On Having a Profession and a Family

Kelly Phillips, Yahoo Contributor Network

Oct 13, 2009 . 
http://voices.yahoo.com/on-having-profession-family-4607443.html?cat=25

Today more and more women, and some men, have left during the middle or height of their careers
in order to have and raise a family. When the kids reach preschool age, many women try to go back
to work. Here they face trouble getting the wage and position they had before they left. Recently
more women have left the workforce to have and raise children. Women from ages 25 to 45 are more
likely than they were in the past to describe staying at home with their kids as an equal importance to
paid employment (Uchitelle). In 2001, the percentage of mothers who work and have children under
the age of three has decreased by 3.4 % since 1997 (Uchitelle). One has to ask why these women are
leaving and risking their careers and salaries in order to raise a family, where they could just as easily
hire a babysitter/nanny or take them to daycare. Generally, women would rather raise their children
and have a family than strive for occupational success and lose out on time with their children.
Joan C Williams wrote in Harvard Women's Law Journal in the spring of 2003, "Many women never
get near [that glass ceiling] because they are stopped long before by the maternal wall" (Belkin).
Though the idea of a "maternal wall" can seem controversial because it can be seen as saying that
maternity is a wall to success in the workplace, Williams is essentially correct. At some point during
her career, a woman must decide whether she wants to have children. This usually proves as a
dilemma for women who also want to have a successful career. Both a career and raising children
demand a lot of time from the person. Over the recent years, many career minded women have come
across this issue.

Katherine Brokaw, a Princeton graduate, left the law career track to stay at home with her three
children. "I don't want to be on the fast track leading to a partnership at a prestigious law firm, some
people define that as success. I don't" (Belkin). Katherine Brokaw and probably some others feel this
way. They place a higher value on raising children than on economic and occupational success. This
can be relatable to Robert C. Solomon's article, "Strategic Planning for the Good Life." In the article,
he lists the questions one must ask themselves in order to plan what becomes their version of "the
good life." His first question asks "What do you consider the most important things in life? Success,
family, companionship, romance" (107). One must answer these questions in order to plan their life.
Some women place a higher value on family rather than success in the workplace. Their life plan may
include both work and family, but if they cannot make it so they can include a decent amount of time
with their family, the work is cast aside until later.
The only problem with this, the work may not wait for them. A concern for some professional
women, including lawyers and MBA holders, is how one can obtain an executive job after years away
from the profession (Rosen). Sometimes, they have to restart their job at a lower salary because they
were away for so long. Michelle Quinn brings up the fact that the job market may not be so
welcoming to women who take time off, and there is also a financial cost to dropping out of the
workforce. She pushes for women to keep connections with the people in her profession and to make
sure they work hard before leaving the work place (Quinn 11). Should businesses be more empathetic
with women who take time off of their profession to spend time with their families? The women who
return after maternity leave may still be expected to work long hours and place work as a top
priority, even though there is a family to raise at home. Is it too much to ask? "Employers who offer
mothers flexible, less-than-full-time schedules are still rare" and many women say they would not
have dropped out if flexible hours had been available (Uchitelle). So, one can conclude, it is not that
women do not care about their professional careers; they just need more flexible time in the
workplace when they have a family to raise.

However, there are a few groups which women are being helped to get back into career mode. The
Harvard Business School and the Tuck School of Business at Dartmouth are creating training
programs for women professionals. The Babson College in Massachusetts is also looking to create a
program for women seeking to return to the workforce (Rosen). It seems as if businesses realize they
need the professional women, who they have trained, who have dropped out of the career force to
have a family, and are willing to retrain them back into the business. Hans Morris, chief financial
officer of Citigroup Corporate says "We've had women who were real leaders and demonstrated an
ability to get things done but who have dropped out. It's not that it would be nice to have them - it's
that we need them." However these programs get a little costly, twenty thousand dollars a participant
at Tuck (Rosen). This may help get them back onto the career path yet the price is high considering
they haven't been working for a few years. Though businesses are starting to realize they need to be
more considerate of working mothers, they still have a long way to go.

Another point of interest is the different ways women and men define success in work. Women
nowadays have an equal right the make the same agreement that men have made for centuries, take
time from family to pursue success [of their career]. Instead, women have been creating a new
definition of success, thus redefining work (Belkin). What Belkin means is that men have been
known as the "bacon bringers" for a long time, especially in American culture. It is common
knowledge the typical household, just a hundred years ago, would include a stay-at-home mom with
two kids who did all the cleaning and cooking, and a father who spend most of his time working in
order to financially support the family. Today, women have been given the chance to choose between
a lot of time at work and the home, but are now showing that staying at home is not only work, but
success. Women who take of time to raise a family feel successful because they raised children and
were present in their development.

Many working class parents cannot afford to have a parent stay at home and leave their children with
a babysitter or daycare (Belkin). The women who are in a professional career usually have the
financial security to be able to, like Michelle Quinn says, "hop on and off the career track" (10). Thus,
some of these women have made the choice to not leave their children with others, to play a major
role in their development and in their childhood memories. To these women, leaving their children
with a babysitter or daycare would not have the same effect on their children's lives and may even
prove to be detrimental to their development. The children would not grow knowing their parents
were there for them, and they may not grow learning the strong values which their parents may have
wanted to teach them.

Mothers and More, a national organization which helps women to "sequence" between work, and
family, was founded by Joanne Brundage in 1986 (Quinn 11). As of 2002, the group had over 7,500
members (Uchitelle). Organizations like this help women, who hold strong values in both their
careers and families, to transition between them. They are helpful with negotiating skills, if a woman
faces struggles with gaining part time or flexible hours. According the 2003 Census Report, "the
more education a new mother has, the more likely she is to be working full time" (Quinn 11). This
makes raising children even harder for professional women, because the workplace has a high need
for well educated women. So, organizations, like Mothers and More, help to ease the balance
between the working mother and her family.

Though mothers make up the majority of professionals leaving and rejoining the workplace, there
has been a rise in fathers who are doing exactly the same. According to the US Census bureau, in
2007, the number of stay-at-home dads was 159,000, which made up 2.7% of the country's stay at
home parents (Shaver). Though there are many more women staying home than men, the men have
increased in number from the past years (From 98,000 in 2005 to the 159,000 in 2007). Former
Capitol Hill staffer, Michael Paranzino, is a proud stay-at-home father, in fact, it is what he prefers.
Yet he doesn't do any chores, unlike typical stay-at-home moms. He says "He signed on to do the
kids - not to do the house" (Jayson). He does prove the fact, though, that men can take some time off
to raise a family and allow their wives to be the "breadwinners" and continue on the career path.

Though, fathers are showing they can do what their wives do, and be there for their family/raise
children, the way many see it is different. Eric Hazell returned to the University of MD as a professor
in 2004 after spending two years with his kids. He said "If moms work, they have possible guilt for
not being home with the kids. If they're home, there's a lot of tug that they're sacrificing their career.
For dads, people think it's just great that you stay home. Then when we go back, it's what people
expect in the first place" (Shaver). This point Hazell makes is proving a huge double standard that
still exists against women. Men are able to raise their children and are seen as being fatherly; when
they go back to work, they usually aren't penalized and are seen as if they have done a great thing. If
women take time off work to raise their kids, they can't come back to work and expect the same
recognition, and if they do go right back to work after having kids, they may feel guilty. So, even
though more men are raising children and allowing their wives to have professional and successful
careers, they are gaining even more regard in the long run and won't have as much trouble getting
their career back.

"Stay-at-home moms often talk about the loving husbands who would gladly take time off to be with
the kids, except that they earn the larger salary" (Hirshman). It is a common fact that men gain more
money to begin with mostly because of the general job choices of women. Financial security is very
important, especially when having a family. One needs money for diapers, food, toys, clothes, and
more. There needs to be enough financial support to provide for the family, and if the man makes
more money, it is only logical to allow him to work, and for the woman to stay home with the kids.
Thus, the dilemma between the working woman and her family is accentuated even more, especially
if her husband makes more money.

Overtime, women have become more powerful in the working world. Today we see women in
positions which at one point used to be male-dominated, like lawyers and doctors. Women are trying
to become more successful at work but still face an extraordinary dilemma: Family or Work? They
try to sequence between the two, but it is still hard to rejoin the workforce after leaving. So the real
question is: why do they leave their jobs in the first place only to return later at a lower starting
point? The answer: They have strong family values, and the financial security to do so.

Works Cited

Belkin, Lisa. "The Opt-Out Revolution." The New York Times 26 Oct. 2003.

Hirshman, Linda. "You're Not Earning as much as the Guys? Here's Why." The Washington Post. 3
Jun. 2007: B01.

Jayson, Sharon. "Daddy's Home to Stay." USA Today 15 Jun 2005.

Quinn Michelle. "Hopping On and Off the Career Track." Honest Work: A Business Ethics
Reader.Eds. Joanne B. Ciulla, Clancy Martin, Robert C. Solomon. New York: Oxford University
Press. 2007.

Rosen, Ellen. "Derailed on the Mommy Track? There's Help to Get Going Again." The New York
Times 12 Feb. 2006.
Shaver, Katherine. "Stay-at-Home Dads Forge New Identities, Roles." The Washington Post 17Jun.
2007: A01.

Solomon, Robert C. "Strategic Planning - For the Good Life." Honest Work: A Business Ethics
Reader. Eds. Joanne B. Ciulla, Clancy Martin, Robert C. Solomon. New York: Oxford UP, 2007.

Uchitelle, Louis. "Job Track or 'Mommy Track'? Some Do Both, in Phases." The New York Times 5
July 2002.

Published by Kelly Phillips

I am currently majoring in English and concentration in Creative Nonfiction. I am also pursuing philosophy and political
studies. Usually I find my work very unsatisfactory, but that is what keeps me contin...  View profile