MUSC 648

1. Name of file MUSC 648 peer review 3

2. Yes, it includes all of these things.
3. The claim is clear – however, I think some of the words chosen need some definition and more
background information. Additionally, I believe the sentences following the claim can be
condensed into the thesis sentence.
4. Yes it is – each paragraph flows logically and I did not notice many lapses in judgement or
reasoning. Organizing it by discussing the problem and commenting seems very logical for this
type of pedagogical work.
5. Yes – although topic sentence implies each paragraph has some sort of direct relation to the
thesis. I essentially mean that your paragraph structure is good, and flows well. Each paragraph
doesn’t need to be directly making its own independent point – some can comment or add onto
prior paragraphs (which you do) - you effectively organized the paper!
6. As this is a draft, I’m sure that there is additional reasoning that is not in the paper. So far, the
paper is logical and thorough.
7. I think there could be slighly more interaction with the sources, perhaps block quotations or
examples or otherwise. However, the reasoning and the analysis brought by the author themselves
is solid.
8. Not that I can find.
9. A few periods are missing – but I’m sure in a cursory revision you can find them. Otherwise they
are fine.
10. Yes – no issues at all.
11. Not that I saw!
12. Keep adding more information, and detail, and interact with your sources a bit more. Your points
are quite interesting and valid, and I’d like more!

This is a very interesting paper. I will admit that during your presentation in class, I did not completely
understand the argument, but upon reading the paper itself, the argument clarified itself. Admittedly, a big
reason I did not join choir as a kid was my fear of my voice change! So more research and finding better
ways of teaching during this period is very important! This seems like it is a much-avoided area of study
because of the complexities involved physiologically and biologically, but you are approaching the topic
holistically and your argumentation makes good sense. Keep writing, and I am sure you will have a very
effective paper!