UNCONSCIOUS COUPLING

Mistake #1: Hating the person we use to love. To emotionally disconnect from hating
them to devaluing them, hating them, despising them.

Mistake #2: Failing to take our responsibility for our role in the breakup. Number of
ways we covertly colluded with the other person. To reclaim your power, understand
yourself as the source of your experience. Trust yourself

Mistake #3: Buying into the myth that time heals everything. It isn’t time, it’s us who
does the work/healing.

Unconscious Coupling: 5 Step Process

Mistake #1: From Soul Mate to Soul Hate experience. Behave outside of how we want
to be. Hurt people then hurt people. We end up doing great damage and destruction.

Learn to hold and harness big emotions to energy of creativity to change. From
destruction to construction.

Pain not necessarily new pain, maybe new pain. The original source fracture. Part of
the intensity is the rage within us. The one person to fix this has just ripped the scab
off. Feels betrayal.

Harness emotions into a positive force for change.

Mistake #2: Failing to take full responsibility for the relationship ending. Focus on our
role deeply, not blame what the other partner did

Put the pieces of our shattered psyche back together.. The story usually incomplete
and inaccurate, so we can’t move on or completing the transaction.

How you gave your power away. Reclaim your partner. We only resent people to the
extent we given our power away. How colluded and created the dynamic. How you
minimized the ‘red flags’. How your 1st attention on your partner and self-abandoning.
Martyr yourself to get this person to love you. Take full responsibility.

Once you take full responsibility – you see your core beliefs causing your story. Then
start to challenge the underlying assumptions to weave a whole new narrative.

People pleasing, chronic self abandonment, blame & shame stunts development.
Objective inquiry into the source of your experience. If blaming and shaming, you are
transforming.. What was motivating me – trying to buy her love – auditioning to be
worth loving – foster a sense of dependence so she wouldn’t leave. Take a stand to do
UNCONSCIOUS COUPLING

right by yourself. True to yourself – open your heart = wholesome love, truth joy &
happiness.

How I am the source of my experience.

Mistake 3: Buying into the myth that time heals all wounds.
It is up to us to do the work. Time can diminish the acuteness of pain to a low grade
depression – the heartbreak will steal your joy and diminish your spirit.

Deliberate and conscious efforts to evolve relating to yourself and others, new
relationship skills, will actually heal you and liberate you - true feeling and evolution.

Clearing up covert hostile action towards former partner.

Nothing he did was good enough. She could never get the emotional feelings she
wanted from him.

How demoralized and inadequate he felt. Adjust her expectations and appreciate him
for the man who he was. She expressed how she needed emotional support.

We all have an inner guidance system. Stop listening because you’ve been so betrayed.