Whatre ionna do with this thing? OK, +his is your book now, so technically you can do whatever i want with a de A 6 so sain apes bs Ste Gl al ‘sure pe held on. pi Because one day youre gonna want to show people what you were lke back when you were a kid. ae WOW, HE WAS Sahu) (ancreDIBLy SaRT ano) TS TRUE \ WITTY EVEN THEN! / : Ba 7 Vhatever you doy just make sure you don't wee down your’ “feelings” in here. Because one things for sure: This is NOT a diary.TE you be marooned for the rest of yew whet cald you want +o have with you? Video games Your DESERT ISLAND picksHave you Have you ever gotten a haircut that was. bad you needed to stay hone zt From school? e Have you ever had +o put suntan lotion on « grominup? && yes Noa Hae you ever been bitten by an animal? Have you ever been. YesO EX yesO nog © nog Have you ever ried to blow a bubble with « rovthful of raisins? 3 & yeso nog EVER... Have you ever peed in swineing pool? ae Yeso NOO Sep. Have you ever been kissed full on the lips by « relative who's older than seventy? SS Ud oe YesO NOO Have you ever been sent hone early by one of your Roe parents? " yesO noo =} | Have you ever had to change « diaper? x kame 2 Crete (Yes noo ikWhat's your favorite ANIMAL? Write down FOUR ADJECTIVES that describe why you like that animal Mhat's your favorite COLOR? a Write down FOUR ADJECTIVES that describe why you like that calor: ‘OA 40 >ANIHLL FWO3d WHO WOOD * Honey sek sey umep spain nok “STISWNOA JO >NIHL MOA SIMINy *22Imp 29h Joy wep ayean PERSONALITY ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS AND T THEN FLIP THE BOOK. UPSIDE DOWN TO FIND OUT THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT YOURSELF. What's the title of the last BOOK you read? e- List FOUR ADJECTIVES thet descrie what you thought of that book What's the name of your favorite MOVIE? — fil. Weite down FOUR ADJECTIVES that describe why you liked +hat reve! sino hon or “IOOHOS 40 DNIKL OOA MOH *#>FP seas oa og Hm a on) rep aan wok salle a 3471 3a TINOA Lyre EP poh on an a ALUnfinished COMICS Zoo-Wee Mama! Zoo-Wee Mama!What's in your - BRAIN?Predict the ea) 5 && MS FS T offically predict that twenty years from now — instead of gesolne A cheeseburger wil cost $___, and a ticket 40 the movies will cost $__. Pets will have their cars will eUn oh _ own 5. Underwear will be made ovt of Ee will no longer exist Anand a will be president. There will be rere than people. The annoying catchphrase wil be: FUTURE Aliens will visit our planet in the year and inake the following announcerent: /sroccou wis) NEVER MEANT TO | (SSE EATEN!) 7, $2 LAAT The number-one hing that will ge+ on old peoples nerves twenty years from now will be URSE THOSE (canara 3 WHIRRRR \ FOS860Predict the IN FIFTY YEARS: YOUR FIVE BOLD PREDICTIONS FOR THE FUTURE: Robots and mankind will be locked in a bate for supremacy. TRUE. FALSE O BR = oon EYE) ©) Sour my) Parents will be banned from dancing within ¢wersy feet of their children. TRUE O) FALSE i vw People will have anstattnessaging chips implanted in their bras. TRUE C1 FALSE (WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN NOW SO YOU CAN TELL YOUR FRIENDS "T TOLD YOU SO" LATER ON.)Answer these questions, then check back when yotre an adult to see how you dil! _WHEN TM 30 YEARS OLD SI T wil ve__riles from my current hore. Twill be: MARRIEDO SINGLE O T wil have kids and a eieiacan OO a T will work as a dollars a year. Y T will take a to work every day. T will Wve in a Predict YOUR future | oa cm bi _feet_ P all. T vil have the sane basc hairart T have now. TRUEQ FALSEO. Twi have the sane best friend T. have right how. TRUEQ FALSE T will be in really excellent shape. TRUEQ FALSED T.nu isten +o the sare kind of music T listen to row. TRUEQ FALSE O different countries. K y The thing that will change the nost abovt ne between now and then will be: T will have visitedPredict YOUR What you'ce basically gonna do here is rol «die over and over erasing off itens when you land on them, like this: — AST ROLL: [} > | 2ND ROLLE} 17 2 | LOCATION 3RD ROLL caw yn Keep going through the list, and when you get to the end, jump back 4o the beginning. When there's only one item left in a category, circle it, Once joe got an iter in each category circled, youll ie your future! Good hick! : i eG Mountains City Tetherg KIDS: None One Two Ten PET: Dog Cat Bird Turtle fe pEAg JOB: Doctor Actor Clonn Mechanic Lawyer Piet Pro athlete Dentist Magician Whatever you want VEHICLE: Car Motorcycle, Helicopter Skateboard SALARY: $100 4 year $100,000 « year $1 million « year $100 million @ yearSERVANTS! QUARTERS. BEBEFRIENDS .C —_k MOST LIKELY TO FALL ‘ASLEEP IN CLASS GQ MOST LIKELY TO FAINT \T TE SIGHT OF BLOOD MOST LIKELY TO BECOME PRESIDENT iC —_ MOST LIKELY TO BECOME. A BILLIONAIRE, MOST LIKELY TO BE ON ‘A REALITY TV SHOW MOST LIKELY TO JOIN THE CIRCUS MOST LIKELY TO ACCIDENTALLY WEAR PAJAMAS TO SCHOOL C2 MOST LIKELY TO SET 5m GREG & you ever ~ e008 ded you were 5 THANG! fp sly a ¢ (NEW VIDEO GAME) A few questions Whats the most embarrassing thing that ever happened 4o soneane who wasnt you? @ ot Whats the worst thing you eter ate? iss How many steps does it take you 40 jump into bed after you ten off the “S ony How much would you be willing +o 7 for an entra how of sleep oes i+ get on your nerves when people skip? Did you ever do sorething bad that you never ‘get busted for? in the morning? a7g UnfiniWhich would you 0 Sleep in she bathed 1 Sleep in your parents’ bedroom O Eat the same food at every real for the rest of your life 1D Watch the same TV series for Ol Have the power 40 tur invistle, for ten seconds at a time e power to fly, but only sho feet off the ground Z a O Go without television for a month. © Go without the internet for a month G1 Spend +he whole right in a haunted house Ps is O Spend one minute in « room full of spiders ey O Be the main actor in a really bad movie Tl Have 4 sell part in really good revie )? lear the same Helloween costume every year ( 1 ( Sear the sane pair of socks for a. week r tj x 0 Try to sell chocolate bars to your velphrs for sho! fesse Give up candy for a month Be so famous that everyone ons who you are Live a quiet life and have complete pracy CO Have the power to predict the future Ci Have the power to see into the past O Get a free pass from taking « shower or bath Get a fre pus fom dang your honewerk. >. Ca Cl Have alll of the world’s music for free Cl Have all of the world's video ares for freeGood advice for Uo Don't use the bathroom oh the second oor, because there aren't any stall doors in there. ‘Qe Be careful who you sit next 40 in the cafeteria (THAT COOKIE aye (AMRF!) oe Be Dens pick your nose right before you get your school picture taken. aa rene weet 8006e! SeQa ye D Jf Draw up your AMILY TRE E < reste your OWN family es in the space below!Your FAVORITES ir LEAST favorites TV chow TV show Band: Band Sports team’ Sports tear: Food: Food Celebrity: Celebrity: Snell cel Villain: Villain: Shoe brands Shoe brand: Store: : Store: Soda Soda Cereal: Cereals Super hero: Super here: 7 Coy r. ated staurants stauranti Athlete’ Athlete: Gane system Came aie Conic strip: Comic: strip? Magazine Magazine: Car: Car:BEST DREAM Best PO TO een OOOO0OOO0000) o G0oo000000o00og OOG00000G0000) S5500000007% BEST ATHLETIC FEAT EST MOMENTS 9 FUNNIEST QUOTE COOLEST ‘AWARD BEST MEAL BEST, HALLOWEEN COSTUME,Things you should do 0 Stay up all night. go jee Oi Ride on roller coaster with « loop in it. 0 Get in a food fight. fp ‘ di C1 Get an autograph from a famous. person. 11 Get « hole m one an riniature gif. By : 1D Ge yorsef « haven Qi C1 Wate dom an dea or as ert, 2 2 Read a whole book with no pictures in it. Beat someone who's older fae {o> hoy al 1 Make it through 4 whole lollipop without biting it. eae i No) DI Use « porte-potty. 3 [ i 1 Score at least one point in an organized © Spend ahree nights in a row away from hone. sport. 1 Mail someone a letter with a real stan and everything. D1 Try ovt for a talent show. O ReseThe BEST JOKE Make your own OO svar heard TIME CAPSULE (Were), Herdeeds of years from now, | CAPSULE | people are gonna mart to know Lk =| how you lved your lifes What OLR EES | binds of clothes dd you wear? Vat kinds of stuff dd you read? What dd you do for entertainment? Fill up 4 box with things you think wil give people in the future a gpod picture of what you're lke. List the things youre gonna putin ise bury it where to ohe wil dig it up for a long tine! 5. Frye 6. 2. 8.Five things NOBODY |The WORST NIGHTMARE KNOWS about you ii BECAUSE THEY NEVER BOTHERED TO ASKWe Don’t talk 40 me before 8:00 in the orning. oo + Don't make ne sit next to my little brother aa“The SCOOP on your “he person youd trust to keep sent The person who'd be a good roommate ih college: The person youd trust to 9p dlothes shopping for you eruon youd trast 40 ge you a baie “The person who's the worst lac: The person who’ most kely to blame a fart on soneone else: he person ha’ most likely 40 borrow sonething and forget +o age it buck: LASSMATES2°A The person who'd have the best Bocce of sucssing inthe wilds The person you'd want +o do po hanenork for yout The person who doesnt have a Bshispering vice’: The person you wouldn't want sto get ina fistfight with Fhe person who you wish ined In your reighborhood Fhe pecson whos most likely to do sonething crazy on. dares The person you really wouldn't wart 4o get had of this book?Your life, by qnuterining £5 Bh Most bowls of cereal you've Ep are econ st ne fe Longest youve ever been grounded: Latest you'e ever oe, jen for school been for sci HK Number of tines youve EEREAIL) been chased by odes Number of times you've been locked out of +he house: numbers ae money youve ever saved up hoves you're spent ing horework in ane night: Length of the shortest book yore ever ved for « book report thest distance you'e ever walked: angest ye ever gone without watching TV: lumber of times Syosve gotten caught picking your ros Number of tines youve gotten away with picking your nose!Your life, by Age you were when ea to ride a bop 27.4 Longest amount of tine yore spent avay from hone Anaunt of tine you spend oe @ $A, en. Aat yr pik if you bad to SPE stay the sane age freer fe Number of tines you've watched your favorite movie: Number of tines yeu flown in an ag 56 ie number's runber of tines you'e fast food in a single & A & F of states youve been to: st pets yoie had ot one tine: Beata Longest you'e ever waited in lineUnfinished Li’ Cutie 66 Mommy, did my pencil go to heaven? 9 Li’ Cutie i'1 CutieCome up with your case you get ° CATCHPHRASE — AMNESIA... the moves are always getting clonked on , then waking up and not remembering You know how some character in a movie or a TV | show says sonething funny, and the next thing you know, EVERYONE is saying it? Well, why they are or where they came from. Tn case, hot cone up with your OWN catchphrase, print happens to you, you shoud write down TE Thi wre eprint fas dock ysl woe oy apt a head start on geting your renory back! up a bunch of Teshits, and totaly cash in? another catchphrase and pot it ona hat! “7he BADDEST THING pu ever did as a litte kid) Probing eae se YesO noo = |, Which restaurant do you think | cies'| makes the best french fries? — ee What's sonething you rid oe bet al \ >} ever try again? Vat’ something you with you SH | | Lee! : { ahi ct bsheemgh ts Tf you could eliminate ohne hots which one would you choose? 66 UESTIONS 0d do you think « person Bo Ad have tobe before they get thei frst cll ghone? ue” Hs the most boring sport to watch on TV? Te you cud gp on a shopping spree at any store, which store woud you choose? e Hf someone wrote a about your life, Dehat would the title be? | The Grog Hefy Sty 0Practice your rr INJURIES SIGNATURE asA few questions Sifrom ROWLEY js! De you. believe. in umicorna? ee ee wh Sind pack 1? F&. A> Betewng my older brother when he said it "Pajama Day” at my school cS. ‘De Taking « dare shat probaly wasnt worth it (1 ow mm you evs ») Owe ME A QUARTER! ) a Se B+ Cuing Tvny Brener my empty soda bottle ee yenety HOLY COW! 1 JUST WON! A MILLION BUCKS!Create =] owl PORTS TEAM TEAM NAME: amy: fl sport: (OGY LOGO: re MASCOT:Unfinished OMICS Creighton the Cretin CREIGHTON, WHY WAS THIS ENGLISH MUFFIN IN THE VD PLAYER?ae Make your SIOWN comics :/))& & RODRICK’ NTELL TESTER: Do this maze and hen check +o see if youre dumb or smart. a hc. fp pen Ly cass Pot this sentence up to a mirror and then read it 4s loud 6s you can: UOFOM A MAT Fill in the blank below: Qi Who is awesome? A: RODR_CK Hints T) ger this question yes or no only: Are you embarrassed that you ov want to start a band? Well I fs youre out of luck because the yest Name is already taken and ’s Léded Diper. But if yu still it to Start a band then you can this mix-and-mateh things” RST HALF SECOND HALE Wisid Lpzerd ast ge Vier Vers a Killer syete Ransid. Smellz PS. Th you use one of these names you one mea hundred bucks.LEAD —/p LEAD GUITARIST: gf BASS GUITARIST:Write your own DIPER OVERLODE by Rodrick Heftley Were coming through your speakers vy Runnin’ through your oun We're postin ahrough your headphones And your eyes ane turnin’ brow We're pumpin’ up the volume fod wl can't BE Stopped Your brains are leakin’ out your ears Your head's about +0 pop. This is o Diper? 1% y A Diper Overlide. ©) And You better run for cover ‘Cauke we're ‘bout +0 explode. Said its Dipert A Diper Over lade. And four methers gama. shudder When +his Diper hits the road. The pressure’s buildin! up now And we're about to bust out? ye Rockin’ stadiums, gymnasiums, Tf you're feelin’ us, shout! J Yes, it’s a Diper! A Diper Overlode. ‘Ard you ain't been sis covered Since the last +ime i+ snowed,Design your own MMOUR BUS (ere3. Your DRESSING M requirements TE you end vp being « famous musician or « move right as well get your list together now s0 stat, youre gonne need to put together a list tt youre ready when you hit the ig tine. of ahings you'll need in your dressing room 7 Requirenents for Greg Heffley - page 1 of 9 3 liters of grape soda 2 extra-large pepperoni pizzas 1 bowl of jelly beans (no pink or white ones) 1 52-inch plasma 17 3 video game consoles with 10 games apiece 1 soft-serve sce cream machine 10 wattle cones 1 pair of slippers s+ bathroom must have heated toilet seat, + toilet paper must be name brandjs] How well do Answer these questions, and then ask your and the sane things. Keep trac of how many answers you got right FRIEND'S NAME: —__— Has your frend ever gotten carsick?. Te your friend could. meet any celebrity, who would it be? here was your friend born? Has your friend ever laughed sibel shes nik cua a of their nose? Has your frend ever been sent’ the principal’ office? S110: YOU KNOW YOUR FRIEND SO WELL ITS SCARY 6-8: NOT BAD... YOU KNOW YOUR FRIEND PRETTY WELL! your FRIENDP fs your friend's favorite food? yur friend ever broken 2. was the last tine your und wet the bed? f your friend had 40 wnently. transform into animal, what animal would 2 jour friend secret si of clowns? i ‘Now count up your corcectanawers and look at he eae ble to St how you di. 2-5: DID YOU GUYS JUST MEET OR SOMETHING? (O-1: TIME TO GET A NEW FRIENDTake a friendship ) PAI en TEST mtn de ah a Tl , and circle one you SA\fi- 6 ez B Ag As Some e 5 ef sla Ell alts suIf you had a TE you coud go back in tine and change the fotre, but you only h five minctes, where would you go? LE you could go back in tine and witness any event in history, whet would it be? Tf you had to be stick living in Some tine perid in the! past, what tine period would you pick? ME MACHINE... yor could go back and videotape one event own life, what would it be? f you could. go back and tel your past self one ing, what woud it be? BLE you could.go forward nine and ell your ture self sonething, what would it be? ‘YOU LOOK RIDICULOUS IN THOSE SOCKS!ie Totally aweso “The “Stand on One Foot” rick STEP ONE: On you way. home from school, bet your friend ‘they can't stand oh one foot for three minutes withovt talking. 5 (THE) cnaw?) A M MBER: = e WOKE YOU'VE PLAYED ON A FAMILY MEI STEP TWO: While your friend stands on one A JOKE YOUVE PLAYED ON A FRIEND: fost, knock real hard on sone erabby neighbor's Front door. i 2 JOKE YOUVE PLAYED ON A TEAGIER: STEP THREE: Run. (@#em YOU) 5 \ WANT? yDraw your BEDROO way it looks right nowUnfinishec ‘The Amazing Fart Police OMICS je Amazing Fart Police | One re SUBURBS. ; c > BLARPIS| T+ wasn't Don't you know me! T+...t4 \lflghat girls dont fart?) s my = = |\ DAUGHTERY Nice try. Youre gping to the ca X slammer: G 8Your best ideas BAD-BREATH DEFLECTOR HR WASKEFFLEY, DO YOU Care HABAVE YOUR HiHOMEWOR aN { w ean oury Ne ELASTIC STRAP ANIMAL TRANSLATOR. L PHONE. FLAVOR STICK, AEP eon pst . ‘CAN BE. SOUR. ROLLING PIN, COATED win POTATO Cup FLAVOR DUST NTIONS >: DOWN YOUR OWN AWESOME IDEAS © YOU CAN PROVE YOU CAME UP WITH THEM BEFORE ANYONE ELSE.Design your own SHOES Famous athletes have thei own custom desighed shoes, 50 why shouldn't you? Design a basketal shee and a sneaker #hat fit your personality. All-Purpose XCUSE MAKER forget +o do your honework? Where you late | Aoeeremarents by Encise Maker to get yourself avt ofa tnd ‘pick one item from each colin and youre all et! TORE UP | MY HOMEWORK ATE My BUS MY BEDROOM My CLOTES My LUNOH YOUR MONEY THE TOILET INJURED MY LUNCH!= amap of | (GREG VEFFLEYS NEIG-BORHOOD be Se <@n 2 Gon) Fetes @S,.o% Y THE SNELLAS waaay f Lg HOUSE 9 ST y Na Qe ss at fa 7 3 SHORTCUT. Ft Se er Si. (vevanos — — HOUSE, = Ga) Sl vouy @) \fesct HILLS'S: HOUSE. & wwREETING CARDS FRONT INSIDE. Om sory that it ve ec aaThe BEST VACATIO you ever went onUnfinis Xtreme Sk8ers© If you Tf you had the power to read other peoples thoughts, would you realy want to use it? >. YESO NOG poe ¢ -LWONDER IF MY BAND-AID FELL OFF INTO THAT BAG. OF POTATO CHIPS? Tf you were a sper hero, would you want 40 have a sidekick? YESQ. NOD Cares yyou sort IPERPOWERS... yoo were a superhero, woul you Keep your ity secret? YESO NOU (GREG, LITTLE JOEY FELL DOWN WELL AND He NEEDS YOU TO SAVE HIM!A few questio De you ever put ead in your belly $0! you can have a snack later on? Do animals eyer use their thoughts talk +0 yous : (Bre we best (eiends FOREVER, \Uittle sqarreiz,/ £ Fergyer = Fregie Has your guidence counselor ever called you “unpredictable and dangerous’? BETCHA I CAN FIND YOUR, “TICKLE SPOT"! FREGLEY <5 had a tat, what would you do jth it? ‘you ever eaten a scab? yu wonna play “Dioper Whip ? ove you ever been sent home, fron school early for “hygiene issues’?Create your o' Dream up +he ultinate Sonpetition, then pick winner! Heres how it works: First, come up with category for your tourmanent (Movie Villains, Sports Stars, Cartoon Characters, Bands, Breakfast Foods, TV Shows, et.) “Then write an entry on each one of the numbered, lines. Jedge the winher of each individua! matchup and move +he winner +o the next round. ROUND 1 ROUND 2 ROUND 3 SURNAMENT ple, ina battle of breakfast foods, you Ht pick cereal over eggs, so cereal would make it fe next round. ap going until only two entries remain. When your 1 F. tears. fae off, circle the one you think best. That's your winner! ROUND 1Take 4 look at these inkblots and write down what you think they look like. You'll have +o use You" imagination! What you Seen these inkbl probably says something abovt your personaly but its up 4o you to decide WHAT!your AUTOBIOGRAPHY Chapter One CHILDHOOD 1Lwas born in - Iwas __ inches long and pounds, and I looked like a I spent my first few months doing a lot of and __ until 1 was _ months old and I finally started to Froma very early age, I had a talent for . but I never really got the ___ Hiked to eat but [never could stand hang of When I tumed __, I started to get really interested in but I got bored with that when Itumed and moved onto ____ instead, 8 alittle kid, 1 was brave enough to but was act, to this day, I won't go near a My best friend growing up was a kid named . who now works as a in My most treasured possession as a kid was a My best birthday ty was when I turned ___and I got a new from My favorite TV show was and when I wasn’t atching television, I'd for hours ata time. When I was a little kid, everyone always told Ime that one day, I'd grow up to become a __. Who knew that I'd actually become a100-WEE MAMA \, FI: Reve! T am buried alive! Ry new ling Opies of Fw 40ure fal