A script all about Édith Piaf

By

Luke Ackroyd

Prompt: Édith Piaf, Orson Welles and one-shot

cinematography
INT. HOUSE - EVENING
Édith Piaf (Dead years old, singer) sits on the sofa,
clearly growing impatient.

She glances at the clock. Hours pass and pass.

LUKE (26, the person writing this script right now)
strolls into the house, exhausted. He flops down onto the
opposite sofa, sighs.

ÉDITH PIAF
(Clears throat)
You’re late.
Luke jolts upright, alarmed and finally noticing her.

LUKE
Oh sorry! Long, busy day... also,
who are you?
ÉDITH PIAF
You mean you don’t know?
Luke looks very awkward.
LUKE
No... Sorry. Should I?

Édith Piaf stands up dramatically.

ÉDITH PIAF
I am Édith Piaf! The godmother of
Chansons! I died fifty seven
years ago on this very day!
She continues posing dramatically for far too long.
LUKE
Oh- okay. That’s great. I mean,
not the last part, but good on
you for begin the godmother of
Chan’s Sons, and stuff. Uh...
Édith Piaf sits back down in a sulk.

ÉDITH PIAF
Did you not read the brief at
all?
Luke looks confused for a moment... before his eyes light
up, a sudden realisation.
LUKE
Oh right! The scriptwriting
challenge thing. Sorry, it
slipped my mind. Busy day, as I
said.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 2.

ÉDITH PIAF
Excuses, excuses.
Luke fumbles in his pocket for the brief, begins reading.

LUKE
Okay, so- write a script about
the life of Édith Piaf.
ÉDITH PIAF
That’s me.
LUKE
Died fifty seven years ago....
godmother of... Okay, sorry, but
I don’t have time for this
really.
Édith Piaf glares daggers at him.
ÉDITH PIAF
What?

LUKE
I mean, It looks like I’ve got to
do a lot of research on your
life, and- to be honest, I’m
pretty tired. I was thinking of
maybe just skipping this one.
ÉDITH PIAF
How dare you! I’m Édith Piaf. The
godmother of Chansons! I died
fifty seven years ago on this
very day!
LUKE
Yeah, you said. Look, no offense.
I just- I got a little busy
today, and I don’t have time to
give you a proper, well
researched script that will do
you justice.
Édith Piaf scoffs, rolls her eyes.

ÉDITH PIAF
You’re a so-called scriptwriter.
You are supposed to do research.
It’s part of the gig.

LUKE
Normally, I’d be happy to. I
just-

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 3.

ÉDITH PIAF
I bet you wouldn’t be saying this
if it was Orson Welles sitting
here instead.

LUKE
Who?
ÉDITH PIAF
Orson Welles! We share the same
death day! He’s on the damn
brief, did you not read this
thing!
Luke frowns, and reads the brief again.

LUKE
So, am I supposed to be writing a
script about him or you?
Édith Piaf just tuts and rolls her eyes once more.

LUKE
And what’s this about making sure
the film is in all one take? That
sounds like something that the
director and cinematographer
would discuss, rather than
something I’d put in the script.
It’d kinda take people out of the
story quite a bit.
The CAMERA pans over to Luke and zooms in dramaticaly.

LUKE
Yeah, like that.
ÉDITH PIAF
The brief is the brief! Stop
complaining and make sure that
the film is like Birdman or 1917!
LUKE
I thought you were dead, how do
you know about those films?

ÉDITH PIAF
Don’t question me! I’m Édith
Piaf. The godmother of Chansons!
I died fifty seven years ago on
this very day!
LUKE
I-
(aggrivated sigh)
Those films are very gimicky.

(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 4.

ÉDITH PIAF
Just promise me that this will
all be in one take.

LUKE
Fine. yes. I promise. The camera
will never cut away.
CUT TO:

LUKE
... Uh... starting now at least.
Luke and Édith Piaf sit awkwardly in silence.
LUKE
So, could you tell me a little
about yourself?
ÉDITH PIAF
I’m Édith Piaf. The godmother of
Chansons! I died fifty seven
years ago on this very day!
LUKE
Something that wasn’t mentioned
in the brief for this challenge?

ÉDITH PIAF
No. Just google it.
Luke gives another aggrivated sigh, pulls up his laptop
and googles Édith Piaf.

Édith Piaf leans forward, a curious expression, as Luke

reads in silence.
LUKE
Okay, Édith Piaf was a French
singer-songwriter, cabaret
performer and film actress noted
as France’s national chanteuse
and one of the country’s most
widly known international stars.

ÉDITH PIAF
Go on...
LUKE
Look. I can’t just put your
wikipedia artcle into the script
as dialogue. That’d be incredibly
lazy.
ÉDITH PIAF
Well, what are you going to do
instead? Do I need to remind you
(MORE)
(CONTINUED)
CONTINUED: 5.

ÉDITH PIAF (cont’d)

that I am Édith Piaf! Godmother
of-

LUKE
Please! I heard you the first few
times.
Édith Piaf scoffs, and begins packing up her things.

ÉDITH PIAF
Well I never! You are the most
awful, laziest scriptwriter I
have ever had the displeasure of
meeting in all of my death!

She begins leaving the living room.

LUKE
Édith Piaf! Wait-

She pauses, looks back, a glimmer of home.

ÉDITH PIAF
Have you changed your ways? Are
you going to write a well
researched, biographical script
about my life, including
tributing Orson Welles?
LUKE
I- uh, no. Sorry. I was just
going to ask if you could make
sure the camera follows you out,
to make sure this is all in one
take.
Édith Piaf frowns. She begins storming out. The camera
pans or zooms or whatever after her- but SLAM! The door
shuts in the cameras face.
THE END