HUM-ANN

By

Luke Ackroyd

Prompt: Nature documentary

EXT. STREET - EVENING
A CAMERA ZOOMS in on a household. Curtains not yet drawn,
A MAN can be seen eating his microwaved meal in front of
the Television. Glum, bored. Oblivious.
The camera zooms back out. BLARVID ATTENBOOGLE (Wise,
calm), A small, elderly alien. Three eyes. Green skin. He
steps into view, presenting to the camera.

BLARVID ATTENBOOGLE
As you can see, the lesser known
Hum-Ann, in its natural habitat.
The term Hum-Ann has been
shortened over the years. It
derives from: Hummus Annie Mal.

PHOTO: A pot of Hummus.

BLARVID ATTENBOOGLE (V/O)
It is not yet known how the
evolution from idle pot to
semi-functional creature took
place. It has been theorized by
experts in the field, that a pot
of Hummus was originally forcibly
merged with an Annie-Musi-cal.

POSTER: ANNIE FROM THE MUSICAL ANNIE

The camera zooms onto the DOG on the poster.
BLARVID ATTENBOOGLE (V/O)
This experiment was believed to
have been lead by a elder
species, known only as Doggo.
With the merging of A Hummus and
a Annie-Musi-Cal being a complete
success. The experiment was
repeated again. And again. And
again.
A chart explains the procedure under Blarvid’s
description: A photo of Annie and a photo of some Hummus
are lead to a machine. It shakes. Out pops a PHOTO of a
generic human male.
BLARVID ATTENBOOGLE (V/O)
Soon, the procedure got out of
hand, and caused a catestrophic
shift to the planet’s ecosystem.

A map of Earth. A red colour floods over the entire map,

signifying the spread of the Hum-Ann species.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.

BLARVID ATTENBOOGLE (V/O)

The Hummus Annie Mal population
began to spread far wider than
anticipated, leading to Hum-Ann
to become the "dominant" species.
This was all many years before
our discovery of the planet and
further research is still being
undertaken.

EXT. FIELDS - DAY

Multiple HUMMUS POTS hopping around, skipping and being
merry.

TEXT: DRAMATIC RECONSTRUCTION

Several Hum-Ann’s with sticks nad nets, come charging over
the hill, angry.
BLARVID ATTENBOOGLE (V/O)
Tragically, The Hum-Ann species
are not very respectful of their
ancestors... in fact, they hunt
for both food and for sport.
The Hummus pots flee in terror. Raging Hum-Ann roaring and
chasing after them.

EXT. STREET - EVENING

Blarvid starts creeping towards the window.

BLARVID ATTENBOOGLE
Nowadays, most Hum-Ann’s are more
docile. Let’s take a closer
look...

Blarvid stares throught the window. The Man just finishing

his meal. He burps.
BLARVID ATTENBOOGLE
Ah- the mating call. A mostly
unsuccessful techinque. It’s
strange odor often providing the
opposite effect for potential
mates.
The man notices something at the corner of his eyes. He
slowly turns- Eyes going wide. His mouth agape. Frozen to
the spot at the sight of Blarvid.
BLARVID ATTENBOOGLE
Oh my. This one appears to have
spotted us. Let’s give it some
space for now.
 3.

Blarvid steps away from the window, out of sight of the

man.

INT. LIVING ROOM - EVENING

The man picks up a beer can from the coffee table,
studying the alcohol percentage. A double take at the
window. He blinks. Picks up his plate.

INT. KITCHEN - EVENING

The man places his plate in the dishwasher. He turns- and
freezes once more.

Blarvid is hiding in a bush, alongside the camera-alien.

He might have been well blended in... if the bush wasn’t
in the middle of the kitchen. Blarvid has some futuristic
binoculars, aimed at the man.
BLARVID ATTENBOOGLE
This particular Hum-Ann seems
easily startled. It’s alert. On
edge. Perhaps it senses a
predator nearby.

The man slowly backs away out of the room...

FOOTSTEPS Dashing down the hallway. A door SLAMMED OPEN.
BLARVID ATTENBOOGLE
Oh- Poor thing. Scared out of Its
wits. Off it goes...

EXT. STREET - EVENING

The man frantically dashes down the road. Up above... a
U.F.O looms. It’s TRACTOR BEAM lights up the man! Bright.
Vast. Inescapable.
The man screams! Zigzags his running. No use. He begins
kicking his feet frantically, as he is hovered up higher
and higher.

Blarvid observes from the doorway of his home, a warm

smile.
BLARVID ATTENBOOGLE
Ah lovely. It has been scooped up
by a roaming conservationalist.
It will be taken away to a
Hum-Ann sanctuary. There it will
have a far greater standard of
living.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 4.

MAN
Someone help! PLEASE!!!!! Hel-
The U.F.O closes up. The beam fades. It flies away up into
space.
BLARVID ATTENBOOGLE
That’s all we have time for this
week. I’d love to stay and
observe this facinatingly odd
species further, but next time,
I’ll be taking us to the planet
of Emittxen, where I’ll be seeing
what happens when you anger a
OddeNox by poking it with a
stick. Till then! Goodbye...

CREDITS ROLL
THE END