I kept my silence when Mr.

Steve Reich announced he wanted to threaten, degrade, poison,

bulldoze, and kill this world of ours. I did nothing when he tried to anesthetize the human spirit.
But his latest asseverations are the straw that breaks the camel’s back. Without going into all the
gory details, let’s just say that he professes that the most honorable thing one can do in life is to
bully, attack, shame, and intimidate his victims. I don’t know about you, but this strikes me as a
vested interest masquerading as a moral principle. To my mind, it’s far more honorable to fight
for noble causes with honor and courage. And what could be a more worthy and righteous cause
than to help people help themselves? I would indubitably not have thought it possible that I have
no interest in getting tangled in the rhetoric or dogma that Mr. Reich frequently pushes, but it’s
absolutely true. By this, I mean that Mr. Reich actually believes that our country is crawling with
secret brigades of extremists who are ready at a moment’s notice to emerge from their mothers’
basements to commit murder and mayhem. True, Mr. Reich has a right to his opinion. In his
mind, he also apparently has a right to be a lily-livered nebbish as evidenced by his endless
attempts to rob Peter to pay Paul.

When I first heard about Mr. Reich’s campaigns, I dismissed them as merely rapacious. But
when I later learned that he wants me to suffer the pain of his wrath, I realized that circumstantial
evidence is always probative to show intent. The circumstantial evidence in Mr. Reich’s case is
that Mr. Reich is on some sort of thesaurus-fueled rampage. Every sentence he writes is filled
with needlessly long words like “antianthropomorphism” and “predisadvantageously”. Either
Mr. Reich is deliberately trying to confuse us or else he’s secretly scheming to oppress,
segregate, and punish others. During this profound moment of reckoning for our nation and for
institutions across our society we must punish him for his deplorable inveracities. With enough
time and room, it would be easy to show why this must be true, but the clinching argument is
simply that he can get away with lies (e.g., that he can absorb mana by devouring his
adversaries’ brains) because the average person cannot imagine anyone lying so brazenly. Not
one person in a hundred will actually check out the facts for himself and discover that Mr. Reich
is lying.

Perhaps Mr. Reich has never had to take a stand and fight for something as critical as our right to
take away as many of his opportunities for mischief as possible. But torture is wrong. It’s
unacceptable. It’s illegal. And, believe it or not, it’s ineffective. Those who support its use fail to
realize that there is only one way to stop Mr. Reich from fleecing people out of their life’s
savings. We must make out of fools, wise people; out of fanatics, men of sense; out of idlers,
workers; out of pesky, indelicate dorks, people who are willing to discuss the advantages of two-
parent families, the essential role of individual and family responsibility, the need for uniform
standards of civil behavior, and the primacy of the work ethic. Then together we can put an end
to his diabolical cycle of prejudice and reprisal. Together we can show the world that if it were
up to Mr. Reich, schoolchildren would be taught reading, ’riting, and racism.

For heaven’s sake, Mr. Reich promises his secret agents that as soon as he’s finished throwing
away our freedom, our honor, and our future, they’ll all become rich beyond their wildest
dreams. There’s an obvious analogy here to the way that vultures eat a cadaver and from its
rottenness insects and worms suck their food. The point is that where there’s no name for a
problem, you can’t see a problem, and when you can’t see a problem, you pretty much can’t
solve it. The name of our problem is Mr. Steve Reich, and I insist that the solution is to pass out
flyers in public places that illustrate how Mr. Reich used to be a major proponent of snobbism.
Nowadays, he’s putting all of his support behind Satanism. As they say, plus ça change, plus
c’est la même chose.

Of perhaps even more concern is that Mr. Reich occasionally shows what appears to be warmth,
joy, love, or compassion. You should realize, however, that these positive expressions are more
feigned than experienced and invariably serve an ulterior motive, such as to rouse the agitated
petite bourgeoisie to chauvinistic fervor and hoodwink them into making it impossible to disturb
his passive-aggressive gravy train. It’s not just the lunatic fringe that’s in his corner; a number of
previously respectable people have recently begun backing Mr. Reich. If you observe some
repetition in my statements, it is because such repetition is needed for clarity and emphasis as I
argue about Mr. Reich’s agendas. I suppose another good option, though, would be to keep his
proxies at bay. In either case, I am appalled by how Mr. Reich has been giving people a new and
largely artificial basis for evaluating things and making decisions. I suppose I could bang my
head on my desk until I sustain so much brain damage that I no longer care, although my friends
suggest that a better alternative would be for me to hone in on Mr. Reich’s faults with laser-like
precision. They’re right. They’re also right when they say that Mr. Reich is a self-serving,
censorious popinjay trying to get attention for himself by being more sick-minded than the next
self-serving, censorious popinjay. That may sound unbelievable, but it’s the truth. Another
unbelievable but true statement is that Mr. Reich’s behavior might be different if he were told
that most insensitive hoodlums think, “credo, quia absurdum” when they hear him say that it’s
perfectly safe to drink and drive. Of course, as far as Mr. Reich is concerned, this fact will fall
into the category of, “My mind is made up; don’t confuse me with the facts.” That’s why I’m
telling you that if I am correctly informed, just because you can do something does not mean it’s
okay to do it. In any case, I find that some of Mr. Reich’s choices of words in his flimflams
would not have been mine. For example, I would have substituted “stinking” for
“pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis” and “wrongheaded” for
“archaeopterygiformes.”

While Mr. Reich expresses a soporific nostalgia for a uniform, unchallenging, homogeneous
society that never really existed, I rarely pay any attention to him. Frankly, I have no need to
hear the uninformed opinions or quasi-ignorant opinions of a renitent, dotty undesirable.
Nevertheless, Mr. Reich acts like a big baby, crying whenever someone suggests that his
myrmidons merely present their allegations as though they were true, a technique known as a
“conclusory” or “Kierkegaardian” leap. In contrast, as any parent—or really, any adult—will tell
you, the whole of Mr. Reich’s snitty, prudish worldview may perhaps be expressed in one simple
word. That word is “parochialism”. Let me explain: Mr. Reich has been going around claiming
that the Earth is flat. When challenged about the veracity of that message, Mr. Reich attributed
its contradictions of the truth to “poetic license”. That means “lying”.

As for the lies and exaggerations, Mr. Reich demands that harsh punishments be meted out to
anyone who dares to examine his worldview from the perspective of its axiology (values) and
epistemology (ways of knowing). In fact, this is part of the game, and it gives Mr. Reich great,
and perverse, pleasure. In the past, it was perfectly clear to everyone with insight and without
malice that the deep-seated, unbridled hatred that Mr. Reich’s confidants have for us is visceral
and inculcated from cradle to grave. Unfortunately, there were a number of people who seemed
to lack this insight at the right time or who, contrary to their better knowledge, contested and
denied this truth.

Common-sense understanding of human nature tells us that Mr. Reich keeps saying that our
country’s security, prestige, and financial interests are best served by war and the ever-present
threat of war. For some reason, Mr. Reich’s cat’s-paws actually believe this nonsense. One
argument Mr. Reich makes is that “the truth”, “the whole truth”, and “nothing but the truth” are
three different things. That’s just sheer arrant nonsense. The truth is that he has been paddling
around in the swampy parts of sanity. Why else would Mr. Reich believe that profoundly
blockish jackanapes have dramatically lower incidences of cancer, heart attacks, heart disease,
and many other illnesses than the rest of us?

I, not being a profligate, mentally deficient leech, have found, to my considerable surprise, that
you probably can’t find one good reason why Mr. Reich should use every conceivable form of
diplomacy, deception, pressure, coercion, bribery, treason, and terror to plant the seeds of
tokenism into the tabulæ rasæ of children’s minds. And let us not forget that he has hatched all
sorts of unhinged plans. Remember Mr. Reich’s attempt to operate on a criminal—as opposed to
a civil disobedience—basis? No? That’s because Mr. Reich is so good at concealing his devious
activities. I know the following is an incredibly cheap shot, but nothing unites people like a
common enemy. That’s why I would encourage everybody to take some shots of their own at
Mr. Reich by reprimanding him for reviving an arcadian past that never existed.

Mr. Reich faces moral disaster in his neighborhood, political disaster in his country, and an
impending world catastrophe with a blank and smiling countenance. This is the flaw in Mr.
Reich’s self-fulfilling prophecies. He doesn’t understand that one of the goals of mammonism is
to render meaningless the words “best” and “worst”. Mr. Reich admires that philosophy because,
by annihilating human perceptions of quality, Mr. Reich’s own mediocrity can flourish. Why am
I so fascinated by each new incarnation of Mr. Reich’s paroxysms? It must be morbid curiosity.
Even though I know his latest paroxysms are going to be as absolutely flippant as the previous
batch, I feel I have to find out just how flippant they are. What I’ve found so far is that the
foundation of any collective action is language. Given that observation, treating the disease, not
the symptoms, necessarily starts with analyzing the language we use. For instance, we might use
language to express that my goal is to get Mr. Reich to realize that he will go to almost any
extreme to prevent my message of truth from getting out. Of course, if he insists on remaining an
ignorant, uninformed, and ill-informed slugabed, that’s his prerogative. At this point, let me
mention that some of my friends have criticized my previous letters for sounding too negative.
They suggested that I adopt a more positive tone in the future. Well, as I’ve reached the end of
this letter, I guess I can try ending on a positive note: I’m positive that only by taking risks and
pushing boundaries with this letter can I help and encourage others.