DISCURSIVE ESSAY

MODEL ANALYSIS

Task 1. Read the IELTS writing task below. Then order the sentences to make a complete
essay for the writing task.

You should spend 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic:

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of
sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and
that other measures are required.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge
and experience. Write at least 250 words.

............ For example, when a child knows more about the adverse effects of smoking, he
might be less likely to take up this bad habit in his adulthood. Public campaigns and health
protection programmes, thus, should be promoted so that people know how to protect their
health effectively.

............ Therefore, the increasing popularity of gym classes or sports clubs gives people more
chances to improve their health. After a hard-working day, many residents in my
neighbourhood attend evening yoga classes in order to keep fit and stay healthy.

............ On the other hand, I would argue that increasing the provision of sports amenities
would have little impact on public health. This can be explained by the fact that many people
who paid for an annual gym membership failed to go entirely after just one month. Therefore,
I think that it is more important to educate citizens about basic health awareness. A person
would easily avoid some potential health problems if he is equipped with sufficient basic
knowledge about medicine and health care.

............ On one hand, people’s health has been greatly enhanced thanks to participation in
sports facilities. It is an undeniable fact that fitness levels are increased by taking part in
physical activities such as doing daily exercise or playing sports.

............ In conclusion, the growing prevalence of sports facilities has brought a wide range of
health benefits for people; yet, I personally believe that raising public awareness through
health campaigns would have a more positive impact on improving people’s health.

............ It is argued that providing more sports centres or health clubs would be the most
effective method for improving public health. From my point of view, however, proper health
education would be a better measure.

Your anwers:
Task 2. In IELTS Writing Task 2, you are required to address all parts of the task. Read the
IELTS writing task and the analysis below. Then answer the question.

You should spend 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic:

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of
sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and
that other measures are required.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge
and experience. Write at least 250 words.

This question requires you to do three things:

 ..........................................................................................................................................

...................

 ..........................................................................................................................................

...................

 ..........................................................................................................................................

...................

Task 3. Task achivement

Look back the essay model, check and explain your answers.

 Did the writer manage to cover all parts of the task?

 Did the writer present a clear position throughout the response?

 Did the writer present, extend and support main ideas?

Task Achievement is a measurement of how well you fulfilled the basic requirements of the
task based on the instructions.
 • Grammatical Range and Accuracy

A . TA SK ACH IEVEMEN T
Tas k A chie ve m e nt is a measurement of how well you fulfilled the basic requirements of the
task based on the instructions.
Band 5 Band 6 Band 7 Band 8
• addresses the task only • addresses all parts • addresses all parts • sufficiently
partially, the format may of the task although of the task addresses all parts
be inappropriate in some parts may be • presents a clear of the task
places more fully covered position • presents a well
• expresses a position but than others throughout the developed
the development is not • presents a relevant response response with
always clear and there position although • presents, extends relevant, extended
may be no conclusion the conclusions may and supports main and supported
drawn become unclear or ideas, but there ideas
• presents some main repetitive may be a tendency
ideas but these are • presents relevant to overgeneralize
limited and not main ideas but some and/or supporting
sufficiently developed, may be inadequately ideas may lack
there may be irrelevant developed/unclear focus
detail
1

Practice:
Question 1: What are the three things the task below requires you to write?

You should spend 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic:

Some people think that it is important for countries to fund research into diseases. However,
others believe that national budget should be spent on tourism and technology.
Discuss these both views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge
or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

Three things you must write about:

 ..........................................................................................................................................

...................

 ..........................................................................................................................................

...................

 ..........................................................................................................................................

...................
 The Olympia Schools http://theolympiaschools.edu.vn
Question 2. How ideas are supported with explanation and examples is a difference among
bands 6, 7 and 8 for Task Achievement. Match each example with an appropriate evaluation
byTask 2. How ideas are supported with explanation and examples is a difference among bands 6, 7
drawing a line.
and 8 for Task Achievement. Match each example with an appropriate evaluation by drawing a line.
Examp le Evalua t ion
1. The main problem causing traffic jams is too many
cars. In lots of cities around the world there are lots of A . Gives relevant ideas and these are
cars and this causes traffic jams. For example, the number developed with focused and specific
of cars purchased in developing countries is increasing ideas and examples.
year after year.
B . Gives relevant ideas and these are
2. The main problem causing traffic jams is too many developed with explanations or
cars.There are lots more cars these days. examples but these ideas may be too
general or lack focus.
3. The main problem causing traffic jams is too many
C. Gives relevant ideas but these
cars.When we have more vehicles than a city’s
may not be fully developed with
infrastructure was designed for it leads to congestion.
explanations or examples or the
For example, Ho Chi Minh City was designed to cope
explanations and examples given are
with around 500,000 cars and the city now has over 2
irrelevant.
million cars, resulting in chronic traffic problems.

B . answer:
Your COH EREN CE A N D COH ESION

Co he re nce a nd Co he sio n
Parts
Task 4: of an essay refer
Coherence andback to the title or the main theme of the essay.This provides coherence
cohesion
- in other words, it shows how the ideas in the essay are connected. Cohesion is how parts of a
Look
text back the essaythrough
are connected model,meaning
check andandlanguage.
explainYou
your
cananswers.
make your writing cohesive and
coherent by using pronouns, determiners, and synonyms.
 Did the writer logically organize information and ideas, there is a clear progression
Ex am ple
throughout?
Essay t it le : The way that university students are accessing, acquiring, and using knowledge is
changing
 Didrapidly. Outlineuse
the writer theamain
range re of
asocohesive
ns for this.
devices appropriately?
Thesis statement: In this essay, I plan to outline t he main re asons why students’ access, or acquisition
 use
, and Didofthe writer present
knowledge a clear
at university in UKcentral topic within each paragraph?
are changing.
Bo dy plan w it h t o pic se nt e nce s:
 Did the writer use paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately?
The main f act or is greater access to the internet than before.
Better library resources as a result of investment is another important re ason.
Co nclusio n:
From the above, it is clear that in this modern information age there are several ke y just ifi cat ions
for changes…

3
 irrelevant.
million cars, resulting in chronic traffic problems.

B . COH EREN CE A N D COH ESION

Co he re nce a nd Co he sio n
Parts of an essay refer back to the title or the main theme of the essay.This provides coherence
- in other words, it shows how the ideas in the essay are connected. Cohesion is how parts of a
text are connected through meaning and language.You can make your writing cohesive and
coherent by using pronouns, determiners, and synonyms.
Ex am ple
Essay t it le : The way that university students are accessing, acquiring, and using knowledge is
changing rapidly. Outline the main re as o ns for this.
Thesis statement: In this essay, I plan to outline t he main re aso ns why students’ access, or acquisition
, and use of knowledge at university in UK are changing.
Bo dy plan w it h t o pic se nt e nce s :
The main f act o r is greater access to the internet than before.
Better library resources as a result of investment is another important re aso n.
Co nclusio n:
From the above, it is clear that in this modern information age there are several ke y just ifi cat io ns
for changes…
The Olympia Schools http://theolympiaschools.edu.vn
3

Below is the marking rubric of coherence and cohesion.

Band 5 Band 6 Band 7 Band 8

• presents information • arranges • logically organizes • sequences

with some organization information and information and information and
but there may be a lack ideas coherently and ideas, there is a ideas logically
of overall progression there is a clear clear progression • manages all
• makes inadequate, overall progression throughout aspects of
inaccurate or over use • uses cohesive • uses a range of cohesion well
of cohesive devices devices effectively, cohesive devices • uses paragraphing
• may be repetitive but cohesion within appropriately sufficiently and
because of lack of and/or between although there may appropriately
referencing and sentences may be be some under/
substitution faulty or mechanical overuse
• may note write in • may not always use • presents a clear
paragraph, or referencing clearly central topic within
paragraphing may be or appropriately each paragraph
inadequate • uses paragraphing,
but not always
logically

Task3.3.
Task Readthe
Read theparagraph
paragraph below
below and
andwork
workout
outwhat
whatthethe
words in italic
words boldbold
in italic referrefer
to. to.

Universities do research in all academic subject areas such as medicine, and companies carry it out
Universities do research in all academic subject areas such as medicine, and companies carry
it into a wide
out into rangerange
a wide of products and and
of products services, from from
services, new models of cars
new models of to what
cars people
to what buy in
people buy
insupermarkets.
supermarkets.ForForexample, it it
example, cancan
lead to tothe
lead thedevelopment
developmentofof
new
newmedicines,
medicines,andand
t hethey
y also
also
research new varieties of vegetables and grains to provide better quality foods for t he m to eat.
This is very important.
research new varieties of vegetables and grains to provide better quality foods for them to eat.
This is very important.

What the words refer to:

• It (“carry it out...”):...........................................................................................

• It (“It can lead to...”):..........................................................................................

• They (“they also research...”):...............................................................................

• Them (“foods for them to eat.”):............................................................................

• This (“This is very important.”):..............................................................................

Task 4. Complete the paragraph using the words in the list. You need to use some words
more than once.

they their them this some it who

One of the major health challenges facing developed countries today is that increasing
numbers of people are doing little or no exercise. Recent research indicates a growth in the
number of people (1)................................. appear to spend most of their day sitting down. As
a result, (2) .................................. are becoming more at risk of serious illness, including heart
diseases. (3) .................................. people report that .................................. long working
hours do not allow (4) ................................... enough time for exercise, while others admit
that (5)..................................prefer to do sedentary activities like watching television. The
problem is serious from a number of perspectives. It has been estimated to cost national
health services up to 10% of (6) .................................. entire budgets in related treatment. For
the people overall concerned, (7) .................................. lack of exercise is likely to have a
negative effect on (8) .................................. overall quality of life. Exercise is also a social
activity, so a lack of (9) .................................. can result in fewer opportunities for social
interaction. The lack of exercise among certain groups of people is a very serious problem
today with significant heath, financial, and social impacts.