ABRA KADABRA

By

Will Ball

Will.ball@temple.edu

 2009, All Rights Reserved

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EXT. STREET CORNER – DAY

Two MAGICIANS walk onto a street corner from opposite

sides. MAGICIAN #1 wears a black tuxedo and carries a black
briefcase. MAGICIAN #2 wears a white tuxedo and carries a
white briefcase.

The MAGICIANS do not notice each other as they prepare for

their act. They both lay their briefcases on the ground and
open them simultaneously.

MAGICIAN #1 takes a black cape out of his briefcase and

ties it around his neck while MAGICIAN #2 takes a white
cape out of his briefcase and ties it around his neck.

MAGICIAN #1 takes a black top hat out of his briefcase and

puts it on his head while MAGICIAN #2 takes a white top hat
out of his briefcase and puts it on his head.

MAGICIAN #1 takes a black handkerchief out of his briefcase

and spreads it out in front of him while MAGICIAN #2 takes
a white handkerchief out of his briefcase and spreads it
out in front of him.

MAGICIAN #1 takes a few dollar bills from his briefcase and

puts them on his handkerchief while MAGICIAN #2 takes a few
pennies from his briefcase and puts them on his
handkerchief.

Both of the MAGICIANS stand up and roll up their sleeves at

the same time. They are ready to perform their show. They
look around themselves and finally see each other.

MAGICIAN #1
Excuse me, but what on God’s green
earth are you doing?

MAGICIAN #2
I’m about to perform a curbside magic
show. What are you doing?

MAGICIAN #1
Well I’m about to perform a curbside
magic show. And I’ve been doing it for
the past 10 years, at this very spot.
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So bugger off.

MAGICIAN #2
Okay then. If this is your spot, then
I’ll battle you for it. I challenge you
to a magic duel!

MAGICIAN #1
A magic duel?! Ha! I’ve had rabbits in
a hat crap out more magic than you.

MAGICIAN #2
Very well. I’ll just stand here and
perform my show with you. We can be a
curbside magic team, a magic tour-de-
force if you will. Oh I can see it now.
We’ll sell millions of seats, dazzling
people all over the world. We’ll do
shows on cruises, on television, even
in Las Vegas! No one will stop us, not
even my Father who tells me to get a
real job instead of being a glorified
panhandler every single waking moment I
see him.

MAGICIAN #1
If I win, will you promise to never
come back to this spot again?

MAGICIAN #2
I promise on Houdini’s grave.

MAGICIAN #1
Then I will begin. For my first feat, I
will perform a simple card trick.

MAGICIAN #1 takes a deck of cards out of his pocket and

spreads them towards MAGICIAN #2.

MAGICIAN #1
Pick a card, any card.

MAGICIAN #2 picks a card and looks at it.

MAGICIAN #1
Now insert the card back into deck.
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MAGICIAN #2 slides the card into the deck.

MAGICIAN #1
I’d like you to cut this deck of cards
as many times as you’d like.

MAGICIAN #1 hands MAGICAN #2 the deck of cards. MAGICIAN #2

cuts it several times.

MAGICIAN #2
Okay. Here you go.

MAGICIAN #2 hands the deck of cards to MAGICIAN #1.

MAGICIAN #1
Now I hope you remembered your card
because...

MAGICIAN #1 throws the entire deck of cards into the air.

He snatches a single card in the flurry of falling cards
and shows it to MAGICIAN #2.

MAGICIAN #1
...is this your card?

MAGICIAN #2
Why yes, yes it is. Now it’s my turn.

MAGICIAN #2 takes a deck of cards out of his pocket and

spreads them towards MAGICIAN #1.

MAGICIAN #2
Pick a card, any card.

MAGICIAN #1 picks a card and looks at it.

MAGICIAN #2
Now insert the card back into deck.

MAGICIAN #1 slides the card into the deck.

MAGICIAN #2
I’d like you to cut this deck of cards
as many times as you’d like.
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MAGICIAN #2 hands MAGICAN #1 the deck of cards. MAGICIAN #1

takes a pair of scissors out of his pocket and literally
cuts the deck of cards into small pieces. He then gathers
up the fallen pieces and hands them to MAGICIAN #2.

MAGICIAN #2
You know, you don’t have to be a jerk
about it.

MAGICIAN #1
But alas! This is a magic duel! Besides
it’s your turn.

MAGICIAN #2
For my next trick, I’ll need a
volunteer.

MAGICIAN #2 looks around himself, but sees nobody.

MAGICIAN #2
Anybody?

MAGICIAN #2 looks at MAGICIAN #1 and smiles.

MAGICIAN #1
(rolling his eyes)
If you need a volunteer that badly,
then I guess I can help you out.

MAGICIAN #2
You sir, in the black tuxedo! Come here
please.

MAGICIAN #1 drudgingly walks over to MAGICIAN #2.

MAGICIAN #2
I’m going to need to strip search you.

MAGICIAN #1
What?!

MAGICIAN #2
No need to worry. I’ll just pat you
down.

MAGICIAN #2 frisks MAGICIAN #1.

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MAGICIAN #1
I’m beginning to regret this decision.

MAGICIAN #2
All done!

MAGICIAN #1
I am so confused right now.

MAGICIAN #2
I hope you wore clean underwear today.

MAGICIAN #1
And why’s that?

MAGICIAN #2
Because I have them here, in my very
own hat!

MAGICIAN #2 takes off his white top hat and pulls a pair of
black boxers out of his hat.

MAGICIAN #1
(mock clapping)
Bravo! Very well done!

MAGICIAN #2 proudly smiles.

MAGICIAN #1
But before you get too full of
yourself, I have one question for you.

MAGICIAN #2
And what’s that?

MAGICIAN #1
Did you remember to wear clean
underwear today?

MAGICIAN #1 takes off his black top hat and pulls a pink
thong out of his hat.

MAGICIAN #1
Ta da!

MAGICIAN #2 is shocked and becomes red in the face.

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MAGICIAN #1 looks in the thong.

MAGICIAN #1
Oh and look at that. It seems as though
you left me a tiny present.

MAGICIAN #2
Give me that!

MAGICIAN #2 snatches the thong from MAGICIAN #1 and puts it

in his pocket.

MAGICIAN #1
Tell you what. If you can perform my
next and final trick, I’ll let you have
my spot. But rest assured, it won’t be
easy.

MAGICIAN #2
(disheartened)
Yeah, whatever.

MAGICIAN #1 takes a black drape cloth out of his briefcase

and puts it over MAGICIAN #2, covering him entirely.

MAGICIAN #1
You ready under there?

MAGICIAN #2
No.

MAGICIAN #1 takes a wand out of his suit pocket and points

it towards MAGICIAN #2.

MAGICIAN #1
Abra, kadabra, alakazaam!

The black drape cloth falls to the ground as MAGICIAN #2

vanishes. MAGICIAN #1 looks at his watch and counts to five
on his fingers. On five, MAGICIAN #2 walks back into the
shot from the side and is astonished.

MAGICIAN #2
(examines his body)
That was incredible! How did you do
that?! Unbelievable!
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MAGICIAN #1 smiles confidently and lets out a boastful

laugh.

MAGICIAN #2
Would you mind if I gave it a try?

MAGICIAN #1
You are certainly welcome to, but I
think it’s safe to say that this spot
is mine.

MAGICIAN #2 takes a white drape cloth out of his briefcase

and puts it over MAGICIAN #1, covering him completely.

MAGICIAN #2 then takes a baseball bat out of his briefcase

and strikes MAGICIAN #1 repeatedly. MAGICIAN #1 falls to
the ground and moans as MAGICIAN #2 continues to beat him.

MAGICIAN #2
Abra kadabra...asshole.

MAGICIAN #2 walks out of the shot with his baseball bat in

hand. A few moments pass before MAGICIAN #2 re-enters the
shot, grabs MAGICIAN #1’s black handkerchief full of money,
hits MAGICIAN #1 one last time, and exits the shot for the
final time.