Abby Martin

Ms. Bonnell

APELC, Period 1

24 May 2018

A Peaceful City Woman Explains Why She Carries a Gun

I am a peace-loving woman. But several events in the past ten years have

convinced me I’m safer when I carry a pistol. This was a personal decision, but because

handgun possession is a controversial subject, perhaps my reasoning will interest

others.

I live in New York City in a loft apartment right in the heart of Manhattan in the

meatpacking district: for several winters I spent winters alone here. As a freelance

writer, I travel alone a lot-more than 10,000 miles by subway in the last four years. With

women freer than ever before to travel alone, the odds of out encountering trouble seem

to have risen. Streets are dark, places are busy, and many things can happen without

anyone noticing.

A woman who travels alone is advised, usually by men, to protect herself by

avoiding bars and other “dangerous situations,” by constantly staying aware, by locking

doors and windows. But these precautions aren’t always enough. I spent years following

them and still found myself in dangerous situations. I began to resent the idea that just

because I am female, I have to be extra careful.

A few years ago, with another woman, I went on a road trip and had to stay in

some cheaper motels in order to save money. We discussed self-defense, but neither of
us had taken a course in it. She was against firearms, and local police told us Mace was

illegal. So we armed ourselves with spray cans of deodorant tucked into our jackets. We

never used our improvised Mace because we were lucky enough to stay at motels

where the owners wouldn’t tolerate the men harassing us. But on one occasion we

spent the night at a slightly run down motel that had connecting rooms. After we

checked in, we found our sort of roommates were two young men. As we began to

unpack our things, they drank beer and talked loudly about what they would do to us

after dark. Cleaners, even other motel guests, ignored them: workers strolled past,

unconcerned. When we asked the manager point-black if they would protect us, he

patted my shoulder and said, “Don’t worry, girls. They’re just kidding.” At dusk we

decided to leave this motel and try a different one a few miles away. Though the new

space was a lot nicer, it cost us a lot more money and left us feeling uneasy for the next

few days. I returned from the trip determined to reconsider the options available for

protecting myself.

At that time I lived alone in the loft and taught night classes in the city. Along a

street I usually walk, a woman got her shoe caught in a grate, called for help, and got a

rapist who left her beaten. She was afraid to call for help again and stayed on the street

until morning. For that reason alone I ruled out asking for help.

As I walked home one night, a group of men followed me. They followed me from

the subway and one of them tripped me as I walked up the stairs. I called out which got

the attention of some other people. Seeing the other people the men retreated for a bit

but then continued to follow me murmuring things I couldn’t make out. I dared not go
home because no one else was there. I passed no lighted houses. Finally as they got

closer I decided to exploit there one weakness. I began to yell and scream that people

were following me and before long heads began to turn. It worked: the men soon

disappeared down a nearby alley. But I was frightened and angry.

Other incidents occurred over the years. One evening as I was entering my

building a man sat on the steps a knife in his hand. I approached him and politely asked

him to leave. He stared at me, and began to fiddle with the knife in his hand. In a

moment of clarity I realized that I was alone on my street, and that he could stab me

and walk away. The moment passed: the man left.

One night, I returned home from teaching a class to find my door unlocked,

garbage on my couch, and some furniture moved around. A light shone in the flat: I

couldn’t remember leaving it on. I was too embarrassed to go to my landlord and wake

him up. An hour of cautious exploration convinced me that the flat was safe, but once in

my room, with the doors locked, I was still afraid. I kept thinking of how vulnerable I felt,

prowling around my own apartment in the dark.

My next step was to try self defense. But I soon realized it wouldn’t be the

solution for me. In order to be able to use the skills I learned effectively the attacker

would have to be very, very close which is way too big of a risk. Perfecting martial arts

would also take a long time, time that I didn’t have. I began to think that I did nothing

wrong that would make myself the victim. I just needed more protection.

With some reluctance I decided to start carrying a pistol. I bought a license which

made it legal for me to carry the gun concealed. Now that I could carry the gun I had to
focus on the mental part: actually being able to shoot somebody. I began to get into the

habit of rehearsing as I walked the precise conditions that would be required before I

would shoot someone. I’ve never shot it at somebody but just having it with me has

made me more alert to dangers.

I was walking home again when some men were hanging outside my doorstep

drinking and relieving themselves on the stairs. When I politely asked them to leave

from a distance they began to come closer and say that they had a right to be here and

told me to join them. I told them to go across the street except I pointed to the other

street with my pistol. Within a minute the men had gathered their things and walked

away.

This incident proves the benefit of having a weapon on you. When I attempted to

be polite they tried to intimidate me with power, so in return I used the pistol to do the

exact same thing back. A pistol is not the only way to aviod being rapes or murdered in

today’s world, but, intelligently wielded, it can shift the balance of power and provide a

measure of safety.