I WILL NEVER I will not move my cards -

use things, use people

PURSUE YOU just to get to you.
I will be secure
Maybe I’m beginning to like you a lot, even if we do not get to be together
but I will never pursue you. as often as I would want us to.
  I will be happy
  even if we do not get to know each other
Around me, I’m tempted by all these pawns as fast as I want us to.
calling me to use them, I will not sulk
looking me in the eye, saying if I do not get my way
maybe you and I can ”accidentally” bump into in trying to make way
each other in a coffee shop; for us to finally talk.
maybe we can schedule “friendly dates” with  
a bunch of conniving friends; I choose to be secure
maybe I can start “innocent” topics with you even if such things are way out of my control.
over that gleaming chat box, Perhaps my heart will rest more happily
ask you things that no one would brand as knowing that I have never orchestrated
bad, things
I can even send you “wrong sends.” by employing selfish methods;
But even this early, I realized never cheated you
that albeit pawns are the most numerous by whispering my own words through other
pieces in a game, people’s mouths,
at the end of the day, never betrayed you
they are but by telling you at the end of the day
the weakest. that it is I who made everything possible,
that it is I who worked behind the scenes,
that it is I who controlled and manipulated
everything
just like some pathetic cheater
Don’t get me wrong - in any easy exam.
I want to be with you.  
Just to get to know you more,  
I am ready to manipulate If anything, maybe I can write these things
so many things - about you in secret
things I can hide in my heart’s darkest cellars for now
things you would never have to know then just tell you everything (laughingly) in the
I did. future.
And I am so sorry Plenty of time to bide,
if so many times to strive,
I feel terribly inclined to make things happen to try to improve myself,
in a forced manner become a better woman.
through the methods I uncannily know; But one thing I’ll never do is pursue you.
and always try to get in your way I’ll never do the pursuing
even if most of the time, the making way
it’s way out of mine. the courting
I would never want to know the getting to know
how it is to look at you And the trying to be close to you part.
knowing that only my own human hands Because it’s not my part.
engineered the story I’ll stick to the part that I know -
we so thoughtlessly call ours. and that is to keep my heart pure.
  So pure
I choose not to get my hands dirty. That when love finally finds me
  I’ll know that what I have is divine.
My part is to trust God,
to fix my eyes on Him,
to acknowledge His sovereignty in all my life’s
areas
I don’t want human hands
Not mine.
Not yours.
I want the only Hands that matter –
His.
That as I wait, He’ll be my only delight
my singular motive,
my one true purpose;
for His will and His person
to become my life's utmost concern.
I’ll never pursue you or anyone else.
I’ll pursue the One
who loves me best,
knows me best,
and who’s the only authority to deem it best
if ever you are the one
I should have in my life…
 
Or not.
 
 
Until then, I may find myself liking you too
much,
but I will never pursue you.