I WILL NEVER PURSUE YOU Ann Luna (August 11, 2014)
Maybe I’m beginning to like you a lot,
but I will never pursue you. Around me,
I’m tempted by all these pawns calling
me to use them, looking me in the eye,
saying maybe you and I can
”accidentally” bump into each other in a
coffee shop; maybe we can schedule
“friendly dates” with a bunch of
conniving friends; maybe I can start
“innocent” topics with you over that
gleaming chat box, ask you things that
no one would brand as bad, I can even
send you “wrong sends.” But even this
early, I realized that albeit pawns are
the most numerous pieces in a game, at
the end of the day, they are but the
weakest.
Don’t get me wrong - I want to be
with you. Just to get to know you
more, I am ready to manipulate so
many things - things I can hide in
my heart’s darkest cellars things
you would never have to know I did.
And I am so sorry if so many times I
feel terribly inclined to make things
happen in a forced manner through
the methods I uncannily know; and
always try to get in your way even if
most of the time, it’s way out of
mine. I would never want to know
how it is to look at you knowing that
only my own human hands
engineered the story we so
thoughtlessly call ours.
pursuing the making way the
courting the getting to know And the
I choose not to get my hands dirty. I
trying to be close to you part.
will not move my cards - use things,
Because it’s not my part. I’ll stick to
use people just to get to you. I will
the part that I know - and that is to
be secure even if we do not get to
keep my heart pure. So pure That
be together as often as I would want
when love finally finds me I’ll know
us to. I will be happy even if we do
that what I have is divine. My part is
not get to know each other as fast
to trust God, to fix my eyes on Him,
as I want us to. I will not sulk if I do
to acknowledge His sovereignty in
not get my way in trying to make
all my life’s areas I don’t want
way for us to finally talk. I choose to
human hands Not mine. Not yours. I
be secure even if such things are
want the only Hands that matter –
way out of my control. Perhaps my
His. That as I wait, He’ll be my only
heart will rest more happily knowing
delight my singular motive, my one
that I have never orchestrated
true purpose; for His will and His
things by employing selfish
person to become my life's utmost
methods; never cheated you by
concern. I’ll never pursue you or
whispering my own words through
anyone else. I’ll pursue the One
other people’s mouths, never
who loves me best, knows me best,
betrayed you by telling you at the
and who’s the only authority to
end of the day that it is I who made
deem it best if ever you are the one
everything possible, that it is I who
I should have in my life…
worked behind the scenes, that it is
I who controlled and manipulated
everything just like some pathetic
cheater in any easy exam. If
anything, maybe I can write these Or not. Until then, I may find myself
things about you in secret for now liking you too much, but I will never
then just tell you everything pursue you.
(laughingly) in the future. Plenty of
time to bide, to strive, to try to
improve myself, become a better
woman. But one thing I’ll never do is
pursue you. I’ll never do the