Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at

http://download.archiveofourown.org/works/8369359.

Rating: Not Rated

Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Category: F/F
Fandom: The 100 (TV)
Relationship: Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Lexa/Raven Reyes (friendship), Raven
Reyes/OC
Character: Clarke Griffin, Lexa (The 100), Raven Reyes, Octavia Blake, Bellamy
Blake, Finn Collins, many more - Character
Additional Tags: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha Lexa, Omega Clarke, Omega
Raven, Omega Octavia, Alpha Bellamy, Alpha Finn, Clexa Endgame,
Slow Burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa, implied rape, Mentions of Rape, Non
graphic mention of rape, Smut, gun talk, Gun Violence
Stats: Published: 2016-10-24 Updated: 2017-09-02 Chapters: 18/? Words:
86555

Torn between shadows

by Raven73

Summary

Past, summer before sophomore year of high school:

Clarke knew things would be different when she saw an Alpha girl longboarding towards
them with Raven on her back. Clarke could see she was Trikru, the braids, the dark
clothing and the tattoos gave her away. She was gorgeous and Clarke ached to put her on
paper, she knew she was in trouble, she promised to herself that she would never befriend
another alpha, she loathed them and their savage instincts, their need to posses everything.
Clarke blessed her luck when she noticed that the Alpha girl, Lexa, had taken a liking to
her, trying to be her friend and sometimes attempting more, gently asking for harmless
coffee dates. Clarke turned her down until the girl stopped asking.

Present, junior year of high school.

Clarke never thought she would wake one day to watch Lexa lying unconscious on a
hospital bed. She never thought Bellamy would admit to hurting her, to having to pull her
off of Clarke because Lexa had forced herself on her. Somewhere in the back of her mind
she knew Lexa wouldn't do that, but Bellamy had been her friend her whole life. Who told
the truth?

Notes
Hello! This is my first work with Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics, I find the concept
interesting and a challenge to me as writer. There will be some changes to how the actual
A/B/O dynamics work for the sake of the plot of the story, they will be pointed out as the
story goes.

There will be two story lines, Past and Present, I will alternate chapters between the two.

Please leave comments, tell me what you are thinking and what you would like to see in
terms of plot.

I apologize to those who are reading my other work, I will do my best to update I soon.
 Present: what did you do?

It was something Raven never expected to see.

She knew something was wrong the moment she heard screaming coming from Clarke's house,
the moment she noticed the door had been forced open, the moment Octavia and her burst inside
to watch Bellamy, Octavia's brother and one of Raven's friends, throw Lexa Woods down the
stairs of the Griffin's house. They saw it clearly, they heard Bellamy screaming, telling Lexa to get
the fuck out, they saw Lexa put her hands up weakly, trying to say something, but Bellamy didn't
let her, he shoved her hard, Lexa tripped and a second later she was tumbling down the stairs,
every part of her body smashing against the steps until it crashed against the base of the stairs at
the living room floor.

Raven stood still at the threshold, her hand on the doorknob as she listened to the resounding echo
of Lexa's head hitting the floor. Raven could hear the sound of her own heart in her ears as she
watched Lexa laying there, motionless.

It was Raven the one who rushed to Lexa's side, kneeling besides her and ignoring the pain
shooting up her bad leg, her hands hovering over Lexa's body, not knowing what to do.

It was Octavia who started screaming.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO? WHAT DID YOU DO?" She screamed crazily, out of
herself as she watched her brother with furious eyes, her whole body spitting rage as her eyes
moved from Raven's pale, scared face, to her brother's, it didn't bear an ounce of remorse.

Octavia wanted to beat him into a bloody pulp, but he was family and family always came first.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" She screamed, "WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
LEAVE!"

"I did nothing wrong." He said, his face serious and stoic. Raven's eyes snapped up to look at
him. "She forced herself on Clarke, I did what I had to do, I protected her."

Octavia had never rushed up the stairs so fast.

"I don't give a shit why you did this, all I know is that she could be dead and you are the one who
hurt her, so I want you to get your ass out of here." She hissed, glaring at him and shoving his
chest. He gave her one last look before he rushed down the stairs, leaving the house.

Octavia moved quickly to Clarke's room and found her curled into herself on the floor, bawling
her eyes out, mumbling to herself with her eyes clutched shut, her shirt was torn and there were
scratches up and down her arms and face, there were also finger prints in her arms.

Octavia kneeled next to her without touching her, knowing it would only make it worse, her
fingers hovered over the prints on Clarke's skin, she cursed and clutched her eyes shut, she rushed
to the bathroom and grabbed a bunch of towels, running back down stairs to find Raven trying to
roll Lexa onto her back.

Octavia never saw her brother's baseball bat lying under Clarke's bed.

Octavia's breath faltered when she noticed the blood stain near Lexa's head and moved next to
Raven, helping her roll the girl over, watching as her limbs moved limply, lifeless.
She heard Raven hold back a sob when Lexa's face came into view, it had visibly been punched
repeatedly, her lips, nose, cheeks and eyes blackened and bloody, there was a huge gash running
over the top of her eyebrow, her temple and getting loss in her hairline, pouring black blood out
and soaking Lexa's hair and the floor, Octavia was quick to put the towel over the wound as she
told Raven to call for an ambulance.

Not a minute had passed since Raven had put down the phone when someone else entered the
house.

"What's the meaning of this?" Abby Griffin said, horrified as she rushed to the girls, kneeling
besides Lexa's body and quickly putting a hand on her neck to check for a pulse, leaning down
quickly after to listen to her breathing.

"Her heart is racing and she's having a lot trouble breathing." The woman said with worried eyes
as she grabbed some scissors from her bag and cut open her shirt.

"Oh God!" Raven cried, Lexa's entire left side was darkened, visibly swollen and distended.

"She has massive internal breathing, did you call an ambulance already?" Abby said as she felt
Lexa's abdomen with her hands and looked at the bump on Lexa's right clavicle, obviously
broken.

"Yes." Raven whispered, holding one of Lexa's hands in her own. Noticing her knuckles were
bloody and swollen, but Bellamy had looked completely fine.

"What happened?" Abby asked again, her tone severe as she leaned down to flash light into
Lexa's eyes.

"She fell!" Octavia rushed out. "Down the stairs, she fell!"

Abby was about to say something else when she heard Lexa let out a soft whimper, a watery red
green eye opened while the other one remained swollen shut.

"Hey honey," Abby whispered, "down worry, help is coming, you are gonna be just fine."

Lexa started saying something, but the doctor couldn't hear her, so she leaned down trying to
listen.

"Clarke... attacked... alley... I tried... protect... Finn... Bell...didn't.... listen." Abby took in the mess
of words as they rushed in her head.

Clarke was attacked in an alley, I tried to protect her from Finn, Bellamy didn't listen.

Abby was about to ask Lexa about Clarke when she saw the girl's green eye close, a shallow
breath leaving her mouth as her chest movement went to a stop. The doctor cursed as she started
chest compressions.

Raven covered her mouth with her free hand, crying openly as she squeezed Lexa's hand with her
own. Her friend was dead, right in front of her and she had watched another of friends do it.

"Octavia, wait outside for the paramedics, guide them here as soon as they come, we are losing
her." Abby said, her hands pushing down Lexa's chest as the girl remained still under her hands.
Octavia nodded, rushing outside and dragging the paramedics inside as soon as they came.

They watched in silence as they tried to shock Lexa back to life, giving up after the third time and
shaking their heads sadly at Abby, who snatched the paddles forcefully away from them and
shocked Lexa as many times as she had to, she didn't stop until she got a faint heart beat.

Raven and Octavia watched as they stuck tubes and needles into Lexa, strapping her onto a
gurney and taking her away, Abby leaving with them.

"Raven, I need you to help me with Clarke, she's upstairs, she's upset and she's crying."

"Is she dying?" Raven said angrily, "cause Lexa is and apparently she let your brother beat her
within an inch of her life right in front of her."

"Raven, you can't tell anyone." Octavia said, grabbing her hand, looking at Raven with a hurt
look once the girl snatched her arm with a hard tug.

"You better hope she doesn't die, because if something happens to Lexa I'll make sure your
brother pays for it." Raven said, standing up and leaving the house, jumping into a cab and going
to the hospital.

Octavia cursed under her breath, she went to the kitchen counter and grabbed a bottle of pills she
knew was there, she crushed them until they were dust and dissolved them into a glass of water,
going up to Clarke's room and sitting in front of her.

She started singing gently, avoiding touching Clarke, she did so for around ten minutes before the
blonde started calming down and started breathing easier and opened her eyes. Clarke tried to say
something, but Octavia didn't let her, offering her the glass and watching as Clarke downed the
whole glass without question.

They stayed like that, sitting in front of one another until Clarke's cries subsided and her breathing
evened out. Octavia carried her into bed and changed her into some pajamas, curling besides her
friend and whispering soft words into her ear.

...............

The next morning Clarke was woken up by harsh knocking, she felt someone jump next to her
and released a relieved breath when she noticed it was just Octavia, the knocking didn't stop and
Clarke rushed to the door to open it, her mother's exhausted face greeted her.

"Clarke honey!" Abby cried, pulling her daughter into a strong hug. "I was so worried about you,
I've been calling you all night, where have you been?"

"Right here mom," Clarke said, confused, she couldn't remember much from the night before.
"What happened? What's wrong?"

"Mrs Griffin, I'd like to speak to Clarke for a minute if you let me." Octavia said, intent on
keeping Clarke from telling Abby about her brother.

"No Octavia, this is far more urgent." Abby said, moving her gaze from Octavia and back to her
daughter. "Honey, you need to get to the hospital right away."

"Hospital?" Clarke's heart jumped to her throat. "Is dad okay? Where is he?"

"He's fine honey, this is about your friend, Lexa." Abby said, her crestfallen expression shaking
Clare to the core, she knew that face, it was the one her mother put up in the hospital when she
had to deliver bad news.

"Lexa? What happened to her?" Clarke said, holding onto her mother's arm for support.
"We don't know that for sure honey, we are trying to figure it out."

"What? She fell down the stairs, that's it, she fell down the stairs." Octavia interrupted.

"Maybe she did, but some of her injuries are not consistent with that, she was visibly beaten up,
punched, she has a clear hand print on one of her upper arms. The police will come soon to
investigate the house, this is a crime scene now, they will see if they can find something that gives
us a lead on the person who attacked Lexa." Abby paused. "We need to go to the hospital right
now Clarke, I want to get you checked too, you might have been attacked as well, get some shoes,
we are leaving, the police will be here soon."

Clarke didn't even stop to look at herself, she just grabbed her mother's arm and asked one
question.

"Mom, how bad is it?"

Abby looked down at the floor and Clarke felt like she had been punched in the gut.

"She had massive internal bleeding baby, the abdominal trauma caused her spleen to rupture, she
lost too much blood. She was hit repeatedly on the ribs with a very hard blunt object, her ribs
fractured and punctured her lung, it collapsed, she can't breathe on her own right now. We lost her
a few times while we tried to fix her honey, she couldn't breathe for a very long time, even if she
pulls through, she may never be the same again. And then there's the thing with her blood, we
don't have nightbloods in our town, they are very few even in the surrounding towns, but we
reached out to our colleagues in Trikru and floudonkru to see if they have some nightblood they
can spare for Lexa. They are doing their best to find it, but it's hard and I'm afraid that if she
doesn't get a transfusion in the next few hours, she will die. I'm sorry honey."

Clarke felt her whole world collapse as she fell into her mother's arms, crying her eyes out.

"You need to be strong right now, okay? Let's go, I'm sure she wants you by her side." Abby said
and Clarke nodded, they both forgot completely about Octavia as they left the room and drove
towards the hospital.

.................

When they got there Abby didn't let Clarke go and see Lexa, first, she forced her to go and get
checked, waiting anxiously outside of the room until her dear friend Indra left the room.

Indra invited Abby into her office, where Clarke was already waiting, sitting in a chair in front of
Indra's desk, hugging herself.

"Indra please, tell me." Abby pleaded and the woman looked back at her with a soft look.

"You have nothing to worry about Abby, Clarke has nothing but a few bruises and scratches,
nothing else. I couldn't find any traces of sexual abuse, just the few minor traces of assault I
already told you about."

"Do you have any idea of who did this?" Abby asked.

"The only thing I can say is that it was a male, the size of the hand prints says as much, woman's
hands, even those of an alpha woman are thinner and smaller, this were male hands." Indra said,
looking between Abby and Clarke and standing from her chair. "I'll give you both some time
alone." She said, before leaving her office.

Abby moved her chair closer to Clarke's and wrapped her arm around her daughter's back,
hugging her gently.

"You don't remember anything from last night?" Abby asked quietly, trying not to put pressure on
her daughter.

"The last thing I remember is going to the store near our house, I remember I had plans with the
girls, a girls night, Raven, Octavia and Lexa were supposed to get there later, I remember leaving
the store with a few bags with food and that's it, after that all is dark."

"Do you know who might have done this to you, or Lexa?"

"Most alphas in school have a thing against Lexa, they don't like her because she's special, but I
don't think they could have done this, it's too much and to me..." Clarke trailed off, her eyes
watering.

"Lexa woke up briefly yesterday, she said you were attacked by Finn in an alley and that she tried
to protect you. Have you seen him around, Clarke? Has he contacted you?"

"No, of course not! I haven't seen him since he was exiled, I swear I haven't!" Clarke said.

"I believe you honey, everything just doesn't make sense, I didn't found Lexa injured in an alley, I
found her at the bottom of the stairs at our house, Clarke."

"Maybe she got hurt while she tried to protect me, maybe she took me home but her injures were
too bad and she collapsed and fell down the stairs." Clarke said, trying to find something that
made sense in all the mess.

Abby hummed, unsure, and rubbed Clarke's shoulder in a comforting matter.

"We will let the police handle this. Do you still want to see Lexa?" Abby asked and Clarke
nodded, standing up and burying her face in the neck of her hoodie, it was Lexa's and she had
always found comfort in her scent.

They walked slowly through the familiar halls of the hospital until they got to the ICU floor. As
soon as Clarke got there she saw the familiar faces of Anya, Raven and Gustus. Clarke moved
away from her mother's side and sat next to Raven, her friend looked up at her with blood shot
eyes and Clarke reached for her hand.

"Have the doctors said anything?" Clarke asked.

"They don't think she's gonna make it." Anya spoke with a low voice, tears trailing down her
cheeks. "She will be gone by sunset if she doesn't get that blood. There is nothing the doctors can
do now."

Clarke covered her eyes with her hands, keeping herself from crying, she tried to keep it together
and stood from the chair, moving to Lexa's room.

She entered slowly, her heart beating hard in her ears as she moved to Lexa's side, bile rising to
her throat when she saw the state Lexa was in.

She was ghostly pale, her skin looking sickly grey, her lips were broken and swollen around the
plastic tube going down her throat, there was a line of stitches running over her cheekbone and a
butterfly closure over he bridge of her nose. There was no part of her face that wasn't bruised,
both her eyes and her cheeks, her left eye was so swollen it looked deformed and Clarke had to
take a minute to look away and pull herself together.
She sat next to Lexa and carefully brushed her thumb against the bandage wrapping her head,
while her eyes moved downwards and towards the sling keeping Lexa's right arm close to her
body and the cast curling around the same hand. Everything else was covered by the hospital
gown and the soft blankets covering Lexa's body. But Clarke knew that the worst was right there
under that gown, she knew that she probably had had surgery to fix her lung, to take out her
spleen, to fix her collarbone. She could see all the tubes and cables sticking out from under the
bedsheets, connected to machines, keeping Lexa alive and Clarke tried to find the right words to
express how she was feeling.

"I'm sorry, Lex." Clarke whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks, "I'm sorry for never giving
you a chance, I'm sorry for how harsh I was with you, for how many times I rejected you, it was
wrong and I'm so sorry I didn't give us a chance." Clarke cried, moving her hand to hold Lexa's.
"I want you to know that you weren't the reason I always said no, something happened before I
met you and I'm still dealing with that, I now know you would have understood if I had just
explained, but I didn't want to talk about it, I still don't," Clarke picked Lexa's hand up, being
extremely careful with the I.V stuck in the back of it and kissing her knuckles gently, "i promise
you that we will go to that date you offered so many times, I promise you Lex we will have a
great night, but for that you need to pull through, okay? You need to get through this so we can
finally give each other a chance. Get better, okay?" Clarke said, her voice breaking as tears soaked
her cheeks. "Please?"

The sound of beeping was the only answer she got, Clarke looked up, her heart breaking at the
sight of Lexa's vitals dropping on the screen. She didn't have time to do or say anything when
doctors crowded the room, forcing Clarke outside as they tried to restart Lexa's heart again.

And Clarke could just stare through the window, watching as they tore Lexa's gown open and
pressed the paddles against her chest, her body convulsing and her back arching off the bed with
each shock, a limp, lifeless hand falling off of the bed, and Lexa was still gone, dead to the world,
fading.

Clarke was pulled away from the window by her mother, who hugged her tight to her chest,
keeping Clarke from looking into Lexa's room and whispering sweet things into her ears.

Abby's eyes never left Lexa, though. She watched, pleading, praying to all the gods she knew to
save the kid on the bed, to keep her alive for just a few more hours, she just needed Lexa to hang
there until the blood came, just until then. That was what Abby kept telling herself, but she didn't
really know if the blood would come at all, and Lexa wouldn't survive without it.

"They got her baby, she's back with us." Abby whispered into her daughter's ear as she saw the
constant spikes replace the flat line, the spikes came too slowly, the spaces in between them were
too big, Lexa was dying.

The sentence only made Clarke cry harder as she clutched her mother close.

Jake moved close to them as soon as he found them, hugging them both to his chest and taking
Clarke in his arms with a look from Abby, who moved her head to the group of doctors standing
outside Lexa's room. Jake nodded and held Clarke close to his chest as Abby moved away.

"I'm sorry Abby, but we haven't been able to stabilize her, we won't be able to without the blood,
she's too weak and she won't resist another cardiac arrest, she only has a couple of hours left. I'm
sorry." The Doctor said, putting his hand on Abby's shoulder. "You should tell the family to say
their goodbyes."

"I'm going to make some more calls first, someone in the near town has to have the blood, I won't
give up until I've done everything I can." Abby said and the doctor gave her a sad look.
"Even if you find the blood, the nearest town is hours away, she doesn't have that long Abby, I'm
sorry." The Doctor said, walking away, Abby sighed and moved to talk to Lexa's family.

...................

Abby was sitting with her daughter in the waiting room, Anya, Raven and Gustus were there with
them and some of Lexa's friends from the soccer team were there as well.

An hour had passed since Lexa last went to cardiac arrest and it was then when detective Kane
entered the room.

"Detective Kane," Abby said, standing up, Anya quickly moving to her side.

"Did you find who did this to my sister?" The young woman asked and the detective gave a court
nod.

"Yes, I did. We found evidence in the Griffin's house, on the second floor, in one of the bedrooms
we found evidence of someone cleaning the room so we didn't find blood traces or finger prints,
but the person who cleaned up didn't look under the bed." Kane said with a grave expression.
"We found a baseball bat, it had the initials B.B carved in the handle, those are not your daughter's
initials."

"No, they aren't." Abby said, and suddenly an idea went off in her head. "Yesterday, when Lexa
woke up she said Bellamy didn't listen. I didn't understood what that meant, but maybe he did
this?"

"Bellamy? No! He's not like that." Clarke said, but the evidence was there, she knew Bellamy
was in the baseball team and she knew he had engraved his initials in his bat.

"But he's in the baseball team and the initials match." Anya said, angry.

"We have already established he is the one who did it," Kane said, "we used the school records at
Arkadia High to find a name who would match the initials we found in the bat, we went to his
house and took him to the station, he didn't fight it, he went with us willingly and confessed hitting
Lexa Woods repeatedly with the bat and with his fists, he said he tried to tell her to leave the
house but she wouldn't listen so he pushed her, she tripped and fell down the stairs."

"But why?" Clarke said, speechless.

"He says he heard you screaming so he grabbed his bat from the car and ran up to your room, he
says he found Lexa holding you forcefully against the bed, you were screaming, trying to push her
off and she didn't listen so he did it by force, we talked to the doctor who examined you and he
confirmed that you were indeed assaulted last night, I need to take you to the station to take your
statement." Kane said.

"But there must be a mistake!" Anya said, her voice panicked, she knew what happened to those
who abused omegas. "Lexa was raised in Trikru, we don't touch omegas, we don't treat them like
that, Lexa would have never forced herself on Clarke, she would cut her dick off before
manhandling Clarke."

"That's not something I can assure Miss Woods." Kane said. "Everything's depends on Clarke's
statement."

"But I don't remember anything about last night!" Clarke shouted, panicked. "I don't remember
anything, I don't remember being assaulted, by Lexa or by anyone else, I don't remember being
there while Lexa was hurt, I don't remember anything!"

Kane frowned, looking at her with an unsure expression.

"You don't remember?" He repeated and Clarke shook her head. Abby rubbed her forehead
thoughtfully and sighed.

"It's not the first time this happens, we must go talk to Indra again, I do not believe Lexa assaulted
Clarke and her physical examination can corroborate that, please, come with me detective." Abby
said, squeezing her daughter's shoulder before leaving.

.............

The clock was ticking by, seconds passed by quickly, Lexa's time was running out.

No one was allowed to go into Lexa's room, not while she her vitals were so unstable, it was an
hospital policy, they didn't want their patient's loved ones to be present in case something went
wrong. So Clarke was stuck outside, grabbing her head with her hands and trying to remember the
night before, she needed to remember but she couldn't, she hit her head angrily and stood up
watching Lexa through the window, her forehead lightly pressed against the glass as she cried.

Her mother suddenly came into the emergency room, a relieved expression on her face.

Anya, Gustus, Raven and Clarke quickly crowded her.

"We got the blood, an helicopter is bringing it here from Polis, it'll be here in an hour." Abby said
with a smile, and they released a collective sigh of relief. Anya was enveloped by Gustus' arms
and Clarke didn't wait to jump into Raven's.

..................

By the next day Lexa's vitals had risen significantly with the help of the transfusion, she was no
longer in danger and she was a lot less pale. She was now allowed to have more than one people
in the room at once so Raven and Clarke were waiting patiently for her to wake up.

"I'm sure she didn't do anything to you, I know Lexa, she's not like that." Raven insisted, her hand
resting lightly on Lexa's thigh.

"I don't think she did anything either, she was always very gentle with me, but Bell has been my
friend for years and he's not usually violent, he must have seen something really bad to do this."
Clarke said, sighing and shaking her head. "I don't know what to think."

Their conversation was interrupted by a soft moan that felt out of Lexa's throat, her brows formed
a slight frown and her lips twitched downwards.

"Lex," Raven whispered softly, caressing the top of Lexa's head with her fingers. "Lex, can you
hear me?"

"Rae..." Lexa answered back weakly, her good eye opening briefly just to close again.
"I...I...don't feel....so...good."

"I imagine that's what happens when you almost get yourself killed." Raven said with a smile.
"Clarke is here to see you."

Lexa's reaction wasn't what they were expecting. She grimaced and clutched her eyes shut,
turning her face into her pillow as wet tracks decorated her cheeks.
"She let him hurt me." Lexa cried, "she didn't do anything." Lexa started sobbing and Raven and
Clarke could see that it was causing her a great amount of pain. "I was just trying to help her."
Lexa sobbed, crying loudly as the monitor besides her bed started beeping, her heart rate getting
out of control.

A nurse stepped inside the room, ushering them both outside as she sedated Lexa, putting her back
to sleep.

..................

When Lexa woke up again Detective Kane was waiting by her bedside, Abby was directly
standing besides her head, looking at Kane with a frown.

"Hey honey, he just wants to ask you a few questions, you don't have to do that right now, he can
wait a few more days until you are better."

"It's fine." Lexa said, her voice groggy and exhausted, she looked at Kane with her good eye and
gave him a small nod.

Kane pulled out his recorder and moved closer to Lexa.

"Two days ago you were found lying unconscious on the floor of the Griffin's house, can you tell
us what happened?"

"Bellamy..." Lexa said tiredly, "he pushed me."

"We found signs that you were in a fight, bruises, broken knuckles, was this fight with Bellamy?"

"I didn't hurt him."

"But Mister Blake hurt you?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't you defend yourself if he assaulted you?"

"He caught me by surprise and I was already hurt when he attacked me...." Lexa paused,
breathing deeply, her sight going in and out of focus, her words coming out more than a little
slurred. "I couldn't stand after the first hit."

"You were attacked before? That same night?"

"Not exactly."

"Would you mind to elaborate?"

Lexa coughed slightly and her face scrunched up into a grimace in clear sign of pain. Abby helped
her drink some water.

............

Lexa was riding her motorcycle on her way to Clarke's house when she noticed the blonde
walking towards her house with a few grocery bags. Lexa smiled at the sight of the blonde,
picking up speed to catch up with her when she saw someone pull Clarke harshly into an alley.
Panic cursed through Lexa's veins as she picked up even more speed, jumping off of her bike and
running inside the alley to find Clarke pressed forcefully against the floor. There were five guys,
four of them were restraining Clarke's limbs, tearing at her clothes while the other one forced his
hand into her pants, his face buried in Clarke's neck as he whispered harshly to her.

............

"I didn't know who they were." Lexa told Kane, "but Clarke was screaming."

...........

"PLEASE STOP, FINN, I BEG YOU, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. FINN STOP!"

Lexa had never been so angry, she ran to the guys and grabbed Finn by the back of his jacket,
throwing him away from Clarke, the four guys let go of Clarke to try and subdue Lexa.

Lexa's nails sharpened into claws, her teeth grew into fangs and her eyes glowed dangerously in
the dark of the night, she punched one guy hard in the face, making him drop like a rock while
intercepting a punch directed at her face, kicking another guy on the chest and pushing him away,
another started choking her from behind and Lexa reached up, the forehand pushing forcefully
against her windpipe cutting her airflow.

"CLARKE RUN, LEAVE!" She screamed, elbowing the guy choking her on the ribs as hard as
she could, but he wouldn't let go, giving his companions the chance to grab her arms and
immobilize her.

She then saw him, the one Clarke had called Finn move in front of her a thick metal pipe in his
hand.

"Clarke is my bitch, and you are gonna pay for taking her away." He growled in her face, his
alpha stench making her stomach ache as he brought the pipe up, hitting her repeatedly on her left
side.

Lexa gasped, the wind knocked out of her, stabbing pains bursting in her abdomen as he
continued to hit her. He paused for a second, laughing at her while pushing his ratty hair out of his
face.

Lexa was panting, low grunts leaving her mouth as her knees shook, her inner wolf growled in
anger, giving her strength, and as soon as Finn came close enough she pulled her girl up and
kicked him hard in the chest, throwing him back.

She butt headed the guy holding her neck, whose hold had loosened when Finn started hitting her,
he heard the crack of his nose as it broke and he pulled back.

She tore the arm of the guy holding her arm with her claws, sinking them deep until he let go and
proceeded to punch the other guy holding her other arm right in the face, he dropped unconscious.

Finn came at her with the pipe and she ducked, punching him in the gut, kneeing him in the balls
and punching him hard in the face until he passed out.

The two remaining guys came at her and she growled, baring her teeth, her eyes glowed
dangerously as she let out wave after wave of her alpha pheromones, the two alphas in front of her
whimpered in fear, lowering their heads and falling to their knees. Lexa didn't stop until they tilted
their heads to the side and exposed their necks at her.

"Near Clarke again and I will end you." She growled, walking towards Finn's body and
delivering a hard kick to his face before going to her bike, jumping on it and riding away,
clutching her side in pain as she looked around for Clarke.
...........

"I told Clarke to leave while I dealt with them, once I was done I went to look for her, I didn't find
her in the streets so I went to look for her at her house." Lexa whispered, her eyes closed in
exhaustion, her head pounding in pain, it felt like someone was hammering nails in her brain.

"You took out five grown alphas on your own?"

"Yes, you know I'm different Detective, no need to sound surprised."

"What happened when you got to the house?"

"The door was open so I assumed Clarke had gotten inside, she had left the keys at the door, I
took the keys, closed the door and went up stairs." Lexa said, her head falling back on her pillow,
her only open eye closing. Abby looked worriedly at the monitor beside the bed.

"Maybe that's enough for today, we can continue with this later, we shouldn't be putting this kind
of strain with her."

"No..." Lexa said weakly, "I'm fine... I want Raven and Clarke... they need to know." Kane
nodded and told the officer by his side to let the girls inside.

Lexa reached for Raven's hand for comfort and looked at Clarke with a pained expression, with
disappointment and sadness.

"What happened when you got to Clarke's room?"

...........

Going up stairs was a painful process for Lexa, her abdomen was hurting and she was getting
really dizzy. She leaned against the wall for a few seconds and breathed deeply, grimacing in pain
and holding her side as her knees buckled, falling to the the ground and pressing her forehead
against the wall in agony.

.............

"Finn must have damaged your spleen, you were already bleeding internally when you got to the
house." Abby said, "the rupture couldn't have been too bad then, if it had you wouldn't have made
it."

"I didn't know what was happening to me, but I knew I had to get up when I heard Clarke
crying."

..........

"Clarke..." Lexa whispered to herself as she forced herself to get up, using the wall for support as
she walked towards Clarke's room.

Clarke was pacing in the middle of the room, talking to herself and holding her head as cries fell
out of her mouth.

"Clarke," Lexa said, walking towards the girl. "It's fine, they won't hurt you."

Lexa didn't get a response so she moved closer to Clarke and put a hand on her shoulder, Clarke
screamed and turned around, landing a punch to Lexa's mouth as she pushed her away.
"DON'T TOUCH ME, LEAVE ME ALONE, GET OFF OF ME. GET OFF OF ME."

"Clarke, its me, Lexa. I won't hurt you." Lexa said, grabbing Clarke's arms to immobilize her and
keep her from hitting her again.

Clarke didn't listen and she kneed Lexa in the gut as hard as she could. Lexa's sight blurred in pain
and she fell forwards, pushing Clarke onto her bed with her on top.

Lexa moaned, her eyes watering in pain, she didn't think she could stand, and Clarke was still
screaming.

"GET OFF OF ME GET OFF OF ME."

.............

Lexa wasn't looking at Clarke as she retold the story, but she could hear her quiet sobs. Lexa felt
disappointed and hurt so she only clutched Raven's hand harder, she was the only true friend she
had.

"Next thing I know is Bellamy, he grabbed me by the back of my shirt and pulled, I stumbled to
my feet and then came his bat, I got to move enough for it to not hit me in the face, but it hit my
shoulder, hard.

............

Lexa was trying to get off of Clarke, but she couldn't, she was dizzy, she felt weak and burning
pain was clouding her senses. The only thing she could clearly feel was Clarke's knee repeatedly
nudging her injured side as her sight continued to blur.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" Bellamy shouted, pulling Lexa to her feet and
pulling his bat up, lowering it with the intention of hitting the girl in the face. Lexa moved right on
time for the bat to hit her shoulder. A cry left Lexa's lips at the sound of her collarbone shattering.

She fell back against the wall and to the floor, Bellamy was on her in a second, kicking her chest
and side repeatedly, not letting Lexa move, or breathe.

He was hitting her so hard. Lexa moved her head to look at Clarke. The blonde was on the floor
close to them, looking at them with wide eyes.

"Clarke, please..." Lexa begged, coughing up blood, "stop him."

"HOW YOU DARE TO EVEN LOOK AT HER?" Bellamy shouted, grabbing Lexa by the
front of her shirt and pulling her up to a semi sting position. Her nose, her eyes, her mouth and her
cheeks, they all met the force of Bellamy's fists.

Lexa could see it, he was furious, enraged, red with anger, she knew he wouldn't listen, and alpha
so lost in his fury never did, but she tried to talk to him anyways.

..............

"I tried to explain, I tried to tell him that I didn't hurt her, that I would never touch her like that, but
he didn't listen and Clarke didn't tell him to stop." Lexa said and a lonely tear fell down her cheek.
"She just watched as Bellamy hit me and didn't say anything." More tears fell out of Lexa's open
eye and she felt her throat close up in pain.

Kane turned to look at Clarke with a somber expression, the blonde had stopped crying a while
before, her face showing an expression of shock and pain as she kept her eyes on Lexa's face,
who refused to look back at her.

"What happened after?"

.....

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" Bellamy screamed, pulling Lexa up by her upper arm and
throwing her against the door, he misjudged the distance and Lexa's face met the hard wood of
Clarke's desk instead, sketches and drawings falling all over the floor as Lexa felt warm blood
soak her cheek.

Lexa tried to crawl outside and used the wall for support to pull herself into a standing position.

"Bell please, listen to me." Lexa swallowed a wad of blood in her mouth and looked at him with
her rapidly fading consciousness. "I didn't hurt her."

Bellamy told her to leave again and when she didn't move he shoved her hard, watching as Lexa
tripped with the rug and fell down the stairs.

...........

"I felt my body hit every single step and then nothing, that's what happened, that's the truth." Lexa
said, falling back against the bed with exhaustion, refusing to look at Clarke, her whole body
aching.

"Thank you Miss Woods, with all the evidence we have collected and your testimony we will be
able to keep Mister Bellamy Blake in lock up until a judge can declare his sentence, he will be
charged with assault." Kane said.

"But he is underage, you can't send him to jail." Clarke said, defending her friend. Her eyes fell on
Lexa's face, the girl looked at her with a pained expression.

Clarke realized then how the whole situation must have been looking to Lexa. Clarke had sat there
watching as Bellamy beat her up and now she was trying to defend him.

"No, but the judge can sent him to a juvenile detention center, the evidence is strong, the bat, Miss
Woods' testimony and his own, Mister Blake admitted to have hurt Miss Woods."

"But he did it thinking that he was protecting me, he found Lexa on top of me and I was
screaming what was he supposed to think? He did what any friend would have done, he doesn't
deserve to be thrown in a JDC." Clarke said strongly, she had grown up with Bell, he had always
protected her and he had gotten in trouble because of it. "He is not a criminal."

"He committed a crime," Kane said, his voice strong, "the assault charges are the least of his
worries, with the gravity of the wounds inflicted on Miss Woods she could very well present
attempted murder charges. I can see that he is a very important person to you Miss Griffin, but that
doesn't erase his mistake, he was impulsive, reckless and violent, he didn't listen when Miss
Woods tried to explain, he attacked her when she couldn't stand, he beat her up when she was
obviously already hurt and a person like that is a danger to the community, his crimes won't go
unpunished." Kane said, "we will also start looking for Finn Collins, he was banished from the
thirteen clans, now that he's back he's violating his banishment, he will be put under a kill order, I
will talk to my superior to provide protection to you Miss Griffin and your family, just in case he
insist on trying to get to you." Kane nodded and left.

Heavy silence settled upon the room and when Clarke looked up she met Raven's glare, disbelief
and fury clouding her brown eyes, Abby was looking at her daughter with a confused expression.

"I think is time you leave, Clarke." Lexa said, expressionless as she stared at the blonde.

"No, Lexa, I didn't mean to..."

"I do not wish to see you Clarke, leave." Lexa said again, grimacing in pain and pressing her head
back against the pillows.

"Clarke." Her mother said when she saw her daughter hadn't moved.

"But mom!"

"You have heard her, now please..." Abby said, moving her gaze towards the door. Clarke looked
at Lexa with watery blue eyes and walked outside.

"I want to thank you for what you did for her, you saved my daughter." Abby said, looking down
at Lexa with soft eyes.

Lexa simply nodded and closed her good eye, tiredness and exhaustion threatening to take her
away.

She felt Raven's hand pulling away from her own and clutched it harder, opening her eye to look
at her best friend.

"Don't leave me." Lexa whispered her eyes filled with water.

"Never." Raven responded, climbing into the bed gently and laying in her side next to her friend,
curling her arm softly and protectively around her friends middle. "I'll always be on your side
Lex," Raven said, kissing her bruised cheek and laying her head next to Lexa's in the pillow,
"sleep."

Lexa turned her head carefully, so her bandaged head pressed against Raven's forehead and with a
heavy heart, she fell asleep.
 Past: Welcome home
Chapter Notes

Like I said last chapter the story will forllow two story lines, Present and Past, last
chapter was present so this one is past. I'm really happy and a little bit surprised with
all of the support this work has gotten in such a short time, I didn't expect it, thank
you very much. I will try to answer all the comments soon.

I'm just gonna leave this note here cause I consider it is important: Octavia didn't give
those pills to Clarke with the intention of drugging her, that medication was in the
Griffin house for a reason and Octavia knew how to use it for a reason. Of course her
cover up attempt was wrong and like you guys pointed out, a crime, but she didn't
need mean anything bad by giving Clarke the meds.

Please keep the comments coming, hope you like the chapter.

Raven knew things were about to change when she saw Anya, of all people, cleaning her house.
She watched silently from her porch as day after day the dirty blonde haired woman brought new
stuff into her house, furniture, a TV, etc... Raven had waned to ask since the first day she noticed
something was happening, but kept herself from intruding in her neighbor's life. She couldn't keep
her curiosity at bay when she saw Anya coming home with not one, and not two, but three
puppies. They didn't come at the same time, one came after the other along the course of two
months.

Raven stood up and walked towards Anya's house, limping and feeling her bad leg ache as she let
herself inside and into Anya's backyard, the woman was opening the cages and letting the pups
outside. The little dogs crowded around Anya as she gave them some love, scratching their heads
and rubbing their backs as they licked her fingers.

"Anya, what the fuck?" Raven said as she sat besides her on the grass, reaching out to pet the
dogs, she had to admit they were cute, and Anya's backyard was big, they'd be happy there.

Anya didn't answer for a while and Raven turned to look at her, the woman was sporting a weird
expression, she looked anxious, nervous, her face was pale and her fingers shook just slightly as
she petted the dogs.

"My sister, she wanted to have a puppy ever since she could say the word dog, she spend a lot of
time with our neighbors, who had a couple of German shepherds as pets. I didn't know which one
to choose, so I brought them all." Anya said, chuckling nervously as she pointed to one of the
pups, a Siberian husky. "I liked that one, we once found a litter of wolves alone in the forest, their
mother nowhere to be found, I thought this one looked quite like a wolf." Anya said, lost in
thought as she scratched behind the puppies ears, she then pointed at the German shepherd puppy.
"That one reminded me of the ones my neighbors had, back then my sister could get on their
backs and the dogs would let her, she loved them." She finally moved her eyes to the last puppy,
the one who was rubbing its paws against Raven's legs. "This one reminded me of the cookies we
would make together." Anya said and Raven could see why, the Australian shepherd puppy had a
blue merle coat, black blotches over a lighter grey and white background, there was also a tan,
reddish color on its face and paws, it kinda reminded Raven of an Oreo cookie or cookie dough, it
was a gorgeous dog. "I thought it was really cute, it's coat was just too gorgeous for me to leave
him behind, he has a kind face too, he looks sweet, I think my sister would like it."

A German shepherd, an Australian shepherd and a Siberian husky, three puppies running around
Anya's backyard.

"I didn't know you had a sister." Raven said with a frown, pulling the Australian shepherd onto
her lap and scratching his tummy. "You have never mentioned her and I have never seen her
around."

"That's because she doesn't live here, she's in a foster home." Anya said.

"What?" Raven said, shocked, looking back at Anya with wide eyes. She knew how it was, she
didn't know where she would be if Sinclair hadn't adopted her when she was 10.

"Our parents died when she was seven and I was fourteen, we were put in foster care and
separated, I was lucky enough to end up with Gustus and he liked me enough to adopt me even if
it's unusual for a fourteen year lo to be adopted. I haven't seen, or heard from Lexa since then, but
I promised myself that someday I would get her back, I went to school, I graduated with honors
from my history major and I have been working ever since to get her back." Anya paused, the
Siberian puppy was licking all over her hand, leaving it completely wet. "She will be brought here
tomorrow afternoon." She said, finally turning to look at Raven, who was looking back at her
with an understanding expression. "I haven't seen her in ten years." Anya's eyes watered and
Raven put a hand on her shoulder.

"Where was she?" Raven asked, wary of the response, she knew the foster system was shit and
that most kids bounced from home to home, living without a proper family, without stability.

"She bounced from home to home over the years, she was in Trikru for while, she spent some
time in Floukru, in Trishana and with the Plain riders too, but she has been in a home north of
Azgeda for the last three years." Anya shook her head, "why Azgeda of all places?"

Raven flinched, she had heard of them and none of it was pretty.

"They gave me custody of her three weeks ago."

"Why hasn't she come yet?"

"She was in the hospital," Anya said, anger and fury clear in her voice. "She wasn't okay," Anya
said, not wanting to give away any details, they were all to painful to talk about, "her foster
parents were monsters and no one would have ever noticed if I hadn't started the process of getting
her back, three weeks ago when they went to pick her up to bring her here she wasn't in the best
condition. The only good thing about all of this was that all the kids under those people's care
were relocated and they are currently rotting in jail."

The only sound was that of the puppies moving around, whining and making soft noises, Raven
didn't know what to say.

"She's been suffering for so long and I've been here having the perfect life." Anya shook her head
and Raven watched the tears roll down her cheeks as she looked away.

"None of what has happened to her is your fault, you can't think like this, just focus on giving her
the life she deserves now that you will have her with you." Raven smiled, looking down at the
pups. "I think this guys will make her really happy."

"I hope so. I got everything I remember she liked then, mint and chocolate chips ice cream, Oreo
cookies, ingredients for tacos and sandwiches. I decorated her room in shades of green and I got
the books she liked when she was a child. I also bought everything I need to make her favorite
burgers, bacon, cheddar and sweet pickles," Anya paused then and turned to look at Raven,
"would you like to join us for dinner tomorrow?" Anya asked and Raven turned to look at her
with slightly widened eyes. "Please Raven, she will need a friend."

"Yeah, sure." Raven said, squeezing Anya's shoulder. "Just tell me when should I come."

"She will be here around 3:00pm so maybe you would come around six?"

"Sure, I'll be here." Raven said, petting the pups one last time and squeezing Anya's shoulder one
more time before leaving.

................

Ever since she finished lunch Raven had been staring out her window, it gave her plain view of
the house in front of hers, Anya's house. Raven had to admit she was nervous for the woman.
Anya who was usually so strong and so sassy, Anya, who had this hard, unbreakable exterior had
been completely vulnerable right in front of her. Raven didn't know what she would do if she
were in her shoes, welcoming back someone she loved, but that she hadn't seen in ten years,
someone who had obviously suffered so much.

The hollow feeling Raven's stomach only deepened when the clock hit 3:15 and a black car
stopped on Anya's drive way, the blonde woman was out in a second, standing unmoving on the
porch, face pale with her eyes locked on the back door of the car. Raven watched from her
window as the door opened and someone stepped outside, a badly beaten up backpack hanging
from one of their shoulders. She was dressed in all black, in old winter boots, in black, worn jeans
and in a worn leather jacket, which wasn't necessary during the summer, she had the hood up so
Raven couldn't see anything beyond her clothing.

Raven watched the driver move to take a single, small suitcase out of the trunk, leaving it besides
Anya's sister before moving to shake Anya's hand, jump into his car and leave.

Raven watched tears fall from Anya's cheeks, she watched her mouth move as she walked slowly
towards her sister, putting her hands on her shoulders and looking at her with a expression that
mixed deep love and sadness before taking her into her arms for a gentle hug.

Anya's sister didn't respond to the embrace for what felt like ages. Anya rubbed her back in small
circles and buried her head in her sister shoulder and the other girl didn't move, not until a very
long time passed, until she finally moved her arms and curled them around Anya's middle,
hugging her weakly.

They stayed like that for long minutes, simply hugging and doing nothing else, until Anya's sister
stepped back. Anya wiped away her tears and picked up the suitcase, walking inside the house
with her sister in toe.

Raven let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and moved to her bed, picking up her
computer and clicking play on a movie, there was still plenty of time before dinner.

A couple of hours later Raven was ringing the bell to Anya's house, she hadn't moved her finger
away from the bell when the door opened. Anya was right there, her expression off.

"How did it go?" Raven asked quietly, Anya shook her head, her eyes getting soaked in seconds
as she let herself fall in Raven's arms. Raven sighed, rubbing her back.

"She's not my sister." Anya said, her expression off.

"It's okay, I'm sure some part of her is the little girl you knew, you just have to wait, give her time
to settle, alright?" Anya nodded, wiping her tears away and letting Raven inside.

Raven breathed in and frowned, she could barely pick up the girl's scent, it was deliciously earthy,
like the smell that clung to the ground after it rained, it had a tang of sweetness too, like spring
flowers, and the smooth smell of leather accompanied it all. Raven could tell she was an Alpha,
but she didn't understand why the whole house wasn't stinking already, most alphas pumped their
scent all over the place to mark it as their own, to prove their dominance, it was obvious that
Anya's sister hadn't done such a thing, letting Raven pick up only traces of her scent while Anya's
beta scent remained more powerful in the house.

"Where is she?" Raven asked, curiosity getting the best of her as she looked around, the girl's
leather jacket and sweater were laying casually on the living room sofa, but Anya's sister wasn't
there.

"Out in the backyard," Anya smiled a little, "with the pups, she was happier to see them than to
see me." She chuckled walking with Raven towards the backdoor's threshold and standing there
as they watched Anya's sister laying in the grass, the puppies were all over her, and the girl was
seemingly happy with letting them lick all over her face, she was petting all three of them with her
hands, pulling them closer when they tried to run away.

Raven smiled at the scene, it seemed like getting the puppies was the best thing Anya could have
ever done.

"Hey Lex!" Anya called and her sister stilled where she was, "dinner is ready, come here!"

Raven watched the girl stand and she could finally see her face. Gorgeous green eyes, tan skin,
chestnut hair kept out of her face in braids. She was in only a shirt now, letting Raven see the lines
of muscle in her arms and the scars that had left lighter marks along her skin, her face also sported
fading bruises. She was a beautiful girl, Raven could tell as much, the blankness of her eyes just
darkened her whole persona.

Anya's sister walked towards them, the puppies walking and jumping around her feet as they
followed her towards the house. Right then, Raven watched some light shine in her eyes as
Anya's sister looked down at the puppies, the corner of her lips tilting up at the sight of them.

Eventually, Anya's sister came to stand in front of them, her eyes emotionless as she moved her
gaze from Anya to Raven.

"Lexa, this is Raven, she lives right across the street, I though she could have dinner with us,
maybe take you for a walk around the neighborhood after?" Anya said and Lexa nodded, Raven
watched her nostrils flare slightly and knew the girl was taking in her scent, there was no other
reaction.

"Sure," Raven said, a bit worried about her leg, "nice to meet you, Lexa." Raven said, offering
her hand.

After a few seconds Lexa took it, giving it the gentlest of all shakes as she bowed her head
slightly, tilting her head to the side to expose her neck in a sign of submission.

Raven jaw almost drops to the ground in shock, an alpha submitting to an omega just like that was
completely unheard of, alphas would usually die before submitting to another, much less to an
omega.

"Likewise." Lexa said, giving Raven's hand a soft squeeze before letting go.
They sat to eat in silence, the only sound was that of the puppies running around the hardwood
floors of the house.

Raven watched from her place in front of Lexa as the girl looked down at her plate blankly, not
touching it.

"What's wrong, Lex?" Anya asked, looking at her sister with a worried expression. "You don't
like it? I can make you something else." Anya said, incapable of hiding the pain in her eyes, this
used to be her sister's favorite burgers, the ones their mother used to make.

"No, that's not necessary, I just didn't know I could begin." Lexa said, avoiding Anya's gaze.

"Of course you can, you can do whatever you want, Lex." Anya said, but her sister didn't move,
she didn't seem to believe what Anya was telling her.

Raven looked at the both of them, at Lexa who was still staring at her plate without moving and
then at Anya, who had a mix of emotions in her eyes Raven couldn't begin to explain. Raven
sighed and took matters into her own hands, picking up her burger and taking a huge bite out of it,
moaning at the taste. Lexa looked up at the sound with alarmed eyes, looking from Anya to
Raven, looking like she expected Raven to get scolded for biting her burger.

Raven looked at the girl, her heart clenching a little, Lexa was obviously feeling completely lost in
her new environment. She looked from Anya to Raven, waiting for something bad to happen,
unable to realize that everything was okay, so Raven picked up her burger again and took another
huge bite, moaning at the taste again and feeling some of the sauce drip down her chin, she
swallowed and chuckled, grabbing a napkin and cleaning up her chin with a light smile.

"Oh shit, sorry, I'm sure that looked totally gross." Raven said, having a sip of her soda as Anya
just smiled at her.

"Don't apologize, you've always eaten like a savage," Anya said, picking up her own burger and
biting on it.

Anya's response seemed to do the trick and some of the tension left Lexa's shoulders, Raven
watched as she took a deep breath and let it out slowly, opting to take a sip of her soda before
picking up her burger and delicately biting on it, eating like a proper young lady.

Raven watched her face flood with emotion at the taste, as Lexa looked at Anya with softening
eyes, looking down at her food like it was the most wonderful thing she had ever tasted.

They finished dinner in relative peace, Anya an Raven chatting lightly about Anya's work and
Raven's classes while Lexa simply listened, relaxing once she noticed no one would make her
talk.

Once they were finished they moved to the living room, Raven watched Lexa settle on the floor
with the puppies and sat down in the love seat nearest to them. Anya came a few minutes later
with three bowls of ice cream, offering one to Lexa, who looked up at her with surprise.

"I hope it's still your favorite." Anya said, smiling down at her sister and sitting on the floor as
well, at respectable distance from Lexa.

Raven watched Lexa look down at her bowl with big green eyes, there were at least three balls of
mint and chocolate chip ice cream accompanied with three or four Oreo cookies and chocolate
sauce.
"I remembered you didn't like much the cream inside the Oreo cookies so I took it out, or do you
like it now?" Anya asked.

Lexa just shook her head, still looking down at the bowl in her hands.

"You don't like the cream inside the Oreos?" Raven almost screeched, putting a spoonful of ice
cream inside her mouth and looking at Lexa with an arched eyebrow. "Girl, you are weird as
fuck." Raven said and Lexa smiled at her blunt expression, scooping some ice cream inside her
mouth with her spoon and trying to keep the puppies from sticking their heads inside the bowl.

Lexa finished her ice cream slowly, her eyes moving from one puppy to the next with fondness,
the Aussie puppy was quick to settle on her lap, while the husky spent its time chewing on Lexa's
boot and the German shepherd, tried to get its attention by pushing it and trying to bite its ears.
Raven could see that Lexa loved them already and that they were the only thing that were really
making her feel at ease.

"How about we take that walk?" Raven said, standing up and looking down at Lexa with an easy
smile, Lexa looked up at her and then back down at the dogs. "Come on, they'll be fine with Anya
for a few minutes."

Lexa petted the dogs with her hands and kissed their heads before standing up and following
Raven outside, grabbing her jacket to protect herself from the chill of the summer nights.

They left the house in silence as they walked around the neighborhood, Raven pointed to her
house, to the pharmacy, to a café, a burger place, a pizza place and finally at the park, but besides
that she didn't say much else and she didn't try to engage Lexa in conversation.

They then started walking along the park, Raven noticed Lexa's shoulders relax more and more as
they walked, there wasn't many people outside, it was already dark and their path was only
illuminated by the moon and the park's lights.

Raven walked towards the empty swing set as soon as she could, her leg aching as she sat down,
Lexa sat silently next to her, pushing herself back and forth lightly with her legs.

"You are in pain." Lexa said, and Raven knew it wasn't a question.

"Yes," she said anyways, her hands fiddling with the straps of her brace.

"You didn't have to do this, I could have explored on my own." Lexa said.

"My leg would hurt anyways." Raven answered, "don't feel so special, you have nothing to do
with my pain." Raven smirked, turning to look at Lexa and finding the girl's eyes on her. Lexa
didn't say anything else.

Raven arched her eyebrow and looked at Lexa with amusement.

"Don't you want to know what happened?"

"I do, but I won't die if I never find out, I wouldn't ask anyways."

"Why not?"

"Asking questions is just giving someone the green light to ask them to you." Lexa said and
Raven frowned.

"I wouldn't expect you to tell me anything just because I tell you something." Raven said and
Lexa gave her a look.

"That's a lie."

"It doesn't have to be, I'm willing to wait until you are comfortable with sharing." Raven said.

"What if that never happens?"

"Nothing." Raven said, shrugging and giving Lexa a nod.

"What happened to your leg?"

"My friends and I were in a party near Skaikru's border with Azgeda and Trikru, you know that
Skaikru land used to be Trikru land so we have borders with them both. There's a lot of people
from all three in that part of town, a gang fight broke out, shots started going off and a stray bullet
caught me in the back, it moved to my spine and caused nerve damage on my left lower leg."
Raven said and Lexa only hummed in response.

"Bullet, not fun." She said as if she knew how it felt, Raven turned to look at her and Lexa turned
her body more towards her, pushing her jacket back and pulling down the sleeve of her shirt to
expose her shoulder, Raven watched a small circle of scar tissue on her right shoulder, her eyes
widened, figuring out that Lexa had been shot once. "I didn't have it stuck in me like you did, but i
remember how much it hurt, mine was though and through and nothing was compromised, I have
the scar of a grace in my left upper arm and in my left thigh."

"You were shot three times?!" Raven said, not quite an affirmation, not quite a question. Lexa
shrugged.

"Azgeda is a mess, there are gangs everywhere, bandits, nomads, you never know which are
worse. None of them were life threatening injuries, so I guess it's fine, I was lucky." Lexa said and
Raven nodded in agreement, not many could say they had been shot so many times and lived to
tell the tale.

"Yeah," Raven said, rubbing her leg, "you were. Maybe we should go back." She said, standing
up with a slight grimace. Lexa moved to stand in front of her and crouched. "What are you
doing?"

"Get on, I'll give you a ride." Lexa said, not moving, waiting for Raven to get on her back.

"What?"

"You are in pain Raven, no need to make that worse, get on, you are not walking back there."
Lexa said and she didn't move until she felt Raven settle on her back and grip her shoulders. Lexa
put her hands under her thighs to support her and started walking back slowly, with no rush.

Fifteen minutes later they were standing in front of Raven's house, Lexa lowered her gently to the
ground and stepped back, giving the omega her space.

"Goodnight, Raven."

"Goodnight, Lexa."

.................

Next morning Raven was rudely woken up by Anya, who pulled the blankets harshly off of
Raven.
"What the fuck!" Raven said, frowning at Anya, she was only in her underwear.

Anya looked at her, unimpressed, and threw Raven a shirt.

"I need to do some errands, could you please take Lexa out for breakfast and then shopping, she
needs clothes and the dogs need stuff." Anya threw Raven a credit card. "She won't want to spend
my money on anything, so, do it for her if you have to."

"Anya, I want to be her friend, I really do, but this imposing won't work, she's a big girl she
doesn't need a babysitter."

Anya sat on Raven's bed and looked at her dead in the eye.

"She woke up screaming, the pups were sleeping with her on the bed and helped her calm down,
but she doesn't want to talk to me, she hasn't spoken a word ever since, so no, I do not feel good
leaving her alone in a strange place all by herself, will you do this for me or should I just call in
sick?" Anya said and Raven sighed, taking the credit card and standing up to go shower.

Half an hour later Raven was walking inside Anya's house and going down and into the
basement, Lexa's room.

The lights were off, except for a single lamp placed on one of the night tables, Raven could see
Lexa's body, but she wasn't moving, the three little figures that were her dogs were near her head,
licking her face. The Aussie puppy had settled and cuddled against Lexa's back.

Raven moved to sit besides Lexa on the king sized bed, both the husky and German shepherd
puppies were wiggling their tails, happy with Lexa's petting.

"Why don't you take a shower so we can go out and have some breakfast?" Raven said, looking
at Lexa as she scratched behind the ears of the husky puppy.

"You don't have to be here, I know Anya told you to come, but you don't have to stay." Lexa
said.

"If I didn't want to be here I wouldn't be." Raven said, truthfully. Lexa looked at her with a blank
expression. "I'm not here just because Anya told me to, if I didn't want to be here I would have
said no and that's it, I just figured it would be better and less boring to hang out with you than to
stay at home doing nothing."

"Don't you have any friends?" Lexa asked, arching her eyebrow as she felt the German shepherd
start biting and pulling off one of her socks.

"I do, but things are complicated right now, can we just go?" Raven said, avoiding Lexa's eyes.
The girl nodded and stood up, going to her bathroom, Raven took the liberty of getting
comfortable on her bed, the puppies instantly came to look for attention.

"You really shouldn't let them sleep on your bed."

"Why not?" Lexa asked, shouting from the bathroom.

"Well, they could pee on it."

"So? It's just pee I can change the sheets." Lexa said, "I tried to put some blankets and pillows on
the floor for them to sleep on, but they just kept making noise until I put them on the bed with
me."
"Aww," Raven cooed, her hands tangled in the aussie's hair, "they are amazing."

"They are, i always wanted a dog." Lexa said and Raven smiled, she already knew.

"Have you named them yet?"

"No, don't know what names would fit best." Lexa said and Raven hummed.

A few minutes later Lexa came out of the bathroom, freshly changed and with her hair dripping
wet, soaking a bit of her shirt.

They moved the puppies to the backyard, leaving them plenty of food and water.

"I don't think it's a good idea to leave them here alone." Lexa said, kneeling in front of the puppies
while the German shepherd licked her fingers.

"Then let's go, the sooner we go, the sooner we will be back." Raven said, walking out of Anya's
house and towards her own with Lexa silently walking behind her. "Can you drive?" Raven
asked Lexa, who gave her a brief nod. "Good." She responded pressing a button on her control to
open the garage door, a Chevrolet Camaro was waiting for them on the other side. Raven pushed
the keys into Lexa's hands and got into the passenger side of the car, Lexa came to sit besides her
a few minutes later.

"Is this yours?" Lexa said, looking inside the interior with slightly wide eyes.

"Yeah, the son of one of my father's clients trashed it, my father offered to fix it, but they said it
was a waste of money, my father offered to buy it then, but the man just laughed and asked my
dad to go car shopping with his son. Dad and I fixed it, got all the papers to put the car under my
name and gave it to me in my fifteenth birthday. I had a weird obsession with transformers back
then, that's why he looks like bumblebee, you know, yellow and black." Raven explained, Lexa
nodded.

"Let's hope that guy trashes another car soon." Lexa said, starting the car, Raven couldn't help but
let out a laugh.

She gave Lexa directions to take them to a small café so they could have some breakfast, the
Trikru girl was a really good driver with a slight tendency to go faster than necessary, Raven
noticed.

..........

Meanwhile Clarke, Bellamy and Octavia were leaving an art shop. Clarke had asked Bellamy for
a ride and Octavia had tagged along, they were just leaving the shop when they saw a yellow and
black Chevrolet Camaro pass by, Clarke stopped in her tracks, watching the car stop at the corner
of the street, on Raven's favorite coffee shop.

"Is that Raven?!" Clarke asked, worried and surprised, "she shouldn't be driving, how the hell is
she driving?"

"Relax princess," Octavia said, "I'm sure Raven is not the only person with a Camaro here."

"Octavia seriously, how many people get their Camaro to look like bumblebee?" Clarke said with
a huff and Octavia put her hands up in a sign of peace while Bellamy chuckled. "Besides, the
plate is the same." Clarke was ready to go give Raven a piece of her mind when she saw someone
get out from the driver's side of the car, someone that definitely wasn't Raven.
Octavia whistled lowly, the girl that came out of the car was wearing a grey shirt that left her arms
exposed, letting them see the defined muscles on her arms, she had exceptionally long legs and a
round ass to kill for. The hood of her shirt was up so they couldn't see her face, but they watched
as she lightly jogged around the car to open the passenger's side door, offering a hand to Raven
and helping her out of the car, letting her walk in front of her as they walked inside the coffee
shop.

"Well, guess Raven wasn't driving after all." Octavia said, starting to walk away and stopping
when she noticed that Clarke wasn't moving.

"She hasn't talked to us or hung out with us in so long and now she's just out like that with a
stranger?" Clarke said, feeling a little hurt.

"Maybe this is what she needed," Bellamy said, "a little space."

Clarke only hummed and followed her friends back to Bellamy's car with a small frown on her
face.

.........

"So," Raven said, "what do you want?"

"I'm ok, not hungry." Lexa said shortly, looking around the café with a expressionless face, taking
in the scents around her. The café was mostly empty, there were only a few betas, three alphas
and one omega.

"Okay, guess I'll order for you then." Raven said with a smile.

"What? No, Raven..." Lexa tried to say but was interrupted by the waitress, who had come to take
their order.

"Raven! Hello! I haven't seen you in so long, how have you been?"

"Good Harper, thank you, what about you?"

"All good girl, I'll take it you will have the usual?"

"Yeah, just make it two and double the bacon, my friend here has quite the stomach," Raven said
with a smile pointing at Lexa with her thumb.

"Oh! Hi! How rude of me, I'm Harper, friend of Raven's." The young woman said, offering Lexa
her hand.

"Lexa." The Trikru girl responded shortly, giving Harper's hand a brief shake before letting it go.
Harper gave her a smile before leaving.

"I hope you like what I ordered." Raven said, turning to look at Lexa, who was putting down the
hood of her shirt, looking back at Raven with her dazzling green eyes.

"It's fine, I'm okay with everything." Lexa said.

"Apparently you are not okay with the white stuff inside the oreos." Raven said with a chuckle
and Lexa's lips tilted up in a barely there smile.

"I believe it completely ruins them, better take it out." Lexa said. Raven looked at her like she was
crazy, but smiled.
Their food came and again Lexa didn't touch any of it until Raven did and even then she ate
hesitantly, even if the plate in front of her was obviously hers. Raven could see she was enjoying
it though, when she got more comfortable she could see how Lexa completely soaked her
pancakes with syrup, making it look like she was eating syrup with pancake instead of pancakes
with syrup, she watched Lexa enjoy everything like she hadn't eaten anything like it in her life.

Raven didn't think she had ever seen anyone enjoy food so much, much less Lexa, who most of
the time kept her mask so well placed, only letting it down when she was like this with Raven,
when they were silent, when they were alone together.

Once they got back in the car there was only one thought in Raven's head.

Lexa loved hot chocolate with marshmallows.

..............

They went to the pet store first. They walked around for half an hour and their cart was still
empty, Lexa's eyes jumped from one thing to the next but she didn't pick anything up, Raven was
ready to punch her.

"I swear I don't mind aimlessly walking with my bad leg, no, of course not, but I swear Lexa that
if you don't start filling this cart I'm gonna punch you." Raven said, rubbing one of her temples,
Lexa turned to look at her and nodded.

"I think it's better if we leave." Lexa said, letting go of the cart and turning to walk away. Raven
rushed to pull her back by her wrist.

"Wait wait wait, where are you going? We haven't gotten anything for the pups yet."

"I don't think we should, everything is too expensive, I'll get a job and then I'll get what they need,
maybe in a month or so I'll..."

Raven heard Lexa speak and sighed, the Trikru girl was totally out of her element, she wasn't used
to be given anything, Raven could see that.

"Anya is paying for it, you don't have to worry about that."

"This is not right, I won't do it." Lexa said stubbornly, "I'll just get a job, I'll find something."

"Look," Raven said, holding back the urge to smooth the worry lines on Lexa's face with her
hands, "you can do whatever you want, but Anya needs you to do this, she feels like shit because
she didn't get to bring you back sooner, she wants to give you a good life, the best life she can
offer, she wouldn't want you to be worrying about money, or about anything, maybe you don't
feel comfortable with this, but you must do it for her."

Lexa didn't look convinced at all, but nodded, and they walked towards the beds and bedding
section of the store, Raven saw that Lexa was about to pick up the cheaper ones and grabbed her
arms.

"I know you don't want to spend your sister's money, but you have to be intelligent about this, one
of your dogs is a German shepherd, the other is a husky and the other is an Australian shepherd,
they all will grow to be big, if you get this ones they will outgrow them and you will have to buy
the beds again." Raven said, looking at Lexa with serious eyes.

"Maybe by then I'll have a job and I'll be able to buy them myself." Lexa said and Raven sighed.
"So you are willing to consciously buy something that in three months you will have to throw
away? They are dogs Lexa, they grow fast, don't be stubborn and get the big ones." Raven said
and she knew that Lexa wasn't stupid, she knew that Lexa already knew she was right, but she
could also see the conflict playing in Lexa's head.

"But those are so..."

Raven grabbed the sides of Lexa's face and forced her to look into her eyes.

"You will stop thinking about money right now and you will get your dogs whatever the hell you
want and if you make me repeat this again I swear it Lexa I will buy everything myself and you
will have to live with whatever I choose and believe me I would buy everything in pink and pastel
colors just to bother you." Raven watched Lexa grimace and smirked. "Now, let's keep going."

They were out of the store an hour later, with everything the pups needed, including some toys,
their beds, their collars, leashes and harnesses, feeding supplies, cleaning and health care supplies
and a massive bag of dog food that Lexa was currently carrying over her shoulder. Raven was
sure no girl her age should be able to carry a bag like that, not even those who were in shape, it
was way too big and heavy, Lexa was carrying it without breaking a sweat, though.

"You sure you don't need some help with that." Raven said as she pushed the cart towards their
car to put everything inside.

Lexa simply shook her head no and put everything inside the car, thanking but denying Raven's
help.

"Where do we go now? Back to the house?" Lexa asked, starting the car.

"No, you need some clothes, lets go to the mall, we can get your clothes have lunch later and then
a movie, my treat."

"I have plenty of clothes." Lexa said.

"This is not Azgeda Lexa, you can't walk around here with those clothes, you will suffocate and
die of a heat stroke, specially now in the summer." Raven said and Lexa knew she was right,
Lexa sighed and nodded, driving there under Raven's directions.

Lexa was in the middle of changing into some of the clothes Raven had chosen for her when
suddenly Raven barged into the changing room, pressing Lexa against the wall and pressing her
hand against her mouth. Lexa arched her eyebrow in question.

"My friends are here and I don't want to talk to them or to see them right now." Raven said and
Lexa nodded, taking Raven's hand away from her mouth.

Raven finally noticed that Lexa was standing right there in only her underwear and stepped away
from her personal space, getting a perfect view of the scars covering her whole body. Raven did
everything she could to mask her expression, but it was quite obvious to Lexa what she was
staring at. Raven noticed that some bruises on Lexa's abdomen hadn't quite faded, her fingers
unconsciously tracing them, she pulled her hand back as soon as she noticed and looked up at
Lexa with a smile.

"Damn girl!" Raven said, trying to fix the situation somehow, "you sure work out a lot, don't
you?"

Lexa sighed, deeply thankful for Raven's lack of comment on her scars. Raven saw the relief in
her eyes and nodded in understanding.
"I do, it helps me calm down, keeps me from losing control." Lexa said.

"Hey, this changing room is been occupied for ages now, you done yet?" A voice came from
outside and Raven's eyes widened.

"That's my friend Octavia!" Raven hushed, "get her to go away."

"I'm not done here yet, too many clothes to try on." Lexa said in a monotone tone.

"Rush it, please, I've been waiting for ages now." Octavia said and Raven rolled her eyes at her
exaggerated response.

"Chill, O." Someone said, and Raven recognized Clarke's voice, "just wait until I'm out."

"No, Clarke, I swear she's had been in there for so long, if you aren't out in five seconds I swear
I'll go in there with you!" Octavia said and Raven's eyes widened.

"She's coming in!" Raven's widened. Lexa's face remained neutral.

"Take off your clothes." Lexa said and Raven's eyes widened when she realized her plan,
undressing quickly and taking off her brace, covering it with the bunch of clothes strewn in the
floor.

"You are a genius." Raven said, freeing her hair from her pony tail and standing in front of Lexa
in only her underwear. "Keep one of your hands here." Raven said, directing Lexa's hand to the
scar on her back."

"Oh and now you aren't answering!" Octavia said, her voice louder, "you know what? I'm
coming in."

"O! Don't do that!" Clarke shouted from the stall besides theirs, but Octavia was already pushing
the curtain to the side.

Raven was already holding the back of Lexa's neck and pulling her into a hard kiss, her face
obscured in both sides by her hair.

"Oh shit!" Octavia said, her eyes big as sources as she watched both girls, in their underwear,
hotly kissing right in front of her. She froze in shock and watched as the girl who was giving her
her back pulled the arm of her companion down, so the other girl's hand was gripping her butt.

Soon Lexa understood what Raven was doing and groped her butt hard with one hand, feeling
Raven let out a moan into their kiss.

"Octavia, what- Fuck!" Clarke said, watching the too girls intertwined together, moaning as they
touched each other, their lips only separating so the girl pressed against the wall could suck, bite
and kiss her companions neck, later coming back to her lips and squeezing her butt cheeks
sensually with her hands, going as far as slipping a hand under her underwear.

Clarke went back to her senses when she heard a small cry of pleasure, snapping the curtain
closed and blinking her eyes rapidly.

"O! What the fuck?! Why the hell would you do that?!" Clarke said

"They were the ones fucking in the changing room, not me!" Octavia screeched. Raven chuckled
to herself, she could almost see Clarke rolling her eyes. "Let's get the fuck out of here!" Octavia
sounded scandalized and as soon as their steps faded away Raven burst out laughing, throwing
her head back, her eyes watery as she went red faced with laughter.

The reaction only made Lexa laugh lightly as well as she watched Raven.

"That was priceless, I wish I could've seen their faces! It's been so long since I had so much fun."
Raven said, looking up at Lexa with amused eyes, "you are pretty good kisser too, so, not a bad
day." Raven said, punching Lexa's shoulder lightly and reaching down to pull up her pants and
throw on her shirt. She then dug out her brace from under the pile of clothes and started putting it
on.

"Let me help you." Lexa said, kneeling before Raven and gently putting the brace on, securing the
straps and making sure it was correctly placed before looking up at Raven, who was shocked,
frozen at the sight of an alpha kneeling in front an omega, no Alpha would ever do something like
that, something people considered so degrading. "Dose it feel right?" Lexa asked and Raven went
back to her senses.

"A bit loose." She said and Lexa nodded, tightening it.

"Better?"

"Perfect." Raven said. "I'll be outside, I expect you to model everything for me." Lexa sighed and
nodded, going back to trying the clothes.

When she was done and finished paying for everything she turned around and didn't find Raven,
she walked out of the many stores they had visited and found the girl sitting outside with a bag.

"Hey, I thought you had left." Lexa said and Raven smiled at her.

"You thought I'd abandon you here? Who do you think I am?" Raven said, trying to look
scandalized and watching Lexa shuffle from foot to foot.

"I just thought that maybe you had gotten bored or something, you really don't have to be here
Raven, it's fine."

"I want to be here," Raven smiled, "this is the most entertaining day I've had in a while." She
pulled a brown leather jacket out of the bag she had and held it out to Lexa. "Welcome home
Lex!" Raven said with a smile and Lexa's eyes widened slightly.

"Raven, you shouldn't have, you didn't have to get me anything." Lexa said, putting her bags on
the ground and taking the jacket when Raven looked at her with an unimpressed expression.

"Don't be an ass and say thank you Lex," Raven said, Lexa looked up at her with a small smile
and nodded.

"Thank you, Raven."

"You are welcome Lex, now, lets get some food, I'm hungry."

..........

They ended up taking the pizza home, Lexa didn't want to leave the pups alone longer than
necessary.

Raven dropped on Lexa's bed as soon as they were back, relieved to get off of her feet.

"Are you in pain?" Lexa asked from her place on the ground, where she was setting the puppies
beds with the dogs all around her.

"A little, could you get me a glass of water?"

Lexa nodded and left the room, coming back a while later with the water and giving it to Raven,
who was quick to dawn it quickly with a few painkillers.

Raven decided on a movie marathon for the rest of the afternoon, so they settled on the bed
together watching on Lexa's tv the movies Raven had chosen.

Lexa watched as Raven dozed off, the painkillers making her a bit drowsy as she slipped between
dreamland and consciousness. The Trikru girl settled on the floor with the pups as she played with
them.

That's how Anya found them when she got back home, Raven asleep in Lexa's bed and Lexa
asleep on the floor, the Aussie puppy curled up close to her stomach while the other two played
with each other.

Anya kneeled next to her sister, shaking her awake gently.

"Go to bed little wolf," Anya whispered soothingly, helping Lexa stand and laying her down on
the bed besides Raven and taking off her shoes and pants, doing the same for the other girl and
moving to leave the room when she heard one of the dogs whining.

The Aussie wanted to get on the bed, Anya shrugged and picked up the puppy, petting its head
and putting it on the bed, where he quickly moved to curl into Lexa's side.

......

Raven was woken up by the sound of the dogs making noise, she groaned to herself and turned to
tell them to shut up, when she noticed the harsh sound of Lexa's breathing, the girl was talking
quietly in her sleep, words Raven couldn't understand. She was crying, her face covered in tears
and cold sweat as she started trashing on the bed.

"Hey Lex, it's fine, it's a dream, you are okay." Raven whispered, brushing away the tears in her
cheek with her thumbs, shaking Lexa awake gently and then pulling her into her arms when the
girl woke up with a start.

"It's okay, it's me, Raven, you are okay, you are with me in Anya's house, in your home and we
are okay." Raven whispered as Lexa fought her hold, eventually stopping and slumping in
Raven's arms.

They were lying on their sides, with Raven holding Lexa close and rubbing her back, whispering
soft nothings in her ear until Lexa's breathing was back under control.

"It's fine, whatever that was, it's over now." Raven said, loosening her hold and feeling Lexa
clutch her shirt.

"Don't leave me." Lexa whispered, her voice unusually drowning with feeling as she kept Raven
close.

And that day, in the middle of the night, after having barely 24 hours of knowing each other,
Raven made a decision.

"Never."
 Present: The things I did wrong
Chapter Notes

Please keep commenting, I love to hear your thoughts on the story. I'll try to answer
all the comments you have sent in before the next chapter.

So, KEEP COMMENTING!

Also, if you want sent me ideas for the dogs' names :)

Present.

Raven looked at Lexa's unconscious form with deep pain in her eyes, she moved her hand to
caress her bruised cheek with just the tips of her fingers, avoiding the line of stitches that tied
together the skin covering her cheekbone, right under her eye, the area was so swollen, so bruised,
it made Raven's heart ache. She pressed a kiss to the bandage covering Lexa's forehead and
whispered in her ear, promising to be back soon and to take care of the dogs.

Raven left Lexa's hospital room, the anger and fury rushing up to her head as soon as her eyes
settled on Clarke.

The blonde knew she was in trouble when she watched Raven walking towards her, the brunette
was fuming, her eyes hard with anger.

"How dare you!" Raven shouted, "she almost gets killed because of you, she got beaten up to
pieces because you, doctors spent hours just trying to keep her alive, she died right in front of my
eyes and I had to watch as they shocked her over and over again because of you and the only
thing you are able to do is defend the asshole who did it, right in front of her, when she can barely
breathe, or move, or stay conscious for more than a couple of minutes!" It took al of Raven's self
control to not slap Clarke right across the face, she couldn't get kicked out of the hospital. "You
defended him, right in front of her, right after she had told us how he had beaten her up with a
fucking bat, how he had kicked her and punched her and thrown her around like a doll, when she
was obviously already hurt and you only defended him, what kind of fucked up person are you?
How can you be so ungrateful to the girl who had done nothing but treat you with kindness, who
most likely got hurt trying to keep you from getting raped."

"We don't know that." Clarke said, she was confused, everyone was saying different things and
she didn't know what to believe.

"Kane mentioned him Clarke, Finn Collins, why do you think he came? To have some tea and
cookies? To take you out on a picnic? It's not a casualty that you got assaulted and that Lexa got
hurt, you know that and all you did was defend Bellamy, while Lexa was right there, you couldn't
have waited till you were outside?" Raven said, looking at Clarke with anger, the blonde girl was
in tears, curled up in a hospital chair and covering her face with her hands.

"I don't know what's happening Raven, none of this makes any sense, I don't understand." Clarke
cried into her hands. "First they tell me that Lexa fell, then that she was pinning me to my bed,
then that Bellamy hurt her and now that Finn is back." Clarke shook her head, looking up at
Raven, her eyes rimmed in red. "I cant deal with all of this, I'm so confused."
"I'm sorry Clarke," Raven said, "but I can't support you right now, not when my best friend
almost dies because of you, not when you defended so strongly the person who hurt her, not when
you took part in hurting her."

"It was not my fault!" Clarke shouted, standing up harshly, "you know how I get when I'm like
that, I can't be touched! It sets me off! I didn't even know it was her, I can't even remember
anything."

"So what?!" Raven shouted, her hands curling into fists, "it was Lexa's fault then? It was her fault
for trying to calm you down when you were crying, when you had just being assaulted, is it her
fault that you never told her how to handle that situation, its her fault you always pushed her back,
you never opened to her, its her fault you always kept her at arms length just because of who she
is, just because she's an alpha, something she can't even control?! Is it her fault then, Clarke?!"
Raven shouted, her eyes full of angry tears, she looked down at Clarke with disgust. "Go fuck
yourself, Clarke." Raven said, turning to walk away.

"No, Raven wait!" Clarke said, desperate, "where are you going?"

"To talk to Kane, I know who tried to cover up what Bellamy did."

...........

Hours later Detective Kane along with a few police officers were standing out side the Blake
household.

Octavia was inside, trying to console her mother, who had been inconsolable since Bellamy had
been taken away. She stood up when she heard the bell, her eyes widening when she saw the
detective.

Aurora Blake went to the door when she noticed her daughter was taking too long to come back.

"Detective Blake!" She said with desperation, "are you here to bring my boy back, did you find
evidence to prove his innocence, I'm sure he didn't hurt that girl Detective, he's a good boy." The
woman said crying.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Blake, that's not why we are here, we have a witness that claims to have seen your
daughter watch her brother throw Miss Woods down the stairs of the Griffin household, your
daughter told your son to leave, and we suspect she's the one who cleaned up the crime scene, we
are charging her with obstruction of justice." Detective Kane said, watching as the woman fell
apart with sad eyes. Aurora turned to look at Octavia with wide disappointed eyes. "Officer,
please." Kane said and a man by his side moved to handcuff Octavia.

"You have a right to remain silent, everything you say can be used against you in a court of law,
the government will provide you with a state attorney in case you are unable to afford one." The
officer said, pushing Octavia towards the police car.

"I'm sorry, mom! I'm sorry! I had to protect him, mom, I'm sorry!" Octavia shouted, her heart
breaking at the sight of her mother falling apart right at her house's threshold.

..........

Clarke had taken a quick shower and changed clothes in the doctor's bathroom, opting to use one
of the sweaters her mom had hanging around and some scrubs pants, she pulled her hair into a
ponytail and walked towards Lexa's room, feeling fresh and just a little bit calmer than before, it
was the result of running out of tears in the shower.
She found Raven laying next to Lexa on the bed, Raven was gently caressing Lexa's hair
whispering to her, just loud enough for Clarke to hear.

"They miss you, I can tell, they were making a lot of noise when I went to see them and they
looked sad, they miss their mom." Raven said and Clarke watched Lexa lean her head towards
her.

"Will you take care of them while I'm here?" Lexa's tired voice said, "they like you more than
Anya."

"That's cause she throws her stinky socks at their faces when they try to climb onto her bed."
Raven chuckled. "Of course, I'll look after them for you. I'm sure they'll let you out of here soon,
you are gonna get better and I'm gonna make that pasta you love so much."

Lexa hummed in content, but grimaced in pain quickly later, Raven noticed and pushed herself up
in her elbow so she could look down at Lexa.

"What's wrong?"

"My neck," Lexa said, closing her eyes briefly.

"Your neck hurts?" Raven asked and Lexa nodded.

"It's stiff."

"I'll go get a nurse, okay?"

"There aren't any right now, most of the personnel, was called down to the emergency room,
multiple car crash." Clarke said, moving closer to Lexa and moving her hand under her head,
lifting it gently to arrange the pillows better. "Better?" She asked, but Lexa didn't say anything,
she just looked at her.

"It's okay Lex, I'll try to get one to come here." Raven said before leaving the room, giving Clarke
a pointed look.

Clarke sat besides Lexa and reached for her hand.

"So all I had to do for you to let me touch you was to end up in the hospital." Lexa said, her open
eye visibly pained. That sentence alone felt like a punch in the gut to Clarke.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I know I have pushed you away for the wrong reasons and that I have
judged you for the wrong reasons and that I never allowed myself to really get to know you, I'm
sorry." Clarke said, her sad eyes looking into Lexa's own.

"I think it's too late for this, Clarke." Lexa said, "I'm sure you wouldn't be saying any of this if I
wasn't here, if none of this had happened I would just still be an inconvenience in your life, the
friend of Raven's that you don't like."

"Lexa..." Clarke tried to say with a hurt expression.

"You know is the truth."

"It may be, but this did happen Lexa, I'm deeply sorry it did, of course, but it has made me realize
that I haven't been fair to you, that I have been horrible, that I have rejected you and pushed you
away and blatantly treated you wrongly when you didn't deserve any of it, when you were
nothing but kind to me, I'm sorry."
"I don't think I can forgive you, you hurt me too many times Clarke, just now, you were
defending the guy that put me here, you only cared about him, you made me feel like I was
nothing, like what I did for you didn't mean anything." Lexa said, tears falling from her good eye
and rolling down the cuts on her face, making them sting painfully.

"Of course it meant something!" Clarke said strongly, tears in her own eyes as she gently wiped
away the tears on Lexa's cheek. "I'm just confused Lexa, so many things have happened in such a
short time, so many people are telling me different things, nothing makes sense, I don't know what
to believe. Bell and I, we have been friends since kindergarten, he has always been sweet to me,
never violent or disrespectful, to think that he did this to you it's just something that doesn't fit the
idea I have of him, I doesn't fit with the person I thought I knew. My first instinct was to defend
him because that's the way it has always been between us, between me and O and Bell and Wells,
we have always gotten each other's back, and I know there's no excuse for what he did, and I
agree that he should and has to be punished, but I have to be honest with you and with myself, it
will hurt to have him taken away, he's my friend and he has always been there, right by my side,
and I don't know what life without him looks like, I never thought I'd had to find out." Clarke
said, breathing in deeply to get a grip on her emotions. "I think my head still hasn't completely
wrapped itself around the fact that he did this, that he hurt you, that he almost killed you. In my
head, it still seems ridiculous, it will take me some time. I'm sorry I defended him, he didn't
deserve it and I shouldn't have done it, i shouldn't have tried to excuse wat he did."

"But you were there Clarke," Lexa said, her face contorted in to a grimace as she moved her
broken collarbone. "You watched, you stared at us as he beat me. You were right there."

"I don't remember any of it, i remember going to the store, buying everything for our sleep over
and then nothing." Clarke shrugged, getting lost in her thoughts for a second. "My therapist says is
a defense mechanism, my mind is blocking away the memories of a traumatic event so they can't
hurt me, I have no control over it, even if I have tried to remember what happened that night, I just
can't."

"A therapist?" Lexa asked, she didn't know Clarke had been seeing one for a long time, it was
new information to her.

"That's a long story." Clarke said, pulling the blankets up to cover Lexa's chest, "and you need
rest." Clarke had noticed how Lexa's eyes had fought to stay open while they talked, how her
speech had come slow and weak, how hard it was for her to open her eyelids.

Lexa didn't need to be told twice, as soon as she closed her good eye again, she was lost.

......................

Raven came back to find Clarke sitting besides Lexa, running her thumb lightly over her forehead.

"I couldn't find a nurse," she said.

"It was a multiple car crash, too many people got hurt, the people in this area are people who are
out of the woods, stable, so the nurses that are supposed to be here are the first to be moved
somewhere else when needed." Clarke said and Raven nodded, dropping ungracefully in a seat
next to Lexa's bed.

................

Lexa had been slipping in and out of consciousness for the hours that followed, Clarke started
getting worried when she noticed that the girl spent more time unconscious than conscious, when
she noticed that every time she woke up she would be more confused than the last time, more
disoriented.

Clarke could see in Raven's face that she was worried as well and the girl had gone looking for a
nurse twice and had found none available, everyone was rushing around the hospital and had no
time to check on a seemingly stable patient. Clarke had tried to call her mother a few times, but
she wasn't answering, Abby was probably in surgery.

Clarke knew something was wrong when Lexa woke up again, the girl was grimacing and
moaning, soft whimpers falling from her lips as Raven tried to soothe her.

"Hey Lex, it's okay, I'm here." Raven said, brushing her thumb over her bruised jaw. "Tell me
what's wrong."

Clarke watched as Lexa's open eyes connected with Raven, her mouth opened and she tried to
speak, but only a strangled, slurred sound fell from her lips. Clarke's eyes widened, her heart
going to an abrupt stop in her chest as she ran out of the room, turning a corner just to crash
against someone.

"Clarke honey, you know you can't run around the hospital." Her mother said in a severe
expression. "I came here as soon as I saw your missed calls, I was in surgery, what's happening?"

"It's Lexa!" Clarke said in a panic, pulling her mother's arm until they reached her room.

Abby instantly moved towards her patient's side.

"Lexa, honey? It is Abby, can you tell me what's wrong?"

Lexa didn't even look at her, but a string of slurred sounds feel from her mouth, Abby's expression
froze as she shined a light into Lexa's eyes.

"How long has she been like this?"

"The slurring started just now, but she complained about neck pain hours ago, and she's been
unable to stay conscious for long, she seemed confused too, the few times we got to speak she
wasn't making much sense." Raven said, "she wasn't like this before."

"Why didn't you call a nurse?" Abby said, pushing the nurse button insistently.

"We did, but they were busy with the crash, they told us to wait, that they would come as soon as
their could, but they never did." Raven said as she watched Abby's face contort with anger,
pushing the call button without letting up until a nurse came running into the room.

"Can you tell me why this girls had to call so many times for a nurse and no one came?"

"The car crash Doctor Griffin, we are full of work right now and there's not enough personnel.
This patient is stable, she can wait until things calm down." Said the nurse.

"This patient has been falling in and out of consciousness for hours now, she's disoriented,
confused, complained of neck pain and stiffness, she's grimacing and is no longer able to speak,
do you think she can wait?" Abby said, almost shouting with the barely contained anger. "You
will get her a CT scan right now, you will push every patient back until she gets her results and
you will directly bring them to me and if she ends up dying or with cognitive impairment because
of your teams negligence someone will get fired." Abby said, pushing Lexa's chart into the nurse
hands and leaving.

.................
Raven called Anya, telling her something was wrong with Lexa and the woman had been quick to
drop everything and go to the hospital to see her sister, she got there just in time to see Abby
walking towards Clarke and Raven with a man by her side.

"Doctor Griffin!" Anya said, running towards them, "what's wrong with my sister?"

"It seemed she developed an intracranial bleeding from the head trauma she sustained when she
was thrown down the stairs, the outer wound even if it bled profusely was not deep and was fixed
with a couple of stitches, but it seems like on the inside is were Lexa's brain suffered the most. In
our initial scans there's no sign of bleeding, meaning that it was too small to show in any of our
scans and that the hit she took to the head was not as harmless as we thought it was. Over the last
couple of days the bleed has gotten bigger and is causing an increase in her intracranial pressure,
we need to operate right away if we want to avoid further damage and decrease the possibility of
cognitive impairment." Abby said blankly, trying to not show any sign of emotion with what she
was saying.

Anya was stunned, her mouth opened and closed and she found herself unable to say anything. It
was Clarke who broke the silence.

"But how could this go unseen, it's been three days since the assault?"

"Subdural hemorrhage have a slower onset than others because the lower pressure veins bleed
slower than arteries for example, it can take over two weeks for a hemorrhage like this one to be
detected or to show symptoms." Abby said, moving her gaze towards Anya. "I can't promise that
she will make it out of surgery, but this is the only chance she's got, we have to operate now and
for that you need to sign your consent." Abby said, offering the stack of papers and a pen "will
you?"

I don't think I can forgive you. Those were the only words Clarke could hear, playing in her head,
over and over again.
 Past: bad nights
Chapter Notes

I usually don't like to explain myself but I'm going to do it now because i find it
necessary and because this can answer to many of the reviews I've gotten. I
understand where you guys are coming from when you refer to Clarke's way of
handling things, I understand why you are mad about her defending Bellamy righ in
front of Lexa, or even defending him at all and I agree that's very cannon of her and
you are right, that was wrong, she already admitted it and she apologized about it, but
that doesn't mean there weren't reasons behind her actions, because there were and
she explained them and I do not believe she was trying to make everything about
herself or to get people to pity her, I believe she was being honest, she was explaining
the reasons behind her actions, she was letting her feelings out in the open and she
was being sincere, hoping for the best. Defending Bellamy wasn't logical, or racional,
it didn't make any sense, but we are humans, we run by emotions and Clarke can't be
expected to react any differently. She isn't supposed to believe her BESTfriend
almost killed someone right away, she isn't supposed to put that other person above
her bestfriend who she has known for a lifetime, she isn't supposed to be rational or
logical or practical in a moment filled with so much tragedy, with so many things that
didn't make sense to her and that probably still don't, because she isn't supposed to
accept that her bestfriend is capable of such horrible actions, not so soon, not right
away, not when she has had him for so long by her side, not when she knows where
his actions were coming from, not when she knows he was only trying to protect her.
So, I do understand why you guys are mad at Clarke for defending him, I'm mad at
her about that too, but I think that her explanation was very valid, very emotional and
very honest, that's the way she feels and she shouldn't be judged because of it,
because like I mentioned before, she isn't trying to be self centered, she isn't trying to
make everything about her, she was telling Lexa how she felt, where she was coming
from and I believe she shouldn't be judged so harshly because of that, I don't consider
her response should be considered the wrong one and I don't believe anyone who
reads this would not defend their best friend until the very end, I don't believe anyone
who reads this would just accept some horrible information about their best friend in a
heart beat and I don't believe someone in a tragic event should be expected to act
rationally, to gather all the facts and come to a logical conclusion, not when they have
been affected so deeply.
Now, as someone very cleverly pointed out, Clarke and Raven weren't there when
Lexa explained that Finn had attacked Clarke, they came in after that, Clarke doesn't
know that part of the story, so she can't really thank Lexa for something she doesn't
really know happened, when everything she has heard is speculation, when the guy
that supposedly attacked her is supposed to be exiled.
To make it short, I'm not saying what Clarke did was right, I'm saying that she went
through a lot too and that her feelings are valid, everyone's feelings are valid. I'm
saying that I understand we are all taking Lexa's side, that we are all mad because
she's hurt and because she's not getting the kind of response she deserves, because we
are putting ourselves in her shoes, but there are no sides here, Clarke is not against
her, she's not enjoying seeing her like that, she wasn't trying to hurt her. I'm saying,
that maybe, we should try to see things through her eyes as well.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Past.

Raven had been unable to go back to sleep after Lexa's nightmare. She had pulled the girl close,
letting her rest her wet cheek on her collarbone, she heard the sniffles fade away, she felt Lexa's
breathing relax and her body go limp, her body half draped over Raven's. She stayed awake
through it all, her hand rubbing soothing lines up and down Lexa's back slowly, noticing how
Lexa calmed down when she gently caressed the back of her neck, fingers unconsciously tangling
in baby hairs.

She knew her insomnia was probably due to the fact that she had wasted away the afternoon
sleeping, but she couldn't help but think that maybe she just wanted to watch over Lexa, keep the
nightmares away. Raven looked down at her every few minutes, making sure the expression on
Lexa's face remained happily relaxed and free of pain.

Raven was unable to go to sleep, but it was fine, because she got to see Lexa wake up.

The alpha hummed contently and pressed her nose closer to Raven's neck, breathing her in
deeply, her arm tightening around Raven's waist. Raven smiled at the reaction and frowned when
Lexa jumped out of bed in a rush.

"I apologize for my disrespectful actions, I shouldn't have crossed the line, I'm sorry I got so close
and touched you, I didn't mean to display such a possessive manner." The alpha said, bowing her
head slightly and turning her head to the side to show her neck in a sign of submission.
Raven was again rendered speechless.

A few seconds later, when Lexa was still shuffling awkwardly on her feet and looking at the floor
with her hands nervously pulling at the hem of her shirt, Raven found her tongue.

"Lexa, yesterday we were kissing in our underwear in a changing room and two of my friends
watched, why would I be mad about some cuddling?"

"Yesterday you gave me your consent to touch you that way, now I was just on top of you
without your permission." Lexa said, "I promise it won't happen again." Raven sighed and stood
up, walking towards Lexa and tilting her head up with her fingers, pulling her out of her
submissive position.

Raven grabbed Lexa's hands and moved into her personal space, letting Lexa's hands curl around
her waist and hugging her by the shoulders.

"We are friends Lex, we can be affectionate with each other." Raven said, feeling Lexa's tense
body relax and wrap itself around Raven's light frame.

"We are friends?"

"Yes."

"You just met me."

"So? That's how all friendships start, we kinda have to meet to be friends." Raven said cheekily,
pulling away from Lexa but keeping her close with her hands on Lexa's shoulders.

"It doesn't really take long to know someone when you know what to look for." Raven said, "I
know that you are respectful and gentle, I know that you are not possessive, that you respect
people, alphas, omegas and betas, I know that you aren't trying to impose your dominance on
anyone even if you know you can and that says a lot about you, that's someone I'd like to be
friends with." Raven said. "I know that you want to keep yourself isolated from other people, that
you don't want to get close to anyone, I see it in the way you avoid Anya and in the way you kept
your answers short with my friend yesterday, but I also know you are desperately in need of
someone, I saw it in the way you reached out to me last night." Lexa tried to look away, but
Raven didn't let her. "It's not something to be ashamed of, it's okay to want people around, it's
okay to have people to support you. And we can be that to each other, I'm not in a good place
with my friends right now and well, I'm me, you won't find anyone better." Raven said and the
last comment pulled a smile out of Lexa. "So, what do you say, friends?"

Lexa nodded, trying to keep her smile from getting bigger, Raven lightly punched her on the
shoulder.

"Your excitement is from another world, I swear." Raven said, sarcasm dripping from her tone.

"Should we get some friendship bracelets?" Lexa said with a smirk, chuckling when Raven
looked back at her with an unimpressed expression.

"Asshole." She snorted, throwing herself back in the bed and pushing back the Aussie puppy that
instantly came to lick her face. Raven groaned even louder when Lexa put the other dogs on the
bed as well, all of them coming to attack Raven with their wet mouths.

"Lexa, what the fuck? Get this monsters away from me!" Raven said, pushing them away from
her.

"They like you, what can I do?" Lexa said, sitting on the bed and putting the husky puppy on her
lap.

"I don't know, put them on the floor, away from my face."

"You have a nice face, can't do anything if they want to eat it."

"Funny." Raven said with a bark and sat up to keep the puppies away from her face.

"I'm hungry," Raven said, leaning her head back against the headboard.

"I could make you something?" Lexa offered.

"No, I want a milkshake, there is 24 hours place really near, I showed it to you the other day when
we went for that walk, we could go, take the dogs for a walk."

Lexa nodded and they both stood up, looking for their pants and some shoes. Lexa put the
puppies in leashes and walked outside with Raven by her side as they walked slowly.

Raven could see Lexa was more than elated just at the sight of the happy pups walking in front of
them and sniffing around.

"You still haven't named them."

"I'm not good with names." Lexa said, her eyes on the pups, Raven rolled her eyes.

"You are not even trying, you are Trikru, right?" Raven asked and she nodded.

"Name them something Trikru then, something cool."

"What do you mean something Trikru?"

"I don't know, something in trigedasleng maybe." Raven said and Lexa nodded.
"I don't know, something in trigedasleng maybe." Raven said and Lexa nodded.

As they walked Lexa listed words and more words in trigedasleng for Raven, but the girl didn't
seem to like any of them.

"Wait, wait, repeat that again." Raven said, stopping their walk to look at Lexa.

"Wan?"

"God no! Before that." Raven said, her hand on Lexa's arm.

"Faya?"

"Yeah, I like it, sounds cool, what do you think?" Raven said, looking at Lexa's face for some
kind of reaction.

"It's alright, it means fire, there are three of them though..." Lexa said. Raven picked up the husky
puppy and moved it close to Lexa's face, the puppy, naturally, started licking her cheek.

"I think she looks like Faya." Raven said scratching behind the puppy's ears.

"You do know huskies do better in cold climates, right?" Lexa said, her eyebrows arched, Raven
gave her an unimpressed look.

"Yeah, but look at her, she looks fierce, but at the same time she's really sweet, really warm."
Raven said, holding the pup close to her chest. "Besides, look into those amber eyes of hers, they
look like fire to me." Raven said, and she knew she had said the right thing when Lexa smiled.
The Trikru girl took the pup into her own arms, looking into the amber eyes of the husky and
smiled again, putting her back down.

"I think you are right." Lexa said, "you do look like Faya, pup." Lexa gently caressed the pup's
back and then straightened.

Raven made Lexa keep listing words in trigedasleng for her until they reached the café, they sat
outside because the dogs couldn't go in and a few minutes later a waitress quickly went to greet
them.

"Hi!" The young woman said in an overly cheerful matter, Raven refrained from rolling her eyes
as she watched the omega's eyes undress Lexa with her eyes, the alpha didn't notice, she was
looking down at the lightly panting puppies, patting their heads and talking to them in quiet
whispers.

"Hey," Raven said, and made their order before Lexa could say anything about it, and claim that
she wasn't hungry, or that Raven didn't have to buy her food. The woman didn't move to leave
though, her eyes still on Lexa, Raven smirked.

"Do you want anything else?" The waitress asked, releasing her pheromones in hopes that Lexa
would finally notice her. And actually, the alpha did.

"Yes!" Lexa said in a rush, her eyes only landing on the waitress for a second before they moved
back to the pups. "Could you give me some water for the pups?" Lexa said, and Raven held back
a smile when she saw the waitress smile falter, Lexa hadn't even looked at her properly. She
looked back up when she noticed the waitress hadn't left. "I'll pay for it." Lexa said, frowning
slightly, the pups were still panting. "Could you bring it quickly, please." Lexa said, keeping her
tone light and very polite, "they are thirsty."

The young woman gave a sharp nod before walking away and Raven finally allowed herself to
laugh.

"What?" Lexa asked, the right corner of her lips tilting up in a small, lopsided smile as she pulled
the aussie puppy on her lap, the other two were laying on the floor on their bellies.

"That girl was eye fucking you and you didn't even notice." Raven said and Lexa just looked
back at her, shrugging.

"I did notice, it was hard not to, I'm just not interested." Lexa said.

"Why not? She's hot." Raven said, "if she wasn't so focused on you I would have probably flirted
with her myself."

Their food came and with it a bowl of water that the waitress put on the floor for the pups.

"Thank you." Lexa said, giving her a small smile and brief nod, the waitress almost beamed as she
walked away. Raven laughed again.

"See? She's cute, you could use some of that happy energy." Raven said, drinking her milkshake
greedily.

"The pups have enough of that." Lexa said, reaching out for a strawberry and soaking it in
chocolate before putting it in her mouth.

"Are you gonna fuck the pups then?" Raven asked and Lexa almost choked, coughing into a
napkin as her face went red. She looked back at Raven with a disturbed expression.

"That's disgusting, Raven." Lexa said.

"You know what I mean Lex, our bodies have needs, we need people to satisfy them and that
waitress has pretty nice legs if you ask me." Raven shrugged finishing her milkshake and reaching
out to drink Lexa's, the alpha didn't say anything about it.

"I can take care of my needs on my own."

"We both know that's not half as satisfying as having someone doing it for you. Masturbating all
through a heat is the saddest and most humiliating thing I've ever experienced." Raven said,
looking away from Lexa, her face going dark.

"Then why do you spend them alone?" Lexa asked, not understanding.

"I can barely take short walks without pain Lexa, this injury has messed with my prowess in bed,
I'm in pain most of the time, no one wants to be overly careful when having sex and my partner
has to be, I can't exactly focus on having an orgasm or making anyone else have one when my leg
is hurting like a bitch." Raven said, her gaze still lost somewhere over Lexa's shoulder. "No one
finds my messed up leg sexy and no one wants to have sex with me, it's too complicated." Raven
said.

Lexa's face was blank, void of feeling as it usually was, but inside she was feeling, strongly, she
was sad, she could feel Raven's insecurity, the self hatred, the disgust her disability provoked and
it all made Lexa's heart ache, it made her want to rip apart every single person who had made her
friend feel like that. She fisted her hands, feeling her fingers ache, her claws threatening to come
out, she breathed in deeply, trying to calm herself.

"You are effortlessly charming Raven, you are funny, you make people relax and feel at ease. I
understand why you feel like this, you have had to change your lifestyle, you have lost some parts
of yourself, but I believe that you can rebuild, make yourself even better than you were before, I
don't think you should let anyone make you feel like less, like you are not enough, like you aren't
sexy and completely gorgeous, because you are!" Lexa said and the utter strength in her own
voice made her blush a little, it made Raven smile though.

"You think I'm sexy?" Raven asked, playfulness in her tongue as she smirked.

"I'm not blind Raven," Lexa said, smirking back at her, grabbing another strawberry, soaking it in
chocolate and putting it in her mouth, "I have eyes."

"And what are they telling you?" Raven asked, not really expecting Lexa to answer.

"That you have a very nice ass and that the light muscles in your arms are very pleasing to them."
Lexa said, without missing a beat.

"You have been staring at my ass?" Raven asked, arching her eyebrows and Lexa looked at her
with an unimpressed expression.

"Raven, you forced me to touch it just yesterday."

"You say it like you didn't enjoy it." Raven said and they both laughed.

"I never said that, I don't lie." Lexa said.

They chatted for a few more minutes, leaving the heavy conversations for later, going back to
naming the pups, after listing almost 30 words in trigedasleng and almost finishing their food, they
settled on naming the German shepherd puppy Gona.

Lexa was already tired of listing so many words and decided to give Raven the chance to name
the Aussie puppy.

"Name the Aussie for me, I'll give you the honor." Lexa said, giving Raven a small smile as she
put the puppy on her lap, trying to keep it from sticking its nose on their food.

"Really?" Raven asked and Lexa just nodded, "she's a girl, right?"

"Yeah, the Aussie and the husky are both girls, the German shepherd is the only boy."

Lexa sipped on her hot chocolate as she watched Raven think.

"Harley!" Raven said and Lexa arched her eyebrow.

"For Harley Quinn or for Harley Davidson?" Lexa asked and Raven just smiled widely in
response.

"Both! You are into motorcycles?" Raven asked and Lexa gave her a nod.

"My foster father back in Azgeda was a mechanic, he had a workshop in his garage and the oldest
kids in his care had to work there, I know quite a bit about motorcycles and cars from there. And
well, I have read a few comics as well." Lexa said and Raven smiled.

"I have no doubt Lexa, we are gonna be great friends."

A while later they started the walk back home, with Raven on Lexa's back and the puppies
walking in front of them.

Suddenly, a few guys passed right besides them, riding their longboards with great speed, the
puppies were startled as was Lexa, and Raven chuckled.

"They do this most mornings, the streets are the most empty at this time of the day, so they take
the chance to longboard on the streets without the worry of being run over by cars. It amazes me,
the fact that they wake up so early just to do this." Raven said.

"It's really cool, I had the chance to do some surfing when I lived in Floukru and I did a lot
snowboarding back in Azgeda." Lexa said.

"Surfing? Sounds hot." Raven said and idea slowly developing in her brain.

..............

A few days later Clarke was surprised to receive a call from Raven.

"Raven, hi!" Clarke said, "we have missed you."

"Hi Clarke," Raven asked, "I'm working on a small project, can you help me?" She said, right to
the point and ignoring what Clarke had just told her.

"Yeah, sure, what is it about?" Clarke said, not passing up the chance to spend some time with her
friend.

"Are you home?"

"Yeah."

"I'll be there in half an hour."

"Okay, by-" Clarke tried to say, but Raven had already hung up.

..........

"Come in!" Clarke said, when she felt someone knock on her door, a moment later Raven stepped
inside.

"Hey Clarke." Raven said, giving her friend a small smile.

"Hey," Clarke said, moving forwards to give her friend a small hug. "What's this project you are
working on?" Clarke asked, looking at the piece of wood Raven was holding.

"I'm making a longboard, I built the deck myself and I already got the trucks, the wheels and
everything else, but I want it to have some kind of cool design on the underside of the deck and I
don't have the creative ability to do that." Raven said, showing Clarke the piece of wood that
made the deck, to Clarke it looked like the small version of a surf board, she frowned.

"Who is it for?"

"A friend." Raven said, moving to sit down on Clarke's bed, the blonde noticed that there was a
faint scent surrounding Raven, clinging to her just barely, it was so sutil that Clarke couldn't really
distinguish how it smelled like. "She's into surfing, so I thought that maybe we could make a cool
surfing design for the board, waves or something."

"Who is this friend?" Clarke asked, taking the deck of the board from Raven's hand and settling it
on the desk.

"You will meet her eventually, she's an alpha and I truly hope you act descent when you meet her,
she's been kind to me." Raven said and Clarke's hands tensed on the edge of her desk.

"She's been kind to you?" Clarke asked mockingly, "isn't that what I said about him?"

"Please," Raven said with an eye roll, "do not even compare him with my friend, he stunk of
asshole since the very beginning, my friend is not like that."

"That's what I thought at first." Clarke said, her expression pulled tight as she pulled out her
sketch book.

"Clarke, this is not the same as that, we are not even interested in each other the way you were
interested in him." Raven said, "so I'm telling you now that I won't accept you being a bitch to
her, she doesn't deserve that."

"If I see that she's threatening you in any way I will crush her in any way I can Raven, I can
promise you that." Clarke said, her eyes burning as she looked back at Raven.

"That won't be necessary."

"That's my decision to make." Clarke shot back and Raven sighed, knowing that she wouldn't be
able to change her friend's decision.

"Okay."

.....................

There was nothing as priceless as the look on Lexa's face when Raven gave her the board.

"Raven, this is amazing!" Lexa said, showing the most emotion she had ever shown in their time
together.

"There are no waves here, I thought you could ride concrete instead." Raven said with a smug
smile.

"You didn't have to do this!" Lexa said, dropping the board on the grass and hopping up, her right
foot was on the front and her left on the back, she wasn't moving, just jumping on it a bit and
leaning back and forth between her toes and her heels. Raven had read enough about
longboarding to know that those who rode that way were called goofy feet.

"You look pretty comfortable there, goofy." Raven said with a smile, "do you even know what
you are doing?"

"I guess, I mean, it is the same concept as snowboarding, you lean on the way you wanna go,
everything else is quite different." Lexa said.

"Maybe we should go to the park, I don't want you to get run over by a car or something."

Lexa nodded, put the dogs on their respective leashes and started the short walk there with Raven
by her side.

A week later Lexa had gotten the hang of it, Raven knew she went to practice in the park every
morning at ungodly hours and they went together every afternoon, Lexa was a natural, her past
with snowboarding as surfing helping her greatly. It didn't take long for her to ride back home
with Raven at her back. It took a lot of practice and accommodating, Raven perched high on
Lexa's back so her lower body wasn't so constricted and she could move better. Lexa always
made sure Raven had a helmet and protection gear just in case when she went with Raven at her
back.

Raven loved it, after what had happened to her she had to give up driving cars, riding
motorcycles, going out for a run or simply taking a long walk. She loved adrenaline, she loved the
speed and now with Lexa she had gotten some of it back. Raven screamed loudly as they made
their way down a hill, her eyes closed as she hugged Lexa hard around the shoulders as Lexa let
them ride down the street, letting the speed die slowly, it was ridiculously late so there weren't any
cars on the streets, Raven buried her face in Lexa's neck and chuckled, letting her body slide
lower on Lexa's back until she was perched comfortably on her waist, they slowly came to a stop,
Lexa picked up the board, gave it to Raven and settled her hands under the girl's thighs, holding
her up gently.

"Lex?" Raven asked tentatively, she knew her friend wasn't sleeping, Anya had told her that she
still woke up screaming every night and that now she always left with the dogs or with the
longboard, that sometimes she would leave for work and Lexa would still be gone.

Lexa let out a low hum to let Raven know that she was listening.

"Anya is worried." And so am I, Raven wanted to say but didn't. Lexa stiffened and suddenly her
scent wasn't as soothing, as smooth, it was now tinted with fear.

"What did i do? I can fix it, i can make it better, what did I do? Is it because I've been taking food
from the kitchen, she didn't seem to mind, I haven't been taking much, did I break something? Am
I being too much? Maybe I should-"

Raven's frown had been deepening with every word that left Lexa's mouth, her heart breaking a
little with every word.

"-she should punish me for what I did wrong, I won't do it again, I-"

"Lexa, stop!" Raven said, her voice firm and Lexa tensed even further, stopping her walking and
standing motionless in the middle of the street.

"Let me down," Raven said next and Lexa let her go right away, stepping away from Raven and
lowering her eyes, tilting her head to the side in submission.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Lexa said, her voice shaking.

"Lex, no." Raven said, frowning as she moved closer to her friend, hugging her close, letting out
soothing pheromones to try and calm her down. "You didn't do anything wrong, you have been
great, I promise Anya is not mad at you and she doesn't want to punish you, she doesn't have a
reason to." Raven said rubbing Lexa's back with one hand and caressing the back of her neck
with the other. Lexa sagged into her body in relief, trying to ease the sharp beating of her heart as
she buried her face in Raven's shoulder, curling her arms around the omega's middle.

"She's just worried because you aren't sleeping, I can see how tired you are, you are exhausted
and this isn't healthy Lex." Raven said.

"I can't sleep." Lexa whispered into Raven's shoulder, moving closer to her friend, "please, don't
make me."

"You need to rest Lexa, this is not good for you." Raven insisted, but Lexa only shook her head.
"Will you try if I stay with you?"

"You don't have to do that." Lexa said, pulling back and composing herself in a matter of seconds,
her face going back to the usual unaffected mask.
"Don't give me that shit, I'm sleeping over." Raven said, pulling Lexa back to their block and
entering Lexa's house, the puppies came to greet them excitedly before they all went down to the
basement.

Raven took off her brace and pants, letting her hair free from the pony tail and laying back on
Lexa's bed, her friend had put on an oversized shirt and shorts to sleep, kissing the dogs' heads as
goodnight and climbing into bed next to Raven.

They lay quietly on their sides, facing each other without saying anything, it didn't take long for
Lexa's eyes to start dropping, the girl fighting to stay awake.

Raven reached out to caress the back of her neck and Lexa frowned, groaning, trying to pull
away.

"Stop." She said sleepily but Raven didn't and slowly she fell asleep.

Raven woke up to the sound of her phone ringing, she grabbed it and answered the call before the
noise could wake Lexa, the girl had had a bad nightmare the night before and it had taken Raven
ages to get her back to sleep.

"What?" She snapped into the phone, opening her eyes a little to look down at Lexa's sleeping
form.

"Well, good morning to you too Raven, I'm happy to hear you."

"O, its way to early for this shit." Raven said, she hadn't spoken to her friend in a while and she
didn't feel like doing it then.

"It's almost eleven, we are going to get lunch with the rest of the gang, could you please come
with us, you have to stop pushing us away eventually Rae, we are not leaving you behind."

"Can't make it, I'm sleeping." Raven said, ignoring what her friend had just said.

"Then meet us at the park after."

"O, I don't really..."

"Meet us at the park after. See you there. Bye." Octavia said before hanging up. Raven growled
and threw her phone away.

Lexa was startled at the noise, her body jumping slightly in Raven's hold.

"Shh shh, its fine, it's okay," Raven whispered, pressing Lexa's head back against her collarbone
and tracing her fingers gently over the back of her neck.

"I heard..." Lexa whispered, voice sleepy.

"Nothing, it's okay, go back to sleep." Raven said, Lexa sighed, burying herself closer to Raven
and closing her eyes. Raven pulled the comforter up to cover Lexa's shoulders and closed her own
eyes.

...........

"Are you sure I should even be going?" Lexa asked as she helped Raven put on all her
longboarding protection gear.
 "I don't care, if they don't want you there for some reason we both leave, I'm not in the mood to
put up with anyone's shit." Raven said, letting Lexa help her with her helmet.

"I could just drop you off and pick you up later."

"You go with me or I don't go at all." Raven said and Lexa sighed, bending down to let Raven
climb high on her back before hopping up on her longboard, pushing off the ground with her left
foot, picking up speed quickly.

They got to the park in no time with Raven giving Lexa directions to where her friends usually
gathered, Lexa saw the group of people and nodded at her friend.

In longboarding there were only three ways of stopping, sliding to a stop, dragging one foot
against the ground to stop and jumping off, Lexa decided for the latter and jumped off the board
and onto the grass, losing her balance for a second and letting go of one of Raven's legs to grab
onto a tree, avoiding a fall.

Lexa let Raven down and looked up to see an omega coming at her, a furious omega.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" The blonde shouted, her eyes blazing with anger as she
pulled Raven behind her, "don't you see she's already hurt? Do you know what could have
happened if you had fallen with her? Can't you see how irresponsible this is? I bet you don't give a
shit about what happens to her, because she's an omega, right? You don't give a shit if something
happens to her, don't you see how dangerous that was? Are you dense or what?"

Chapter End Notes

Please leave a comment, tell me if you want to see more of one time line and less of
the other.

Some comments won't be answered because I feel that the response is in the note at
the beginning of the chapter, but you guys can be sure that I read them and that I
loved them.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT!

 Present: She will be okay
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Raven, Clarke and Anya were sitting in the waiting room, waiting to hear from Lexa, who was
still in surgery.

They heard Lexa's ringtone coming from Anya's bag, the woman pulled the cellphone out and
looked at the screen.

"Some Hailey girl has been calling, I always forget to call her back." Anya said.

"Hailey?!" Clarke said, her eyes widening, "please, let me take the call." Clarke asked and Anya
gave her the phone with a shrug.

"Hailey?" Clarke asked into the receiver, hearing heavy breathing come from the other end.

"Lexa?" A weak voice said and Clarke flinched.

"No, it's Clarke, Hailey are you alright?"

"I need Lexa." The other girl said, her voice shaking, a harsh cough following. "I can't stand, my
sister needs help."

"Tell me your address, I'll go." Clarke said, she didn't want to leave the hospital, leave Lexa, but
she knew Lexa would want her to go.

"Clarke, where is Lexa? I want Lexa, I need her with me."

"I know, I'll explain everything when I get there." Clarke said, her throat closing up in pain, the
last thing she wanted to do was tell Hailey what had happened to Lexa.

Clarke memorized the address quickly and gave the phone back to Anya, pulling Raven to the
side.

"You didn't think of telling Hailey about what happened?" Clarke asked in a hushed tone.

"I'm sorry, I was too worried, my best friend was dying, you know?" Raven said, her tone acid.

"Well, how do you think Hailey will feel when she finds out? Lexa is her closest friend. Someone
should have told her, she should have been here, with Lexa." Clarke said.

Raven sighed, nodding.

"I'm not leaving." Raven said and Clarke sighed.

"You are Lexa's number one, her best friend, I'd never ask you to leave, I just wanted to let you
know that I'm leaving, please call me as soon as she's out of surgery and tell mom that I took her
car." Clarke said, Raven nodded.

Clarke rushed to her mom's office and grabbed her keys and a plastic back she had lying around,
she then moved to a supply room grabbing bandages, gauze, medicine, cotton and alcohol before
leaving the hospital.
She rang the bell twice and waited nervously, she heard quick steps and a second later the door
opened, Hailey's younger sister, Rose, opening the door for her. The alpha stench hit Clarke in the
face and she was forced to keep herself from gagging.

"Hey kid," Clarke said sweetly, "I'm a friend of Lexa's, I came to visit your sister."

"She isn't here." The girl quickly said, trying to shut the door, but Clarke didn't let her, pushing the
door open and kneeling before the girl.

"Hey, you don't have to be afraid, I talked to Hailey, I came to help." Clarke said, showing the girl
the bag.

"Where is Lexa?"

"She can't come right now." Clarke said, her voice wavering with pain.

"She always comes, no matter what." Rose said.

"I know, I know," Clarke said, reaching out to touch the girl's shoulder, "please, I know that
Hailey is up there and I can help her, this is what Lexa would want, I have helped before."

Finally the girl nodded and guided Clarke up the stairs, towards the last room on the right.

"She's been there since yesterday, she can't stand." Rose said.

"What happened?" Clarke asked and the girl looked up at her nervously.

"Father had been drinking, he gets mad when he drinks, Hailey came home late and he got mad."
Rose said and Clarke swallowed hard.

"I'll take care of her, okay? I promise." Clarke whispered, telling the girl to go to her room before
going to Hailey's.

Clarke breathed in deeply before going inside, turning on the light, her eyes widened when she
saw Hailey lying on the bed, breathing quickly and shallowly, her eyes closed shut, her face
flushed and sweaty. Clarke knelt by her side, pushing some strands of light brown hair away from
her face and calling her name. Hailey's blue eyes opened slowly, looking up at Clarke with a
confused expression.

"Where is Lexa?" She asked, voice hoarse and weak.

"She can't come right now. Show me." Clarke said.

"My thigh." She said, "I think there's something wrong with my wrist and ribs."

Clarke nodded and pulled the comforter away, her eyes widening at the sight of Hailey's beaten
body. Her thigh was bloody, red staining the bandages she had used to cover her wounds.

"His belt buckle." Hailey said, covering her eyes with her forearm and pressing a hand to her
chest in pain.

Clarke didn't say a word, she bended Hailey's leg carefully and took the bandage off, it was a very
painful process as the bandages had stuck to the wound. Clarke watched Hailey's jaw tense in
pain, a low hiss falling past her lips as Clarke finished.

It was a bloody mess, the skin had been broken by the metal buckle everything was red and
purple, full of bruises and lacerations.
purple, full of bruises and lacerations.

Clarke went to the bathroom and grabbed some warm water to clean the wound.

"This won't feel nice." Clarke warned before she started cleaning the wound, wiping all the blood
away, the wounds were no longer bleeding, but they were on the way to an infection. Clarke
covered them with some antiseptic cream and wrapped them with fresh bandages, moving up to
feel Hailey's ribs with her hands, the girl groaned slightly, clearly in pain, but nothing seemed to
be broken. She then took Hailey's left hand, moving it in various ways until she was sure the girl
only had a sprain.

Clarke walked towards the kitchen and grabbed some ice, using it to lower the swelling on
Hailey's wrist before bandaging it.

Finally, she soaked a small towel with water and wiped away the sweat collecting on Hailey's face
and neck, the girl had developed a fever, probably from the infection.

"Here, take this." Clarke said, giving the girl some pain medication, propping Hailey up with
some pillows and helping her get down the pills and the water. "You are going to be okay, I'll
come clean those for you every day, you are going to feel better soon."

Hailey opened her eyes to look at Clarke, feeling exhausted.

"Where is Lexa? I've been trying to reach her for days and she isn't picking up her phone." Hailey
said.

"She won't be able to come." Clarke said, her chest feeling tight, Hailey's eyes hardened and
focused on her. "She can't."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hailey said, "where is she, Clarke?"

"I need you to stay calm, okay." Clarke said, her hand on Hailey's. "She's in the hospital."

"What?" Hailey's voice was ice.

"She was attacked a few days ago, she was badly injured, she's being treated right now."

"How badly?" Hailey asked.

"Hailey-" Clarke tried to say, but she was interrupted.

"How badly, Clarke?"

"They had to resuscitate her on the spot, they took her to the hospital and rushed her into
emergency surgery, they had to take her spleen out, fix a collapsed lung and put some plates and
screws on her broken collarbone, they lost her a few times on the table, she lost so much blood,"
Clarke didn't know it, but she was crying, "she was okay for day or two, but she started
deteriorating earlier this morning, she developed an intracranial bleeding, she's in surgery right
now, they don't know if she will make it and if she does, she will probably have some kind of
cognitive impairment."

Hailey stared at Clarke for a few seconds, her lips pressed into a thin line as she pushed herself
onto her feet, pain radiating off every part of her body as she limped towards her closet, throwing
on a random shirt and trying to put on some black sweatpants.

"Hey, hey!" Clarke rushed to her, grabbing Hailey by the arm only to have the other omega
shrugging her off. "Hailey you are not okay to be going anywhere."
"Lexa could have died and no one thought of telling me, she could have died and I would have
never known, I'm going and you won't stop me." She said, her breathing harsh as she finally
pulled the sweatpants up her legs, breathing harshly from the pain in her ribs and thigh.

"I know and I'm sorry, things have been messy for the last few days, not many people know."

"She's my only friend Clarke, I should have been there, by her side."

"I'm sorry." Clarke said, watching as Hailey shrugged on her jacket and called her sister, leaving
her under the care of the neighbor and then painfully sitting on the passenger side of Clarke's car.

They were on their way there when Clarke's phone started ringing, she put it on speaker.

"Raven, is everything okay?" Clarke asked, her voice tense, her hands gripping the wheel so hard
her knuckles turned white.

"Your mom said too many things, the only thing I can focus on is that she's still alive, she made
it." Raven said, her voice noticeably relieved, Clarke watched Hailey let out a sigh from the corner
of her eye.

"We will be there soon."

"See you then." Raven said.

The rest of the ride was filled with silence.

Hailey refused Clarke's help when she got out of the car, straightening her back and walking
inside like nothing was wrong, Clarke could see she was sweating, and that her breathing was
coming out in short gasps, she knew her leg must have been hurting like hell, but it was silly to
believe that Hailey would just accept to stay home while Lexa was in the hospital.

They got to the waiting room on the ICU floor and saw Raven sitting with Roan, the older guy
had an arm wrapped securely around her and the smell of his pheromones was being pumped out
in all directions, he stunk of fury. Cold sweat started dripping down Clarke's spine, she started
breathing through her mouth and looked everywhere but at him.

She was careful to keep her eyes on Raven as she neared them, her friend was pressed completely
against his side, her face tucked in his neck as she let out soothing pheromones, trying to calm him
down.

"What did my mother say?" Clarke asked, her eyes on Raven.

"Something about intracranial pressure, they put her in an artificial coma, she will stay like that
until the pressure goes down, they then will get her off the drugs and she will hopefully wake up."
Raven said, looking up at Clarke with bloodshot eyes, the blonde swallowed hard, feeling like
acid instead of spit went down her throat.

"Hopefully?" Hailey snapped, sounding like she was going to scream, her eyes furious, and
Clarke knew that was the only emotion the girl would let herself feel, it was the only one she
knew how to deal with, it was the one that kept her strong. And Hailey, Hailey had many reasons
to be angry.

"Brain injuries are complicated," Clarke explained, "the brain is very delicate. I believe infection is
their primary concern, Lexa has been opened up in various places, any of her surgical wounds
could get infected, including the one they just did to operate on her brain, they have to watch out
for infection, meningitis, after so much trauma Lexa's body can't withstand anything else."
"She's strong, she'll be just fine." Hailey said, Clarke could feel the fury in her tone, in her icy
eyes, and she knew that deep down the girl was as scared as she was. Lexa had to make it, she
just had to, for all of them. "I need a cigarette." Hailey said and Roan stood up, motioning with his
head for her to follow him.

Clarke sat down next to Raven, sighing and trying to relax her tense shoulders, trying to untie the
knot lodged in her throat.

"How is he?" Clarke asked, moving her head to the side slightly to look at Raven.

"He doesn't know what to do with himself." Raven said bluntly, referring to Roan. "He almost got
kicked out when I told him what happened, when I told him who did it." Something in Clarke's
stomach twisted and lurched up at the mere thought of Bellamy hitting Lexa. That person, the
person who almost killed a girl wasn't the person she had grown up with, it didn't make any sense.
Everyone had told her what had happened, she knew that Bellamy had said it, had admitted that
he had done it, the most rational part of her had come to accept it as the truth, but her heart
refused. And she knew why. She knew that an action so violent and so cruel was something she
wouldn't be able to forgive, was something she would never be ok with, was a part of her friend
she would always reject and see with disgust, was something that would stain the idea of Bellamy
that she had in her head, the Bellamy that was her friend, the Bellamy she had made mud cakes
with, the one that had danced with her in every family reunion and that had gone to museums and
art exhibitions with her even if he considered them boring as hell. She would never see him the
same way again, she wouldn't be able to offer him the love she has always had for him, as her
friend, as a brother. She didn't think she would be able to look at him and not see a monster, not
for a very long time at least. She didn't want to feel that way, not about him. And that was scary,
that was painful, that was something she didn't want to feel, so she was letting her heart protect
her, she was letting it push that information back into a dark place until things were less crushing,
less overwhelming, less frightening and traumatic.

Until Lexa woke up, until she could breathe on her own, until the bruises faded and the stitches
were out and the color went back to her face.

"He seemed pretty worked up when we came." Clarke finally said and Raven hummed, turning to
look at her.

"I know, I'm sorry, I tried to calm him down, but..." Raven tried to explain a silent question in her
eyes.

"Don't worry, it's fine, I can handle it." Clarke said.

"You sure? He was pretty out of control and I know how that affects you, maybe I could leave the
hospital for a while with him?" Raven offered.

"No, no, it's fine, it wouldn't be fair to you, or to him, or to Lexa, she'd want you guys here, if it
becomes too much for me, I'll leave." Clarke said, and Raven nodded.

"I know that I've been all over Lexa for the past few days and I have been a poor friend to you,
I'm sorry Clarke." Raven said, honesty coloring her voice as she moved to put her hand on
Clarke's knee.

"I get it, Lexa is your person, the Meredith to your Christina," Clarke smiled, bumping her
shoulder against Raven's. "We have been friends for longer, but I understand that the connection
you have with her is different, it is special, she's your best friend, she goes first, I get that and I
respect it. We don't choose the way we connect with people. And I'm happy you met her, I still
 don't like the longboarding thing though." Clarke said, giving Raven a small smile while her
friend chuckled.

"She knows what she's doing." Raven said and Clarke huffed.

"I never understood your thing with her." Raven said after a few minutes in silence.

"There was no thing between us."

"There is, I know you two have a secret." Raven said and Clarke instantly thought about Hailey.

"The secret isn't mine, or Lexa's, that's why we can't tell you." Clarke said and Raven hummed in
response.

"You seem better, calmer now." Raven stated and Clarke gave her a small nod.

"The medication helps a lot." Clarke said with a sigh, "I can't afford to be unwell now, I want to
be here for Lexa."

"You do know that you couldn't have helped her, right?" Raven asked, wanting to make sure,
"you couldn't have, even if you had wanted to, it just wasn't a possibility."

"I know," Clarke said, "but that doesn't make me feel any better, if I hadn't been so lost in my
head I would have been able to stop him, I would have gotten her help sooner, she would be a lot
less hurt than she is now. This reminded me of how messed up I am."

"Clarke-" Raven tried to say, feeling worried about her friend, but was quickly cut off.

"Don't say anything," Clarke said softly, looking down at her feet, "nothing you say will make me
feel better, nothing anyone says will make me feel any differently, every person in my life has
tried and it just doesn't work. I appreciate you try to help, but sometimes it just makes it worse."
Raven nodded silently and reached out to hold Clarke's hand.

"I hope she makes it." Raven whispered, feeling her eyes sting.

"She will, she will be just fine." Clarke responded, letting her head rest on Raven's shoulder. Lexa
had to be fine, for Raven, for Hailey, for Anya and Gustus, for Roan, and for her, for Clarke.
"She's gonna be just fine."

Chapter End Notes

Thanks for all the comments guys, I promise I have read them all, please keep them
coming!!!

Ps: I think is funny how Lowiiie and Jude81 had teamed together, for some reason I
find it amusing :D
 Past: you can call me boss
Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

Clarke's heart was sprinting in her chest, cold sweat dripping down her spine as she found herself
rising her voice at an Alpha, an unknown Alpha, there was a big part of her that wanted to flight,
to go, to avoid confrontation, but there was another part of her that knew that she had to stand up
for herself, that knew that to get over her fears she had to face them, face alphas.

She was surprised though, thrown off by the fact that the flare of pheromones in the air weren't
coming from the Alpha in front of her. Her outburst had caused a rile up in Bellamy and Wells,
the two of them growling and snarling viciously at the unknown Alpha. Her reaction had also
angered Raven who had placed herself protectively in front of her friend, giving Clarke an angry
look.

Clarke kept her eyes on Raven's friend who hadn't made a move, who hadn't reacted at all, whose
pheromones were stable and controlled, barely noticeable. Clarke frowned in confusion, the
strange reaction, or lack of, unsettling her. No Alpha would just accept an omega speaking to
them in such a way.

"I can't fucking believe this, we talked about this, you told me you would at least try to be decent,
Clarke." Raven said, visibly angry.

"And I was, I just didn't know she would treat you so carelessly, don't you see how dangerous this
is, you could have gotten hurt for her irresponsibility!" Clarke responded.

"She didn't force me into anything, if i get hurt is my fault, not hers."

"Well, well, look at this."

Clarke's stomach lurched in disgust when she saw Murphy and his friends making their way
towards them.

"Fuck off, asshole!" Raven said, glaring at him.

"Zip it, cripple." Murphy snapped.

And that finally got a response from the still unknown Alpha.

"What did you say?" The alpha girl said, the acid in her voice making a cold fist close around
Clarke's throat.

Murphy just walked closer to them with a cocky smirk.

"Oh, the mutt speaks, I thought you would let the omega keep defending you, you sure you are an
alpha?" Murphy said and Clarke watched the alpha girl tighten her jaw as she stepped closer to
Murphy, standing right in front of him. "She wouldn't have been able to do much though, like I
said, she's a worthless cripple."

In a matter of seconds there was a explosion of pheromones that almost drove Clarke and
everyone around her down to their knees, only the pheromones weren't directed at them. The
alpha girl's arm had snapped forward as she grabbed Murphy by the neck and pushed him against
a tree, his feet weren't touching the ground.
Raven watched with surprise, as gentle, caring Lexa was left behind to let, protective, Alpha Lexa
step forwards. She watched as Lexa moved closer to Murphy who was helplessly clawing at
Lexa's hand in a poor try to get her to let go of his neck.

Lexa's face was inches away from Murphy's, her face stone, her lips curled into a snarl as she
tightened her hold on his neck. Raven watched Murphy's friends step forward to try and help her
friend, but they didn't even make it two steps forwards when Lexa's head snapped towards them,
her eyes glowing dangerously and letting out a loud growl that had them snapping their heads to
the side, to show their necks in submission.

Lexa's eyes went slowly back to Murphy.

"I'm gonna ask again, what did you say?" Lexa said lowly, her nose almost touching Murphy's.

"I said that she's a fucking worthless cripple!" Murphy said, going as far as to spit on Lexa's face.

Murphy watched the Alpha close her eyes tightly, her hand tightening painfully around his neck
as she breathed deeply before her pheromones flared again, choking him and hitting him right in
the face, making him whimper in anguish as he was unable to show his neck, he was unable to
submit because of her strong hold on his neck. A scream almost breaks out of his mouth when he
saw her open her eyes again, they were glowing amber, swimming with fury as she snarled at
him, baring sharp canines and breathing harshly. His eyes widened, he had never seen such a
thing before, suddenly he could feel sharpened claws tearing the skin of his neck. He could see it
in her eyes, she was holding herself back, trying very hard not to rip his throat out.

"I'm sorry, I think I heard you wrong." Lexa said, her voice frighteningly smooth and sweet. "I
believe what you meant is that you are a worthless piece of shit and that you are honored to even
be able to breathe the same air as Raven because she's the most amazing omega you have ever
known, she's the most beautiful too." Lexa said, tightening painfully her hold on his neck, making
it almost impossible to breathe. "I understand you had a small lapse and said many things that
don't make any sense, that you didn't really mean, so now you are going to apologize to Raven for
your small lapse and you are going to tell her what you really meant, okay?" Lexa said sweetly in
his ear, letting him go when he frantically nodded.

He fell to his knees at Raven's feet and Lexa grabbed him by the back of his shirt, forcing him to
stand.

"Look at her in the eye and tell her what you really meant." Lexa commanded, keeping her hand
on the back of his neck. He nodded quickly, his eyes slightly wet.

"I'm sorry Raven, I don't know what I was thinking, what I was trying to say is that I'm a
worthless piece of shit and that I'm honored to breathe the same air as you do." Murphy said,
trying to walk away, but Lexa kept him firmly in place.

"What else?" Lexa snapped in a growl, making him whimper again, making him show his neck in
submission.

"You are the most amazing and beautiful omega I have ever known." Murphy said and Lexa
nodded, patting his back.

"Excellent, now you are going to bow your head to her and show her your neck, like a proper
gentleman." Lexa said and Murphy's eyes widened, he was about to say something back, but was
quickly shut up by her burning glare.

With tremendous effort Murphy bowed his head and turned it to the side, showing his neck at
Raven, submitting to her. His eyes watered in shame and fury, in humiliation. Submitting willingly
to an omega was even more humiliating than being forced to submission by another Alpha.

"Well done, it was a pleasure to meet you, I'm sure you will treat Raven with the utmost respect
and kindness next time you see her, right?" Lexa asked, her claws digging slightly on the back of
his neck.

"Yes, of course." Murphy said, finally breathing when she felt the Alpha let him go. He walked
away quickly with his friends, leaving Raven, Lexa, Clarke and the rest of their friends drowning
in tense silence.

Clarke noticed that as soon as the rush of pheromones had come it disappeared, leaving almost no
trace of the very powerful Alpha. It was a great display of control.

Clarke watched her face lose some color as she closed her eyes and sagged gently against the tree
behind her. Raven was quick to get to her side.

"Lex?" She asked, reaching for her friend's hand. Lexa breathed deeply and straightened, when
she opened her eyes they were back to green, her teeth were back to normal as well, and so were
her hands.

"You okay?" Lexa asked Raven worriedly. "Did he upset you?"

"No, I'm okay, he's an asshole." Raven said, looking up at Lexa with concern, she looked very
tired.

"He won't mistreat you again and if he does you should tell me." Lexa said and Raven nodded.

"Are you okay?" Raven asked.

"I think it's better if I go home, maybe this wasn't the right time to meet your friends."

"Okay, we'll go."

"No, no, you stay." Lexa said and Raven frowned. "Please." Lexa gave her the best puppy eyes
she could. "You should spend some time with your friends.

An alpha saying please to an omega, Clarke was astonished.

"Call me when you are done and I'll pick you up, we can play with the pups later, yeah?" Lexa
said, pleading with Raven with her eyes to let her go.

"Okay." Raven said, not at all happy. "Come here, goofy." She told Lexa, opening her arms for
the alpha. Lexa quickly relented and wrapped her arms gently around Raven's waist, sighing
when she felt the omega caress the back of her neck. Raven let Lexa go and watched as her friend
hopped on the longboard, riding away and getting out of sight quickly.

"Fuck!" Jasper said. "That was fucking scary, and super hot!"

Octavia just smacked the back of his head.

....................

"I like the way she defended you," Bellamy said, "he should have had his teeth punched out
though."

They were all siting on the grass, and Lexa had been the topic of conversation since she had left.
They were all siting on the grass, and Lexa had been the topic of conversation since she had left.
Clarke hadn't said much, but she was thinking, listening quietly to what her friends were saying,
holding back an eye roll at Bellamy's comment.

"She looked like he was gonna kill him." Monty said.

"Super hot." Jasper said again and Octavia smacked his head, again.

"That's true though," Octavia relented, "I can help but feel like I know her voice from
somewhere." She said thoughtfully. Raven held back a laugh, if they only knew Lexa was the girl
in the changing room.

"You really need to back off." Raven said and Clarke looked up, knowing she was talking to her.
"If her little display of protectiveness isn't enough to prove how much she cares about me and how
much she respects me I don't know what else she can do to convince you, she didn't deserve all
the shit you gave her."

"You could've gotten hurt, Raven."

"If that happens then it will be my fault, I asked her to carry me on her back, and we have been
practicing, she knows what she's doing." Raven said.

"She shouldn't have agreed to that."

"But she did, cause she knows I'm going crazy like this Clarke, I need the thrill and the rush it
gives me and she gets that, so she wraps me in protective gear and rides with me, it feels awesome
and I won't give it up." Raven insisted, looking at Clarke in the eye.

"If something happens to you..." Clarke trailed off.

"Someone will have to help her because she's the one who will feel worse about it, I'm sure of
that." Raven said and Clarke sighed.

..............

Raven had tried calling Lexa, but the girl didn't pick up, she had no choice but accept a ride from
Bellamy, who dropped her off at her house. Raven stood in the front of her house pondering, until
she decided to go check on Lexa, she used the key hiding under a pot to open the door and make
her way inside, going down to the basement where Lexa's bedroom was located.

The puppies, who had been playing with their toys, all came to greet her, Raven smiled at them
and petted their heads, shushing them so they would keep quiet when she noticed that Lexa was
asleep, dead to the world, laying face down on the bed, her face half buried in her pillow as she
breathed evenly.

"Keep quiet guys," Raven said to the pups, "we don't want to wake up mama." She said, taking
away that toy that made annoying noises before the husky puppy could bite on it. Raven put it
away and settled carefully next to Lexa on the bed, turning on the TV and keeping the volume
low.

Lexa blinked her eyes open to see Raven sitting besides her on the bed, leaning back against the
headrest of the bed with Harley, the Aussie puppy, on her lap.

"Hey," Lexa whispered, her voice raspy with sleep, the corner of her lips tilting up into a smile at
the sight of Raven with the pup. "I see you picked a favorite."

"I got to name her, of course she's my favorite." Raven said, scratching the puppy's head.
"Hey, wasn't I supposed to pick you up?" Lexa asked, pushing herself up on her elbows.

"Yeah, but you weren't picking up so I just got a ride from Bellamy."

"Sorry, I don't really know where my phone is." Lexa said, "I should have thought about that
before telling you to call me, it has to be dead somewhere." Lexa laid back down, obviously not
caring much about her phone. Faya and Gona started whining with the lack of attention they were
getting, Lexa smiled at them and pulled them up and onto the bed, turning to lay on her back and
throwing an arm over her eyes, smiling when she fell a puppy lick her face.

"And you don't care about where your phone is?"

"No, you are the only person I'd need to call, I can just go to your house."

"What about Anya?" Raven asked and a heavy silence followed.

"We don't talk much."

"I've noticed." Raven said, laying down on her side and poking Lexa in the side. "What's
wrong?"

Lexa hesitated a bit before opening her mouth.

"She doesn't know what to do with me, I know I'm not who she expected, I'm not the sister she
was separated from and she knows that." Lexa's voice shook a little and Raven moved her hand
and pressed it against her shoulder in a sign of support. "She is uncomfortable when I'm around,
I've noticed, maybe she regrets this, maybe she regrets bringing me here."

"Don't say that, I know that's not true, this is just an adjustment for her as much as it is for you,
even if you were the little girl she left behind I don't think she would know what to do either, this
takes time and that's okay, but it'll be fine eventually, I'm sure. She loves you Lexa, she worked
really hard to get you back, I've talked to her, she doesn't regret having you here." Raven said and
Lexa looked up at her with vulnerability clear in her eyes.

"She told you that?" Lexa asked and Raven smiled at her.

"Yes, she did." Raven watched Lexa sigh and lay back down.

"Okay."

They watched tv in silence for a while until Lexa's stomach growled and Raven chuckled.

"Let's go up stairs, I'm feeling like cooking today." Raven said and Lexa grabbed her arm before
she could stand.

"No, we can't do that."

"Why the hell not?" Raven asked with a weird expression.

"I don't know if I'm allowed to take food from the kitchen." Lexa said, like it was obvious. Raven
felt like her heart fell into the pit of her stomach. She knew Anya usually wasn't in the house at
lunch time.

"So all this time, you haven't been eating cause you don't know if you can take food from the
kitchen?" Raven asked, feeling her blood bubble with feelings she couldn't describe.
"She gives me food at night and in the mornings, that's enough." Lexa said, she was laying back
like everything was completely normal.

"Lexa, you are hungry right now." Raven said.

"No, I'm not."

"For fucks sake Lexa your stomach just growled!" Raven said, exasperated.

"That doesn't mean anything." Lexa said, Raven's insistence was starting to make her nervous.

"Why didn't you just ask Anya if you could take stuff from the kitchen?" Raven asked.

"I don't know if I'm allowed to ask questions." Lexa said lightly, looking at Raven like she didn't
know what the issue was.

"God Lex," Raven sighed, feeling her eyes water, "come here, goofy." Raven opened her arms,
bringing Lexa close and hugging her tight, the Trikru girl laying on her chest with her arms curled
around Raven's waist.

They parted a little while later and Lexa looked down at Raven with a worried frown, cupping her
cheeks with her hands a brushing away some tears that had escaped Raven's eyes with her
thumbs.

"What's wrong?" Lexa asked, "are you upset about what happened this morning? That guy was
an asshole."

And Raven's heart clenched, it wasn't about that, she was upset for Lexa, for what they had done
to her, for making her feel like she shouldn't speak up, or eat without permission even if she was
obviously starving.

"No, no, it's not about that, I guess I'm just emotional today. Why don't we take the dogs for a
walk? There is a food truck close enough that I know you'll love." Raven said and Lexa frowned,
feeling uncomfortable.

"I don't have any money."

"It's fine, I do and it's cheap," Raven saw in Lexa's face that the girl wasn't thrilled with the idea,
"come on, I have to repay you for defending me and my honor." Raven said giving Lexa a wink.

"You don't have to repay me for that, you are my friend, thats what friends do, right?"

"Yeah, friends buy each other food too. Let's go."

...............

By the time they came back Anya was already home, watching tv in the living room. Raven
grabbed onto Lexa's arm before she could scurry away into the basement.

"Hey Anya,"

"Hello Raven," Anya said smiling at her and then moving her gaze towards Lexa, her eyes
softening at the sight of her sister, "hey kid."

"Anya, if Lexa gets hungry and you are not home, what do you think she should do?" Raven
asked, feeling Lexa tense by her side. Anya frowned at the weird question.
"Eat." Anya said and Raven rolled her eyes.

"Where?"

"There's plenty food in the kitchen."

"So she can take the food whenever she wants?"

"Of course." Anya said, like it was obvious. "What's going on?"

"Nothing!" Raven said quickly, knowing Anya would feel horrible if she knew her sister had
been starving herself just because Anya hadn't told her she could take food from the kitchen. "I
just think you should tell Lexa the rules of the house."

"The rules?" Anya said, making a face, "there aren't any."

"There have to be!" Lexa stepped in and then looked down when she noticed she had spoken
without spoken to. Anya's eyes filled with worry and she looked at Raven not knowing what to
do.

"Does she have to do any chores, or something?"

"Well, a lady usually comes three times a week to clean up, her kid has been pretty sick for the last
couple of weeks so that's why she hasn't come, but she should be back by next week, so no, Lexa
doesn't have to do any chores around the house. She already washes the dishes when we eat and
her room looks fine to me, she has also made sure the house isn't full of dog shit, so that's great
too." Anya said.

"Okay," Raven said, "anything else?"

"I'd be nice if she let me know where she is, I know that when she's out she's probably with you,
but I'd like to know where she is, specially when you go out at night, I'd like to know if she's
coming home late or if she's staying at yours. That's the only thing I can think of." Anya said and
Raven nodded.

"Okay, we'll be in her room." Raven said, pulling Lexa down to the basement.

"See, all you have to do was ask."

"I still don't know if I can ask questions, she didn't say anything about that, her rules are weird."
Lexa said, confused.

"Lex, she didn't say you couldn't, so we have to assume that you can." Raven said, she knew
Lexa could ask Anya whatever she wanted, tell her whatever she wanted, but Lexa was obviously
feeling lost.

"But what if I do and she punishes me? I don't know what kind of punishment she uses." Lexa
said, unconsciously rubbing her left upper arm with her right hand.

"She would probably glare a little, but that's about it, Anya won't hurt you Lex." Raven said,
looking at Lexa in the eye. "I'm sure of that."

Lexa breathed deeply and let it out slowly.

"Okay."

.................
.................

"Hey honey," Jake said, entering his daughter's room and sitting on an armchair close to the bed.
Once upon a time he would have sat right next to her on the bed, but things had changed.

"Hi Dad," Clarke gave him a little smile, comfortable with the distance he had put between them.

"You were quiet today at dinner, did something happen?" Jake asked.

"I met someone today, a new Alpha." Clarke said noticing how her father's pheromones flared
before settling, giving away his concern. "She's new in town, a friend of Raven's."

"Did she do something to upset you?" Jake asked, trying hard to keep his tone calm and
controlled.

"No, not at all, she actually surprised me, I feel like she was being irresponsable with Raven so I
told her off..."

"Clarke," Jake said with a worried frown, "you know you shouldn't do that to an alpha, most of
them don't take it well, not from betas, not from alphas, and not from omegas."

"I know, I know, but what she was doing made me so mad, Raven could have gotten hurt! Bell,
Wells and O were there, I felt protected, I knew they had my back so I felt confident enough to tell
her a thing or two."

"What surprised you?" Jake asked.

"Her lack of reaction, it was like I hadn't spoken to her at all, she didn't get angry about my
outburst, she didn't try to make me submit or to put me in my place, she just took it and said
nothing." Clarke said and knew from her father's frown that he was as confused by the alpha's
reaction as Clarke was.

"She surely isn't from around here, is she?"

"I don't really know. She also defended Raven from Murphy, you know that ass I've told you
about, you should have seen her dad, she got so angry at his insults, she forced him to apologize
and to submit to Raven." Clarke said and Jake's eyebrows almost touched his hairline. "She also
asked Raven to do something, she didn't demand it, or ordered it, she asked, using the proper
words and everything."

Clarke watched her Dad's expression, he was thoughtful, the expression on his face making her a
little uncomfortable as she tapped the mattress of her bed twice, inviting Atlas, her red merle
border collie, onto the bed. The dog instantly jumped onto the bed, curling at her side and licking
her hand for comfort, Clarke caressed his head, the feel of his soft hair under her fingers bringing a
feeling of ease and calmness.

"You have been leaving him behind, you are not supposed to do that." Jake said sternly, the dog
was supposed to help his daughter, it was part of her recovery process and had proven to work for
Clarke, he didn't like to see that his daughter left and the dog stayed at home when it was
supposed to go with her.

"I'll be going back to school this year dad, I'm just trying to see if I can be on my own." Clarke
said, caressing her dog's back.

"You are not supposed to do that, we have already spoken with Thelonious, he knows of your
situation and Atlas is a service dog, he has access to the school." Jake said.
"Do you know how much attention I will get just for bringing him with me? I don't want that."
Clarke said, looking down at her loyal companion.

"The school will be always crowed, people are cruel Clarke and alphas will be alphas, you need
Atlas to do his job in case things go wrong, going to the park with your friends and to buy art
supplies isn't the same environment you will be exposed now, you will take Atlas with you and
that's the end of the discussion." Jake said and Clarke just nodded. "This new Alpha you met, she
might be respectful towards omegas, she might be controlled and calm, but you can't assume that
she's good, not so quickly, people are layered and we never truly know."

"Don't worry dad, I won't make that mistake again, she just surprised me, that's all." Clarke said
and Jake nodded, making sure Clarke had her eyes on him, making sure she was keeping track of
his movements as he moved forwards slowly to kiss her forehead. Clarke was holding tight onto
Atlas' collar.

"Good night, darling." Jake said, turning on the lamp on Clarke night table and switching off the
room's light.

"Good night." Clarke said, cuddling with her dog as she kept her eyes on the lamp's soft light.

"I won't make the same mistake again." She whispered to herself, right before going to sleep.

..........

Lexa checked that she was in the right place before entering the music store, it was open but there
was no one around.

"Hello?" Lexa asked tentatively.

"Be there in a minute!" Someone said.

Lexa walked around the store with bright eyes, it was the biggest music store she had ever been
in, every possible thing music related was there, from instruments to records to cds.

Lexa was about to touch a very expensive guitar when someone tapped her shoulder, making her
heart jump right out of her chest.

"Calm down!" Someone said with a chuckle.

Lexa turned around to see a girl her age, with sandy skin, blue eyes and light brown hair, she had
a shirt that read Sound Paradise on front, the name of the store, and was looking at Lexa with
amusement, a smirk pulling at her lips. Lexa watched the girl take a subtle deep breath, her smile
widening slightly.

"What can i help you with, Alpha?" The girl asked, shoving her hands on the front pockets of her
jeans, squaring her shoulders and looking confident while doing so.

"I came for the job, if it is still available?" Lexa said and the girl nodded.

"You'll have to talk to the boss." The girl said and Lexa nodded.

The girl watched her intently, Lexa noticed, but didn't say anything.

"So, where are you from?" The girl asked, jumping onto one of the amps to sit on it.

"What makes you think I'm not from here?" Lexa asked and the girl buffed.
"This is Arkadia, the capital of Skaikru, this is a rich kid town. Most kids around are rich, or have
rich relatives who take them away to fancy summer vacations, most kids around here don't need a
summer job. Well, not all kids in this town are rich, but most people who live exactly in this part
of the city are. We have been looking for someone to help around here for ages, not many have
come." The girl said and Lexa nodded in understanding. "So, where are you from?"

"I was born Trikru." Lexa said and the girl nodded.

"I have never seen you around before."

"I moved here not long ago." Lexa said and the girl hummed.

"Do you know anything about music, instruments, that kind of stuff? Would you be able to tell a
kid which guitar would be best for their needs?"

"Yeah, I can make some research but I was in the school band for the past three years, my school
had a great music program and I thankfully could learn a lot." Lexa said, her voice flat, her
expressionless face hiding her nervousness.

"Do you know the song that is currently playing?" The girl asked, pointing at the general direction
of the speakers.

"Yeah," Lexa said, "that's bloom by The paper kites, I really like that song."

The girl nodded and turned off the speakers with the remote control, grabbing a guitar and tuning
it by ear before pushing it into Lexa's arms. Lexa grabbed it carefully, looking up at the girl, not
knowing what she was supposed to do.

"Well, go on, play it for me." The girl said and Lexa gave her a nod, leaning back against an amp
and checking the tuning herself before she began playing softly.

The girl smiled when she noticed Lexa knew the song to perfection, grabbing another guitar as
she started playing with her.

Lexa looked up and smiled, her smile widening when the girl started singing.

In the morning when I wake

And the sun is coming through,
Oh, you fill my lungs with sweetness,
And you fill my head with you.

Shall I write it in a letter?

Shall I try to get it down?
Oh, you fill my head with pieces
Of a song I can't get out.

They glanced at each other briefly all through the song, Lexa's eyes moving from her fingers
playing the strings to those of the girl in front of her, she truly had a great voice. Lexa noticed that
the girl kept her eyes closed as she sang, her fingers moving easily, without giving it much
thought.

Can I be close to you?

Ooh-oo-oo-ooh, ooh
Can I be close to you?
Ooh, ooh.
 Can I take you to a moment
Where the fields are painted gold
And the trees are filled with memories
Of the feelings never told?

The girl nudged Lexa's leg insistently with her foot, prompting her to sing with her until Lexa
relented, uncomfortable tension high in her shoulders.

When the evening pulls the sun down,

And the day is almost through,
Oh, the whole world it is sleeping,
But my world is you.

The girl gave Lexa a charming smile, and the tension on her shoulders started loosening, they
sounded good together, almost like they had been playing together for their whole lives.

Can I be close to you?

(Ah) ooh (aah), ooh (aah).
Can I be close to you?
(Ah) ooh (aah), ooh (aah).

The song came to an end and Lexa let out a heavy breath, holding the guitar close to keep herself
from feeling completely exposed and vulnerable.

The girl put the guitar away and walked towards the counter, reaching for a Sound Paradise shirt
and throwing it at Lexa, who caught it expertly.

"See you tomorrow, Alpha." The girl said with her cocky smile firmly in place.

"It's Lexa, Lexa Woods."

"Nice to meet you, Lexa Woods, I'm Hailey," the girl said, her blue eyes hiding a thousand
secrets, "but you can call me Boss."

Chapter End Notes

Thanks for all the comments, the kudos and the subscriptions, it means the world to
me.

Keep the comments coming!

 Present: Poe
Chapter Notes

As stated in the tags this is not lexaven, and it won't be in the future. This work will
have clexa endgame and as pointed out by one of the readers this is gonna be slow
burn.

"Raven," Clarke said, her eyes on her friend. Raven was sitting next to Lexa's hospital bed, her
hand attached to Lexa's, just like the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that.

Raven was staring at Lexa's face, at the bandage wrapped around her head, at the white gauze that
covered the line of stitches on Lexa's cheek; she was trying to look for a part of her skin that
wasn't darkened by bruising, or healing cuts. Clare knew that the hardest part was to see the tube
down Lexa's throat, to know that a machine was breathing for her because she was stuck in an
artificial coma, to know that she wasn't okay, not yet.

"Raven," Clarke said again, swallowing thickly when her friend finally turned to look at her.
Clarke felt a hard squeeze in her gut, Raven looked exhausted and Clarke knew she probably
looked just as bad, none of them had left the hospital much and when one left the other staid,
making sure Lexa wasn't alone at any minute while Anya stayed the night, she was the only one
who could.

"What?" Raven said in harsh tone, her mood was only getting worse with every day
that passed.

"I think you should talk to Hailey, this is the fifth time she goes for a cigarette in the last hour, I
know she smokes, but I've never seen her like this. She was drunk when she got here, the guard
almost kicks her out, you need to talk to her." Clarke said, worried, she had had to drag Hailey to
the cafeteria, giving her coffee and helping her sober up before someone noticed she was awfully
drunk.

"You know how I feel about her, you know what she did to Lexa." Raven said, her eyes dark, her
voice laced with anger.

"I know and I know you can't forgive her for that, but Lexa did." Clarke paused, and let out a
long sigh. "I also know you love the version of Lexa that only Hailey brings out, I know that she
made a mistake, but she's not dealing well with this, you have your dad and you have us, and I
have you guys and my parents, Hailey only had Lexa and I know that she's scared to death, you
know that they shared things that we won't ever be able to understand and that Hailey is
destroying herself right now. You and her, before what Hailey did, you were friends, you were
getting along, so please, talk to her."

"She's strong, she can deal with this." Raven said, looking away from Clarke and back to Lexa.

"Lexa wouldn't want her to deal with this, not on her own."

"Why don't you go?"

"Because you know her better than I do and because you need to fix whatever is wrong between
the two of you, this bad blood between you two was obviously bothering Lexa, she doesn't need
that when she wakes up." Clarke said and Raven nodded, standing up with a sigh and leaning
down to press a soft kiss on Lexa's bandaged forehead, whispering something quietly in her ear
before leaving the room.

.............

Raven found Hailey sitting on a bench right outside the hospital, throwing a cigarette butt to the
floor and taking another out of the pack, lighting it up and taking a long drag. Raven counted the
cigarette butts on the floor, from what she could see, Hailey was in her eleventh one.

"You know that the point of visiting someone at the hospital is being with that person, right?"
Raven said as she sat down, not bothering to look at Hailey.

"I couldn't take one more second in that room." Hailey said as she brought the cigarette back to
her lips, her hand was shaking, and the other one was clenching and unclenching on her thigh,
Raven noticed.

"Then go home."

"No."

"Then stop fucking smoking and go hold her hand or something! You have spent more time
sitting here than with her." Raven said.

"She likes the smell of my perfume mixed with the cigarette smell, she loves it."

"She can't smell it now you idiot, she has a fucking tube shoved down her throat!" Raven took the
cigarette from between Hailey's fingers and threw it to the ground. Hailey didn't react, didn't even
blink, she simply took another one out of the pack and tried to light it up. Raven didn't let her, she
took it and threw it away. Hailey sighed and turned to look at Raven with a blank expression.

"What's the problem, Raven? Do you want one?" Hailey said, playing with her lighter.

"My problem is that my best friend is dying, my problem is that your best friend is dying, my
problem is that our best friend is dying and we are both here, outside, while we should be by her
side, where we are supposed to be."

"Go, no one is stopping you." Hailey said, lightning another cigarette and taking a long drag
before Raven snatched it out of her mouth and threw it away along with her lighter. Her fists
clenched in anger as she looked back at Raven. "What the fuck do you want from me? I smoke,
that's my problem, I want to be here instead of inside, that's my problem, I know you don't give a
shit about me so why don't you fucking stop pretending that you care and go back to Lexa?"

"Because Lexa cares about you, because she fucking forgave you for what you did and has been
giving me puppy dog eyes ever since we fought to fix things with you, because she would want
you to be with her, because she loves you and you love her and I know it was shitty of me to not
call you when this happened."

"Shitty?" Hailey said, turning to look at Raven with icy blue eyes, completely enraged, finally
losing her cool. "You got to talk to her, you got to see her awake, you got to tell her that you
loved her and cared about her and who knows what else while she was still there to hear the
words, while I was at home, going to work and to school as usual, calling her phone an leaving
her stupid voicemails, thinking that she had finally listened to you, that she finally believed that I'm
not worthy of her, that I'm abusive and that I only use her and that I don't fucking care about her,
that I'm just a fucking drunk and that she deserves better than having a fucked up friend like me."
Hailey said and Raven's eyes widened slightly, she remembered telling Lexa those exact words
months ago, when her own relationship with Hailey had gone to shit.

"Can you blame me for saying that? Can you blame me for hating you when Lexa came back
home broken and with her heart bleeding though wounds that you caused? Can you blame me
from saying that now that I can feel the alcohol in your breath, now that she's in that fucking bed,
unconscious and literally broken in pieces and you are just here, smoking, you haven't even asked
what happened, or the extent of her injures, or what sequels she may have if she recovers, you just
sit here, every day, and smoke more and more, you haven't even cried, not even a little bit, and I'm
supposed to believe that you care?"

"So what? I'm supposed to suffer the same way you do, I'm supposed to cry and sob my lungs
out? Haven't you thought that maybe I can't stand to see her like that, that it physically hurts me to
see her like that, that it makes me sick to think about all the surgeries she went through and
everything that's hiding under her gown? Haven't you thought that maybe I haven't cried, not even
a little bit, because I feel that if I start I won't ever stop, because she won't be here to comfort me
and tell me that everything is gonna be fine? Haven't you thought that maybe I'm smoking so
much and drinking so much because I don't know how to deal with this pain, because I feel like
the anxiety is killing me and that I'm going crazy with worry?" Hailey said, angry, her eyes wet as
she looked at Raven, clenching her jaw tight to keep herself from crying. "No, of course you
didn't think of that, because I made one mistake and suddenly I'm the scum of the earth, I'm a
person Raven, I'm not perfect, I make mistakes, and everyday I wish I hadn't make that mistake
with Lexa, but it happened and I can't change it and you are just making all of this worse by
making her choose between us, by blatantly showing your disapproval of our friendship, when
you know damn well that Lexa hates it when you are not happy, or okay with her decisions."

"You hurt her, and I can't ignore that." Raven said.

"She forgave me, I apologized, I asked her to forgive me in every way I could and she forgave
me, why can't you do the same?"

"Because Lexa doesn't know how to protect her heart, she has have it broken many times already
and I don't need you to come and stomp on it with your feet."

"That is something that you can't do for her and no matter what you say, or what you do I'm
gonna be here for as long as Lexa wants me and you won't be able to drive me away, because I do
love her, I do care about her and I do not have to prove my self to you."

"I know." Raven said with a sigh, "that's why you need to drop this, she doesn't need you here,
she needs you there, she needs us both and I will tolerate you presence if that means she will be
happy."

"I can't go there, I can't see her like that, I just..."

"You will have to learn how to take it, she might be like this for who knows how long and you
need to be with her, you need to talk to her and tell her what you would tell her if she could hear
you, just in case."

"She can't die, Raven."

"She won't, the swelling will go down, the intracranial pressure will go away, they will take her
off the meds, they will take that damn tube away and she will wake up and she will be fine."

"But what if she isn't?" Hailey's voice shook, "I wouldn't know what to do, what will I do?"
"She will be fine."

"You promise?" Hailey asked, looking into Raven's eyes.

"Yes, I promise."

....................

For the days that followed things stayed the same, just a little different, Hailey stayed at the room
longer, only taking two cigarette breaks every hour.

Raven talked to Lexa.

Hailey sang to Lexa.

Clarke read to Lexa.

And things stayed that way until the doctors decided that Lexa was healthy enough to be taken off
the meds, something that happened seven days after Lexa had gone through brain surgery. That
day Abby had entered the room with an easy smile, Lexa's chart and most recent tests in hand,
interrupting Clarke in the middle of Jane Eyre to tell them that they would start taking Lexa off the
medicine, off the sedatives and the pain medication, and that it may take her a while to wake up.

Raven didn't talk.

Hailey didn't sing.

And Clarke didn't continue reading.

They all stayed there, watching, waiting, but Lexa didn't wake up. Raven called the nurse multiple
times to ask her why Lexa wasn't waking up and the nurse always said the same, the exact same
thing Clarke had told her when she asked for the first time. Brain injuries are difficult, it might take
the patient a while to bounce back, but she eventually will. Raven had convinced her self of that
fact somewhere between the sixth and the seventh time she had asked the question, Clarke knew
the information by heart, her eyes were dry from reading about traumatic brain injuries, subdural
hematomas and induced comas, and Hailey, Hailey wasn't taking it well. Clarke noticed when she
started pacing the room, when she started tapping her foot against the ground, when her two
cigarette breaks turned into five and then into six in just a couple of hours.

Eventually Raven had to leave, the pain radiating from her leg becoming too much in the
uncomfortable chair she was sitting on, she also had promised Lexa she would take care of the
dogs, and she wouldn't break that promise. She shared a meaningful look with Clarke before
leaving, the same she had shared with her in all the days they had spent together in the hospital
room.

Half an hour passed after Raven left and Clarke was left alone with Hailey.

The girl had been pacing and was now facing a wall, giving her back to Lexa. Clarke noticed that
her hands were shaking and that her posture was extremely stiff, she looked like she was minutes
away from snapping. Clarke put the book she was reading to Lexa down and kept her eyes on
Hailey's back, standing up when the girl started hitting her forehead against the wall, just a little bit
harder with every hit. Clarke grabbed her by the arm and pulled her away from the wall. Hailey
breathed deeply, her whole body shaking as she rubbed one of her eyes with her wrist.

Clarke made her sit down and offered a water bottle, Hailey chugged it all down in a couple of big
gulps, droplets of water dripping down her chin as she moved her blue gaze to Clarke's.
"This is driving me mad Clarke," Hailey whispered, "I feel like the mad hatter, can you imagine
the mad hatter at the tea party, but without the tea? How can you have a tea party without tea? Or
worse, can you imagine the mad hatter without his hat? I feel like I've lost it Clarke, I'm losing it,
what am I even talking about, I haven't even read that book before."

Clarke grabbed Hailey's hand and squeezed gently, trying to ground the girl.

"You haven't read it?" Clarke asked, she knew that was one of Lexa's favorite books.

"No, I'm not good at reading, I get distracted easily, Lexa told me the story, she used to tell me
stories all the time."

"I know, I've read some of the stories she has written." Clarke said with a small smile, "we were
partners in English last year and we are partners in AP English language and composition this
year."

"I understand why Lexa took that AP class, but why did you?" Hailey asked.

"I wanted to be close to her in a way that felt safe to me," Clarke said, "when I met her and she
acted in a way that no other Alpha that I know has acted before, I knew she was different, but
another part of me knew better and was telling me that she was still an alpha, she still had
biological tendencies to be violent and dominant and possessive..." Clarke trailed off and stayed
quiet for a few seconds, lost in thought. "I was scared of her, yes, I was afraid more than anything
else, I was scared of how comfortable I felt around her, how easy it was to forget that she was an
alpha. I didn't want to feel comfortable around her, I didn't want to forget what she was, I couldn't
give her the chance to hurt me, but I couldn't push her away, not completely."

"So you let her in through school, the safest way, with teachers and other students around, in a
way that would make clear to her that you weren't friends, that you were only..."

"Classmates..." Clarke finished for Hailey, nodding.

"She would never hurt you, Clarke." Hailey said. She knew that something really terrible must
have happened to her if she was this distrustful of alphas, this uncomfortable with them. She had
imagined many times what could have happened to Clarke, and she wished deeply that none of
the things she had imagined were true.

"I think I know that, I'm just not there yet." Clarke said and Hailey nodded in understanding,
looking at Lexa from over Clarke's shoulder. A heavy sigh coming out of her mouth in a stutter.

"You know..." Clarke behind, waiting for Hailey's eyes to settle on her again before continuing,
"it's not so bad that she's like this."

"What?"

"You weren't here at the beginning, but she was visibly in a great amount of pain, too many
surgeries, too many broken bones, too many wounds," Clarke said, "being like this, in a coma, is
allowing her to heal, without any pain, she's not suffering at all like this, she will be in pain when
she wakes up, but it will be nowhere as awful as it was at the beginning. I don't know if that will
make you feel any better, but it's the only thing that's been able to comfort me, to know that she's
not in pain, that she's not suffering." Clarke finished and Hailey nodded, standing up and moving
to Lexa's side, reaching for her hand and holding it.

Hailey did nothing else. She held Lexa's hand, she looked at her face, and she kissed her
knuckles, letting her hand rest on the bed before leaving.
Clarke sighed, moving to open the door after Hailey's had closed it and sitting besides Lexa again,
she picked up her book and had a few sips of water before continuing to read, glancing at Lexa's
face after a couple of paragraphs. It was easier to look at her, when she wasn't so heavily
bandaged, and so awfully pale, when they had taken the sedatives and the tube away.

She was in the first few pages of Emma when a voice interrupted her.

"Poe..."

Clarke stopped in her tracks and looked at Lexa, whose face looked just as calm as it had a few
minutes ago, she was still asleep. Clarke rolled her shoulders and cracked her neck, going back to
reading, when a scratchy, hoarse and awfully weak voice interrupted her again.

"Poe..."

Clarke shut her book and stood up quickly, hovering over Lexa, watching her lips quiver slightly
as she tried to form words, her eyelids flickering.

"Clarke." The k clicked as it always did, Clarke's heart lurched up to her throat and her eyes
widened slightly. Hazy green eyes met watery blue. "Poe." Lexa repeated again and Clarke didn't
move her eyes away from her.

"The tales or the poems?" Clarke asked and Lexa's eyes closed briefly, she was very close to
dozing off again.

"You already know that, Clarke." Lexa said slowly, her eyes fluttering open again to meet
Clarke's.

"The poems it is." Clarke said, sitting again and reaching for her bag, trying to look for the right
book while keeping her eyes on Lexa.

"I'll read to you later, okay? I have to get a doctor right now." Clarke said and Lexa gave her a
small nod, her head lolling gently to the side as Clarke pressed her finger repeatedly over the call
button.
 Past: she's everywhere

Past

It was a warm summer morning when Clarke Griffin woke up to see Lexa Woods, the girl who
recklessly carried Raven on her back while longboarding, in her backyard, helping her mother
with her new garden project. Clarke's mouth opened and closed a few times as she watched from
her bedroom window, her mother and Lexa kneeling on the ground, digging, planting seeds. She
watched for what felt like ages, but just a few minutes had passed.

Her dog pressed against her leg and whined, feeling her distress, licking her hand to pull her out of
her thoughts. Clarke swallowed hard and breathed deeply, putting on her robe before walking
down stairs and going to the backyard through the door in the kitchen.

"Mom? Why is she here?" Clarke asked, watching the Alpha girl turn to look at her with slightly
widened eyes.

"Good morning to you too, Clarke, I slept well, thank you for asking, what about you?" Abby
answered, not moving her eyes away from what she was doing. Clarke almost rolled her eyes at
her mother's sarcasm.

"I'm sorry, I was just surprised to see her here." Clarke said, keeping her hand pressed on her
dog's head, feeling highly uncomfortable with the alpha's presence in her home.

"It wasn't planned darling, I was having some trouble unloading the gardening supplies I got from
your father's truck, this nice young lady offered to help me, she offered me her help with the
garden, see all the progress we have made in just a couple of hours?" Abby asked, looking around
her garden and showing her daughter. "I've been asking you to help me with this for a few days
now and you clearly aren't interested, Lexa seemed happy to help and I don't see a problem with
it."

"I think it's better if I go Mrs. Griffin, I don't want to cause trouble." Lexa said, standing up and
brushing away the dirt on her knees.

"Oh honey no, please stay, you have been very kind, why don't you stay for breakfast?"

"There's no need Mrs. Griffin, I do not wish to make Ms. Griffin feel uncomfortable in her own
home."

Clarke was surprised by Lexa's manner of speaking, and by how she handled her body in doing
so, her chin was tilted down, her eyes barely rising to meet her mother's as she spoke. She was
being submissive towards an omega. Clarke didn't know how to feel, but she was scared, she
knew what to expect from alphas, but she was quickly noticing that Lexa couldn't be expected to
act the same way as mosts and that the girl was gonna be in her life, even if she didn't want her to.

"We already talked about it, Lexa, you can call me Abby and I'm sure my daughter would feel
less awkward if you called her by her name as well, right Clarke?" The blonde just nodded in
response. "See? We are on first name basis here."

"I'm sorry Mrs. Griffin, but this isn't something I'm accustomed to, if you don't mind I'd feel more
comfortable by referring to you in the way I am now. This is your home, I owe you respect." Lexa
said, only tilting her head back up when Abby gently put her fingers under her chin and tilted it up
for her, making the young Alpha look at her in the eye.
"I'll accept this, just know that you are making me feel very old and that you can't refuse staying
for breakfast. Clarke will take you to the bathroom so you can wash yourself." Mrs. Griffin said,
walking inside before the girls could say anything else.

Clarke swallowed hard, she would have to take Lexa upstairs by herself. She took comfort on her
dog and on he knowledge that her mother would be in the kitchen if she needed anything.

Lexa looked at her without moving, silently waiting.

"Follow me," Clarke said, her dog's comforting body pressed against her legs, "the bathroom is
upstairs." Lexa gave her a brief nod and walked next to her towards the door that led to the inside
of the house. Clarke noticed that Lexa kept a lot of space between them, another person could
comfortably fit in the hole between their bodies and that alone made some of the tension in
Clarke's shoulders wash away. Lexa reached for the doorknob and held the door open for Clarke
instead of entering herself, the blonde looked up at her, briefly shocked and Lexa just lowered her
gaze, waiting for Clarke to pass.

Abby watched the whole exchange from inside, Lexa's behavior was estrange to her eyes, odd.
She knew that alphas could be very polite, but Lexa's behavior bordered on submissive and that
was something alphas never let themselves be. She also noticed a certain apprehension towards
her, Abby felt like for some reason Lexa didn't feel comfortable with her, even if Abby hadn't
been nothing but polite and kind.

Clarke showed Lexa to the bathroom and then rushed down stairs, to the kitchen, helping her
mother with breakfast.

"I guess this is the girl your father told me about, Raven's friend." Abby said.

"Yeah, I can't believe you sent me upstairs with her."

"We have been working on this for a long time Clarke, I know you don't feel comfortable, but you
won't ever feel that way if you don't try to hang around alphas and I feel like Lexa might be able
to help with that. She's very calm, very respectful, very delicate and not at all possessive or
dominant, I can't barely notice her scent at all." Abby said.

"I don't know, I feel like the way she acts freaks me out more than it comforts me, I don't like not
knowing what to expect."

"Everyone fears the unknown Clarke, but you are much better now, having Atlas has helped a lot
and I think it would be good for your recovery to start opening yourself to spend time with
alphas."

"I have friends who are alphas." Clarke said.

"You mean Bellamy and Wells? Clarke, I know you love those boys to pieces, but you don't let
them get physically close to you and you no longer spend any time with only them, Octavia and
Raven, or Monty and Jasper have to be there. You don't even feel comfortable with being alone at
home with your dad." Abby said, looking down at her daughter with pained eyes. Clarke's eyes
widened, she knew what her mother was saying was the truth.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, honey," Abby said, pulling her daughter into a soft hug. "It will take time, but things
will get better."

They pulled away a few minutes later, when they heard Lexa's steps nearing the kitchen.
..........

"So, Lexa," Abby said, smiling at the girl as they shared breakfast, "why don't you tell us a bit
about yourself?"

"There's not really much to say, Mrs. Griffin." Lexa said, Clarke kept her eyes in her plate.

"Well, you can tell us a bit about your friends, your family, the things you like, the things you
don't like." Abby looked at the nervous girl in front of her and took a sip of her coffee, the tension
on Lexa's shoulders hadn't left since they had sat down on the table.

"Well, I just moved here so I don't have many friends, just Raven and my boss at the music store,
she let's me use the instruments there so I guess that makes us kinda friends too, my parents died
when I was a kid so I bounced in the system for 10 years until now, my sister got custody a few
months ago and that's how I got here. I like reading, writing, music, sports, animals and flowers. I
don't like some classes at school and I really don't like when the weather gets too hot."

Clarke looked up, her eyes widening slightly. Dead parents. Foster system. 10 years.

Clarke knew by the tight clench of her mother's jaw that she was just as affronted by what Lexa
had told them as she was.

"It must have been really nice to see your sister after all these years." Abby said, looking back at
Lexa with empathy in her eyes.

"It is, I'm just happy she got to have a real family and didn't have to go through some of the things
I did. I'm happy she has a man she can call her dad and a woman she can call her aunt and people
she can call siblings and cousins. Everyone thought I'd be adopted quicker than her because I was
younger and Anya wasn't, but I was never adopted and she was in just a couple of years. It's
interesting to see how life plays out sometimes." Lexa said and Clarke felt a hollowness in her
chest she couldn't explain.

"Anya? You mean Anya Woods? Gustus' daughter?" Abby asked.

"Yes, she's Anya Woods-Forrester now, Mr. Forrester let her keep our parents name, do you
know him?"

"Yes, of course. His sister, Indra, works with me at the hospital and he works with one of my
husband's best friends, Marcus Kane, we all are very good friends now, have been for years. They
are playing tennis as we speak, Jake, Marcus, Gustus and Nyko, he's Gustus younger brother and
he's completing his surgical residency at the hospital I work at." Abby said, looking at Lexa with
soft eyes, "Anya is a very nice young woman, very strong minded."

Clarke watched as Lexa nodded at the comment not saying anything else and forcing her mother
to ask another question to keep her conversation going.

"You say you like music, do you play any instruments?"

"I know my way around the guitar and the drums, but I know more about piano than anything
else."

"How did you come to learn so many instruments?"

"I learned how to play the drums from a foster brother in the Plain Riders, he was the biological
son of our foster parents and he saw that I was interested so he taught me all he knew. I learned
how to play the guitar from another foster home, this time from a foster sister, her name was Luna
and she's from Floudonkru. I learnt how to play the piano in my last foster home, in Azgeda, my
foster siblings and I wanted to be out of the house as much as possible so we all took many
extracurricular classes, the only one related to music that had spots available was a piano class, it
had a very strict teacher so people didn't like it, it only had like 5 students and Mr. Keeper said he
saw potential in me so he was harder on me than on anyone else, he kept giving me harder pieces
to play and gave me a small keyboard so I could practice at home. He made me the pianist of the
school's Jazz band by the next year."

Both Clarke and her mother tried to not comment on the fact that Lexa had lived in Azgeda for at
least two years, maybe more, they both knew that Azgeda was basically a war zone and that it
couldn't have been the most pleasant place to live.

"I can't help but notice that you are far from home Lexa, where were you headed?" Abby asked,
she knew where Anya lived and it wasn't by any means close to the Griffin household.

"Oh, I was on my way to the animal rescue shelter when I saw you having difficulty unloading
the truck, I wasn't in a rush so I decided to help a little." Lexa said, shrugging her shoulders.

"You want to adopt?" Abby asked, putting a fork full of eggs in her mouth.

"No, I already have three dogs, I want to volunteer at the animal shelter." Lexa said. "I've always
felt more comfortable around animals than people." Abby laughed at the last comment and the
corner of Clarke's mouth tilted up as she glanced at Atlas, her service dog. "Your border collie is
gorgeous, they are one of the most intelligent breeds."

"His name is Atlas." Clarke provided and Lexa gave her a brief nod.

.......

"See?" Abby said, her arm around Clarke's shoulders, "that didn't go so bad."

Clarke just looked at the small dot in the distance and didn't say anything else.

.......

Clarke walked inside the music store to see one of the employees standing on an amp, playing the
electric guitar and singing loudly to AC/DC.

She looked around the store to see if there was another employee who could help her and found
the back of someone familiar, Lexa's back. Clarke sighed, the girl was everywhere. Clarke refused
to go and talk to her so she started looking around to see if she could find what she was looking
for.

......

Lexa looked up at Hailey, from where she was standing, with amused eyes. Her boss was in a
great mood as always and had gone completely crazy as AC/DC had started playing on the
speakers, jumping on an amp with her electric guitar and playing and singing along.

Lexa heard more than saw someone enter the store and gave a glance over her shoulder,
recognizing Clarke Griffin, a girl that very much disliked her. Lexa put the CDs down and patted
Hailey's leg to get her attention. The girl crouched on the amp to be somewhat close to Lexa's eye
level and continued playing along as she looked at Lexa with her light blue eyes.

"I was having a moment, you know? You better have a damn good reason to ruin it like that."
Hailey said and Lexa looked at Clarke over her shoulder again.

"We have customer." Lexa said and Hailey arched one eyebrow.

"We've had plenty of those and you have handled them nicely, what's different with the blonde?
Do you have a crush on her or something?" Hailey asked, smirking down at Lexa.

"No, she actually hates me." Lexa said and Hailey gave her an unimpressed look. "Maybe it
would be better if you helped her." Hayley gave a short laugh.

"I don't think so, don't be a pussy, go, I know you can handle it" Hailey said, patting Lexa's
shoulder and straightening on the amp, going back to her song.

Lexa sighed and walked towards Clarke, noticing Atlas in his service dog vest standing by her
side.

"Hey Clarke, can I help you?" Lexa asked politely, hearing the blonde let out a sigh.

"I guess, I'm looking for guitar strings, I see plenty here, but I don't know which ones to pick."
Clarke said.

"Well, that depends, what kind of guitar do you have?" Lexa asked.

"An acoustic guitar, dad got it for me years ago, but I've never touched it."

"Okay, look at the guitars over there and tell me which one looks more like yours in terms of
size." Lexa said.

"Does that matter?" Clarke asked, skeptical.

"Yeah, smaller guitars use different strings than bigger guitars, the shape of the guitar, the wood, it
all matters and influences the tone." Lexa said and Clarke nodded, pointing at the guitar that
looked more like her own. Lexa nodded, picked the ones she thought would fit better for Clarke's
guitar and gave them to her.

"My shift will be over soon, I could walk you home and string it for you if you want." Lexa
offered and Clarke tensed, the last thing she wanted to do was walk home alone with Lexa.

"I'm not going home," she lied, Lexa could smell the fear and the apprehension in her scent and
took a step back, knowing that Clarke was lying. "I'm going somewhere else, but you will go help
mom with her garden, right?" Lexa nodded, "you could help me with that then, or I could bring it,
I should have brought it today."

"Okay." Lexa said, Clarke paid for the strings and left.

"See? That went well." Hailey said, helping Lexa stack the CDs. "Why does she hate your guts
after all?"

"We have a mutual friend, Raven, Clarke feels like I treat her carelessly, that I've been
irresponsible and I can't really say I disagree."

"I need you to elaborate, I'm not following." Hailey said, looking at the side of Lexa's face.

"I longboard, Raven gave me the board and she once asked me take her with me, on my back.
She was injured a while ago so her left leg doesn't work as it should, she likes adrenaline and she
likes speed and right now she feels trapped, chained by her own body so I said yes and I'm very
careful and nothing has happened, but I'm always scared to death. I can't tell her I won't do it
anymore, she's always the happiest when we are doing it and I can't take that away." Lexa said,
keeping her eyes on the CDs.

"Getting on your back is Raven's decision, if something ever happens it's no ones fault, its an
accident. However, this is Skaikru, alphas usually don't give a flying fuck about omegas so I can
see where the blonde is coming from, plus the girl is her friend, she believes you will hurt her and
that's understandable too." Hailey said.

"I know, I get it, maybe I should've said no from the beginning." Lexa said, turning her head to
face Hailey.

"You said you've never seen your friend happier, I'm sure you can take an angry omega if it
means you'll friend will be happy." Hailey said and Lexa suddenly noticed something.

"I never told you Raven was an omega." Lexa said and Hailey only smirked in response.

"Her scent is all over you, well, I'm assuming that's Raven's scent." Hailey said arching her
eyebrows.

"Oh, yeah, we sleep together most days so that's why I..." Lexa trailed off when she noticed how
what she had said sounded and surely Hailey was looking at her with a smirk. "No! Wait! I mean,
we just sleep..."

"Chill Alpha," Hailey said with a chuckle, "with how she smells I'd for sure want to just sleep
with her too." Hailey stepped back a little and made a thrusting motion with her hips, making
Lexa go red in response. The omega laughed and walked away, leaving Lexa with a million
images running through her head.

............

Raven frowned when she noticed her pillow was moving.

"Lexa, for the love of god can you please stop moving." The omega whined, moving closer to the
warmth radiating from the alpha's body.

"I have to take the pups for a walk and then I gotta go to the store." Lexa said, staying still with
Raven's head resting on one of her shoulders.

"Remind me why you work in the first place again?" Raven said, clutching the comforter tighter
around their bodies.

"Raven." Lexa said, wiggling under the omega's hold again.

"Ugh, okay, okay." She said, rolling away from Lexa and burying her head in the pillow. "Have a
good day at work honey, I'll care for the kids while you are away." Raven said playfully and Lexa
chuckled, leaning down to kiss Raven's temple before leaving.

"Lex!" Raven shouted from her place on the bed and the Alpha descended the stairs to the
basement again.

"Yeah?"

"There's an alarm of thunderstorm, I don't want you longboarding around in the middle of a
downpour with lightning falling over our heads, okay?"
"I'll be careful, okay?" Lexa said, the pups pulling at their leashes.

"You better."

............

"Hey." Clarke said with surprise, she didn't expect Raven to visit her.

"Hey, Clarke." Raven said with a small smile as Clarke moved away to let her inside.

They sat on Clarke's bed as they usually would, Atlas jumping up to lay his head on Clarke's lap.

"I wanted to say sorry for how I've been treating you for the last few months." Raven said, saying
it exactly as she had rehearsed it with Lexa. "The thing with my leg has been life changing and I
haven't handled it well. I haven't been able to deal with the way you guys have been treating me
and I know it all comes from how much you love me and care about me, but you have been
making me feel worse about my situation, about myself, you have been making me feel like there's
something wrong with me and like I'm unable to do things and I know that there is and that I am,
but I'm still Raven and I'm not fragile, I'm not breakable and even if I do have some restrictions
now, I'm still the same girl I was before the accident, I have the same head and the same heart, and
I really need you guys to see that when you look at me, instead of only looking at my leg, cause
this has driven me to push you away and I don't want to keep doing that, I want you guys in my
life, specially you and O, but I won't be able to do that if you keep treating me like my injury is the
only thing there is about me." Raven finished quickly, breathing deeply and looking at Clarke,
who looked back at her with caring blue eyes.

Clarke reached for Raven's hand and held it tightly.

"I should be the one apologizing, I understand what you are saying and I'm listening, I promise
you I'll do my best to treat you like I did before, I know that I've gotten a little over protective and
I'll do my best to tone it down, but I can't promise you I'll stop worrying, I love you too much to
not worry, will you be okay with that?" Clarke asked, Raven nodded quickly and pulled Clarke
into a hug, they laughed a little and wiped each other's cheeks.

"I'm sure we'll be back to normal soon enough, I'll talk to the rest, let them know how you feel,
okay? Next time talk to us about the way you feel earlier, alright?" Clarke asked and Raven
nodded.

The sky was getting darker, thunder and lighting were rumbling in the sky. Clarke and Raven
were watching a movie in the living room when Raven started getting anxious, big fat water drops
started falling from the sky, fast.

"Lex, where are you?" Raven asked right away, after Lexa picked up the phone.

"On my way home."

"Lexa, its raining already and really fucking hard."

"I know, but I don't have a car Raven, it takes me a while to get to places on the longboard and I
gotta try not to kill myself, I can barely see anything with this rain." Lexa said, she could feel
Raven's anger through the phone.

"Why didn't you stay at the store and how are you speaking to me if you are on your board right
now?" Raven asked.

"It wasn't that dark when I left the store, the clouds formed quickly and I was already a little far. I
have my earbuds, don't worry."

"Did you pass by Clarke's house already?"

"No, I'm a few blocks away." Lexa said.

"I'm here, get your ass here."

"Are you sure Clarke is okay with that?" Lexa asked, unsure.

"Yeah, you must be soaked to the bone by now Lexa, get your ass here." Lexa said, hanging up.

"Is she okay?" Clarke asked tentatively, she knew Lexa was important to Raven and she would
have to be okay with her presence.

"She's outside in this weather." Raven said as she limped towards one of the windows, thunder
cracking, lightning splitting the sky, the trees were moving with the force of the wind, leaves
ripped from their branches as water hit the ground aggressively.

"She's gonna make it here and we'll give her some warm clothes and she's gonna be fine." Clarke
assured Raven, rubbing her shoulder.

Raven nodded and stared at the window, glancing at her watch every five minutes.

When twenty minutes passed and Lexa was still nowhere to be seen, Raven stood up with all the
intention of going out in the middle of the storm to look for her.

"Raven, no, wait!"

"Clarke, you know it can't take this long to get here, something must have happened to her."
Raven said, desperate.

"I know." Clarke swallowed thickly, "if something happened to her, you won't be able to help
her, do you remember what we talked about, this is one of the restrictions, you won't be able to
support her all the way here. I'll go." Clarke said and Raven had to relent.

For the first time in her life Clarke decided to put on the bright yellow raincoat her father had
bought her and that made her feel like a duck, she opened the door and looked back at Raven.

"Do you know which route she takes to get to the store?"

"I'm not sure, the only thing I know is that she always passes by your house, she said it was the
shortest way." Raven said, Clarke nodded and pulled up the hood of her coat, walking out into the
pouring rain, her face getting soaked in a matter of seconds.

She started walking, using the shortest route she knew towards her store, keeping her eye out for
Lexa and surely she found her, only four block away from her house.

Clarke had been looking down, trying to keep the water from her eyes, when she saw the familiar
design she had made on the back of Lexa's longboard, she reached down to pick it up and once
she looked up again she saw a body on the ground, face down. Clarke's heart pounded in her ears
as she watched the pieces of splintered wood all around Lexa, the thick pieces of wood, the thick
branches, and finally the tree that had been struck by lightning.

Clarke rushed to Lexa, kneeling by her side and carefully rolling her on her back, Lexa's limbs fell
limply, her head lolling to the side, her profile specked with black blood, dark droplets quickly
rolling down her face, diluted in rain water.

"Lexa! Lexa! Wake up!" Clarke knew that she wouldn't be able to carry her, she need the girl to
wake up, she patted her cheek gently, worry eating away at her insides as she called her name.
"Lexa! Lexa, wake up" Clarke shook her shoulders and called her name until dazed green eyes
opened to look back at her.

"Clarke?"

"Lexa," Clarke said gently, framing her face with her hands, "I need you to tell me if something
hurts."

"I don't... I don't know?"

"Focus, think for a second, what hurts?" Clarke insisted.

"My back, my knee" Lexa trailed off, thinking, and reaching up to touch her face, Clarke captured
her hand mid way, keeping it from touching the breach on Lexa's eyebrow, pouring black blood
down her face. "My head."

"Okay, I'm gonna help you stand and I want you to lean on me to walk, keep pressure off your
leg, got it?" Clarke said, feeling the rain pounding hard on her back.

For a moment she forgot that Lexa was an alpha, she couldn't smell that distinctive scent, she
could only smell rain, burnt wood and hints of fear and confusion.

Lexa swayed as she stood, Clarke held her upright and noticed right away that she couldn't quite
put pressure on her right leg. She prompted Lexa to wrap an arm around her shoulders, with her
free arm Clarke picked up the longboard and they started walking towards her house as fast as
they could.

"We are almost there." Clarke assured her and the Alpha only nodded a little, trying to keep most
of her weight off Clarke.

The door was thrown open before they could knock and Raven quickly ushered them inside,
giving Clarke a towel and wrapping another around Lexa's shoulders.

Clarke took off the raincoat and stepped out of her boots, drying her face an hair. Raven was
helping Lexa take her soaked clothes off with the intention of leaving them by the entrance of the
house and don't get everything wet.

Clarke watched as more skin was reveled, more scars, there didn't seem to be a part of Lexa that
didn't have some kind of mark, pale lines and bubbled scar tissue covering tight muscle. Lexa was
shaking, shivering in Raven's arms, she had been in the rain for too long.

"Clarke," Raven said, alarmed, "she's bleeding."

"I know, take her to my bathroom, press a towel to her head to stop the bleeding and dry her well,
but don't clothe her yet, I need to check her." Clarke said and Raven nodded, helping Lexa
upstairs.

.................

Raven sat Lexa down on Clarke's toilet, making the Alpha press a small towel to her bleeding
brow while she made sure to dry her body as well as she could.
"Rae." Lexa said, but Raven didn't listen.

"Raven, please, I'm okay, I promise." Lexa said, and the omega looked back at her with angry
eyes.

"You told me you'd be careful and you weren't."

"Rae, this was something I couldn't control, you know that." Lexa said, Raven looked back at her
for a few minutes, the anger was quickly replaced by relief and Raven was leaning in to hug her
friend.

"I'm really happy you are okay."

A minute later Clarke walked in with the first aid kid, she stood in front of Lexa and signaled her
to take the towel away from her face.

"Good, no more blood." Clarke said, proceeding to clean the wound. "It's a small cut, it won't
need stitches."

Thunder rumbled in the sky and a second later a flash of light came from the small bathroom
window. The power went out and suddenly they were left in the darkness, mild light coming from
the window.

Raven gave them more light with her phone and went to get some candles.

Clarke took out her cellphone as well, turned on the flashlight and shined it at Lexa's face, who
closed her eyes at the brightness.

"Do you remember what happened?" Clarke asked as she applied some cream to the bruising
building around Lexa's eyebrow, she had taken a good knock to the head.

"I was on the board, I saw a flash from the corner on my eye and then a hard hit to the back, it
threw me forwards, I guess my face took the fall." Lexa said as Clarke finished.

The blonde shined the light at Lexa's mouth, having seen the corner of it specked with blood, she
carefully tilted Lexa's head up and to the side, the light shinning on her mouth and neck. Clarke's
eyes widened and her heart went to an abrupt stop. There, on Lexa's neck, clear as a day, was a
pale bite mark, it had been deep enough to leave a scar. It was a mating mark. Lexa sensed what
Clarke was looking at, she knew by the slight hitch in her breath, she swallowed hard, acid going
down her throat.

A lonely tear traveled down Lexa's cheek, fell over the edge of her jaw and left a wet track over
the mating mark, it was caught by Clarke's fingertips, who unconsciously, had placed themselves
on Lexa's neck.

"Her name was Costia." Lexa whispered. Clarke's heart broke.

Was. Past tense.

 Present: In the basement
Chapter Notes

The tags have been updated, Implied rape, mentions of rape and non graphic
description of rape have been added. It is just a mention but I know it can be
triggering so the rape mention occurs in the last segment of the chapter. It starts with
"I met Finn during..." and finishes with "she decided to keep talking."

I don't plan on getting graphic on the rape scenes, I personally feel like the story is
dark enough as it is, so even if the rape is important for the story and will be
mentioned, I won't explicitly describe how it happened. I also believe it is a very
sensitive subject and I do not want to offend anyone, I apologize in advance if you
feel offended by this work, I assure you my intention was never to offend you.

I'll be checking the comment section as always to see what you guys are thinking,
feel free to leave your opinion. I know I don't always answer, but I read all of them.

Hope you like the new update.

The next few days passed by slowly, they were hard and they dragged them all with them, making
them all feel like they were crawling. Lexa was awake, yes, but she had just woken up after brain
surgery and she wasn't completely okay.

She was dazed, groggy and mostly unaware with the high doses of pain medication she was on,
every time she moved her head, or that the light got too bothersome she would get dizzy, then
nauseous and then she would vomit.

Lexa couldn't really keep track of the time, of the people that talked to her, she couldn't keep a
conversation going because she would forget what was said, which would result in her repeating
the same things again and again. She also kept switching to trigedasleng without noticing, and she
got upset when Clarke or Raven, or the doctors told her that they couldn't understand, Anya and
Hailey were the only ones who could and who acted as translators whenever it was required.

Lexa was in pain, they could see it, she never said anything, but her face was permanently twisted
into a grimace and in the rare moments she wasn't sleeping they had to watch her and make sure
she wouldn't touch the place where the surgical cut was made, she reached to touch it often.

Things started looking better when the doctors lowered the doses of medication, Lexa slept less,
talked a bit more, but still vomited when she was moved, she was still in pain and because she was
awake, she had more time to be aware of it.

After 7 days in a coma and 5 in recovery Lexa was given the clear to be taken home, doctors and
specialists had been all over her, making sure everything was okay before they finally decided that
she could go home if it was ensured that she would have the special care she needed.

Clarke had called Raven to tell her the good news and her friend had asked her to pick her up. She
had left the hospital with Roan, but the guy was no longer with her and couldn't bring her back to
the hospital. Clarke knew that Raven and Hailey weren't on the best terms, so she was surprised
when the girl stood up, said she would pick up Raven and left.
Clarke was left alone with Lexa, again.

Lexa slept for a few hours, letting the drugs in her system wear off and waking up more lucid and
conscious after her nap.

Lexa's eyes were closed, she was half sitting against some pillows, her head carefully wrapped,
her breathing calm, her pulse echoing in the room thanks to the machine standing by their side.

"You have a question." Lexa said, it was a statement. Clarke nodded. "You can ask."

"I thought you'd like to get some rest." Clarke said, she had noticed right from the moment Lexa
had woken up, that the girl looked at her differently now, colder, wary, untrusting.

"I don't want to sleep right now. Ask." Lexa said, moving her head slowly to look at Clarke.

"I always thought you'd end up with one of them," Clarke said, "with Raven or with Hailey,
Raven even mentioned, a long time ago, early when you had just got here, that you slept with
Hailey regularly, that you first helped her through a heat and then it became a regular thing for
both of you, but you have never dated."

"I have never seen Raven like that, I love her and I care about her more than I can explain, but
there's just nothing romantic there, we sleep together and we cuddle and we hug and we touch,
but it has never felt sexual, there has never been passion, we are just not in love with each other."
Lexa said and Clarke nodded.

"And with Hailey?"

"With Hailey there was always the sexual tension, I would get to the store and she would be
playing the guitar, standing on one of the amps with one of her sleeveless shirts, with her light
brown hair wavy and messy around her shoulders, her eyes shinning with passion, just seeing her
like that, feeling so confident and so powerful in her own skin, feeling like she owned the world
made my gut clench with need. We had sex, lots of it and that's how we got to know each other,
through sex, through music, there are things she understands that no one else can and sometimes
when I look at her I feel like I'm seeing a reflection of myself. We probably could have dated, but
it wouldn't have been right, too much darkness in one place, no balance." Lexa said and Clarke
frowned slightly.

"I feel like there's something else." Clarke said and the corner of Lexa's lips lifted into a small
smile.

"I could never date Hailey or Raven," Lexa said, looking into Clarke's eyes, "because they are
simply in love with each other."

..............

Raven was waiting outside of her house for Clarke to pick her up when she saw Hailey's car pull
over, she cursed under her breath and walked towards the car. She didn't have the chance to get
in, Hailey had gotten out of the car and grabbed Raven's arm, pulling her back towards the house.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Raven said, trying to get out Hailey's hold, but the girl didn't
let her go.

"I'm done with your bullshit so we are going to talk, now!" Hailey said, pulling Raven inside until
they were in her bedroom.
"We have nothing to talk about." Raven said, crossing her arms and looking at Hailey with a
glare.

"You need to stop with all the bullshit, you need to stop saying all the shit you have said about me
and you have to stop trying to turn Lexa against me because is not going to work."

"You hurt Lexa, I'm not just going to stand here and watch as you hurt her-" Raven was saying
but Hailey cut her off.

"Shut the fuck up! Stop lying to yourself, you know perfectly well that you are not mad about
Lexa, you are mad because I hurt you." Hailey said, visibly angry as she got on Raven's face.
"You are so full of shit."

"I'm so full of shit? How can you say that? We were going well, you promised me that you
wouldn't sleep with her again and then she tells me you were fucking each other, you cheated on
me with my best friend." Raven said, her voice rising until she was almost shouting.

"I didn't cheat on you!" Hailey screamed, her face reddening, her eyes filling with tears for a
second before she blinked them away. "I told Lexa to tell you that we were still sleeping
together."

"What?" Raven asked, all the air knocked out of her lungs as she looked at Hailey with a shocked
expression. "Lexa isn't supposed to know about us."

"She knew because I told her, right from the beginning she knew I liked you, that's why she fixed
everything so I would help you with your heat, she asked me about us and I never lied, I told her
that you made me promise that I wouldn't tell anyone about us and she respected it so she played
fool all this time but she always knew, I told her to tell you that we had slept together because I
knew you would get mad at me, that you would pull away, but I haven't slept with her!" Hailey
shouted, her hands shaking.

"Why would you do that?" Raven asked, her face twisted in confusion.

"Because you wanted to get into a part of my life I didn't want you to be part of, you insisted on
meeting my father after I told you time and time again that it wouldn't be a good idea, you just
appeared by my house whenever you wanted to when I told you to always call me first, to always
tell me if you were going to pass by, you weren't listening so I did something that I knew would
make you back off." Hailey said, her voice turning low with anger. "It didn't take you long to get
it on with Roan."

"So you pretend to cheat on me, you lie, you make our best friend lie and I'm suddenly the bad
guy?"

"Yes! Because none of this would have happened if you had listened to me." Hailey said, holding
onto Raven's upper arms, looking into her eyes, trying to make her listen.

"Hailey, you hang out with my friends, you have had dinner with my dad, you spend time here in
my house and you go to school whenever you can to see what I'm working on at the robotics club.
You have even gone with me to the doctor!" Raven said, shrugging away Hailey's hold. "I've let
you into every part of my life, you have become a part of my life for almost as long as Lexa has,
but you haven't let me completely into yours, I don't know anything about your family, or about
how everything is going at school for you, you haven't told me what's your plan for when high
school ends. I have let you in and you haven't, you have kept a wall between us, you have lied,
you broke a promise and you made Lexa lie for you." Raven said an Hailey knew just by the tone
of her voice that the conversation wouldn't end well.
"Raven," Hailey said, reaching for Raven's hand, her heart shattering a bit more when the girl
refused to take it. "Please, don't do this, you know I lo-"

"Don't you dare tell me that." Raven said, closing her eyes to avoid looking into Hailey's sad blue
eyes, "if you will keep the door closed to some parts of your life then I don't want to be part of any
of it."

"Raven, no, Raven I-"

"I'll make things easy for you, I'll fucking stay out of your life." Raven said, her voice dripping
with pain and anger. "We are over."

Raven watched Hailey's blue eyes flood with unshed tears, only one escaping the tight grip Hailey
had on her emotions, leaving a wet track on her cheek before Hailey wiped it away.

"Are you gonna take me to the hospital or not?" Raven asked and Hailey simply moved away,
letting Raven pass by her side, down stairs and out of the house.

In auto pilot Hailey opened the car door for Raven and then sat on the driver seat, starting the car
and driving away.

It was the first time that there was silence between them, or at least in the car. Hailey was always
listening to music, or singing, or humming to herself. The silence clung onto Raven's bones like a
pile of rubble and she kept herself from looking at the omega sitting next to her.

They got to the hospital and Raven watched Hailey move to exit the car.

"You don't have to open the door for me, I can do it on my own." Raven said and Hailey fell back
against her seat, buckling up again and keeping her hands on the wheel.

Raven got out of the car and leaned down to look at Hailey for the first time since they had left her
house.

"Aren't you going to see Lexa?"

Hailey only shook her head and kept her eyes fixed to the front, Raven's heart twisted in her chest,
feeling sick to her stomach just by the distressed and deeply pained scent that poured out of the
omega in front of her in waves.

"Ok." Raven didn't say anything else, she closed the car door and left.

...............

"They are in love with each other?" Clarke asked, thinking about them, about Raven and Hailey,
together, it made sense.

"Does Raven know about Hailey's dad?" Clarke asked and Lexa closed her eyes, muttering a soft
no.

"No, Hailey wants to protect her, she knows that Raven wouldn't understand her situation, that
she would get in the way and things would end poorly. Raven would probably react the same way
you did, except she wouldn't have seen reason." Lexa said.

"I know Hailey's situation hurts you more than anyone," Clarke said, tentatively placing her hand
atop Lexa's, not holding it, just letting it rest there, it was the most she was capable of doing. Lexa
didn't move away. "Just a few more months, just until she turns 18. She will be legally an adult,
she will have custody of her sister, they won't be separated and thrown into the system."

"Yes, Hailey has taken two long years of abuse just so her sister and her wouldn't be thrown into
the system and believe me Clarke, there's nothing worse, you are no longer a person, just a
number, a file, something to get over with." Lexa said, her face twisting in disgust.

"I haven't said anything and I won't, the last thing I want is that Hailey's sister ends up bouncing in
the system until she turns 18." Clarke said and Lexa gave her a brief nod.

The alpha quietly asked Clarke to push the button that would allow her to be laying down, Clarke
did so and allowed a few minutes of silence to pass before she spoke again.

"I want to apologize for what I did to you," Clarke said and Lexa turned to look at her with heavy
lidded eyes, "for defending Bellamy, it was wrong, what he did to you is a monstrosity and I can't
even..." Clarke trailed off, breathing deeply to keep her feelings in check. "All this time I've been
trying to justify my actions, why I defended him, but it doesn't really matter, it was wrong and I
want you to know I'm really sorry for that."

"Your reasons do matter," Lexa said, "it makes understanding easier. They told you something
about someone you love, something that doesn't fit with your perception of them so you think it
must be wrong. It did hurt, but I do understand and I appreciate your apology."

"I think there are some things you need to know about that, about Bellamy and the whole
incident." Clarke said and Lexa nodded. "The police didn't have any trouble finding Bellamy, he
gave himself up, he accepted what he did to you and he told them that he did what he did because
he was defending me, when everything that happened that night came to light it became evident
that you weren't guilty of anything and that Bellamy had been violent and had assaulted you.
Anya, as your sister and your legal guardian made sure that all the weight of the law fell on him,
Bellamy was charged with aggravated battery and was found guilty, because of the severity of his
crime his lawyers weren't able to just bail him out, or to get him out under a fine. He will be taken
to a Juvenile detention center for a year, until he turns 18 and after that he will have to do social
work as part of his sentence for four years. They went easy on him because he has a clean record
and because he always seemed to be a promising student and athlete, also because his lawyers
claimed that some of your worst injuries could have been caused by the fight you were involved in
before seeing Bellamy." Clarke said, looking down at the IV stuck in Lexa and letting her finger
run slightly over the tape keeping it in place.

"I don't care what happens to him." Lexa said, closing her eyes, her temples were pulsing in pain
and their brief conversations had already tired her out.

"I just thought you should know, everything happened very quickly with the pressure Gustus put
to get the trial happen, Anya is very upset, very angry, she wasn't happy with how things turned
out." Clarke said and Lexa muttered a soft okay.

"There's something else you should know," Clarke said and Lexa opened her eyes at the sadness
in Clarke's tone. "It's about Octavia."

"What's wrong with O?" Lexa asked, worried about her friend.

"She saw Bellamy... she saw him push you down the stairs, as did Raven, O lied to the police
about it, she lied to me about it, she told us you had fallen." Clarke said, watching Lexa's face
contort in pain, her eyes getting misty with tears, Clarke almost felt sorry for telling her, but Lexa
needed to know. "She made everyone believe it had been an accident, she and Raven were the
ones who found you so they were questioned after you told the police what happened, the stories
didn't match so they had to find out who was lying, Raven's testimony and your medical report
settled it. O was charged with obstruction of justice for cleaning the blood from my room and for
lying to the police."

"She was taken away?"

"No, her record was clean and her lawyers told the judge and the jury that she did it to protect her
brother, her family, they had sympathy I guess." Clarke said, seeing how Lexa visibly clenched
her jaw. "They let her go with a fine and social work. She's not okay with what happened, with
what she did..."

"You should be with her." Lexa said and Clarke looked up at her.

"I'm right where I'm supposed to be."

Raven entered the room a few minutes later and Clarke felt it was best to give them some time
alone.

.........

Raven sat on the edge of Lexa's bed, moving her hand to cup the side of her face, her fingers
lightly touching the white bandages. Tears filled Raven's eyes at the sight of her friend, awake,
brilliant green dulled just slightly by exhaustion and medications.

"Hey goofy." Raven said fondly. "How are you feeling?"

"I missed you," Lexa said and her eyes watered as she leaned her head against Raven's warm
touch.

"I was here all along, I never left your side, just to check on the pups."

"I want to be with them, I want to go home." Lexa said, tears rolling down her temples and getting
lost in her hair.

"You are going home, you are doing well." Raven said with a small smile, trying to make her
friend feel better.

"It doesn't feel like that, just turning to look at you made me nauseous, my body aches and feels
heavy, I don't think I can sit up on my own, my arm and my ribs will take so long to heal, I was
cut open everywhere, there is a scar splitting my abdomen in two." Lexa said, visibly upset and
Raven's heart squeezed in her chest. She carefully moved into bed next to Lexa and moved her
face close to hers.

"Things will change, they will continue to get better, you will have some therapy and in a while
your body will feel as it used to again." Raven whispered, caressing gently Lexa's good arm.

"I want to go home."

"I know goofy, I know, you will go home soon, I promise."

...........

That night Lexa was carefully moved back to her home, the dogs were carefully restrained by
Clarke and Raven as Anya settled Lexa on her bed, the last thing they wanted was to have the
three dogs hurt Lexa. They only let them move when they had calmed down and were sitting
down like little soldiers besides Lexa's bed, whimpering and wagging their tails until Lexa ordered
them to get on the bed, they shuffled around her and licked her cheeks as Lexa petted them with
her good arm, looking happy for the first time with her dogs around, the three laying around her
on the bed. Lexa took her medication and went to sleep while Anya told Raven and Clarke to
meet her in the living room.

They sat down facing each other on the dinning table and Anya looked at the two girls with stern
eyes.

"You both have been missing school a lot since Lexa was admitted to the hospital and that can't
keep happening." Anya said, and started talking once again before Raven interrupted. "I know
that this is Arkadia, the most technological city on the 13 clans and all that bullshit, I know that
your teachers have been sending you your homework and the lessons taken in class and
everything else, I know that you were doing your assignments from the hospital and that you are
not too behind in school, but this can't keep going, you are supposed to go to school and you
won't stay here, studying from your computers for the rest of the semester, I know you both have
extracurricular classes that can't be taken from the computers and you will go back to them. It's not
up for discussion."

"You work all day, who is going to take care of Lexa?" Raven interrupted, her voice laced with
anger.

"I have spoken with my boss about my current situation, I haven't taken vacations in a very long
time, I didn't have any reason to so I left everything ready at work and my vacations will officially
start next week. I will take care of my sister." Anya said. "You can come see her after school, after
you have gone to your extracurricular classes and done your homework, this is your junior year
you can't afford your grades to drop."

"But won't you need some help?" Clarke asked.

"Thanks to Lexa's prolonged stay in the hospital most of her surgical wounds are tender but
closed, the most recent ones, the ones in her head will be taken care of by a friend of mine, she's a
nurse and she agreed to come twice a day to change Lexa's bandages and keep everything clean."
Anya said. "I've also spoken with Hailey, she told me a bit about her school situation and she will
be here to keep Lexa company for a few hours most mornings."

Raven kept herself from saying anything.

"She's sleeping now, so I think you all should go home, get some rest." Anya said, and continued
talking before Raven could interrupt. "You live across the street Raven, if Lexa needs you I'll
come get you myself."

Raven sighed and stood up, Clarke following closely behind as they made their way outside.

................

Lexa was woken up by a cold nose that pressed against her cheek, she opened her eyes to see
Gona, the German shepherd hovering over her, his tail waggling wildly.

"I can't play with you right now boy," Lexa whispered, caressing the top of his head with her
good hand, "my ribs" Lexa said, moving her hand to place it against the dog's ribs, "they were
broken and now they are healing and they hurt when I move." The dog whimpered a little like he
understood what Lexa was saying and laid next to her instead, pressing his head against the side
of her shoulder. "You should go play in the backyard, I'm sure Faya and Harley will want to play
too." The dog let out a whine, ears moving and stayed right where it was.

"I'll ask someone to take you guys out for a walk, okay?" Lexa said and with her hand buried in
soft fur she dozed off again.

............

A little while later Lexa was woken up by a pounding headache, she grimaced and opened her
eyes slowly, her room was pleasantly dark, he only light on was the one placed on her desk,
illuminating a girl with blonde hair and charcoal in hand, she had her brow furrowed in focus as
her hands moved over paper. Clarke.

"You don't have to come visit." Lexa said and her voice seemed to startle Clarke because her hand
made a very sharp movement over the paper and she cursed, a shadow moved by her feet and
Atlas was standing by Clarke's side in an instant, the border collie pressed it's head against
Clarke's leg and the blonde looked down at him, petting him before looking up at Lexa.

"I want to." Clarke said, looking into Lexa's green eyes for a few long seconds before looking
down at her work.

"If you are doing this because you feel guilty you should leave." Lexa said, her tone sharp, her
head pulsing behind her eyes, Clarke looked up at her again, blue eyes soft.

"I'm doing this because I'm thankful." Clarke said watching Lexa's eyes widening slightly in
surprise.

Clarke buried her hand in her dog's fur, grounding herself as she looked at Lexa from her place on
the desk.

"I know what would have happened to me if you hadn't stopped Finn and I don't think I would
have been able to get over that kind of trauma, not again." Clarke paused, avoiding to look at
Lexa. Her heart was already beating hard in her chest and she felt the disgust and he repulsion
make her stomach roll. "I'm still not completely recovered from the last time it happened."

Clarke breathed in deeply and moved her eyes to her dog's face, the animal was feeling her
distress and was tightly pressed against her legs, keeping her tied to reality, keeping her calm.

"I met Finn during the summer before freshman year of high school at a party Lincoln's brother
was throwing, at the time Lincoln already liked O and wanted to impress her so he told her about
his brother's party and told her she could bring some of her friends. Lincoln's brother was a senior
so most of the people at the party were 18 or older, except us, we were just 15, just kids, excited
for being at the big kids party. I met him there, he wasn't really a friend of Lincoln's brother, but
one of the many people there had invited him. He asked me to dance and I did, he flirted with me
and made me laugh and acted like the most charming boy ever. At the end of the night he took me
home and asked for my number, we met almost every day after that, we started kissing and
making out and dating and I really liked him, but by the time a month passed he started getting
more insistent, more pushy, he started touching me in places I didn't want him to touch, I would
tell him no and he would get angry, but I wouldn't give in. One day he got specially mad, we had
been kissing and I knew he was getting turned on so I pulled back and told him once again that I
wasn't ready, he got angry, he was frustrated because I wouldn't give him what he wanted, I had
been pushing him away for almost three weeks and he just wouldn't stop pushing for the same and
even if it made me uncomfortable I didn't break up with him. That day he left and that same night
he called, he said there was party and that he wanted me to go with him and I did. He probably
slipped something in my drink because next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital, the
doctor explained that I had been drugged and sexually abused by more than one men, all of them
alphas. They had all left their scents, their bites and the prints of their hands marked on me. I
haven't been able to remember what happened that night, not completely, it comes to me in dreams
and flashes. And even if I can't remember it all, even if I only have pieces, I have been completely
repulsed and scared of alphas ever since, that smell that they all posses that makes them so
distinctive, it makes my stomach roll, makes my skin crawl, makes me want to hide in my room
and never leave. The way they talk and act and move, I might not have all the memories, but
something in me remembers and it makes me pull away." Clarke stopped for a breath and looked
up at Lexa, feeling her breath rush out of her lungs when she saw the alphas eyes shinning with
unshed tears. The expression on Lexa's face was a clear mix of anger, horror and sadness, and
Clarke really didn't know what to do about it so she decided to keep talking.

"My parents decided not to send me to school for my freshman year, I couldn't really go, just
having an unknown Alpha near me would be the cause of panic, so I stayed home, having
medication and going regularly to therapy and to centers of help for people who have been
through the same things that I have, getting a service dog was one of the first things my therapist
recommended, it is expensive though and it took me around six months to get Atlas, things got a
lot better with him, he helps me with my panic attacks, or when I start getting too anxious, or
nervous, or when I'm falling into a flash back, he helps with my nightmares too, so with him and
with the medication and the therapy I finally felt like I was getting better, being around my dad
and Bellamy and Wells was easier and I started feeling normal again, I was okay as long as any
new or unfamiliar alphas stayed away from me."

"And then I came and messed it up." Lexa said, looking away from Clarke.

"You didn't mess it up, you were just everywhere, all of a sudden and I didn't know how to
handle it, you were at school, at home, at Raven's, at the park and it made me uncomfortable. You
were different, I could tell from the moment we met, you smelled like an alpha, but you kept your
pheromones so in control I could barely smell you, so you didn't repulse me as much as I would
have wanted to, you were kind and gentle and you kept your distance without making it weird,
you just did it all on your own without me having to tell you to back of. You were nice and you
made me feel comfortable and I could only think about how he had made me feel the same way
before he messed me up." Clarke shook her head and gathered up the courage to stand up and sit
next to Lexa. "I was scared of you because how good you made me feel, how nice and
comfortable, because he was like that at the beginning and he broke me." Tears started pouring
down Clarke's cheeks and she had to move her eyes away from Lexa. "I know you are not him, I
know you wouldn't hurt me, but I can't help the way I feel when you move too close, or when
your pheromones flare, or when you reach out to touch me. I've been getting better, but I'm not
there yet, this is not really about you, it's about me and I'm sorry you are being affected by it. I'm
sorry for all of this, for you getting hurt, for Bellamy, for how I pushed you away-"

"Clarke, Clarke," Lexa said, her voice deeply pained as she closed her eyes tightly. "Please, you
don't have to say anything else. I understand things better now, this doesn't change how much it
hurt me to be pushed away, but I understand it now, you were just trying to protect yourself and I
can't hold that against you. I just wish you had told me sooner, I would have given you more
space, I wouldn't have gone to your house as often as I did, I wouldn't have insisted on spending
time alone with you, I would have done things differently."

"No, Lexa." Clarke said, shaking her head and putting her hand lightly on top of Lexa's. "This is
not on you, I can't continue living like this, I can't expect everybody around me to accommodate
to my situation, I have to heal and move on. It's taking me a long time to do that, but I'm better
now and I intend to get even better."

"You really don't have to be here." Lexa said and Clarke gave her a half smile.

"I know, but I want to, and I think it is good for the both of us."

"Yeah? How?" Lexa asked.

"Being in a room alone with an Alpha is good practice for me and in the mean time I can make
sure you don't die in your sleep or slip into a coma." Clarke said, the tension in her shoulders
fading away when she saw Lexa smile just slightly.

"Well, I guess that's pretty convenient." Lexa said and tried to lay down on her own, grimacing
seconds later, her ribs and her head protesting, she only had one arm available and she couldn't do
much with it.

Clarke moved her arms around Lexa's back to support her and take the strain off her ribs, the close
proximity to Lexa made a shiver shoot down her back and she held her breath, laying Lexa down
gently, being extra careful with her head.

When she looked at Lexa again the girl had her eyes closed.

"You okay?" Clarke asked.

"I don't want to move ever again." Lexa murmured, trying to keep from vomiting.

Clarke went to the bathroom and soaked a cotton ball in alcohol, putting it lightly under Lexa's
nose.

"Breathe deeply." Clarke said and Lexa did as told, her face relaxing after a few deep breaths.
"Better?"

"Yeah, thanks."

"Try to sleep a bit, that's the best way to heal." Clarke said, putting the blanket up to Lexa's
shoulders. "Raven won't like it if you are asleep when she comes so you better sleep while you
can."

"I think she knows." Lexa whispered and Clarke's eyes widened a little.

"About Hailey's dad?"

"No, that's our secret." Lexa said. "I think that she knows I wasn't sleeping with Hailey."

Clarke tilted her head to the side, not really following.

"And that's a bad thing because...?"

"Because I told her I was." Lexa said and Clarke's widened a little.

"But didn't you just told me that they have something going on."

"Yes, but Raven started showing up at Hailey's whenever she felt like it, do you know how
dangerous that is, for them both? Hailey's dad almost kills her when he found that she was
sleeping with another omega."

"So you told her that you were still sleeping with Hailey so that she would think Hailey was
cheating and what? Break up with her?" Clarke asked.

"Yes, but there's something off, I shouldn't even know about their relationship. I think Hailey told
her everything." Lexa said.

"Why would she?"

"She loves Raven, she wasn't taking her hate well. I told Hailey I didn't want to be in the middle
of it any longer." Lexa said. "She must have told her everything, I can feel it."

"Raven doesn't seem mad at you." Clarke said with a tentative shrug. Lexa's eyes widened s little.

"Hailey must have told her it was her idea."

"What?" Clarke asked, feeling lost again.

"Hailey must have told Raven that it was her idea to lie about cheating, to tell her that we slept
together." Lexa said and Clarke's voice raised in response.

"And it wasn't?!"

"No, it was my idea. I had just come from Hailey's house, I knew for a fact her dad was there,
Raven wanted me to take her to Hailey's and I couldn't let her because he knows her scent, he
would know she's the omega sleeping with his daughter, I tried many things to keep her from
going but Raven wasn't having it, she didn't stop insisting until I blurted out something about
Hailey being completely exhausted after I... you know. I told her that, it was my lie, Hailey didn't
even know about it." Lexa said.

"Fuck." Clarke cursed, sitting down besides Lexa again, everything was a big mess. "Why would
Hailey take the blame for you?"

"I don't know, but if Raven isn't angry at me, Hailey must have taken the fall for me." Lexa said,
sighing. "I haven't heard of her recently, can you go see her for me?" Lexa asked and Clarke
nodded.

"Hailey is stronger than all of us put together, I'm sure she's okay." Clarke said and Lexa sighed
again.

"Thanks, Clarke."

The blonde nodded in response, walking out of the room with her dog at her side.
 Past: -1 (Edited)
Chapter Notes

Warning: there is a sex scene in the third section of this chapter it begins with "it
happened" and finishes entirely where it says something along the lines of "she felt it
as soon as she got out of the car"

I apologize for not putting a warning for this before.

***The sex scene was edited, hopefully it is less gross than before. The cues still
apply***

"Her name was Costia." Lexa had said and a tear had slipped down her cheek, leaving a wet track
shinning against the faded mating mark.

Clarke felt her stomach turn into knot at the deeply pained scent that gently, softly, barely
noticeably started pouring out of Lexa's pores. She knew she shouldn't ask, so she didn't.

"I'm sorry," Clarke said, looking into Lexa's eyes without fear or apprehension for the first time.
The corner of Lexa's mouth gently tilted upwards, she couldn't detect nothing but honesty in
Clarke's gaze, no pity, just a pain, similar to Lexa's own, that wasn't necessarily understanding,
just sympathy.

"Me too." Lexa whispered. She stayed silent as Clarke wiped away the blood on her lip.

"You were lucky, at this time of the year we have many storms like this, most people prefer to
spend the summer somewhere else. The lightning have killed and hurt quite a few people." Clarke
said, it wasn't something unusual to happen in Arkadia.

"Better the tree than me, I guess." Lexa said and Clarke nodded, finishing up and leaving to get
Lexa some clothes, while Raven came back and filled the bathroom with candles.

After a few minutes they were all back in the living room, the storm kept thundering outside as
they sat close together. Lexa was sitting next to Raven, getting warm and cozy with the clothes
and blankets Clarke had provided for her. It didn't take her long to rest her head on Raven's
shoulder and fall asleep.

When she woke up again it was still raining, she breathed deeply and buried her face deeper
against Raven's shoulder.

"How are you feeling?" Raven asked quietly.

"I'm okay." Lexa responded, her head and her knee were just throbbing a little.

"Lay down on my lap." Raven said, "you'll be more comfortable that way."

"Can I do that?" Lexa asked, sleepy green eyes looking up at Raven.

"Yes, I'm telling you to."

"But can I put my feet up on the sofa?" Lexa insisted, moving her head to give a glance in
Clarke's direction. The blonde was asleep, her dog was next to her with it's head on her thigh.

"Yes, it's fine." Lexa nodded and stretched on the sofa, resting her head on a pillow on top of
Raven's legs.

Raven gently caressed her hair until she was back asleep.

They woke up a few hours later, Clarke had made them some food. They got to watch a movie on
Clarke's laptop until it died and after that Lexa watched as Raven and Clarke played a game of
chess. It kept raining and the power didn't come back.

The morning after there was still no power, but the rain had stopped. Clarke walked quietly
towards Lexa and Raven who were still asleep and pressed a hand on Lexa's forehead gently,
checking that she hadn't caught a fever because of the rain. The Alpha let out a sigh in her sleep,
but otherwise remained unperturbed, she was okay. Clarke could see just a fraction of the mating
mark on her neck and felt her heart constrict a little on her chest. She looked for her phone,
checked that there was signal and called her mom.

............

Anya wrapped an arm around Lexa's shoulders and pulled her in for a hug as soon as she saw her
enter the house. The Alpha was surprised by the affection, stiffening before she finally relaxed and
let herself fall into her sister's strong arms.

"You okay?" Anya asked, her hand secure on the back of Lexa's head.

"Yes, just a bit bruised that's all."

Anya ignored Lexa's comment and moved her intense gaze towards Raven.

"Clarke checked her, you know she knows medical stuff, she took care of it." Raven assured her
and Anya pulled back to examine Lexa's face closely, the little cuts looked well and on their way
to healing.

"Did she say anything else?"

"She gave me an ointment for my knee, but I'm fine, really. How did the pups do with the storm?"
Lexa asked, hearing the scuffle of paws as her pups came running at her from the living room,
barking with wagging tails and jumping against her legs. Lexa smiled and sat on the floor,
instantly attacked by wet tongues.

"They did better than I expected, they didn't seem to be scared. I believe the whining was because
you weren't here." Anya said and Lexa smiled, going to her room with three furry friends right
behind her.

.............

It happened. They didn't plan it and they didn't expect it, but it happened.

Lexa had gone to the store as she did every morning and found the sign outside shining 'closed'
and not 'open' like it usually did. Hailey's car was outside though, so her boss should be inside.
Lexa thought she must have forgotten to open up front and walked to the back of the store, using
the hidden key to open and enter. The scent that greeted her almost drove her to her knees. It was
that of an omega in heat. Of Hailey in heat.
Lexa's mouth watered instantly and a very painful throb developed in her pants, she tried to
restrain herself, but a hazy fog had developed in her mind and she found herself walking towards
the source of the smell. She walked up the stairs that led to an apartment on the second floor, the
door was open, the scent of the heat was strong, pungent in the air. The omega was calling for
release, she was calling for an Alpha. Lexa shook her head to try to clear her thoughts, but it was
to no avail. She could hear her from where she was, Hailey was panting, gasping, whimpers and
moans were deafening the air and Lexa couldn't help but walk further in, until the bed came on
sight.

Every single part of Lexa's body clenched to keep her still and frozen on the spot.

Lexa's cock was throbbing painfully, the Alpha knew she was more than ready, she knew there
was pre cum already slipping down her slit, but she still avoided breathing in and took a step back,
even if her body felt like it was breaking apart. Her eyes were locked on Hailey's cunt and when
Lexa finally was able to tear her eyes off the sight, her eyes met Hailey's. The blue in her eyes was
almost gone with her blown pupils, her cheeks were rosy with color, her forehead pearled with
smalls beads of sweat, long strands of light brunette hair strewn around her. She was beautiful,
and the fact that Lexa had already considered her more than a little attractive didn't help. Lexa felt
like her cock was breaking, she took another step back. Hailey wasn't pleased. She had planned to
spend her heat alone, locked away in her apartment, but she was miserable, almost mad with the
pain of her denied pleasure, she wouldn't let Lexa go.

"Take your clothes off," she said between panting breaths. It was an order, Lexa couldn't be any
more turned on than she already was. "Come here and fuck me." Lexa couldn't deny.

Hailey watched her strip. Her jacket and shirt fell away first, letting show lightly muscled arms
and abs that seemed to have been carved with a knife. She took off her bra next and Hailey's
mouth watered at the sight of tight, stiff, darkened nipples. Pants and boxers disappeared in one go
and a long, thick cock stood proudly, making her cunt throb and flutter harder, aching to take it in.

If the circumstances were different Lexa would have taken the time to make Hailey cum in her
mouth first, then around her fingers and then around her cock, time and time again, but none of
them could wait that long, she crawled onto the bed, picked Hailey up with her strong arms and
threw her against the pillows, she grabbed her legs and folded them around her shoulders, she
lowered her body against Hailey's, her skin catching fire as soon as it touched the omega's, and
she looked into her eyes, giving her one last chance to deny. Hailey pulled her into a hard,
bruising kiss, that was only tongue and teeth instead. Lexa knew her answer then and without a
second thought she trusted in, hard. She heard the slap of her hips against the back of Hailey's
thighs, she felt her cock as it was engulfed by hot, wet, velvety walls, she felt Hailey's nails as
they left marks of fire down her back. She barely heard herself grunt, but she felt her cock throb
with Hailey's scream.

She thrusted fast and hard, drunk in her pleasure, feeling Hailey's hips rise up to meet her and
trying to rein her own desire in, to not use the omega's body for her own pleasure, she slowed
down, calming the strength of her thrusts until Hailey tangled a hand in her braids and forced her
to look into blue eyes.

"Don't think, don't hold back." Hailey said, writhing in pleasure as she pushed Lexa to let go of
the last ounce of self control she had left. Her moans turned into cries as Lexa changed the angle
of her thrust, feeling how the thick head of her cock brushed against that spot on her front wall
time and time again.

Their bodies, tangled and pressed close, moved as one. Lexa caught Hailey's lips with her own,
holding herself up with one arm as she used the other one to lower Hailey's legs against the bed
and hold one soft breast in her hand, rolling a perfect pink nipple between her fingers as she
dragged her teeth over a plump bottom lip until she drew blood, the taste of iron in her tongue
making her moan in pleasure.

Their breaths mixed together as they panted against each other's mouths, Hailey's hands dragging
down Lexa's back, touching scars on the way to Lexa's round ass, sinking her nails into her butt
cheeks and pulling her down to push her to thrust even faster, feeling Lexa suck and leave open
mouthed kisses on her neck, brushing the skin, gums aching and teeth sharpening, ready to bite.

With a sharp tug on Lexa's ass Hailey made Lexa bury herself deeper inside, her back arching up
into Lexa's chest and her throat tearing with a scream as her walls clamped, fluttered and squeezed
Lexa's cock, triggering the alphas orgasm and forcing out every drop of cum into the omega,
Lexa's teeth clamping down on a pillow to avoid breaking the omega's skin with her bite.

Lexa fell against the omega's chest, the force of her climax making her whole body shake and her
chest heave for air. She let a low moan of both pain and pleasure when she felt Hailey's nails let
go of her butt cheeks, leaving back a light aching pain.

With the fog of Hailey's heat gone for the moment Lexa was able to slowly go back to her senses,
trying to escape the tug of sleep as she kissed the bite marks and angry red spots on Hailey's neck
and collarbones. She kissed her gently, her nose pressed against the scent gland on Hailey's neck,
the heavenly smell of the omega making a shiver chill her skin, she enjoyed each and every drop
of salty wetness that met her lips and tongue, and finally moved up to kiss Hailey deep, long and
slow, dragging moans and soft sighs from their throats with every move of her lips and every curl
of their tongues.

"I'm sorry, I was a beast." Lexa said regretfully, pressing her forehead against Hailey's collarbone,
avoiding her gaze as she touched with her fingers the finger shaped bruises she had left in the
omega's arms.

"It's okay, I liked it and I like even more to see you like this now, this is the most unwinded and
relaxed I've seen you since you came here, it's the first time you are not holding your pheromones
back or keeping tight control over your voice and your body. You let go, that's always good."
Hailey said, caressing gently Lexa's back, she knew she had hurt her too.

"Thanks for letting me."

"No need for that." Hailey said, letting out a sigh that turned into a yawn. "Better to roll onto our
sides." She said and Lexa nodded, reaching to put the comforter over their bodies. She touched
Hailey's back for the first time then and her eyes widened slightly, Hailey hissed and Lexa noticed
they were recent. Lexa's gaze darkened, her heart feeling tight as she pulled Hailey closer,
protectively against her chest.

"Just like mine." Lexa whispered brokenly and Hailey nodded slowly against her neck, placing a
soft kiss against Lexa's skin.

"Don't think about it." The omega whispered and Lexa's frown deepened. She felt the omega's
breathing deepen and even, but she wasn't able to close her eyes.

Lexa stayed with Hailey for the remaining three days, and when the heat stopped, the sex didn't.

It was early morning, way too early for anyone to be awake, Lexa had her nose pressed against
Hailey's neck and couldn't find any trace of heat there. Hailey tugged her to the bathroom and they
showered together, music playing in the room.

Lexa watched Hailey put more shampoo than it was necessary in her hair and then accommodate
all of it in a foamy blob atop her head, she watched her start singing and dancing, and wondered
how it was possible to have that kind of attitude with wounds still healing on her back. Hailey
pushed her to dance with her and Lexa denied, focusing on keeping the omega from falling on her
face while dancing and singing on the slippery floor. Lexa laughed and pulled the omega close,
nothing about it was lust.

"You are amazing." Lexa said, cause she was, and felt Hailey smile against her shoulder.

"Well, you have an amazing cock." She said, giving Lexa's dick a soft squeeze that made the
Alpha pull back in surprise as the omega chuckled. Lexa smiled and helped Hailey wash her hair
until they were both free of soap and foam, holding each other under the shower head, water
rolling down their bodies.

"Promise you won't tell anyone."

"Tell me why?"

"I have too many things to lose, I have a sister, they would take her away from me. I can take a
few beatings, but I cant lose her." Hailey said and Lexa wished she didn't understand.

"Okay, I'll help you in any way I can."

"Okay." Hailey said, feeling hopeful.

They stayed under the shower head until the water went cold, having sex just one more time under
the water before getting dried and dressed. They were both hungry so they decided to get
something to eat before Hailey dropped Lexa back at her house.

As soon as she was out of the car Lexa could feel Raven's eyes on her back, she turned around
and found her friend smirking, amusement and mirth shinning in her eyes as she crossed the street
to Lexa's house.

"What did you say a few weeks ago? 'I can take care of my needs on my own'" Raven said in a
mocking tone, making quotations with her fingers, Lexa lowered her head chuckling. "That was
pure bullshit." Raven said, moving close and patting Lexa's abdomen with her hand. "You are
glowing, you fucked her good, didn't you?"

"Raven!"

"What?! Can you really tell me I'm wrong? You have a fucking hickey the size of Trikru on your
neck! She went rough on you and you liked it." Raven said. "Oh my god, you are blushing! But
what? Will you keep seeing her?"

"No, Raven, she's my boss, from the music store."

"Is that what you called her in bed, boss? Did you let her boss you around? You so did." Raven
smirked and Lexa covered her face with her hands.

"Can you stop? Please?" Lexa pleaded and Raven decided to have some mercy.

"I will, if you tell me how was it, was she good?"

Lexa thought about how Hailey had purposely clenched her walls around her cock and shivered,
her dick twitching in her pants.

"Yes, really good." She said and Raven grinned.

"She did you good, you look all relaxed, amazing what a good fuck can do to people, I like her
already."

"God Raven, let's just go inside before someone hears you, okay?" Lexa said, walking towards
the door. Raven followed with a smile, slapping Lexa's ass on her way in.

"You let her have a ride on your cock didn't you, you sure look like you had her bouncing on
your lap."

"Raven!" Lexa said, eyes wide.

Her friend's laughter was the only response she got.

.............

"You sound happy, Rae, it's been a while since I last heard you like this, what's going on?" Clarke
asked over the phone, she could hear the amusement in her friend's voice.

"I was just talking with Lexa about sex, fucking hilarious. I'm trying to convince her that friends
talk about these things, but she's getting really uncomfortable, I'm telling you Clarke that girl did
her good." Came Raven's mused response.

"Oh," Clarke said, "she was with someone."

"Yeah, helped her boss with her heat, the girl feels probably as miserable as I do when spending
her heats alone."

Clarke frowned, Lexa had been crying about her lost mate just the day of the storm and few days
later she was fucking some other omega.

"Suppressants Raven, you know those exist, right?" Clarke said and felt her friend roll her eyes
through the phone.

"They get some of us sick, you know?"

"If that makes you feel less like a sex head, then sure, I'll believe you." Clarke knew Raven did
get sick because of the suppressants but she still wanted to tease her a little.

"How funny princess. We are still going out for dinner with the guys, right?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Do you want me and Lexa to pick you up?" Raven asked and Clarke sighed, of course she
would bring Lexa along.

"No, Bell and O are coming for me, I'll see you there."

"Kay, over and out princess."

"Over and out."

..................

Clarke had been glaring at her all night, Lexa knew it, could feel it and she took the chance to do
something about it when Raven stood up to go the bathroom with O, at the same time the guys
stood to play some pool.
"What's wrong?" Lexa asked, sliding closer to Clarke, but still out of her personal space. She
noticed the girl stiffen and moved away another bit.

"Nothing." Clarke said sharply.

"Then why are you glaring at me? I know you don't like me, but I thought we could maybe-"

"We could what? Spend some time together? Be friends? I'd never be friends with someone like
you!" Clarke said, visibly angry.

"Someone like me? You don't even know me" Lexa said, frowning.

"I may not know you, but the day of the storm you shed a tear over Costia right in front of me and
a few days later you were fucking some other girl."

"Yes, I was, what's the problem with that? Costia is gone and it was just sex, it didn't mean
anything." Lexa said and even if was true it was the worst possible answer. Clarke looked back at
her, eyes shinning with fury.

"How typical of alphas, only looking for a hole to stick their dicks in." Clarke said, almost
spewing the words as she stood violently from her chair, leaving Lexa alone with her thoughts.
 Present: to lose what you had already lost
Chapter Notes

Tw: gun violence and gun talk, it is not directly related to Lexa. It begins with "He
has his gun out again, Lexa." And finishes at the end of the chapter.

Raven remembers coming back home late, she remembers her father's disapproving look as soon
as she came into the living room.

"She's been waiting for hours." He said, "she brought your favorite chocolates and this." Her
father said and offered Raven a gorgeous rose that glinted against the light, it was completely
made of metal, but it still managed to be quite light. She loved it, she couldn't remember the last
time someone had bothered with such details.

"I forgot." Raven said, she had forgotten they had a date that night and had gone out with her
friends instead. "She's still here?"

"I guess, her car is still in our garage." Sinclare gave Raven a pointed look. "You have been with
people that have treated you poorly, don't lose something good by being an idiot. If I were her i
wouldn't have waited, i would dump your ass." He said plainly, leaving to his office. Raven
sighed, guilt eating away at her throat.

She walked up stairs and entered her room carefully, she went in expecting Hailey to be mad, to
give her an earful, but the girl was asleep, sitting at Raven's desk with her guitar on her lap, her
cheek pressed against smooth wood, completely asleep, sheets of music covering Raven's desk.
Raven's heart jumped in her chest a little as she walked towards the other omega, she leaned down
to kiss Hailey's cheek, caressing her hair with her hand, knowing she had to wake her up a little
before trying to take away her guitar, she had tried it before and it hadn't been pleasant. Hailey's
eyes opened heavily, her lips forming a pout and closing her eyes again.

"You stood me up." She said, not even attempting to move, her voice raspy with sleep.

"I know, I completely forgot, I'm sorry."

"So you forgot about me, is that supposed to make me feel better?"

"I got distracted, I'm sorry."

"I had gotten us tickets for that tech thingy you wanted to go to." Hailey said, her tone slightly
pained, Raven's heart ached.

"Hey, look at me." Raven said, getting Hailey to open her eyes and look back at her. Raven
smiled at the red spot on Hailey's cheek, the one she had been sleeping on and reached out with
her hand to cup it and caress it with her finger tips. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to do this, I was
just unaware of the date, I was unaware of the day we are on. I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"You are lucky you are cute." Hailey whispered and closed her eyes again. They hadn't seen each
other much, Hailey had been more busy than usual and Raven could see it in her face, the deep
bags under her eyes, the slight crease between her brows, the heavy hang of her body.
"I'm gonna take your guitar now, okay?" Raven said and Hailey's hand tightened around the
instrument for a second before letting go. Raven took it and put it in the case, moving to help the
sleepy girl stand up and noticing right away that Hailey had made the effort to dress up for the
occasion, wearing a dress that made Raven's jaw drop, she wanted someone to punch her in the
face.

"You look beautiful." Raven whispered, pulling Hailey closer, hugging her around the waist and
kissing softly the side of her face.

"Okay." Hailey said and Raven frowned, things weren't okay.

Disappointment was hanging in the air heavily, almost making Raven choke as she slipped down
the zipper, feeling Hailey's scarred back under her hand a second later. The girl stiffened and
almost pulled away.

"Shh, shh, it's okay, it's just me." Raven whispered, feeling Hailey relax slowly as she let her head
rest on Raven's shoulders.

"I'm tired." Hailey said.

"I know, we will be in bed in no time." Raven said, leading the girl to her bed, sitting her down,
helping her take off her heels and wiping away the make up with gentleness. Her chest felt heavy
with regret when she leaned in to press her mouth against Hailey's.

Some of that heaviness lifted when she felt the omega respond with a soft movement of her lips, a
hand cupped the back of her neck, gentle fingers tugging her hair out of its pony tail and Raven
sighed into Hailey's mouth, she never thought she'd feel this way, it was funny to think she had
believed to be in love before, none of those relationships had been like this, not even close, she
knew, just by how much her whole self ignited with just a brush of Hailey's lips against hers.

"I'm tired." Hailey rasped against her lips and Raven pulled away, getting a hoodie from her closet
and helping the girl put it on. She then stripped from her brace, jeans and jacket, staying only on
her shirt and crawling into bed, pulling Hailey to lay besides her. The omega fell heavily against
the pillows and Raven frowned a little, she didn't think she had ever seen Hailey that tired, she
brushed her hand along her cheek again, she felt only warmth.

"Hey," Raven said, her voice rising a little, trying to rouse the girl laying by her side. "Are you
okay?"

Hailey refused to open her eyes, but she rolled on her side, giving Raven her back.

"I'm tired." She said again and Raven sighed, worried. She moved to cuddle against Hailey's
back, molding to her body, curling and arm around her waist. Feeling nothing but relief when
Hailey didn't pull away. She kissed the back of her neck once and then twice before staying still.

"I'm sorry," Raven said again, knowing how much it must have stung, how much effort it must
have taken Hailey to get everything ready, to get those tickets, only for Raven to not show up at
all.

"I know, you have told me, just stop thinking about it." Hailey said, her voice coming out raspy
and strained, Raven frowned for what felt like the million time in a couple of minutes.

"You are upset," Raven whispered, "and it is my fault, I want to make it better."

"You can't, not right now." Hailey whispered, "I'm too tired to forgive you. I'll forgive you
tomorrow when I'm less upset."

"I don't want to go to sleep like this, it doesn't feel right." Raven said, slipping her hand under the
hoodie and caressing Hailey's side.

"It didn't feel right to be stood up either, not after spending so much time trying to find thickets
that were already sold out, or after trying to get a reservation in a nice restaurant, or after taking the
time to dress up. I'm sure I would be this upset even if we were only going for ice cream, though.
It's funny to think how much I imagined this night when we were only going out as friends."

"You know that keeping this a secret is better for us right now." Raven said.

Hailey would have laughed with the irony if she wasn't so tired. The secrecy of their relationship
had been Raven's idea, but it was beneficial for both of them. Hailey didn't want to think about
that time she got home with Raven's scent on her skin. Her father hadn't been happy.

"I know, it was silly of me to try to take us out of this four walls. To treat you as a friend in a
regular basis is already hard enough, doing that in this kind of setting would have sucked. I won't
make the same mistake again." Hailey said and Raven grimaced slightly, the comment had hurt.

She didn't say anything and only held Hailey closer.

"Can I sleep now?" Hailey asked.

"Yes, sleep well." Raven said, hearing Hailey hum in response before burying her face deeper
into the pillows, she was asleep in minutes, her body lose and slack between Raven's arms.

Raven lay alone in bed, missing Hailey, and wondering if their break up had been really her fault.
Yes, Hailey had asked her to not come up to her house unannounced, to always call her first, she
had always been evasive about her family, she had always expressed that she preferred not to talk
about it. Was Raven exaggerating in breaking up with her just because Hailey wouldn't open up
completely to her? Raven wasn't sure, maybe Hailey deserved some privacy, maybe it wasn't so
bad for some things to be left in the dark, maybe she had the right to keep some things to herself.

Raven sighed and stared at the screen of her phone, it was almost time to get ready for school, she
looked for Hailey's contact name, aching to text her, to talk to to her. She gave it a gently tap with
her finger and looked at the last time the girl had been online. 4:17am. Raven sighed again,
knowing all about the omega's bad sleeping habits and knowing that she was probably sleeping
then.

Raven got ready and left the house to go and check on Lexa before going to school. She found
her on her bed, looking pained and uncomfortable as Anya's friend, who was a nurse, cleaned and
changed the dressings on her wounds.

Her heart jumped up to her throat when she noticed that Hailey was asleep on a beanbag, she
hadn't even taken off her jacket, she was just sitting there with her head tilted back and an arm
covering her eyes, Faya, the husky, was resting her head on one of Hailey's legs.

By the time the nurse was finished with Lexa, Raven had gotten her heart back under control. She
sat next to her friend and sighed, Lexa was barely moving at all, everything hurt, specially her
head.

"How are you feeling, goofy?"

"As bad as I look." Lexa said, keeping her good arm close to her ribs. "Did you hear what Anya
is doing?" Raven gave a short nod.
"That sentence was bullshit Lexa, Bellamy deserved more than one year in a Juvenile center with
what he did to you, everyone knows that they went easy on him because he's daddy has powerful
friends." Raven rolled her eyes, annoyed. "Gustus is the Ambassador of Trikru in Skaikru, I'll be
happy if he gets the case to be reviewed by a judge that isn't conveniently friends with Bellamy's
father. Anya told me she didn't even have to ask him to do something about that bullshit sentence
they gave him, Gustus did it all on his own, he was livid."

"I don't know what to think of it." Lexa said, a headache was throbbing right behind her eyes, it
seemed to be a permanent thing since she woke up. "I never cared much about Bellamy, we
weren't friends or anything, but Octavia was my friend, we were on the soccer team together, we
would go to the gym together sometimes with Lincoln and Lincoln is my friend, too."

"I know, it is going to be hard and I now you were kind of close with O, but what she did was
wrong, she can't just lie to the police, mess with an investigation and get away with it. It pains me,
what's happening to her, she's my friend too, but she knew what she was doing was wrong."

"It hurts me, too. I thought she was my friend." Lexa said, her eyes getting a little misty. Raven
moved closer, carefully wrapping an arm around her shoulder and supporting her bandaged head.

"Time is gonna pass by and things will get easier." Raven whispered, reaching to take Lexa's
good hand with her free one.

"You think? Because I feel completely useless, broken, I've beaten up before Raven, but never
like this, I feel like I will never recover from this." Lexa whispered, closing her eyes to keep her
tears from falling. "I can't even take my dogs out for a walk."

"Remember when you were still at the hospital, you were dizzy, nauseous, could barely keep up
with what we were saying, how are things right now?"

"We are having a fluid conversation."

"Yes, and?"

"I'm dizzy, but not too much."

"Yes, and?"

"I don't vomit that often now."

"See? All of that is progress, you are getting better, it might not look like it but you have to look
for the little things, the little victories. In a few days you'll be able to go to the bathroom on your
own." Raven didn't notice how bad the last part sounded until the words were out of her mouth.
Lexa took in a shuddering breath and she felt like punching herself in the face. She knew how
humiliating it was to not be able to go the bathroom on your own, she had been there. "It'll get
better with time Lex, your body will heal and you'll go back to the gym, getting all those sexy
muscles back, there's no way to accelerate the healing, so you have to be patient, okay?" Raven
said and Lexa gave her a small nod, trying to keep her head from moving too much. "Do you
want me to stay here with you? You know I can totally ditch school."

"It's fine, Anya is here and so is Hailey." Lexa said, glancing at her friend's spot on the beanbag.

"I see she's being great company." Raven said, sarcastic. She was half angry half wanting to go sit
on Hailey's lap and wake her up with kisses, the anger won.

"She's tired, she hasn't found someone to fill my spot at the store, so she's covering my shifts and
taking care of her sister and with school and the academy and the band. She's lost in time, she
came here rushing, thinking she was late, I told her she wasn't and she just dropped there, hasn't
moved since." Lexa said, looking at Hailey with a bit of worry in her eyes.

"She thought she was late for what?" Raven asked.

"I don't know, I think maybe-" Lexa was cut off by a startled gasp and both Raven and her
watched as Hailey woke up suddenly, face panicked, scaring the husky, who stood up and licked
her face.

Hailey stood up, her eyes moving from Raven to Lexa and back again, it happened so many times
the movement of her eyes made Lexa dizzy.

Raven noticed she had a busted lip and bit her tongue to keep herself from asking, it was not her
business.

"I'm gonna walk the dogs." Hailey said, putting each dog in their respective leash and leaving the
room.

The room was left in an awkward silence, a silence that dissipated only when Raven let out the air
she had been holding.

"You need to fix things with her, if not for you then do it for me, it's making me uncomfortable
and it's just a waste of time, you are in love with her, she's in love with you, fix it."

"I broke up with her Lex, there's nothing to fix, and I'm seeing Roan now."

"You don't like Roan, you didn't like him a year ago when he got here and you don't like him
now."

"Hailey was in the picture then, now she isn't so I can allow myself to look at other people."

"Roan works for Hailey, they see each other every day, they are friends, Roan never misses her
gigs, he doesn't know about you guys so he's hurting Hailey without even knowing." Lexa said.

"Hailey is a big girl, she can deal with it and if she can't it's not my problem." Raven said, pulling
away from Lexa, who shook her head gently.

"I can't believe you lied to me for her."

"I'm not sorry."

"What?" Raven asked, shocked.

"I'm not sorry for lying to you. Hailey and I, we didn't lie for the sake of it, we lied for a reason
and we wouldn't have had to do it if you had listened to Hailey and not crossed the boundaries she
put."

"We were trying to be a couple, there shouldn't be any boundaries. So you got to go to hers
whenever you wanted, you got to meet her dad and take her sister out and even take care of her
and I can't even visit my fucking girlfriend, how is that right? Why did I have to be behind a line
that didn't even exist for you?" Raven said, quickly getting angry.

"So this is it, you are jealous." Lexa said, "of me?" Her tone expressed how ridiculous the idea
was.
"How can I not be?" Raven exploded. "You have more things in common with her than I do, you
are into the musical world and I don't know anything about that and that's all she cares about, you
worked at the same place, you got to see her more than I did and you guys used to sleep together.
How the hell am I supposed to not be jealous?"

"Raven, I'm sure you have talked about this with her before. She's not, nor has she ever been in
love with me." Lexa said, "didn't she ever tell you why she hired me to begin with? After a few
months of meeting you, when she was already crushing on you, she told me she had only hired
me right away and without any papers because I smelled like you, you had slept over the night
before and your scent was all over me, she had smelled you on me and she liked you ever since,
she hired me in hopes she would someday meet you." Lexa said and Raven blinked quickly, taken
aback, Hailey had never told her that.

"She told you that?"

"Yes," Lexa said, exasperated, "it's always been you, she has never shown interest about anyone
else. Okay, yes, we had sex, we turned each other on, it was awesome, but that was it. She never
got dreamy about me, she never wrote songs about me, or made entries playlists that reminded her
of me, it was all about you and you know it. I can't even believe we are having this conversation."

Raven would be lying if se said her heart hadn't turned into a warm puddle of mush with Lexa's
words.

"Then why the lies, the barriers, why not let me in?" Raven asked.

"To protect you, to keep what you two had safe, the things she's hiding are not easy to take in
Rae, she was scared to ruin what you guys had, to stain it."

"But she could tell you?" Raven said and Lexa's face darkened, her eyes getting somber in a
matter of seconds.

"She knew I'd understand."

Raven didn't like the sound of it.

................

Hailey came back to Lexa's when Raven had already left, she made sure the dogs had plenty of
water and then dropped besides Lexa on the bed.

"I thought you would have tried something to fix things with Raven by now."

"Do we really have to talk about this?"

"Yes, you are both giving me headaches and god knows I have enough of those."

"I won't try to fix things between Raven and I." Hailey said with finality and Lexa turned to look
at her with a frown.

"Why?"

"He was kicked out of his job, he's in the house all day now, just walking around like a zombie
with his gun out. I can't afford to go home with even a bit of Raven's scent on me, he will notice
and maybe he will finally have the guts to shoot me in the face." Hailey said bitterly.

"How long has this been going on?"

"A little bit more than a month." Hailey said, rubbing her ribs absentmindedly.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"You are in no state to be worrying about my issues." Hailey said, "I'll be 18 in a month, I will
grab my evidence box and I will go to the police with it and with my sister and this whole thing
will be over."

"That is if he doesn't shoot you in the face first." Lexa said and it wasn't a joke, but Hailey
laughed.

"That'd be such a shame." Hailey said and a tone of mockery that Lexa didn't appreciate.

"Such a pretty face gone to waste." Lexa said, swallowing her discomfort and trying not to
dampen her friend's mood. Hailey laughed and Lexa could only feel dread pooling in her stomach.

She texted Clarke and asked her to keep an eye on Hailey for her, the blonde quickly agreed,
knowing exactly why Lexa was asking, it was their secret.
..............
One week later.

"I can't do this anymore, Clarke." Lexa said, her voice strained, unable to look at the girl in the
eyes. The feeling in her chest had been building up for what felt like forever and she couldn't take
it anymore.

Raven was staying after school for robotics, Hailey was in the academy and Anya was upstairs in
the living room. That meant Lexa was all alone with Clarke.

The blonde looked up from where she was, looking for the right medication, the one Lexa was
supposed to take in just a few minutes. The hairs in the back of the omega's neck stood on end and
her dog whined where it was at her side.

"What?" The blonde asked, turning to look at Lexa with the pill bottle in hand. She was just as
aware if not more of how alone they were.

"I can't have you here, treating me like this." Lexa said, trying to sit up further, her ribs and her
arm and her head and her fucking everything protested at the motion and she grimaced. Clarke
reached out to help but Lexa pulled back, clutching her eyes shut. "No, stop that." Lexa didn't
quite mean it, but her tone was sharp and it sounded like a command, Clarke swallowed hard,
burying her hand in soft dog fur. She knew Lexa didn't mean anything bad by it. She knew, she
knew, she knew.

"What do you mean? You are hurting yourself, let me help you."

"No!" Lexa said, voice hard, pheromones flaring for just a second. Clarke froze. "I understand
what you told me, I understand why you did what you did, why things happened the way they
did, but they still hurt, they put me here, those things happened and they have me tied to this bed
and it feels awful Clarke, and I do not regret saving you, I would never regret it, I would do it all
over again, but I can't deny that what you did hurt and I'm angry and I'm in pain and having you
here is not making it better, it is not helping. All I can see when I look at you is that girl who saw
her best friend beating me up and did nothing to stop it. All I can see is myself, on the floor, in
pain and bleeding and begging you to tell him to stop, and how you did nothing. All I can see is
how you stared at me then, eyes cold and absent and uncaring, how you watched and did nothing,
and I have nightmares about it, and it's always the same, I'm always there, on the floor with him
hitting me over and over again and you just stare and do nothing." Lexa's voice shook and broke,
fingers shaking as she looked away from Clarke. "And I can't help but wonder how things would
have been if you had stopped him, maybe my collar bone wouldn't be broken, maybe my ribs
wouldn't have punctured one of my lungs, maybe I wouldn't have needed to have chest tube put
in, or another tube shoved down my throat, maybe my spleen wouldn't have ruptured all the way,
maybe they would have been able to fix it, or some of it and I would still have half a spleen,
maybe I wouldn't have been bleeding out and they wouldn't have had to cut my abdomen open in
half to take it out and I would still have all my organs and a not so massive scar. Maybe I wouldn't
have been thrown down a flight of stairs and the doctors wouldn't have had to cut my scalp open
and then my cranium and then my brain. Maybe I would be able to move my head without
needing to puke, or to give a long rant like this one without exhausting myself and feeling like I
ran a marathon cause I feel so exhausted already and I just woke up from the hundredth nap of the
day." Lexa sighed and closed her eyes, she would take a deep breath but she couldn't, it hurt.

Clarke couldn't look at Lexa anymore, she looked at her feet, subtly brushing away her tears with
her hand.

"I understand why you didn't help me, I understand that you were in shock, shaken by what had
happened, that you were trapped in your head and that you didn't help me because you couldn't
not because you didn't want to, but it still hurts." Lexa said, her hands shaking as she tried to get
more comfortable and couldn't. "And you are here being nice and trying to help me and I don't
know what to make of it. I know why you didn't help me that night, I know that you couldn't, but
I'm still angry, I still recent you for it and having you here is not making it better."

They stayed silence for a while, the pain in Lexa's head making it feel like her cranium was
cracking all over again, she was getting increasingly dizzy and she already knew she wouldn't end
up vomiting.

Clarke was still looking at her feet, she understood how Lexa felt, Lexa had all the right to feel the
way she did, but Clarke still wanted to be there for her, to make sure she was okay. She hadn't
been able to help that night, but she could now and she wanted to.

"What can I do to make it better?" Clarke asked, her shoulders slumping, she didn't know what to
do.

"I think it's better if you leave, I need some time to think about things and I can't do that with you
here, I appreciate you trying, but right now it is not helping." Lexa said and Clarke nodded.

"Can I still check up on you, by the phone or something?" Clarke asked, hesitant.

"Yeah, sure."

"Okay." Clarke said, taking her dog and leaving.

.................

The next two weeks passed slowly for Lexa, the pain was going down, but she still felt weak, her
limbs shaking like leaves every time Anya helped her stand to got to the bathroom.

Clarke was always there, just in a different way than before.

She passed by every day to check up on her through Anya and she was the one taking Lexa's
dogs to their night walk. She constantly got things for her, being food or meds or anything else,
she would get it and drop it off with little notes for Lexa. They never said anything, but they had
the most amazing drawings, trees, dogs, clouds, their friends, anything. Lexa would get one every
day and it made her smile. Some other times she didn't get drawings, but quotes from books she
had discussed with Clarke either in class or in their meet ups for projects, she couldn't believe the
blonde remembered them. Every few days she would get an audio book that Clarke had chosen,
one that the blonde thought she would like. She had tried to read before, but it just caused a lot of
headaches and a round of puking, Clarke must have done her research and known that reading
wasn't the best idea after a head trauma, hence the audio books.

Lexa would put them in a low volume, trying to not aggravate her ever present pain, but also
wanting to hear some new stories, maybe she would be able to talk about them with Clarke later.
They helped her relax and she found herself falling asleep to them often.

The time for Clarke to be back in her life came just after those tree weeks that had passed. Anya
had had to leave all of a sudden to fix a problem that had come up at work and that only she could
fix and had left Lexa with Raven, who couldn't drive and couldn't take Lexa to her appointment.

Lexa would have suggested to call Hailey, but she knew her and Raven were still on rocky terms.

"We can call Roan?" Raven said, phone in hand.

"He's at the store." Lexa said. "He works full time there, remember?"

"I'm sure she will let him out earlier if he tells her where he's going." Raven said and dialed him
before Lexa could say anything else.

From what Lexa could pick up from Raven's half of the conversation, Hailey wasn't at the store,
Roan was alone so he couldn't just leave.

"I could call Wells or Lincoln, or Monty, maybe Jasper." Raven offered, knowing that Lexa
hadn't been up for visits from their friends, she didn't want them to see her like that.

"No," Lexa said, "call Clarke."

"You sure?" Raven asked, knowing of the fall out the girls had had just tree weeks ago.

"Yeah, it's just a ride." Lexa said, Raven nodded and dialed.

Clarke picked them up fifteen minutes before the time of the appointment, she opened the door for
her and watched as Raven helped her get in the car gently and slowly.

"You guys ready?" Clarke asked and they nodded, Lexa closed her eyes, she tended to get sick in
the car now.

They all had been comfortably quiet in the car when Lexa's phone started ringing, she only had
one available arm so Raven carried it around for her.

"Who is it?" Lexa asked, her eyes still closed.

"It's Hailey's sister, why is she calling you?" Raven said, Lexa's eyes opened suddenly instantly
meeting Clarke's, who was giving her a panicked look through the rear view mirror. They both
knew Hailey's sister only called Lexa for one reason.

"To say hello, I guess. We might have to pick her up, keep an eye on her until Hailey is free."

"It's her sister, Hailey should be the one taking care of her, not you, much less when you are like
this." Raven said with a frown.

"It's fine," Clarke said, giving Lexa a comforting nod, their eyes locked. "Pick up the call, if the
girl needs to be picked up we can do it and then I'll stay with her, I'll call Hailey to let her know
after."

Lexa gave Clarke and appreciative nod.

"Thanks, Clarke." Lexa said and then turned back to Raven, taking her phone from her hand and
picking up the call.

"Hey kid, how are you?" Lexa said with affection, trying to keep her tone normal.

"He has his gun out again, Lexa." The little girl said, voice shaky, Lexa felt herself go pale.

"Did you do what your sister has taught you to do? Did you leave the house to wait for me at the
café in the corner?" Lexa said, trying to keep her hands from shaking.

"I can't get out, the back door is locked and they are in the living room. I'm hiding under the
kitchen sink." The girl sniffled. "I made him angry and he grabbed me and put it in my head and
Hailey got angry and threw herself at him, told me to run away..."

Lexa looked at Clarke through the rear view mirror and gave her a panicked look, the blonde gave
a sharp U- turn, pushing on the gas to get to Hailey's house as soon as possible. Raven cursed and
started telling her off.

"What the fuck, Clarke? Don't you see Lexa is still delicate? We are not even on our way to the
hospital right now, what are you-"

"Raven, shut up." Clarke said.

"...but I had nowhere to run, I can hear them fighting. I'm scared Lexa, I've never seen him like
this, he had never pointed his gun at me." Rose said and Lexa knew, when Hailey's dad took out
his gun Hailey would tell her sister to leave the house and she would stay to entertain him. It was
scary, but he never attempted to fire, just to scare them with it, they didn't even know if it was
loaded or not.

"It's okay, just stay there, we are on our way-" Lexa was cut off by a loud bang that turned her
blood into ice. "Rose! Rose! Are you still there?"

"I can't hear them anymore." The little girl said. "Lexa, dad is leaving."

"How do you know that? Rose, don't leave the kitchen."

"I can see his car from the kitchen window, he just took off, maybe you won't have to come for
me this time." Rose said, sniffling a few more times, Lexa guessed she was probably cleaning her
tears away. Her heart was pounding in her temples as the car turned on Hailey's street. "I'll go find
Hailey."

"No! No! Rose stay in the kitchen." Lexa said just as Clarke was stopping in front of Hailey's
house. The little girl didn't listen.

Lexa heard her scream. The sound echoed all over the street and through the speaker of her
phone, she felt like she was going to be sick.

Clarke sprinted out of the car and Raven stayed there for a few seconds, looking confused. Lexa
wanted to cry in frustration, she couldn't fucking move.

"Raven, you need to go in." Lexa said, desperate.

"Lexa, what the fuck is going on?" She said, looking at the front of Hailey's house and back at
Lexa, not knowing what to do, not understanding what was happening.

"He had a gun Raven, her father."

"What?" Raven asked, face contorted in confusion.

"She was never assaulted, or robbed, she never fell down the stairs, she was never in a martial arts
class, the scars in her back didn't come from a car accident, it was always him, her father Raven
and he had a gun and she was in there with him." Lexa said, panicked, eyes misty with tears,
desperation clouding her face.

Raven was stumbling out of the car, her mind not quite wrapping itself around what Lexa had told
her, hundreds of memories going through her head, all the times she had patched Hailey up, all the
times she had kissed her bruises and pressed an ice pack to her eye, or cheek, or jaw, all the times
she had kissed it all better. All the times Hailey had lied to her.

It all happened in slow motion.

She bursted through the open doors, freezing with the hand on the doorknob as she had done
almost two months ago at the Griffin's house.

She got there just in time to see Clarke rip Hailey's shirt with her hands and use the fabric to put
pressure against her chest.

But it was pointless, the floor was already soaked with red blood.

Red instead of black.

In less than two months Raven was, once again, kneeling in a puddle of blood.

"Rave..." Hailey gasped.

And after that everything happened too fast for Raven to keep up.

"Rave... I... I love you." Hailey choked the words out, her face the palest Raven had ever seen it.
Raven could see it in her eyes, in how the once brilliant blue that took her breath away was
dimming, soaked with silent tears that slowly escaped and trailed down her temples, getting lost in
bloody light hair. Hailey was saying goodbye.

"Raven!" Clarke said, hands red, "we don't have time to wait for an ambulance, help me take her
to the car."

Raven was frozen, mute, she didn't understand. The girl she loved had been shot, was bleeding
out, was telling her she loved her.

"Rave... I love... you." Her eyelids fluttered, fell heavily, almost closed. "I'm... sorry." She said,
her words slurring, head lolling to the side. Raven could see her life escaping, slipping through her
fingers like water, staining her jeans, soaking them red.

The third time Hailey told her she loved her, Raven didn't hear her, but she saw her lips move,
eyes staying frozen still in an expression she had seen so many times. An expression Hailey only
reserved for her. It was the same she had every time they kissed and every time they made love
and every time they held each other afterwards.

Hailey didn't say anything else.

Raven didn't get to say it back.

"Raven!" Clarke shouted, frantic and panicked and desperate as she kept her hands pressed
against the hole in Hailey's chest. "Raven, she's losing too much blood, the bullet hit way to close
to her heart, I couldn't find an exit wound, help me get her to the car."

"Raven!" Clarke shouted again taking one of Hailey's arms and wrapping it around her shoulders,
pulling her to a half sitting position and then wrapping another arm around her waist to pull her to
her feet, Hailey's body sagged, hanging limply and Raven finally reacted, moving under Hailey's
other arm and pushing her hand against the mess of blood soaked fabric Clarke had pressed
against the hole in Hailey's chest.

They made the short way to the car with Hailey's body hanging between them. Raven got into the
back seat, receiving Hailey's body as Clarke laid it as carefully as possible on her lap.

Raven didn't notice Lexa was no longer there, she only heard as all the doors of the car banged
closed as she kept pressure on Hailey's chest. She didn't notice she was crying either.

Clarke took off fast, her foot almost pressed to the floor of the car, her hands leaving bloody hand
prints on the steering wheel.

"Lexa, I need you to dial my mother, its in the speed dial." Clarke ordered and the Alpha reached
for the phone on the cup holder, her shaky fingers dialing as quickly as she could with one hand
and putting the phone in speaker. Abby Griffin answered after the third ring.

"Hi, ba-"

Clarke cut her mother off.

"Mom, one of my friends was shot, she's an omega around my age, gunshot wound to the chest,
there's no exit wound, she's in the back of my car, we are three minutes away. I need you to have
a team ready, blood too, she has lost lots of it."

To say that Abby was shocked was an understatement.

"Clarke, how are her vitals?"

"I'm driving, I don't know. I think she had a pulse when we left the house. Raven, is she
breathing? Does she have a pulse?" Clarke fired the questions, her eyes on the road.

Lexa looked at the image in the back seat with a knot in her throat.

Hailey was unconscious, her lips blue, her shirt torn open, soaked in blood from the neck down,
she was completely limp, laying against Raven's chest as the omega kept pressure on a wound
Lexa couldn't even see in the mess of blood.

Raven had her mouth pressed right beside Hailey's ear, muttering words Lexa couldn't decipher,
her cheeks completely wet as Clarke's questions registered in her brain.

"Raven!" Clarke shouted again, pressing for the answers her mother needed as Raven pressed her
fingers against Hailey's neck.

The omega broke into sobs.

"I don't know!" Raven cried, her fingers bloody against Hailey's cold neck. "I can't feel anything!
I can't feel anything." Her sobs only got louder after that, clutching Hailey's body closer as she
buried her face in her neck.

Lexa barely had time to get a hold of a plastic bag before she started retching violently.
 Chapter 12

Hey guys,

Yes, this is an author's note, I promised myself I wouldn't try to meddle with the way you see the
story, but right now I feel like it is necessary to explain some things.

I wanna begin by thanking you for the kudos and comments, out of my three works in progress
this is the one that has gotten more attention and I really appreciate it. Thank you for taking some
of your time to read my work.

Now, some of you have expressed how much you dislike Hailey, some have even been very
direct about how much you hate her and that's okay, I respect it, the thing is I don't plan to take her
out of the story just because you don't like her and it's not because I want to be stubborn or
arrogant or anything, it is because this story has been throughly pre planned, I am not messing
around with this and just writing stuff right from the top of my head and posting, I've taken the
time to plan things, to settle important plot points, to develop the story and the characters from
beginning to end and the growth I want them to have. I planned the story with Hailey in it and
taking her out would just throw off balance everything that I have planned, I would need to
change the plot and that's something I don't want, nor have the time, to do. So, Hailey is staying
for as long as I see fit. Even if she might be dead by next chapter she would still be around for the
past story line, which means that if you don't like her, you should probably stop reading now
because I don't plan to take her out. I know that you don't like her, I really do, but I do like her and
she is important for the story I want to develop, so if you don't like her and you think she's
irrelevant and random and unnecessary please stop reading because I won't let that dictate what
I'm writing. I am conscious of the fact you don't like her, I have been hearing it since the first time
I brought her around and she's still here, I heard you the first time, I heard you the second time and
hearing it a third time it's simply unnecessary. I already know you don't like her and that won't
make me get rid of her, so if you dislike her so much, please stop reading, saying I don't care
about what you think is a lie because I do care. Trying to keep the motivation to keep writing this
story has only gotten harder and harder and I'm not telling you to shut up, or to stop expressing
yourself, or to bend to what I want and how I see things, not at all, I'm just telling you that I have
read all the comments, that I read them and re read them, that I know the way you feel and that I'm
not willing to take something out of my story just because you dislike it, there are things I'm
willing to change, but this is not one of them. She will stay for as long as I want her to and if you
don't like her, it's probably better to stop reading.

There has been comments saying that there isn't enough clexa so I will take this chance to tell you
that Clarke and Lexa are the main characters, yes, but not necessarily together, there will be a lot
of their interactions with other people and I feel that if that isn't what you are looking for you
should stop reading now because you won't see them getting close and having deep heart to hearts
and having walks in the park any time soon, you will be seeing them struggle to be in the same
room together, you will be seeing them try to escape from being in each other's presence and yes
you will se Lexa sleeping with someone else because right now she owes Clarke nothing. If that
makes you feel that the story is really slow, that is crawling and that it isn't worth it to wait for
another update you should stop reading because I won't rush them into things they are not ready
for and I won't go around time jumping so they are suddenly more comfortable with each other
when I have made clear that they are not in a good place right now. If you want entire chapters
filled with clexa romance, or with clexa interactions and nothing else, no over characters involved,
no other relationships developing, this really is not the story for you and you should stop reading,
there are many clexa centric stories out there that I love and that I'm sure you'll like too. I also plan
to make Raven and Hailey and Anya huge parts of Lexa's life, which means huge parts of the
story, if that is something you aren't interested in and don't care about i think it's better to stop
reading.

Some people are mad at Lexa cause she's sleeping with someone else, this is something I can
understand and relate to, I've been there and I think that's a pretty normal reaction, what I don't
really understand is why people think that Lexa is an idiot for sleeping with someone Raven likes
when Raven and Hailey hasn't even met in the past story line, you still don't know if they stop
when things get real between Raven and Hailey, you don't not know if they keep doing it, I
personally don't see the problem, but you do, I don't really understand it but I respect it.

For those who wonder what happened to Rose, you can rest easy, next chapter won't be Past, but
last chapter's part two and it will be updated in a couple of days, maybe Monday or Tuesday as I
have already begun writing it, you will know then where did she go and if Hailey died or not and
how Lexa and Clarke and Raven deal with it, it is safe to say that Raven won't be happy with her
friends after what they hid from her, hard times are coming for them in the present story line, that's
for sure.

Finally I want to tell you that this is not me trying to violate your freedom of speech or trying to
shut you up anything of the sort, you can always comment and say whatever you want, that's
perfectly okay. I read all the comments, I appreciate them and I encourage you to keep
commenting, this is just me leaving some important things clear about the story so you can decide
I you will keep reading or not, I wouldn't want you to keep reading this if it is only going to end
up dissapointing you.

I also want to thank kayka136, I had decided to drop this story and to not continue it when I read
their comment and it made me change my mind and continue it at least for now, I also want to
thank everyone who has commented and has left kudos and subscribed, I'll do the best I can with
this work.

I hope I didn't offend anyone with this, it wasn't my intention and I apologize in advance if I did.

I'll see you guys next chap.

 Present: to lose what you had already lost (part 2)
Chapter Notes

Thanks to everyone who left their opinion on my author's note, I know I can't really
please everyone, but I have taken into consideration everything you have said and I
will continue to do so. I also want to thank you for all the support, some of the
comments were really nice an made me want to keep going with this. I was supposed
to update this sooner, but I had to travel and I'm more careful with what I post now, I
guess.

I hope you like this chapter, I hope I get to read you guys in the comments.

Ps: I know that many of you weren't okay with the sex scene so I edited it, hopefully
it is less gross now, the same cues apply

Raven woke up screaming in an hospital room with Clarke by her side, her hand pressed to her
shoulder as she offered her a glass of water.

Questions and emotions rushed and crashed against Raven, making her push the glass out of
Clarke's hand in her rush to get them all out.

"Did she- was she really- was it a dream? I-" Raven said and Clarke moved in to hug her tight,
muffling Raven's words against her shoulder, when she pulled away Raven noticed she was
wearing scrub bottoms and one of her mother's sweaters, her hair was tied in a bun at the top of
her head and there wasn't a spot of blood on her. Raven breathed in deeply, maybe it had been just
a dream after all. "Clarke, what's going on? What am I doing here?"

"You had a panic attack, it got out of control and the doctors had to sedate you, you have been
asleep for a couple of hours." Clarke said, sitting at the edge of Raven's bed.

Raven looked down at herself, she was in a hospital gown and there wasn't a spot of blood on her
either.

"Did that really happen? Was she shot?" Raven didn't want to say her name, it would only make it
more real. Her voice broke at the end of the sentence and Clarke held her hand.

"Yes, she's in surgery right now, they are trying to repair the damage caused by the bullet."

"So she's not dead." Raven said, feeling her mouth dry and a drop of cold sweat fall down her
spine.

"No." Clarke said. Not yet, not right now.

"She will be okay?" Raven asked and her hopeful brown eyes made Clarke's heart ache.

"Yes, if everything goes well during the surgery she should be fine in a little while." Clarke said,
picking up some clothes and giving them to Raven. "Put these on, you will want to be in the
waiting room when the doctor comes asking for her friends and family."
They left the room after a nurse checked on Raven and sat on the waiting room, Raven was happy
to see her father was there, she quickly moved to his side, buried her head in his chest and cried.

Clarke scanned the room, looking for the place she had left Lexa and walking towards her, the girl
had a plastic bag full of vomit in her good hand, she looked sickly grey and her lips were
completely white, Clarke went to a near vending machine and got her a bottle of Gatorade, she sat
next to Lexa and opened the drink for her, taking the bag away from her and giving her the bottle.

Lexa shook her head and Clarke put a hand on her knee tentatively.

"You need to drink this, you vomited once in the car and I have already seen you do it again twice
here, you are very pale, and getting dehydrated in your state isn't the best idea." Clarke said,
looking at Lexa with concern. The brunette looked at Clarke and nodded, taking a few sips of the
drink and giving the bottle back.

"I think it is better if I take you home, we don't know how long this is going to take and you are in
pain." Clarke said, giving Lexa's leg a small squeeze.

"I would never forgive myself if she died and I wasn't here."

"You wouldn't be able to do anything about it either way."

"I could try to help Raven." Lexa said and turned to look at Clarke when she felt a soft touch on
her neck, the blonde's eyes were fixed on the faded mating mark.

"If she dies nothing and no one will be able to help, not right now," Clarke's thumb brushed over
the mark again. "You know that." Lexa swallowed hard and nodded, her eyes watering.

"This is my fault Clarke, I should have said something." Lexa said and her pheromones flared
with anger and pain, Clarke stiffened and pulled her hand away from Lexa's leg. She breathed in
deeply and convinced herself that Lexa's anger had nothing to do with her.

"You knew they would have taken Rose away and Hailey wouldn't have allowed it, she told us
that if we ever went to the police she would deny it all, she wasn't willing to lose her sister and
there was nothing anyone could do to change her mind." Clarke said.

"But now they are taking Rose away anyways, everything was for nothing." Lexa said, looking
away from that. "I let this happen Clarke, I knew he had a gun, I knew he often pulled it out on
them and I still said nothing."

"Hailey would have denied it and you know it Lexa, there was nothing you could do but help her
just like you did and you know it." Clarke said, moving a bit closer, until her eyes were meeting
Lexa's once again.

"Do you think Raven will understand that?" Lexa asked, moving away from Clarke and looking
at her friend who was in her father's arms. Clarke glanced at her too and shook her head,
squeezing Lexa's leg to get the alpha to look at her once again.

"No, she won't and it's going to be hard and she's going to hate us, but you won't be alone in this,
I will take the blame with you, we will bare the brunt of her hate and her anger together." Clarke
said, her eyes intense and resolute as they looked at Lexa.

"You won't leave me alone with this?" Lexa asked, not really believing in Clarke.

"No, I couldn't help you that night Lexa, but I will do what I can to help this time." Clarke said, "I
know I am the last person you want to see, but things are really messed up right now, O is gone,
Hailey is not okay and things with Raven will fall apart in the next few days, there's only us left
and I know we aren't okay either, far from it, but maybe we can work on it? I know you told me
you needed space because of what happened, but I would like us to deal with this, together, if you
allow it."

Lexa looked down at her lap for a very long moment, her head was feeling like it was going to
split open and her ribs had been strained more than she could handle, she was tired and in pain,
and she knew that Raven wouldn't forgive her for this, she knew that something between them
would break and that hurt so much, Raven was her person and Lexa knew she wouldn't have her
for a very long time. If things were okay she would go talk to Hailey about the things she didn't
quite know how to tell Raven, but her friend had been shot, was dying and was currently going
through open heart surgery, she couldn't go to her this time, she was alone again and that feeling
that had crawled up her bones and latched onto them when she stood on Anya's door, still bruised
from the last beating she had received from her foster parents, started creeping up on her again,
that feeling of loneliness, of not having anyone to count on, of not having anyone on her corner.

Sitting there on the waiting room of a hospital, she felt the pain of her parents' deaths, of being
separated from her sister and from each one of the foster siblings she had ever gotten attached to,
of losing Costia, and she realized that she didn't want to feel that way anymore, she didn't want to
be alone.

Lexa turned to look at Clarke, knowing the girl understood how losing apart of yourself felt like,
how to be in real agony felt like, how she would be able to understand what she was going
through with Raven because she was going through the same thing with her as well. Lexa knew
she didn't trust Clarke, Lexa knew she was still angry, she still felt resentment towards her, she
knew that Clarke didn't deserve a chance, but she couldn't ignore that the blonde was trying, along
the past three weeks she had continued to silently be there for Lexa, to be there in her own terms,
to not give up when Lexa had pushed her away.

"You have hurt me Clarke and I don't trust you, I look at you and I can only see how you have
mistreated me and judged me without knowing anything..." Lexa said and the blonde looked
down at her feet. "But I can't ignore that you have been trying and you have been there for me
since that night and you haven't pushed and I really appreciate that, I really liked the drawings you
sent me and the little notes with the quotes and the audio books, I really did..." Lexa said, looking
at Clarke with the corner of her mouth tilted up just slightly, making Clarke mirror her expression.
"Hard times are coming, the people we fell most close to have been taken away for different
reasons," Lexa said, thinking of Octavia in Clarke's case and of Hailey in her own and then
glancing at Raven, whose trust they both had broken. "It might be better to deal with this together
than apart as long as we promise to not push each other into things we are not ready for."

"I think I can do that." Clarke said and gathered up the courage to offer Lexa her hand, the Alpha
was visibly surprised, looking at Clarke's hand for a few long seconds before taking it in her own,
making sure Clarke wasn't pushing herself too much. "Deal."

They leaned away from each other and stayed in silence for a few minutes before Clarke decided
to talk to Lexa again.

"Can I take you home now?"

"I'm not leaving without news about Hailey."

"Come with me then." Clarke said, knowing she wouldn't make Lexa change her mind.

Clarke took her to her mother's on call room and helped her lay down on the bed, fixing the
pillows behind Lexa's head and asking her to drink some more Gatorade before moving away.
"Do you want me to stay with you?" Clarke asked and Lexa stopped to look around, it was small
and closed, the door couldn't be left open even if they wanted to and Clarke was already pulling
anxiously at the sleeve of her sweatshirt.

"No, I would like you to wait with Raven and tell me any news you get, if that's okay?" Lexa said
and Clarke nodded.

"If it takes too long I will come back to check on you in a bit." Clarke said. She was on her way
out, but stopped with her hand on the doorknob. Lexa turned to look at her with a questioning
look, Clarke reached for something at the hem of her pants, a folded piece of paper, she offered it
to Lexa.

The Trikru girl took it with gentleness, now used to getting one of Clarke's drawings after getting
one of them most of days of the past three weeks.

Lexa unfolded the paper, the drawing was made in charcoal as always, she could easily see the
exact scene Clarke wanted her to see and couldn't help but smile, just a little bit, a tiny little thing
that barely resembled a smile.

"Still admired with Jane Eyre, I see." Lexa said, watching Mr. Rochester and Jane hold a
conversation next to the fireplace.

"Always," Clarke said, "but you already know that."

"I do, that's also a book I love." Lexa said and Clarke opened the door to leave.

"I know." The blonde said, right before closing the door.

...............

Raven looked at the floor with her head in her hands, she couldn't think, she couldn't breathe. A
bullet had ruined and almost ended her life and now a bullet would take away the person she was
in love with, the person who spend her last breaths telling her that she loved her and that would
probably die thinking she was hated.

Raven's chest burned, she would give anything to turn back time, to not have said to Hailey
everything she said, for calling her a drunk, for telling her she was abusive and a whore. She
wanted, more than anything, to go back to that day she had broken up with her, that day Hailey
had attempted to fix things and Raven had just broken her heart instead.

Her throat was closing up with regret, and blind with pain she didn't notice Clarke helping Lexa
towards the chairs. The blonde had gone for her after a nurse had come telling them that Hailey's
surgeon would come talk to them shortly. Raven looked warily around the room, there was a
woman in a suit sitting near them, she was from child services and Raven trembled with the
possibility of Hailey being taken away. She remembered Rose then, the most important person in
Hailey's life and turned her face to the sides, finding Clarke, alarmed.

"Clarke, where is Rose? We left the house in a rush and she wasn't with us and I didn't see her
when I went in." Raven said, eyes red and voice broken.

"She was standing next to Hailey when I went inside the house, Hailey was telling her to leave, I
took her away from the sight and told her to go to the neighbors and stay with them and tell them
what had happened. I imagine they called the police. You came in after that." Clarke said.

"They will take her away, right?" Raven said, her eyes watery, Hailey would be so upset.
"I guess so, the police must have took her to child services."

Raven held back a sob and looked away from Clarke only looking up when she saw Abby
walking out towards them with who she assumed was Hailey's surgeon.

"Friends and family of Hailey Hunter." He said and they all were on him in a second, Raven saw
the woman from child services stand too and fear pooled in her gut.

"She made it through surgery." He said blankly and Raven felt herself go faint with relief. "She
had entered hypovolemic shock when she was brought in, it wasn't surprising given the great
amount of blood she had lost. After we resuscitated her and gave her the blood she needed to keep
her stable enough through out the surgery we proceeded with an emergency sternotomy, which
allowed us to fix the structures that had been damaged and to take the bullet out, at the moment
her vitals are stable and the small cuts on her face have been taken care of." The doctor took a
deep breath and continued talking before anyone could get a word in, his eyes moving to the
woman from child services. "When she was being prepped for surgery we noticed a lot of bruising
around her ribs and her hipbones, we also found scars and open lacerations in her back and one of
her thighs, which leads me to believe that she had been subjected to abuse constantly, some scars
look like they could be at least a year old, maybe more. She's currently in the ICU floor, where we
are getting some X-rays to check there are no broken bone. A nurse will be here in a few hours to
let you into her room, only one person at a time." The surgeon said and left, leaving Abby with
Raven, Sinclair, Clarke and Lexa. Abby wrapped her arm around Raven and guided her to a
nearby chair.

"Clarke told me that you were in a relationship with Hailey, is that true?" Abby asked and Raven
nodded, shaky.

"Yes, but we broke up a few weeks ago." She said and Abby nodded.

"Did you know about this? About the abuse?" Abby asked and Raven held back a sob, shaking
her head.

"No, she never told me. I'm so stupid, she would visit me and she would be all bruised and in pain
and she would come up with all this excuses, she told me the scars on her back were from a car
accident and sometimes she wouldn't change her clothes in front of me, she told me that
sometimes she got a few bruises because they got a little too excited in her martial arts class, she
told me she had been robbed and that a fight had broke out at the bar she plays at, sometimes she
would disappear for days and I never, never assumed, I never thought-" Raven started crying and
Abby only pulled her into an embrace.

"It's okay, it's okay, she's in good hands now."

"Can I see her?" Raven asked, voice shaking.

"In a few hours, right now she just left the OR, she needs to rest. The surgery she went through
was long and difficult and the bullet could have killed her instantly just by inches, it will take her a
long time to recover, she just needs rest and a lot of support, if your relationship with her is not
good you may want to leave, she can't handle any kind of stress or emotional turmoil right now."

"She's my girlfriend Abby, I won't leave her." Raven said, wiping her tears away and taking a
deep breath.

"You told me she's your ex, this incident doesn't change what went wrong between you both."
Abby said and Raven frowned.
"Do you think I give a fuck about what went wrong between us? The girl I love, the one I haven't
stopped loving for even a second even if I've hated her, was shot, was bleeding out in front of me
and the only thing she could think of in what she thought were her last moments was making sure
that I knew she loves me. All I want is to see her, awake, to talk to her and to let her know she
isn't alone and that I won't leave her again. I can save my anger for later." Raven said, her eyes
blazing. Abby squeezed her shoulder and nodded.

"Okay, I will come and get you when she's ready for visits." Abby said, standing up and leaving
Raven alone.

The omega watched her go, an hour or two had passed when she saw by the corner of her eye as
Lexa and Clarke stood up and walked towards the woman from child services.

She frowned in confusion and wiped the tears away from her cheeks, following silently as she
stood behind her friends.

"Is there anything I can help you with, ladies?" The woman asked as she stood up.

"Hailey had an evidence box." Lexa said and Raven felt like she was punched in the gut, just then
remembering that Lexa had told her about Hailey's father having a gun, about the lies. Lexa had
known.

A silent gasp left her lips, doubling over as she held her stomach, feeling sick, her face twisted in
pain.

"The abuse started when her mother died, she didn't say anything because she didn't want to be
separated from her sister and because she knew that the system was as bad or maybe worse than
the situation she was already in, she planned to go with the police as soon as she turned 18, so she
collected evidence, video tapes of what her father did, pictures of the injuries she has collected
over the years, recordings of the things her father screamed at her. All the evidence you need is in
a box hidden under a few loose wooden planks in the basement, the police won't notice it if it isn't
pointed out, Hailey made sure no one would find it." Lexa said flatly, the woman of child services
looked up at her with surprise.

"You knew about the abuse and you said nothing?"

"I was separated from my own sister when our parents died, i would have done the same Hailey
did." Lexa said, her voice hard.

"Did you witness the abuse?"

"Yes, I engaged in confrontation with her father once, trying to defend her."

"Would you be open to testify in court?"

"Yes." Lexa said and the woman nodded, standing up to make another phone call.

Lexa turned around when she heard a sniffle behind her, she clutched her eyes shut, knowing who
it was. Clarke was still standing by her side.

"Raven..."

"You knew about the abuse." Raven said and it wasn't a question.

"Raven, I..."
"Even if I wanted to keep our relationship a secret she told you about us, you knew I was in love
with her and you didn't tell me what she was going through." Her voice was deadly low, her body
tense and shaking, seconds away from snapping.

"Raven-"

"You knew the girl I love was being beaten into a bloody pulp in a regular basis, that her father
waved a gun in her face whenever he felt like it and you didn't tell me, you lied to me, you did
nothing!" Raven's voice was rising and people in the waiting area were turning to look at them.

"It wasn't my secret to tell, I promised her I would say nothing." Lexa said and Raven's bloodshot
eyes snapped towards her own.

"All of this is your fucking fault!" Raven shouted, rage lacing her voice, eyes watering for the
million time as she took a threatening step towards Lexa. "She almost died because of you, she got
shot and she almost bleeds to death in my arms because you were a fucking coward!" Raven
shouted, tears trailing down her cheeks. "I almost lost her because of you, you killed her the
moment you decided to stay quiet." Raven's voice was deadly quiet now. "You lied to me, you let
this happen, if she dies it is as much your fault as it is his. I will never forgive you for this."

"That's enough, Raven." Clarke said, stepping between the two girls, making Raven step back.
"You have no right to talk to Lexa like that, you broke up with Hailey, you told her things that no
one deserves to hear and that's why you are so angry, isn't it? Because yeah, her father beat her up
in a regular basis, but you broke her heart when you called her a drunk, a whore, when you told
her she was abusive and that she wasn't good enough. You have no right to dump all your anger
and hate on Lexa, when we both know that you are really angry at yourself, you hurt Hailey, you
left her while Lexa was doing everything in her power to help her, while you only added to her
pain. You left her when she needed you the most, you stepped on her heart over and over again,
rubbing Roan in her face, knowing damn well that she would see you with him and that it would
hurt, only to get home to her father. You are angry because you can't stop thinking about how
Hailey would have been at your house instead of hers if you hadn't broken up with her and she
wouldn't have gotten shot, you are angry because she always went to you when she needed a bit
of comfort and you took that away. You are angry at yourself and you won't put that on Lexa, I
won't let you." Clarke finished, her voice strong, shielding Lexa's body with her own and trying to
keep herself from caving with how much pain she was inflicting on Raven, on her friend.

Raven listened to every word, Raven was broken by every word, but she ignored the way her
heart shattered and used the broken pieces to build the hateful anger in her eyes, directing her gaze
at Lexa and lowering her voice to speak only five words.

"You are dead to me." She said and the words almost made Lexa crumble.

She walked away just as Abby was coming to get her and left with her towards Hailey's room.

Clarke turned to look at Lexa, her green eyes were dull, her shoulders down in defeat as she tried
to avoid Clarke's eyes.

"She didn't mean it, Lexa, you know that, she's just angry."

"Than why does it feel like she did?" Lexa said, her voice low and lacking of feeling, she didn't
let Clarke respond. "Can you take me home now?"

Clarke just nodded and guided Lexa outside.

............
She was quiet.

Clarke noticed right away, Lexa wasn't usually a chatty person and she guessed that after what
happened that day talking wasn't really in anyone's plans, but still, Clarke felt like it was
something else, something not really related to Raven, or Hailey. It was the way Lexa's eyes
looked, so haunted and hollow, showing a pain Clarke had only seen in her eyes once before, in
the dark of her bathroom with a storm raging outside. With a salty tear leaving a wet track over a
faded mating mark.

"She's going to be okay."

"We don't know that for sure, there can be complications."

"She got shot through the chest, and inch to the left and it would have hit her heart and it didn't,
she made it to the hospital after losing so much blood she had gone into shock and she still
breathes, she's strong and stubborn, she won't leave her sister now." Clarke told her.

"She was dead when we got to the hospital."

"They brought her back."

"No, they didn't!" Lexa snapped and the harsh flare of her pheromones made Clarke's skin crawl,
she swallowed hard and tried to calm the urgent beat of her heart.

"You are not talking about Hailey anymore." Clarke said, turning to look at Lexa to see the tight
clench of her jaw.

"I was sitting beside you in the car, watching them from the rear view mirror. Hailey was pale and
bloody, limp and blue, and Raven was holding her, crying with so much desperation and begging
her to stay, and suddenly I was back in Azgeda, Roan was driving and I was holding her in the
backseat, crying, desperate, begging her to stay, she didn't. I held her body for hours, until the
tears froze on my cheeks, and I begged and I whispered in her ear and I held her as tightly as I
could, just as Raven did with Hailey, and she still left."

Lexa didn't notice that Clarke had stopped the car, that the blonde had turned fully to look at her,
her mind was lost, and she, for the second time in one day, was back in Azgeda, trapped in Roan's
car, with the girl she loved, pale, blue and dying in her arms.

The feel of Clarke's soft palm against her own brought her back to the present. She took a deep
breath, lungs pushing against messed up ribs.

"We never made it to the hospital," Lexa said, not feeling like she could retell the story, Hailey
and Raven's faces getting mixed up with Costia's and hers in her head.

"We did make it this time." Clarke said, giving Lexa's hand a small squeeze, feeling her heart beat
hard in her chest and her throat close up with how uncomfortable she was, locked alone in a car
with an Alpha, without her dog, feeling like she needed to pull away. "We made it."

"What if we hadn't? What if even after making it she dies? I don't want Raven to feel this way, no
one deserves to feel this way."

"She won't and even if she does, we won't let Raven fall apart, we won't let her crumble, we will
be there for her, Raven will make it through all of this." Clarke reassured, looking at Lexa with
soft blue eyes.

"You promise?" Lexa asked, exhausted green eyes dull with pain and sadness.
"Yes," Clarke said, brushing her thumb against the back of Lexa's hand in an innocent touch. "I
promise."

..................

Raven was just outside Hailey's room with Abby, the doctor opened the door and they were
suddenly inside.

Hailey looked terribly small in her bed, her skin looking sickly grey under the harsh hospital
lights, Raven's heart fell and crashed as she moved to her side, holding a small cold hand between
both her own, there was a small line of stitches running along Hailey's left cheekbone, her nose
was bruised, and there was another cut on the left of her jaw. She couldn't see anything under the
blankets and the hospital gown, but she could see perfectly the intubation tube, shoved down
Hailey's throat, just like it had been shoved down Lexa's.

"Abby..." Raven's voice broke, cracked and faded. The doctor rubbed her back comfortingly.

"She's stable Raven, she's okay, we took care of the wounds on her back, they were a few days
old so we couldn't stitch them up, her ribs were only bruised and the surgery went well, we just
have to keep a close eye on her."

"The tube? Why can't she breathe on her own? Did the bullet...?"

"Her lungs are okay, intubation is needed in all surgeries that require general anesthesia, once the
anesthesia loses its effects and she wakes we will be able to take it out, it will just stay there for a
couple of hours." Abby said and Raven nodded, not bothering to wipe away her tears. "I'm gonna
give you some time alone with her, press that button if you need anything." Abby said before
leaving.

Raven looked down at Hailey, her hands hovering over her body, not knowing what to do, where
to touch. She caressed the top of her head and leaned down to kiss her forehead, throat feeling
tight.

She sat down besides Hailey's bed, took her hand gently between both of hers and kissed the back
of it, whispering against soft skin.

"I'm here baby, I won't leave you again, ever again, I promise." Raven pressed another kiss to
Hailey's knuckles, her throat aching and her voice breaking. "Just come back to me, please."
 Past (Edited)
Chapter Notes

EDITED

I noticed I made a mistake, it isn't really relevant, but it is fixed now.

Lexa sat at the table for a few minutes, thinking about what Clarke had just told her. Anger, at
being wrongly judged bubbled in her veins and she stood up, set on finding Raven and telling her
she was leaving. She was looking around the bar, trying to find her friend when someone called
her name.

"Hey, Lexa!" She turned around and found Hailey's dazzling smile looking back at her, her lips
tilted up slightly, her anger going down just a bit. "Come over here!" The omega yelled and Lexa
did, sitting at the bar, Hailey was on the other side, mixing drinks.

"Should I start calling you bartender?" Lexa asked, arching her eyebrows as Hailey put a drink in
front of her.

"Nope, Boss is fine." The omega smirked, tilting her head towards the drink so Lexa would take a
drink.

"Are you as good with drinks as you are with in instruments?" Lexa asked, picking up the drink
and putting close to her lips.

"Better." Hailey said, taking the two shots served on the table and having them without a blink.
"go ahead."

Lexa took a tentative sip and looking up with appreciation.

"What is this?" Lexa asked, taking another sip, it was strong, but it had a taste that made
everything go down smoothly.

"A good bartender doesn't go around revealing their secrets. So, why are you upset?" Hailey
asked and Lexa almost choked with her drink.

"I'm not upset."

"Lexa, we have known each other for a while now, and we have been fucking for a while now, I
know when you are upset. So if you don't wanna talk about it that's fine, but don't lie." Hailey
said, pouring herself another set of shots and downing them one after the other. Lexa watched her
quietly and sighed.

"Do you remember that costumer we had? The blonde girl? I told you she hated me and you made
me go help her anyways?" Lexa said and Hailey smiled, amused.

"Yeah, I remember, what's up with her?"

"She's a friend of Raven's so I hoped we could be friends, or at least civil with each other, but
apparently I'm not good enough for her cause I'm just looking for a hole to stick my dick in." Lexa
said, chugging down her drink and putting the glass down with loud bang. When she looked up
Hailey's face had sobered and she had a very serious expression.

"You know it is not like that, you don't go around looking for people to fuck, our thing happened
in a really extreme situation, I was in heat and yeah we kept doing it, it doesn't mean you only
value me for my hole. You know you aren't like that, why are you letting her affect you?" Hailey
said and Lexa asked herself the same thing.

"I don't know, I know I'm not like that, but I can't help feeling like this."

"You have to stand up for yourself." Hailey said and Lexa's eyes widened a little.

"No no no no." Lexa said, "the need to stand up for myself was beaten out of me a long time ago,
there's no point."

"That's bullshit." Hailey said and Lexa watched her get angry for the first time. "It is still there and
if it isn't we have to build it back up. I know there are times were we can do nothing but take it."
Hailey said, pulling the neck of her shirt down and showing Lexa her very bruised collarbone. "I
will take it as many times as I have to because I know that if I don't he will go for my sister and I
he will only get to her over my dead body, but there are times, moments where we can stand up
for ourselves, what's important is doing it safely, is being intelligent about it and to do it for the
right reasons. You are not a pushover, I won't allow you to and if blondie feels insulted and her
friends come for us we'll fight them together, okay?"

"Okay?" Lexa sighed, "what's the plan?"

Hailey smirked.

.........

Raven and O got back to the table, finding only Clarke sitting by herself. Raven immediately got a
bad feeling.

"Hey Clarke, where is Lexa?"

"I don't know, she just stood up and left."

"Left as in left the table or left as in left the bar?"

"I don't know, I wasn't looking." Clarke said, her voice short. Raven frowned and was about to
stand up to look for her friend when she heard the sound of someone tapping a microphone.

"Hey guys! I hope you are having a great time tonight." A female voice said through the speakers,
Raven tried to get a look of the small stage that was set up, but with the position of their table she
couldn't see much. "The band is almost ready to start the first set and I have a surprise for you, a
really good friend of mine is starting the set with a very special song we have never played here
before, she's crazy talented, has a great voice and her fingers fly over the strings. There is this
omega that has been giving her a shit time, this is for you blondie. Everyone, give it up for Lexa!"
The small crowd that had formed around the small stage exploded in cheers and Raven's eyes
widened, she stood from the table until she could see the stage and saw her friend, Lexa, holding a
electric guitar and apparently getting ready to sing.

Raven turned to look at Clarke, knowing exactly who 'blondie' was, her friend had gone
completely red in the face and just then Lexa started playing the guitar. Her voice came a little
after.
I don't even know you
So why you have to look at me
Like I'm your enemy
Go ahead and shoot me down
Bang bang, bang bang

Raven's eyes widened at the lyrics, her face splitting into a smirk as she looked back at Clarke, her
friend probably needed to pick her jaw up from the floor.

The crowd cheered for Lexa and for her voice. Raven watched her up there, more confident and
sure of herself than she had ever seen her in the time they had had together.

I could get to know you

And we could be homies
I bet you are lonely
But go ahead and say what you need to say
Bang bang, bang bang.

Lexa tilted her chin up in defiance, wishing that she could stare at blonde that had so rudely
judged her, but finding her nowhere in sight.

The cheering of the crowd, the clapping, the voices joining her in the chorus distracted her and she
stared at the crowd in front of her. Hailey was on the first row, giving her a sly smile and thumbs
up as the crowd behind her clapped and cheered for her, Lexa had never done anything like it
before and the knot of nerves in her stomach started loosening with the response of the crowd. She
heard the band behind her join her and prepared to sing the lyrics that followed.

Do you think that I'm beneath you?

Well see I don't believe you, go write a review
Go tell your friends, the jury, the judge, everyone
Bang bang, bang bang.

I don't need to hear you

Little man, big mouth, I've got you figured out....

Raven screamed and clapped, supporting her friend as she laughed, she knew Clarke must have
said something to Lexa for her to snap like this. She turned around a looked at Clarke, who was
looking redder by the second, her hands fisted at her sides as she stared at the table in front of her.

"You listening, blondie?" Raven said, feeling a little angry herself now that she knew that Clarke
had upset Lexa and trying to make her way to the front of the crowd, watching her friend as she
finished her song, the crowd exploding in shouts and claps as Lexa shyly thanked them and
waved goodbye.

Raven lost her for a second, not knowing where she had gone after she got off the stage. She then
saw her talking to someone, another girl and decided to wait for her where she was.

...........

Lexa hugged Hailey as tight as she could once she was off the stage, feeling her heart beating in
her throat with the adrenaline of what she had done catching up to her.

"You were amazing!" Hailey said, offering Lexa a drink so she could calm down a bit.

"Your song choice was very appropriate, so it wasn't just me, we did it together."
"Lawrence Taylor knew what he was doing. I need to go up there now, but I'll see you at the end
of the gig if you decide to stay, ask any of the staff for food or anything you want, okay? My
treat." Hailey said, taking the guitar from Lexa and moving towards the steps.

"No, that's not necessary, I'm fine."

"If I find that you didn't order anything, I'll get pissed and I'm your Boss, you don't want that."
Hailey threw over her shoulder, not waiting for Lexa's response as she made her way up the stage.

.............

Raven threw herself at Lexa as soon as she was on sight.

"Oh my God, Lex! That was amazing!" Raven gave her a bone crushing hug. "You should have
seen Clarke, she was so red! You pissed her off real bad! I'm so proud."

"You are proud because I pissed off one of your friends?" Lexa asked, amused.

"I'm sure she was being an ass, she must have said something for you to do that, so I'm happy you
just didn't let her get away with it." Raven said, keeping her arm around Lexa's shoulders as they
walked toward an empty table.

"Yeah, me too, I haven't done something like that in so long, I had forgotten how good it felt."
Lexa said smiling a little, unable to stop it. She didn't have to.

Suddenly plates with food and drinks were placed in front of them by waitress that smiled at them
upon seeing them, a beta.

"The Boss knew you probably wouldn't listen so she ordered for you, I saw you were with
someone so I made it for two." She said, looking at Lexa.

"Oh no, this is not necessary." Lexa said.

"It's on the house, my job is to get the food to the tables, wether you eat it or not is not my
problem." She said, giving them a smile before living.

"You are crazy," Raven said, putting some of the fries in her mouth, "if you are getting free food,
you don't deny it." Raven said seriously, pointing at Lexa with a fry, sporting a serious expression
that made Lexa chuckle. She heard Hailey's voice through the speakers, the buzzing crowd and
smiled, silently thanking her for everything. She couldn't see much of the stage from where she
was, it didn't matter, the sound was amazing.

"That chick sings crazy good." Raven said over a mouthful and Lexa shook her head in
amusement. "And so do you, I didn't know you could sing."

"You didn't ask."

"Any other secret talents I should know about?"

"I'd traumatize you if I told you." Lexa said, giving Raven a suggestive look, her friend chocked
on her food and started coughing loudly, making Lexa laugh as she patted her back.

"I didn't see that coming."

"Uncomfortable, isn't it?"

"A bit." Raven said, having some of her drink.

"A bit." Raven said, having some of her drink.

"You need to stop teasing me about my thing with my boss."

"Or, I could keep teasing you and you could not tease me back." Raven said, winking at Lexa,
who rolled her eyes.

The Alpha watched as Raven's friends made their way out of the bar, her green gaze briefly
getting caught in blue.

The next day Hailey didn't make it to work.

............

Becca regarded her patient with inquisitive eyes. Clarke was sitting stiffly in her chair, her hands
tightened around the leash of her dog, she was digging her nails against the palm of her hands,
digging, letting go, digging, letting go. She was biting her lip and refused to make eye contact.
Becca had asked a few questions, Clarke's answers had been short and since then they had stayed
quiet, becca didn't want to push, but if she didn't, their time would be over and there would be no
progress done, so she decided to try again.

"It has been a while since I've seen you like this," Becca said, "something changed, something is
bothering you and you aren't telling me what it is, if you don't give me something to work with I
won't be able to help Clarke, and that will only make it worse.

Clarke stayed quiet for a couple of seconds, nails digging against the palm of her hands and letting
go.

"There's someone new and I don't know what to do about them."

"An alpha, I assume." Becca said, Clarke nodded.

"Why do you feel like you have to do something about them? Why not just let them be?"

"She is everywhere." Clarke said and Becca looked at her with interest, the blonde seemed to get
only more tense as she spoke of this girl.

"Everywhere how?"

"She's at home, she helps mom with the garden, she's a friend of one of my best friends so she
hangs out with us, she works at the music store I go to with Dad and I'm sure I will eventually see
her at the club. She's related to people that are related to my parents, I just know I will only keep
seeing her and she throws me off."

"Why exactly? Has she approached you? Crossing the lines you have around yourself?"

"No, it is the contrary, she's careful not to get too close and she's never pumping out her
pheromones, I can hardly notice her scent when she's around..." Clarke said and Becca arched her
eyebrows a little, that kind of behavior seemed unusual for an alpha. "...with Bellamy and Wells,
and just most alphas in general, I know I have to be careful, to remind them that I don't want them
too close, I know they anger quickly and that they lack of patience and that they are usually loud
and possessive and hot tempered, I know that they can get a bit rough and misjudge their strength,
but this girl, she catches me off guard all the time, she's quiet and gentle and she gives me the
space I need without me asking for it. The distinctive scent of an alpha has always been what
triggers me the most, but she has such a control that I can't barely sense her scent."

Becca caught on what the problem was quickly.

"You are scared of her, her behavior is too bizarre to you, you don't know what to expect and that
scares you."

"It terrifies me, that she may get close and I won't notice, that this will make me comfortable with
her, that it will make me let her in and that I will get hurt again."

"You know the walls you have surrounded yourself with have to come down, Clarke, and by
what you say, this girl may be a good person to let through." Becca said.

"No, I want this walls, I need them, they keep me safe. And she's just like the rest of them. I know
it."

"She doesn't sound like everyone else, not with the description you gave me." Becca said, finding
Clarke's statement contradicting.

"I thought she was different, she was mated before and the loss of her omega seemed to hurt her,
but she's just sleeping with other people and her excuse for it is that this hook ups don't mean a
thing." Clarke said, her anger flaring. "I didn't mean anything to them either, what they did to me
didn't mean anything to them."

Becca nodded, understanding where Clarke was coming from.

"I believe this girl could mean that she didn't have any romantic feelings for the person she slept
with, not that she doesn't care about the omega who shared that moment with her." Becca said,
knowing perfectly well that sexual intercourse could mean many things, but understanding that
after what Clarke had been through things like this could quickly become sensitive subjects.

"But she lost her mate, how can she be in pain one day and sleeping with someone else the other,
it doesn't make sense." Clarke insisted, looking up at Becca for the first time and then looking
down again.

"Losing ones mate is extremely painful, it's like a part of you is severed, cut away, torn out of your
chest. She didn't just lose a person, she lost a part of herself, her partner, someone she connected
with, someone that gave her comfort, intimacy. Having that and losing it..." Becca trailed off,
sighing and seeing Clarke look up at her again. Becca softened her gaze and gave Clarke a small
smile. "I know where you are coming from, the way she expressed herself probably could have
been better, but I don't blame her for trying to find that comfort, intimacy, connection with
someone else, it may help her deal with her pain, we don't know what's going on, we shouldn't
judge, it is not our right and sleeping with someone else even if she's not in love with them doesn't
make her a bad person."

"You think she's trying to fill the space her mate left?"

"I can't come to any conclusions with just what you have told me, but she really doesn't sound like
the kind of person who would just use someone for pleasure." Becca said, noticing that they had
spent the majority of her session speaking about someone else. "Why is she affecting you so
much? Why is her sex life important to you?" Becca asked and Clarke's eyes widened, looking at
her lap again.

"It isn't, i just don't know what to do about her, i just want her to disappear, things were easier
before she came, she makes me anxious."

"She makes you anxious because she's different." Becca said with a small smile. "You don't know
how to protect yourself because she doesn't behave as most people do and that makes you even
more uncomfortable than usual. To me it seems like you are trying to find a excuse to put her into
the group of alphas that you consider disgusting, possessive, aggressive, even if another part of
you tells you that she's not like that. You are trying to find a excuse to push her away, because
most times she doesn't make you uncomfortable and that scares you because it means she could
get in and if she gets in she could hurt you." Becca saw drops of wetness hitting the back of
Clarke's hands, her heart squeezed in her chest just slightly, Clarke wasn't ready for this.

"I don't know what to do." Clarke said, voice shaky.

"I know." Becca said, knowing that this girl could make a different in Clarke's life, knowing that
she could make her more comfortable about being with alphas in the future. But also knowing that
Clarke simply wasn't there yet. "You said she's friends with your friends so you will have to see
her often, you will do what I've told you to do before, observe, assess and decide. You will
observe her behavior, you know she's not like the rest so you will have to learn how she works,
what's normal for her and what isn't and that will give you a sense of who she is, it will help so her
behavior doesn't throw you off. Assess how dangerous she can be, does she have bad temper?
Does she tend to get to close without noticing? Is she touchy? Does she have control over her
pheromones and emotions? Look for ways in which she my trigger you. Decide what you are
going to do about it, fight or flight, can you take what's happening? Can you not? Remember that
to make progress you have to push yourself, but not too much, if you feel like she may trigger
you, you flight, if you feel like you can take it, you fight." Becca looked into Clarke's watery eyes,
the blonde girl nodded and stood up, Becca walked her towards the door and they exchanged
goodbyes.

A few minutes later someone knocked on the door, Becca's assistant stepped in to tell her
someone had come to see her, a woman who wanted her sister to come to consult with Becca.

"Good afternoon, please, take a sit." Becca said, the woman did. "What can I help you with? My
assistant tells me that this is about your sister, is she outside?"

"No, no, I don't know how this works so I thought I could tell you some stuff about her before she
had her first sessions with you, I know she may be difficult once she starts coming and things are
not going too well at home, I don't know what to do." The woman said and Becca nodded, giving
the woman a nodded and asking her to continue.

"Our parents died years ago, she was 7, I was 14, we didn't have any other relatives so we entered
the foster system, we were separated, I was adopted, she wasn't. I got custody just a few months
ago and things aren't going as I expected they would." The woman said and Becca nodded, she
already had heard enough to know she would have another difficult case in her hands.

"Things aren't going how you expected in which sense?"

"She doesn't talk to me, she seems nervous around me, like she's scared and she doesn't seem
comfortable when I touch her. There have been also a few situations that I..." the woman's voice
broke and Becca stayed silent, giving her a few minutes to gather herself.

"Has she being violent with you?"

"No, no, quite the opposite, she's always submissive."

"That kind of behavior is common among omegas as I'm sure you know."

"She's an alpha." The woman said and Becca tried to hide her surprise, alphas weren't submissive
to Betas or omegas, the only submitted to stronger alphas, to alphas that forced them into
submission. "I came back home from work and she was kneeling by the bottom of the stairs, her
hair was up in a bun and she was shirtless, she had her head down and had a belt in her hands, I
didn't understand what was going on."

"She expected to be punished." Becca said and the woman gave her a shaky nod.

"She said she had broken a vase, I honestly couldn't remember what vase she was talking about,
she gave me the belt and showed me her back and I saw the scars and I accept I freaked out, I told
her to get changed, that I wouldn't hit her, but she started crying and I didn't know what to do and
my presence only seemed to make it worse, every time I moved closer she tensed and trembled
and I was telling her I wasn't going to hurt her, she was shaking her head and covering her ears
and I didn't know what to do."

"When did this happen?"

"Last night, I couldn't sleep, I talked to people, they said you were the best and a friend of mine
got me this spot, she's friends with your assistant, I hope she doesn't get in trouble for this I hope
you can treat my sister, she needs it." The woman said and Becca nodded.

"What happened after that? Did you help her calm down?"

"I tried leaving her alone, I thought that maybe she would realize that I wouldn't hurt her, but it
just made it worse, she started crying and talking to herself and telling me she deserved to be
punished. I called her friend, my sister reacts well to her presence, it took a long while but she
calmed my sister down enough to take her to her room."

"Okay, I would like to talk to her personally, see what she's open to tell me, if we don't make too
much progress I'll contact you and I will use the information you give me to push some buttons. It
is safe to say that she experimented abuse in the foster home she lived in before coming here."

"Yes." The woman said and Becca could see the barely concealed pain in her eyes. "I think she
was mated too, there is a faded mating mark on her neck, but she isn't experiencing any sickness
from distance, so her mate must be dead." The woman said and Becca nodded, remembering
briefly her conversation with Clarke, wondering.

"Okay. Now you will go and schedule an appointment with my assistant, fill in some paperwork. I
understand that with what's going on you are a little on edge, you forgot to tell me your name."

"Oh, I'm sorry, my name is Anya, Anya Woods-Forester, my sister is Lexa Woods."

"It was a pleasure to meet you Anya, I promise to do my best to help your sister." Becca said,
standing up and walking Anya towards the door.

.............

Raven woke up alone in Lexa's bed, she was undeniably shaken by what had happened the night
before, she looked all around the house for Lexa, but didn't find her, the pups were playing in the
backyard, plenty of food and water around for them. They rushed towards Raven as soon as they
saw her, Raven petted them, her heart in her throat with what had happened last night. Lexa
kneeling by the stairs, Lexa offering the belt to Anya, Lexa asking for punishment, her mind not
grasping the fact that there was really nothing to be punished for. Lexa's tear streaked face as
Raven helped her into a warm shirt, the way she curled into ball against Raven's chest and stayed
silent, not saying a word all night even if they both knew the other was awake.

Raven must have fallen asleep at some point, and when she woke up Lexa was gone.

She went back to the kitchen and found note stuck against the refrigerator.
Had to get to work.
See you tonight.
-L

Raven sighed and tried calling her, Lexa didn't pick up. She sighed again and went back to her
house, she had promised her dad she would work for him during the summer, she had been doing
it and she loved it, but now she didn't know how she would get there, Lexa would usually drop
her off on her way to the music store.

Raven showered, changed and called Monty, she went to breakfast with her friend, who noticed
her mood and her silence and decided to give her her space, dropping her off at her dad's auto
shop.

She tried calling Lexa again, she didn't pick up.

............

Lexa entered the music store, her hoodie covering most of her face, Hailey had been missing since
the night of the gig, almost for a week now. Lexa had been taking care of the store on her own
and didn't expect to see anyone when she went in, but her Boss was there, standing stiffly behind
the counter, their eyes met, both pairs dull and lifeless and in pain and Lexa felt like she was just a
step closer to her breaking point.

"Flip the sign." Hailey said and Lexa didn't move.

"We aren't opening today?" She asked and Hailey didn't move either.

"No." she said and Lexa flipped the sign.

"I'm okay, I can handle the store on my own if you need rest." Lexa said and Hailey laughed.

"That's bullshit, my sister lies better than you." Hailey said.

"I don't doubt it, she's your sister after all." Lexa shot back and Hailey smirked.

"Good one." Hailey rounded the counter to be closer to Lexa, she was limping.

"What happened?"

"Concussion, he had to take me to the hospital, I fell down the stairs and messed up my knee a
little."

"He pushed you, you mean." Lexa said.

"Semantics. What about you?"

"I broke something, freaked out." Lexa said, avoiding details, Hailey hummed.

"Happens to me too, I freak out when the cushions aren't placed as they should, or when my sister
drops food on the rugs, a stain equals a beating." Hailey said and the knot on Lexa's throat
loosened just a bit.

"I don't want to think about it anymore." Lexa said and walls covering Hailey's eyes were let
down. She moved to take Lexa's hand.

"I know."
"I just want everything to disappear, just for a moment."

"I know, lets go up stairs."

..............

She enjoyed the moment of bliss, chest heaving up and down as she fell into the warm body
beneath hers. She tucked her nose against the omega's neck, taking in the comforting scent as
calming pheromones flooded the room. In seconds the knot that had been building in her chest
since the vase fell and broke into pieces came undone and she was left sobbing against Hailey's
chest.

Hailey curled her arms around Lexa, caressing her back gently, tracing fading scars with her
fingers, tears trailing down her own cheeks. She didn't say anything until Lexa's body stopped
shaking.

"They told us we deserved the pain, the punishment, because we aren't good." Hailey said and
Lexa nodded, "they are lying Lexa, they are bad people, they lied to us. They told us we deserve
pain for our mistakes, but we don't, no one deserves pain, no one deserves to be hit, abused, no
one, not us. We are good Lexa, so good. They are liars, they are bad people, what they say is not
true."

"But I broke it, it was my fault, you get punished when you do something wrong." Lexa insisted,
voice muffled against Hailey's neck.

"Physical pain is not punishment, getting send to your room is punishment, getting no tv, or to
hang out with friends, or getting no car for a week is punishment. Getting hit, insulted, it is abuse
and it is wrong. We don't deserve the beatings we took, that's not the way to do things, it is wrong.
They did it because they are bad people, because they took pleasure from our pain, it is wrong,
they are wrong, we don't deserve it. We are good Lexa," Hailey hugged her tighter and Lexa's
eyes watered again, "we are so good." Hailey kissed the top of her head and made Lexa look at
her.

"Do you believe me?"

"What they did to us was abuse, not punishment. We don't deserve it, it is wrong. We are good."
Lexa said it all like a mantra, trying to convince herself and not quite succeeding.

"Yes, we are good." Hailey repeated, barely believing it herself as she took Lexa's face in her
hands and looked into her eyes. "We are going to forget, our memories are going to try to
convince us otherwise, they will haunt us and will try to make us believe we are bad, but we
aren't, and we are going to forget, but we have to remind each other when we forget, okay? We
have to remind each other we are good."

"Okay," Lexa said, nodding, "I won't let you think anything less, you are good." The Alpha said,
hugging the omega just a bit tighter.

"We are gonna believe it one day, I promise."

"We will." Lexa said and the hope and each other would have to be enough to keep them going
until then.

They laid together for a while, getting lost in touches and kisses that meant comfort and
reassurance more than they meant love. They whispered to each other how good they were
instead of professing love. They touched and they whispered and they kissed and they wrapped
each other in an embrace of safety and understanding until they were both too exhausted to be in
pain.

Lexa woke up feeling heavy in the body and light in the head, she covered Hailey's body with a
blanket, eyes caressing bare skin, bruised skin and scars as she tucked the soft fabric by the
omega's shoulders.

She stood up, not bothering to cover herself, and walked towards the bathroom. Lexa let the warm
water run down her neck, shoulders and back, her forehead pressed against the cold tile as she
allowed herself a moment of peace. The warm water soothed her overused muscles and calmed
the ache in her chest as she tried to remember what the omega had told her. You don't deserve it,
you are good, so good. She touched as many of her scars as she could and repeated the same, over
and over again. By the time she finished the water was cold and her fingers resembled raisins. She
washed her hair and her body slowly, noticing that it was the first time she had had a shower that
long. She didn't have permission to do it in any of her foster homes and she hadn't allowed herself
to do it at Anya's.

When she left the bathroom, freshly changed and a little sleepy, she sensed the smell of food and
walked towards the small kitchen. Hailey had showered too, and was already changed and
cooking, her hair was up in a messy bun and she had her shoes on, likes she was about to go out.

"Going somewhere?" Lexa asked casually, sitting on the counter and looking at the back of
Hailey's neck as she cooked.

"My sister's basketball practice ends in a bit, I have to go get her, do you want to come with?"
Hailey asked.

"Sure." Lexa said.

"Ok, load the car with two guitars and come back, we will eat and go."

An hour later they had left the house, and they were watching kids run around the basketball
court. They went to the park after, Hailey's sister was tired and laying on the grass as Hailey and
Lexa played a few songs together.

Late at night when Lexa made it back home Anya told her that she had an appointment with a
therapist and Raven was mad at her because she hadn't been answering her phone.

...............

Lexa was surprised when Clarke approached her one day. She had been under the blazing sun,
working in the garden with Mrs. Griffin, she was sweaty and hot and probably flushed. Clarke
offered her a glass of lemonade.

"Thanks." Lexa said and Clarke nodded.

"The song was maybe a little too much, don't you think?" The blonde said and Lexa shrugged.

"I don't think you would have listened otherwise, you are either glaring at me or yelling at me and
you don't even know me." Lexa said and Clarke nodded.

"I know, I'm sorry. What you do with your life is not my problem." Clarke said and Lexa nodded.

"So you are not sorry about judging, just about telling me about it." Lexa said, her face blank.
Clarke swallowed hard.

"You told me that what you did with that girl didn't mean anything, I shouldn't have said anything
about it, it is not my problem."

"Yes, it didn't mean anything, but that doesn't mean I don't care about her, because I do, and I
don't need to explain myself to you." Lexa said and Clarke stepped back, the strain in Lexa's voice
making dread crawl up her back.

"You are right, I don't know you and I shouldn't have judged you, even if what you said seemed
perfectly clear to me."

"Your opinion isn't necessarily the truth, things aren't black and white Clarke, keep that in mind."
Lexa said, turning to get back to her work.

..............

Hailey entered the auto shop, she was going to pick up her father's car, she had spoken with Mr.
Sinclair who told her that the car was ready and that his daughter was going to be in the auto shop
all afternoon if she wanted to pick it up.

Hailey watched the girl for a few seconds, amused, she was cursing, bent over a car doing who
knows what, visibly frustrated. Hailey would be lying if she said she hadn't started at her ass a
little, she knew who the girl was, an omega, the same omega that had Lexa's shirt soaked in her
smell, the same that had been at the bar the other night and that had openly flirted with Hailey to
get drinks. It wasn't necessary, Hailey already knew who Raven was and would have given her
the drink without any of the flirting, but it had been nice. The omega's smell was intoxicating, it
had been back then when she sensed it for the first time in Lexa's jacket and it was now, mixed
with metal and car oil.

Hailey stared for a bit longer, rushing forwards when the mechanic, stepped on a tool, cursed and
started falling backwards. Her ribs protested as Raven's back hit her chest, she tightened her jaw to
hold back a moan of pain and held the other omega steady, when she looked down warm brown
eyes were staring up at her.

"Bartender." Raven said, surprised.

"Mechanic." Hailey responded with a smile, helping Raven into a standing position, there was a
smear of black substance on Raven's cheek, it was endearing. "You won't flirt with me today?"
Hailey said, playful. Raven laughed.

"Well, do you have any alcohol around?"

"Ouch." Hailey put a hand over her heart, faking pain. "It was all about the alcohol, i thought you
wanted to get under my sheets. Way to get a girl's hopes up."

"Sorry to disappoint." Raven said, wiping her hands on a dirty rag. "Is there something I can help
you with?"

"I'm here for my father's car."

"Did he call to authorize you?" Raven asked, walking towards the office and looking through her
father's stuff. Hailey walked behind her and shrugged her shoulders.

"Well, I do hope so."

"Yeah, if not the trip here was for nothing." Raven said, not looking up, giving her back to
Hailey.
"I wouldn't say it was for nothing." Hailey said, her smooth voice filtering in Raven's ears. Raven
was glad she wasn't looking at the other omega, it allowed her to hide her blush.

"I.D?" She asked and Hailey stood next to her, giving her her drivers license.

"Hailey Hunter." Raven mumbled, her eyes widened a little, she knew that name, it was
everywhere. She turned to look at the girl besides her, Hailey looked tense. "You are a Hunter and
you spend your nights bartending."

"Just a few nights."

"Your family basically owns the city."

"I'm aware." Hailey said, voice tight.

"You make money in your sleep."

"If I don't sweat it, it isn't really mine." Hailey said and Raven looked into blue eyes with a new
found respect.

"Seems like we have something in common." Raven said, offering her the car keys, Hailey took
them and gave her a smile.

"You should come by the bar some time, we could hang out." Hailey said, casually shrugging.

"Okay," Raven said going back to the car she had been working on, "I'll think about it." Hailey
nodded and got into her father's car, driving away.

...............

"Lexa." Anya called as she watched her sister try to make her way silently towards her bedroom,
Anya probably wouldn't have heard her if the puppies' upaws didn't make so much noise against
the hardwood floors.

"Yes?" The Alpha said quietly, turning around to face her sister but keeping her eyes down.

"A letter came for you this morning." Anya said, offering it to Lexa. The alpha was going to take
it, but Anya pulled her hand away. "It is from Azgeda, someone called Roan, he is Nia's son."

"I know." Lexa said, knowing why Anya was reluctant to give her the letter.

"He didn't hurt me, he's my friend." Lexa said, but didn't attempt to take the letter from Anya.

The beta woman stayed in silence for a few minutes, thinking, before finally giving the letter to
Lexa.

The alpha rushed to her room with the puppies at her heal, closing the door and opening the letter
in a hurry.

Lexa,

You don't know how hard it was to find you. The house was taken away as a form of payment for
one of my father's debts. I managed to take some of your and Costia's stuff with me, I have her
bass, most of the books, the small keyboard Titus gave you and the shit guitar you got at that
garage sale, in all the mess it was broken, I didn't know if i should throw it away, so I kept it. I
now have your address and I'll get to Skaikru almost a week after you get this letter, I plan to give
this stuff back to you and then I don't know. I'm lost Lexa, everything was taken away, and I don't
this stuff back to you and then I don't know. I'm lost Lexa, everything was taken away, and I don't
know anything besides fixing cars and playing the chords you taught me. I guess I'll try to get a
job there, here no one wants to have anything to do with me, not now that they know what my
parents did. I hope this address was the right one and I'll see you soon.

Roan.
 Present: A voice

It was a horrible and tragic thought, she was choking, and she was familiar with the feeling.

The world was hazy and confusing and so very painful. She was familiar with that, too.

Her heart burned and the ardent pain expanded and racked everything within herself with every
beat, with every pulse. She had never felt something like it, but it was familiar, pain was all she
knew. And it was pushed to the back of her head as her foggy mind focused on the pressing
problem, she was choking, there was something blocking her throat, she couldn't feel her dad's
hands around it, so it must have been something else.

She could finally open her eyes, just a crack, she saw white, harsh lights and a blurry figure.

Raven.

The burning in her chest was making her eyes water, she wanted to scream, or was she screaming
already?

Sound came with her last thought and with it came beeping, constant, fast and annoying beeping,
she could hear it, muffled by Raven's voice and the choking sounds coming out of her mouth.

"Shh shh, it's okay." Raven said, Hailey could hear her, but couldn't really wrap her head around
the worlds, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't breathe.

Raven was suddenly gone and her panic reached incomprehensible levels, tears left wet tracks
down her temples as she clutched her eyes shut, as she tried to shout Raven's name, Hailey
wanted her back, that was the only thing she wanted.

There were more people around her, their voices sharp and strong and cold, like her father's. The
burning in her chest became too much to bear and she welcomed it as it took her away from the
cold voices.

...............

Raven sat besides Hailey's bed, shoulders haunched, head down. Being in pain was tiring and she
had never being as exhausted as she was then.

She could feel Abby's presence by her side, the doctor had a hand on her shoulder, rubbing
soothing circles on Raven's skin with her thumb, but the omega could barely feel it, the only thing
her mind could register was the feeling of Hailey's cold, lifeless hand in her own.

"It was a good thing, Raven." Abby whispered and Raven just stared at long, pale fingers, Hailey
had such elegant hands.

"She couldn't breathe, she was choking, didn't you see the look in her face?"

"She was fighting intubation, that means she can breathe on her own, we took the tube out, it is a
good sign." Abby insisted and Raven accepted it, but she wouldn't get over it any time soon. "She
will probably wake up again soon. I think it'd be best if you didn't say anything about her sister,
she's very delicate right now, she's not out of the woods yet."

Raven knew, Hailey's heart had already being torn by a bullet, she didn't need the heartbreak of
knowing her sister had been taken by child services.
"Okay." She said and Abby nodded.

"You know what to do if you need anything."

"Thanks, Mama G." Raven whispered and Abby kissed the top of her head.

............

Her horribly pale face twisted into a grimace and Raven's heart jumped and got stuck in her throat,
heavy and bruised eyelids opened a crack, letting glazed blue eyes peak through. Raven's eyes
watered in response as she squeezed Hailey's hand in her own.

"Rave..." she said, the word coming out between a hoarse whisper and a mumble. The left corner
of her lips tilted up and Raven's heart broke just a little further.

"Hey, baby." Raven whispered back, pressing a kiss to the back of Hailey's hand. Raven watched
her eyes widen just a bit and the heart monitor picked up its pace.

"I'm dead." Hailey said, voice coming out in a rasp, throat, chest, everything, burning.

"No, you are alive, don't say that." Raven said, a tear slipping down her cheek.

"Raven hates me, you don't seem to hate me..." she trailed off and her eyes lost focus, Raven
thought she would pass out again. "This must be my paradise, where Raven, my Raven..." Hailey
trailed off again, her eyelids falling over her eyes heavily as she mumbled Raven's name. The
mechanic could barely keep it together.

Raven cupped Hailey's cheek with her hand, blue eyes fluttered open at the touch and a smile
fought its way to Hailey's mouth.

"You are very much alive and I love you more than I can explain."

"He can't get us here." Hailey whispered and a shiver made its way down Raven's spine. "I won't
let him get you... I'll keep you safe...I won't let... I won't... I..." Hailey was getting agitated and
Raven could see it, so she leaned forwards, tilted her head down and shut her up with a kiss, like
she always did.

Raven sighed against her lips, her heart beating erratically in her chest as she felt the faint pressure
of Hailey's lips against her own, the lack of passion, the lack of intensity, simply, the lack of
Hailey, who faded away and into unconsciousness with Raven's lips still pressed against hers.

...........

Clarke sat silently next to Lexa, doing nothing. They both needed the company, Clarke knew she
would lose it as soon as she was alone, blood was the only thing she could see, she had washed
her hands as well as humanly possible, but there was still redness under her nails, she scratched it
away forcefully, only stopping when Lexa put her good hand over both her own.

The touch, as soft as it was, almost made Clarke jump out of her skin.

"I'm sorry, I just don't want you to hurt yourself." Lexa whispered, curling her fingers gently
around Clarke's, keeping her from hurting herself with her own hands. "I won't hurt you Clarke, I
promise." Clarke stared at Lexa's hand in her own, at an alpha's hand touching her. Bile rushed up
her throat and an internal struggle broke out inside her chest. She let go of Lexa's hand, but didn't
move away from her completely.
"Maybe it's a little too soon for that." Clarke whispered, wrapping her arms around herself,
focusing in staying in control.

"I'm sorry." Lexa said.

"Maybe if you tell me first, so I can be ready?" Clarke said, turning her head to look at Lexa, the
girl wasn't even trying to hide how devastated she was.

"Okay." Lexa said, she let the minutes pass by and then called Clarke's name.

"Yes?"

"Can I hold your hand?" Lexa asked and the only thing Clarke could see was how broken she
was. "I'm not okay."

Lexa needed someone to ground her, Raven an Hailey were gone, Anya wasn't home yet, she
was alone. The thought made her eyes water, her chest constrict, she fought to keep the tears at
bay, but she wasn't strong enough, not with everything that had happened.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to push you, I'm sorry." Lexa whispered, her shoulders shaking with
repressed sobs as the dogs by her feet moved with discontent. Faya, the husky, whined loudly and
jumped on the couch, settling next to Lexa and pressing her cold nose against her neck, licking
gently. Gona stayed sitting by her feet, his ears back as a rumbling sound flowed from his chest,
he was her protector, he wouldn't leave her side. Harley rested her head on her lap, quietly
offering comfort as the husky continued whining gently, they all could feel Lexa's pain.

Clarke breathed in deeply, trying to calm herself as her nose was assaulted by the strong scent of
Lexa's distress. As an omega, her instinct told her to comfort, to soothe, to calm Lexa's pain, but
the thought of getting to close, while they were alone, didn't sit to well with her. She reached for
Lexa's hand and held it with her own, releasing soothing pheromones as she gently caressed the
back of the alpha's hand with her thumb, it was the only thing she could offer.

Lexa turned to look at her, surprised, knowing just how difficult it was for Clarke to do what she
was doing. She looked into soft blue eyes with her own green ones and gave Clarke a soft nod, a
thank you, before tightening her grip around the omega's hand.

Clarke knew it probably wasn't enough, she had seen Lexa with other people, how she buried her
head in Hailey's shoulder and hugged her as tight as she could, how she wrapped her arm around
Raven's shoulders as they walked around school, how she relaxed when Raven caressed the back
of her neck or her hair. Lexa liked affection, relied on it, maybe she wouldn't start it, but she made
the most out of it when it was given to her, she found comfort in it, and it was something Clarke
couldn't give her.

"This is more than enough." Lexa suddenly said as if she could read Clarke's mind. "Thank you."
She whispered and allowed her tears to fall freely, being in too much pain to hold them back.

Clarke swallowed hard, her chest aching a bit at the quiet, distressed sounds coming from Lexa's
throat, her own walls crashing down as the dam broke and her tears fell.

They sat next to each other, crying, holding hands, silently coming to an agreement. They would
be there for each other, they would give each other what they could and it would be enough.

Eventually Lexa fell asleep with her head leaning back against the couch, her face tilted up
towards Clarke, her lips parted slightly. She was exhausted, Clarke could see it, and she was still
recovering from what had happened to her, the blonde knew the the alpha's body had taken a lot
more than it could take at the moment. She let her nap for a few hours before standing up to make
them both something to eat. She also called her mom her to see how things were going at the
hospital.

"Lexa." Clarke called softly, repeating the alpha's name until she woke up entirely. "You have to
eat something. I made some food."

Lexa groaned and clutched her eyes tightly shut, holding her head with her uninjured hand.

"I'm nauseous always, I have a headache always. I think I've puked enough today." Lexa said,
looking at Clarke with an apologetic expression.

"All of this should help settle your stomach, the tea will even help soothe your throat after being
sick so many times."

"You know the problem isn't really my stomach, my head is fucked up and it fucks up my
stomach." Lexa said, getting nauseous at the mere thought of eating.

"I know, but there's less chance that you get sick after eating this, I swear it over my Leica
camera." Clarke said and it pulled a smile out of Lexa.

"Okay, I believe you now." She said, reaching for the tea. "How is the journal going?"

"Sucks, with you gone they paired me up with this guy I don't remember ever seeing before, what
he writes doesn't do justice to my pictures." Clarke said sighing and turning to look at Lexa, who
was still sporting a small smile. "What?"

"Nothing," Lexa said, sheepish, "sounds like you miss me a little, that's all." She said, Clarke
noticed that she wasn't really trying to tease, she actually looked a little embarrassed with what she
was saying.

"I miss you a lot really," Clarke said, and Lexa's eyes widened a little, "Lexa, you are greatly
underestimating how shitty what he writes is, and it is not nice to go to events with him, he's
always trying to talk to me so he doesn't pay attention to what's going on and then when he has to
write about it, he can't cause he has no idea what happened and I end up retelling whatever
happened, it is annoying. You always did your job right, you always had your part ready to turn
in, he doesn't, he makes us both look bad." Clarke said and Lexa chuckled at the exasperated look
on the blonde's face. "Sure, laugh at my misery."

"I'm not laughing at your misery, I just always thought working with me was torture for you."
Lexa said.

"It was difficult," Clarke said, there was no point in the denying it, "you know why now," Lexa
nodded in understanding, "most of it was in my head, you know? Sometimes I forgot you were an
alpha and that scared me out of my mind, so if I was cautious around everyone, I was even more
cautious with you, in my head, it made you more dangerous."

"I get it now, I imagine asking you out wasn't helping either." Lexa said and Clarke smiled,
shaking her head.

"No, I had major internal freak outs every time. I don't quite understand why you wanted to go out
with me to begin with, I wasn't the nicest person." Clarke said, and Lexa shrugged with her
uninjured shoulder.

"I knew it wasn't you, I didn't know why you had all those walls around you, but I knew there
was more to you than them, there's always more to a person than their walls. You let me see
glimpses of the person behind the walls a few times, during lit, or with the way you expressed
yourself through your pictures and drawings, things you said, the way you treated others... I
wanted to get to know that person better, I guess, it didn't really have much to do with romance."
Lexa said and Clarke arched her eyebrows.

"Really?"

"Really, I'm not ready, Costia is still too recent." Lexa said, and Clarke nodded.

"You should have said that, I always assumed you wanted something else. Usually when an alpha
asks an omega out it is because they want to date them, or other things..." Clarke said and Lexa
blushed a little.

"I have only dated one person my whole life, so I really don't know how it works." Lexa said,
visibly saddening.

"Only her?" Clarke asked, her heart bleeding a little for the alpha. Lexa nodded.

"I was sure she was it for me."

"I'm sorry, Lexa." Clarke said and she meant it. "I can see how much you loved her."

"I loved her more than anything. I love her more than anything, I don't think it will ever go away,
I'm thankful for the time we had together, it wasn't enough, but still."

"You were really young when you met her?"

"I was 12," Lexa said with a smile, "we were both foster kids, just from different houses, so we
stuck together, by the time we were 13 we had already kissed, she was my first and I was hers, I
would take her for cheap ice cream every Thursday after school, she couldn't be late so we ate it
as I walked her home. I knew her life in that house was hell so when my social worker came to
relocate me, because my foster parents wanted to have kids of their own so they wanted to get rid
off the extra baggage, I begged her to put me with Costia, I begged her to put me in hell. Costia
begged me not to do it, we both knew that they would probably move me to another city, or
worse, to another clan, but she preferred that over me living with her in that house. I didn't listen, I
needed to protect her and I convinced my social worker to ask Costia's foster parents if they were
willing to take in one more kid. They obviously wanted the money so they took me in. I lived with
them for the next three years, until Anya got my custody, Costia had been dead for about six
months."

"Do you regret it? Asking to be put there?" Clarke asked.

"No, I got to protect her, that's all I wanted, everything else doesn't matter." Lexa said and Clarke
nodded.

"I'm sure you will see her again." Clarke said and Lexa smiled a little.

"I hope so."

..........

"Clarke?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think that if I had asked you to go out in a different way, if I had been more clear and
told you I only wanted to be your friend, things would have been different?"
"No, I don't think so."

Lexa didn't say anything.

"I wasn't ready for that either."

"Are you ready for that now?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

..........

It happened again, she woke up and found only white, beeping and Raven.

"Raven... what?" She trailed off, she had only gotten two words out and she already wanted to go
back to sleep.

"You are okay, you are safe." Raven whispered, gently caressing her hair. Hailey looked at her,
Raven looked worn, deeply exhausted, her eyes were dark and hollow, Hailey didn't want to see
her like that.

"What happened to you? What's wrong?" Hailey asked, finding that she couldn't even lift her
head, her voice sounded so weak, she could barely recognize it. Raven's eyes watered and Hailey
only wanted to make her feel better.

"You were shot."

Shot. The word bounced in Hailey's brain, flashes of a very clear memory going through her head.

"Where is my sister?" Hailey asked, her weak voice filled with pain as the heart monitor besides
the bed quickened its pase, Hailey grimaced, her chest burned.

"She is okay," Raven whispered, "don't worry." Hailey seemed to deflate at the words, feeling so
dizzy with relief she thought she'd pass out. She was so exhausted.

"I wanna see her." She mumbled, the fight drained out of her as soon as she knew her sister was
safe. The scorching pain in her chest was more than she could take. Raven stared at the heavy
palor of her face and pushed the nurse call button.

"They don't let kids into the ICU, maybe in a few days when they move you to a room." Raven
said and Hailey's eyes fluttered closed for a moment, she was so pale, so weak, Raven felt like
crying again and she did.

"Your father shot you, Hailey. Why didn't you tell me about him?"

"Because I love you." Hailey said, eyes closed and tone flat, the words made Raven's breathing
shake, the last time she had heard them she thought she would never hear them again.

"You love me, but you lied, how can you say that?"

"Lying and loving are not mutually exclusive, I lie to everyone I love if I have to, to you, to my
sister, to Lexa, if I can save you pain by lying then I will." Hailey grimaced, her face paling
further as her hand shook slightly in Raven's.
"Lexa knew about this, she didn't say anything and you ended up here because of her." Raven
said, angry, and Hailey cracked her eyes open to look at her.

"No, Raven," Hailey said, her voice tinted with anger as well, "she's the reason why I didn't die
sooner, she took care of me, she saved me more times that I can count, she's the reason why I'm
still here, I'm sure my sister called her that they, didn't she? If i couldn't count on her, i if didn't
have her to support me my sister would have had no one to call and I would have died and you
wouldn't have found out..." Hailey trailed off, she was out of breath, the burn that flooded her
chest when her lungs expanded was too agonizing, she almost wanted them to stop altogether.

Finally the nurse decided to appear, she saw the sick paleness of Hailey's skin and her labored
breathing, beads of sweat shinning on her forehead, she quickly paged a doctor and Clarke's
mother quickly came bursting in.

"Hi Hailey, I'm doctor Griffin, I'm going to give you a quick check up, okay?" She didn't really
wait for an answer a she could see the girl was losing consciousness quickly, she checked
pupillary response and gave a look at the monitors.

"Oxygen levels are a little low, let's get her set up with a mask." Abby told the nurse, who quickly
started moving around the room.

"Honey, I need you to tell me if you are in any pain."

"Burns." Hailey whispered and Abby gave her a nod, even if she couldn't se her.

"From 1 to 10, how bad is your pain?"

"9."

"Okay, you don't need to hide your pain, you can tell us and we will help you." Abby said,
nodding towards the nurse, who quickly moved to set up the I.V medication. "I'm going to check
your surgical wound now, it is very recent so a little pain is normal, you are doing as well as
expected right now, okay?" Hailey tilted her head down in a nod and Abby opened the front of
her gown, black spots danced in front of Raven's eyes at the sight of it, it was long and red,
running from the top to the bottom of her breastbone, dividing Hailey's chest in two.

"Raven, I think it's best if you go back home." Abby said, keeping her eyes on the wound.

"No, I-"

"You are not her family and this is the ICU, she shouldn't be talking, or dealing with anything
right now. I already pushed it enough with letting you stay the night here, it is against the rules,
you can go home, rest, and come back later, or I will have to ask security to help you outside."

"Then I'll just stay in the waiting room."

"Don't make me call security, I want you back home, now." Abby said and when she saw that
Raven was about to protest she added. "If you think that I won't call security, you are wrong."
Abby said, closing Hailey's gown and covering the unconscious girl's body up to her chin.

"What if something happens and I'm not here? You have said it yourself, she not out of the woods
yet."

"I'll ask one of the nurses on the night shift to call you, I promise." Abby said, "come with me, we
can talk to her together." Raven sighed, giving Hailey one last, long look before pressing a soft
kiss under the line of stitches on her cheek.
"Okay."

.........

Clarke was back at home, with Atlas by her side, her hand tightly clenched around his fur, he had
his head on her belly and was the only thing keeping her grounded right then, she couldn't sleep,
she considered calling Becca, but it was way too late.

Her phone started ringing and she answered without paying attention to the caller I.D.

"Clarke?"

"Lexa?"

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called. I'll let you sleep." The Alpha rushed out and Clarke sat up in
bed, surprised.

"No, no, it's okay, I wasn't asleep."

"I didn't know who else to call. I don't know if this is alright?" Lexa asked, unsure.

"It is, it is a lot easier to be with you like this." The blonde admitted, no alpha scent, no people. It
was just her and her dog and a voice.

"Oh, really?"

"Yes."

"I don't want to push you Clarke, I don't want you to force yourself to do this. I've been out of
control lately and I have seen how it affects you and I'm sorry."

"I feel like you are in a bad place right now Lexa, you are blaming yourself because of what
happened to Hailey, to Rose, about Raven's pain, you are putting it all on yourself and now you
are putting my problems on you too. You are a person, I can't ask you, or anyone to hold back
their feelings and emotions for me, it would be unfair." Clarke said, honestly, hearing Lexa sigh
on the other line.

"I don't want to make it worse."

"I know, but if I don't push myself a little I'll never get better, you are always trying to keep
yourself in control, I can't ask you to do it even more, it'd be wrong of me to ask and it is wrong of
you to do this to yourself." Clarke said, getting surprised when Lexa laughed a little.

"You are not taking me seriously."

"I'm sorry Clarke, I am, I promise, you just sound so much like my therapist." Lexa said and
Clarke couldn't help but chuckle a little.

"I'm actually thinking of doing that for the rest of my life, so I'm going to take it as a compliment."

"Well, it was, but really? You want to major in psychology?"

"Why is it a surprise?" Clarke said, smiling a little at the tone of wonder in Lexa's voice.

"You are an artist Clarke, I mean, the stories you write, your paintings. What about all of that?"
Lexa asked.
"You think I'm talented enough to make it in that field?"

"Of course, your art is kind of the only reason that kept me from thinking you were an asshole."
Lexa said and Clarke's eyes widened, she chuckled.

"Guess I deserved that."

"Your mind is beautiful, that's what I was trying to say." Lexa said, trying to rectify what had
probably sounded like an insult.

"Most of the time I feel like there's only darkness." Clarke said and the other end of the line went
quiet for a couple of seconds.

"I know the feeling, but the night is dark and still beautiful." Lexa said and Clarke's eyes widened
just a bit further.

"Did you just quote me?" Clarke said, flabbergasted.

"I don't know, did I?" Lexa said, but they both knew that she had. "I listen to you Clarke, as do
others, you have a voice, you aren't invisible."

"I forget, sometimes."

"I know, I do too." Lexa said, quietly. "I think that's part of the reason why Hailey is so important
to me, she includes me in everything that's important to her, early on when I got here Raven was,
well she still is, very protective of me, she shielded me, I loved it and I still do, it was nice to have
someone there to keep me safe, instead of the other way around, she just made me feel smaller
sometimes, more fragile than I already felt. With Hailey it was the opposite, she introduced me to
people, she made me audition to be on her band, sometimes I felt like she was showing me off,
you know? She convinced everyone that I was more amazing than I thought I was, and I started to
believe it-" Lexa's voice broke and Clarke's heart cracked with it.

"She's going to be okay Lexa, I promise."

"What if she doesn't? I don't want to lose her, she's important to me and Raven will hate me
forever, she won't ever forgive me if that happens."

"Raven is angry at herself more than she's angry at you, there's nothing to forgive. She will be
back because she loves you and I'm sure Hailey won't put up with her treating you as badly as she
did in the hospital. Hailey will probably make you sing her a song, or something." Clarke said,
smiling to herself when Lexa laughed.

"You still remember that?" Lexa asked, Clarke had successfully diverted her attention.

"How could I ever forget? It was embarrassing, I was truly mortified."

"I'd apologize, but I'm not really sorry about that." Lexa said, Clarke could hear she was feeling a
little sheepish.

"You shouldn't, it was a good way of standing up for yourself, the lyrics of the song were really
fitting."

"You remember the lyrics?" Lexa asked, surprised.

"From beginning to end. Don't tell Raven though, she enjoys herself way to much when that song
starts playing and I pretend to be bothered by it. You sounded good, really good."
"You could say you have been serenaded and it wouldn't be a lie, you can keep the song to
yourself, no one has to know."

"Sure, that's something I'd surely brag about..."

They continued talking on the phone until the strain left Lexa's voice and Clarke unconsciously
unclenched her hand from Atlas' fur.
 Past

Clarke remembers hating it. She hated it because she had to leave her house, she hated it because
she had to be around people, she hated it because it made her anxiety choke her and she couldn't
breathe.

She hated it because after the greetings and the light talk came the same question, it was always
the same question.

What do you feel, Clarke?

At the beginning she didn't know how to respond, she thought it was stupid, the typical therapy
question that everyone mocked psychologists with. She had told Becca how stupid she thought it
was, the woman had smiled and asked her why she couldn't answer if it was such a stupid
question.

Clarke hated it more after that.

Some days she felt so many things she couldn't separate one feeling from another, some others she
couldn't feel anything, so she had nothing to say, those days were scary, they made her feel like
she was dead.

"I know it is difficult Clarke, but we can't deal with things, we can't accept them and work on
them if we don't make ourselves conscious of them, and the only way to do that is to speak it out
loud, to say it." Becca had said, early on their sessions, when Clarke still couldn't look at her, or
anyone, in the eye. "Think about it for a few minutes and then tell me, it doesn't have to be a long
explanation, it doesn't have to be a how, just a what, one word." Becca had paused and Clarke
had continued to stare at her finger tips, she was shaky, she could feel it and see it and it wouldn't
stop until she was back in a safe place, until she was back in her room, at her house, with her
mom. "What do you feel, Clarke?" Becca had asked again and Clarke had shuddered at the sound
of her name, she could only hear different dirty and perverted versions of it echoing in her ears.

Now It was better, she felt safe with Becca, she liked to talk to Becca, they had been doing it for
quite some time, so most of the heavy subjects had been dealt with and only visited when
necessary, Clarke was better, just not better enough and she didn't know how to move forwards,
which is why she still kept going to her therapy sessions, why she kept going to the group
sessions, why she had Atlas to keep her from going fucking crazy, her dog was everything.

Clarke sighed, sitting down in front of Becca, Atlas at her side, remembering how she couldn't
look at her therapist in the beginning, back then she had been offered to lay down so she could
stare at the roof instead, but she hadn't felt comfortable lying down, so she had ended up sitting
with her back to Becca, staring at the wall. Clarke smiled at Becca and the woman smiled back,
probably keeping track with what Clarke was thinking about. Progress, progress, progress.

And after all that time, the session still started with the same question. Clarke stared at Becca's
nose while she said the words.

"What do you feel, Clarke?"

And the blonde girl took a moment to remember what her answeres had been in the past.

Shame

Guilt
Guilt

Powerlessness

Anger

Sadness

Hopelessness

Fear

Unworthiness

Numbness

Weakness

Vulnerability

Lack of control

She had felt used, tainted and completely destroyed, too.

Becca had focused on making sure the guilt was out of her system, it hadn't been her fault, she
didn't provoke it, she didn't want it, she had denied and he, they, had still done it, it wasn't on her,
it wasn't on anyone who had ever gone through the same thing as her, she wasn't guilty.

Clarke remembers fighting Becca about it, with arguments that were torn down by the therapist in
seconds.

I was underage, I shouldn't have gone to the party to begin with.

My friends warned me about him, I didn't listen.

He was older, I should have known he wanted more than hand holding and ice cream at the park.

Isn't that what couples do?

She remembers clearly what Becca had told her then.

"If today I get home from work, really tired and exhausted and I lay in bed next to my husband
and he tries to touch me in a sexual way and I tell him no, simply cause I'm tired, and he keeps
doing it, it is still sexual assault, even if I love him, even if we are married, even if we have been
together for years, if I don't want to and he just touches me I could sue him, I could get him locked
up, because I didn't want to. You were clear with him Clarke, you had told him, multiple times,
that you weren't ready."

"But at the party, I can't barely remember anything, what if I didn't say no, what if I didn't tell him
to stop." Clarke was crying by then and Becca had helped her calm down before continuing.

"Intoxicated is no, drugged is no, drunk is no, because a person in that state can't say no, and
being unable to say no it is not yes, silence is not yes." Becca said and looked into Clarke eyes as
she said the next few words. "It was not your fault, Clarke."

"Clarke?" Becca asked, and the girl looked up at her, startled.

"Sorry, I got lost in my head a little bit." The blonde said, running her hands down the soft fur on
Atlas' back, the border collie was sitting right next to her.

"That's okay, as long as you share what you were thinking about."

"Our previous sessions actually, I think I've gotten better." Clarke said and Becca smiled.

"You have, there is no way to deny that, so we could say that the feeling of the day is..."

"I am proud, just a little." Clarke said, giving her therapist a small smile.

"Really proud, I'd prefer."

"Sure." Clarke said and Becca shook her head slightly.

"Is there anything in particular you'd like to talk about, or...?"

"I have something." Clarke said and Becca smiled, to think she could barely say anything at the
beginning.

"Okay, go on."

"There's something that has been hurting me for a while now, and I don't know how to make it
better. It's my friend Raven, I think I've told you about her before."

"You have been friends with her forever, like with Bellamy, Wells and Octavia, did you have a
fight with her?"

"Not exactly, she has just been gone lately and I miss her."

"Since the accident, you mean." Becca new all about it, it was a touchy subject for Clarke, one
they had visited before a few times.

"Yes, she just pushed everyone away, she doesn't want to see us, or talk to us..."

"She hasn't been there for you with what happened?"

"I know she cares about me, I just don't think she's able to be there for me when she's struggling
so much herself, what happened to her is traumatic, almost losing her leg, not being able to walk
properly, all the therapy and the pain, pain she's still on, everyday, cause it won't go away. She
can't just push that all away to support me, not when she can't support herself. I'm not mad at her,
if that was what you wanted to know with the question, I'm just upset cause I feel like our
friendship is falling apart, she's hanging out with new people and we are being left behind and I
don't know what to do."

"Do you think she's dealing with what happened to her?"

"No, not properly at least, she doesn't like herself like this, she doesn't love herself like this, she's
ashamed of her leg and maybe we made it worse by making her feel she can't do some things,
even if she really can't do them. It's all really complicated."

"Have you told her what you feel?"

"Sort of, she told me that I had to stop treating her like she was useless, basically. And we have
been hanging out a bit."

"Seems like you are handling things pretty well then."

"The problem is she brings the Alpha all the time, the one I told you about last time." Clarke said,
and realization downed on Becca.

"Okay, let's see..."

............

Lexa dropped her head on Raven's shoulder and sighed, they were at the dog park, so the pups
were running around with other dogs, while they sat under the shade of a tree.

"Anya is gonna send me to see someone." Lexa whispered, and Raven's fingers, that were gently
massaging the back of her neck, faltered for a second.

"What do you mean? Send you where?"

"To see someone, like a therapist." Lexa said, pulling away to look right into Raven's eyes. "Do
you think I need this? Am I out of my mind?"

"No, of course not," Raven said, taking Lexa's hand in her own and closing her fingers around
hers. "I think we all need to see someone, I mean, there are things we can't deal with on our own,
small, big, whatever, sometimes we need help, all of us. That doesn't mean you are out of your
mind."

"What about you?" Lexa asked and Raven let out a chuckle, it made Lexa smile.

"I have too much pride to accept I need help, it would wound my ego deeply." Raven said, being
as honest as she could be.

"Your leg doesn't take anything away from you." Lexa said, knowing that most of Raven
insecurities came from what had happened to her.

"It does, it takes away many things. I can't drive because my leg could just go numb and not
respond and I could crash, I can't run, or jump, or go to the gym, I can't dance. I can't stand
without pain, or sit without pain, or exist without pain, it never goes away Lex, and it's sad,
having to get used to pain is sad, things shouldn't be like this." Raven took a deep breath and
looked at Lexa in the eye, "if I ever met a super hot alpha, that was kind and caring and sweet, I
wouldn't be able to date them, because being with them during heat, or rut, could result in a lot of
pain for me, they would need relief from someone and I wouldn't be able to give it to them, we
wouldn't be able to have a normal relationship because in one wrong move I could be screaming
in pain and maybe they wouldn't be able to stop and how could I blame them for that?"

Raven took a deep breath and looked away from Lexa for a second, knowing her eyes were
getting misty.

"I am less than what I was before, and I don't think I can ever accept that."

"I'm sorry, Raven." Lexa said and Raven prepared herself to hear the pity speech. "I just don't see
it that way." Raven's widened a little, she did not expect that.

"What?"

"I didn't know you before, but I don't think you could ever be less, in my head it just doesn't make
sense. You are not less, you are different, that's all. Maybe you can't drive, or dance, or jump, or
go to the gym, but that only means you have more time to fix cars, to study, do research, get more
brilliant than you already are. You can't dance all night, but maybe one dance or two wouldn't hurt
and yeah, maybe alphas are just not for you, but you can always date omegas, or betas, it is not as
common, but it can happen. Yeah, there are things you can't do, but that just means you can get
better at the things you can, you can explore, find other things to enjoy. I might be biased, cause I
love you a lot, and you are my friend and I don't want to know how my life here would be if I
hadn't met you, but to me you are perfect, just like this, to me your leg just is just a free pass to get
all big bad protective Alpha with a valid reason and not just because." Lexa said, smiling when
she heard Raven laugh.

"So basically, you would use my leg as an excuse to beat people up."

"Yes, the spirit knows I wanted to rip Murphy's throat off, I would have done what I did that day
if your leg was fine, but it isn't, so it makes me look less like a savage. It also gives me a reason to
carry you around and I'll tell you a secret Raven," Lexa said, leaning in so she could whisper in
Raven's ear. "I don't carry you just because your leg hurts, I do it because I like it when your arms
are around me, it's comforting and you happen to smell really nice, so I do it more for me than for
you. If it wasn't for your leg, I wouldn't have a excuse to do that."

Raven wasn't sure if Lexa was teasing or not, but she was smiling and being sweet and playful,
and it was making her feel really nice.

"Well Lex, you could ask for hug, like normal people." Raven said and Lexa scoffed.

"I'm a big bad Alpha, we don't ask for affection, we don't need that." Lexa said, puffing out her
chest and flexing her biceps for Raven, the mechanic laughed.

"Come here, goofy." Raven said, opening her arms for Lexa, feeling the Alpha hug her close and
tight. "I love you too, by the way."

"I know." Lexa said, letting out a soft sigh, "I can feel it. I love you just like this Raven, I know
what I told you won't change your mind about how you feel about yourself, but I wasn't lying,
maybe you could try to look at you through another angle, preferably my angle and not
Murphy's?" Lexa said, murmuring against Raven's shoulder. The mechanic smiled.

"I'll try, I promise."

"Good, that's all I ask."

....................

Lexa knocked on Hailey's office and entered when she heard her boss tell her she could come in.
It was a little weird that someone her age had an office, but Lexa tried to ignore that and shuffled
awkwardly on her feet as she watched Hailey, sitting at her desk, hair up in a pony tail, mess of
papers on her desk as she argued hotly with someone in trigedasleng through the phone, her voice
was steady, sharp and cold. Lexa almost forgot she was an omega. The argument ended when
Hailey ended the call sharply, letting out a shaky sigh as she looked up at Lexa.

"Not a word of what you heard here, clear?" Hailey said.

"Crystal." Lexa said, watching as her friend stood up and grabbed a glass, pouring herself a drink
and downing it in one go, she did the same two more times before sighing, rolling her shoulders
and taking the time to pour ice into the glass and then the alcohol.

Lexa swallowed hard, looking up at the clock on the wall, it was barely 10:00 am.

"Do you want one?" Hailey asked, showing Lexa the bottle.

"No, thanks." Lexa said, and Hailey dropped back on her chair. "Rough morning?" Lexa asked
tentatively, her friend didn't seem in the mood for small talk.

Hailey downed her drink and asked Lexa to pass her the bottle.

"Now, what can I do for you?"

"How do you know I want something?"

"Because you are standing like you have a stick up your ass, you are nervous and fidgety. You
stopped acting like that with me after the third time you spent the night in my bed. So, what is it?"

"A friend of mine is moving here." Lexa said as Hailey read through one of the papers on her
desk.

Hailey hummed in response.

"He doesn't have a place to stay, or a job, or anything."

Hailey just hummed again.

"I don't feel like I can ask my sister to take him in, not after she just took me in."

Hailey switched papers.

"So I was wondering-"

"If I could find your friend a job and a place to stay." Hailey interrupted.

"Well... yeah, kinda." Lexa scratched the back of her neck and pulled at her sleeves for a few
minutes until Hailey put the papers down, wrote her signature in some of them and downed the
rest of her drink.

"Sure." She said finally and Lexa's eyes widened.

"What?"

"I'll find him a job and a place to stay."

"Thank you, really."

"It's nothing, it's fine." Hailey said. "When is he coming? Does he need to be picked up? Do you
need the car?"

"No, I think he's driving here... from Azgeda."

"Azgeda?" Hailey said, and her tone told Lexa she didn't like it. "You do know that that alone
will make things difficult, specially if he has a criminal record, which by your face, I'm sure he
has."

"I know, I promise he's not a bad person."

"Okay." Hailey said. "Now, I don't want to kick you out, but I have stuff to do, we can go for
lunch later if you want."

"Sure, do you need me to get you anything?" Lexa asked and Hailey sighed, pouring herself
another drink.
"More ice."

................

"Never expected to see you on this side, Bartender." Raven said as she sat next to Hailey at the
bar. "You aren't mixing drinks tonight?"

"No, you won't be able to flirt with me to get drinks this time." Hailey said without turning to look
at Raven and the flatness of her tone was enough to tell Raven something was wrong, she didn't
know her well, but she knew Hailey Hunter wasn't often found haunched over a glass of scotch.

"That's not why I'm here," Raven said, trying to keep her tone light. "Today is Tuesday."

"So?"

"All the burgers in the menu are half the price on Tuesdays. The chipotle burgers here are the best
in town, they are my favorites." Raven said and Hailey turned to look at her with a small smile.

"Well, I'd be happy treat you tonight, if you let me." Hailey said, straightening in her seat and
angling her whole body towards Raven.

"What do you want in exchange?" Raven asked, taking the glass from Hailey's hand and taking a
sip, all the while keeping her eyes on the blue eyed girl in front of her.

"Your company would be nice." She said and Raven arched her eyebrow in surprise, letting out a
chuckle.

"You could have asked for anything, and you ask for my company?"

"I doubt you would have done anything for a burger, and I really don't want anything else, not
tonight."

"Okay, just under one condition." Raven said and Hailey motioned with her hand to keep going.
"You have to eat too."

"Okay."

.............

"Clarke! you have a visit" Abby shouted from downstairs, Clarke quickly made her way down.
She stopped half way when she saw Lexa Woods standing by the door.

"Hi, what are you doing here?" Clarke asked, trying to keep her tone as polite as possible.

"Your mom called, she said you havent gotten that guitar stringed, I thought I could come and
teach you, it isnt really hard." Lexa heard, her tone light and smooth, she wasnt exudding
confidence or dominance, she was just there, calm and collected, letting Clarke make the choices.

"It's fine, I'm sure I can just watch some tutorial on the internet or something." Clarke said and her
mom glared at her noticeably.

"Don't be silly, go get your guitar, Lexa will wait for you in the kitchen."

Clarke couldn't do anything but follow her mother's orders, she went for the guitar and for the
strings she had gotten but hadnt changed yet. Lexa brightened up at the sight of it and reached to
take it from Clarke's hands, the omega passed it over to the alpha. they sat in front of each other on
opposite sides of the coffee table and Lexa began to explain how to change the strings properly.
opposite sides of the coffee table and Lexa began to explain how to change the strings properly.

Clarke was a little surprised to find out that she needed more than just the strings, she needed a
string winder and a string cutter too, she obviosuly didnt have them, Lexa gave her a small smile
and took the previosuly mentioned items out of her bag.

The blonde was surpised to see that the alpha was very patient, her tone was always smooth and
calm as she explained each part of the stringing process, showing Clarke different ways to do it, so
the blonde could choose which she liked best.

Lexa did the process with one string, she then coached Clarke into doing it with the rest, pointing
out certain things that the blonde did wrong, or small tips that could make things easier. The last 2
strings were done by Clarke on her own, she did it slowly, wanting to do it right and ending up
very satisfied with the result.

When she was done, she noticed she had gotten so comfortable that she had forgotten Lexa, the
alpha, was right there. Fear shot up her spine and she stood up quickly, Lexa was a little startled
by the motion and gave Clarke a confused look.

"We are not done yet." Lexa said.

"It looks stringed to me." Clarke said and Lexa gave her a small nod.

"Yeah, but we have to tune it." Lexa said, she wanted Clarke to sit back down so she could
explain how, but the blonde looked ready to bolt instead.

Lexa stood up and gave Clarke a small box with a tuner inside.

"As you get better at playing you will get better at tuning the guitar on your own, your ear will just
know when something is off, but in the mean time you can use this instead." Lexa said, and
Clarke just gave her a small nod.

"If you need any help you know where to find me." Lexa said, Clarke nodded again and showed
her to the door. Once Lexa was outside, she pressed her back against the door, breathing heavily,
shakily, her whole body shaking as she clenched and unclenched her fists. Atlas was by her side
in an instant, the dog helping her ground herself and calm down.

Lexa had just slipped pass the walls she had built around herself, she had just done it, without
saying anything, going unnoticed, without even trying, it drove Clarke mad with fear, it made the
alpha all the more dangerous.

Clarke closed her eyes, she wouldn't let it happen again.

...............

They were leaving the bar together, Hailey had offered to take Raven home instead of calling her
dad to pick her up.

They were chatting, talking lightly as they made their way down the side walk towards Hailey's
car. The blue eyed girl had leaned in to whisper something in Rven's ear when someone grabbed
her hair and pulled hard, making her fall backawards against the hard concrete, the back of her
head smashed against the ground and her vision was spotted back for a moment. She was about to
succumb into unconsciousness when she heard screaming.

"You fucking slut!" A man shouted, "you left me for a fucking worthless omega, you are mine
Raven, I'm your fucking boyfriend, you are mine."
Hailey pushed herslef up on her elbows and looked at the scene in front of her, a guy, an alpha,
had a tight grip on Raven's arm, shouting on her face as Raven shouted back at him to fuck off, to
leave her alone, she was telling him she wasn't his and that she could be with whoever she
wanted.

"Do you think any other alpha will want you with a fucked up leg like yours? I love you just like
this, you are mine, Raven." He continued to say and Hailey watched the fight leave Raven's body,
his words, mixed up with the pheromones he was letting out to make her submit were making
Rven lower her gaze.

She wouldnt let anyone be treated like that, much less Raven, Lexa's best friend. Not after seeing
her own mother suffer so much.

She punched him as hard as she could, knowing that her ring would mess up his pretty face.

"Hailey!" She heard Raven scream, "Knife!" her eyes widened and she turned her face to see a
knife coming at her face, she blocked it with her arm, a stinging sensation was left behind as the
alpha took the upper hand and rolled her onto her back, getting two good punches on her face
before she kneed him hard between the legs, he recoiled inmidiatly in pain, falling bloodied on his
side. Hailey was about to kick him again when Raven pulled forcefully at the back of her jacket,
Hailey stumbled back onto Raven's chest and turned around quickly, looking at the other omega
up and down, making sure he hadn't hurt her.

"Are you okay?" Hailey asked and Raven nodded quickly. She wiped the blood trailing down her
nose with the sleeve of her jacket and took Raven's hand with her bloody one gently, tugging her
along.

"I'll take you home." She said, opening the car door for Raven and then going to her side, starting
the car quickly and driving away. Raven watched Wick waking up and standing up through the
rearview mirror.

Raven took Hailey's right arm between her hands and pulled the sleeve of the jacket up, it was
bloody, hiding the cut, it wasnt too deep, but it was still bleeding and it would surely leave a scar.

"Do you want to come in? I am not a doctor, but I can help you with that." Raven said, but
Hailey's head was pounding, she just wanted to go back home.

"It's fine, I'll just sleep it off. Good night, Raven."

"Good night." she answered as she got out of the car, waiting for Hailey to drive away before she
made her way back to her house.

............

Hailey was standing in the bathroom, shirtless, staring at herself with anger in her eyes as she
pressed some ice to her bruised cheek. With her other hand she was holding a phone to her ear.

"I have a job for you." she said and the guy on the other line chuckled.

"I'm surprised, never thought I'd get one of this calls from you. What can I help you with?"

"A guy, alpha, goes by the name Wick, he messed with the wrong person, make sure he never
does it again." Hailey said, grabbing the glass from the sink and taking a long sip. Her father was
a scumbag, but he had good taste in scotch. "Can you do this for me?"

"Anything for you, you know that, is there anything you want me to tell him?"
"Tell him that if he touches her again, I'll make sure he doesnt get to touch anything ever again."

"Consider it done, anything else?"

"No, how much is this going to cost me?"

"You own the city, we will figure something out later, okay?" he said and Hailey downed the rest
of her drink.

"Sure, meet me next week, same time, same place." Hailey said, hanging up without another word
and dropping the cellphone in the sink, she stared at herself again, angrily throwing away the ice
pack, ditching the glass and grabbing the bottle of scotch.

..............

In the middle of the night Raven got a text, she hadnt been able to sleep so the sound the vibration
made against the wood startled her a little. She expected it to be Lexa, but instead it was an
unknown number.

From: Unknown

He won't bother you again.

Raven's heart stopped in her chest for a second and a moment later she was calling the unknown
number, it was disconnected.
 Present: Tiny ears
Chapter Notes

Sorry for the wait, I've been quite busy lately, my family and I moved to a different
house and this semester of school just started and it is already kicking my ass. Time is
a little tight right now, but I will finish this eventually, it might take a while but it will
be done. I hope you like this chapter and again, sorry for the wait.

“Clarke.” Becca said as soon as she saw the blonde step into her office, her tone was stiff with
worry, she had heard of what happened, it was all over the news. “Please, sit down.”

Clarke smiled at her therapist, knowing that after all the time they had been seeing each other the
woman had begun to care about her in a more personal level, still maintaining the boundaries that
came with their professional relationship.

“I guess you heard what happened.”

“Yes, it is no surprise, when the richest person in the city gets shot the media goes crazy.”

“It is disgusting.” Clarke said, hugging herself slightly, never being more thankful about how her
‘incident’ had been kept under the radar of the media.

“I know we usually have a specific way we go about our appointments, but if you want to talk
about that first…”

“I was there. When I entered her house she was on the ground, gasping, her eyes were desperate
and her sister was screaming and crying and she was just dying in front of me, I had never seen
someone like that before, and she wasn’t scared, she didn’t seem to care about dying. Is that
normal?”

“If everything the media is saying is true I can only imagine she had other things to worry about.
When you love someone you come to care about their well being more than your own, I don’t
know Hailey very well, but I’m not surprised she was paying more attention to her sister than to
her imminent death, she probably had to slip into the role of a mother when hers passed away.”

“And mothers give their lives for their children.” Clarke said and Becca gave her a small nod.

“You haven’t mentioned her before, not deeply at least, just in passing.”

“We aren’t friends, she is a friend of Lexa’s.” Clarke said and Becca nodded as if she didn’t know
already. “and I knew something was going on with Raven, only months ago I realized they were
secretly dating.”

Clarke paused for a second.

“Last year I told you that someone offered me a spot in the AAA, that I had turned it down
because I didn’t feel like I could be all alone in a new school without my friends to support me.”

“I agreed, pushing yourself into a new environment like that could have had a negative impact.”
Becca said, remembering the conversation. Clarke had been extremely torn about it, after all, not
many got accepted into Arcadia Academy of Arts, even if people had the resources to pay for it
they wouldn’t get in at least that they were talented enough.
“She was the one who offered me the spot, she saw some of my drawings and paintings, she told
me she could talk to some people, but that at the end my art would speak for itself, I said no.”
Clarke said, making a small pause. “We also started going to some of her parties, those are the
parties I have told you about, the ones I really didn’t want to go to, you recommended I should try,
take a look and leave if I felt too uncomfortable, I decided to stay after I saw the crazy amount of
security that Hailey always had. I’ve drawn her a lot.”

“You have?” Becca asked, not having heard that specific detail before. She knew that Clarke
drew people often, she just didn’t usually draw strangers more than once.

“Yeah, there was always something about her, about the way Lexa looked at her, too.” Clarke
said like an afterthought and Becca nodded.

“You’ve mentioned Lexa quite a few times now, how are things going with her?”

“Better, good.” Clarke said, feeling a little out of place for some reason. “I think we are starting a
friendship, we found a way to be together without me being too uncomfortable.”

“That’s a very surprising and good turn of events.” Becca said, she hadn’t heard from Lexa since
the girl’s ‘accident’, as she had been in bed rest ever since, mostly leaving home for doctor check
ups and not much else.

“Yeah, we talked on the phone, it is a little weird, but maybe if I learn to trust her this way, I’ll be
able to be okay with her presence eventually.”

“And is that something you want?” Becca asked and Clarke looked at her with a confused
expression.

“What do you mean?”

“Part of the reason why we are still seeing each other is because you don’t want to be near alphas,
you don’t trust them and you are not comfortable around them, which is perfectly understandable
given what you have gone through. We have talked and we have both come to the conclusion that
it is necessary to keep working on this issue in particular because in society there are alphas, you
will encounter them everywhere and we need to get you to a point where you are at least mildly
okay with that so you can be a working member of society and follow the plans you have for your
future. We have talked about college, about how you will probably be on your own, your parents
won’t be there, your friends might not be there, your support system will be disrupted and you
need to be able to hold yourself together to make it through your career and then through life. We
have talked about all of this before, we have decided to work on it, we have put it all on the table,
you have told me that you don’t think you will ever be the same again and I have told you that
even a small sense of normalcy is needed to make it through day to day activities. And all of our
work, your work with me, with the group therapy, with the art therapy, all of it has been stalled
because you are scared of getting hurt again and had denied yourself the opportunity to try and
open up. So you made the decision to keep them away, knowing that that would impact your
progress negatively.” Becca said, taking a deep breath and looking at Clarke in the eye. “Right
now you are telling me that you would be willing to let Lexa in, that you are trying to find a way
to be comfortable around her, doing this is a huge step forward in your recovery, do you realize
how meaningful this is?”

Clarke hummed, feeling a little uncomfortable with the way Becca was looking at her, Clarke
could see the pride in her eyes.
“We just talked on the phone, it isn’t a big deal.”

“It is for you, you told me before that you had been visiting her, that you gave her books and little
drawings, that you had been trying to help with her recovery, but this isn’t about helping Lexa
recover, this is about keeping a relationship with her after she recovers, we are talking about
friendship, with an alpha, which is something you have denied yourself for a long time now. So,
I’m asking you if this is really something you are set on doing.”

Clarke stayed quiet for a few seconds, she thought about the night before, about falling asleep
with Lexa’s voice in her ear, about waking up to see her name on the screen of her phone and
listening to Lexa’s heavy breathing on the other side, the girl having falling asleep too.

She knew alphas were dangerous, she knew that better than anyone, but she just couldn’t see
Lexa that way. Clarke knew the girl was an alpha, she knew the girl could get as violent, or as
possessive as all the others alphas did, but Clarke just couldn’t see her that way. Not after seeing
the way she treated omegas and betas, not after seeing how she protected Raven and Hailey, and
not after the girl had almost lost everything to keep her safe.

Clarke had always known she was different, she had seen it with her own eyes, but only after
being thrown into a situation as difficult and complicated as the one they were in at the moment
did Clarke decide to do something about it. She couldn’t leave Lexa alone, she didn’t want to. So
she would be with her however she could.

“Lexa and I, we both got ourselves in the middle of Hailey’s situation and we both might lose our
best friend because of it, I believe all of this might be easier for both of us if we handle it together,
even if it is mostly through the phone.” Clarke said and Becca gave her a small smile.

“I’m very proud of you, Clarke.” she said and naturally, the blonde blushed.

…………

Clarke was making her way home, Atlas by her side, when her phone started ringing. She took it
out of her pocket and saw Lexa’s name on the screen.

“Lexa, hey.” Clarke said lightly.

“Clarke, Rose is here.” Lexa said at once and the blonde stopped her walk in the middle of the
sidewalk.

“What? How?”

“They gave Gustus temporary custody.” Lexa said and Clarke’s eyes widened.

“What?”

“The people at child services, they always try to locate the kids with family friends, or other
relatives before they put them in foster care or in orphanages. Apparently they asked Rose if she
had any other relatives, she said no, they started asking about family friends and Rose said her
mom had a friend called Gus, but that she hadn’t seen him in years, after some more questions
they found out that she was talking about Gustus Forester, they called him, he was in Trikru, but
he caught a plane here as soon as he heard what happened, he has adopted kids before, as you
know, and he is the ambassador of Trikru in Skaikru, after hearing confirmation that he was
indeed friends with Hailey’s mother they gave him temporary custody, he brought Rose here like
an hour ago, she’s upset.”
“How could she not be? I imagine she wants to see her sister.” Clarke said.

“Yes, Hailey is still in the ICU thought, do you think they will let her in?”

“They usually don’t,” Clarke said with a slight frown, “let me call my mom, I’m sure she will give
us a hand, you haven’t seen her either, I’m sure you want to.” Clarke heard Lexa’s breath hitch
through the phone.

“I do, but Raven…” Lexa’s voice cracked, “the things she said… she is my best friend, I can’t
take her looking at me like that again, Clarke.”

“Do you think that maybe if I go with you, I don’t know, maybe it’d be easier?” Clarke said,
tightening her hold around Atlas’ leash.

“No, Clarke, I couldn’t ask you that, you have probably had enough of me already.” Lexa said
with a wet chuckle, and knowing that the girl was crying made the blonde’s heart ache.

“Don’t worry, I can take it just for a little bit longer.” Clarke said, only half joking.

“Clarke, you really don’t have to do this.”

“I know,” Clarke said, “but we agreed to be together through this so… I’ll pick you up when I
finish talking to my mom and get the car, okay?”

“I don’t want to push you.”

“You aren’t, and don’t worry, if it ever gets to be too much for me I will tell you.”
“You promise?” Lexa said, her voice getting impossibly soft, “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I promise.” Clarke said, “and you won’t hurt me.”

“How do you know? I’ve done it already.” Lexa said and the sadness in her voice made Clarke’s
own mood dampen. Lexa was putting all the blame on herself again.

“I misunderstood what you wanted to say, I assumed things, you were trying to be nice, to be my
friend and I just wasn’t ready for that, it isn’t on you.”

“It feels like it is, I’m really sorry, Clarke.” Lexa said and the blonde could hear her quiet sniffles
through the phone. Lexa wasn’t okay, she was breaking, she couldn’t take anything else and she
probably ached for the physical comfort Hailey and Raven so readily offered her. That was
something Clarke couldn’t give.

“You want a hug, don’t you?” Clarke said and the whimper she got was answer enough.

“I’m sorry I can’t give you that.” Clarke whispered, Hailey couldn’t help either and Raven was
too lost in her anger to see her friend was suffering.

“It’s fine, I’m fine.” Lexa rushed to say, but she wasn’t convincing anyone.

“Is Anya there?”

“She’s upstairs, she’s making Rose breakfast and talking to Gustus, Rose wants to stay with me.
They won’t give Hailey custody until she is medically cleared to take care of a child and given she
has a hole in her chest and her heart was compromised that might take some time, so Rose will
have to stay with Gustus for a while, but she wants to stay with me.” Lexa said, she was anxious,
she felt like a foreigner in her own skin, seconds away from losing control with nothing to ground
her but Clarke’s voice through the phone.

The nervousness, the ragged way Lexa was breathing, the way she was talking, so fast and like
she couldn’t stop. Clarke was getting more worried with every second that passed, Lexa needed
help. She looked down, wondering what to do and found Atlas staring up at her, the dog pressed
close to her and licked at the hand holding the leash, Clarke gave him a small smile, an idea
instantly came to mind.

“Are the pups with you?”

“Gona and Harley are here, Faya is probably digging holes in the backyard as usual.”

Clarke knew Lexa’s dogs didn’t have the training Atlas had, but she was sure they could help.

“Put me on speaker and leave the phone on the bed, call the pups, let them on the bed, pet them
and try to focus on them, on the feel of their fur, if you can lay back against the headrest and let
one of them or both lay across your lap.” Clarke said, “be careful not to hurt yourself.”

Clarke heard shuffling, barking and a short chuckle coming from Lexa.

“They are excited.” Lexa said and Clarke smiled. “Harley is giving me kisses and Gona is rubbing
himself against my side, they are happy.”

Clarke smiled at the mental image of Lexa surrounded by her pups, she wouldn’t know what she
would do without Atlas keeping her grounded and making her feel safe.

“They love you and they will keep you safe.” Clarke said, her voice soft. “Just give them some
love until I get there, okay? try to not think about anything else, just focus on them, okay?”

“Yes, okay, I will wait for you, Clarke.” Lexa said before hanging up.

And they were both left wondering if she meant something else.

…………….

Raven didn’t know why explaining to Hailey what they had done to her was necessary, if she had
to hear how they had had to repair vessels and heart chambers again she would explode.

If she had to hear again how many times Hailey had had to be resuscitated…

Raven was going out of her mind.

It also seemed pointless because even 30 hours after surgery, Hailey still seemed barely conscious,
staring at her surgeons and doctors with cloudy eyes.

They were starting to explain how they had put her sternum back together with wires, when
Hailey finally showed signs of consciousness.

“Ray,” she said, lowly, her voice hoarse and deep with exhaustion, her head lolling to the side to
look at the mechanic, even then, Raven could hear the fondness and love in her voice. “I have
wires…” Hailey said, like the doctors hadn’t said just that 2 seconds ago, like Raven hadn’t heard
them.

“I know,” Raven answered, stroking the back of Hailey’s hand, “They will help you heal.”

“You love wires.” Hailey said, and Raven looked at her with confusion, “you love stuff with
wires, like your robots, and the cars, and all your tech stuff.”
wires, like your robots, and the cars, and all your tech stuff.”

“mmm yes, I love wires,” Raven said, still confused, and Hailey just looked at her with wide blue
eyes.

“I have wires now,” Hailey said, her fingers fluttering against Raven’s, “Do you love me now,
too?” she asked, her eyes hopeful and wet as she stared at Raven.

Her expression and the question on its own made tears appear on the mechanic’s eyes.

The doctors shuffled awkwardly for a second before deciding to leave, their patient wasn’t paying
much attention anyway.

Raven stood up from her chair and leaned over Hailey, it was true she had avoided to say the
words even if she had felt them for a very long time, she had refused to say it, it made her feel too
bare, too exposed, too vulnerable. She had told Hailey she loved her when she had just woken up
from surgery, still drugged up and the girl obviously didn’t remember it. Raven decided to say it
again and hoped the girl would remember.

“I have loved you for a very long time now.” Raven said with a small smile, staring at blue eyes
with her brown ones, caressing light brown hair with her fingers. “You don’t need anything, any
wires, I loved you before the wires and I love you now.”

“Really?” Hailey asked, tears leaving wet tracks on her temples as she looked up at Raven.

“Really.” Raven whispered, before leaning down to kiss her. It was just a soft press of lips, but to
Raven it felt like the whole world had been lifted from her shoulders. “I love you, Bartender.”
Raven said, feeling Hailey smile against her lips before she kissed her again.

“I know I don’t deserve you, but maybe you could give me another chance?” Hailey said,
sounding unsure, the little smile that had been there just a second ago was completely gone. Raven
hated herself for putting that idea in her head to begin with.

“I didn’t mean that, I was angry, I don’t really think that, I never have.” Raven said and Hailey’s
lip quivered slightly.

“You are sure?”

“Yes.”

“So I can take you on a real date now?” Hailey asked and Raven could only kiss her again.

“Of course you can, as soon as you get better.”

“I’m going to make you so happy, you will see.” Hailey said, smiling up at Raven. The mechanic
smiled back and sat back down on her chair.

“Why don’t you rest a little first?”

“You will be here when I wake up?” Hailey asked, her eyes halfway closed.

“Of course.” Raven said, but the other girl was already asleep.

…………..

“Hey, are you ready?” Clarke asked as she entered Lexa’s room, she saw the girl shuffling
awkwardly around her room, dropping a small pile of cassettes she had gathered on her only
avaliable hand. Lexa cursed under her breath and tried to lean down to pick them up. A spark of
pain seemed to cross her ribs as she stumbled a little, moving her hand to her chest.

Clarke moved quickly to her side, not getting close enough to touch Lexa, but close enough to
smell the alpha’s controlled and smooth scent.

“It’s okay, why don’t you sit, I’ll pick them up for you.”

Lexa sat, she was too dizzy to do anything else.

“Cassettes?” Clarke said with a bit of awe, she hadn’t seen anything like it, those kinds of things
were no longer used.

“Yes, Hailey loves them, she taught me how to make mixtapes with them and gave me some
equipment to make them and to listen to them, I thought I would take some of her favorites to the
hospital so she can listen to them.” Clarke looked at the back of one of them and smiled.

“I don’t know any of the songs here.” Clarke said, looking at the tracklist at the back of one of the
tapes.

Lexa chuckled and the blonde looked back at her with a smile.

“It is mostly classic rock, Hailey loves it, I’m sure you’d recognize some of the songs there if you
listened to them.”

“What about you? do you love it?” Clarke asked and Lexa smiled again.

“I do, specially when Hailey is performing it, I’m sure you must have seen her, either at a gig, or
at the store, do you remember that day I helped you choose guitar strings at the shop?” Lexa asked
and Clarke’s eyes lit up when the memory came to her.

“oh! of course! she was standing on one of the amps with a guitar, playing and singing like mad
woman.” Clarke said and Lexa chuckled again.

“Yeah well, she does that often.”

“I’m sure you had a lot of fun at work then, that was surely entertaining, I thought she was
completely insane and that she would get fired. Of course, at the time I didn’t know she was a
Hunter and that she owned the place.”

“I won’t fight you over the insane part.” Lexa said and Clarke let out a chuckle.

Lexa stood up and looked around her closet for a little while, turning back around with a portable
cassette player and offering it to Clarke.

“Here, have this and take the tape with you, listen to it and tell me what you think later.”

“Oh, no, this is your thing with Hailey, I can’t get in the middle of it.” Clarke said.

“This is not my thing with Hailey,” Lexa said and then moved her eyes towards the sky and tilted
her head to the side a bit. “well, it is, I guess, but it is also her thing with Raven, Hailey has made
them quite a few mixtapes.”

“Who would have thought? looking so badass and being such a romantic.”

“Yeah, I’m sure she would be happy for me introducing you to the cassette culture, or to classical
rock.”
“Okay.” Clarke said, she looked down at the cassette in her hand and then looked back up at
Lexa.

“Maybe we should listen to it together.” The blonde said and Lexa’s eyes widened.

“You are doing a lot already Clarke, you don’t have to push it.”

“I am not pushing it.” the blonde said, and they both knew she was lying, there was no way she
would feel comfortable being alone with Lexa. The alpha gave her a look and Clarke relented.

“Maybe we can listen to it at the hospital, with Hailey. The hospital stench usually calms me
down.” Clarke said and Lexa tilted her head to the side, she hated hospitals, even more after recent
events.

“You do?”

“Yeah, I practically grew up there and it is always so clean…” Clarke trailed off for a second
before looking back up at Lexa. “It mostly reminds me of my mom, I know I’m always safe with
my mom.”

“She is an amazing woman.” Lexa said and Clarke could see her mood had dampened.

“I’m sure yours was amazing, too.”

“I couldn’t tell, it’s been so long now, I can barely remember anything, I stare at her picture every
day to make sure I don’t forget what she looked like, but sometimes I feel like it is pointless.”
Lexa said and Clarke shook her head.

“It isn’t, just remember that if you do forget that doesn’t make you a bad person, or a bad
daughter, you love her and that is all that matters.” Clarke said and Lexa answered her with a
small nod.

“I have her eyes,” Lexa whispered, “it’s the only thing I have from her, my skin and hair are just
like dad’s.Anya says my nose and my tiny ears are just like hers, too.”

“Tiny ears?” Clarke asked and Lexa sheepishly tucked her hair behind her ear, leaving it exposed
to Clarke’s eyes, the blonde couldn’t suppress her expression.

“aww, isn’t that cute.” the blonde said and Lexa instantly went red on the face.

“I think it is better if we leave now.” Lexa said, covering her ears once more. Clarke was surprised
at how awkward the alpha had gotten and simply nodded, walking out of Lexa’s room and telling
Rose to come with them as they made their ways towards the car.

……………….

Clarke was quietly chatting with Rose about cartoons when they made it to the ICU floor, the
blonde was looking down at the young girl when she heard Lexa whisper Raven’s name, her tone
made shots of dread shot up Clarke’s spine.

The blonde looked up to see Raven sitting on the floor, knees pressed close to her chest as she
cried, Clarke rushed to her side, kneeling beside her friend as the force of her pain coming through
her pheromones moved Clarke to tears.

Lexa stood by them, looking through the window and into Hailey’s room, the bed was missing
but there was a puddle of red where it would have been located. It had probably being rolled out,
if the blood trail moving towards the door of the room and past it was any indication.
Lexa felt her whole world collapse and vividly remembered how it had felt to have Finn hitting
her in the stomach with a bat repeatedly, she felt as breathless as she had felt back then.

She fell a tug in her arm and her eyes instantly moved to look into Rose’s, they were as blue as
Hailey’s. They looked as broken as Hailey’s, too.

“Where is my sister?” Rose asked, her bottom lip quivering as she looked up at Lexa, her eyes
were already filling with tears. Lexa didn’t have an answer, but when she looked up Abby
Griffin’s face told her everything she needed to know.

…………….

“I’m going to make you so happy, you will see”

 Present: Welcome to Hunter Enterprises, Miss Woods
Chapter Notes

Keeping in mind that I am more busy than I can handle and that I won't ever be able
to have a clear and constant updating schedule, I decided to post another chapter of
the Present story line so the cliffhanger doesn't extend any longer.

I am also without a computer and having some family issues so things overall are not
going great.

Anyway, hope you like the chapter and hope to see what you guys think in the
comments.

The look in Abby’s eyes told Lexa all she needed to know.

She felt dizzy, black spots dancing in front of her eyes as she tried to resist the pull of
unconsciousness, only then did she remember that she was still supposed to be in bedrest, that
only months ago she had been on a surgical table, that she was lucky to be able to talk, to process
things, to do everything she could before that bleed had presented itself in her brain. She was only
supposed to leave her house for doctor appointments, but here she was, staring at Clarke’s mother,
who by the looks of it had just left the OR to talk to them.

Abby’s face remained blank, showing no emotion, but her eyes were clouded with barely
repressed concern as they moved to Raven.

The Mechanic refused to look up at Abby as she cried, her face pressed against her knees. Clarke
had an arm around her shoulders, keeping her close and letting out soothing pheromones to try
and calm the other omega.

Abby knelt next to Raven as well and pulled the crying girl to her chest, rubbing her back gently
as she whispered sweet nothing into her ear. Abby was the only mother figure Raven had and
slowly but surely her presence helped her calm down.

“I lost her, Mama G, I lost her.”

“I know what you saw was horrible Raven, what my doctors did, to open her up right there in the
room was all they could do to try and save her.”

“She was dead when they left, her heart just wasn’t beating anymore.” Raven said, she would
never get the image out of her head, the image of the doctor cutting into Hailey’s chest and then
pulling apart her ribs, she had seen it, her heart, her lungs, right there exposed, and then, so much
blood. “She bled all over the place.” Raven said moving her head towards the door of Hailey’s
room, 2 women were trying to clean up the trail of blood left by the stretcher’s wheels off the
floor.

Clarke was knelt right next to them and Lexa was just standing by, Rose’s little hand in hers, the
child had yet to say anything, she was deadly quiet, just listening, staring at the mop as it took
away the red.

“You know there were tubes in her chest? and that those tubes were meant to take all the fluid
out? After heart surgery is normal for a little bleeding to develop inside, the tubes take the excess
of blood out, but sometimes those tubes get blocked by blood clots that stop the blood from
flowing out of the body and instead it collects inside, putting a lot of pressure over the heart and
not letting it beat properly. This happened to Hailey, except she was bleeding more than usual, a
staple, or a clip might have dislodged and allowed a blood vessel to start bleeding, that paired with
the fact that there was a clot in the tube meant that blood started accumulating in her chest fast, in
normal circumstances with would have made an echocardiogram, we would have seen the blood
accumulating around the heart and we would have applied all tests necessary to make sure she
would be okay, but there was no time. You saw her, Raven, she deteriorated quickly, she couldn’t
breathe properly and before we could get the machine inside she was coding, we saw the blood in
the tube and we knew we had to open up and relieve the pressure around her heart before things
got worse. I know what you saw was scary and horrible, but all the blood you saw was because
our cardio attending needed to make a small cut on Hailey’s pericardium so the blood could make
it’s way out as quickly as possible and Hailey’s heart could beat again properly. I know that when
we left the room Hailey’s heart had stopped and there was a woman with her hands inside her
chest, I know there was a lot of screaming and panic and blood, but we brought her back in the
OR Raven, we brought her back.”

“What?” Raven said, her eyes red and wide, “She is alive?!”

“Yes,” Abby said with a small smile and a second later Raven was throwing herself at her.

Clarke looked up, relieved, her eyes moved towards Lexa and her relief instantly turned into
worry. A male nurse who was passing by seemingly saw the same as her and rushed to hold Lexa
up when the girl’s knees gave out.

He sat her down on a nearby chair and checked her over, ordering another nurse who was passing
by to bring Lexa a glass of water.

“It’s okay, everything's okay, I got you, just take some deep breaths for me.” The nurse told Lexa,
“Yeah, that’s better.”

Clarke was about to make her way over when she saw Rose standing on her own looking like she
was about to cry, Clarke motioned the girl over and enveloped her in a tight hug as soon as she
was close enough.

“Your sister is safe, she is okay, you’ll get to see her really soon I promise you.” Clarke
whispered, caressing gently the girl’s hair. Rose nodded against Clarke shoulder and curled her
arms around the omega’s neck.

“She will be out of surgery in a couple of hours and then it will take a little bit longer to go inside
so you might want to go freshen up, calm down a little.”

“She will be okay?” Raven asked and Abby went back to her professional face.

“I can’t promise you that, but right now the situation is under control.”

……….

“Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.” Clarke said as she sat in front of Lexa in the hospital’s cafeteria.

“What exactly?” Lexa asked, as she colored a picture with Rose, who was sitting next to her.

Lexa pushed a crayon with the one she had in her hand, it rolled towards Clarke, the blonde took
it and they colored together.

“Bringing you here, you aren’t ready, you almost passed out.” Clarke said, looking up in hopes to
meet Lexa’s eyes, but the alpha didn’t look up at her.

“Almost.” Lexa said, finally looking up. Clarke was surprised to find a smile on her face. “I’m just
happy I didn’t throw up.”Clarke smiled back, knowing how much Lexa hated the bouts of
dizziness and nauseousness she had sometimes.

“Yeah, because that is more mortifying than passing out.” Clarke said, letting a little sarcasm filter
in her voice.

“It is, and it hurts more, so, yeah.” Lexa said, shrugging her good shoulder while the other stayed
motionless.

“How is physical therapy going?” Clarke said, motioning to Lexa’s arm.

“Hurts, I’m supposed to do some exercise at home, but I just want to leave it alone, it feels very
weak, it doesn’t feel like it will go back to normal any time soon.” Lexa said, her face a little
scrunched up as she attempted to roll her shoulder a little.

“I’m sure it will be better in a few weeks, I agree you shouldn’t push it, but maybe doing the at
home exercises could accelerate the healing process.” Clarke said.

“Thinking that I could do a wrong move and mess it up more makes me really nervous, I prefer
having someone there making sure I don’t ruin it.”
“Maybe I could help you with that?” Clarke offered with a small shrug, Lexa quickly denied.

“No, that’d be too much.” Lexa said, letting herself move her hand and place it gently a top of
Clarke’s, the blonde didn’t move her hand away.

Clarke looked down, Lexa’s hand was warm and was still holding a crayon between her thumb
and her index finger, the tip of it brushing against Clarke’s skin. With her recovery and Lexa’s
small walks around the block, she had gotten back some of her gorgeous tan. With only a look
Clarke memorized the small scars covering her knuckles and a longer, shaky scar crossing the
back of Lexa’s hand.

Lexa pulled away after just a few seconds and gave Clarke a small smile.

“I really appreciate the effort Clarke, but I have already told you that I don’t want you to push it, I
think we are in a better place now, I don’t want to mess up and push us back.”

“It will be okay, maybe we could do something easier for me, less private, more public?”

“Like what?” Lexa asked.

“Let me think for a bit.” Clarke said, and each one of them went back to coloring. “What about
the dog park? There will be plenty of people there and there are lots of open space so I probably
won’t feel trapped.”

“Sounds good,” Lexa said, “You will have to give me a hand though, I can’t handle my pups with
just one arm.”

“Deal.” Clarke said, grabbing a blank piece of paper for herself and giving another to Lexa.

They colored in silence for a little while, Lexa eventually stopped and looked up, her eyes moving
to Rose, who had fallen asleep on the table, her face pressed comfortably against one of her
sister’s sweaters.

“She’s the only person which whom I’ve shared things about my mate, she knows all of it, the
whole story. I wasn’t able to talk about it with Raven, and doing it with my therapist always feels
like the words latch onto the walls of my throat and I have to drag them out, with Hailey it was
easy, maybe because it felt like I owed it to her.” Lexa said. Clarke tilted her head to the side,
confused.

“Owed it to her, why?”

“Well, sometimes we would be together,” Lexa said, blushing slightly, and Clarke instantly
understood what she meant, “and I would be so angry, she knew it wasn’t really directed at her,
but she accepted it and took it without saying anything and then she would just hold me really
gently and the words would just bubble out. I’m less angry now, my therapist says I’m only
masking my pain, that by being angry at my mate for leaving, I’m just really masking the pain and
the heartbreak I feel at not having her around.”

“You say it is hard to talk about her, and still, you have mentioned her a few times to me.” Clarke
said, curious.

“It is hard to avoid your silence, we are both quiet, and I never thought I’d meet someone more
quiet than myself, but somehow you manage to be, it makes me anxious. Where I lived silence
usually meant bad news, but your silence is different, it is like it is waiting to be broken, like it
doesn’t want to be there. I can’t help to look at you, see the darkness in your eyes so similar to my
own, and want to tell you about every moment I have lived until today.” Lexa said, looking away
from Clarke for just a second before meeting her eyes once again. “It is just a feeling I get with
you sometimes, doesn’t make any sense.”

“It is a feeling after all,” Clarke said, “those hardly make sense at all.”

“Yeah,” Lexa said, letting out a short laugh, “I guess you are right.”

“I always felt safe with you, because of the way you act, the way you talk, your scent, how I can
barely sense it… It makes me forget what you are and in turn, makes me feel safe.” Clarke said,
“That scared me shitless, so I pushed you away, that didn’t make any sense either.”

“It does make sense. Raven was always telling me that there was more to you than the person who
was so often pushing me away, I didn’t understand what she meant at the beginning, but then I
saw your art, and your words, and sometimes I felt like the person who treated me poorly and the
person who made those paintings were not the same, you are not the things you do to protect
yourself.”

“I can’t use what happened to me as an excuse.” Clarke said, her voice low and angry. “I have put
so much strain in my relationship with my dad, with my friends, with you, all because of
something they have no control over.”

“It isn’t an excuse, but it is a reason, you were doing what you could to make yourself feel safe
and no one can judge you for that, we do what we must to survive.” Lexa said, lowering her voice
so only Clarke would be able to hear her. “I lived in an abusive home in Azgeda, the woman who
controlled the house was an alpha called Nia. Sometimes, usually when she was in rut, or simply
when she was just feeling in the mood, she would call the omegas into her room, sometimes just
one, sometimes all of them, she made them do things they didn’t want to do, take their clothes off,
dance for her. I don’t know if she ever touched them before I came into the house, but I made sure
they wouldn’t be called into her room for as long as I could breathe, it was humiliating for them
and I couldn’t allow it, so I would just…” Lexa’s voice cracked and she looked away from
Clarke. “I would beat someone up, another alpha, sometimes even Roan, who is her son. They
didn’t deserve it but I did it anyways, I hurt them so Nia wouldn’t hurt the omegas, she got furious
and instead of calling the omegas into her room she would spend her time punishing me.”

“You can’t seriously be comparing that hell to what I did.” Clarke said, horrified.

“Wasn’t it hell for you to be near me, or other alphas? wasn’t the anxiety killing you? didn’t it
make you nauseous? didn’t it make you want to run away, to throw up? every single day around
all this people that you feel can potentially hurt you, isn’t that hell too?” Lexa said, “I’m not
comparing your hell to mine, this is not a competition, the thing is you felt safer if you pushed us
all away, and I felt better knowing that Costia wouldn’t be called into that room and for that to
happen I had to beat Roan up, what you did and what I did, it wasn’t okay, but we needed to do
it, it is what we needed to survive and no one who hasn’t been in a situation as messed up as the
ones we have been forced into can judge us.” Lexa said, “You did what you did to survive, to feel
better, safer, less afraid, and it might not have been the right thing to do, but it was what you
needed to do to feel better and I get that, believe me Clarke, I do.”

“I’m still sorry, I know I hurt you and I am really sorry.”

“I know, I can see it, you have been really trying to make up for it this past few weeks, and I
really appreciate it."

“Have you ever apologized to Roan?”

“I’ve tried, but he has never let me, he knew what his mother was doing to us, I guess he felt
guilty for what she did, I don’t know, he doesn’t like talking about it, and I really don’t either.”

Lexa went back to her drawing and Clarke decided to just leave it alone for a little bit, she went
back to her own sheet of paper, noticing the outline of Lexa’s hand over her own was clearly
drawn onto the page.
Rose woke up, pulled her chair closer to Lexa’s and leaned gently on her side.

“When will we take H home?”

“She has to stay here for a little while so the doctors can make sure she’s okay.”

“Will I have to stay with Gus for long?”

“I don’t know, I’m sure you will go back to Hailey when the doctors tell her she is strong enough
to take care of you.” Lexa said, tucking a loose strand of her behind the girl’s ear.

“Do you think she will be able to go to my game on friday?” Rose asked, her blue eyes as shiny
as Hailey’s got when she tested a new guitar, it made Lexa’s eyes water.

“I don’t think so pup, she is a little hurt and she will be in pain for a little while, she needs care and
rest, I’m sure she will want to go to your bed and the doctors will have to tie her to the bed to keep
her from going.” Lexa said, making the little girl smile. “You have to be patient with her now, and
very gentle, help her heal, okay?”

Rose nodded and leaned her head against Lexa’s arm.

“Will you go to my game then?” she asked and Lexa pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

“Of course.”

Eventually Abby came for them and before they left to see Hailey, Lexa offered Clarke the
drawing she had been working on.
It was made of sticky figures, one blonde and one brunette, they were in place full of trees and
green grass and standing besides them were 4 weird looking figures that still managed to have
some resemblance to Lexa and Clarke’s dogs.

“That’s us.” Lexa said, “You are the one with yellow hair, and the dog by your side is Atlas, that
is how it is going to be when we go to the dog park.”

“Why don’t I have a face? nose, eyes, mouth?” Clarks asked and Lexa blushed a little.

“It is difficult with crayons because they are too big, so I had to leave them out, it looks a little
creepy, sorry.” Lexa said, pulling at the hem of her shirt.

“I like it.” Clarke said, and she honestly did. Lexa looked up at her with bright green eyes.

“Really?”

“Yeah, really.” Clarke said, folding it carefully and putting it in her bag. Lexa gave her a half
smile and they both started walking towards the ICU floor.
………..

When they got there Abby was waiting for them with Raven.

“Clarke why don’t you take Rose to look at all the babies?” the doctor said, the blonde instantly
knew the kid wouldn’t be let into Hailey’s room and agreed.

Rose frowned and was about to give some trouble when Lexa put a hand on her shoulder.

“Hey pup, go with Clarke, I will explain everything later, okay? Remember what your sister told
you?”
“To listen to you, always.”

“Okay, now go.”

Lexa watched the kid walk away with Clarke and then turned to Abby.

“She has been here for hours, she is a kid and she is tired, how am I supposed to tell her that she
can’t go in now?”

“Things got out of control, Hailey just got out of her second open heart surgery in less than 48
hours, at the moment there is a machine breathing for her, cables and tubes coming out of her, she
is not conscious and she looks horrendously sick and pale, how do you think that will look like for
a child?” Abby said strongly and Lexa looked away. “I was willing to let her in before because
she was conscious and responsive, because she was stable enough, but now she isn’t and is even
more fragile than before, so I’m not risking having a kid see something like what Raven saw today
if things go south again.” Abby said, her tone final. “When Hailey gets moved into a room and is
stable enough, I will tell you, I won’t make the same mistakes twice.”

Lexa could do nothing but nod as she was guided to Hailey’s room, Raven by her side.
It didn’t take long for the mechanic to break into sobs, she hovered over Hailey, not knowing
where to put her hands as she leaned down carefully to place a gentle kiss on the omega’s
forehead.

Lexa sat on a chair next to the bed reaching out to take Hailey’s hand in hers, staring at her pale
face, obscured by the strap that was keeping her breathing tube in place. There were many things
Lexa wanted to say, but she couldn’t, not with Raven there, and she couldn’t ask her to leave.

Finally Raven fell onto her own chair, clutching Hailey’s arm with her hands as she buried her
face into it. Hailey was so cold.

“Raven…” Lexa started to say when noise coming from outside alerted them both, they heard
Abby rise her voice and the mention of Hailey’s name, they both stood up and left the room to
find several men and women in suits asking for Hailey’s condition, Abby was telling them she
couldn’t disclose that kind of information and they were all getting progressively angry.

“Who are they?” Raven asked, just as security came to try and escort them out.

“Members of the board.” Lexa said, her eyes widening a little. “The board of Hunter Enterprises.”

“Why are they here?” Raven asked, her voice hoarse from all the crying, she seemed to be too
tired to realize she was talking to Lexa.

“As soon as she turned 18 Hailey would become an official member of the board, the head, the
most important member because she is the majority shareholder, Rose is too young to take a stand
until her sister recovers, if Hailey doesn’t recover fast to make a statement, they will start fighting
over who will take control while she recovers and a lot can happen between now and then. We
are talking about millions, they all want control over them.”

“To make it short,” Raven said, her eyes dark “They want her dead.”

Lexa could only nod.

The chaos was only stopped when another man in a suit entered the room, he was in his mid
thirties and Lexa knew him to be Hailey’s lawyer and also the man who carried her finances. He
was her right hand man and most of the board members stiffned at the sight of him.

"Seeing that you couldn't wait untill tomorrow's meeting, I will make clear what will happen to the
company now that Miss Hunter, is unable to take her place as the Head." He said taking out a
piece of paper from his briefcase. "Here I have a copy of Miss Hunter's will."

Lexa watched the men around them stiffen while Raven only looked at Hailey's resting body
through the window.

"If for any reason, medical or otherwise, I am ever unable to continue my work as Head of Hunter
Enterprises, and my sister and only other heir, hasn't come off age I, Hailey Hunter, in plane use
of my health and sanity, appoint Alexandria Woods, a friend, and a person in whom I lay my
complete trust, as Head of Hunter Enterprises until my sister Rose, or myself are able to take back
our positions in the company." the man read and a second later the room exploded in chaos.

.....
"Doctor Abby Griffin?"

"Yes?"

"I have a copy of Miss Hunter's desires for a situation like this."

Abby breathed in deeply and took the paper from the man's hands.

"If I am ever put under life support, and my life is only being prolongued through the use of
machines I wish to be disconected after the passing of 30 days..." Abby read out loud, sighing.

"You didn't tell them she might never wake up."

"I was about to when all the wolves came to rack havoc in my hospital."
"They will know something is wrong soon enough, you should tell them before that and about
this." the man said, showing Abby the paper.

"I know, I will."

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