a.m. They don't know that I've come
Order a pizza, like... home yet.
..."I forgive you"? You notice how they aren't wondering where
Oh, man! I am?
Pizza? You know, people can be so self-involved.
I like pizza. You know what? I'm not the one that wanted
Put olives on the pizza. that break.
We could eat the wax! It's organic! You're the one that bailed. You're the
Oh, great. Food with hair on it. one...
No, not the used wax. ...that ran the moment things got rough.
Because that would be crazy? - That's... - That's what?
Could I get in on that? Because I'm kind - That is neither here nor there. - Here
of hungry myself. we are...
Fine. ...in a spot again. What do you want?
Yes, I'd like to order a large pizza. How do you want to handle it? You want to
- No anchovies. - With, uh, extra fight for us or bail?
anchovies. Look, I...
That's okay. I'll pick them off. I did a terrible, stupid, stupid thing,
And could you chop some up and put it right okay?
in the sauce? I'm sorry. I wish I could take it back, but
You can have the last piece if you want. I can't.
Well, I should think so. You slept with I just can't see us throwing away something
someone. we know is so damn good.
They're gonna get through this, aren't I love you so much.
they? No, Ross! Don't!
Yeah. Come on, it's Ross and Rachel. You can't just kiss me and make it all go
They've got to. away.
What if they don't? It doesn't work that way. It doesn't just
You think I need a new walk? make it better.
What? - Okay? - Okay, okay.
Well, I've been walking the same way since I think you should go.
high school. What?
You know how some guys walk into a room and I really think you need to go now.
everybody takes notice? Okay. Okay.
I think I need a take-notice walk. This morning you said there was nothing we
Are you actually saying these words? couldn't work past it.
What, now you're not even talking to me? What the hell did I know?
Look, Rachel, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was There's got to be a way we can work past
out of my mind. this. Okay?

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-【94】-
 Friends.S03E16
I can't imagine my life without you.
You know? Without...
Without these arms...
...and your face and heart...
...your good heart, Rach, and...
No.
I can't. You're a totally different person
to me now.
I used to think of you as somebody that
would never, ever hurt me.
Ever.
Now I can't stop picturing you with her.
I can't. It doesn't matter what you say or
what you do.
It's just changed everything.
Forever.
This can't be it.
Then how come it is?
They've been quiet for a long time.
Maybe she killed him.
Let's go.
Is that your new walk?
No. I really have to pee.

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-【95】-

Friends.S03E17
Can I see the comics?
This is the New York Times.
Okay, may I see the comics?
I thought you were taking Ross to the game.
We are. He's meeting us here.
No, Rachel's meeting us here.
Come on. They can be in the same room.
- You should've been there last night. -
What happened?
Ross was hanging out at our place.
Rachel comes to borrow moisturizer from
Chandler...
How hard is it to say "something"?
Rachel came over to borrow "something."
Anyway, her and Ross just started yelling
at each other.
Why was he yelling at her? He slept with
someone else.
He says they were on a break when it
happened...
...so she should've forgiven him by now.
He is so unreasonable. God.
Although I understand what he means.
Oh, my God. This is like 60 Minutes...
...when at first you're mad at that
pharmaceutical company...
...for making the drug.
And then, you just feel bad for the people
because...
...they needed to make their hair grow.
You know, this is like when my parents got
divorced.
I hope Ross doesn't try to kidnap me after
Cub Scouts.
I dreamed that Ross and Rachel were still
together.
And we were all hanging out and happy.
I had the same dream.
- And nobody slept with the Xerox girl. -
Oh, I had the opposite dream.
Maybe it's gonna be okay. I mean, it's been
a week.
It never takes me more than a week to get
over a relationship.
第 1 页 共 6 页
-【96】-
Friends.S03E17
It never takes you more than a shower to
get over a relationship.
Let's go. Let's hit the road. Let's get the
show on it.
Let me get coffee.
I know the best coffeehouse. And it's
close.
Closer than here?
Oh, look. I found coffee.
Okay, let's skedaddle.
I'm not gonna drink somebody's old coffee.
Okay, Your Highness.
"Rachel, I'm really sorry." "Okay, Ross.
Wanna get back together?"
"Yeah, okay."
Did anyone else hear that?
# So no one told you life was gonna be this
way #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love
life's D.O.A. #
# It's like you're always stuck in second
gear #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# your week, your month, or even your year
#
# but I'll be there for you #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# I'll be there for you #
# Like I've been there before #
# I'll be there for you #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
- Is he here? - No.
Here's your moisturizer.
You guys are gonna love me. Okay, check it
out.
Thursday night, five tickets.
Calvin Klein lingerie show, and you guys
are coming with me.
I said that out loud, right?
Yes, it's just that we kind of already...
...made plans with Ross.
Oh. Well, okay.
Well, there you go.
It's just, he got this new home-theater
dealy...
...and he wants us to check it out.

He's excited about it too.
He even recorded showtimes on his answering
machine.
- We're sorry, honey. - Oh, it's okay.
Rach, it's not that we don't want to.
Really.
Are we talking models in their underwear?
And heels.
Ross did ask us first, and we set that night
aside.
Come on. If he asked you first, it's only
fair.
Oh, boy, do I feel bad.
Very bad.
- Chandler, what are you doing? - Chandler.
Oh, my God.
You're smoking again?
Well, actually, yesterday I was smoking
again.
Today I'm smoking, still.
Why would you start again after chewing all
that quitting gum?
This is just like my parents' divorce...
...which is when I first started smoking.
Weren't you 9?
Yeah.
I'm telling you something, that first smoke
after naptime...
That's great. With my luck, that's him.
Him? Ross?
No, "Hymn" 253: "His Eyes Are on the
Sparrow."
When my parents got divorced, I started
using humor as a defense mechanism.
Hi. Uh, do you guys have weekend plans?
Because my sister says we can spend the
weekend at her cabin, skiing.
I'm asking you first, right? I'm playing
by the rules.
Absolutely.
Chandler. You're smoking? What are you
doing?
Shut up. You're not my real mom.
Could you close that window? My nipples
could cut glass.
Really? Because mine get me out of tickets.
第 2 页 共 6 页
-【97】-
Friends.S03E17
Look, I just wanna say I really appreciate
you spending time with me.
It's been a hard time right now, so I just
want to say thanks.
Somebody else hug him. I have to stay by
the window.
How about this weekend, we have a
laser-disc marathon, okay?
And maybe a tournament on my new...
...dart board. What do you think?
Two days of darts. It'll be great.
It'll be great for next weekend.
This weekend, guys.
It'll be great for next weekend.
I mean, "lt'll be great."
What's going on?
We're, um, sort of invited to go skiing.
You know, Rachel's sister's cabin?
So, for the whole weekend?
We're really sorry, but she did ask us
first.
That's okay. If you all have to go away...
...for the first weekend I'm alone by
myself...
...then I totally understand.
I can stay. I'm gonna stay.
The last time I went, I was afraid to leave
the chair lift.
I just went round and round.
We need you to drive us there in your
grandmother's cab.
- But you know what? I'll stay. - No, I'll
stay. He's my brother.
- What, a "pity stay"? - No.
We're gonna have fun.
We can make fudge.
Pity food?
You know what? I don't need any of you to
stay.
Nobody stays.
Well, then I might as well offer to stay.
Does anybody else feel bad about Ross?
You think he's still mad?
He's probably more mad since you called him
to borrow his goggles.
What? Mine aren't tinted.

Chandler.
What?
What does the sign say?
"Beam me up, Jesus."
The "No Smoking" sign.
There's no smoking in my grandmother's cab.
Well, then I have to go to the bathroom.
Oh, please.
No unscheduled stops. You can go when we
stop for gas.
There's a rest stop right up there. Come
on, I really have to go.
Oh, now I have to go.
Here we go.
- Brace yourself. - What?
Okay. Ow.
- Aren't you gonna go? - No, thanks.
Rachel never pees in public restrooms.
They never have any paper in there.
So my rule is, "No tissue, no tushy."
Well, if everybody's going...
Don't close it. The keys are in there.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
- What's going on? - My lighter's in there.
Damn. The tailpipe's not hot enough to
light this.
I can open this. Anybody got a coat hanger?
Oh, I do.
No, I took it out of my shirt when I put
it on this morning.
So if your parents hadn't divorced...
...you'd be able to answer a question like
a normal person?
Look, I just need a wire something to jimmy
it.
One of you give me your bra underwire.
What?
Come on. Who has the biggest boobs?
Whoever has the biggest boobs, has the
biggest bra and wire.
- No. - It's too expensive.
To get back in the car, we need that wire.
Your call.
Monica's are the biggest.
These tiny little non-breasts? Please.
It's gotta be Rachel.
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-【98】-
Friends.S03E17
No, mine are deceptively small.
I mean, I actually sometimes stuff my bra.
Well, then your bra would still be big.
No, I stuff outside the bra.
Ladies, let's just compromise, okay?
Phoebe, Rachel, take off Monica's bra.
All right, forget it, never mind.
- You can have mine. - Thank you.
Chandler. What are you doing? There's a
trash can right there.
I thought if I littered, that crying Indian
might come by and save us.
There.
Thank you, Phoebe. That's very, very
generous.
Now, let's decide who has the nicest ass.
And there you go.
Chandler.
Well, at least let me smoke it to the good
part.
Oh, no.
- What's going on? - What?
Yeah, this has happened before.
- So you know how to fix it? - Yep. Put more
gas in.
Hi. What are you doing here?
I was wondering, when you and I split up...
...did you get the tape that was half the
last episode of M.A.S. H...
...and half the hostages coming home?
But now it's Susan and me in Mexico and the
hostages coming home.
Where's Ben?
He's sleeping.
Is this a bad time?
Yeah, actually. Susan's gonna be here any
minute.
It's kind of an anniversary.
I thought you guys got married in January.
A different kind of anniversary.
So anyway...
Candles, champagne...
Yeah, anniversaries are great...
...because love lasts forever, you know?
There's nothing like it in this life. Money
in the bank.

So Rachel and I broke up.
God, Ross, I am so sorry.
You know what?
I wanna talk about this so much...
...but when we can really get into it.
- You free for dinner tomorrow? - I'd love
that.
Me too.
I guess it all started when Rachel got this
new job.
Triple A can pick us up.
What town are we near?
Freemont. Westmont.
Uh, Westberg?
Why are you answering?
Do you know what route we're on?
We are definitely on Route 27.
We are at a rest stop on Route 27...
There is no Route 27.
- Either 93 or 76. - I don't know.
I always slept in the back when we drove
here.
Can you just send someone up and down 76
and check every rest stop?
And also 93?
Okay.
No, they don't do that.
Somebody will come and save us.
Who? Have you seen a car in the last hour
and a half?
We should call Ross. Maybe he can get a car
to get us.
I am not getting in a car with Ross.
We will just have to...
...live here.
- But it's so cold. - No.
I won't get in a car with him. Think of
something else.
Joey and Chandler are back.
So the going-for-help went well?
Smokey Joe here got halfway to the highway
and collapsed.
I have the lung capacity of a 2-year-old.
Then why are you smoking?
It's very unsettling.
Right? I mean, it's pretty unbelievable.
第 4 页 共 6 页
-【99】-
Friends.S03E17
They just took off without even looking
back.
I don't need them. I've got you guys now
as friends.
You and Susan.
Susan will be so pleased.
Where's 717?
You have more of these for Susan, right?
No, but that's okay.
I'll just put out pickles or something.
- Ross, thank God. - Pheebs?
Why are you whispering?
I ate a bug.
Hey, Rach. The tampons here are only a
penny.
Let's stock up.
We're out of gas and don't know where we
are, so we can't get a tow truck.
- Oh. Now you want a favor? - Yes, please.
I'm sorry your car broke down, Pheebs...
...but I'm too busy with some of my real
friends right now.
But please call to let me know you got home
safely.
Phoebe, hang on a second.
Take my car. Get your friends.
No, I won't pick them up.
We both know you'll do it because you're
not a jerk.
So you can sulk here for half an hour, then
go get them...
...or save time and sulk in the car. -
Rachel doesn't...
I'm sorry Rachel dumped you for Mark...
...and you're the innocent victim in this.
But don't punish your friends for what
Rachel did.
Yeah, you're right.
Phoebe, hang on. Ross wants to say
something.
What? You slept with someone else?
We were on a break.
We were... Yeah.
Where are you? I'll find you.
You slept with another woman?
Oh, you're one to talk.
 Friends.S03E17
Okay, done. I'm sorry. Were you speaking to me, or
What's "pleh"? sleeping with someone else?
That's "help" spelled backwards... We were on a break.
...so that the helicopters can read it from Why don't you just put that on your
the air. answering machine?
Ha. What's "dufus" spelled backwards? It's valid, and I'm not the only one who
Car. Car. thinks so.
Oh, it's Ross on one of his drives. Monica agrees with me.
What is he doing here? What?
He is saving your butt. I don't know.
Unless I'm stepping on some toes here... You said it last night.
...in which case, I could just mosey on. What I said was that I understood.
I have plenty of people to help on the Joey is the one who agreed with you.
interstate. Really, Joey?
- Come on. - We need your help, please. What?
Fine. Fine. You know what? There is no right or wrong
Oh, no. Now it's not gonna make any sense. here.
You guys... I think it's very obvious who's wrong here.
...what do we do about Ross? He drove all Obviously not to Joey.
the way up here. What?
Just send him back, then we'll go skiing? - Joey and Monica feel like I do. - You and
This is horrible. It's just horrible. this innocent act.
Should we ask Ross to come along? Hey, guess who I am?
But what about Rachel? How are we gonna even Look what you're doing to Chandler.
ask her? Look. We know that this is really, really
Ask me what? hard for you guys.
If, uh, it might be okay if Ross came You don't have to love each other.
skiing? You don't even have to like each other much
No, I wasn't gonna ask that. right now.
You guys are unbelievable. No, he cannot But please find a way to be around each
come. other.
- Excuse me? - It's horrible. And not put us in the middle.
Oh, please? Can't I come to your special, Otherwise, I mean, that's just it for us
magical cabin? hanging out together.
Why would you even want to come? You're a Is that what you want?
horrible skier. Can you be civil?
Oh. Hitting me where it hurts. My ski - Yeah. - I can.
skills. Good, let's get back in the car. It's
Here we go again. freezing...
I can't handle this, you guys. ...and my chest is unsupported.
I can handle it. "Handle" is my middle name. Wait a second.
Actually, it's the middle part of my first I mean, what are we doing? Who's going with
name. who?
All right, Pheebs, your cab's ready. Look, you guys should go.
Let's go. You know, you planned this all out...
You're welcome. ...and I don't wanna ruin it. So just go.

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-【100】-
 Friends.S03E17
You drove all the way up here.
I've gotta take the car back anyway.
I'm spending all day tomorrow with Ben.
It's fine, okay? Just go. No guilt, I
promise.
Thank you.
We'll call you when we get back.
Maybe we can, like, go to a movie or
something.
Or the rodeo.
- That would be great. - Okay.
I was being Shelley Winters from The
Poseidon Adventure.
I know.
Bye.
- Ross. - Hi. Sorry I'm late.
- Were you sleeping? - Uh, no.
Oh, great.
I had to get you a new battery. I got the
best I could.
You don't want to skimp there.
You're a genius.
It came to about $112.
But what the hell, call it an even 110?
I'll pay you tomorrow. Bye.
So they, uh, all took off.
It was pretty hard watching them go, you
know?
Yeah, okay. Bye.
So I'm gonna take off then.

第 6 页 共 6 页

-【101】-

Friends.S03E18
What's so funny?
Oh, nothing. It's an acting exercise. I'm
practicing my fake laugh.
What? What's so funny?
Oh, no, no.
No, no. There's none of that in here.
Oh, come on. At least let me finish this
last one.
Okay, but only if you give me a drag.
Okay.
Oh, dark mother, once again I suckle at your
smoky teat.
Why don't you hold on to that one.
That's, like, the least fun game ever.
I'm sick of your smoking, so I brought
something...
...that is going to help you quit.
That patch is no good.
It's a hypnosis tape.
A woman at work used it for two weeks and
hasn't smoked since.
What's your problem?
Nothing. It's just that hypnosis is beyond
crap.
I watched you get hypnotized in Atlantic
City.
That guy did not hypnotize me, okay?
You always pull your pants down and play
"Wipe Out" on your butt.
Forget hypnosis.
The way to quit smoking is to dance naked
in a field of heather...
...and then bathe in the sweat of six
healthy young men.
Or what my father calls "Thursday night."
# So no one told you life was gonna be this
way #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love
life's D.O.A. #
# It's like you're always stuck in second
gear #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# your week, your month, or even your year
# Hey! Hey!
第 1 页 共 6 页
-【102】-
Friends.S03E18
# but I'll be there for you #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# I'll be there for you #
# Like I've been there before #
# I'll be there for you #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
- Here you go. - I didn't want cinnamon on
this.
Sorry.
- Hi. Hi. - Oh, my God! Frank!
Ha, ha. Hi. How are you?
What are you doing here?
I would've called, but I lost your number.
And then, uh, my mom locked me out of the
house, so I couldn't find it.
And, uh, then I tried to find a pay phone,
and the receiver was cut off.
What happened?
Uh, oh. Vandalism.
But also, what happened between you and
your mom?
We got in a fight. She said that I was too
immature to get married.
- You're getting married? - Oh, yeah.
My little brother's getting married! Ha,
ha.
I knew you'd be so cool about this. Uh, hey,
do you wanna meet her?
Do I?
Do you?
Yeah, I do.
Cool, all right. She's just parking the
truck.
I'm gonna... I'm gonna go get my, uh,
fiancee, man!
I'd have bet good money that he'd be the
first one of us to get married.
Isn't it fantastic?
Yeah, but don't you think he's a little
young to get married?
- What? He's 18. - It'll be illegal for him
to drink...
...at his own bachelor party.
Yeah, or to get a hooker.
Always illegal, Joe.

This is, uh, my fiancee...
...Mrs. Knight.
- That's my sister. - You know, it's funny.
Frank told me so much about you, but you're
not how I pictured you at all.
Yeah, I'm a big surprise.
Here you go. Here, grab a seat.
So how did you guys meet?
Well, um, I was in Mrs. Knight's...
I mean, Alice. Sorry. I always do that. Ha,
ha.
I was in her Home Ec class.
He was my best student.
She was my best teacher.
If that doesn't keep kids in school, what
will?
And so now you guys are gonna be married?
Yeah. Ha, ha.
We talked about just living together, but,
um...
...we wanna have kids right away.
Oh, my God!
Great!
Wow, kids. Frank, are you sure you're ready
for that?
How hard can it be?
You know, I mean, you know, babies. Who
doesn't want babies? Right?
And besides, I never had a dad around.
And now I always will, because it'll be me.
Really, we do realize that there's an age
difference between us.
Good. Because you were acting like you
didn't.
But when it comes to love, what does age
matter?
You are falling fast asleep.
Deeper, deeper, deeper.
You are now completely asleep.
You don't need to smoke.
Cigarettes don't control you.
You are a strong, confident woman...
...who does not need to smoke.
A strong, confident woman.
You know what? I realized in the last year
I've only gone out with Richard and Julio.
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-【103】-
Friends.S03E18
You gotta help me out. Set me up. Get me
back in the game.
Shouldn't be a problem. I work in fashion,
and all I meet are eligible straight men.
Can I get you something else?
Cheesecake and a date, if you're giving
them out.
Heh. Haven't we covered that topic?
- You just said to her... - You wanna go
out with me...
...because of my wig, the big boobs, and
I serve you food.
If that were true, I'd be dating my Aunt
Ruth.
And the two times we went out, it was plain
awkward.
You think she should go out with me, don't
you?
Well, I mean...
...are you sure you wanna go out with her?
That ain't a pretty picture in the morning,
know what I mean?
That wig all in disarray, and boobs flung
over the nightstand.
Really. Think about it.
Oh, I will. Ha-ha-ha.
No, I know. I know that this is Frank's
life.
You know?
I don't wanna be judgmental, but it's sick.
It's sick and wrong!
What, is it the age thing?
No, I'm fine with the age thing...
...until it sticks its tongue down my
brother's throat.
Pheebs, he seems to enjoy it.
You think he'll enjoy it when he's up to
his elbows in diapers...
...of all the babies they have to have right
away?
This is not fair to Frank, and it's not fair
to the babies.
You know what? It's not good home
economics.
Have you told him how you feel?
Yes. Not out loud.
 Friends.S03E18
If you don't tell him, soon he'll be married, His number's on the check. He did it so I'd
then you'll hate yourself. call.
Yeah, but if I do tell him, then he's gonna Pete Becker. Pete...
hate myself. Is this him?
Look at him and his mom. I can't. That's Bill Clinton.
But you guys can. You talk him out of it. Who's he hugging?
No, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, my God. That's Pete. Why is Bill hugging
Come on, you guys. Pete?
You have nothing to lose. I have everything This guy invented Moss 865.
to lose. Every office in the world uses that
Do you want me to lose everything? program.
Everything? - We use it! - There you go!
- No. - No. Oh, my God. Monica's gonna go out with a
Okay, I'm gonna go get Frank. millionaire.
We're walking down the street, and I turn - No, I'm not gonna go out with him. - Oh,
to you and say: my God.
"Let's go hang out at Totally Nude Nudes." I can't believe this is a real $20,000 check.
Remember? This is so exciting.
And then, heh, you say, "Let's just hang Or incredibly offensive.
out at your place." Yeah, sure. That too.
Well, that was a nice move, dumb-ass. What?
I think you should go out with this guy. All we're saying is, don't rush into
No, he doesn't do anything for me. anything.
Last Saturday night, what happened on Come on, think about it. You're 18, okay?
Walker, Texas Ranger? She's 44.
Well, um, Walker was looking for this big When you're 36, she's gonna be 88.
busload of kids. Heh. You don't think I know that?
All right, I get your point. Look, the point is...
- Hey. - Hey. ...there's a lot of women you haven't had
I forgot the combination to this about a sex with yet.
year ago. Yeah, he's right. He's right. This is your
I just carry it around. time, you know?
- You got any Chap Stick? - Uh, yeah. You're young. You're weird. Chicks dig
Hey, how are those tapes working out? that.
Pretty good. Good. I haven't smoked yet But isn't sex better when it's with one
today. person that you really care about?
I feel great and confident. That is a Yeah, in a poem, maybe.
stunning blouse. No, the man's right. That's what I had with
Thank you. Rachel.
- Here you go. - Thanks. You don't have it anymore?
Okay, Mon. Let's give Pete a chance. He was No, I, uh... I slept with someone else.
funny. He seems really nice. So wait. So how did that make things better?
That check thing was adorable. It didn't.
What check thing? What you used to have with Rachel is what
As a joke, this customer who has a crush I got with Alice.
on me, gave me a $20,000 tip. Now what is that like?

第 3 页 共 6 页

-【104】-

It's so cool, man.
It's because being with her is so much
better than not being with her.
Yeah. Yeah.
- Why can't I find that? - I had it and I
blew it.
- Well, I want it! - You can have it.
Maybe I can't. Maybe there's something
wrong with me.
No, it's out there, man. I've seen it! I
got it!
- Then you hold on to it! - All right, man!
All right! Congratulations, you lucky
bastard!
You're Frank's best man?
I couldn't help it. Their love is so pure.
What about you, huh?
I'm the ring bearer.
Hi! Oh, Alice, hi. Thanks.
I'm so glad you could come. I've got a real,
um, Home Ec emergency.
- Oh, my God. Who died on this? - Yeah, I
know.
It's a real "mustard-tastrophe."
- Can you help me? - Absolutely.
Okay, first, we'll start with a little club
soda and salt.
- Then if that doesn't work... - You know
what? Forget it. It's ruined.
Oh, no, never say that. If you can't get
it out, cut around the stain...
...add a little lace, you make a stylish
throw.
Or instead, maybe you could just not marry
my brother, Frank?
Can we make it smaller? Make it fit on the
head of a pin?
I love when we make things fit on the head
of a pin.
- Got it, yeah. - Yeah, okay.
You have Monica Geller here.
Uh, absolutely. Yeah, send her in.
Hi.
What the hell is this?
Hang on for a sec. I'll talk to you in the
morning?
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-【105】-
Friends.S03E18
You got it.
- I'm sorry. What? - What's this supposed
to mean?
Well, you know, I never know how much to
tip.
You double the tax. Not double the tax of
Romania.
I mean, what's the deal? Are you trying to
buy me?
Is this the way you get girls to go out with
you?
Uh, I'm still here.
You're taking this wrong. If I didn't leave
you that tip...
...you wouldn't have come, we wouldn't have
this argument...
...and there wouldn't be this, uh, heat
between us.
- What? - Come on.
You gotta admit that our relationship is
hitting a new level now.
You were the chef, and I was the customer.
But now we're this couple that fights.
Okay, um...
...you're a loon.
Look, forget the check, okay? I like you.
I think you're great.
Come on, what do you say?
I don't know.
Why not?
I don't wanna encourage this behavior.
One meal. That's all I'm asking for.
Please?
We go out, we eat.
If you don't have a good time, I'll give
you 10 grand, we're even.
- Hi. - Aah! No!
Wait, no. Just put the mail down. It's me.
Sorry. Why were you just all in the dark?
Well, um, your laundry smelled so good that
I thought I'd curl up in it.
- Is that all right? - Yeah, sure.
So how was your day?
It's just probably the worst one since I've
been alive.
What, um...? What happened?

Um, Alice, uh...
She, uh, called it off.
Oh, no.
Did, um... Did she say why?
Uh, no, not really. Just that I was too
young.
I don't see how I could suddenly be too
young...
...because I'm older than I was when we
first got together.
Yeah, yeah, no, I don't...
I don't know. But you know what? Maybe it's
just all for the best.
Well, yeah, if the best is like
unbelievable pain.
Oh, sweetie.
You know, I was just finally happy.
For the first time in my life...
...after my dad left me...
...and then getting arrested for stealing
those birds...
...and then the whole punctured-lung
thing.
It's still really hard to take deep breaths
in cold weather...
...but with Alice, all that stuff kind of
went away.
And now it's gone, and I don't know why.
Ugh. Well, I can tell you why. It's because
of me.
But you know what? I only did it because
I love you, okay?
- What? - Um, I kind of had a little chat
with Alice...
...and I sort of made her see why you two
shouldn't be together.
And you'll see it too, one day. You really,
really will.
Wait a minute. This is because of you?
Okay...
Wait, no. My mother didn't want us to be
together...
...but the worst thing she did was tie me
to the porch.
Okay, but...
I came to you because I thought you'd
第 5 页 共 6 页
-【106】-
Friends.S03E18
understand.
Oh, no!
I would storm out of here...
...if I had some money or a place to go.
Oh, my God! The millionaire's here!
Oh, my God!
Guys, please. I'm just gonna have dinner
with him.
Okay, just because he buys you dinner does
not mean you owe him anything.
I know.
Okay, then get the lobster.
- Hey. - Hi.
- Hi. - Hey.
Hello.
Hey, how much cash you got in your pocket
right now?
And that's why I'm not inviting you in for
a drink. Bye.
Why not? Hey, come in for drink.
- Where do you wanna go? - You like pizza?
- Oh, that sounds great. - I know a great
little place.
You're not paying for the pizza.
Come on, it's only fair. You paid for the
flight.
Is that enough lira?
Uh, I'd throw another 1000 on that.
- How much is that? - That's about 60 cents.
Every night!
You don't need to smoke.
Cigarettes don't control you.
You are a strong, confident woman...
...who does not need to smoke.
A strong, confident woman...
...who does not need to smoke.
So can I.
Hey, Frank.
Look, I know that you think I did this
totally evil thing.
But I so didn't.
Someone's here who can explain this better
than I can.
We can go look.
Hi, Frank.
Hi, Mrs. Knight.
 Friends.S03E18
Phoebe's right, Frank.
It's hard to hear, but it would've been
wrong to go through with it.
I was being selfish.
Even though we want the same things right
now...
...in the future, we may not.
- Is that what it is? - Yes, but not just
that.
Right, not just that.
Even though we love each other as much as
we do...
...nonetheless...
- Nonetheless. - Nonetheless.
You're too young...
...to really know what you want.
That's right, exactly.
That's a goodbye kiss. That's good.
Bye-bye.
The important thing is, is that you see what
I'm saying.
This is clearly wrong.
I've decided I'm gonna let this happen.
Okay, can I just get my purse?
Okay, all right, good.
Cigarettes don't control you.
You are a strong, confident woman...
...who does not need to smoke.
Joey's your best friend.
You wanna make him a cheese sandwich every
day.
And you also wanna buy him hundreds of
dollars worth of pants.

第 6 页 共 6 页

-【107】-

Friends.S03E19
- Here you go. - Thank you.
"Say, Rachel...
...I was wondering if you'd like to go to
a movie with me sometime...
...as my lover."
Mm. Too out there.
"Maybe you'd just like to get something to
eat with me sometime...
...as my lover."
- Hi. - Hi.
All right, let's go shopping.
You know, before we go, uh, there's
something I need to say.
- Oh. Okay. - Okay.
I've kind of had this, uh... This crush on
you.
But since you were with Ross, I didn't do
anything about it.
Now that you're not, I'd really like to ask
you out sometime.
So that's what I'm doing now.
I dropped a cup.
# So no one told you life was gonna be this
way #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love
life's D.O.A. #
# It's like you're always stuck in second
gear #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# your week, your month, or even your year
# Eventually, the rhythm is going to get you.
# but I'll be there for you #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# I'll be there for you #
# Like I've been there before #
# I'll be there for you #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
So that's why within a few years, that voice
recognition...
...is gonna be pretty much standard on any
computer.
You know, so you could be, like, "Wash my
car. Clean my room."
It's not gonna be able to do any of those
第 1 页 共 6 页
-【108】-
Friends.S03E19
things...
...but it'll understand what you're
saying.
- Oh, this was so great. - Yeah, it was.
All right, then.
Bye.
Hello, people who do not live here.
- Hi. - Hello.
I gave you a key for emergencies.
We were out of Doritos.
Hey, how'd the date go with Mr.
Millionaire?
"Mr. Millionaire. New, from Snooty
Playthings.
Third wife sold separately."
He's great. I mean, we have such a good time
together.
He's so funny and so sweet. And I'm not
attracted to him at all.
- Still? - No.
It's driving me crazy. I mean, in every
other way, he's like the perfect guy.
He has everything. Plus, he actually has
everything.
Life-sized lmperial Storm Troopers from
Sharper lmage?
Two.
Wow. Can Joey and I put them on and fight?
Oh, Mommy. Oh, Daddy. I am a big old baddy.
I guess he must've gotten the part in that
play.
Either that or Gloria Estefan was right.
- Joe, how's it going? - Good.
- Hey. - Hi.
Ah, so you're playing Adrianne, huh?
Yes. Are you one of the retarded cousins?
No, no. Uh, I'm playing your husband,
Victor. I'm Joey Tribbiani.
Hi. Nice to meet you. Kate Miller.
Heh. So the, uh, play's pretty great, huh?
Oh, yeah. I love Jennifer Banberry's work.
She's so brilliantly incisive...
...when it comes to deconstructing the
psyche of the middle class.
Oh, forget about it. She rocks. Ha, ha.

Where do I know you from?
Dr. Drake Ramoray?
Days of our Lives?
Voted most datable neurosurgeon by Teen
Beat?
No, that's not it.
So you're a soap actor.
Well, this must be exciting for you, being
in a real play. Hmm?
Hey, I've done plays before. I'm a serious
actor.
That infomercial.
For the milk-carton-spout thing.
You're the guy who doesn't know how to pour
milk.
See, I actually can pour milk. But I got
you believing that I couldn't.
Ha, ha. Now, see, that's acting.
Right. At the end, you choked on a cookie.
Yeah, that was real.
- Wow. I cannot believe Mark asked you out.
- I know.
Well, So, what are you gonna tell him?
Well, I told him I would think about it,
but I'm gonna tell him no.
I mean, I think I'd say no to anybody right
now.
Oh, but it was so strange. I mean, I'm
standing there...
...with this charming, cute guy who's
asking me to go out with him...
...which I'm allowed to do...
...and I felt guilty, you know, like I'd
be cheating on Ross or something.
Wow. So, okay, maybe that means...
...that you're not over Ross yet and you
have issues with your father.
I don't have any issues with my father.
Okay, so it's probably just the Ross thing.
I hate this woman. I hate her.
She told everyone in the company about that
infomercial...
...and now they all keep asking me to open
their drinks.
Okay? And whenever I can't do it, they're
all, like, laughing at me.
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-【109】-
Friends.S03E19
- Hello. - Hey.
So Rachel called.
Wants to see me.
Going over in a minute.
- Wow. What do you think she wants? - Well,
maybe the crazy fog has lifted...
...and she realizes that life without me...
...sucks.
It's possible. You are very lovable. I'd
miss you if I broke up with you.
Just trying to be supportive.
Well, be supportive like a guy.
If I broke up with you, I'd miss you.
- Hi. - Hi.
You, uh, wanted to see me?
Yeah.
Uh, here's a box of your stuff.
- What? - Uh, it's just like hats and a shirt
and CD's.
Just sort of stuff that you've left here.
What are you doing? Are you trying to hurt
me or something?
Ross.
It just seems that, you know, it's time we,
you know, move on.
I mean, don't you think?
- Yes. - Yeah.
- Yes, I do. - Good.
Yeah, I really do.
Hey...
This was a gift.
Ross, you got that for free from the museum
gift shop.
It's still a gift.
I got it from the gift shop.
Okay. All right. Give me the mug. I'll keep
the mug.
No. You know, don't do me any favors. In
fact, where...
Where's the rest of my stuff? Huh? Like my,
um...
Hey. This book is mine.
And that T-shirt you sleep in? I'd like that
back too. Yes, I do.
You know how much I love that T-shirt. You
never even wear that T-shirt.

I'm just trying to help you move on.
Oh, you are a petty man.
You are a petty, petty...
- Petty... - ...petty, petty...
- ...small... - ...small...
You are so just doing this out of spite.
Uh-uh. No, no, no.
I'm gonna wear this all the time. I love
this shirt.
You haven't worn that since you were 15.
It doesn't even fit you anymore.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah.
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
Now, if you don't mind, I'm gonna take the
rest of my stuff...
...and relax...
...in my favorite shirt.
You have a pleasant evening.
So you're, like, a zillionaire.
And you're our age. You're our age.
You know what? You should, like, buy a
state...
...and then just name it after yourself.
What, like, "Pete Dakota"?
Or "Mississi-Pete."
Ooh, ooh, I got it: "Pete Chicago."
That's not a state, Joe.
Oh, and "Mississi-Pete" is?
I gotta go, so, uh, I'll see you guys later.
- Okay. You're our age. - Okay.
So, uh, are we on for tomorrow?
Absolutely.
Now get out of here, you.
Okay, I'm running out of places I can touch
him.
Is there something wrong with me?
I mean, why am I only attracted to guys
where there's no future?
Either they're too old or they're too
young.
And there's Pete, who's crazy about me...
...and he's absolutely perfect, and
there's, like, zip going on.
Seriously. Does it sound like something's
wrong with me?
Yeah, kind of.
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Happy? Is that what I'm supposed to be, Vic?
Happy?
Well, why don't you tell me what you're
supposed to be? Huh?
Because I sure as hell can't figure it out.
I talk to you, and nothing.
You look at me, and it's nothing.
Nothing.
Tasty.
I'm really starting to feel like you guys
have a history. It's nice.
- I have a question about this scene. - Yes.
Well, I don't understand why Adrianne's
attracted to Victor.
Peel the onion.
First of all, he's good-looking.
I think my character is gonna need a bit
more of a reason than that.
Oh, hey, how about this one? Uh, it says
so in the script.
You know, I don't know why my character
likes you either.
I mean, it says in the script here that
you're a bitch.
- It doesn't say that in the script. - It
does in mine.
I can blow-dry it, I can put gel on it. It
doesn't matter.
I still wind up with this little cowlick-y
thing...
...on the middle part of my head. It's so
annoying.
- Does it bug you? - You bug me.
Is there any chance you didn't see that?
Ross, you gotta stop, okay?
You can't just stare through the peephole
for three hours.
You're gonna get peep-eye.
I knew it. I knew it. I always knew she liked
him.
She'd say no, but here we are, right?
We just broke up, first thing she does.
You didn't just break up.
Hey, it's been, like, three weeks.
You slept with somebody three hours after
you thought you broke up.

I mean, bullets have left guns slower.
Here they come. Here they... Oh.
If she kisses him good night, I'm gonna kill
myself. I swear.
I can't watch.
Come on. Date over. Date over.
- Here we go. She's going in. - Okay.
She's going in. Ha, ha. Wait. He's going
in.
He's going in.
The door's closed. I can't see anything
with the door closed.
And the inventor of the door rests happily
in his grave.
Okay, I have to do something. I mean, I have
to stop it.
- Stop what? - I don't know.
But I have a feeling that my being there
will do it.
I'll go over and I will borrow something.
- Juice. I need juice. - No.
- You can't. - A little help.
- They must be stopped. - I am your
friend...
...and I am not gonna let you do this.
You are surprisingly strong.
- I need juice. People need juice. - Look,
man...
- People need juice. Juice. They need...
- Listen to me.
She's moving on, okay? If it's not this guy,
it's gonna be somebody else.
And unless you're thinking about
subletting my peephole...
...you are gonna have to get used to the
fact that the relationship is over.
Okay, man? It's over.
- Yeah, okay. - Okay.
It's just I miss her so much.
I know.
Why do all your coffee mugs have numbers
on the bottom?
Oh, that's so Monica can keep track.
That way, if one of them is missing, she
can be like, "Where's number 27?"
You know what?
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-【111】-
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No, and I don't think I'm gonna want to.
I can't do this.
Yep. Yep. That's what I didn't want to know.
Yeah. Oh, Mark, I'm just doing this for the
wrong reasons, you know?
I'm just doing it to get back at Ross.
I'm sorry. It's not very fair to you.
Ah. Fair, shmair. You know?
Look, you wanna get back at Ross, I am here
for you.
Really.
No, no. I say we get back at him right here
on this couch. Right here.
Oh, my God.
I'm sorry about this.
That's okay.
- You sure? - Yeah.
I can just go home and get back at him by
myself.
And should become the penicillin of the 21
st century.
And so today, this hospital is about to take
major steps...
...toward leading that revolution.
- It is truly ironic. - Hey. Can I ask you
something?
Where are we?
Well, with all these doctors and nurses...
...I'm gonna say, Midget Rodeo.
Just tell me the truth.
Okay.
Um, you know, I don't think I told you
this...
...but, um, I just recently got out of a
really serious relationship.
Oh, right. Wasn't that like a year ago?
So I did tell you.
Okay, well, you know, that's not really the
thing.
The thing is, is that right now I'm just
in a place in my life...
...where I just need to focus on me.
- Do you know what I mean? - Oh, yeah, I
know.
- I so want to be attracted to you. - But
you're not. Okay. Good.

I'm sorry.
You know what? Don't be. This is not...
Don't be, because it's not so bad.
- It's not? - Yeah. I know I'm no Jon Bon
Jovi.
Or someone you find attractive.
I just think, you know...
...that you might end up feeling
differently.
Well, look, I don't want this to come out
wrong...
...but, uh, you seem awfully confident for
a guy I just told I wasn't attracted to.
Yeah, stupidly charming, isn't it?
Uh, listen. Let's... You wanna get
something to eat?
Because this place is kind of depressing.
Now the man who made this possible, Mr.
Peter Becker.
One second.
I don't think this town is big enough for
the both of us to relax in.
Draw.
I wasn't doing anything.
Uh-oh. What did she do now?
Just because she went to Yale Drama, she
thinks she's, like, the greatest
actress...
...since sliced bread.
Ah, Sliced Bread. A wonderful Lady Macbeth.
God, I just... I hate her. I hate her with
her "Oh, I'm so talented"...
...and "Oh, I'm so pretty," and "Oh, I smell
so good."
I think somebody has a crush on somebody.
Hey, Chandler, can we please try and stay
focused on my problem here?
You know?
I'm talking about you, you big, big freak.
Oh. You're out of your mind.
Hey, you've done nothing but talk about her
for the last 48 hours.
If you were in school yard...
...you'd be pulling her pigtails and
pushing her down now.
Oh, yeah? Then how come I keep thinking
第 5 页 共 6 页
-【112】-
Friends.S03E19
about her...
...in all these sexual scenarios and stuff,
huh?
Happy? Is that what I'm supposed to be, Vic?
Happy?
Well, why don't you tell me what you're
supposed to be, huh?
Because I sure as hell can't figure it out.
I talk to you, and it's nothing.
You look at me, and nothing.
Nothing.
You guys make me fly.
High.
Okay, we're gonna pick it up here tomorrow.
- Well, that was, uh... - Better?
Yeah, yeah, it was definitely...
...an improvement.
- Good night. - Uh, Kate.
Yeah?
You, uh... You forgot your shoes.
I'm probably gonna need those, huh?
- Okay. - Hey, listen...
...you, uh, feel like getting a cup of
coffee?
- Um... Yo. - Kate.
- You ready to go? - Yeah.
Very nice. Very nice.
So, um...
- See you tomorrow, huh? - Yeah. Yeah. Sure.
- Right. - Good night.
Hey.
Why isn't it "Spiderman"?
You know, like Goldman, Silverman?
Because it's not his last name.
- It isn't? - No, it's not, like...
Like Phil Spiderman.
He's a spider...
...man.
You know, like, uh... Like Goldman is a last
name.
But there's no gold man.
Oh, okay.
There should be a Gold Man.
- Hey. - Hey, Rach.
- How was work? - Oh, great.
Although I did sit down where there wasn't
 Friends.S03E19
a chair.
By the way, Ross dropped by a box of your
stuff.
Oh. Well, I guess I had that one coming.
I'm just gonna throw it out. It's probably
just a bunch of shampoo and...
Something wrong?
Hmm. No. Nothing.
So, uh, what kind of powers would Gold Man
have?
Okay. Well, he would turn things to gold.
- What about things that are already gold?
- Ah. His work is done.
Okay, let's play my game.
Okay.
All right, you yellow-bellied,
lily-livered...
Draw.
Yeah, it's fun.

第 6 页 共 6 页

-【113】-

Friends.S03E20
Wait a minute. You're telling me this
actress person...
...is the only woman you ever wanted who
didn't want you back?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Is this what it's like to be you?
- Wow, you're really crazy about her, huh?
- Oh. You have no idea.
And when we're on-stage, I get to kiss her
and touch her.
But then she goes home with the director...
...and it's like somebody's ripping out my
heart.
Oh, it's so great to see you feeling like
this.
- Hey. - Hey.
Monica, uh, Dad called this morning...
...and, uh, Aunt Sylvia passed away.
Yes. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We were all pretty shaken up about it.
Wait, am I missing something?
Because I always thought death was supposed
to be sad, in a way.
Well, uh, Aunt Sylvia was...
...well, not a nice person.
No, she was a cruel, cranky old bitch.
And I'm sorry she died.
Did Dad say I get the dollhouse?
- You get the dollhouse. - I get the
dollhouse.
Wow. A house for dolls. That is so cool.
When I was a kid, I had a barrel.
Uh, Pheebs, you had a barrel for a
dollhouse?
No, just a barrel.
You know what? You can play with my
dollhouse.
- Really? Really? - Any time you want.
When I was younger, all I wanted to do was
to play with this dollhouse.
But no. It was to be looked at, but never
played with.
My grandmother used to say that exact same
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-【114】-
Friends.S03E20
thing to me.
# So no one told you life was gonna be this
way #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love
life's D.O.A. #
# It's like you're always stuck in second
gear #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# your week, your month, or even your year
#
# but I'll be there for you #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# I'll be there for you #
# Like I've been there before #
# I'll be there for you #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
- Hey, Sophie. - Hey, Rach.
- Hey. - Hey.
Thanks for lunch, Chandler. You didn't have
to walk me here.
Oh, that's okay. No problem.
Honey, you do realize we don't keep the
women's lingerie here in the office.
Yes, I realize that.
- Summer catalog. - That's the stuff.
Rachel, I need the Versace invoice.
Hello. You don't work for me.
Joanna, this is my friend Chandler Bing.
Joanna.
Bing? Heh. That's a great name.
Thanks, it's Gaelic for, "Thy turkey's
done."
- So, uh, I'm gonna go. Nice meeting you.
- You too.
Bye, Chandler.
So, uh, what's wrong with him?
Oh, nothing. He's just goofy like that. I
actually hardly notice it anymore.
Oh, no, no, no. I mean, is he, um, married
or involved with anyone?
No, no. He's not married or involved with
anyone.
Oh, Rachel...
Actually, you know what? Forget it.
- I'll ask him for you if you want me to.
- Would you?

Or is it just too sad and desperate...
...you know, something that Sophie would
do?
- I am here. - I know that.
Look at it.
Wallpaper's a little faded. That's okay.
Carpet's a little loose.
Hardwood floors?
- Hey. Oh! - Hello.
Oh, Monica.
- It's so beautiful. - I know.
- So I'm here, ready to play. Hee-hee. -
Okay.
I brought a bunch of stuff for the house,
so check it out. Ha, ha.
What's this?
That's a dog. Every house should have a dog.
Not one that can pee on the roof.
Well, maybe it's so big because the house
was built on radioactive waste.
And is this in case the house sneezes?
No. No, that's the ghost for the attic.
- I don't want a ghost. - Well, nobody wants
a ghost.
But you've got one...
...because the house is sitting on an
ancient Indian burial ground.
Wait a minute. The house was built on
radioactive waste...
...and an ancient Indian burial ground?
Ha, ha. That would never happen.
Okay, obviously you don't know much about
the U.S. Government. Ha, ha.
- Hey. - Hey.
- I need to talk to you. - Sure. What's up?
Oh, sorry. I meant Chandler.
Heh. I know.
Well, if something comes up...
Well, I'm glad you guys are past that little
awkward phase.
Okay. My boss, Joanna. When you left...
...she started asking questions about you.
Ha, ha. Liked what she saw, huh?
Dug my action, did she?
Checking out the Chan Chan Man.
That was...
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-【115】-
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...surreal.
Okay, what do you think? You interested at
all?
Yeah, she seemed cool, attractive. I'll do
it.
Oh, thank you, Chandler. This is great.
She's gonna love me.
Okay, dinosaur attack. Quick, everybody
into the house. Aah!
All right, Phoebe, you know what? That's
it. That's it. All right?
No dinosaurs, no ghosts, no giant dogs,
okay?
They're not the right size, they're not
Victorian, and they just don't go.
Okay.
Fine.
Come, dinosaur. We're not welcome in the
house of no imagination.
Uh, Pheebs, while we're hovering around the
subject...
...I just have to say that dinosaurs, they
don't go, "Ruff."
The little ones do.
- Hey, Kate. - Morning.
Listen, I, uh, went to that restaurant you
talked about...
Hey, lovely.
Come, talk to me for a minute.
And I ate the food. It was good. I had the
fish.
Yeah, it was pretty good. Yeah.
Hi.
I'm Lauren. Kate's understudy.
Oh. Hey. Joey Tribbiani.
I know. I'm a big fan of yours.
What?
I used to, um, schedule my classes so I
could watch Dr. Drake Ramoray...
...on Days of our Lives.
Get out of here. Really?
Absolutely.
Oh, but then they went and dropped you down
that elevator shaft.
Yeah, they gave me the shaft, all right.
You're so funny.

Listen, um, what are you doing after
rehearsal?
Do you wanna get a drink or something?
Well, uh...
Yeah. Yeah, sure. A drink sounds great.
- Cool. I'll see you then. - Okay. All
right.
All right. It's time to act, my talking
props.
- Hey. - Hey.
Look, everybody. Look at my new dollhouse.
Ha, ha. Look, look.
Hey, what's this?
Oh, okay. It's a slide instead of stairs.
Look.
Very interesting, Phoebe.
What's this?
The licorice room. You can eat all the
furniture.
And when guests come over, they can stay
on the Tootsie Roll-away bed.
This is the coolest house ever.
Hey. Does anyone want to join me in the
Aroma Room?
- All right. - I would.
Hey, guys? Guys.
Did you see my new china cabinet?
Watch. Watch.
And? And?
Hey, my father's house does that.
Okay, how did it go? Tell me everything.
Well, the movie was great...
...dinner was great, and there's nothing
like a cool, crisp New York evening.
Of course, I didn't get to enjoy any of that
because Joanna's such a big dull dud.
Chandler is fantastic.
- What? - Oh, God. You know how people just
click?
Like, he came by to pick me up. I opened
the door, and it was just like, "click."
- Did he tell you? - Well...
Oh, and he's got such a good heart. Doesn't
he have a good heart?
Oh, I know. And he's so sweet.
He said he'd call, so put him straight
第 3 页 共 6 页
-【116】-
Friends.S03E20
through.
- Isn't this great? - Don't spoil it.
Come on, baby, don't go. Please?
What do you say?
Hello? Oh!
It's you. Just, uh... Just one sec.
I am going to take this call.
When I continue, I hope that there will
appear on-stage...
...this magical thing that in the theater
we call...
...committing to the moment.
The guy's like a cartoon.
What do you see in him, anyway?
He happens to be brilliant.
Which is more than I can say for that
sweater you're dating.
Hey, I'm not interested in her sweater.
It's what's underneath her sweater that
counts.
And besides, since, uh...
Since when do you care who I'm going out
with?
I don't care. Why? Do you want me to care?
Heh. Do you want me to want you to care?
Do you?
What?
Okay. I'm afraid to say this, but let's pick
it up where we left off.
Come on, baby, don't go. Please? What do
you say?
I've got no reason to stay.
Stop.
Stop it. You must stop.
You are bad actors.
This is a terrible play.
I'll see you in the morning.
I can't believe we go on in a week.
Hey, it's gonna be all right.
So since we're getting off early, do you
want to go and paint mugs?
What?
You know, at that place I told you about
last night?
Oh, yeah, with the mug-painting. Yeah.
I was so listening to that.

But, uh, you know what? I think I need to
work on my stuff tonight.
- Oh, okay. - Okay.
- I'll see you tomorrow. - Okay.
- Okay. Ha, ha. - Night.
Uh, are you okay?
Yeah, I guess.
Like, what are we gonna do about the scene,
huh?
I don't know.
Well, um...
Maybe if it had more heat.
Well, how do you mean?
Well, Adrianne's looking for a reason to
stay, right?
Victor can't just kiss her. He's gotta...
He's gotta really give her a reason, you
know?
Maybe he could slip her the tongue.
Or maybe...
Maybe he could grab her and lift her up.
Yeah, yeah. Then Adrianne, maybe she could
wrap her legs around his waist.
And then she could rip off his shirt and
kiss his chest and his stomach.
And then he could use his teeth, his teeth,
to undo her dress and...
And bite her.
And then right when the scene ends, he could
take her...
...with this raw, animal...
Something like that?
Yeah, that's pretty much what I had in mind.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Hi. - Hey.
It's a little early to be drinking.
Things, uh, finally happened with Kate.
- Oh. That's great. - You're kidding.
That's great.
Oh, it was so amazing.
After the lovemaking...
Oh, my.
I just watched her sleep for, like, hours.
Just breathing in...
...and breathing out.
And I knew she was dreaming because her eyes
第 4 页 共 6 页
-【117】-
Friends.S03E20
kept going like this:
I'm telling you, Joanna's got it all wrong,
okay?
All I said was, "This was fun. Let's do it
again sometime.
I'll give you a call."
I wonder why she thinks you're going to call
her?
That's what you say at the end of a date.
You can't just say, "Nice to meet you. Good
night"?
To her face?
It's the end of the date, I'm standing
there...
...she's waiting for me to say I'll call
her...
...and it just, you know, comes out. I can't
help it.
It's a compulsion.
Come on, Rach, when a guy says he's gonna
call...
...it doesn't mean he's going to call.
This never happened to you?
Well, they always called.
Bite me.
- Did he call? - No, sorry.
Why? Why? He said he'd call. Why hasn't he
called?
Maybe he's intimidated by really smart,
strong, successful women.
Sophie, will you please climb out of my
butt.
- Why hasn't he called, Rachel? Why? - Okay,
okay.
Um, well, uh, maybe he feels awkward
because you are my boss.
Awkward? Why should he feel awkward?
The only person that should feel awkward
is you.
You didn't tell him not to call me?
If you're uncomfortable with your friend
dating someone you work for...
...there are always ways to fix that.
Call her. Call her now.
Multiple, so many paper cuts.
"Why hasn't he called, Rachel? Why? Why?
 Friends.S03E20
I don't understand. He said he'd call." It was a big deal.
Chandler, I'm telling you, she's flipped I mean, come on, you can't tell me last
out. She's gone crazy. night didn't mean something to you.
Oh. Well, give me the phone, then. I was there. You're not that good an
This isn't funny. She thinks it's my fault actress.
you haven't called her. Look.
You have to call her. Um, I was... I was just caught up in the
Look, you can't call somebody after this moment.
long just to say: That's all it was.
"In case you didn't notice, I don't like Joey, I'm sorry you feel bad...
you." ...but haven't you ever slept with a woman
Then you're gonna have to take her out where it meant more to her than to you?
again. No.
No. She's really dull, and she gets this... - Hi, Kate. - Hi, Lauren.
...gross mascara-goop thing in the corner Hi, Lauren.
of her eye. Hi, pig.
I don't care. I don't care. Sorry I, uh... I scared you in there.
You'll take her out again and end it... Oh, that's okay.
...and end it in a way that she knows it's By the way...
actually ended. ...I was just checking the shower massager.
And I don't care how hard it is for you. Yeah.
Do not tell her you'll call her again. Hey.
All right, fine. I tried to reach you at work.
But it's just a lunch date. From now on, There's been a fire.
I get my own dates. What? Oh, my... Oh, my God.
I don't want you setting me up with anybody What happened?
again. Well, we believe it originated here...
That's fine. ...in the Aroma Room.
- That's just a lot of big talk, you know. All right, did everyone get out okay?
- I know. Well, the giraffe's okay and so is the
Mon? pirate.
I'm in the shower. - What is this? - No, Phoebe, don't look.
Aah! Fire. There's a fire. Fire. You don't want to see what's under there.
- Hey. - Hi. The foster puppets.
So I, uh, talked to Lauren. I kind of told It's not a big deal.
her how things were with us. It's just... It's right here, and it's all
Did you, uh...? Did you talk to Marshall? the time.
About what? Well, thanks again for lunch.
Ha, ha. You know, about what happened with - Yes, this was pleasant. - It was, wasn't
us. it?
No. - The food there was great. - Wasn't it?
And there's really no reason why he should So take care.
find out. You too.
So, uh, let's not make a big deal out of This was great. I'll give you a call. We
it, okay? should do it again.
What are you talking about? Great. I'm looking forward to it.

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-【118】-
 Friends.S03E20
- Rachel, any messages? - Sophie's desk.
Chandler. Are you gonna call her?
- No. - Chandler.
Look, I'm sorry, okay? I'm weak and
pathetic and sorry.
Okay, you are gonna tell her. You're gonna
tell her now.
Ow, I'm not gonna call you.
What?
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I said I was going to when
I'm not.
Ugh. Look, this has nothing to do with you.
And this isn't Rachel's fault. It's me.
I have serious, serious problems when it
comes to women.
I have issues with commitment, intimacy...
...mascara goop.
And I'm really sorry. It's just that this
is not... This isn't gonna work out.
Well, this isn't how I was hoping this would
end...
...but I guess I have to appreciate your
honesty.
Yeah, okay.
So...
Well, this is great. I'll give you a call.
We should do it again sometime.
Wha... So anyway, Beth, what I'm saying
is...
...I should have considered your feelings
before I went home with you that night.
I've, uh...
I've recently learned what it's like to be
on your side of it...
...and I'm sorry.
So do you think you can forgive me?
Great. Thanks.
Okay. Bye.
Hello, Jennifer?
Oh, hi, Mrs. Laurio. Is Jennifer there?
Oh, she's not home, huh?
Well, uh, actually I kind of need to talk
to you too.

第 6 页 共 6 页

-【119】-

Friends.S03E21
So whose idea was it to put everybody in
the diner on skates?
Some idiot customer put a suggestion in the
suggestion box.
- Oh, my God. They took my idea. - That was
you?
Yeah.
Okay, there you go.
Rachel, I made you a cocoa.
Oh, that's so... Aah!
- Oh, my God. Are you guys okay? - You all
right?
Oh, my.
# So no one told you life was gonna be this
way #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love
life's D.O.A. #
# It's like you're always stuck in second
gear #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# your week, your month, or even your year
# So how was your trip?
# but I'll be there for you #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# I'll be there for you #
# Like I've been there before #
# I'll be there for you #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
- Hey. - Hey.
You know, with that goatee, you kind of look
like Satan.
Oh, so that's why the priest threw holy
water on me.
Okay, listen, you have to cheer up.
Okay? You should come out with Ross and me.
I mean, anything is better than sitting
around here crying all day about Kate.
Hey, I was crying because...
Because nobody believed Quincy's theory,
okay?
Hey. I'm gonna be on TV.
- No way. - Yeah.
They're putting together this panel to talk
about these fossils they found in Peru.
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The Discovery Channel's gonna film it.
Oh, my God. Heh. Who's gonna watch that?
- Thanks. You ready to go? - Yeah.
Ahem, I saw a girl with that vest.
Thanks.
- Most of us think of chocolate bunnies and
baskets as traditional Easter gifts.
Some people insist on giving live chicks
as presents.
Unfortunately, the sad fact remains...
...that most of these little guys won't
live to see the Fourth of July.
Because as a result of improper care, they
will be dead.
You guys got any of those baby chicks?
Because I was watching this, uh, commercial
on TV...
...and, man, those things are cute.
- Hi. - Hi.
Oh, Pete, you're back. Hey, check this out.
Wow. Skates. Ha, ha.
Wow. You're a lot sturdier than Chandler.
He crumbled like a piece of paper.
- Well... - Oh, what did you bring me?
Aw, hotel toiletries from Japan. Oh.
These are gonna go in my permanent
collection.
- You want some coffee? - Sure, that'd be
great.
Okay.
Regular or decaf?
- Uh, whichever's closest. - All right.
- Okay. - So ask me what I did today.
So, what did you do today, Pete?
I bought a restaurant, and I would like you
to be the chef.
What? Oh.
Can you believe he just offered me a
restaurant?
What a jerk. You want me to kick his ass?
I mean, this has been my dream since I got
my first Easy-Bake Oven...
...and opened Easy-Monica's Bakery.
I mean, I would kill for this job. I mean,
I can totally do this job...

...and God knows I've paid my dues. Ugh.
But Pete's just doing this because he has
a crush on me.
- And you're still not attracted to him at
all? - Mm. No.
I mean, how could I accept a restaurant from
him? I can't.
I couldn't even accept a necklace from Stu
Vincent in the seventh grade.
Yeah, Mon, that was totally different. He
was your health teacher.
What, honey?
Ow, my side still hurts from when you
crashed into me yesterday.
- Oh, God, I'm so sorry. - I know. Ow.
Oh, God.
Hey, you guys. Guess what.
Got a job on a riverboat?
You know what? I didn't wear this suit for
a year because you hated it.
Guess what. You're not my girlfriend
anymore, so...
Oh, I see. So this suit is making a point.
Now that you're on your own, you're free
to look as stupid as you'd like.
You like it, right?
Absolutely. I like it even more on you than
I did on Colonel Sanders.
Huh. Ross, Ross, I'm kidding. Come here.
- What were you gonna tell us? - Was it how
you invented the cotton gin?
Okay, goodbye.
So, um, after you put the suggestion in the
box...
...how long did it take for the
roller-skating thing to happen?
Um, about three months.
Okay, so I guess that's about, uh, two
weeks...
...before the topless thing kicks in.
- Hey. - Hey.
I got you something. Open it. Open it.
Okay.
It's a chicken.
It's cute, huh?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. You guys, do you know
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-【121】-
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anything about chicks?
Fowl? No.
Women? No.
Okay, well, they are a huge responsibility.
Especially at this age. They require
constant care.
They need just the right food and lots and
lots of love.
Oh, well, no problem there.
Easy, Lenny.
So, I mean, have you thought about it?
Okay, here's the thing.
Oh, no. Not "the thing." I hate "the thing."
What's "the thing"?
I can't do it.
I'm sorry. I wish I could...
...but, um, see, you have these feelings
for me.
Wait, wait, wait. That's what you're
worried about?
If that's the problem, we've got no
problem.
I was gonna tell you this over dinner, but
I met somebody else, on my trip.
Her name's Ann. She's a journalist. Uh, we
met on the plane.
She asked me if she could finish off my
peanuts.
I thought she said something else. We had
a big laugh.
Yeah, I just... I mean, I got tired of
waiting.
Oh, that's great. I mean, I'm sorry, but
I'm so happy for you.
- And now I can work for you. - I guess you
can.
Oh, my God. Oh, this is incredible. Oh.
All right. You know what? I'm just gonna
roll right into that office and quit.
- All right. - Okay.
- Could you give me a little push? - Yeah,
sure.
- Good luck. - I'm quitting. Woo-hoo!
I'm okay. I'm all right.
Wow. That's exciting. You went to Japan,
made up a woman.

What?
I'm just saying, this woman, I mean, she's
fictitious, no?
- Why would you say that? - You're still
into Monica.
So you told her there's somebody else so
she'd agree to work with you.
Because you figure, if you spend time
together, maybe something might happen.
You're good. You're good.
Yeah. No, I'm fairly intuitive. And
psychic.
It's a substantial gift.
Listen, can you promise me that you won't
tell her, though?
Absolutely. Oh, I promise. Tell her what?
Thanks a lot.
No, I'm serious. I mean, I'm intuitive, but
my memory sucks.
Okay, but this is the last time.
With a chick-chick here And a chick-chick
there
Here a chick, there a chick Everywhere a
chick-chick
Chicken
- Hey. - Hey.
How's she doing?
She?
Well, yeah. Don't you think it's a she?
I don't know.
I can't tell. Whatever it was, went back
in too quickly.
Anyway, I gotta change. I'm meeting some
of the cast for drinks.
Excuse me?
What?
I stayed home from work while you were at
rehearsal...
...so somebody could be here with our
chick.
Hey. Who was up from 2:00 this morning until
5:00 this morning...
...trying to get her back to sleep?
You don't think I get up when you get up?
Oh, here it comes.
Yes. Here it comes. I'm stuck here all day.
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And then you come in and spend two seconds
with us...
...and then expect to go off gallivanting
with your friends?
Well, I don't think so, mister.
Hey. I need to relax, okay? I was working
all day.
And you don't think taking care of our chick
is work?
That's not what I said. Okay, I just
meant...
I know what you meant.
Did you notice that ever since we got this
chick...
...we've been fighting a lot more than we
used to?
I don't know, maybe we weren't ready to have
a chick.
I'll take her back tomorrow.
You think we'll get our 3 bucks back?
- Hey. - Hey.
Oh. Hey.
Listen, I have that TV thing in, like, two
hours, and I need your help.
Okay, what do you think? This blue suit or
this brown one?
Well, the brown one brings out your eyes.
But your butt looks great in the blue one.
Really?
Wow. That aspirin dance really works.
Oh, my God. Is that still?
I'm fine. I'm fine.
- No, you're not. - Yes, I am.
- Rach. - Look, I'm fine.
Watch. Look at that. Uh-oh.
Okay, okay. Look, you've got to go to a
doctor, okay?
No, I have to get ready and go to a dinner
at my boss's house.
Very big deal. There's people there that
I have to meet.
Yeah, and I'm sure you're gonna make a great
impression. "Hi, I'm Rachel.
It's nice to meet you."
Come on, you probably have a broken rib.
Well, I will go to the hospital tomorrow.

It'll still be broken then.
But you know, I could use a hand getting
ready.
- Rachel. - Look, either help me or go.
Fine. I'll go.
Okay, but before you go, could you help me
first?
Sure. I'll help you.
Oh, good. Good.
Do you guys know how to get a chick out of
a VCR?
You know what? I cannot do this with my left
hand.
Would you please help me with this too?
- Okay. Let's use this brush. - Okay.
- This stuff? All right. - Yeah. Careful.
Light. Okay, you know, just sweep it across
the lid.
- Okay, just sweep it. - Okey-dokey.
- Oh. Hey. - Sorry.
- Ha, ha. That's poking me in the eye. -
Ha, ha.
I'm sorry. Close, close, close.
- Okay, just sweep it. - I'm sweeping.
- Right. - Sweep, sweep...
Okay, now make it even, because we don't...
- What? - We don't want it...
I don't want it to be too much. I want it
to be subtle.
You know, you don't wear enough of this.
Since when...? Since when do you think I
don't wear enough of this?
Well, I... Close your eye. I just think
you're gonna like this better because...
- Close, close. - Blow it.
Sorry.
Because, um, I think this will make you a
little more sophisticated.
Sophisticated like a hooker?
- Hey. - Hey.
- Guess what I'm doing tonight. - What?
I'm checking out the restaurant with Pete.
- Oh. Monica, I am so excited for you. -
I know.
Ooh, I have to tell you something.
- What? - Well, I can't tell you.
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-【123】-
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Okay, but wouldn't it be easier to tell me
something that you could tell me?
Well, sure, in a perfect world.
But no. I promised I wouldn't tell, and I
swore to, like, all my gods.
Okay.
Does it have to do with Ross and Rachel?
No.
- Does it have to do with Joey? - No.
Does it have to do with Chandler and that
sock that he keeps by his bed?
No, but let's come back to that later.
There you go. Good enough for your party?
Huh?
Sure.
Sure. I'll just sit next to the transsexual
from Purchasing.
Come on.
Okay, come on. All right, I gotta go. So
good luck at the party, okay?
Oh, wait, Ross. Could you just stay and help
me get dressed?
Sure. Okay.
Okay. Okay, great. Um, okay, just turn
around.
- What? - I don't want you to see me naked.
Rachel, I've seen you naked a million times.
I ate hot fudge off you naked.
I sucked that mini-marshmallow out of your
bellybutton.
Yeah, but that was different, you know? We
were going out then.
Now it's weird.
Rach, you know, I can see you naked anytime
I want.
What?
All I have to do is close my eyes. See?
Woo-hoo.
- Ross, stop that. - I'm sorry.
Come on. I don't want you thinking of me
like that anymore.
Uh, sorry. Nothing you can do about it.
It's one of my, uh, rights as the
ex-boyfriend.
Huh? Oh. Oh, yeah.
- Stop it. Cut it out. Cut it out. - Okay,

okay.
I'm sorry. It will never happen... Uh-oh.
Wait a minute. Wait, wait...
Now there are a hundred of you, and I'm the
king.
- Ross... - Oh, come on.
Would you grow up? It's no big deal.
All right. Fine.
Okay.
See what you did? I'm gonna be doing it by
myself now.
- Okay, that's it. Ow! - Oh, come on.
Oh, my God. All right, look, look, okay.
Rach. Easy. Easy. You have to go to the
hospital, okay?
- Okay, I do. I really do. - Okay.
Okay, I'm gonna get your coat, then I'll
put you in a cab.
Oh, wait, wait, you're not gonna come with
me?
Of course I am.
Uh, I just have to make a call.
- Okay. - Okay?
Thank you.
What's wrong?
I'm sorry. I just can't go to the hospital
looking like this.
- Does it involve travel? - No.
Does it involve clogs?
Wait, wait. Clogs or claws?
- Clogs. - No.
- Claws? - No.
Okay, so it doesn't involve Ross or Rachel
or Chandler or Joey.
- What about Pete? - No.
What is it?
- What about Pete? - I don't know.
Okay, I feel like I'm talking to Lassie.
- Phoebe, would you just tell me? - I can't.
- Okay, you know, I gotta go. - But you're
so close. No.
Something to do with Pete's company?
Ugh. Just go. You're never gonna get it.
I know.
See, yes. That's Yasmine Bleeth.
She's a completely different kind of chick.
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-【124】-
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I love you both.
But in very different ways.
- Hey. - Hey.
What are you doing? I though you were gonna
take her back.
I did. But the store wouldn't take her back.
So then I took her to the shelter. And you
know what I found out?
If they can't find a home for her, they kill
her.
And I'm not gonna let that happen to little
Yasmine.
Okay, good, good, good.
Because I was kind of having second
thoughts too.
Okay. And it's not just chicks, you know?
It's all kinds of other animals.
That's horrible. Well, you did the right
thing, man.
Thanks. I'm glad you see it that way.
Oh, funny story.
I don't believe this.
Wow, look at this refrigerator. It's
gigantic.
I mean, I could live in this thing. I'd be
cold, but I'm always cold.
Oh, my God. Look at these spider burners.
I love spider burners.
So you like it?
Oh, it is so perfect. Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
Did you just smell my hair?
No. No way. What? No.
- Oh, God. - What?
You still have feelings for me, don't you?
No. I'm just excited about the restaurant,
that's all.
- Pete? - Okay, I love you. Is that so bad?
No, it's not bad. It's not bad at all.
It's really nice.
Look, the only one who stands to get hurt
is me, and I'm okay with that.
Yeah, you may be okay with getting hurt...
...but I am not okay with being the one who
hurts you.
- That's why I can't take this job. - What?
 Friends.S03E21
Well, we probably shouldn't see each other Having a swim.
anymore. What about the chick?
I'm sorry. Chicks don't swim.
Okay. Yeah. Are you sure?
I mean, if that's really what you want, I don't know.
okay. - Should we try? - Sure.
Okay. Bye. See, I told you. They don't swim.
I'm sorry things didn't work out... - Well, give him a minute. - No.
Shut up for a second and let me just see Oh, it's okay. It's okay, baby, baby, baby.
something.
Okay, you'd tell me the truth, right?
- Rach, you can't look fat in an x-ray. -
Okay.
Hey, now, you stay out here and you think
about what you did.
- That's a duck. - That's a bad duck.
- How'd the thing go tonight, Ross? - Oh,
it was... No, no.
What thing? What thing?
Nothing. There was this thing at the museum.
Come on.
Easy.
Okay, now, when you come back...
...I hope you remember that that chick is
not a toy.
What thing? What is this thing?
Aw, I was kind of supposed to be on TV
tonight for the Discovery Channel.
Oh, my God.
Ross, why didn't you tell me that?
Ah, I knew that if I told you, you'd make
me go...
...and I knew you needed someone to be with
you tonight. Come on.
- Come on. - I cannot believe you.
- What? - That is the sweetest thing.
You should get some sleep.
Okay.
- So I'll, um... - I'm sorry I spoiled your
evening.
No, that's... No, as long as you're okay.
So I'll, uh... I'll see you tomorrow.
Mm-hm. Yeah.
See you.
What did you do?
What you doing?

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-【125】-

Friends.S03E22
Oh, Phoebe, are you still on hold?
I was supposed to call my dad back, like,
two hours ago.
Oh, yeah. He clicked on.
He said call him as soon as you get a chance.
- He's at Flimbees. - What's Flimbees?
Oh, yeah, that's the word I use when I can't
remember the real thing.
Okay, hang up. That's it. Come on.
No. Rachel, that's what they want me to do.
My warranty expires tomorrow. If I don't
get through...
...they're not gonna fix my crappy, broken
phone for free.
We cannot let them win. It's us versus them.
Yes.
- Hey. - Hi.
Uh, listen, I gotta double-check for
tickets tonight. Who got what?
- I have one. - I have one.
I need two. I'm bringing Pete.
My boyfriend.
I have a boyfriend now.
Two it is. Ross, how about you?
Uh, yeah, I, uh... I also need two.
Really? Who's number two?
Whose Number Two?
One of the more difficult games sewer
workers play.
Uh, no one, it's just this person.
Like a date-type person?
Yeah, kind of. Uh, it's this woman from
work.
I hope that won't be too weird. Will it,
Rach?
No. No, not at all. I was actually gonna
bring someone myself so...
But you said one ticket.
I meant me plus one.
Okay. Did, uh, you guys mean you plus one?
- All right. I'll see you tonight. - Okay.
- Okay. Bye-bye. - Bye.
Bye-bye.
Okay, I need a date.
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-【126】-
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Oh, hey. You guys are finally gonna get to
meet Kate.
And I, uh, borrowed some of your cologne.
I hope she likes it.
What are you doing? That's never gonna
happen.
- She's seeing somebody. - Yeah. And I don't
have any cologne.
- Green bottle next to the shaving cream.
- Oh. Worm medicine for the duck.
# So no one told you life was gonna be this
way #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love
life's D.O.A. #
# It's like you're always stuck in second
gear #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# your week, your month, or even your year
#
# but I'll be there for you #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# I'll be there for you #
# Like I've been there before #
# I'll be there for you #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
- Here you go. You can wear this. - Thanks.
Okay.
Oh, I'm setting the phone down.
But I'm still here.
Just don't go anywhere. I'm still here.
Don't switch or anything, because I'm right
here. Just one sec.
One sec. One second.
- Wait. One second. Just... - Phoebe?
What? Monica, I'm scared.
Okay. Honey, that's a sleeve, okay?
And we also have speakerphone.
Please stay on the line.
Your call is important to us.
You gotta hang up. Because we're gonna be
late.
Thank you for your patience. You're the
next caller.
Yes. Yes. I'm the next caller.
You were gonna have me hang up.
Hey.

Can you take a duck and a chick to the
theater?
- Of course not. - No.
Okay, I just wanted them to hear it from
somebody else.
- Hey. Hey, Rach. Hi. - Oh, hi, how are you?
- Good. - Hey. Ha, ha.
- Ahem. Looks like we're the first ones here.
- Yeah, looks that way.
First ones here.
Hmm. Oh, Tommy, this is Ross. Ross, Tommy.
- Hey. - Oh, I'm sorry. This is Cailin.
Cailin...
Sorry.
And break.
Okay, uh, I think I'm gonna run to the
ladies' room.
- Okay. I'll get our seats. - I'll join you.
So, uh... Well, this is, uh...
This is awkward.
Yeah?
Well, you know, because Rachel and I used
to go out. Ha, ha.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Well, then this is awkward.
- So, what do you? Oh. Yeah. - I think we're
here. Yeah.
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
I think you may be in our seats.
Um, no, I don't think so.
- Could we take a look at your ticket? -
Sure.
Yeah. Yeah, see, this says, "D-13."
- And... - Oh, well, I thought that...
You thought, huh? Yeah, well, that didn't
really work out too well for you. Idiot!
What are you, a moron? Huh? It says, "D-13."
Okay?
Look, you're surrounded by even numbers.
Does that give you some clue?
- Well, the usher told me... - Oh. Oh, the
usher must be right.
What, with all his training they go through.
Get out!
Here.
- Hey, man, you want the aisle? - No, I'm
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-【127】-
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good.
- There he is. - There's our star.
You were great.
So? So? What'd you think?
Almost as good as the play with the two
naked girls on the seesaw.
- I wasn't in that. - I know.
Hey, Kate, listen I want you to meet
everybody. Everybody, this is Kate.
- Excuse me. Excuse me. Sweetheart. - Hi.
Come.
So that's the girl you like.
I'm telling you, this guy Rachel is with
is crazy, okay?
He viciously screamed at total strangers.
I think he's bad news.
Wait a minute, wait a minute. You don't like
the guy Rachel's dating?
Well, that's odd.
Oh, hey, Lauren. Uh, you guys, this is
Kate's understudy, Lauren.
- Hi. - Hey, gosh, you look so familiar.
Oh, yeah. I ran into you in the hallway in
your building.
It was right after I slept with Joey. He
dumped me the next day.
So how'd you guys meet?
Well, uh, the short version is, I pursued
her for a couple of months.
Then I gave her a check for $20,000 and she
was mine.
Yeah, and in the long version, I dump him
for telling people the short version.
Joey, sweetheart, you were fabulous.
Hey, you guys, this is my agent, Estelle.
How do you do?
Oh, you two girls were outstanding.
Do they have representation?
They weren't in the play.
- Huh. We're not actors. - Oh. What a shame.
Because with her face and her chest...
...I could really put something together.
Could I borrow it?
Hi. Remember me?
Hi. Yeah. Ahem, Tommy's in line for the
bathroom...

...and someone just cut in front of him.
I think he's gonna snap.
- Ross, I'm gonna go. - Go? Why?
I don't know. Could be because I don't feel
like...
...standing around all night, waiting for
some guy who may or may not scream.
Oh, but Cailin...
...he definitely will scream.
Goodbye, Ross.
Oh, go, all right.
Here we go, people.
Ahem, "Boxing Day.
The Lucille Lortel Theatre..."
"Joey Tribbiani gives an uneven
performance.
But Mr. Tribbiani is not the worst thing
in this production."
Yes. Ha-ha-ha!
"Kate Miller's awkward and mannered
portrayal is laughable."
Here it is. "The direction...
...by Marshall Townend is..."
Thank you, boys and girls.
You've ruined my life.
Please stuff your talentless faces...
...with my mother's crab cakes.
Excuse me.
Does anyone mind if I save this?
- Hey. - Hey.
- Oh, is the play over? - Yeah, where were
you?
Thank you for your patience.
You're the next caller.
You were the next caller five hours ago.
You must be going crazy.
No, I've kept myself busy.
Oh, okay, yeah, I put your stuff in her room
and her stuff in your room.
Hey.
You okay?
Fabulous.
Listen, drama critics, they're nothing but
people who couldn't make it as actors.
- You know what you should do? - Become a
drama critic.
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-【128】-
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I am hurt.
A plague...
...on both your houses.
By the way, he dumped me tonight after he
read my review.
Oh, classy.
Yep.
I sure know how to pick them, huh?
You know I gave up a part on a soap for this?
Yeah, I, uh... I gave up a job too.
- Really? What? - Uh, declawing cats.
Hey, tell you what, let me walk you home.
We'll stop by every newsstand and burn
every copy of their Times and The Post.
- Why The Post? - You didn't see The Post?
- No. You? - No. Why?
You really think these newspapers are just
jealous of me?
Oh, absolutely. You're talented and you're
good-looking.
Aw, you're sweet and cute.
I know. That's why they trashed me.
- Wait. Wait a minute. - What?
I don't get you.
I mean, first you hate me.
Then you sleep with me.
Then you want nothing to do with me. Now
you want me again?
What? So you never went out with an actress
before?
Kate, do you even like me?
- Of course I do. - So how come you blew
me off?
- You know, how come you were with him? -
I don't know.
I just do this.
I always have to pick, like, the smartest
guy...
...or the most talented guy.
Why can't I just pick someone like you?
Thanks.
You know what I mean.
I mean, like, the sweetest guy.
Joey, you're just so...
You're so...
...so...

Okay. Okay, okay. Ha, ha.
Here we go. Let's get your feet up there.
Good night, Kate.
Sweet dreams.
I'm gonna put this can right here in case
you have to hurl.
Please stay on the line.
Your call is very important to us.
Pheebs, you've been up for 24 hours. Go to
sleep, honey.
- This isn't healthy. - No, no, I'm fine.
And you know why? Because of all the
riboflavin.
- Hey. - Hey.
Didn't you have that outfit on last night?
Yeah. I stayed at Kate's, but, uh, nothing
happened.
Hey, Pheebs, where were you?
I'm so, so sorry, Joey. I am definitely
gonna see your play.
I swear, your play is very important to us.
Thank you for your patience.
Your play is the next play I'm gonna see.
- Anyway, how'd it go with Kate? - Oh, it
was great.
Yeah, I walked her home...
...and it was amazing how much we connected,
you know?
Then she passed out.
But then she woke up. Yeah.
And we stayed up all night talking.
And now we're, like, totally crazy about
each other.
- Joey, you had "the night." - What?
When two people finally realize their
feelings for each other...
...and they talk for hours and they learn
all about the other person.
You think?
- Ha, ha. Did you learn about her family?
- Two brothers. One died.
- Yes. - Yeah.
This is from the woman at the bar.
Sorry. She thought you were somebody else.
- What time is it? - One.
Seven-fifteen.
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-【129】-
Friends.S03E22
Watch doesn't work.
Tommy's supposed to be here soon. We're
going to lunch.
Look. Look, I wasn't gonna say anything to
you, but...
All right, I don't think you should be
seeing Tommy anymore.
- You don't? - No.
The guy is mean. I mean, really mean. I
think you should stay away from him.
Hmm. Or maybe I should stay away from all
men.
No, it's not just because I'm jealous.
I mean, I'm not, I'm not. I'm not jealous,
okay?
Look, the guy, he screamed...
...he actually screamed at this couple
sitting in our seats.
Yeah, and at the end of the play, he...
He got up, you know, and he just started,
like, banging his hands together.
Okay, fine. Fine. You don't want to believe
me, no, that's fine.
- We're kidding. Ross. - Ross. Ross.
No one believe me. I'm Mr. Funny to you.
Mr. Funny.
Sorry, Tommy.
What's in the cup, Ross?
- Um. - What is in the cup?
Okay, it's coffee.
Iced coffee? Tell me it's iced coffee.
- It's hot... - Hot coffee!
You idiot! You gonna spill hot coffee all
over me, huh?
What are you? Just a big, stupid doofy idiot
with a doofy idiot hairdo?
What's your favorite thing about
summertime?
Hmm, going to the beach when it stays light
real late.
Yeah.
- Hey. - Tommy.
Say, what's your favorite thing about
summer?
Ooh, I don't know. Probably the, uh, smell
of freshly cut grass.
 Friends.S03E22
- Aw, that's a good one. - Yeah. Dumb Donald Dodo!
Hey, sorry. Sorry I'm late. My duck and my Step away from the duck.
chick had a fight. It was ugly. Ooh, sorry, little Mr. Chickadee.
- Look, we held the curtain for you. Let's Sorry you went doody in my hand!
go. - Okay. Well, I guess we're not going out anymore.
Vic. Where have you been, baby? Man!
- Where's Kate? - She got a job in L.A. - Joey. - Kate.
What? I'm so glad I caught you. I couldn't find
I've been waiting up all night for you. you before.
Where have you been? What's going on? What's all this about L.
Where have you been, Vic? A?
Oh, uh... Go to the window. They still want me for General Hospital.
I wanna run down to the truck and show you But what about us?
something. Last night was wonderful.
What do you got down there, Vic? But I can't stay here just for you.
What do you got under that tarp? Well, so stay for the museums.
When is she leaving? - I'm sorry. - Joey, on-stage.
Tonight. What are you doing? Well, can you stay till the end of the play?
I'm coming up. I mean, I'll go to the airport with you.
Hey, you mind if I use the phone? I want to say goodbye.
Why don't you use ours across the hall Where are you, Vic?
because she... Flight's in an hour. I gotta go.
...has problems. Vic?
Thanks. Vic?
Sorry, Tommy. I almost spilled this hot - Vic! - In a minute.
coffee on you. So this is it, Victor?
Ha, ha. Yeah, but you didn't. Ha, ha. Yeah. I guess it is.
No, but it's hot. Listen, I, uh...
Ross, would you just stop it? It's getting I gotta say goodbye, and I gotta say it
really old. quick because this is killing me.
I can't believe no one believes me. One thing you gotta know is that I will
I do. I believe you. never forget you.
You do, Pheebs? But you got things you have to do now.
Yeah. But I also believed her when she said And so do I.
I was next. And so...
Ooh, hey. ...I'm gonna get on this spaceship...
Hey there, little fella. ...and I'm gonna go to Blaargon-7 in search
Mr. Fuzzy-Man, how you doing? of alternative fuels.
Gross. But when I return 200 years from now...
Idiot! ...you'll be long gone...
Stupid, little, fuzzy, yellow creature! ...but I won't have aged at all.
"Oh, look at me. I'm so cute. I'm a little So you tell your great, great
chick who's disgusting!" granddaughter...
God, you're so stupid! How are you not yet ...to look me up.
extinct? Because, Adrianne...
What are you quacking about? ...baby...

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-【130】-
 Friends.S03E22
...I'm gonna want to meet her.
So long, Vic.
Phoebe, it's been two days.
Yeah, I know.
Ugh, good thing it's one of those 801
numbers, right?
Phoebe, 800 is toll free. 801 is Utah.
No, no, no.
It has to be 800 because all those big
companies have 800 numbers.
Every...
Yeah, every big Utah-based company has one.
Phoebe.
Sorry. I'm so sorry. I will pay you back.
And yet she's still not hanging up the
phone.
- Hang up. - Hang up the phone.
Fine. Fine.
What?
Well, I think I broke it.
But that's all right. Here's the number
where you can call.

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-【131】-

Friends.S03E23
Hey, wouldn't it be cool if our duck and
our chick had a little baby?
We could call it Chuck.
Or Dick.
- Hey. - Hey.
Listen, I need a favor.
I was in the shower, and as I was...
...cleansing myself, I, uh... Well, I felt
something.
Was it like a sneeze, only better?
No, no. I mean, like, a thing on my body.
Well, what was it?
Well, I don't know. It's kind of in a place
that's not...
It's not visually accessible to me. And I
was hoping maybe you guys...
...could help me out.
Whoa! No.
Come on, you guys. It's no big deal.
Hey, hey, hey.
Well, what is it? Is it a mole?
No, it's too wrinkly to be a mole.
Ew. Is it...? What, a pimple?
No, it's...
...fancier than a pimple.
- Look, Ross, just go see a doc... - Guys,
what's...?
Okay, well, it's definite. Two more weeks
of winter.
Yeah, right.
# So no one told you life was gonna be this
way #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love
life's D.O.A. #
# It's like you're always stuck in second
gear #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# your week, your month, or even your year
# - Well, what is it? - He couldn't even tell
# but I'll be there for you #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# I'll be there for you #
# Like I've been there before #
# I'll be there for you #
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-【132】-
Friends.S03E23
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
And, um, this is the coffeehouse. This is
where I play my music.
- Good deal. - Yeah, and these are my
friends.
People? This is Vince. Vince, the people.
Hi.
- Hey. - Vince is a fireman.
Wow. Have you ever rescued anyone from a
burning building before?
Ninety-eight hot saves. Highest on the
force.
Well, you know, if Joey and I play with
matches...
...we could get you up to an even 100.
Fire safety is not a joke, son.
You're right. I know.
Look, I gotta go. I'm on call tonight.
- See you Saturday. - Okay.
Wow, he's cute, Pheebs.
But I thought you just started dating that
teacher.
- Oh, Jason? - Yeah.
Uh-huh. We're seeing each other tonight.
Ahem.
Well, Pheebs?
Two dates in one day? That's so unlike you.
I know, I know. I'm, like, playing the field,
you know?
I'm juggling two guys. I'm sowing my wild
oats, you know?
You know, this kind of, like, you know,
oat-sowing, field-playing juggler.
So, Pheebs, do they know about each other?
Does a dog's lips move when he reads?
Okay, no, they don't know.
- Hey, guys. - Hi.
- Well? - How'd it go at the doctor's?
Well, he said there's definitely nothing
to worry about. It's totally benign.
me.
He said it was just some sort of skin
abnormality.
And the worse thing is, he said not being
able to identify it...

...he was reluctant to remove it.
You know what? You should go to my guy.
Because when I went in there with my third
nipple...
- ...he just lopped it right off, you know?
- Yeah?
So I guess I'm lucky.
I mean, not as lucky as people who are born
with two nipples.
At least they knew what yours was. You know?
Yours had a name.
Oh. Maybe they'll name yours after you.
You know? They'd call it The Ross.
And then people would be, like, "Oh, he's
got a Ross."
Yeah, that'd be cool.
Pete's breaking up with me.
What?
Yeah, I just checked my messages.
He said that when he gets back from Atlanta,
"We need to talk."
- And? - Well, that's it.
People never say, "We need to talk," unless
it's something bad.
Whoa. That doesn't necessarily mean he's
breaking up with you.
- Yeah. - Really?
Yeah. Maybe he just cheated on you.
And I know I'll never get rich doing it,
but I gotta tell you, it's pretty cool...
...knowing you're making a difference in
a kid's life.
That is so great.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
- Uh, we'd better call the fire department.
- No. No.
- No, no? - Well, we don't need a fireman.
We need, like, a good mechanic.
Oh, my God. Here they come. We gotta get
out of here.
Wait. Why?
Look, if I wanted to see a fireman, I would
date one, okay?
That's all it is, a third nipple.
You know? Just your run-of-the-mill third
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-【133】-
Friends.S03E23
nipple. Yeah.
You can take it off. Just slice that baby
right off.
Take your shirt off and let's see what we're
dealing with here.
What are you doing?
Just showing you my run-of-the-mill,
slice-it-right-off third nipple.
Well, that's not a third nipple.
First of all, it's on your ass.
Well, then what is it?
Wait a minute. Hold it.
- Jansen, will you come in here a moment?
- I'm with Hamilton.
He's good with weird things. Bring him in
too.
I gotta go water Pete's plants.
You know what? If he's gonna break up with
me, maybe I won't water his plants.
Well, if he's gonna break up with you, maybe
Joey and I should water his plants...
...if you know what I mean.
Or, ha, ha...
...we could go over there and pee on them.
I can't take it, you know?
I'm always afraid one of them is gonna catch
me with the other.
It's making me crazy.
Well, honey, why don't you break up with
one of them?
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What happened to playing
the field?
Well, it doesn't feel like playing anymore.
It's feels like work. It's like I'm working
in the field.
- So, Pheebs, pick one of them. - Yeah,
which one do you like more?
Well, Vince is great, you know? Because
he's, like, a "guy" guy.
You know? He's just so burly, so very burly.
Okay, good. So there you go. Go with Vince.
Yeah, but Jason's really sensitive.
Well, sensitive is important. Pick him.
Oh, sure. Go with the sissy.
Jason is not a sissy.
Oh, no, no, no. I meant Chandler.

You know, I have dinner plans.
Thank you so much for coming on such a short
notice.
Ladies and gentlemen, I've been practicing
medicine for 23 years...
...and I'm stumped.
Okay, this is the den.
All right, check this out. Lights.
Whoa. All right, less lights. Bad lights.
Lights, go away.
Aw, see? You just need to find the right
command.
Yes. And the dimmer switch.
Whoa. For a rich guy, that's a pretty small
TV.
No, no, no. That's the videophone.
But hey, guys, you're not supposed to be
here, so please don't touch anything.
IKEA, this is comfortable.
This place is amazing.
- Oh, God. That is the nicest kitchen. -
I know.
No, no. It's the nicest kitchen.
The refrigerator told me to have a great
day.
Look at this, a millionaire's checkbook.
Joey, put that down.
Oh, my God, that's Pete. Okay, get out.
- How the hell do you answer a videophone?
- Monica?
I guess that's how.
Hey, Monica, how's it going?
Oh, it's good. It's, um... It's good.
Just here, watering the plants.
Well, don't forget that ficus over there
by Rachel.
Ha. Chandler's on the couch.
Yeah, I see him. You guys are just the worst
hiders ever.
- Hi, Pete. - How you doing?
Uh, Pete, um...
The other day when you said you needed to
talk...
...um, just so I know, is it good news or
bad news?
Oh, it's good news. No, it's definitely
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-【134】-
Friends.S03E23
good news.
Hold on a second, I have another call.
Hey, how's it going?
No, no, no, it's still me.
No, it's not. I've got picture-in-picture
here.
Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'm gonna have to call
you back later.
Monica? You. I'm gonna have to call you
back.
Oh. Oh, okay. Um, so I'll see you soon.
- Okay. I love you. - I love you.
We love you too.
Okay.
Well, it's good news. It's good news.
- So, what do you think the good news is?
- Look at this.
He wrote a check for $50,000 to Hugo
Lindgren's Ring Design.
Oh. Sorry. Uh, what do you think the good
news is?
Oh, my.
Monica's gonna marry a millionaire.
Hey, you gotta get Mom on the phone. Call
Mom. Call Mom.
Hello?
And that's Pete's mom. Ha, ha.
No, Mon, you have to make it a theme
wedding.
And the theme could be:
"Look How Much Money We've Got."
You know? I mean, you could put money in
the invitations.
You could have, like, little-money place
settings.
And, uh, you could start with a money salad.
I mean, it'll be dry, but people will like
it.
Would you stop?
We've only gone out a couple of weeks. We
don't know if he'll propose.
Yes, but this is Pete, okay? He's not like
other people.
On your first date, he took you to Rome.
For most guys, that's like a third or fourth
date kind of thing.

Well, if that's what it is, then it's crazy.
Monica's right. We're talking about
getting married here.
Okay? She can't just rush into this.
Oh, what do you know? You married a lesbian.
All right. I gotta go. I have to break up
with Vince.
Oh. So you're going with the teacher, huh?
Yeah. I like Vince a lot, you know? But
Jason is so sensitive, you know?
And in the long run, I think sensitive is
better than having...
...just, like, a really, really, really
nice body.
Jason. Definitely Jason.
- Wish me luck. - Good luck.
Oh, my God.
Sorry. I was just imagining what it'd be
like to catch the money bouquet.
Excuse me. Um, is Vince here?
Oh, sure.
- Vince. - Yo.
Wow. I didn't know you guys actually used
those.
So, what's up?
This isn't gonna be easy. Um...
I don't think we should see each other
anymore.
Good deal.
- I'm sorry. - No, it's okay.
It's just that, uh, I thought we had
something pretty special here.
An you know, I felt like you were someone
I could finally open up to.
There's so much in me I haven't shared with
you yet.
- Oh, my God. I didn't know you were so...
- I'm sorry. I can't talk.
I'm gonna go write in my journal.
Wait. Wait. Wait.
I'm telling you, if you wanna take care of
that thing, go see my herbal guy.
Thank you, but I wanna remove it, Pheebs.
I don't wanna make it savory.
You know, when girls sleep with guys with
weird things on their body...
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-【135】-
Friends.S03E23
...they tell their friends about it.
Give me that.
Hi. Okay, don't be mad at me, but I couldn't
resist.
Bride's magazines?
Yes, and I know that you said you'd say no
if he asked you...
...but I'm sorry, how great would you look
walking down the aisle...
...in this Donna Karan?
Oh, you so would.
Oh, you should get that anyway.
Well, for clubbing.
It is so weird.
I know what I said. But, um, this morning...
...I was lying in bed, I was imagining what
it'd be like to say yes.
I know it's a little sudden, and it's
rushed...
...and it's totally not like me to do
something like this.
But that doesn't mean I can't. Right?
I mean, I'm crazy about Pete.
And I know that we want the same things.
And when I thought about saying yes...
...it made me really happy.
Oh, my God.
I know.
I need more pie.
Hey, Mon, um, if you do get married, can
I bring two guests?
You didn't break up with that fireman?
No, that was my way of telling you.
Well, it turns out he's incredibly
sensitive.
He keeps a journal and he paints.
He even showed me charcoal drawings that
he drew of me.
He'd prefer watercolors, but, you know, he
has easy access to a lot of charcoal.
So then are you gonna dump Jason?
Well, yeah, because I have to break up with
someone and...
Okay, so Jason is sensitive. But now, so
is Vince.
Plus Vince has the body. You know?
 Friends.S03E23
So... talk to you about.
It's really just about the math. Oh, right. I completely forgot about that.
- Jason. - Yeah, come on in. Well, uh...
Uh, Phoebe, you sounded serious on the I've been doing a lot of thinking.
phone. And I look at my life...
Is, uh, anything wrong? Yeah?
No. - And I feel like I've conquered the
You must be Ross. business world.
- Hi. - I am Guru Saj. And I feel like I've conquered the
Listen, I gotta tell you, I've never been intellectual world.
to a guru before, so... And now I have the most beautiful woman in
Well, relax. If it makes you feel any better, the world.
I've attended... But there's one thing missing.
...some of the finest medical schools in What's that?
Central America. It's time for me to conquer the physical
Well, then, let's take a look at this skin world.
abnormality of yours. Okay.
Come on, have a seat. Monica? I wanna become...
Aha. As I suspected, it's a kundus. ...the Ultimate Fighting Champion.
What's a "kundus"? You wanna what?
I don't know. What's a kundus with you? I wanna become the Ultimate Fighting
Please lie down. Champion.
I've got a salve that ought to shrink that It's the most intense physical competition
right up. in the world.
Well, I guess it's worth a try. It's banned in 49 states.
Oh, sure. We should see results... What are you talking about?
Whoa! Clearly not the way to go. Okay, my trainer, Hoshi, is teaching me...
What? What? ...a combination of Jeet Kune Do and
We appear to have angered it. Brazilian street-fighting.
We? We angered it? I even had my own octagon training ring
Oh. I think I see the problem. designed.
And I'm afraid we're gonna have to use a And I suppose you used a ring designer for
much stronger tool. that.
Oh, God. Yeah.
Ross, there is absolutely no way this is Monica, I want you there in the front row
gonna come off... when I win.
...unless you start to... I want you close enough to smell the blood.
What was that? What do you think?
Well, it's gone. My parents will be so happy.
How's that? # Crazy underwear Creeping up my butt #
Got caught in my watch. # Crazy underwear Always in a rut #
Hey, ha, ha. # Crazy underwear #
Lights. Oh, no. What is he doing here?
Uh, romantic lights. All right, just keep playing, just keep
Ooh, nice. Ha, ha. playing.
So, uh, there was this thing I wanted to You'll get through this. You'll be fine.

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-【136】-
 Friends.S03E23
Okay, thank you. middle of a wooded area.
And as always, no one talk to me after the Everything's gonna be all right.
show. Okay, Dick?
Hey. Hello. I am Guru Saj.
I just was passing by and saw you were He's supposed to be a duck, right? Because
playing. otherwise...
This is kind of cool, seeing you up there. ...this is way out of my league.
Well, hey. Yeah, yeah. He's got a really bad cough,
Whoa, hey, hey. and our vet, he can't do anything about it.
What's going on here? Who's this guy? Is there something you can do?
I don't know. He just started kissing me. Let me see.
Get him, Vince. Let me see.
- What? - What? Do you think you could get him to eat a bat?
Yeah, okay, I've been dating both of you.
And it's been really horrible, because, you
know, it's been...
...a lot of fun for me.
But I like you both...
...and I didn't know how to choose.
So I'm sorry. I'm terrible. I'm a terrible
person. I'm terrible.
Phoebe, Phoebe. Relax. It's okay. I mean...
We never said this was exclusive.
Yeah, neither did we. So give yourself a
break.
Really?
Yeah, I mean, you know, we haven't been
going out that long.
Come on, we haven't even slept together yet.
Ha, ha.
You haven't?
- You have? - Okay, well, this is none of
my business.
I can't believe this. You slept with him?
Well, I made you a candlelight dinner in
the park.
You know, Phoebe, I'm gonna make this real
easy for you.
Well, that could've been really awkward.
You made him a candlelight dinner in the
park?
Yeah, but I can do that for you. I'm gonna
do that for you.
You know, I can't believe I went out with
somebody...
...who'd actually have an open flame in the

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-【137】-
 Friends.S03E24
me a napkin?
Friends.S03E24 Just give me the thing, all right?
Do you think there's a town in Missouri or Enough!
someplace... And you are no longer my friend!
...called Sample? We are finished! Nada! No more!
And as you're driving into the town, You are a bastard for doing that!
there's a sign and it says: Stay away from me!
"You're in Sample." Come back!
- Hey. - Hey. So what were you gonna tell us?
- How did it go with Pete? - Tell us. I have no idea.
You're not gonna believe this. So I go... # So no one told you life was gonna be this
I'm sorry. Excuse us. way #
- It's a little crowded. Do you mind? - # Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love
Could you skooch? life's D.O.A. #
Move over just a little bit. # It's like you're always stuck in second
Keep on skooching. gear #
Thank you. # When it hasn't been your day, #
So, guys, listen. I go over there and, you # your week, your month, or even your year
know, I'm... #
Why? What is wrong with me? # but I'll be there for you #
- What's the matter? - Tim... # When the rain starts to pour #
...I have a feeling... # I'll be there for you #
...my wife is sleeping with her # Like I've been there before #
gynecologist. # I'll be there for you #
How do you know? # 'Cause you're there for me too #
- He's got access. - I know. What was the big news Pete wanted to tell
It's a feeling you get. you?
Like when you're in somebody else's bowling Or should I say, "Mrs. Monica Becker"?
shoes? Oh, keep your name. Don't take his name.
That's the one. He didn't ask me to marry him.
- So you went to Pete's. - What happened? Then definitely don't take his name!
Why is this happening to me? He wanted to tell me he's going to compete
Maybe it's my wound. in some Ultimate...
Forget it. ...Fighting Competition thingy.
It's not healed yet? - Pete? - Why? What is it?
It's oozing! I don't know exactly. It's sort of like
Would you pass the cream? There's the wrestling.
cream. But without the costumes.
Thank you very much. And it's not fake. It's totally brutal.
Tomas, this is gonna be hard, but I wanted It's two guys in the ring and the rules are,
it to come from me. "There are no rules"!
- What is it? - I've been sleeping with your You can bite and pull people's hair and
wife. stuff?
You're the gynecologist? Anything goes except eye-gouging and
I'm trying to have a private conversation. fish-hooking.
Can I have a napkin? Could you please hand - What's fish-hooking? - What's

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-【138】-

fish-hook...
Thanks. That would have been hard to
describe.
What is that taste?
My hands are totally clean. I just gave the
duck a bath.
Thanks for the warm welcome.
It's good to have you guys on my team. I
come to play. I hope you do too.
Let's go out there and get them! And
remember:
There is no I in "team."
Yes, but there's two in "martini." So,
everybody, back to my office.
You! Chuckles. What's your name?
It's Bing, sir. I'm sorry. I was just...
No, no. I heard what you said. Funny. I like
funny.
This team's about hard work, but it's also
about having fun.
Good to have you aboard, Bing!
That's right. Ryder.
Winona Ryder for six.
Thank you.
- Yeah. We have the reservations. - Yes!
All right, buddy! Way to go!
Dude, what are you doing?
Thank you. My boss keeps slapping my butt
and acting like it's no big deal.
What'd you do about it?
I didn't do anything. I didn't want to be
the guy...
...who has a problem with his boss slapping
his bottom.
I gotta tell you, I think it's okay to be
that guy.
Maybe it's that jock thing.
You know, how football players pat each
other after touchdowns.
You know, I don't understand guys.
I mean, I would never congratulate Monica
on a great stew...
...by, you know, grabbing her boob.
I know. For a really great stew, you'd
just...
...stick your head in between them.
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-【139】-
Friends.S03E24
Can we please go eat?
- Yeah, what are we getting? - Anything but
stew.
So from now on, don't give your boss a
chance to get you.
Don't turn your back to him.
Or you could teach him a lesson, you know?
What you do is rub something that smells
really bad on your butt, right?
Then when he goes to smack you, his hand
will smell.
Now, what could you rub on your butt that
would smell bad?
What if Joey was President?
Can I ask you something?
- Yeah. - Okay, you can totally say no...
...but would it be okay with you if I set
Ross up on a date?
Oh. Uh, with who?
My friend Bonnie. She always thought Ross
was cute...
...and she asked if I could set it up.
- But if that's not cool... - Which one is
Bonnie?
You remember her from my birthday party?
Average height...
...medium build, bald...
That's fine.
Great! Okay! Good for you! All right!
You are iron! You are steel!
Let me ask you, how come when I call your
computer support line...
...I have to wait an hour and a half?
We're adding operators all the time. Could
we concentrate on my training?
It's just hard when I know I have e-mail
I can't get.
- Hi. - Monica!
Hi, honey.
On the table. On the table, please.
Hey, um, so listen, my friends were telling
me a little bit about...
...this Ultimate Fighting thing.
It sounds really dangerous.
I don't want you to get hurt, because I kind
of like you.
 Friends.S03E24
I don't want to get hurt either. I'm being Ooh. Barely got you that time. Get over
smart about this. here!
See these guys? They're the best trainers Come on.
in the world. Oh, yeah! Good one.
Hoshi was a paid assassin. That was a good one. Keep at it, team!
A housepainter! He used to be a - What is with him? - "With him"?
housepainter! You're his favorite. You're his guy!
- Promise me you'll be careful. - I promise. We never get smacked.
Are we still on for tonight? Good. That's not true. He smacked you once.
Because... Not on purpose. He ricocheted off you and
...maybe we could have a little workout of got me.
our own. I'm telling you, I need some smacks.
No! No boom-boom before big fight! I got a kid starting Dartmouth.
How about just a boom? Dartmouth? Who went to Dartmouth?
That was depressing. I just bought a Dartmouth sucks!
pretzel... - You go to Dartmouth? - No, sir.
...from one of the kids from Fame. There you go! Ha-ha-ha.
- Ready to go to the movies? - Mm-hm. Oh, Hey.
this is Bonnie! God, Ross! What is that?
Hi. The Ultimate Fighting Combo.
This is Bonnie? I saved 30 cents. Plus I get to keep the
This is Bonnie? You're Bonnie? cup. Yay!
I can show you an I.D. If you want. AFrom New York City, New York...
Oh, no. You look a lot different than the ...appearing in his Ultimate Fighting
last time I saw you. Championship debut...
Oh, yeah. Well, I just started wearing bras ...he's known for his confrontational
again. business style!
Oh, that must be it. Ladies and gentlemen, introducing...
Have fun tonight. ...Pete Becker!
Thanks. You too. I love you, Pete!
You said she was bald. And his opponent from Huntington Beach,
She was bald. She's not now. California...
How could you not tell me she has hair? ...he's a 300-pound street fighter...
I don't know. I hardly ever say that about ...Tank Abbott!
people. Pete? Pete?
Oh, well this is just perfect! - That guy's pretty huge. - Don't worry.
Well, I'm sorry. I thought you said it was I'll use his strength and weight against
okay. him.
I said it was okay when I thought she was Well, then that guy is in serious, serious
some weird bald chick. trouble.
That girl has got hair all over her head! You go get him. Let's go!
- Maybe Ross won't like her personality. Here we go, gentlemen.
- Does she have a bad personality? Are you ready?
Oh, no, Bonnie's the best! Are you ready? Then let's get it on!
Bing! It's me.
Read your CompuTek proposal. Real home run. Monica.

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-【140】-
 Friends.S03E24
Can I just tell you how proud I am of you? Oh, I gotta tell you, I wasn't expecting
It would be nice after hearing 20,000 to like her at all.
people chant, "You suck!" I actually wasn't expecting to like anyone
I thought you were nuts at first... right now.
...but you did it. But she's really terrific.
Now you can just look back at this with no It's too bad.
regrets. No, I'm saying I liked her.
Look back? There are other fish in the sea.
You're not gonna keep going? I think she's great, okay? We're going out
Let me ask you a question: Am I the Ultimate again.
Fighting Champion? I hear you. Are you capable of talking about
Well, no. But... anything else?
I'm not gonna stop until I'm the Ultimate Which one's my turkey burger?
Fighting Champion. The one next to my foot. Sorry.
That guy stood on your neck until you passed - Fight's starting! - We'll be right in.
out. So did your boss try to slap you again
Let me tell you a story. today?
When I set out to create MOSS 865, do you Nine times.
think it happened overnight? I had to put on lotion.
No. There was MOSS 1 that burned down my But it'll be okay. Tomorrow, I conduct an
dad's garage. experiment.
There was MOSS 2 that would only schedule And if all goes as planned, my butt will
appointments in January. be smack-free.
And 862 others that I learned from. Fight's over!
Just like I learned from this fight never Excuse me, Doug?
to let a guy stand on my neck. Hey there, sports fan!
You didn't know that already? Bing! You got those numbers for me?
Look, I'm gonna get better. No. I didn't do them.
Okay? I promise you. Oh. You forgot?
Okay. No, I just didn't do them.
Just get a lot better. Instead, I hung out with some friends and
Fast. had a couple of beers.
One other thing. So I certainly don't deserve praise.
Hoshi thinks you being ringside may have Verbal...
affected my concentration. ...or otherwise.
Yeah. I got tanked myself last night. Pretty
That was the problem. dicey drive home.
- How long until Pete's fight? - About five Tappan Zee Bridge never looked smaller. Ha,
minutes. ha.
They're interviewing his opponent. That's okay. You're still my number one guy!
Apparently, he trains by going to Iran and Bing!
pulling the arms off thieves. Doug!
- Wow. Ha, ha. Hot dog? - Four, please. I'm a little bit uncomfortable with the way
I'm really nervous. that you express yourself.
Thank you. Is it the swearing? Is it the constant
So how did it go with Bonnie? swearing?

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-【141】-

Because I gotta tell you, if it is, you can
just kiss my ass!
No. It's not about the swearing. It's more
about...
...the way that you occasionally...
...concentrate your enthusiasm...
...on my buttocks.
Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the
sentiment.
It's just that I have a rather sensitive
posterior.
And besides, it's making all the other guys
jealous.
Well, say no more. You know, it takes guts
to bring this up.
Bing, you're okay.
Okay.
Would you rather live in the shirt pocket
of a sweaty giant...
...or inside his shower drain?
Oh, my God.
Look. It's Ross and that girl.
Look at that! It's a line of ants! They're
working as a team!
Right. Oh, yeah. It looks like Ross is
breaking up with her.
I hope he lets her down easy.
Look at that! They are not breaking up! Look
at them!
You know what that is? A second date, that's
what that is.
Look, she just put her hand on his thigh.
That's nothing. She's very sexually
aggressive.
Oh, God!
It's your fault. Now he loves her. He'll
marry her. It's all your fault.
You said it was okay.
You said she was bald!
Was! Was, was, was!
We can't let it happen. We have to do
something. We have to break them up.
Just go in there and shave her head! You
owe me one bald girl!
Okay, first of all, breathe.
Second of all, I don't get it.
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-【142】-
Friends.S03E24
Aren't you the one that decided you didn't
want to be with Ross?
Yes.
Well, isn't he your friend? Don't you want
him to be happy?
Yes.
So?
It's just, you know, I didn't expect him
to be this happy so soon.
- Oh, no. - What?
We killed them all!
It's not as bad as it looks. It's a
precaution.
I'm not supposed to move my spine.
Please tell me you're stopping now.
I'm fine. I'd fight tonight if they'd let
me.
Now, see this circle I'm marking off here?
This is my Zone of Terror.
You are insane! You've got to give this up!
I can't until I'm the Ultimate Fighter.
I will do it.
The day will come when children will argue
over who will win a fight...
...me or Superman.
Not that I could beat Superman, but kids
are stupid.
Just sit down.
Please listen to me.
You are terrible at this, okay? You are the
worst Ultimate Fighter ever.
Ever!
I have a torn rotator cuff, a hairline
fracture in my right forearm...
...and a severely bruised Adam's apple, but
that really hurt.
Well, then you know what?
I care about you too much to watch you hurt
yourself like this.
So if you have to do this, you'll have to
do it without me.
If you're asking me to quit...
...then you're asking me to be someone I'm
not.
I've got to do this.
Then I've gotta go.
 Friends.S03E24
Bye.
- Monica? - Yes?
Could you leave a note? I'm on
painkillers...
...and I might not remember this tomorrow.
So, in conclusion, the lines all go up, so
I'm happy.
Great job, team! Tomorrow at 8:30.
Phil, nice job! Stevens, way to go!
Goldberg, you maniac!
I love you!
- Bing, couldn't have done it without you.
- Thank you, sir.
Oh, excuse me.
I forgot my briefcase, you know, by
accident.
Of course you did. Forgot something else
too, you bastard!
Well, what about you?
You're not feeling left out, are you?
No, not at all. That's ridiculous.
Everybody else got one, and you want one
too. Don't you?
Yes, I do.
Now, get on out of here, you!
Pete Becker circles the ring.
Looks like he's just trying to feel him out.
Bruiser is charging!
Run, you crazy, rich freak!
I can't watch this.
Check it out! Pete's winning!
- Really? - No!
Uh-oh, Bruiser has Becker on the canvas and
is going for his favorite area!
Wait! If that's his favorite area, why is
he being so mean to it?
This is ironic.
Your last boyfriend, Richard, didn't want
to have kids.
And from the looks of it, now Pete can't.

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-【143】-

Friends.S03E25
So, uh, your first sexual experience was
with a woman?
All right, I was 15. It was my best friend,
Ruth...
...and we got drunk on that hard cider.
And then suddenly, I don't know, we were
making out.
Tell it again.
Seriously.
Is that woman capable of talking about
anything else but sex?
Yeah, sure. Well, you know, earlier, she
was talking about geography.
Joey, she was listing the countries she's
done it in.
Well, I think we all learned something.
Hey, you guys. Look what I found. Look at
this.
That's my mom's writing. Look.
"Me and Frank and Phoebe, graduation,
1965."
- Do you know what that means? - That you're
actually 50?
No, no. That's not "me" Phoebe. That's her
pal, Phoebe.
According to her high school yearbook, they
were BFF.
Best friends forever.
- That's great. - That is so cool.
I know. So this woman probably could...
Like, has all kinds of stories about my
parents.
And she might even know where my dad is.
So I looked her up and she lives by the
beach.
So maybe this weekend we can go to the
beach.
- Yeah, we can. -Yeah.
- Shoot, I can't go. I have to work. - That's
too bad.
Aw, big fat bummer.
So great. Okay, tomorrow we're gonna drive
out to Montauk.
Hey, Bonnie had sex there.
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-【144】-
Friends.S03E25
# So no one told you life was gonna be this
way #
# Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love
life's D.O.A. #
# It's like you're always stuck in second
gear #
# When it hasn't been your day, #
# your week, your month, or even your year
#
# but I'll be there for you #
# When the rain starts to pour #
# I'll be there for you #
# Like I've been there before #
# I'll be there for you #
# 'Cause you're there for me too #
Would you look at them?
I'm never gonna find a boyfriend again.
I'm gonna die an old maid.
You're not gonna die an old maid.
Maybe an old spinster cook.
- Thanks. - Hey, besides, worse comes to
worse...
...I'll be your boyfriend. - Ha-ha-ha.
Yeah, right.
Why is that so funny?
You made a joke, right?
So I laughed.
A little too hard.
What, am I not, uh, boyfriend material?
No. You're Chandler.
You know. Chandler.
Okay, so we've established my name, and hit
me.
But theoretically, say we weren't friends.
Say it's a blind date.
I show up at your door and I'm, like, uh:
"Hey, nice to meet you. Hey. Hey."
I'd probably be scared of a guy using a fake
voice.
- Hey. - Oh, hey. Oh, good. You bought food.
No, just my luggage.
- Hey. - Hey, guys.
All right. Yeah.
Oh, I am having the best karma this week.
First, I find this woman who knew my
parents...

...and then my client with the fuzzy back
gives me his beach house.
What about that, uh, bike messenger you
hit?
Oh, I wasn't talking about his karma.
- Hey. - Hey.
Hey, check out the hat.
Wait a minute, I know that hat.
I was taken aboard that hat.
They did experiments on me.
I can't have children.
Seriously, where did you get the hat?
Ross gave it to me.
- Aw, I think she looks good. - Thank you.
Did he buy it for you...
...or win it for you?
Well, excuse me, my fashion-impaired
friends...
...I'm here to tell you that hats are back.
And this time, they've ganged up and formed
one giant super-hat.
Go, go, go.
Now everybody wants to be under the hat.
What's with all this sand?
Oh, yeah. Bob said there might be flood
damage.
Either that or he has a really big cat.
Well, yes, it's kind of an unusual house.
It has, um, three beautiful bedrooms and,
uh, no baths.
But, you know, the ocean is right there.
Knock, knock, knock.
Hang on a second. Come in, come in.
All right, so think about it and call me
back.
- Are you Phoebe Abbott? - Uh, yes.
Surprise, Phoebe Abbott. I'm your best
friend's daughter.
You're Irwin's daughter?
I know. I mean, your old best friend. Here.
- Lily? From high school? Remember? - Oh,
God. Lily. Yes.
Of course I remember Lily.
I... Then you must be...
Phoebe, Phoebe.
Phoebe, yeah. She named me after you, I
第 2 页 共 6 页
-【145】-
Friends.S03E25
guess.
Uh-huh. Wow. Well. Look, there's Frank.
Yeah. Yes. Yes, yes.
That's my dad. That's Frank. Ha, ha.
I'm sorry I'm getting all flingy.
Take it easy. If you want, there's cookies
on the counter.
- Or sangria. I could make sangria. - No,
no.
Sorry. Cookies are good, thanks.
So, um, anyway, um, I've been looking for
my father and, um...
- Have you heard from him or seen him? -
Oh, no, I'm sorry.
I guess I lost track of everybody after high
school.
Okay.
Well, so tell me everything about my
parents. Everything.
Oh, well, you know, we were always
together.
The other kids had a nickname for the three
of us.
- Oh, what? What was it? - The Three Losers.
Oh, poor Lily.
You know, I heard about what happened. That
must have been just terrible for you...
...losing your mother that way.
Yeah, no, it was great.
You know what a really good rainy-day game
is?
- What? - I mean, naked game.
Strip poker. We should play strip poker.
- No. - Are you crazy?
Come on. When you go away, you have to play.
It's, like, a law.
- All done. - Aw, thank you.
Okay. Who's next?
No.
No way.
Come on, please. I'm bored. You let me do
it once before.
Yeah, well, if, uh... If that's the rule
this weekend...
- Get away. - Take it like a man, Ross. Come
on.

- No, no. - Oh, come on.
Big bullies.
No, no, no.
- Hey. - Hey.
Oh. So how are we doing?
Bored and bored.
Hey, you know what naked card game's never
boring?
No.
So, what's Phoebe like?
I'm kind, caring and sweet. What's Monica
like? Ha, ha.
Uh, no, the other Phoebe. The one you went
to see?
Oh, I think she knows where my dad is.
- What? - Cool.
Well, where is he?
She was pretending like she hasn't heard
from him in years...
...but I found this picture on her fridge.
Look, isn't this what he would look like
now?
- Totally familiar. - Yeah.
- Oh, yeah. - Yeah.
Why would she lie to you?
I don't know, but we're having dinner
tomorrow.
I figured she's gonna tell me then.
You know, maybe she just wanted to give him
time...
...to buy me presents. I don't know. Ha,
ha.
- So you're all bored? - Yes.
All right, I'm gonna close my eyes and point
to someone.
And whoever I point to has to come up with
something fun to do. And we have to do it.
- Okay. All right. Fan out. Fan out. - Okay.
Okay.
Ooh, you know, we could just do this.
Okay, um...
We all have to play strip poker?
Oh, yes!
Strip Happy Days game?
Yeah, well, I couldn't find any cards, so
it was either this...
Friends.S03E25
...or Strip Bag-of-Old-Knitting-Stuff.
Done.
Okay.
"Fonzie gives you two thumbs up. Collect
two cool points."
- Yeah. - Yeah.
Get five cool points, you get to make
someone take off one item of clothing.
It hasn't happened yet, but we're all very
excited.
Okay, come on.
Daddy needs a new pair of electromagnetic
microscopes...
...for the Prehistoric Forensics
department.
Okay. "Take Pinky Tuscadero up to
Inspiration Point.
Collect three cool points." Yeah.
Which gives me five.
And let's see, who is gonna lose their
clothes?
Um, I think I pick our strip poker sponsor,
Mr. Joey Tribbiani.
All right, relax. It's just a shoe.
"Your band is playing at Arnold's. Collect
three cool points."
Which means I have five, and that means I
get Joey's boxers.
Fine. Gang up on me.
I got you all right where I want you.
Come on. Take them off.
Actually, you know, it's kind of cold.
So how about I keep my boxers on and give
you all a peek at the good stuff?
All right, I'm gonna make more margaritas.
Whoa, hey, what are you doing? Trying to
get me drunk?
I'm just making margaritas.
Think I'll help her out.
- What is going on here? - What?
- You're painting his toenails. - Oh, come
on.
- Chasing him around the room. - Monica,
please.
He's totally flirting with you too.
He is, isn't he?

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-【146】-

I don't know. I don't know. Maybe it's just
being here at the beach together...
...or but it's like something...
Hey.
- Hi, Bonnie. - Hi.
My boss let me off early, so I took the
train.
What are you guys doing?
We're playing Strip Happy Days game.
Cool. I'll catch up.
So you still don't think...
...I'm boyfriend material?
Saw you checking me out during the game last
night.
- You didn't even take off your pants. -
Yeah, well, lucky for you.
- What? - I don't know.
Well, is everybody else having just the
best time?
Joey's asleep.
After he passed out, we put sand around him
to keep him warm.
Well, I assume the, uh, happy couple isn't
up yet?
Did you guys hear them last night?
Oh, yeah. I don't know what they were
doing...
...but sea turtles actually came up to the
house.
Morning.
- How'd everybody sleep? - Great.
Like a log.
Us too.
I'm going for a walk.
Good morning. Nice breasts, by the way.
Hey, what happened to you?
Oh, uh, nothing. I just felt like hanging
out here and reading.
Oh, the water was so great.
We jumped off this pier and my suit came
off.
Oh. Sorry I missed that.
Joey and Chandler sure are funny.
I think I brought back half the beach in
my hair.
It was so much easier when I used to shave
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-【147】-
Friends.S03E25
my head.
You know, I gotta tell you...
...I just loved your look when you were
bald.
Really?
Because I think about shaving it all off
again sometimes.
- Really? - Yeah.
I mean, you definitely should do that.
- You know what? I should do it. - Yeah.
You know what? Thank you, Rachel. You are
so cool.
Oh, stop. Go on.
- Now, go shave that head. - All right.
What's the matter, Pheebs?
She canceled. My namesake canceled on me.
- What? - She claims she had to go out of
town.
She's avoiding me.
She doesn't want to tell me where my father
is.
She knows and she won't tell.
Aw, Pheebs, that sucks.
Yeah, well, don't "Aw, Pheebs, that sucks"
me yet.
- Where are you going? - Well, she's out
of town.
So there's gotta be something in her house
that tells me where my father is.
Uh, Pheebs, some people call that "breaking
and entering."
- Well, are any of those people here? - Oh,
no.
Okay. Look, I'll do something nice, okay?
I'll fill her ice trays. Good?
Hey, everybody.
Ha, look what you did.
- You wanna touch it? - No, but it's great.
Come on, touch it.
Okay.
You can feel all the bones in your skull.
- Hi. - Hi.
I was having a little chat with Bonnie, and,
uh, guess what.
She happened to bring up, you know...
...who was behind the whole, um,
 Friends.S03E25
head-shaving idea. Good night.
And now, who was it? Oh, that's right. I'm going upstairs.
That's right, it was you. - Good night. - Night.
That was her idea. Wanna play strip poker for practice?
I just gave her a nudge. My ass.
She said you gave her the razor. Okay.
- Yo. - Hey. Okay, good.
So anyone up for a midnight dip in the No! Oh, it's me. It's me.
ocean? - I didn't wanna make any noise. - Then
- Uh, no, I'm good. - No, thanks. don't break in.
- Okay, I'll see you in a bit. - Okay, have - I'm sorry. - What are you doing here?
fun. Bye. I came to fill your ice-cube tray.
Come on, see? She doesn't look that bad. What?
You can see the moonlight bouncing off her Um, okay.
head. Okay, look. Huh. Ahem.
- What the hell were you thinking? - I don't I took this picture from your fridge, okay?
know. Because I know that this is my father.
You don't know? Rach, you balded my Yeah, this is Frank Buffay, and you were
girlfriend. standing right there next to him.
All right. Ross. Now, look, I deserve to know where I came
Do you think it's easy for me to see you from.
with somebody else? All right? So if you can help me find my
You know what? You're the one who ended it. father, then you should.
Yeah, because I was mad at you. Not because Otherwise, you're just mean.
I stopped loving you. So just tell me the truth.
- You still love me? - No. All right.
You still love me. The man in that picture is Chuck Mangione.
Yeah, so? You love me. My father is Chuck Mangione?
No... Mm. No, no. That's just Chuck Mangione.
What does this mean? What do you...? I sold him a house last year.
I mean, do you want to get back together? And I'm very sorry, but I really don't know
No. Maybe. where your father is.
I don't know. And that's the truth.
Ross... But, um, you're right.
I still can't forgive you for what you did. I think that a person should know where they
I just... But sometimes when I'm with you, come from.
I just feel so... Which is why I, uh...
What? Okay...
I just... I feel... I'm your mother.
- I just... - What? You know, I wanted to tell you yesterday,
I feel... but I just...
No. I don't care. I felt all floopy, and...
I'm not playing one-on-one strip poker with I'm telling you. You guys are getting back
you for practice. together.
But I made cards. That's not true. She doesn't even know what
Well. she wants.

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-【148】-
 Friends.S03E25
Rachel's still mad about the whole thing.
Okay, well, then you gotta back away. You
don't need that kind of hurt.
Take it from a guy who's...
...never had a long-term relationship.
I know, but I really want to go up there
and finish that kiss.
Hey.
You guys, the water is great. You should
really go in.
Oh, uh, no, thanks. I just had an M&M.
Okay. Well, good night.
Good night.
- Don't be too long. - Okey-dokey.
There is not one hair on that head.
Hey, it'll grow back, right? And she's
really fun, and she's cool.
And I'm finally moving on.
I mean, getting over Rachel was so, ugh,
you know?
You know, I'm finally feeling sane again.
And now if I go up there...
...and I kiss her and...
God, I want to kiss her.
And it doesn't work out, right?
Do I really wanna put myself through that
again?
So let me get this straight.
If you go with Bonnie tonight...
...you're doing the smart, healthy thing
and moving on.
- Yeah. - Right?
And if you go with Rachel, Bonnie's free
tonight?
Hi.
Hi there.
That's that weird voice again.
Let me try it again.
You're gonna wanna date this next guy, I
swear. Okay, come on.
Hi, I'm Dorf.
Your date for the evening.
Oh, come on. Dorf on dating? That's good
stuff.

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