Holloway 1

Angel Holloway

Dr. Heidi McGrew

Comm 2206

24 Sept 2020

Hold head high, shoulders back, smile, look them in the eye, say it, tell them who you are

and what you stand for. Not an easy task at first. For some, it just rolls off the tongue; for me, I

had to think about what it is I mean to this world and what am I getting in return? How was I

shaped into who I am? Creating a "Coat of Arms" to represent my self-concept brought out my

answers in surprising ways. I find my self-concept being identified by my culture being biracial,

falling into the gender of a woman category, having a "reflected appraisal" by my grandmother,

and shaping myself with "social comparison" from mommy groups exciting wanted to know

more about them.

First, I want to break down what self-concept is. "Self-concept is the relatively stable set

of perceptions you hold on yourself" (Adler et al. 38-99). My "Coat of Arms (C.O.A)" is a

description of me, who I am. Each of the four quadrants has a different representation of how I

see myself in the mirror. In the next few paragraphs, I will break down my self-concept using

those four quadrants in four ways (culture, gender, reflected appraisal, and social comparison).

There was a lot I had to think about when writing about me that I never had to think about

before. Everything I knew about myself, I thought, was my own doing. Still, when creating my

C.O.A, I found I depend on my relationships and the outside conversations to shape me, to make

the reflection of a personality I see in the mirror today.

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My culture is not of my own but a community of others who are the same as me.

According to our book, a "clear definition came from Larry Samovar and his colleagues (2007),

saying Culture is the language, values, beliefs, traditions, and customs people share and learn"

(Adler et al. 38-99). In my C.O.A, I used the symbolism of "Yin and Yang." I am biracial, the

meaning of two races. Even though it may not sound like a culture of its own, it very much is. I

am of two different cultures and didn't fit into the singular races' puzzles, African American and

Caucasian.

My siblings and I had a hard time growing up not being cultural enough for either group, but we

found we didn't have to choose through our parents. We could create our own beliefs, language,

and values by combing the two and making our own rules. We found others who felt and been

through the same as we had. Being of two cultures gave us the "superpower" to adapt to society

and create friends of all and not feel like we were leaving one of our parents behind. I love both

of my parents; my mother's side of the family loves to swim in the lake and go camping.

In contrast, my father's side values southern cooked meals and family parties. I grew up

with one side saying, "we earn respect," and the other saying, "give respect to all, doesn't matter

who they are." As an example of the biracial community, we combined these two sayings giving

both values, "Give respect until they no longer have earned it." Being a biracial woman is a

beautiful thing until society finds out.

Being biracial is one thing adding a gender onto it is another. Gender is said to be"the

behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one sex" (Gender). I

claimed my gender to be a woman of feminine qualities. I am a housewife, a stay at home mom,

and I make sure my husband had food when he gets home from work. All things "society" says is

of a woman's qualities and should be doing. My parents raised me to do these things. To settle
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down with a man, love him through thick and thin, cook for him, cater to him, "keep up with me,

(hygiene, grooming), have children, nurture them, but my family told me to educate myself and

don't depend on a man to take care of you. Suppose something were to happen, know how to

survive. Understanding this concept is the reason for the young lady I chose in my second

quadrant. She resembles me, curly hair nice and neat and thick, but not fro'd out, a biracial

woman must watch how she wears her "good hair" in public. I did my makeup, so I didn't look

like I just rolled out of bed. I have to keep an appearance that I care about what I look like before

I walk out of the house. The glasses are a symbol of education, of brains. I don't want to be

mistaken for someone who fell into a "role" of gender identity; I want those to listen seriously. I

do all those things as a woman, not because I have to, but because I want to. They give room to

grow and don't hold me to the social rules of a woman. I am educated and educating myself; not

all of grandma's reflected appraisals are stuck.

My grandmother is a beautiful soul and raised me to be just like her. She is my best

friend and gives me the world wrapped in a bow in every word she speaks to me. She is my

"reflected appraisals, a mirroring of the judgments of other people; part of how the self-concept

develops" (Adler et al. 38-99). In quadrant three of my C.O.A, I have an African American

grandmother stirring something in a bowl. This clipart represents the love and tenderness my

grandmother judged me for and instilled in me. She gave me the idea that "I am a wonderful

cook," Therefore, I cook every day; she told me I was "the most nurturing person she knew," and

I became a mother she admires. The encouragement growing up from my grandmother gave me

the strength to love myself and value me as a person, a human being. If it weren't for my

grandmother and her words of gold, I would not have had the strength to move through the world

and would not have found my place. She told me, "you can do anything, and you belong to
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wherever you want to belong. People love people who can relate. You don't have to choose love

all to stay true to you." Because of those words, I have a building bridge to pass on to my little

ones.

Quadrant four, the group of moms. Did that surprise you? Good, it did me too. I thought

my "social comparison" would be fitness. Still, according to the definition of social comparison,

"evaluating oneself in terms of or by comparison to others" (Adler et al. 38-99), I find myself

comparing to other moms. I am a stay at home mom, and I home school them, we go to

playgroups, and I find myself looking in the mirror and checking out if I look like a "mom,

mom" or a "hot mom." I see moms dressed and ready for the day at eight am playgroups looking

like they got up at six am, got to drink their coffee hot, and work out. Here I am in sweatpants,

hair in a "messy bun," drinking cold coffee because I had to fight with my son all morning to put

on socks after staying up all night to study for an exam.

I can't see how these moms do it. I tried it once for a doctor's appointment, set my alarm

and everything. Got up, thought the day was going to go smooth, and bam, right before I could

even make into the car, my coffee spills all over my shirt, my son decides he doesn't want to get

in the car seat, and my daughter all of a sudden forgets how to wipe her butt. There isn't enough

time to change my shirt and do all the tasks at hand, so I take the team's hit, and we make it to

the appointment by one minute. Coffee stain and all, we finish and head to the playgroup. I felt

so embarrassed, looking at all the "clean moms" trying to cover my shame with a jacket I found

in the car. This thought to myself, I am a mess, but I keep going back and keep looking for ways

to evaluate how good I am at being a mom compared to them. I don't know why I do it; maybe I

am competitive and want to see them on a bad day to rub it in, or perhaps I like seeing what I

could be like if I lived in their shoes. Who knows, I know I will be back to that same playgroup
 Holloway 5

every Thursday at nine am (they moved the time down so the late sleepers, Aka me, can get there

on time and the kids have time to play) cold coffee and all.

Each of the four quadrants in my "Code of Arms" represents my unique individual. I

wouldn't change a thing, and I value each one. They are who I am and what I bring into this

world. I carry a lot of weight on my shoulders and respect everyone's opinion, but to know I have

qualities that are me, leaving a print in the world with my name attached, means a lot and gives

honor to my being. I found my self-concept by being identified by my biracial culture, being a

woman, having a "reflected appraisal" by my grandmother, and shaping myself with "social

comparison" from mommy groups, exciting and proud to be a part of each one.
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Works Cited

Adler, Ronald, et al. "Culture and Interpersonal Communication; Interpersonal Communication

and the Self." Interplay The Process of Interpersonal Communications, Oxford

University Press, 2018, pp. 38–99.

"Gender." Merriam-Webster.com Dictionary, Merriam-Webster, https://www.merriam-

webster.com/dictionary/gender. Accessed 25 Sep. 2020